It's important to recharge, but when you go on vacation, please don't hide the key under the mat.
That's safe-ish.
We know safe-ish home security hacks don't actually work.
We just use them because they're easy.
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You can check from virtually anywhere with the ADT Plus app.
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Again, that's b-a-u-movie.com.
Lemonada Hello, we're here for More Happier, a podcast where we get happier.
It's the weekend.
It's more observations and reflections with a bit of a looser vibe.
Hey, Elizabeth.
Hey, Gretch.
Today we'll talk about a question related to visiting your hometown and also something extremely mundane possibly edging into the TMI territory.
But first, Elizabeth, what is something making us happier?
What's making you happier?
Well Gretch, what is making me happier is that I am now upping my Orange Theory visits to three times a week, so that I can get to my 100 number.
Ah.
So the idea was I'd go twice a week to Orange Theory and that would get me to 100.
But, you know, you get sick, you go out of town.
So I've missed a bunch.
And I realize if I want to be on track for the 100, I have to do more.
And I've been saying that for weeks slash months.
But now I'm finally doing it.
So it's making me happier that I'm following through with my plan.
Once a week, I'm doing a treadmill class.
That's what I've added in.
So it's kind of different.
Okay, so a few questions about this because, of course, as somebody who studies habits, I'm fascinated by this.
It seems like for you, this 100 is very compelling.
Yes.
You are committed to that.
I am, yes.
You know, I did 100 hikes at Fryman Canyon last year, and I made my number, and it felt so good.
So now I want to feel that same gratification this year.
I think it's a good lesson for obligers.
Different forms of accountability, work for different obligers, but this is good to know that you feel very accountable to sort of a number aim 50 or 100 or 25 minutes a day.
For you tracking like that, you do feel very accountable to it.
Yes.
And one thing I like is that it is for the year and it's the number.
So it's like, again, if I don't go for a week because I'm out of town, that's fine.
Right.
It's knowing the overall number I'm going for.
Okay.
And here's another question.
Is you know, I often say that for me it's easier to do something every day than to do it some days?
As you're doing three instead of two or one or zero, do you find that it's harder?
Is it actually easier to go paradoxically when more often?
Is it just another thing for your schedule?
How would you characterize that?
It's about the same, I would say.
I think it's hard just because, you know, I have a lot to do.
So finding another time is kind of hard.
But knowing I have to do it makes it easier, if that makes sense.
Yeah.
Right.
Committing in my mind to doing it makes it easier to go.
Yes.
Even though technically it's the same amount of hard or easy.
Right.
And then last question is, do you go at the same time or is this moving around week to week?
Moving around every week, which makes it more difficult, but I just have to do it that way.
You don't have the kind of life where you could just commit to 5 o'clock on Wednesday every week.
It's just not predictable in that way.
So that also makes it a little more difficult.
But they have a lot of classes, which really helps.
They have a lot of classes.
And do you always go to the same studio, or do you go to different studios?
You do always go to the same studio.
I always go to the same studio, yeah.
So that's what's making me happier.
Well, that's a very big, ambitious aim.
And that's a lot of orange theory.
I mean, was it last year or two years ago when your aim was to go one time to just try it out?
Well, no, that's another thing I have on my 25 for 25 list, which is to try solid core.
Which I have not.
You're always in the fashion of all these cutting-edge new classes.
Yes, I have not tried it yet, but I absolutely intend to before the year is up.
Well, I want to say that if you try it, you should be able to count it double.
You should be able to count it towards your 25 for 25, but it should also count as an Orange Theory day.
I think you should just make that call.
Okay, thank you.
How about you?
What is making you happier?
Well, I have to say that I am somebody who really does love routine and habits.
Maybe it's being in a polder, maybe it's just my nature, but I do really thrive on predictability and familiarity.
And so, as much as I love the summer and traveling and having longer days, and the summer just feels different and that's fun and exciting i have to say that i do feel some relief.
I do get a good feeling when it's like okay, we're settling back into routine and like everything speeds up because everybody's back at their desk.
But even that is nice, because you're like well, in a way you're doing more work, but on the other hand, you can get more done more easily just because everybody's back in the saddle And I do, you know, with Eliza and Eleanor going back to school, or even just the feeling of September.
It does feel like a fresh start to me.
So on the one hand it feels fresh and new and exciting in that way, but it also feels like okay, this is the familiar routine, because I am somebody who just really likes to get up and you know, Tappy kind of has thrown my routine into a little bit of disarray, but even now she's incorporated into my routine.
I like getting back into... the usual swing of things after the fun of the summer.
Yeah well, it's funny because I think of you as someone Gretch, for whom the summer really is more of a burden than the other part of the year.
Like, I think of you as you have to brace yourself for summer.
Like, okay, now I must go on vacation.
Yes, yes.
Now I must be enthusiastic about relaxing.
Yes.
Which most people are not that way, but you happen to be that way.
Yeah, I have to say it does make me sound like such a killjoy, but there is that aspect of my nature.
You could probably never go on a vacation again.
And you like how it makes you grow to just leave your element, et cetera.
Yes.
But you are not someone who's like.
I'm just craving to get on a plane and go somewhere, either to relax or to explore.
You're very happy in your routine, which is wonderful.
Yeah, there's good parts of that.
And I will say like, of the things that like, I actually anticipate in terms of like breaking me out of my schedule the reading retreat I was like wow, I really am honestly looking forward to that, in a way that other things, like I know they make me happier.
I know that novelty and of course, I feel incredibly fortunate to get to go.
It's not like I take it for granted or I'm not happy about it.
But just in terms of what suits my immediate nature.
Yes.
Yes.
I am better suited to routine and habit for sure.
But yeah, I agree.
The reading retreat, that was a revelation in terms of how appealing something could be.
Yes.
Both in anticipation and in execution.
Yes.
I could do that once a quarter.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, Gretch.
Well, coming up, there's something you've been meaning to ask me, but first this break.
It's important to recharge, but when you go on vacation, please don't hide the key under the mat.
That's safe-ish.
We know safe-ish home security hacks don't actually work.
We just use them because they're easy.
ADT's systems help keep you safe and secure and are customizable to your needs.
ADT offers tools and services like 24-7 monitoring and cameras.
You can check from virtually anywhere with the ADT Plus app.
Visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT-ASAP.
Don't settle for safe-ish.
Get ADT.
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Slash happier.
Okay listen, there's something that I've been meaning to ask you, because you and Adam and Jack were in Kansas City.
You and I both like to go with our families to Kansas City in the summer for a summer visit.
And I noticed that you were doing some new things.
And it made me reflect that when I go with Eliza and Eleanor and Jamie, I like doing all the usual things, right?
I kind of go through all the things that we always do and not really do the new things.
So I just wanted to ask you, do you like to try the new things?
Is it important to you to do the usual things?
How do you think about that when you're visiting?
Well, I do like to do the usual things.
I like to go to Winstead's the very first day that I arrive.
Sure, of course.
There are certain stores that I like to go to.
Halls.
To go to halls.
I have a new store I love called Click Boutique.
But see, there's a new thing that you're doing.
You've got a new thing you're doing.
Yes.
You were writing about this on your sub stack and I was looking at your recommendations and I was like some of these are the old familiars, like Q39.
But then there were ones I was like, oh, this is like a whole new thing.
Well, I think either Mom or Mindy told me about that store, and yeah, I do.
I like to keep up to date on what's happening in Kansas City.
I like to go to new restaurants.
A new restaurant opened near Mom and Dad that we went to and I very much was like okay, as soon as I get to Kansas City I must try out this new restaurant.
Oh, how was it?
I didn't know you'd gone.
Yes, very good.
Okay.
Now I can't think of the name, but it's on Main Street, and...
The other thing is having a boy forces me to try different things because, you know, I think we're two girls, you have two girls, so we sort of all really like certain things.
And Jack's just like.
He's not really interested in going to the miniature museum or he doesn't care about going to halls or walking around the plaza.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, for instance, this time we went to Topgolf because Jack and Adam love golf.
And dad has known about this place to try.
And we'd heard about Topgolf but never gone.
And so we said, well, let's try it out.
Well, what's funny is now that we did it and we really liked it.
In fact, we went twice while we were there.
We were only there three days.
Yeah.
That'll be like something we do every time.
Sure.
But that's the thing.
If you never try new things, then you never add anything.
Yes.
Well, it's like we did the escape room because one year Eliza loves escape rooms.
And now whenever we're all together, we try to do an escape room.
And that's.
Yes.
A whole new.
We explore all different parts of Kansas City because we go to these different escape rooms.
So, yeah.
Well and I think it is fun to it makes our hometown stay new and dynamic, not just, you know, a relic on the shelf.
It's an evolving, changing place.
Yeah see, and I need to remember that because I definitely have the sense of I want to go to Loose Park and walk around the pond and I want to go to Kauffman Gardens and look at the flowers, and I want to go to Winstead's and I want to go for barbecue, and I want to go to Westport or Crestwood, and I have these things that I want to do every time.
But you're right, then it gets stale.
And then it also might start to feel like it's getting diminished because some of these things go away.
And if you don't add new things, then you're right.
You don't have a sense of being connected to the vitality of the city.
Yeah.
The key is we have to just go enough so that we can do the things we love and do new things.
Well, and also, you know, what I think is interesting about going is we always go at Christmas.
Well, you go every other year at Christmas.
We go every year at Christmas.
And we go in the summer, sometimes at the same time, sometimes at different times.
But then there was that year where I forget why, but just you and I went to stay with mom and dad.
And it was the springtime.
And we realized that neither one of us had been in Kansas City in the springtime for years.
And then on the plaza they had those larger than life bunnies that are like all dressed up in their formal clothes and their party clothes.
And they've been the same, I have to point out, since we were born.
Oh yeah.
The minute I saw them, a thousand memories came rushing back, but I'd forgotten that I remembered them until I saw them.
This year we went in June and so we didn't have the cicadas.
And I said to mom and dad oh, I miss so much the cicada sound because you've made me so aware of that sound as being so.
Kansas City.
And I'm like, well, but if you go in June, you don't hear that.
Yes.
And we did hear it when we were just there in August Scratch, Jack and Adam and I We were actually watching a movie with mom and dad and the cicadas were so loud.
Sometimes I couldn't hear the dialogue.
Oh, I mean, they can get as loud, I think, as like a lawnmower.
I mean, they get really, really loud.
But here's the thing is that if you look at the happiness research, what the research shows is that novelty makes people happier.
It makes time richer.
Even something like going to a new restaurant instead of your old favorite restaurant tends to make people happier.
Though I do think that there's a lot to be said for revisiting things.
I think there's a lot of pleasure in that, too.
But then I think it's the things you do that are unusual or different that then stick out in your mind.
Because otherwise every visit to Winstead's just blurs into every other visit, which is wonderful.
But then I think one year with dad, Eliza, Eleanor, and I did this ropes course.
Yes, I remember hearing about that.
It was a whole intense thing.
Like it wasn't a uniformly positive experience, but boy, it was memorable.
I remember that much better, even though it was many, many years ago.
I mean, it must be like Right.
At least seven years ago now.
I remember that much better than like oh, this is us walking around the plaza getting iced coffee.
As much as I love going to rainy day books, it's like, okay, here it is again.
It's not strikingly notably different because it's something that we do over time.
So I guess the lesson is to try to aim to do both, even if you're someone like me who feels very compelled by the familiar.
Right.
Right.
Well, you may do something and love it and then want to add it to your routine.
So it's worth trying.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's very true.
Interesting.
All right, Gretch, what is our spotlight on a tool this week?
Okay.
So it is bonkers to think of this, but I realized that my book about the four tendencies is came out eight years ago.
So I had written Better Than Before my book about habit change, which is all about the ways that we can make or break our habits.
And that talks about the 21 strategies we can use to make or break our habits.
And one of the strategies was use the four tendencies.
Use your knowledge about whether you were an upholder, a questioner obliged or a rebel to figure out how to set yourself up for success.
But then what's better than before it came out?
All anybody wanted to ask me about was the four tendencies.
So then I was like, well, I guess I'll write a book for the four tendencies.
And so this is a tool for you.
And if you don't know what you are, you can take the quiz at gretchenrubin.com slash quiz.
And if you know what you are or you just figured out what you are, there are three months left in the year.
It's really a great time to check in on what you want to accomplish for 2025, if there's something that you've been meaning to tackle and it's still hanging over you, or there's something where you've drifted away from something.
Thinking about your tendency can really be a useful way to figure out what's standing in your way and what will help you finish strong.
So often I will talk to people and I'm like You're telling me that you want to do this and you're telling me you're an obliger and yet there is no outer accountability for this.
That is the solution.
But the fact is things change, and what worked in January might not be exactly what you need now.
So it is a good time to just step back and reflect.
And the book, The Four Tendencies, is really meant to be a toolkit.
It is full of strategies of how to deal with yourself in all different kinds of situations very specific and then also how to deal with other people who have that tendency, or how to deal with relationships in different combinations.
We just know how useful it is for people.
Because Gretch, any time I meet a listener, the first thing they do is say oh, I'm an obliger, I'm a questioner, I'm a rebel, whatever.
I'm an upholder.
I mean, invariably.
Right, right.
No, I know.
I find that so satisfying.
I love this framework so much.
And there's so much material on my site that is aimed at helping people deal with this.
So if you go to happiercast.com slash tendencies, or you can just go to my website and poke around.
There's tons of stuff there, tons of tools.
And again, you can take the quiz there.
Just if you need a little bit of a boost before the year's up to achieve your aims for yourself.
Excellent.
Okay, Gretch, coming up, there is something you've been meaning to tell me, but first this break.
No sightseeing, no scheduling, no stress.
And it got us thinking that you could really turn anything into a themed retreat.
You could go biking.
You could go hiking.
You could do a board game retreat with friends or a binge-watching retreat.
Whatever you're into, it's all about blocking out time and dedicating yourself to something you love.
And while you're away, why not host your home on Airbnb?
It's an easy, flexible way to take in some extra cash and make the most of your space.
And who knows, that cozy reading nook that you enjoy in your house day to day could be the site of someone else's first annual reading retreat.
Your home might be worth more than you think.
Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash host.
From fitness routines to mental resilience, navigating personal goals to tackling burnout we all need a little help being human.
That's what the Life Kit podcast from NPR is here to do.
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Life Kit offers real stories, relevant insights and clear takeaways to help you meet those decision-making moments with confidence and clarity.
The thing about Life Kit is, I feel like so often the episodes are specifically what I need at the moment.
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Okay, Gretch, we're back.
What have you been meaning to tell me?
Okay, this is about flossing.
Elizabeth, you know why I'm thinking about you with the subject of flossing.
Yes, I should mention that flossing is like an issue in my life.
I really need to floss twice a day.
I have subpar gums, as I like to say.
It's a struggle.
I don't think anybody likes to floss twice.
I have recently somewhat recently gotten this device that's a toothbrush and a water pick, because for some reason that makes it easier to do water flossing.
I should mention that my dentist also wants me to water floss.
So floss and water floss.
Oh, both.
Yes.
Okay.
But the water flossing, I was just like, that is not happening.
And then Sarah convinced me to get this.
I'll tell you what's good about having an overbuyer in your life.
They find some really fantastic things that I would not find.
I would never have bought this.
But Sarah bought it and went on a campaign for a year to get me to buy it because she knew about my flossing issues.
And she was 100% right.
So it can lead to some great things to have the overbuyer testing out products.
Well, I want to say that is a great drive-by observation because I think a lot of times overbuyers feel bad about being overbuyers.
Well, they're usually extremely well-prepared for things, so that's great about being an overbuyer.
But also that's right.
They're good cool hunters or good solution finders because they're willing to try things out.
Well, speaking of tools and flossing, there was a recent article in the New York Times and I'll put a link in the show notes that was called Dentists.
Know, You Hate Flossing.
Try This Instead.
And so it was making the point, and this is just for the regular person.
It's just like you kind of have an elevated need to floss, but all of us should floss.
And the point of flossing is to get rid of plaque.
And the thing about plaque is it leads to gum disease and inflammation around teeth.
But it's also something that has always surprised me is that gum disease is associated with many health conditions which seem completely unrelated, like heart disease and type 2 diabetes.
And so you really don't want to have gum disease.
So it turns out, if you use a toothbrush, that gets rid of about 40 to 60 of plaque, but it doesn't do a good job of going between teeth.
Mm-hmm.
And the fact is we should floss because that's how you do clean between the teeth.
But about one third of Americans actually floss.
So it is not something that everybody is doing the way I think you know.
Just about everybody brushes their teeth, but it is not the fact that people floss.
So the point of the article was that sometimes you can find a different device, as you did, that might make it more pleasant or effective.
Because what everybody says with flossing is the same thing they say about exercise or whatever.
Which is the best thing to do is the thing you actually do.
And this is especially for questioners who can get very, very intent on, like the optimal, the best, the maximizer solution.
It's like, yeah, but it's the thing that you stick to that is going to do the most.
And so they talked about these little scrubbers called interdental brushes that have bristles.
They're usually made of nylon or rubber.
And it turns out that more and more dental professionals are encouraging people to try them either along with floss or instead of floss, because some people stick to it better.
I myself use something called Gum Soft Picks.
And here's the thing that I think is a little bit TMI, which is that I find it actually enjoyable to use these things, because it's more like picking your teeth, which I hate to say, but I find it enjoyable to pick my teeth in the privacy of my own bathroom, of course.
Mm-hmm.
Not at a restaurant.
Right.
But like flossing, I don't enjoy.
Though I do like the feeling afterward.
But this is something that I actually enjoy.
Okay.
I'm curious.
I got to try one, Gretch.
I've never tried that.
Well, I wonder if you actually...
Ask your dentist what he would say, because they're all different names and I don't know if they're like all created equal.
There's dental picks, interdental brushes.
You have a water flosser.
But I really have to say sometimes – I mean, again, this is maybe too much information.
Sometimes just sitting at my desk because I like to fuss.
I like to – be drinking something or chewing on a straw, or doing something with my mouth while I'm focusing.
And sometimes I'll just use my little interdental brush and pick between my teeth as I focus.
And I hate to say it, but it actually really does help me focus.
Well, you know what?
I wish that there was a word alternative to pick.
I just, I hate the word pick.
No, 100%.
I don't like water pick.
I don't like a soft pick.
I don't like it.
Isn't that interesting?
Yeah, what would that, okay, let's brainstorm.
What would be some cleaner?
Yeah, cleaner would be better.
Or just brusher, like a water brusher.
I mean, water, that's why I like to say water floss because even floss sounds better.
Floss sounds better, yeah.
But floss is a very graphic term.
There's just a visceralness that I don't enjoy to the whole idea of talking about plaque.
I mean, the whole thing is just not that attractive.
Yeah.
But it really matters.
I mean, that's the thing is it feels sort of optional, but teeth are incredibly important.
They really are.
Well, what is that line?
Because I have the proverbs of the professions.
There's one of dentists and a lot of professions have their own version.
But it's like only brush the teeth that you want to use, you know, or that you want to keep.
Yes.
There's also floss in the morning.
Sailors take warning.
And then floss at night to keep your teeth.
Wait, no, say that again.
Sorry.
I was so delighted about my sailor.
I miss what you said.
It's something like you floss in the morning to keep your friends and you floss at night to keep your teeth.
I believe that's what it is.
Okay, I like that.
Yeah, sometimes appealing to something other than gum health might make it a more appealing thing.
Interesting.
Okay, well, it's just branch out beyond.
If you're having trouble flossing with regular floss, try something different.
Oh, I think there's also like flavored floss now where you can get all these like bonkers flavors.
And so that's kind of interesting.
Yeah, mango.
Okay, Gretch, finally, what is our quote this week?
Okay.
This is a very thought-provoking line.
I think it comes from the memoir Lab Girl by Hope Jaron.
She writes, pretending that things are true is often more fun than knowing they are false.
So Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?
Yes, I am feeling happier.
Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck.
If you haven't subscribed to Lemonada Premium yet, now is the time.
You can listen ad-free.
Just tap the subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or go to lemonadapremium.com.
Bye, Gretch.
Bye, Elizabeth.
The best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago.
The second best time is now.
So Elizabeth, how many times did you eat at Winstead's?
Just once, unfortunately, because it was kind of a quick trip.
But we also ate at Q39.
So we got in Winstead's and Q39 and two other restaurants.
So it was actually a lot of dining out.
Oh, that's good.
From the Onward Project.
If you've been keeping up with the podcast, you know that last month, Elizabeth and I went on our first ever reading retreat, which was amazing.
It was so fun just eating, reading, and sleeping all day every day.
No sightseeing, no scheduling, no stress.
And it got us thinking that you could really turn anything into a themed retreat.
You could go biking.
You could go hiking.
You could do a board game retreat with friends or a binge-watching retreat.
Whatever you're into, it's all about blocking out time and dedicating yourself to something you love.
And while you're away, why not host your home on Airbnb?
It's an easy, flexible way to take in some extra cash and make the most of your space.
And who knows, that cozy reading nook that you enjoy in your house day to day could be the site of someone else's first annual reading retreat.
Your home might be worth more than you think.
Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash host.
