Recently, I felt weird posting pictures of myself on Instagram.
And I've never felt this feeling before.
For the last 10 years of my life, I've been posting pictures of myself on the internet.
Non-stop, okay, non-stop. And I've never thought anything of it.
Posting photos of ourselves online is a part of... being human at this point.
It's become an instinct, almost. And it's so incredibly normal.
And I think most of us aren't even questioning why we do it because we It's just so normal.
And up until recently, I didn't question it either.
But the last few times I've gone to post a photo of myself on Instagram, I've felt like Weird.
I've felt like a narcissist. And it scared me a little bit.
I've been finding myself taking a pause before I post a picture of myself, feeling almost... uncertain of whether or not it's the right thing to do.
And this is bizarre to me because It just had never crossed my mind before.
It had always been such an automatic thing. to do, especially for me as somebody who considers posting things on the internet as a part of my job in a way.
It's been weird for me to sort of question whether or not It's a narcissistic behavior.
And I'm somebody who has a tendency to overthink.
So part of me wonders if I'm overthinking the whole thing.
But part of me also thinks there's a chance that even though we've sort of normalized posting photos of ourselves... it's still actually a narcissistic kind of behavior.
And so today I sort of want to figure out for myself, honestly, Whether or not posting photos of yourself online is narcissistic.
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Things people love. Now, I really want to be clear before we begin this conversation about what type of narcissism I'm discussing today because there's a disorder that is narcissism.
Technically, the definition of narcissism is...
Excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance.
So keep this definition in mind as we proceed.
But narcissism is also a personality trait.
Instead of having a full-blown disorder, some people simply have narcissistic tendencies and that they are self-centered and have a big ego.
Someone who is narcissistic may be selfish in some areas of their life, but they are not disordered.
I got this information from thriveworks.com.
So I guess what I'm trying to figure out today is, is posting images of yourself online a narcissistic behavior?
Yes, no, or sometimes. Spoiler alert, I think it's going to end up being sometimes. as most things are.
And on top of that, if it is narcissistic to post photos of yourself, is that wrong?
Thank you. Let's get into it. First, I kind of wanna dissect why we post photos of ourselves. what is the goal that we have in mind?
And it definitely has something to do with how we're perceived in a way.
Because I don't think any of us would use social media if nobody was there to see what we were posting.
So what do we want people to see? What is our motivation?
I think one of the main reasons why we post photos of ourselves online is is because we feel like we look good in the photo.
We're in a moment of confidence. We feel hot.
We feel cute. We feel cool. We feel attractive and we want people to see that.
I think if you're posting a photo of yourself every once in a while that you think you look hot in or cute in or good in, I don't think that's necessarily a narcissistic behavior because I think it's normal and healthy for everybody to feel confident and attractive.
But I think if you are constantly on this high of confidence thing, feeling hot 24-7 and you're posting videos All the time, just hot photos of yourself, cute photos of yourself, good photos of yourself.
This might be a narcissistic behavior. I think if it's done on occasion, it's just a sign that you feel good and you want people to see because...
I don't know, it feels good for people to see you looking good, right?
That feels good. But I think if you're constantly doing that, then I think it's a narcissistic behavior.
The frequency is crucial here. Because if we go back to the definition of narcissism, it's excessive interest. in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance.
Note the word excessive, right? We all know somebody. who is just posting selfies all day.
And you're like, how are you still going?
You must not be doing anything else. Like, are you doing anything else today?
That to me is a narcissistic behavior because it's excessive and it's obsessive.
And I think that's the key there. So I think if you're just doing it every once in a while...
Big whoop, you know what I mean? Go off.
It's healthy, I think, to be confident and to wanna show yourself off every once in a while.
But if it's constant, I think that that's a narcissistic behavior.
Another reason why we post photos of ourselves is in a moment of weakness. when we aren't feeling so hot.
You know, we're feeling a little insecure.
And we need reassurance in some way. And posting photos of ourselves on social media And receiving compliments in the comment section of that post can really give you... a confidence boost, you know, you have the ability to edit photos of yourself. cherry pick the best photos of yourself to post on social media. so that you can almost guarantee compliments because you know you look good. because you can control whether or not you look good.
I think sometimes when we're feeling low and not good about ourselves, in a physical way, we can try to remedy that insecurity by posting a photo of ourselves that might be a little fabricated or might be kind of cherry-picked to get compliments, you know, to make us feel better about ourselves.
I think that's similar to the last example that I gave.
This can be narcissistic if it's performed too frequently.
You know, if every once in a while you're feeling down in the dumps, you're not feeling cute, so you go through your camera roll and you find a cute pic of yourself and you post it. just to get a few compliments, it's like, all right, sometimes we need to do that, right?
But if you're doing that all the time, I think that that's when it becomes a narcissistic behavior because, again... emphasis on the definition of narcissism, it's like you're so... obsessed with your appearance in the way that you're perceived and And your worth is sort of based on how you feel about yourself in a way that's imbalanced. you might need compliments about yourself in order to function.
You know what I'm saying? validation from external sources about yourself or else you have no confidence at all because all of your confidence lies in how you're perceived and how you how you look and you're obsessed with it, right?
But you can't find... confidence in it yourself.
So you need to get it elsewhere on a consistent basis.
I know that narcissism is normally kind of perceived as... more of a self-obsession in a positive way, I guess.
Like, somebody looks at themselves like they are the best person And they are so hot and so great and all this.
But I think narcissism... can also show itself in simply an obsession with oneself.
And that can actually be probably a negative thing as well.
So I think posting a photo of yourself in a moment of weakness can also be a narcissistic behavior.
Even though it might not be as obvious, I think it still can be because...
You're so obsessed with your appearance and how people perceive you. that you need to be constantly feeding the narcissism beast in your mind. with these compliments in order to function.
And there's an excessive... level of focus on your appearance and making sure everyone knows that that you look good, even though you deep down feel insecure and not good about yourself.
Right? Okay, I don't know. This is complicated and it's hurting my brain.
Another reason why we post photos of ourselves is because we want to express ourselves in some way.
Maybe we want to express ourselves through fashion.
Maybe we want to express ourselves through makeup.
I think a lot of us post photos of ourselves online to sort of help to build our creative identity in people's minds through our self-expression.
This to me is not a narcissistic behavior actually, but the line is very blurred.
Okay. In theory, you know, Posting a photo of your makeup or a cool outfit is a way to sort of share your self-expression and your creative expression, right? you are the canvas.
You know, the subject of the post is not, hey, I look hot.
It's Look at this creation I've made. You're the canvas rather than the subject.
And I think that, by nature... doesn't seem like a narcissistic behavior to me.
That's more just expressing oneself and creatively.
But I think the line is blurred because...
I think at times two things can be true when posting a photo of yourself.
You might... Post a photo because you're wearing a cool outfit and you want to show that to people.
But also... secretly deep down, you feel a little bit insecure at the moment and you I don't know, need validation for some reason.
You see what I'm saying? I think the line is blurred because you can have multiple intentions at once.
But that's a little bit too much for me to comprehend on this... fine afternoon.
I'm just going to leave it to one intention at a time, one posting intention at a time.
I would say overall, posting a picture of yourself as a means to express yourself is not narcissistic to me.
I think that's just... a way to build your identity in other people's minds and to maybe inspire other people as well.
I'm constantly inspired by the way that other people express themselves, the way that they do their makeup, the way that they... dress themselves.
I don't know. That's inspiring to me. And so...
I like to do the same thing. You know, if I'm wearing an outfit that I think is cool, I'll post a photo of it because I... want to sort of do the same thing that other people are doing.
I'm inspired by other people's you know, self-expression on the internet.
And so I wanna also express myself on the internet.
Am I going to choose a photo of myself that I think I look bad in?
No, like I'm still going to choose a good photo of myself because...
I think that that's just human nature, but it's like my intent in posting the photo when I'm doing something like that is not... to get compliments and stuff like that.
It's hopefully to sort of show a side of myself and maybe to inspire somebody else, you know, keep that chain of reaction going where we're all sort of inspiring each other creatively on the internet.
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Please fuse responsibly. Another reason why we post photos of ourselves on social media is out of competition.
I think posting pictures of ourselves online can be rooted in competitiveness at times. you might post a picture of yourself looking good and having fun and trying to look cooler and more attractive than others out of this... this feeling of wanting to be competitive with other people, wanting to be the best. you know, feeling like you have the coolest best life and you want to win in a way.
And I think this is more common than we think it is.
The way I'm describing it is it sounds a lot more extreme than I think it is.
I think a lot of it is subconscious. I think I've even participated in this to a certain extent, but on a subconscious level.
I don't even think I realized I was doing it.
We're constantly seeing other people on social media doing fun things, looking good, And that can bring out a competitive side of us where we're like, well, we want to be better.
We want to do even more fun stuff and we want to look even better.
And I think Sometimes social media can bring out a competitive side in us.
And so whether we even realize it or not, at times we might post from a competitive state of mind.
And to me, this is a narcissistic behavior in a way because...
Feeling threatened by other people's lives and feeling like you need to be on top and you need to one up and you need to be the best. to me is a sign of excessive interest in oneself.
Because if you're a little bit more neutral in regards to your view of yourself, you're a lot less likely to feel threatened by other people's lives online.
You're going to be a little bit more neutral about it.
You're not really so concerned about what everyone else is doing.
You're like, well, yeah, I mean, they look like they're having more fun than me, but whatever.
So yeah, I do think posting from a competitive place is maybe a narcissistic behavior.
Another reason why we post on social media is to potentially attract other people to us.
Maybe that's attracting friends. Maybe that's attracting a significant other or a romantic partner I think sometimes we post things on social media to sort of paint a picture of ourselves to others. to attract a certain type of person.
So we might post a photo of ourselves. looking good to try to attract a romantic partner.
We're not posting it because we're like, oh, I'm like hot right now.
I need everyone to see this and I need a confidence boost.
It's like, I'm posting this so that, I don't know, people think I'm cute so that they want to...
Give me a kiss. Okay. Sorry. You know, like that's, Definitely an intent at times.
Or you might post a photo of yourself looking friendly. looking happy, looking fun to try to attract friends. in people with a similar vibe to you, you know?
I actually don't think that posting photos of yourself to try to attract other people is a narcissistic behavior.
I think that is a normal part of our world today.
You know, we network online so much more these days that a lot of us make friends through the internet.
And our online identity doesn't mean nothing.
And we do attract people that way. I mean, I met my boyfriend through the internet.
I've met so many of my friends through the internet.
Okay, that's like, I actually haven't. I don't have that many friends.
But I have met a few friends over the internet.
I don't think that this is a narcissistic behavior because...
The intent is to socialize and to share your personality online with you as the vessel for that in the image, you know, to try to attract social experiences.
I don't know, that to me, it doesn't feel like a narcissistic behavior.
That's more an act of socializing in a way.
You have to put yourself forward online in order for people to... get a gauge of who you are in order to reach out to you.
I think that that makes sense, but that doesn't strike me as a narcissistic behavior.
Another reason why I think people post photos of themselves online is to share with close friends and family who don't have access to them.
This is kind of the original purpose for social media. to connect with people that we don't get to see on a daily basis who we already have a relationship with.
I remember when my mom made a Facebook back in the day, the reason why she made it was because She was excited to post photos of me for my grandparents to see.
And I think a lot of people had that experience with social media. when they first started using it, it was like, I want to share photos of myself with my family who doesn't get to see me all the time, my friends who don't get to see me all the time.
This is clearly not a narcissistic behavior because...
This is just relationship building. Like posting photos of yourself, for your close friends and family is to feel connected with those people.
And that makes a lot of sense to me and doesn't, really feel narcissistic by nature to me.
So... I think we can safely move on from that and say that that is not a narcissistic behavior at all.
And the last reason I can think of why we post images of ourself online is is simply because it's the norm.
I think a lot of people post photos of themselves to simply fit in because everyone else is doing it.
So it would almost be weird in some ways not to do it.
Like, I know people who don't really care about the internet.
And they also don't have... narcissistic tendencies at all.
You know, they... are not concerned about their appearance.
They're very neutral when it comes to themselves. yet they post photos of themselves on the internet once a year because they kind of feel like they have to.
I think posting photos of yourself because it's the norm is not a narcissistic behavior because...
I think at times we feel pressured to do so because it kind of feels required to be a part of society.
It's like, nowadays, if you don't have a social media presence, You're the outlier.
You're unusual. That's not... common. I don't know many people who don't have a presence online.
I can maybe think of three people Thank you.
Okay. I think you can actually feel in some ways invisible without some sort of digital footprint. because it's become such a big part of our identities now and so I think if you're just posting to be present online and to sort of have a footprint, then...
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So I guess the conclusion there is, is that. posting photos of yourself online isn't inherently narcissistic, right?
I think it's very situational. At times it is, and at times it isn't.
It depends on... Your intent, why are you posting the photo?
But I guess that brings me to my next question, which is is it bad to be a little narcissistic sometimes?
I don't know. I think having narcissistic behaviors show up every once in a while is nothing to be worried about. especially nowadays when we have access to the internet, which brings out a side of us that is narcissistic, I think it's kind of unavoidable at this point that were going to participate in narcissistic behaviors, especially online. at least a few times in our life.
I mean, it's not everybody, but I think the majority of us are going to behave in a narcissistic way every once in a while on the internet.
I almost think it's inevitable. Because it's so tempting in a way.
And it's so normalized too, you know? So I think as long as it's in moderation, I don't really know if it's a problem.
But I think when it becomes excessive and when it becomes a personality trait, it's an issue.
Yeah. posting photos of yourself 24 seven.
It's just like constantly, you know, your whole Instagram feed is just like selfies.
It's like. so overwhelming. You spend hours a day taking photos of yourself. you're relying on the comments to make you feel good about yourself. you're having a meltdown if you feel like you don't look good enough on Instagram.
That's when it becomes an issue. I think the act of posting a photo of yourself can be narcissistic.
But I also think it's not an issue unless it becomes excessive.
That's the conclusion I'm coming to today, but it's not really a conclusion, okay?
It's still up in the air. What's interesting is I think social media can actually... turn us into narcissists, even if we weren't before.
I think social media has a tendency to bring out a very narcissistic side of us that might have... remained dormant otherwise.
When I think back to why I first started posting on social media, My intent was to just be included.
Because everyone else was doing it. And I was like, well, I have to do it.
And that was why I started posting on social media but I would be lying if I said that there weren't times that I posted a photo of myself because I thought I looked good.
And I wanted everybody to see. Maybe for a compliment or two.
I would be lying if I said... I didn't post a photo every once in a while in a moment of weakness. feeling like I need a boost of confidence in some way.
I don't think I really do that as much anymore.
Thank you. But I definitely used to. It started as something that I did to fit in and it turned into something that was a little bit more narcissistic.
It brought that side out of me that I didn't have before.
I think a lot of us have become... kind of addicted to the validation and attention that likes and comments give us.
And I think by posting ourselves on social media, were unintentionally feeding a narcissistic beast in a way.
And I think there are ways to post photos of yourself online that are not narcissistic.
I named them earlier. They do exist. But I think we have to be honest with ourselves about whether or not our intentions are narcissistic and whether or not we're okay with that.
Because The truth is, as long as your narcissistic tendencies... they're not harming anyone or you, then I guess there's not really an issue there.
I guess the question is, are you okay with that?
Is that... a healthy way for you to live?
Is that impacting you negatively in a way that's a little bit hidden.
It's not obvious. Is that something you want to change?
Do you want to change that habit? Do you want to stop posting photos of yourself online for narcissistic reasons?
Or is it not really bothering you? And it's not really getting in the way of your happiness in life At this moment.
And it's not something you need to address.
Even if. Maybe it is narcissistic by nature.
I think that that's a journey that everybody needs to go on as an individual.
For me on a personal level, I feel uncomfortable at this point posting a photo online because for narcissistic reasons.
Like, I can feel... in my gut whether or not I'm doing that.
And so as of recently, I don't want to do that at all.
So anytime I'm posting a photo, it's to express myself in some way It's to participate in the beast of the internet and it's to be present on there.
Because that's just the normal thing to do these days, I guess.
For me personally, narcissistic tendencies make me unhappy.
Relying on validation from comments and likes makes me miserable.
I don't want to do that. I don't really think the desire to excessively post photos of myself is is an issue for me personally, because that's just not really how my brain works.
I'm not wired that way, I tend to be pretty self-deprecating in my mind and I... tend to see every photo of myself and feel kind of disappointed by it.
Um, unfortunately, working on that because that's like swinging too far in the other direction where it's like too negative, right? but I definitely don't have an issue with posting photos of myself excessively from a state of confidence. that applies to me.
But in general, I'm personally on a journey where I'm not interested in enabling myself to participate in narcissistic tendencies.
And I don't want to feed that beast inside of myself.
And so... moving forward, I'm going to post photos of myself online and that's okay with me.
But I feel a lot more clear now that we've had this conversation. about when I'm feeding the narcissistic beast and when I'm not.
And so I think moving forward, I can ask myself, hey, Why are you posting this?
Like, what's your intent here? And if my answer is, well, I wanna express myself, then boom, you know, that's great.
That's the type of thing I want to pose.
But if I start falling into a rhythm where I'm posting from narcissistic impulses, then that's when I might want to take a step back.
And that's when maybe I question whether or not I have a healthy relationship with social media.
This might be something that I'm overthinking to a certain extent.
It's not necessarily that deep, right? Posting on social media is just something that we all do, and who gives a fuck what the intent is, okay?
Like... Who gives a fuck, right? Fair enough.
I know that there are probably some of you out there who are thinking that right now.
But I don't know. I always like to... be coming from a good place when I do things, right?
And I'm always trying to figure out what the right thing is.
Like, what's the right thing to do? And when you think about the concept of posting an image of yourself for other people to see it sounds narcissistic, right?
Like it does. Like when you take yourself out of society today where it's so normal and you look at it with fresh eyes and a fresh perspective, it does kind of feel narcissistic.
And I think that's kind of what I've been feeling recently.
But I don't think that it is all... bad.
I think it really just depends on your intent and it depends on whether or not you have a healthy relationship with social media.
And to be honest, I think I do. I mean, I think there's always more work to be done.
There are times when... Maybe I'm subconsciously posting for the wrong reasons, but moving forward, I really want to be mindful of that so that I don't feed that narcissistic beast.
And that's what I'm gonna do. Please let me know what you think.
You can always send me a tweet or DM. Twitter is at AG podcast.
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