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Hello and welcome to more happier, a podcast where we get happier.
Today we're talking about something that so many of us struggle with sticking to a regular exercise habit.
Research shows that getting regular movement is one of the best things we can do for our health and happiness, yet so many of us struggle to make it a habit.
Part of the reason is that what makes a habit stick is different depending on who you are, and the four tendencies explains why.
It's a personality framework that I created that divides people into four categories based on how they respond to expectations, and your tendency determines what strategies are most likely to help you stick to any habit, including exercise.
Now, Elizabeth and I have talked about exercise and the four tendencies many times on the podcast.
So today we're pulling together some of the most useful ideas from over the years.
We'll hear from listeners who have used their tendency to make exercise a lasting habit and then take a closer look at how to use accountability in a meaningful way.
But first Elizabeth and I will talk about the research on exercise and the strategies we actually use ourselves.
Active people have lower incidences of all sorts of health issues heart disease obesity, dementia.
Exercise improves circulation posture focus, creativity.
Research shows that people who exercise are healthier, more energetic, they think more clearly, they sleep better.
They have delayed onset of dementia.
They have better immune function.
They get relief from anxiety and mild depression.
And exercise is linked to happier moods overall.
Yes.
And if you're feeling tired, that's actually a reason to exercise, not a reason to skip exercise.
It will make you less tired.
Yeah no, unless you're like really exercising at the outer limits.
You're doing a long run when you're training for the marathon.
For most people, exercise will boost energy, not deplete energy.
So feeling sluggish is a reason to exercise, not a reason to skip exercising.
And energy itself is tied to happiness, because when we have more energy, then we can do the things that we know.
That will make us happier, but take effort.
Like planning a party or dealing with a nagging task or clearing clutter, or calling a friend or volunteering.
When we have physical energy, we're more likely to do the things that then will make us happier.
Yeah.
And Gretchen, I know if I've exercised in a day, I feel like it was a good day.
No matter what else happened, I feel like I did that.
I accomplished that.
This was a good, productive day.
Yeah.
So, before we get into the specific hacks, I thought it might be helpful to talk about some of the major strategies that these exemplify.
So, in Better Than Before my book about habit change, I talk about the 21 strategies that we can use to make or break our habits.
And there's some that come up over and over as we hear a listener's suggestions and we talk about our own suggestions.
And we won't go through all four tendencies.
But if you want to learn about the tendencies and learn your tendency, take the quiz gretchenrubincom slash quiz.
It's really important to know your tendency because this really comes up in the exercise habit.
What works for an obliger is not going to work for a rebel, so you really want to take that into account.
Another important strategy is the strategy of accountability.
That's key for obligers.
It's really important for a lot of people.
Safeguards.
This is when you're doing if-then planning.
Like, if I travel for work, then I will do X for exercise.
Or if there's bad weather, what will I do?
Another is convenience and inconvenience.
Like, to a hilarious degree, we're very focused on whether things are convenient or inconvenient.
Another strategy is monitoring.
For a lot of people, monitoring is really, really effective as a way to keep yourself exercising.
And then also pairing, which is when you pair exercise with another behavior that you really love to do or that you really have to do.
So those two things always go together.
There's 21 strategies.
They're all useful for exercise, but those are some of the ones that I think are the most applicable to the habit of exercise.
Well, Gretchen, let's talk about some of our exercise hacks.
I think it's safe to say we are both natural couch potatoes.
We could easily not exercise the rest of our lives.
I think it's a major life accomplishment that you and I both regularly exercise.
I agree.
I agree.
And it always feels like it's on the cusp of going away.
I mean, you have to be careful and safeguard it, as you said earlier.
Constant vigilance.
Yes.
And that's a great example that just because you've done something for five years regularly does not mean that it couldn't vanish overnight.
I feel exactly the same way.
It's something to guard.
So one thing that has really worked for me in recent years, as I've discussed on the podcast is setting goals.
So last year I had my Freiman 50.
I wanted to do my Freiman Canyon hike 50 times in the year.
I ended up upping it to 100.
Yes. and accomplishing that.
And then this year, I just decided to do Orange Theory 50.
So I decided I was going to do a new kind of exercise Orange Theory class because I wanted to get more cardio 50 times.
I started late because I was sick at the beginning of the year, but I'm up to, I think, class 24.
Wow, that's amazing.
So I'm almost halfway there.
So yes.
Yes.
So you have the aim of exercising consistently, which is like the sort of endless aim.
But the goal is this year I want to do Freiman 100.
Yes.
And it makes a huge difference to me if I'm ticking it off or if I'm worried.
Well, if I skip this week, then I won't hit that number and I'll have an extra session I'll have to do.
So it really helps me with just kind of the monitoring of it.
Yeah.
Another huge thing for me is to use that time as socializing.
So a big reason I really like hiking is because I can talk to a friend while doing it.
And that really motivates me to get out of bed at 630 in the morning in the middle of the summer to beat the heat and actually show up and talk to somebody.
Right.
And I would say that's separate from the accountability of meeting somebody who's counting on you, but it makes it so much more fun for you that encourages you to keep up with it.
Absolutely.
Or to do more than the minimum.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's my favorite way to talk to friends is walking.
And then the other thing for me Gretchen, and you talk about this all the time, putting it on the schedule.
For me it's like if I sign up for a class three days in advance, then in my mind I know okay, Thursday at 510, I am going to be at Orange Theory.
Right.
And that really helps me.
And also for planning things with friends, hikes with friends.
If I go, okay, Saturday morning, I'm meeting this person that I know I'll do it.
If I'm just on my own and I wake up randomly on Saturday morning, chances of me just spontaneously getting out of bed and going to Fryman Canyon are much smaller than if it's on the schedule.
For me, some things that have been hacks in recent years is I realized that I really was not enjoying going to the gym.
And it was hard for me to give up my gym membership, even though I wasn't going, because it was part of my identity.
Like, I belong to a gym and I go to the gym.
But it was so rackety.
I realized, like, it was just such an unpleasant experience.
And that what I really wanted to do was walk in Central Park, which was beautiful.
So I've been doing that.
But Elizabeth, you've inspired me to realize I should do more cardio.
And so maybe, as part of my open door, I'm going to start going to Orange Theory like you, or doing something else, because I realize I have a lot of movement and other kinds of exercise, but I don't do cardio these days.
Okay.
Well, I think this is something we can talk a lot about on our walkabouts in England.
Okay.
You can get me fired up.
What kind of exercise you want to do.
Yes.
One of the things that was a huge revelation to me and maybe other people will identify with this, is I realized I don't like games.
And so I had this association with myself, like, I don't like exercise because I don't like games.
And I'm very physically awkward, so I was really bad at things like tennis or field hockey or basketball, whatever it was.
But I just don't even like games, period.
And so realizing I could exercise and not have it be part of a game was a huge epiphany for me way back, because I'm fine exercising, but I don't want to play a game.
We are not going to join the pickleball movement.
You have played pickleball once.
And I applaud you from the sidelines.
I will not be picking up that pickleball paddle.
And Elizabeth, I think there's some things that have worked really well for both of us.
And one of them and this goes to the like lack of a game aspect of it is you and I both do high intensity weight training.
Yes.
And we really embrace that because, first of all, it's extremely efficient use of time.
And it's a really good way to like work out your whole body at a really, really high level.
But, you know, it doesn't last that long.
And so it's sort of, for somebody who doesn't maybe enjoy the process that much, it's a really good way to get a great workout.
Yes, and also you don't sweat a lot.
So if you need to do something and then go directly to work, it's a great thing because you can just take half an hour and be done and then not have to shower.
Yeah, but it's funny because I was talking to some guy about it and he said to me very dismissively like Look, it can't be real exercise if you don't need to take a shower afterwards.
And I'm like, dude, you go do it.
And you tell me if you've had a big workout because I am not sweating, but my muscles are shaking.
I've been working so hard.
Yeah.
Sometimes, I mean, it's hard to lift a coffee cup afterwards.
Sometimes I work out so hard that I actually start almost falling asleep.
I've had that.
In the middle of it.
Because suddenly I'm just like, I must nap now.
But then it's over.
So yes.
So we're big fans of high intensity weight training.
And also getting a dog.
So research shows that people who have dogs walk far more often than people without dogs, and children who live in households with dogs are substantially more active than children in homes without dogs.
I don't know that either one of us really thought about that when we got our dogs, but it turns out that's a really good thing to do for general exercise-related health.
Yes, I know I walk a lot more now that I have Nacho and Daisy, for sure.
Okay, Gretch, coming up, we'll hear exercise hacks from listeners.
But first, this break.
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Lately, Jamie and I have been on a little flavor tour at Whole Foods Market.
Instead of making the same three dinners over and over, we wander the aisles and pick a region to visit.
It makes dinners feel less predictable.
Last week, we leaned Mediterranean.
Another time, we swung Latin-inspired.
And we always keep San Pellegrino on hand, because it instantly makes it feel like more of a fancy meal.
Yeah, I love that at Whole Foods Market, you can really see the savings.
Explore the store for yellow signs.
You'll find them, aisle after aisle, highlighting sales and everyday low-price items with the same high quality.
Get inspired to try something new.
And if you truly don't want to cook, that's me, the prepared food section saves me.
Empanadas or burritos and dinner is just handled.
Whole Foods Market makes it easy to take it easy when it's dinnertime.
Save on regional flavors at Whole Foods Market.
Tish says as a rebel, I often remind myself to stay mobile and flexible so I can keep having fun as I get older.
So again, this is the rebel tendency going into identity, going into freedom and choice, really tapping into those values as a rebel.
Jackie said, I check in with a group of women on the app Marco Polo and send a video after exercise.
Also, I use the Don't Break the Chain habit tracker.
I track 10 minute abs and yoga.
Any movement counts.
Right.
In the Happier app we have.
The Don't Break the Chain is one of the most popular tools because people love Don't Break the Chain.
Allison says I set low expectations and as I got better at running consistently, got myself cuter workout clothes.
This is interesting and I want to say, because of Better Than Before, I write about the strategy of reward.
The strategy of reward is very complex.
Complicated and often counterproductive strategy, because rewards can sometimes undermine habits, strangely.
But the reward that is good is a reward that takes you deeper into the habit.
And so what is the reward for running?
Cuter running clothes.
And so that's a good use of reward.
Kristen said, I walk my age in miles during my birthday month.
This year I'm turning 54 and will walk 54 miles.
That's such a fun idea.
That's fun.
That's fun.
Laura says, Peloton bike.
The fact that others can see if I've worked out is a motivator for this obliger.
Excellent.
Great way to tap into that accountability.
Adventure Mom says, I only watch ridiculous reality shows when I work out.
The cheesier or cringier the better.
Well, that's the pairing, Gretchen, that you were mentioning earlier.
Right.
You can watch that show only when you're working out.
Courtney says, Okay, so a few things I would say.
First of all, she's clearly a morning person.
And so I think if you're a morning person, this is great advice.
Mornings are more predictable.
If you're a night person, you might want to think about that.
Making sure that you work with a partner so that you get coverage for your exercise is great.
I think sometimes people are reluctant To say to somebody else you know, we need to set it up so that I can exercise regularly, but it really is a high priority.
And so it's worth having that conversation and working that out.
Chris said, closing my rings on my Apple Watch became my accountability partner.
I hear you, Chris.
I am looking at those rings all day long.
And Louise says, I'm a rebel and I have a complicated relationship with taking care of myself.
I began walking again with the simple thought, I want to be the person who walks four miles a day.
I actually want to be the person who walks 10 miles, but I'm also the person who knows that I first have to be the person who walks four miles a day.
So again, this is a rebel tapping into an identity.
I am the kind of person who walks every day, and so the habit follows from the identity.
Shauna said, a few years ago, while stuck in an office job, I set myself a challenge to exercise every day for a year.
My rules were simple.
It had to be something above and beyond what I would have done in the normal course of the day.
So it could be a gym class or a run, but also could be a lunchtime walk or an online yoga class.
I achieved it and it completely changed my mindset about exercise.
Now I need it.
I've changed my job to one where I can be active and on my feet all day, and hiking is my favorite way to spend a day off.
So now I climb stairs instead of taking the lift, walk everywhere I can rather than drive.
There are opportunities to move all around us if we look for them.
Well, this is a great idea.
And I would say for people who aren't exercising now, it's good to remember that it builds on itself.
And as you exercise, you do feel restless.
You do feel like you want to exercise more.
It does build on itself in that way.
Jennifer said, the best exercise is the one you'll do.
I find a mini trampoline to be quick and simple.
15 minutes first thing in the morning, just do it.
Well, you know, I didn't know that it turns out that the trampoline is really good exercise.
I'll post a link to an article that I read about it.
Alyssa, I thought of Jack because Jack loves jumping on a trampoline.
Yes.
This is something I hadn't thought about.
Lynn says, as an obliger for several years, my workout partner picked me up at 5 a.m. each morning.
I went to bed each night in clean workout clothes.
I'd roll out of bed, grab my water bottle and tie my shoes in the car.
She had young children and had to be home so her husband could get a workout before work.
And I needed an accountability partner.
Win-win.
I have heard from a surprising number of people who sleep in their workout clothes.
Yes.
My friends who rode crew in college would sleep in their workout clothes so that they would just have to put on their shoes.
Exact same thing.
There you go.
Alicia said, I became the instructor.
Now I have no choice but to be there six times a week.
When it comes to my own personal workouts, I do best when I schedule something with someone else, either in person or virtually.
I've heard from many obligers who become the instructor because that is the ultimate accountability, if no one can exercise unless you show up.
Rain says as a questioner, I need a why which I articulate to myself, as be able to put my own luggage into the overhead compartment speaks to having the health to be able to travel independently and do many other things for decades to come.
So this is good because as a questioner, it really is the why.
Why am I doing this?
And also, what's the most efficient way?
Can I customize this to myself?
But this is really tapping into the reasons that you're doing it to keep you going.
Betsy says, I listen to your podcast while I walk.
Feels like you're my companion.
My friend Mindy does this while she walks her dog.
She's always texting me.
I'm listening to your podcast.
I love that we're pairing for people.
That's great.
Yes.
Sarah said, I used a few of your tricks.
Don't break the chain was one of them.
And for several months, I stuck to 30 minutes of movement every morning.
It doesn't have to be heavy gym, swim, yoga, run, or just walk, but it happened.
Yep.
Don't break the chain works for a lot of people.
And I have a don't break the chain journal too.
If you like to have a journal, I'll post a link to that, or you can do it in the happier app, or there's a lot of ways to do.
Don't break the chain because it's so effective.
But if you like a journal, it's kind of a fun keepsake to have.
Yes, I love mine.
Caitlin said, if you engage in different kinds of workouts, create different bags with the supplies you need for each one, even if this means having multiples.
Like Liz, I also enjoy Orange Theory and have a duffel with my heart rate monitor charger, a backup water bottle and the shoes I wear for Orange Theory.
Separately, my running duffel has running shoes, socks, and so on.
Although this creates a little added expense, I find that not transferring supplies between activity bags ensures I never show up for a workout without something I need.
I also find that my supplies don't go missing when they're always in the bag for their activity.
Great idea.
Well, this is the strategy of convenience and the strategy of inconvenience, which is, if there's something you want to encourage yourself to do, make it as convenient as possible.
And so that's a great suggestion.
Connie said, I once took an exercise class where before class you wrote down three words on how you were feeling and immediately after the workout again you wrote three words to describe how you were feeling.
It became so clear to me how much exercise helped me to feel more energized, focused, and motivated.
This has helped me to stay consistent with working out, and now it is part of my weekly routine.
For this hack.
I want to give credit to Antoinette Hemphill, who started Mama Beast, a fitness and media brand.
That's a great idea because that really gets you focused on the why and also the benefits.
And so that's going to help you keep going.
Yeah.
And it really is a mood booster.
As we were talking about at the beginning of the podcast, nothing can improve my mood more than finishing an exercise class or a hike.
So many great hacks from listeners.
Something that kept coming up again and again was the idea of accountability.
It's a useful tool for anyone, but for obligers who are the largest tendency, it is essential.
Coming up, we'll take a closer look at how to actually make accountability work for you, because finding the right kind can be harder than it sounds.
But first, this break.
This came from Rose.
She said, We'll be right back.
Subsequent weeks, it's maybe one to two people.
The weird thing is that, even though people stop participating in the group, when I run into them face to face, they'll bring up the group, thank me profusely for keeping them in the group and tell me how they will for sure try to make it to the next meeting which, of course, they do not show up to.
The only exception has been the soccer pickup game I organized.
What do you make of this?
What strategies do I do to keep people coming?
So far I have tried getting people to commit early in the week because I figured all the obligers would feel compelled to come after committing.
Nope.
Yeah.
So, Gretchen, I think this is such a common occurrence.
What would you say to Rose?
OK, I so many thoughts.
So, Rose, here the clue is. for you is who comes.
The people who come are the people who come to the sports games.
So what is the difference between the sleep, the food tracking and the walking group and the sports games?
The sports games can only happen if people show up.
That creates true accountability for obligers, because they're like, if I say I'm going to come to the soccer game and I don't show, then maybe no one will be able to play.
So I have to come because nobody can play without me.
The thing about the sleep, the food tracking and the walking.
This is to benefit the obligers themselves.
So you feel like you're creating utter accountability.
But to these obligers, they're thinking, well, I'm really doing this for me.
It doesn't feel like that.
Some of them, a few of them feel like obliged to you because they said they would show up.
But for many of them, it's really an inner expectation.
So what you need to do is to communicate to these obligers not, hey, I'm here for you.
You want to communicate, I'm counting on you.
I'm expecting you.
I'm waiting for you.
We can't move forward if you don't participate.
If you don't participate, others won't participate.
You're letting them down because they won't go walking if they think that they don't have to.
So others will lose out.
And that's why the people are coming to the sports.
And so you have to move the accountability outward.
Now, one thing that you can do I don't know that it would work with this kind of group, but it works with some groups is to say, like I've heard this with CrossFit there are limited numbers.
If you say you're coming and then another person can't come because you've taken their space.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
It's the same with, Gretchen, I've just joined this Mahjong group.
These four of us are playing Mahjong.
And I'm like, I have got to be there because you need four people.
If one person doesn't show up, it's canceled.
Yes.
So it's really true that having the thing where the event can't happen without somebody is a big impetus to an obliger to show up.
Well, maybe with the walking group you literally say, if we don't have four people, no one's going walking.
Yes.
Because you might be like, well, but if even one person comes, it's worth it.
It's like, no, because what you want is to create accountability.
So you have to have kind of that consequence that's happening.
And here's another thing that I've heard from obligers is sometimes it's like there needs to be consequences for the leader.
Sometimes
Like I remember somebody saying I realized that if I didn't work on my PhD thesis it didn't matter to my advisor.
Like, it didn't matter to her career whether or not I did what I needed to do.
So if there's some way – I don't know how this would work in this context, but if you can sort of be like, this matters to me.
Like you're affecting kind of my fate or my sense of effectiveness or my certification or whatever it's doing.
So that again, that's a form of like well, I need to do this for you, even though I'm not doing it for me.
Yes.
Again, you want to create that feeling that the more you can weight it toward the outside, the more the obliger will follow through.
And, of course, these are all things that obligers do want to do for themselves.
So it's not like you're forcing them to do something kind of against their will.
You're just making it possible for them to follow through in a way that is really going to ultimately be to their benefit.
But it's always about moving the weight of expectation to the outside.
And so I think this is a perfect example, because you see exactly how this is affecting obligers differently.
Different accountability is yielding different results.
So it's like a perfect test case.
So good luck, Rose.
Good luck with your various groups.
I hope people start showing up.
Yes, I hope so.
This comes from Janice.
She says After listening to your podcast for the past two years, it finally sunk into my brain that if I was ever going to get myself to take a walk in my lovely neighborhood, situated right on the edge of an urban park, I was going to need to get a dog.
To be specific, a second dog.
I already have an eight-year-old dog who, despite much work with a trainer, is deeply phobic about leaving the house.
I love him to pieces and I realized that for my own health, I could allow myself to stop struggling over his neurotic tendencies and tend to my own strong need to take walks.
I couldn't have found a better accountability partner than my new dog, adopted from a rescue group about seven months ago.
His enthusiasm and commitment for taking a walk has no limits.
Rain, snow, or ice can't discourage him.
So an added bonus is he's helping me to stop categorizing weather as good or bad, but to simply enjoy it in all its variations.
Now, Gretchen, that is a new one.
A dog is an accountability partner.
Yes.
No, and I think this is a great before and after story, because it's like she figured out what she needs.
If she's an obliger, she needs accountability, outer accountability.
The one dog was not a good outer accountability partner.
Now she's got a dog.
And it's also interesting to know.
You know, it's not enough to say like oh, I have a strong need for walks and I even live near a park.
It's like she needed accountability, you know, an obliger needs outer accountability.
And she she got herself the outer accountability and it boosted her happiness.
And I love in this story that she also was just like giving her other dog a break.
She's like, OK, dog, you be you.
This whole lock thing isn't working out.
Let me not try to change you.
Because, of course, she was trying to change her dog the way we often try to change the people in our lives.
She's like, I'm going to love you for who you are.
And I'm going to change me and my other situation.
So it's really very funny.
I know.
I wish we could get a little report from the inside of the mind of the first dog.
It's because I'm sure he's like, oh, my gosh, thank goodness she's worked this out.
It's also funny because I've never heard of a dog before who doesn't like to take walks.
I thought all dogs liked walks.
No, because our dog, Paddywhack, growing up loves taking walks.
But no, this is a big thing in New York.
A lot of dogs are kind of like scared of an urban environment and they don't like to go out.
It's a big issue.
Barnaby, he's very happy to go out.
But so here's another thing to back up what Janice is saying about having a dog and having it boosting her walking is there is research that suggests this is true generally.
It shows that dog owners walk 22 minutes more per day than people who don't have dogs.
And it's not just like dawdling and ambling around.
They're usually walking at moderate intensity, which is the point at which it really does have very good health benefits.
This is really good.
I will post a link to that research if anybody wants to look at it.
Wow, I love that.
Good for Janice.
And I love that.
The other thing, too is like sometimes with accountability partners they'll let you off the hook.
They'll be like, oh, you've had such a hard day, or yeah, you're right, it's raining.
A dog doesn't have excuses to give.
Like, they don't let you out of it.
They won't let you off the hook.
And so a dog just wants to be walked.
It's a great accountability.
And they're not going to stop bugging you until you walk.
Okay.
So I hope hearing about the many ways to cultivate an exercise habit made you feel happier.
I know it did for me.
The resource for this episode.
If you are looking for more strategies, tips and ideas for making exercise stick or for building or breaking any habit, I recently published an article on how to change habits based on your four tendencies type.
You can find that along with many other habit resources at happiercast.com slash habits.
Thank you for listening.
Remember, the best time to start a happiness project was 20 years ago.
The second best time is now.
Hi, Gretchen, Craig Robinson, and my little sister Michelle here.
We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.
We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you.
You know, Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes.
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you.
Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective.
So consider questions like this.
What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me?
Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me?
If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose?
And here's a question.
Would I like to have more time in solitude restorative solitude or would I like to have more time with friends?
You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier.
With greater self-knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values.
In my own case, I have found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition.
For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson wherever you get podcasts.
You can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents, and so many more.
