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Hello, we're here for More Happier, a podcast where we get happier.
Alyssa, we'll be together in Kansas City for the holidays this year.
I cannot wait.
It's so fun.
Yes, it is always the best when we're all together in one place.
Yeah, and it reminded me of how much getting together contributes to our happiness.
Whether it's a big meal or something casual, having people over helps deepen relationships.
And we all know that.
Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists agree relationships are a key, maybe the key to happiness.
Yes, and it does not have to be elaborate.
Just spending time together outside the usual routines makes people feel more connected.
We know this.
Yeah.
So we wanted to revisit an episode all about entertaining hats.
Ideas to make hosting easier, more manageable, and of course, even more fun.
Yes, they came from us, from listeners, of course, from our mom Gretchen, who's basically a professional host.
Yes.
We love how she entertains.
We love to copy her tips.
Yes, we do.
So in this episode we're starting with some of her best hacks, in the hopes that they'll make your gatherings this year a little simpler and more fun.
Here we are back in episode 430.
So one thing mom likes to do is place cards.
So she said, even with as few as six, it's nice to have an assigned seat.
And we even do that at Christmas.
Yeah.
Even with just family.
And here she had a great idea which I have copied, which is if you're doing it for a family thing and you have little kids or even big kids, have them, make the place cards like, write the names, and then you can use them year after year.
And it's so sweet to see like their, their little handwriting or I love stickers.
Now you can put stickers on them.
It's really a fun, it's a task that you can give people to create the place cards.
They can be a great memento and it is nice to just know where you're sitting.
It is, it is kind of nice to know that even if it is family.
And then mom also said if you're feeling ambitious, a menu card with the person's name on top could be a nice place card.
Yeah.
No, I know mom kind of taught herself how to print really well and she'll get nice paper and print on nice paper.
But I know, when I go somewhere and there's a menu at my place, especially if my name is on it, I feel very fancy and glamorous.
It feels very fancy.
Okay.
And this is the thing.
Mom knows how to print this stuff.
And she prints her own invitations.
And this is something that I want to learn how to do because she says it's not that hard.
All you have to do is basically adjust the paper side on the computer and figure out the spacing.
Because you've talked about this in terms of elevating things, Elizabeth.
If things are personalized or monogrammed, they feel more elevated.
And I think a printed invitation... feels more elevated.
And it's just a fun creative outlet.
So I want to learn how to do this myself, because she always sends us a picture of her invitations and they look so great.
So I think this would be fun, but here's something funny.
So a friend of mine is getting married and And she sent a printed save the date card.
And it was very, it was really cool.
And I was all excited because I was like, oh, it's so funny to get something in the mail.
So often, like they just send something through email.
But then I also got one through email.
So I think she was like, yeah, I'm going to send it in the mail.
And that's fun.
But people also need the convenience of the email version.
So she sent both versions, which I thought was so of the moment.
Very clever.
But I want to learn how to print invitations because I think I would get a lot of fun from that little bit of elevation and creativity.
Yes.
And then another thing mom taught us is to seat people on the ends of rectangular tables.
So Rich, explain why this is a good idea.
Okay.
So and this just came up in my life because I was planning a dinner for my in-laws for the milestone anniversary
Okay.
So if you have a rectangular table, you can have equal, equal numbers on both sides and nobody on the end, or you can have somebody on the ends.
Okay.
And mom says, if you have them on the ends, it opens up people's ability to have conversations, because sometimes it's hard to speak over a table.
And so if you're sitting at the end of a rectangular table with nobody on the end, you're just.
You can really only talk to one person.
Or maybe, if you can talk across the table, you can talk to two, but you're sort of stuck.
But if you put somebody on the ends, all of a sudden everybody in the table has a lot more flexibility and in having conversation
And I have to say, this is something I had figured out myself.
And we have a kind of a wider it's not even that wide dining room table, but I always prefer to be jammed in close than spaced out.
And we will sit two people on the end of our dining room table.
And it's great because you can engage in conversation easily with so many people because there's two people on the end.
So that is a great tip.
Yeah.
And you might think, like for tablescapes and stuff, it's probably nice sometimes not to have people on the ends, But I think for a conversation it really is nice to have people on the ends.
And then another one of mom's hacks is that if there's any way possible to have someone to clean the kitchen and do dishes, just to help out, that it makes a big difference.
She suggested maybe hiring your children for the evening.
Yeah.
It's like the more help, the better, if you can afford it, obviously.
Right, right.
Yeah.
Now, I remember we helped out with parties in our day.
It's kind of fun, too.
Serving.
Yes.
Oh, serving.
Yeah, for sure.
Okay, Elizabeth, I know you have a lot of hacks.
What are some of the things you've figured out?
Well Gretchen, I think I've mentioned this before on the podcast, but one thing I love is trying to do a tablescape.
You know, I have my sort of latent passion for tablescapes.
Yes.
Not so latent anymore.
You're really... Well, I mean, mine are simple at best.
Yeah.
But one thing that I have started doing, which again got from mom, is having crackers on the table, which we've talked about, are the things you pull apart and they make a noise and little prizes come out.
And there are so many now, not just Christmas crackers.
They're for Halloween, for St.
Patrick's Day, for Easter.
You can just get silver ones.
You can get ones, I think you got ones shaped like a champagne bottle.
Yes, exactly.
They have all sorts and it really just elevates the table and it's an activity for everyone to do.
Now obviously, if you are hosting a bigger event or something that's not sit down like a Mahjong game, crackers don't really fit in.
But for a dinner, they're great.
Yeah.
I completely agree.
Another thing that I like to do, Gretchen, I've learned is to invite people after dinner.
So again, take the Mahjong example.
I just say, okay, come at seven.
I'll have snacks and dessert and drinks and be clear that I'm not dealing with dinner.
Dinner just takes it to another place.
Even if you're ordering in, you have to... have it heated enough.
You have to put it out.
You have to decide if you're going to put it in other dishes or in the container it came.
I mean, it's just a hassle.
So I like to shirk dinner.
Well, and I do this with my because I'm in those children's literature reading groups and every holiday season I have a party for everyone together and I have it for drinks and sweets and, And it's from like six to eight.
It is dinner time, but I'm not serving dinner.
So eat before, eat after.
But that's just not what's happening because like don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Yes.
Oh, another thing I think about avoiding dinner is brunch can be easier.
You can make brunch pretty simple.
So if you still want to have a meal but you want to keep it easy, have people over for pizza or have them over for brunch.
Yes.
Yes.
You can get away with bagels and fruit salad.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Another hack Gretchen is to come up with something that's going to be done on a regular basis.
So for instance, a book club, a dinner club, a lunch club.
Mom has been in her lunch bunch for decades.
Yeah.
And what I like about this is it just forces the issue.
Yes.
Now, whether you're the person who says I'm going to just host book club every month, or you rotate, whatever the case, it forces you to entertain when you may not want to.
Yes.
Because often we don't feel like doing it, but we're glad we did.
Well, and it's something that can be done at any time is often done at no time.
And this is like, this has to be done at this time.
And so then you do it and then you're glad you did it.
Yes, that happens to me.
Okay, Gretch, so this is a big one that I've recently decided to embrace.
And this hack is to decide to entertain at the last minute.
Ooh, spontaneity.
I think we feel like it needs to be planned well in advance.
Yeah.
But the truth is, if you plan it last minute, nobody's expecting anything.
Oh, well, that's good.
Yeah.
So if you say, hey, do you want to come over tonight?
Super casual.
Then the people know it's super casual because how not casual could it be last minute?
Right.
Even if it's the day before.
Right.
But, you know, if it's planned really far in advance, you feel more pressure to elevate.
Right.
If you're like oh, why don't you come over and watch the Academy Awards, or something like that, that day?
Then people are like, oh, that would be fun.
Yeah, okay, so be on the lookout for kind of spontaneous hospitality.
Yes, like I have a friend who will just say oh, I'm thinking of having some ladies over Friday night because my kids are out of town.
Do you want to come?
And you just know you're just going to hang.
It's not like a big to-do.
Oh, that's great.
That's great, and it's still so fun.
Yes.
And it gives me less time for hostess neurosis.
Right.
Well, we both have that, you know, hostess neurosis.
This is the anxiety of entertaining.
Yes.
Yes.
Because that can be nights of sitting up in the middle of the night thinking I'm going to have to go to the grocery store on Sunday or whatever.
Yeah.
And doing it last minute definitely cuts down on the hostess neurosis.
Well, and you and I, and mom too, we do get hostess neurosis.
So that is the anxiety of entertaining.
So want to get rid of that as much as possible.
Okay, Gretchen.
Now here's a real next level hack that I have.
I have not myself done this, but I aspire to.
I know people who do. which is to have a party favor.
Ooh, yes.
Because I think we think of party favors as something kids have.
Yes.
But I've been to several things where people give a party favor and it's just so fun.
So, for example, someone gave my favorite Armenian pastry, which is called gata, tied up in like a cellophane bag with a ribbon.
And you just took that with you when you left.
I
Another time somebody gave everybody bracelet flasks which were just really fun and funny, and you know, a kick.
Yeah.
A friend of mine at her birthday party, she had a milestone birthday.
She gave everybody a little box that had hearts, candy hearts in it with phrases on it about her.
Oh, fun.
So, you know, her initials, her age, something about her.
Oh, fun.
She likes to do triathlon, so it said try.
Another person gave a little plant at the end of a dinner party, which was really sweet.
So, I mean, it just kind of fills you with like a warm feeling to walk away with something.
Yeah.
Well, you know, this is a great thing for listeners.
Do you have good ideas for favors?
Because this is the kind of thing where you don't want to spend a lot of money, but sometimes it is fun to have something, especially if it is personalized or it feels very appropriate.
It does elevate it.
It makes it feel like more like a thing.
It's kind of the opposite of spontaneity.
It really shows care and thoughtfulness and that makes it feel more consideration.
Yeah.
And then you can just get ideas from other people like we do from listeners.
Yeah.
And Gretch, my last hack is to co-host.
Whenever I co-host with Sarah.
For instance, we had the writers over for the finale of Fantasy Island.
Much easier when it's not just me, but I have my co-host.
Yeah.
Oh, that's a great idea.
And then there's some hacks that both of us have learned.
For instance, and Alyssa, this is true for Mahjong.
It's true, for I had a taste party, which I write about in Life in Five Senses, where you have some kind of activity that you're doing.
Or like charade night.
Yes.
You know, right.
I did a years ago.
I was at a dinner party where we all started talking about perfume and people were so fired up.
I keep thinking I should have a perfume party where everybody brings their favorite and we all like smell.
Or we had a listener.
Melissa said that she has a podcast club instead of a book club because her friends are all in the phase of life where they're so busy.
They weren't reading the book, but they can all listen to a podcast and talk about it.
So I thought that was a good idea for an activity for a party.
Yes.
All right, Gretch, what are some of your entertaining hacks?
Elizabeth, a lot of my hacks are sort of versions of your hacks.
One is to look for an opportunity to entertain, like maybe it's the anniversary of your book group or there's some other kind of milestone.
I think that can be fun to have a reason to do it.
Again, something that's done at any time is often done at no time.
So look for reason.
And here's one.
Sometimes with things like book clubs, people can get worried or annoyed if not enough people come or if they feel like people aren't showing up.
And my mantra is it's always the right number of people.
Hmm.
The right number of people always show up, even if it's two people.
One of my favorite book clubs was just two people showed up.
It was me and a friend.
I was hosting.
So instead of hosting, we just went out for dinner and it was fantastic.
So just to not, I think if a lot of people come or not that many people come, that's okay.
It's always the right number.
And then I thought this was just something funny.
If you're, because we are coming up in wedding season, I thought this was great language.
If you're trying to limit the number of children at your wedding, how do you articulate that?
So this invitation said we love you and we love your children.
But due to capacity constraints, we've had to institute the bottle rule, which I had never heard of.
It explains if your children aren't bottle feeding that is, under one year, or hitting the bottle the alcohol bottle they'll have to miss the fun.
So I thought that was just sort of a fun thing kind of way to announce a rule.
That was kind of whimsical.
And speaking of readings, we are coming up in wedding season.
And so I'll remind people that at GretchenRubincom slash resources, you can get our collection of wedding readings if you're doing wedding readings.
Yes, we are always looking for wedding readings.
Coming up, we have entertaining hacks from listeners.
But first, this break.
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All right Gretchen, we are back with hacks from listeners and they're in a few different categories.
The first one, as we mentioned earlier, is get help.
Yes.
So a few listeners wrote in to remind us about an idea that we talked about in episode 393, which is a hack that came from First Lady Jill Biden, which is to use post-it notes that list last minute jobs that people can do to help.
So you put up all these post-it notes and then when people ask to help, you just say pick a post-it note and do it and take the post-it note down.
And so it can be things like cut up the lemons for drinks, open wine bottles, fill the ice bucket, fill the water glasses, light the candles.
And so people can see what jobs need to be done.
Claim a job, do it, and then you can see what remains to be done, and you don't have to be in the middle of it.
And I think the larger point is ask for help.
Really look for ways to recruit other people when possible.
You don't have to do every single task yourself if you don't have to do every single task yourself.
Yeah.
When we had people over the other night to watch Fantasy Island, I just said to everybody please help yourself to drinks, because if I'm just running around, make sure everybody has something to drink.
I'm going to drive myself nuts.
Yeah.
And like let people bring their stuff into the kitchen.
It's like that takes one second if, you know, many hands make light work, etc.
And then we get a lot of suggestions related to making prep work easier.
Elin said make a list of things I need to buy.
Prepare and do that.
I keep and check off before each party.
Stock up on wine and booze each time.
I go grocery shopping months ahead of the party to cut down on party expenses on the month of the party.
Right.
That's smart.
Yeah.
Spread it out over time.
Andrea says for each holiday, I have an index card with a menu and shopping list on it.
Well, this is great if you tend to do something like you have a lot of traditions, because you don't need to reinvent that list.
You've got it.
Cheryl said I toss all the dirty dishes in a laundry basket and hide them in the bathtub before guests arrive.
I love it.
Women after my own.
Yeah.
Love it.
And now on the opposite side, Marcy Ann says I keep my house company ready with a baseline of cleanliness and a couple of snacks and drinks on hand, so that it's easy to spontaneously invite friends over.
So I think that works for some people, but others have to just say like, deal with it, company.
Yes, deal with the mess.
Deal with the mess, christina said for kids birthday parties.
The night before i pre-scoop ice cream into cupcake liners and put them in the freezer on a baking sheet.
When it's time to cut the cake, it's easy to ask one of the adults at the party to grab them and pass them out as i cut the cake.
It saves time as you're trying to serve everyone and is one less sticky mess the day of the party.
And if you have multiple flavors, you don't have the flavors mixing on the ice cream scoop bouncing back and forth, since you scoop all of one flavor at a time.
This hack always gets a brilliant from a first-time guest.
Well listen, our holiday dinners it's always like okay, remember to take out the ice cream while we're eating the turkey, or else it's going to be rock hard.
It's always kind of a little bit of a thing.
I think that's a great idea.
Natalie says one way I keep entertaining simple and environmentally friendly is I have a birthday box containing everything needed for a birthday party in one place.
Balloons, a reasonable happy birthday sign, birthday candles, photo props, streamers, etc.
This way I'm not buying plastic decorations only to be thrown out in 24 hours.
It saved me lots of time and energy.
Yes, I do this with New Year's.
Whenever I end up having people over for New Year's, I get out that box.
Amy said, run the dishwasher and empty it before guests arrive.
Then as the night goes on, you add to it so your kitchen doesn't look too cluttered.
Or when everyone leaves.
You'll have one less thing to do when you're tired and don't want to clean up.
That's a great idea.
All right, Gretch, coming up, we're going to have more listener hacks.
But first, this break.
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Yes.
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Yes, I often find myself making mugs, custom mugs, but there's so many things you can make.
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More hacks.
We can all learn from each other.
These hacks are so helpful.
And this bunch of hacks is related to lowering the bar.
Again, don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Don't get a perfect, get it going.
Remember all those mantras.
Yes.
So Julie, Elise says we have an awesome front porch with seating for four comfortably and six pushing it.
Great for small gatherings or happy hour with a set time limit.
Come for a drink.
Great.
It's sort of self-limiting.
Yes.
Shannon says, I love themed potlucks.
For example, a board night where everyone brings a different type of charcuterie board, easily customizable, a little more fun than a regular potluck and the host doesn't have to do everything.
So again it's like you're elevating something, putting your own little spin or theme on it, but basically in a way that keeps things manageable.
Yes.
Bonnie said, no Judgment Fridays where you invite another family over for takeout.
Only one rule.
You're not allowed to clean up.
I love it.
I love it.
It's not a bug.
It's a feature.
No Judgment Fridays.
Love it.
Like give it a name, slap a fun name on it, and it goes.
Amy says, we host open house style cocktail parties from 4 to 6 p.m.
We've had fantastic attendance because many friends can pop in on their way to other gatherings.
Because it isn't mealtime, I put out snacks, which skips the need to make a big meal.
Now Elizabeth, this strikes me as the kind of thing that could work really well in some places, but not others.
Like this would not work in New York City very well.
And I imagine that it might not work that well in Los Angeles.
Yes, because you have to go such far distances that people don't want to drive to one neighborhood and then drive to a whole other neighborhood.
Although it could work if you're going to a school event, Gretch.
Well, see, this is what I'm thinking.
We happen to just live very close to our daughter's school.
And so we could have done this.
Why don't you come for a drink before this big meeting that all the parents are going to, or this performance, or whatever, because people would have been in our neighborhood anyway.
So yeah, I wish I'd kind of clued into this as an idea.
In Kansas City, I think people probably do this a lot.
It's probably because it's easier.
So that's good.
Well, in Kansas City they do the thing of like drinks one place, dinner another place, maybe even dessert somewhere else.
Yeah.
That would be super fun.
Super fun.
Yeah.
Now this is another bunch of hacks related to just making it easier.
How do you make the actual entertaining easier?
Yes.
So Jean Marie said, we love having a signature thing.
We host a crawfish boil a few times a year, and it's become something family and friends really look forward to.
And we can easily pull it off because we have done it several times and have a system.
We also host every Christmas Eve, but the whole family plans the menu and contributes.
I think this is really good.
Have one that you just execute the same way.
If you're somebody who has host dysneurosis, because it just gets easier and easier the more you do the same thing.
I think that's a great idea.
Chrissy says, nothing beats brownie mix.
People rave over a warm brownie with a scoop of ice cream, and you can offer different ice cream flavors or use different mix-ins for your brownies.
It does not have to be fancy.
That is so true.
Or like Toll House chocolate chip cookies.
There is nothing better.
Michelle says, I love the Aussie way of entertaining.
Bring your own meat and drinks if it's a barbecue.
Or if dinner, the host does the main and asks each guest to bring something to compliment.
Still, everyone brings their own drinks and shares.
It's very cost effective so we can host most weekends.
Yeah.
I think Australians are famous for their hospitality.
So yeah.
Yeah.
So it's a great idea.
Sarah suggests tacos with various fillings.
Work for meat lovers vegans gluten-free, dairy and nut allergies and picky kids.
They are my go-to for feeding a group, especially when I don't know all the dietary needs.
And finally, Gretchen.
Our last hack is actually about being a guest at a party as opposed to hosting a party.
And that comes from Kate.
She says, Hi, Gretchen.
I absolutely loved your episode 424 with Michael Melcher about his book, Your Invisible Network.
He talks about being a secret agent at a party where your mission is to make the party go better.
And this is one of my favorite things to do at a party, especially when I don't know anyone or feel awkward.
I'm pretty good at taking photos, so I give myself the job of party photographer.
I make sure to photograph any special touches up close and especially grab a few shots of the hosts and or their children.
I try to imagine what they would like in their family photo memories and make sure to photograph that.
When I get home I very lightly edit, mostly just crop my favorites and then I text them to the host as soon as possible.
I find that, as a host myself, I almost never take that many pictures of my party and would love the mementos.
I usually get rave reviews and often find my photos on social media posts later in the day.
I'm happy to help and it creates a warm bond between awkward guests think class birthday party and hosts that can help forge friendships later on.
Oh my goodness, so many great hacks.
Elizabeth, I am totally fired up to entertain more.
Me too.
It made me realize that with just a few small tweaks, hosting does not have to feel so overwhelming.
Yeah, let us know if you tried any of these at home and which entertaining hacks help you the most.
Find us on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook.
We always love hearing what works for you.
We can all learn from each other.
Here's to more fun, less stress, and stronger connections this holiday season.
So, Elizabeth, are you feeling happier?
I am feeling happier.
Thank you to Chuck and everyone at Lemonada.
Remember, if you want to listen ad-free, you can subscribe at LemonadaPremium.com.
Bye, Gretch.
Bye, Elizabeth.
The best time to start a happiness project is 20 years ago.
The second best time is now.
From the Onward Project.
Hi Gretchen, Craig Robinson and my little sister Michelle here.
We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.
We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you.
You know, Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes.
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you.
Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective.
So consider questions like this.
What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me?
Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me?
If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose?
And here's a question.
Would I like to have more time in solitude restorative solitude or would I like to have more time with friends?
You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier.
With greater self-knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values.
In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition.
For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson wherever you get podcasts.
You can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents, and so many more.
