Morbid Soup Dissects Jennifer's Body | Morbid

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Hey weirdos, I'm Ash. I'm Caleb. I'm Elena.

And I'm Bree. And this is Morbid Soup. Woo!

Woo! Oh, my God, this intro is going to be lit.

Hey, weirdos. I'm Elena. I'm Ash. And this is...

Well, you know, back in my fucking day. I did not know you were going to put that in the end and I'm cry laughing.

That was amazing. Wow, that was everything right in this world.

Well, hello everybody. I'm Caleb from Horror Soup.

I have Bree here. Yeah, I am from Horror Soup as well.

We have better people here. We have a select two of people. that are way better than us oh my god no wrong not even incorrect you pressed an incorrect key delete backspace so guys do you want to say where you're from I don't think anyone knows who you are We happen to be morbid.

We're morbid as fuck and we're from Morbid, a true crime podcast.

Exactly. Hey. Morbid HQ. That's Elena and I hear a mash.

I hear a mash. We're both from Morbid. We're both of the Morbid.

Persuasion. Yes, persuasion. I almost said gender.

We're both of the morbid gender. I guess this is going to be like a strange episode for all of your fans because I guess like you guys have done movies on Patreon, but... We have.

Yeah, that's true. Well, we released the Ted Bundy one for everybody, I think, right?

Oh, yeah. We did a review of Ted Bundy. I was going to ask, have you guys ever done a movie on your main series?

But Caleb just answered that question for me.

So fine. There you have it. So there you have it, folks.

We're discussing a very, very interesting movie from all of our childhoods.

Elena didn't see it in theaters, though.

I didn't. Lame. Like, fuck me, right? But it's also very concerning that we did see it in theaters because I was fucking 12 years old when this movie came out.

I was 11. I snuck my ass into that theater like the bad little bitch I was.

Wait a second. So was I like 20 fucking too?

You're 10 years old? Yeah, you were. You were 22.

Whoa. This just brought me right down to reality real fast.

Wow, you were a whole ass mom, basically.

Oh, man. Oh, God. So fucking Jennifer's body, this actually holds very near and dear to my heart. dude okay i was so worried that i was gonna like because i remember fucking loving this movie and i even watched it a few times like after i got the dvd and i was so worried because it's been fucking years since I've seen it I was like I was so fucking worried that I wasn't gonna fucking like it anymore but I still love this fucking movie That's exactly how I felt.

I was so nervous I was going to watch this again and be like, what is happening?

It stood the test of time, I do have to say.

There's like one scene where I'm like, eh.

But other than that, I'm like, nah, this is fucking gold.

It's still great, yeah. I think it's even better than the first time I watched it, honestly.

I watched it like 15 times when I was like 11. yes 100 we used to like watch it at sleepovers yeah oh my god this movie's so badass It's definitely a sleepover movie.

This is a girls' night movie, honestly. It is.

Oh, for sure. Oh, it definitely is. Yeah, Caleb was there my first girls' day that I ever threw.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh my God, I love that.

It's an honorary girl. I love it. Caleb's my bottom bitch.

Welcome to the girl's room. So, Jennifer's Body came out in 2009.

It is fucking peak 2009. And me and Elena both wrote down the same thing.

This movie... This is probably known by like everyone but us, but Jennifer's body was written and produced by fucking Diablo Cody. crazy when Elena told me that I said who's that she sure did oh my god thank you so much me and Brie have realized that we're the same and Elena and Caleb are the same 100%, dude.

It's like looking in a fucking mirror. Yeah, he said that, and I was like, dude, a lot of Juno's cast is in this movie, but I didn't think anything of it.

And he was like, Diablo Cody. And I was like, who?

And he was like, Juno. No, no, no, no, no.

That's not what you said. Hold on. Bree said, oh, I thought a girl wrote this.

And I was like, yeah, yes, she did. Amazing.

When you hear Diablo, it has the O ending.

It's true. I can see that. People with Os are males?

If you're speaking Spanish, if it's ending with an O, then it's a dude, right?

That's true. I am not a professional. This is quick math.

Oh. also she fucking wrote this the same year she was writing Juno so she was writing these like hand in hand and you can see that in the movie because it's like It's Horror Juno.

Oh, yeah, you can definitely hear it. Like, it's incredible.

She used a bunch of people from the movie, too.

Like, she used Ellen Page. Oh, wait, no, I'm reading the wrong thing.

For a second I was like, where was Ellen Page?

How did I miss that whole last scene? I was just so excited.

You're like, she was Jennifer. We're like, wait, what?

Ellen Page and Megan Fox are the same people.

They are interchangeable. Thank you. This is like when you thought that Julia Roberts was Sandra Bullock.

Oh, my God. They're the same person. They are the same person.

I will not argue this any longer. Sandra Bullock and Julia fucking Roberts are the same people.

And Patrick Wilson and... David... No, no, no.

What's his name? I think it might not... Fuck.

I forgot his name. They have names. Arrested Development and The Conjuring.

Will Arnett and Patrick Wilson. Will Arnett and Patrick Wilson.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I agree with that one. You lost me.

I definitely agree with that one. I'm gone with the wind.

They have the same forehead, the same stubble, like the same noses.

Except Arnett has a butt nose. He sure does.

That he does. Hold on to your butts. Hold on to your butts.

Because Will Arnett's nose is coming. I'm dead.

It's coming in hot, just like Tom Cruise's middle tooth.

Remember when we informed Megan Freels Johnson of Tom Cruise's middle tooth and she was astounded, dude?

You also informed Ash of that. Really? Yeah, she had no idea.

Why don't I remember that? Did that happen recently?

Fuck. I don't even remember this. What is this?

I probably like was like scrolling and then like read it through something.

It just like came about. I have a great memory, everyone.

I love showing the world Tom Cruise's middle tooth.

It's information that needs to be absorbed.

You're spreading the good word. So fucking Diablo wrote Young Adults in 2011.

It had fucking like Patrick Wilson, Charlize Theron.

Don't ever say it like that again. One time a drunk guy at a bar told me I looked like her and I was like, wrong.

No, buddy, wrongo. Well, OK, so Charlize Theron is very pretty. like on her own but when she played eileen warnos in that fucking movie she looks bad Well, you can't look good as Eileen Wuornos.

She looked exactly like Eileen Wuornos. She committed.

They did a great job. She did amazing in that fucking movie, honestly.

She's a great actress. She had the walk.

She had that snarl. She had it all. I want to watch that movie now.

Yeah. Oh, I love that movie. Have you guys seen Children's Hospital?

No. No. It was on Adult Swim. Oh, I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, she fucking, she wrote a couple episodes of that too.

Yeah, it's fucking insane. Children's Hospital has a bunch of big names in it, like fucking Rod Cordery.

He was in Warm Bodies, 2013, Hot Tub Time Machine.

Bunch of other bullshit playing a bald man.

Michael Cera, fucking Henry Winkler, aka the Fonz.

The Fonz. Fucking Nick Offerman. Nick Offerman.

Say Michael Cera for me one more time. My soul Sarah.

I hate the way you pronounce some type of names, dude.

Jesus Christ. Sarah. You said Michael Sierra.

Michael Sarah? Michael Saru? I'm going home.

We're on the same page. I am leaving. It's like Napperville and Naperville.

Oh, God. It's Naperville, guys, just so you know.

Naperville, Illinois. We're so sorry. Something Illinois.

I lagged out right there, so I'll see if I can distinguish that later.

We got some lag. Lag. And we got fucking Karen Kusama directing the movie.

She first directed Girl Fight from 2000.

Have you guys ever seen that? I've never seen Girl Fight.

It sounds familiar. I feel like I may have.

I feel like I've seen that. I've never seen it.

I don't recognize anyone except for Ray Santiago.

He plays Pablo in Ash vs. Evil Dead. Oh, okay.

He's like the skinny weird guy with poofy hair.

Yeah, very poofy hair. You know that guy.

She also did Ion Flux in 2005, starring also Charlize Theronius.

And she directed this gem. The only movie she's directed that I know of since is The Invitation from 2015.

Oh my God, that movie was actually pretty good.

That's so funny. I want to, I've been saying I want to watch that movie.

I've never seen that movie. We were just talking about that yesterday.

I've heard good things. I have two. I think it's still on Netflix.

I'm pretty sure it's still on Netflix and like the entire time throughout the movie, I think it, I don't know, but Tom Hardy has an exact lookalike.

His name's like Luke or something like that but the entire movie I was like oh fuck Tom Hardy's in a fucking horror film And come to find out it's not fucking Tom Hardy and he just looks exactly like him.

And I was like, holy fuck. But like the ending, like that movie is pretty fucking good.

It's really good. I watched it like three years ago, maybe.

Yeah, because I just listened to a podcast about it on Nightmare on Film Street, actually.

Shout out. Shout out to Nightmare on Film Street.

We love some good shout out. That's a great name.

You guys would love them. They're a good podcast.

I actually haven't listened to them, but I'll have to check it out.

You would dig them. Because they compared the invitation to Get Out and then it made me need to watch Get Out.

So I watched Get Out and now I need to watch the invitation.

I just watched Get Out very recently. I was off of it and I finally watched it and I was like, holy shit.

Are we talking about two separate movies?

So good. Is The Invitation a prequel to Get Out?

No. They were just comparing the two. Oh, okay.

That's what I thought was going on. I was like, wait a minute, is that a prequel?

I was like, I don't think Jordan Peele made that.

Yeah, he definitely did not. Like, I think you're wrong a lot.

That was the wrong button. That was a fart.

I thought it was. Fart. Wrong. Same deal.

I'm going to read a little synopsis for the movie.

Do it. I'd fucked up. Sexy tempstress Megan Fox is hotter than hell as Jennifer, a gorgeous, seductive cheerleader who takes evil to a whole new level after she's possessed by a sinister demon.

Steamy action and gore galore ensue as the male student body succumbs to Jennifer's insatiable appetite for human flesh.

Now, it's up to her best friend, played by Amanda Seyfried, to stop Jennifer's reign of terror before it's too late.

We were just doing interpretive dance to that.

Did you see that? I saw part of that and I loved every minute of it.

Every second. It was very Tina-esque and I enjoyed it.

I am Tina. So, do you guys have anything to say about this movie before we just get into it?

What do you want to do? How do you want to do this?

You need to read the fucking thing that you found.

So now that you've said the synopsis, it made me think of how they marketed this movie like shit.

It was bullshit. Oh my God, I have something about that too.

Oh my God, I wonder if you have the same thing that I have.

Jennifer, steal your boyfriend. I think I know what you're getting to.

Is it the email? It's the porn thing. Yes, it stems off of that.

Okay, so it is the same thing. I am so lost.

I love this. Okay. So they wanted, cause you might know more details about this, but they wanted Megan Fox to like advertise this on an amateur porn site.

That's exactly what it was. And the fucking director was appalled by it.

And she didn't even want to tell Megan Fox.

Megan Fox didn't even know about it until after the movie came out.

Yep. She don't want to tell her. Yeah. The fucking, what is it called?

The executives were like, yeah, we got to advertise it like this.

It'll bring a lot of people in. And she was like, yeah, no, it's not happening.

Because she was like, I made this movie for girls.

Like, I didn't make this for horny teenage boys.

But they were trying to market it to horny teenage boys. it's so fucked up or fucking not Jennifer Megan Fox has been fucked over in Hollywood very often you can read a lot of articles online about it like it's fucked up yeah it's so frustrating because like she is a very attractive woman but like when you think about it like as an actress like how mad would you be if you were constantly like pushed to like show your tits or show your body or whatever.

Exactly. That's not all I am. Leave me the fuck alone.

Yeah. Leave me alone. I'm going to come on this movie and I am going to fucking act my ass off.

Wow. be a great actress never well and apparently they they talked i think it was the director or diablo got an email from one of the ad people And they were like, because they were talking through email being like, yeah, you're marketing this wrong.

This is not what this is supposed to be.

And they responded to them. No shit. Direct quote.

Jennifer sexy. She steal your boyfriend.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They were like, it wasn't even grammatically correct.

Jennifer Sexy, she's steal your boyfriend.

She's steal your man. She's steal your man.

She's Mr. Steal Your Girl. She's Mr. Steal Your Girl.

That's all they send back in the email. I was like, what the fuck?

Direct quote. Direct quote. That's so terrible.

Yeah, that blew my brain apart. I'm still laughing at that.

That's so gross. It really is. They're like, I don't see what the issue is here.

Jennifer Sexy, she's still your boyfriend.

That's all there is to it. That's just general knowledge.

Let me market how I market. So actually, I almost forgot.

I wrote down pretty much every odd 2019 phrase or word that I heard.

You mean 2009? 2009, yeah, sorry, sorry, 2009.

I think I'm just gonna read these off one by one, because this is what we're gonna hear throughout the entire movie.

So we have salty meaning hot, we have salty morsels meaning also hot, we have front butt, we have I can see your womb. soy sauce, jello, lime green jello, sea cucumber, fagos, gomer, Smart bumps, ghetto blaster, dill hole, I don't tell whoppers, shutties, which means shut up,

A zombie mannequin robot statue, freak-tarded snack pack, tragedy boner, you give me such a weddy, lasagna with teeth, no one wants to see your kiki, Show me your breaststroke, player hater, harsh digs, and god, that's butch.

My god, that was beautiful. My main takeaway from that is what was she talking about with the whoppers?

I don't tell whoppers. Isn't that like lies?

Like I don't tell lies. Yeah, right? Yeah, it was I don't tell lies because Chip was saying that she was lying to him.

Okay. She was like, I don't tell whoppers.

I'm here to state that whoppers are no joke or no lie.

What about beyond whoppers? I don't know.

Faux Faux Faux is not a lie either. Faux Faux Faux.

Invest in Wendy's, guys. And Ashen, my personal favorite, was where's it at?

Monistat. That's how I'm greeting everyone I know from this point forward.

And that's the one I forgot to write down, and I'm glad that you remembered it.

Because right when you said it, I was like, yes, that's the one I fucking went over.

That is it. What does she say after that?

Because I know she's like, where's it at, monostat?

And she's just like, something vagisil. Oh, you're right.

Like one calls them monistat and then the other person, I don't know who it is who calls them monistat, but somebody else calls them Vagisil.

And I think that is so fucking hilarious.

That's amazing. Oh, my God, you're right, and I can't remember the exact quote.

Well, can't remember either. Maybe Caleb will get to it, but we'll see.

I did not write that down. The monostat thing.

So it must be like Amanda Seyfried's character that says something about Vagisil.

I'm going to look it up. Yeah. IMBD that shit.

IMDB it. Vagisil. IMDB is the fucking goat.

It really is. So as for the actors and actresses in this, Megan Fox is one of the stars of the show.

I don't think anyone really needs an introduction to Megan Fox, especially after we just talked about her for like 10 minutes.

But Transformers brought her to pretty much the top of the game back in 2007.

But since Jennifer's body and Transformers, she has done Jonah Hex, which was terrible.

This is 40, the dictator, as herself, and some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shit, which Brie will recognize because her daughter's obsessed.

And it looks like she's working on something called Think Like a Dog, so...

Oh, boy. Yeah. Oh, Megan. They did her dirty.

Megan. Does anyone remember her in The Dictator?

I do. I never saw The Dictator. I don't think I saw that.

She was just like, yeah, I'm Megan Fox. Yeah, literally.

That's amazing. I love that for her. She's like, hey, what's up?

I'm here and I'm myself. She literally is.

I forgot about that. That's awesome. I forgot about it until I looked it up and I was like, oh, wait, I remember this.

Wait a second. And you don't remember it because she's literally just, hey, I'm here.

I'm Megan Fox. What's up? Oh, that's awesome.

Anyway, we already know about Megan Fox.

Let's talk about some stuff I'm sure not everyone knows about her.

She has two goats. She was dropped from the Transformer movies after comparing Michael Bay to Hitler.

He seemed to still want her back, but Spielberg wasn't having it and had her fired.

She was almost cast as Carrie for the 2013 remake that Chloe Grace Moretz starred in, and she was banned from Walmart at age 15 for stealing makeup.

Wow, Megan. Wow. Honestly, same. I stole so much makeup from Walmart.

Allegedly. Come and get me. I don't give a fuck.

Come and get me. Me and Megan have that in common.

Me and Megan are now the same person. I respect her more for that.

She sounds amazing after you read all that.

I like the goats. She is a goat. She has goats.

Amanda fucking Seyfried. Karen from Mean Girls.

I'm here to fucking say it. Yes. yes i will i will never see her as anything more than that i'm sorry amanda i wrote i think all of us in the horror community know her for one thing Mean girls.

Yes, absolutely. If you're from Africa, why are you white?

My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.

Well, they can tell when it's raining. Hi, I'm Carrie and it's 46 degrees and there's a 56% chance that it's already raining.

Mean Girls is such a fucking banger. I have no other word to describe it. that fucking movie it is my favorite movie of all time i love that fucking movie you want to know something really pussy of me oh dear john is your favorite movie No, and you know, I have a note about that.

I will get to that. Oh my God. She's in that too.

On October 3rd, I cried because I didn't have a copy of Mean Girls.

On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.

It's October 3rd. That's amazing. So she was also an alpha dog, which, by the way, incredible.

Incredible depiction of the true story of Jesse James Hollywood and the murder of Nicholas fucking Markowitz.

Wow, that's a good one, too. It is such a good movie.

It's honestly one of my favorites. I've never seen that movie.

Me either. We're the same. I saw that in theaters.

Did you? I did. I would have loved to see that in theaters.

That sounds like such a good time. That was.

That was a good one. I think I saw it with John, actually.

Love. You probably cried. I probably did.

Alina doesn't cry. It's true, I don't. She doesn't have tear ducts.

I've seen Elena cry three times in my whole ass life. and it scares her every single time I'm like don't do that put those fucking liquidy shit back in your eyes it's not tears I don't know what it is get away from me liquidy shit I don't have tear ducts.

I don't know what comes out of there. Finally, let's just forget about Dear John.

Just know that I'm looking at the same moon.

Oh, I did not see that movie. I saw Dear John.

I saw that shit. And I don't remember anything.

That's all I remember. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

She puts her thumb up to the moon and she says to John, just know that we're looking at the same moon.

Wow. Wasn't John in whatever, Dear John, Channing Tatum? yes oh yeah oh my god he looks like a chihuahua called the fuck out Channing Tatum where you at Channing Tatum, come and fucking fight me.

Fight me. Oh, shit. And we have Johnny Simmons who plays Chip Dove, known for playing Brad in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Young Neil, and Scott Pilgrim vs. the Wallflower. world he made an appearance in 21 Jump Street as Billiam Willingham that's a bad name That's not real.

And he was in the fucking Stanford Prison Experiment from 2015.

Oh, shit. Well, shitty. Oh, I didn't watch that.

That's crazy. fucking crazy movie well documentary pretty much a little it's like a it's like an acted out documentary yeah okay because that real documentary is fucked I think we watched part of that in my psych class.

You did. Because we took the same psych class just like 10 years apart.

Yep. I love these stories no we deadass went to the same college We have Adam Brody as the cool guy band leader, Nikolai.

He is most known for the television show The O.C.

He was in Mr. and Mrs. Smith starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as Benjamin Diaz.

He was in The Ring 2002, and in episode of Smallville, screamed for as a deputy, but most important, Daniel was in last year's horror movie, Ready or Not.

Well, shit. Or, I mean, Adam Brody. He's Daniel.

Yeah, he's fucking Daniel. Oh shit. I was like, no wonder he looks so fucking familiar.

I know. I was wondering where the fuck I saw him in and then I was like doing the research for Jennifer's body and I was like, what the fuck? dude is a fucking straight up snack like he is like really attractive i loved him in the oc I've never seen the OC.

I've never seen it either. I was an OC head.

You used to go to like watch parties for the OC.

I did. Me and my friends had watch parties for that shit.

I love it. What does the OC even stand for?

Orange County. It is Orange County. I was going to say that ironically.

That's like 30 minutes away from home. I know, I was going to say it ironically and I was like, it's not that Orange County.

It totally is. I was sitting over here in chilly old Boston just being like, yeah.

Teenage drums. And we have another few big names in this that I completely forgot were in here.

We have Chris Pratt who plays fucking...

Officer Roman Duda. J.K. Simmons as Mr. Robileski.

His name is even weirder. Bill Faggerbake?

That can't be right. That is not real. It's like Foggerbake.

Bill Foggerbake. Foggerbake. I love all of these.

Marshall Erickson's dad from How I Met Your Mother.

Oh, shit. And he sounds like him, too, and I feel like he's the same character, just yelling about balls.

I just can't believe that that's his real last name.

Well, let's just move on from that. I love it.

It's not real. There's no way it's real.

It's not real. Someone's lying to me. Somebody call up Mythbusters.

Someone's Ron Burgundy-ing me right now.

I don't think I wrote these notes. And Diablo Cody even makes an appearance as Melody Lane drinking woman.

Oh, my God. I saw her there and I was like, I think that's Diablo Cody.

You didn't say that to me. I did not. It's a quick little shot.

She's just like, hey. Hey, I wrote this.

What up? What up? I'm drunk now. I'm drunk, babe.

Chris Pratt blew my brain apart. We literally looked at each other and we were like, what the fuck could that be? oh my god thank you so much like I heard him talk and I was like wait a fucking minute it's like Chris Pratt and then he took his like glasses off and I was like yeah what the fuck i was so shook dude i was like what i was like you are only allowed to be in fucking jurassic park the remake and parks and rec go home And Guardians of the Galaxy.

Yeah, and I didn't watch that, though, so he can't be in that either.

Oh, man. So it doesn't exist. It is a good movie.

All right. He can be there for you guys.

Honestly, Parks and Rec's Chris Pratt. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that is fucking top tier. Andy Dwyer for life.

Oh, yeah. Did you guys know that the title song is Jennifer's Body by Hole?

No. I did. Courtney fucking love. Well, anytime I see Hole on the radio, I fucking turn the shit out of it.

Because Courtney love can go elsewhere. No, she sucks, but Hole has a couple good songs, but there's no way in hell that I listen to them daily.

No. She can take a turn left. She can take a wrong turn.

Another great horror flick. Full circle.

I hate the wrong turn. I love it because of its ridiculousness.

Okay, I'll give it that. I'll give it that.

It has some of that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

There's like five sequels. There certainly is.

There's way too many. It's just, it's not necessary.

And also Blake Lively turned down the role of Jennifer due to scheduling conflicts with Gossip Girl.

Lance was considered for the role of Nikolai and Emma Stone was considered for the role of Needy.

Oh my God. All of that would have worked.

Wait, who's Nikolai again? Can you imagine how different that would be?

That's Adam Brody. Adam Brody. The band guy with the eyeliner.

Oh, okay, okay. Imagine. Low shoulder dude.

Damn. Dude, yeah. I could see Emma Stone as needy.

Can you imagine Pete Wentz acting? No. He'd be perfect, though.

Exactly. I would have laughed and laughed and laughed as he sang and fucking killed Jennifer.

That's fucked up. That's like the only movie I can think of that he was like in.

And I don't even know if it was him. I just know it was Fall Out Boy in a sex drive. oh shit Fall Boy was straight up in sex drive oh my god you're right yeah yeah wow so I think he just played himself but like Pete Wentz actually acting I don't think that would have went well but I probably still would have taken it wow you're bringing me back I forgot about sex drive sex drive is hilarious maybe that's why there's a fallout boy poster in the opening scene Whoa.

Yeah. There's a few good posters in this, too.

Yeah, there is. The budget was six million.

Damn. Oh, wait. No. No, I think I wrote that down wrong.

I was like, that's a lot of money for this movie.

I think it was more, actually. What? I don't know what money is.

I can see that. Because they CGI'd her mouth when it was opening and all that shit.

Because they made six million the opening weekend.

And I think I accidentally wrote the same thing twice.

But it pulled around 31.6 million at the box office overall.

So it wasn't doing too well at first, but it fucking. and it came back.

It made it come up. Interesting. Okay, yeah, the budget was $16 million.

Yeah, I knew I wrote that wrong. I forgot the one.

Oh, okay. Damn. Imagine seeing that amount of money in your life.

I know right like hey I'm just gonna make a movie about a moody teenage girl who turns into a succubus 16 million So when we start with the movie, we see Needy in a hospital gown and a mental hospital with letters and trash spewing all about and she's like, I get more letters than Dr. Phil and Oprah or like some shit like that.

Big flex. Yeah, that is a big fucking flex.

She deserves it. She earned it. She does.

She's a fucking queen. She really is. She's all talking and she's like, I'm kind of the shit.

And then she says some people pray for her, some people shit on her, and then we see people playing sports outside and she's like, they say it's to keep anger down.

And then she punches a volleyball pole in anger.

It's a tetherball. For some weird reason.

Volleyballs have poles. Volleyball... Same thing.

God, I'm just gonna stop. Never mind. And at this point, some doctor comes up to her and asks her about the toastums she's eating.

And she's like, yeah, they aren't very nutritional.

And Needy fucking punches her across the mess hall and spits on her.

She kicks her. She's known as the kicker because she's known as the kicker.

Yeah. It's like written on her paper, like stamped in big fucking red letters on her paper.

The kicker. So she just fucking kicks this lady straight in the fucking mouth across the room.

Like roundhouse kicks her. Like a fucking boss.

And she spits out a tooth and it freaked me out.

Also, toastums are Pop-Tarts. Yes. Sponsor us.

Yeah, because I saw her walking out with her little tray sponsored by Pop-Tarts at me.

That would be the best ad. Dude, if I could promote Pop-Tarts all the fucking time, I'm so... Are you kidding me?

I love Pop-Tarts. So she's like, I wasn't always like this, but after the killings began, I started to feel loose around the edges.

And then we're introduced to Devil's Kettle, and Devil's Kettle Falls is in Minnesota, and Needy tells us about a waterfall with a possible endless vortex.

She says, like, scientists have tried to experiment and drop junk in it, but nothing ever comes out.

And side note, Devil's Kettle is a real place, and the Vortex is fucking real.

No fucking way. Yeah, it's fucking real.

There's a few articles in the last few years that say that they found out that there actually is an end to it and it just goes back into the stream somewhere else.

And I guess they toss ping pong balls and stuff in it over the years, so it's kind of real, like the orange thing.

But they were like, okay, they never appeared on the other side.

And the science bitches seem to think that it's because they get crushed.

So apparently Devil's Kettle is real and has a crushing vortex water hole.

Amazing. This is where all of our beer pong balls go.

Yeah, probably. Into Devil's Kettle. That's where all the missing socks go.

I know, right? Oh my God, dude. How relatable.

All the washing machine pipes go directly to Devil's Kettle.

They do. straight into that vortex. Someone's going to email us and be like, washing machines don't have pipes.

Don't you know? They're going to email both of us specifically at the same time.

100%. CC one of us. And we moved to a fucking house with fucking Megan Fox.

Jennifer. My tablet just, god damn it. I hate my life.

Oh my god. And then he smelt his white cloth.

It's a mess. It's facts. This is not going well.

Back in my day. This is a nightmare. I hate this.

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I'm dead. I cannot believe what just happened.

I am alive because of this. That's so funny.

This is going worse than I could ever imagine.

The sound effects are the best. I'm like crying.

Well, I guess they're working, so I guess that means nothing's broken.

Back in my fucking day. Love it. That was awesome.

Okay, well, they're all working still, so I guess that's a good sign.

That's great. I hate my life right now. Dude. you gotta watch your elbows dude this fucking tablet every time I press something it keeps fucking me up you're throwing bows over there oh my god These cup holders were a terrible decision.

No, they were a good decision for me, for you.

It just all ends up bad. You guys now see how we record.

I love it. I'm here for it. I'm living. It's a travesty every fucking time.

All right, so we move over to a house with Megan Fox inside of it, picking at some weird hole in her arm while she's watching a workout commercial, and the curb...

Because the commercial is butt squeeze. Yeah, it is.

Same. It's just... Same. Yeah, that's what it is.

And creepy-ass Needy is just standing at the window staring at her, but she's like, Jennifer didn't always look this rough.

And Needy brings us back a little bit and we see Jennifer cheerleading in her Mega Babe DK cheerleader outfit.

And Needy gets called a lesbian by Soo Chin from Juno.

Yes! Amazing. No, she says lesbigay. She says you guys are totally lesbigays.

Lesbigays. She does. She says that. I love it.

The babies have fingernails, girl. Yeah.

They have fingernails. All babies want to be born.

All babies want to be born. And then Jennifer tells Needy that they need to go to a bar that night to see some band called Low Shoulders. and she says the band is super salty and there will be other salty morsels around for Needy.

You know what's funny is like salty means mad these days.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was saying earlier.

Like salty has a totally different meaning now.

And I feel like they were trying to make like like that's so fetch happen like you know what i'm talking about like she was like that's never it's never gonna be like i feel like that's what they were trying to do But fetch was a thing.

By the way, it's not low shoulders. It's low shoulder.

Because it's from the road sign. It's just one.

It's singular. Yeah. Yes, it's on the road sign in the very fucking beginning.

And at the end. Spoiler alert. Or at the end.

I think it's the end. Oh, is it the end?

I think it's both. Oh, it might be both.

I'm not sure. Probably both. I go both ways.

So Needy's fucking getting dressed and she has the tiniest bit of stomach out and her douche nozzle boyfriend Chip says things like, I can see your front butt and I can see your womb.

In my notes, I put, do you remember when wearing tank tops over whole ass shirts was a thing?

Oh my God, me and Brie were talking about that.

I used to do the shit out of that. And you know what?

How come Megan Fox is the only person that can pull that off?

Cause she's hot. Yeah. She's also the only person that can like continue to wear her winter jacket at a party.

100%. Normally I put mine in the oven. Oh, that's.

You put it in the oven? Yeah. Like if I go to a party or something, well, when I used to go to parties, we would put them in the oven.

All right. So that you don't lose your jacket.

I just learned something about you. Yeah.

Wait, that's a thing? That's a Massachusetts thing because... I don't know if it's a Massachusetts thing or it's just an Ashes friend group thing.

It's just an ad thing. It's fucking brilliant.

It's not the same, but I had a friend that got really drunk one night and took a shit and his friend's...

Washing machine. That's very different. I've peed in people's sinks before.

That's so mean. It's a little different.

It's a little similar. I've definitely peed in people's sinks.

I won't say names. Caleb knows who I'm talking about.

Wait. And he fucking deserved it. I do know who and he did deserve it.

I will piss in his sink any day. I bet he did deserve it.

Oh, he totally did. He did. 100%. He sucks ass.

I would piss in his sink, honestly. I would too.

I would as well. Piss on his pillow. Let's all go piss in his sink together.

As a fam. Just like quadruple spider pee into a sink.

Yes. I did. The soundboard thing. Oh man.

So right now, Needy doesn't know who Phil Collins is, and Chip seems to think that Phil Collins is the drummer and singer from Genesis, but I seem to think he's Philadelphia Collins from Trailer Park Boys.

So we are not the same. I don't know. I'm not on the same level as Chip right now.

No one is on the same level as Chip. Nobody.

But Jennifer and Needy are biffs, and that's important.

That is important. They're biffs. Hey, we're all biffs.

We are. Oh, my God. Let's go to Claire's. get matching necklaces.

I'm down. I'm down. matching biffs. And Jennifer shows up with the keys to a 2003 Chrysler to take Needy to the bingo bar filled with mustache men. but Jen calls him Jello, and he's Lime Green Jello, and he can't even admit it to himself.

I love that. Who the fuck likes Lime Green Jello?

Lime Green Jello is the best Jello. What?

I don't like any type of jello, to be honest.

Oh, man. Well, you can live that life if you want.

We're just learning all kinds of things about each other.

I can and I will. Jell-O has grinded up animal bones in it.

Sure does. Good protein. Not to say that I... I mean, I do eat animals, but at the same time, just the fact of that grosses me out.

That and the flavor is like weird. I don't know.

Lime green is the best. No, blue. No. Thank you.

Yes. No. Yes. Lime green. Blue. No. lime green yeah i think you know what i think i've tried one type of jello that i liked and it was like the jolly rancher watermelon one yes i think i really liked that one That one was pretty good.

I can get down for watermelon. I love watermelon flavored everything.

We're now at Melody Lane Bar that's strapped with a jukebox and a sticker toilet, and Jennifer isn't interested in Craig, but she wonders if Ahmet from India is circumcised because she always wanted to try CQ.

Woof. That stressed me out when she described it like that.

I was like, you could say so many less horrible things.

Yeah. And then, of course, like fucking our friend Chris Pratt, a.k.a.

Douchebag Camo Head, shows up and pulls Jennifer's cigarette out of her mouth.

And he's like, that stuff's going to kill you.

But then Jennifer sees Adam Brody strapped with eyeliner and Camelback calls them fagos with guyliner and Jennifer calls him a gomer and he walks off.

It's an intense scene. I don't know how to, like... Process all that.

Translate any of what just happened, but...

It happened and it's in this movie. It's a lot to unpack.

I lost my shit when we saw Chris Pratt. It's true.

That was my main takeaway from that scene.

Chris Pratt and Guy Liner. Yeah. And Jen suggests that they need two groupies and grabs Needy's boobs and says, these are like smart bumps.

You point them in the right direction and shit gets real.

That actually made me die. It's true. Yeah, it's fucking true.

I was really trying not to add little weird dialogue things so that this wouldn't be extremely long, but I couldn't not write this shit down.

No, there's too many good lines. No, yeah, no, you have to.

There's just so fucking many. Way too many.

And at this point, we're introduced to Nikolai, the lead singer of Low Shoulder, and Jennifer says...

I've heard of you. You play instruments really super good.

And Nikolai's like, yeah, we're professionals.

Obviously. It's the most cringeworthy scene of ever.

It really is. It's very bad. It's so bad.

And Jennifer, it gets even worse though because Jennifer offers to buy him a 9-11 tribute shooter. but they have to drink it really fast because otherwise it turns brown.

There was something so awful about all of that.

Everything in that is so politically incorrect.

It went from cringe to like, you can't say that.

To like, I need to get up and leave. There were so many parts in this movie where I was like, no, no, that's not allowed anymore.

No, no, no. We were all horrible people in 2009.

And you know what? That's exactly how 2009 was.

That's how everyone acted and everyone spoke.

So it was... It was factual for the time, but now it does not fly.

2009 was shit-tastic. It's so jarring to see now.

It was great and bad at the same time. 2009 was when I met Caleb, you guys.

No way. Oh, it was. We deciphered that, huh?

Yep. That was when you started dating. What a fucking year.

I was going through my little emo phase.

And yeah, I met Caleb. And also my best friend Allie, I met her that year as well.

And I bought her a tutu. You bought me a tutu at Claire's.

Oh my god, why didn't you get our futuristic Biff necklaces while you were there?

You forgot. Needy fucking overhears Nikolai saying that Jennifer is definitely a virgin.

She walks up to Gafram. She's like, okay, uh...

You're an asshole, but not before the bassist goes, hey, man, I'm not just a bassist.

I'm a person with feelings. I deserve some respect around here.

And Nikolai's like, hey, man, I didn't know you had feelings.

That poor bassist. He looked like he was 47.

He did. He was having a moment. Oh, he looked bad.

He does not look great. This guy should not.

I feel like, okay, so like Amanda. Seyfried and Megan Fox were probably like around the same age at this time and they did really well at making them look like oh they really did like high school I thought that too They did really well on that.

Like, I don't know if it was just the actresses, but like, yeah, they nailed it.

Yeah, I believed in that case. So at that point, Needy pretty much just tells her like, yeah, or tells fucking Adam Brody like, yeah, yeah, she is a virgin.

And then Jennifer walks out with two shots on a tray and one isn't full. the way full and she's like oh tower one isn't full enough and she's like genuinely upset about The way she says it is amazing.

I feel, I literally felt her disappointment. the worst she was like oh tower one isn't full enough and she kind of like stomped her foot a little bit She's like, how am I going to impress this guy wearing a guy liner of Tower One's not full enough?

I've been in that kind of room before. Haven't we all?

Oh, it's going to turn brown faster. Honestly.

It's fucking physics. Oh no, it's brown again.

And then fucking Needy tells Jennifer all about how she told the dude that she's not a virgin and she's like, what? not even a backdoor virgin anymore thanks to roman i couldn't even go to six flags the next day i had to sit on a bag of peas yikes so bad I love that she just goes into that story hard.

Like she's like, I'm going to finish this story out.

She has a flashback. As uncomfortable as this is.

She goes so hard. She has flashbacks, just lights flashing.

Fucking montages of like butt sex. She brings out like a PowerPoint.

She's like, let me explain. She opens the freezer real slow with like a sad song playing in the back.

Scoops out the peas. A montage of frozen peas.

Hello, darkness, my old friend. Exactly.

So low shoulders. starts playing at this point, and Jennifer and Nikolai are eyeballing the shit out of each other, and also, is it weird that I genuinely enjoy the song that he's playing?

No, because I was gonna say that song slaps.

It was so fucking good. Both of the songs that we hear from them throughout the movie are so good.

They are. I'm for it. Through the trees, I will find you.

I will heal. He was so terrible at lip syncing and playing that guitar, though.

Yeah, it was uncumph. Oh, my God. Terrible.

Terrible. It's so bad. But the ruins left inside you, I'm still here breathing now.

That's some deep shit. I'm still here breathing now.

Oh, you actually had the melody on point.

I forgot the melody completely. I always write songs thinking I'm going to remember, and then I'm like...

So now, Jennifer and Needy, they hold hands for a second, but then Needy notices the place is fucking catching on fire.

Like, I mean a giant fucking fire that just starts. engineering is full on trance mode at this point.

She's like, oh, trance. The amount of people who just lit on fire spontaneously.

Oh my, that's, and there were explosions.

What was exploding? It was just a fire. It was literally just a fire.

And then these people just light on fire spontaneously.

I would have been like, something's awry.

It was the work of Satan. They called upon him.

I feel like this might be the underworld.

I don't know. It is. It was. All of the above.

D, all of the above. Then fucking Nikolai shows up like fucking Julian from Trailer Park Boy status because he's just holding a cup of whiskey just like chilling.

He's like, oh. Thank God you guys are all right.

I've been looking everywhere for you two.

It's kind of dangerous out here. Want to go someplace safe?

Like my van? Like my van? And then Megan says, I want to go to your really cool van.

Thank you. And it's my favorite part of the entire movie.

I definitely said that statement like at least three or four times throughout my adolescence.

100%. I am sad to admit that I've never been inside a really cool van.

I haven't either. You didn't in high school, right?

I didn't. I got pregnant in high school.

High school. Van life was over. Ash was the one getting into the really cool van and I was needy being like, no.

I'm like, this van is lit. Come on. I was the one like, don't be a bitch.

He was the one driving the van. No, I was like, Brie, get into this van.

You were like, I have a kid. I have to make responsible choices, Caleb.

Get in the van, Brittany. Shut up, Ruth.

I was like yo give me that whiskey in an alternate universe I probably would have gotten in the van So Nita gets home at this point and she calls chip and she tells him that the bar burned down and Jennifer's gone and a bunch of people are dead he's like oh Oh shit, rough.

And he asked for the make and model of the van and Needy's like, I don't know, an 89 rapist?

What the fuck do you expect me to say at this point?

It was probably an Astrovan. It was probably a Chevy Astrovan, to be very honest.

Honestly, my main concern about this entire scene was just that fucking chip had a unicycle in the corner of his room.

I was like, I couldn't focus on anything we were saying.

When you sent me your notes this morning, I was like trying that you wrote that down.

I was like, yes. Because I was like, why?

You had 15 very strong bullet points, and one of them was, why is there a unit?

It's fucking hilarious because if anybody is going to be a unicycle guy.

Oh, yeah. 600%. Yeah. He's a unicycle guy.

He's very on brand. So she hears a fucking doorbell and she hangs up on Chip and hears noises in the kitchen.

And when she walks off, like... There's fucking just water dripping on the sink.

So she's like, okay. She shuts it off and then she turns around.

Jennifer is just like, Jennifer is popping up like Jason this entire fucking movie.

She's just popping up in front of people.

Yep. She's like, what the fuck is up? I'm hungry.

What the fuck is up, Kyle? What did you say, dude? and there's a lot of these like these like fake out like behind the door scares throughout this whole thing like you think someone's gonna show up yeah I noticed that when she opened her basement door and she closed it, I was like, oh, Jennifer's going to be there. she wasn't you out and then so like when when it led up to the point that jennifer was like actually there i wasn't like you're like she about to come somewhere And Jennifer's just standing there like looking like a fucking straight succubus and she heads over to the fridge and starts writing.

She's eating some of like Needy's mother's food and Jennifer's fucking crouched on the floor in the creepiest position possible.

And she screeches, like, fucking full volume in response.

Full demon screeching. And you know what?

If you asked John, he would tell you that I do the same thing when I eat rotisserie chicken. rotisserie chicken makes elena feel some type of way and if you tried to take the chicken away from her she'd probably do the same fucking scream that jennifer makes Wait, I remember that story.

That's like your ghost chicken thing. It's like my shit.

I love rotisserie chicken. I love rotisserie chicken.

I come here looking for rotisserie chicken.

I felt her in that scene. I was like, yeah, I get it, girl. back the fuck away from my rotisserie and like the fact that she was eating it cold i was like dude fucking relatable I will just pull that bitch out of the fucking fridge and just pick at it.

100%. It's so good. You can edit this out if you want to. but it is a good fucking note for everybody.

If you ever want to reheat your rotisserie chicken, put a little dab, like a little cap full of white wine on the chicken. pop that shit in the microwave and it'll be moist when it comes out.

It won't be dry like yucky cold chicken.

Hello. You're welcome. Cooking tips from Ash.

I was just going to say that. I was going to say cooking tips with Ash.

I got you. Bobby Flay over here. So Elena, do you also puke out like black spiky blood after rotisserie chicken?

Uh, every time. I'm here to state for the record that yeah, she does.

Every single time. And I try to use my Swiffer to mop it up just like Amanda Seyfried.

And she just cries and cries. I'm like, why are you not wearing gloves while you're fucking mopping that up?

I threw my Swiffer away when I moved out of my apartment.

And I heard you say that on an old episode.

And I genuinely felt for you. Yeah, like, I fucking miss it so much now.

I was like, no, you know what? A regular mop works just as fine.

Like, no. It's not the same. It was so relatable for me when you lost your Swiffer because I lost my Swiffer in the Annie breakup, but now me and Annie are back together, so that means I'm back with my Swiffer. oh my god i have to call her after this is over so the next thing we see is needy in class and she's dreaming about the time that jennifer got stabbed by uh Pintak and Jennifer clearly made needy promise not to let her mom give her a tetanus shot.

That seems like a bad idea. Yeah, that's a promise you don't want to keep.

Like, what is fucking Needy going to do to stop that as a six-year-old?

You can't do it. You must. Like that thing was very dirty.

You're going to get an infection. 100%. Also, am I confused or does she suck the blood out?

She sure does. That's nasty. Oh, she does.

That's... Like, that's rule number one to teach your children.

Yeah, you gotta question that on your child.

I guess we're over here like complaining about the actions of seven-year-olds, but you know what?

I'm going to, that's fine. It's totally fine.

It's all good. So Jennifer just kind of like shows up at this point and she's being super rude to Needy and she recalls that she was like up all night cleaning the blood and puke and she like shows her her dirty nails and that's about Well, Ash said, like, you need to cover your hands with something.

Yeah. Because that's gross. It's super gross, and then she was like, Not only did she say the blood and the puke or whatever, she was like scrubbing the carnage off of the linoleum.

Linoleum. Linoleum. Linoleum. like the way she put it i was just like okay it's grosser than i even oh yeah when they do the flashback it's like chunky and awful Yeah.

But this provides your favorite quote. It does but it's also a very racist quote that I'm not saying.

Should I say it? Her listeners might eat us alive.

They definitely would. And then we get fucking J. Jonah Jameson hopping in with a glorious wig, and he makes a sad speech addressing all the people that died the night before.

Jennifer's just making jokes the whole time.

She's like... They died. That's cool. No, because he was like, the fire will not win.

And she's like, the fire will not win. Which is fucked.

He also says one of my favorite quotes when he goes, who's a cool dude?

Who's a hoe? Like imagine your teacher being like, which one of you is a hoe?

I feel Jennifer on such a spiritual level there though.

Cause I'm one of those people at like funerals who like, I smile when I shouldn't smile.

Like I'm one of those people. Dude, I do the same.

Because you know that you're not supposed to.

It's so bad. So your body wants to do it more.

I did a speech once at a funeral and I was like, I was laughing.

I was like, I'm not trying to do this. I'm sorry.

Like, I'm really not happy, I swear. That's me when I do the true crime episodes.

Like, I start laughing and I'm like, oh, God, this isn't funny.

Like, somebody got me. because it's like it's unrelated stuff it's not about the murder it's like about it's about like why the fuck would you do something like that and it's like i can't help but laugh Yeah, exactly.

It's like when Mackenzie's hamster Buzz Lightyear died and we did nothing but laugh, even though it was like. very sad.

Oh my god, I remember that story. So now we move over to the sick-ass football field with some sweet-ass metal music playing, and Football Man Jones is sad because Craig died.

And Jennifer said that Craig said that her and Football Man would make a banging couple, and she puts Jonas' hand on her boob and says her heart's broken.

She's like, all right, come into the woods with me.

First of all. Absolutely not. First of all, wrong.

Wrong. So they're making out. Jonas is weirded out because they get surrounded by woodland critters.

And I can just think of the South Park episode with the woodland critters.

It was like fucking Twilight. This is so white.

Yeah, it gave me major Twilight vibes. It was legit Twilight.

I watched Twilight recently and I was like, wow, is this the same clearing?

I watched all of the Twilight recently and did not.

Let me tell you. Don't regret. I get told all the time that I have twilight vampire eyes because they're orange.

I get told literally all the time. That's fucking dope.

I wish I had orange eyes. I'm a vampire.

So Jennifer starts fucking, um, I hate this fucking lag on Skype.

I know it's like, yes. Oh, this lag is literally the worst.

Cause like, I'll see you guys like not moving.

And then like, I go to talk like right. When you guys start moving, I'm like... I feel you.

God damn it. We'll figure out a way to sleep with this.

So Jennifer says they're waiting and she fucking like takes her shirt off and starts undressing Jonas.

And she grabs his dick and she's like, do you miss Craig?

And he's like, uh, this is a bad time. time to talk about this she's like you're gonna see your buddy real soon and she shoves him onto the tree and pulls out her insane teeth like fucking penny wise teeth and eats him I was just going to say, but it's better CGI than... It's better.

It's better than fucking It Chapter 2. It's...

And that's disappointing. It's good for this, but bad for chapter two.

And then fucking the teacher hears this and he's like...

Ah, let it all out, kids. He's like, let it all out, son.

This dude is screaming in terror. Like, that's not sadness.

It is clearly not sadness. But for some reason, even though he, like, kind of just brushed it off, he heads into the forest anyway, and he finds a deer fucking feasting on Jonas' torn-up body.

And he gets fucking wheeled away and the mother is in hysterics and Marshall Erickson's father screams.

He's like, oh my God, this is one of my favorite parts.

This is the best part of the movie for me.

You hear me? You bastard. I'll cut off your nutsack and nail it to my door like one of those lying door knockers rich folks got.

That will be your balls. And when he says that will be your balls, the scene pans out very dramatically.

Oh, that's amazing. Dude, that shit was fucking awesome.

I love it. I was concerned because they were wheeling him into an ambulance.

And I was like, yo, don't you guys have a coroner at the very least?

Like, he dead. Yeah, he's dead dead. He's not coming back.

You can't fix this problem. Where's your coroner? oh my god there's another racist thing right now needy's on the phone with the fucking jennifer and she's sad and uh jennifer's like it's just a white trash bag pig roast referring to the Oh my god, that's horrific.

But I refer to myself as white trash all the time, so it's fine.

It's fine. Those are like my district cousins.

That's what I was going to say. Like, I don't care about the white part, the part that she said pig rose.

Yeah, that's the part I was like, ooh, that's fucked up.

This is bad. yeah maybe x made that out and maybe gets another fucking call and jennifer tells her to ignore it but she takes it anyway and jennifer's like Poo, I'm crossing you out.

If this is not mean girl vibes, I don't know.

I loved when she kept doing that. crossing you out.

She did that like three different times too.

They made like multiple references and I was like, this is fucking awesome.

Love it. And now fucking Chip calls her and he says he needs to see her immediately.

And Chip's sister yells at him about his penis cheese.

She says, shut up, Chip. Yeah, that's inappropriate for a child her age.

I'm like, no. Yeah, she's like five. And they make another very inappropriate one with her later.

And I don't even know if I'm going to repeat that one.

I said it like on the note thing in the beginning, but I don't think I can repeat it in the context.

She needs to see someone. She really does.

So Nidia's like, alright, I gotta go, and Jennifer's on the other line.

She's literally burning her fucking tongue with a lighter, and Nidia's like, I have to go, and Jennifer says, I am God. she says i am a god and i love that needy's just like all right sure i love that shit Could you imagine someone saying that to you and you just blowing it over?

Like, oh, all right. It's like what you have to do if your best friend is like a narcissist.

I'd be like, okay. really yeah but yeah you just get used to it you're still god we get it bye we get it and then through the trees i will find you plays in memorial to jonas who got turned into a quote unquote oh shit i forgot about that this is so fun Oh my god, so for some reason, Jennifer thinks that Hamlet's going to fuck his mom.

No, it is not. That's not how Hamlet goes.

Goth guy Colin asks out Jennifer to a showing of the Rocky Horror Show, and Jennifer's like...

I don't like boxing movies. This pissed me off.

This pissed me off so fucking bad. Elena was like, she was like, I thought that he said like the Rocky Horror Picture Show and then he's like, he looks at her and she's like, no, like, not that movie.

And she's like, oh, okay, I thought he said that.

I got real confused. Meanwhile, I was like, honestly, I probably would have said the same shit.

I got so mad because I was like, would you really turn down seeing Rocky Horror Picture Show in theaters?

Like, I wouldn't. That reminds me, for my birthday, John got me a signed photo of Rocky Horror Picture Show by Tim Curry. yes no fucking way i just had to show elena and john's love is unbeatable I'll never beat it.

Oh my god, I love it. I was going to say that I saw a Rocky Horror Picture Show in a cemetery once.

No, that's pretty bad. That's like a different level of dope.

When was this, Caleb? Probably like 2015, 16-ish.

Huh. Who'd you see it with? My piece of shit father.

He sucks. He's not the important part of the story.

Okay. I also saw Beetlejuice in the cemetery.

Oh, what the fuck? I forget that the Riverside Cemetery does that shit.

That's badass. I want to do that. I'm lime green jello. full circle baby yes thank you thank you So, yeah, she turns him down, and then Needy's like, well, he's actually really cool, so she changes her mind, and she tells him to come over to the house later.

And now Needy and Chip are fucking plowing to some rock music while Colin is driving to Jennifer singing...

I can see clearly now the rain is gone, but it's goth kid version.

See, I dated a Colin in high school and he never went through this much trouble to see me ever.

No. And we dated for like four years. But he also was a very different human than this Colin.

He was. I lost the little thing I was twiddling.

When I saw this movie, it was like my peak emo stage.

You were like, he's it. I feel you on that.

He's just constantly holding a rosary, Elena pointed out.

Yeah, I was like, why is he twiddling that rosary constantly?

It's a vibe. Vibe check. I forgot about that.

He's like rosary check. That's so theatrical.

He's also going through so much effort to see Jennifer at this point.

Yeah, he is. It's too much. And she's not even his type.

No, it's not. It was disappointing to me.

But they did say that like he liked the dead girls and she looks like really shitty at this point because she hasn't eaten anybody in a while.

That's true. You're right. I think that's what it was.

See, I was like, Colin, if Colin likes the dead girls, he would love me.

Yeah, you're right. Because we're pale. and because you're a vampire i fucking feel that i'm super dead inside i said we're so that it didn't sound like i was insulting you So he fucking shows up to Jennifer Street and obviously it's not her street.

But on another part about this, I don't know how many people care about like really good shots.

But this is such a fucking good shot of the entire street.

Like, it is so fucking creepy. It gave me like a Nightmare on Elm Street vibe.

Yeah, me too. That's how I felt. It is so good.

That was just an incredible shot. I'm a fucking sucker for really good shots, and that was one of them.

It definitely was. Oh, my God. So good.

And he tries like knocking on the door and stuff, but she doesn't answer.

So he literally just breaks in the home because I guess that's how first dates work.

Yeah. And fucking Jennifer is playing I Wanna Love You by Akon.

Oh my God, you're right. I thought that's what she was playing.

And I was like, am I just like having a fever dream?

I used to fucking jam to that in like seventh grade, which is unacceptable.

Oh, I wasn't listening to that. I was listening to I Wanna Fuck You, like, all day, every day.

Yep, same deal, same deal. The unedited version.

So he finds the room bumping the bangers and it is filled with candles and like a drill so red flags Yeah.

He goes in anyway. And Jennifer pops up behind him with her dead eyes.

And Colin's like, this this isn't your house, is it?

And Jennifer wants to play mommy and daddy and tells Colin that he... I hate... I don't even want to say it.

He gives her such a... Ew, ew, ew. We need to talk about the sound it made when Jennifer entered the room.

It was like a slithering like... Oh, I didn't even hear it.

Yeah. Like when she entered the room, it was like a slithering.

Oh, I love that and hate it all at the same time.

This whole scene makes me ridiculously uncomfortable.

There's a lot of scenes that make me uncomfortable in this movie.

I just realized in my notes for this scene, I just wrote much danger, many fires.

You just said that out loud and I was like, write that in your notes.

Much danger, many fires. I had to stop myself from spitting out my drink right now because I've already done enough. this episode no when she said that i was like crying because the way you said it was so funny you just looked up from your computer and you're like much danger many fires And it was like 9 a.m.

Literally 9 a.m. Default response for such a situation.

I can't help it. And then what about when Jennifer fucking pulls down Colin's pants and goes, nice hardware, Ace.

Oh, that's what she said. I love that. And at this point, the whole time we're watching like fucking Chip and Needy plow.

And like she is seeing fucking succubus Jennifer in the corner of the room like eating Jonas.

And she starts like crying and like hysterically crying.

And Chip is grinning because he thinks he's plowing her to the street.

And when they end, he's like, oh, I was too big, huh?

He's like, am I hurting you? Am I too big?

And she's like, definitely not. When he said, am I too big?

I was like, oh, Chip, you sweet angel. No, sweetie, you're not.

Get back on your unicycle. And honestly.

Grade A squid. Dude, this was the worst sex scene I've ever seen in my life.

Like, I wanted to cry for multiple times.

Yeah, that was rough. It's high school sex, so I mean...

Oh, God. It's like, oh, God. Don't start porn.

Don't start porn. I'm gonna throw up now.

Oh, so yeah, she just kind of drives off and Jennifer eats Colin.

Oh, yeah. And he's pretty, he looks like anemic.

So I was like, that's a bad snack. Yeah, he's not going to provide you any sustenance.

We had it whole last night. discussion about that yeah i was like you know but like why would she pick him and elena was like yeah i swear he's anemic We were like being like really like clinical about who she fucking picked to murder.

Yeah. Well, no, it's true. He looks like me and you would not want to eat me.

I would not sustain you. you want someone like jonah sustainability am i right he's this big dude he's got blood flowing She should have been full for a few weeks.

Oh, wait, no, you know what? She was full for a month after that.

They actually did do a timeline for that.

They did. Oh, wow. So Jonah really did the damn thing.

So you know what? And actually, I think she was only full for like a week or two after eating collagen.

So maybe this was. I think you accidentally called Colin Jonas right now.

Maybe. Either way. We know what happens.

Shit happens. The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.

But lately, life on the coast has taken a strange turn.

The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.

His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.

Then there's the mysterious phone calls that local people have been getting.

I am the Archangel Michael. The whole town has been thrown into chaos.

As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties, I would like to address you all.

Legal proceedings have been initiated. Join me, Anna Richardson, and journalist Leo Schick for The Mystic and the Mayor as we investigate a story of power, corruption, and magic.

Binge all episodes of The Mystic and the Mare exclusively and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.

Start your free trial in Apple Podcasts, Spotify or the Wondery app.

But yeah. Well, when Nidia's driving off, she's like driving by the woods, and fucking Jennifer just crawls out of the woods and fucking... destroys her windshield rude and then needy makes it to her bed and we hear jennifer say hi right next to her in her bed it's like oh don't i hate it Jennifer's wearing a really sick Evil Dead shirt in this scene.

Yeah. Thank you. That's what Nidhi says.

She's like, is that my Evil Dead shirt? And then Jennifer starts fucking making out with her graphically with hella tongue.

And then the whole time they're making out too, there's a fucking Evil Dead poster, right?

Oh, there is. You're right. I did not notice the poster.

And then I was like trying to tell Caleb about like an Evil Dead, like I guess sneak peek reference or whatever.

And I was talking about the shirt and he was like, no, there's two.

And I was like, oh shit. I was so confused.

All of the evil dead. I don't know how you didn't notice that.

This is the best movie of all fucking time.

It's so fucking awesome. That it's a great flick.

And then, yeah, they fucking make it out and shit, and then Jennifer starts to tell the story of what happened, because Nita freaks out.

She's like, what the fuck is happening? You need to tell me what's going on. on and then Jennifer's like yeah well I was with the angels of Satan with cool haircuts and I saw like a cult and witch books everywhere and I was like oh this isn't going too well they take her to the fucking falls there was a book in that van that just said witches i got up to go to the bathroom we both were like that book just says witches and that's it and i don't know why we found that so funny it's amazing And she starts to tell this story, and she's like, all right, well, they took me to the falls, and they dragged Jennifer out to the woods, and they start a ritual.

And one of the guys is kind of hesitant, and Nicholas is like, all right, well.

Do you want to keep working at Moose Coffee or do you want to be like that guy from Maroon 5?

Moose Toe Coffee or something like that.

Like Moose Knuckle Coffee. I definitely would not buy a coffee. from an establishment.

I would never. I would fucking never. I'm also wondering, do you think Adam Levine sacrificed a virgin to get his shit? maybe i think adam levine did 100 that's why he wasn't considered for the role Did you guys see when he had cornrows like a minute ago?

Oh my. Or like braids or something, Adam Levine. what yeah he got like weird braids in his hair and it looked very bad lasted for two days and he was like all right you know what you guys are right you know you guys are right And I think this is one of, I know Ash wrote this scene down because he pulls out a Bowie knife and he's like, here we go, it's going to be gnarly.

And then they all break out into song and I'm going to let you guys sing it.

Jenny, I got your number. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9.

I knew I could count on you guys for that. i was like right when i watched that i was like i know i know like oh i know I kept thinking of all those memes that are like, if you went on a psycho killing spree, what song would you play?

And I was like, not that one. No. I personally feel like Satan would be really pissed if you fucking played 8 6 7 5 3 0 9 as you fucking murdered his sacrifice.

He'd be like, yeah, pick again. I'm not taking the sacrifice.

He'd be like, really? Not even Black Sabbath?

He's like, that is not hardcore. What is this shit?

I need some Phil Collins in here. You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore.

We need some Genesis. Tarzan soundtrack come through.

So she recalls not dying for whatever reason and we see her walking home that night and she sees Ahmet and she's like, Hey, are you lost?

But he's just dead fucking silent. She kind of confirms that no one knows that he's still alive.

And she ate him. I was really rooting for him.

She ate him. She ate him. She ate him real fucking good.

I was so sad. I was like tell her that everybody knows where you are.

I know we were like, everyone knows you're alive.

Say it. Tell her that everyone has you on Find My Friends and they will know.

I know it's 2009, but just tell her that.

If anyone ever comes up to you and asks you, like, hey, do people know you're alive?

Yes, everyone knows. The universe. Everybody is informed.

I just Snapchatted. I'm alive right now.

Feeling lit, feeling life. My location is on on Snapchat.

Everybody knows where I am. So then fucking Jennifer's like, see I can do shit like this and she fucking cuts herself open and just heals right back up and Nidhi's like weirded out but not weirded out enough and And she tells Jennifer to leave.

So of course she's just like, okay. And then she just hops out the window.

She's like, where are you going? She's like, bye.

She also screams at her at one point. What about my mom's Kia?

Oh yeah, because she like crashed into Jennifer.

Oh yeah, she's like, what about my mom's Kia?

And I was super pissed because she left with a Needy's Evil Dead shirt.

And that shit was so fucking good. Yeah, that's a loss.

She just straight up stole that shit. Yeah, I'd be pissed.

She's definitely evil now. I'd be pissed.

So Colin's goth friends are like fucking crying at the funeral and they're like, Colin wouldn't have wanted this.

And his mom's like, yeah, he wouldn't want to be eaten by a fucking cannibal right before his 18th birthday.

And then he's like, when they found him, he looked like lasagna with teeth.

And that is terrifying. Cool band name, I call it.

Lasagna with teeth. lasagna with teeth oh my god you guys shit let's start a band let's do it lasagna with teeth i will be uh the triangle okay I'm gonna go ahead and take the teeth.

I wanna be the lasagna. Wait a minute. I changed my mind.

I want to be the ricotta in a little minute.

Is lasagna an instrument? Is mayonnaise an instrument?

You can take your pain and shove it up your asses, kids.

I got the monopoly on pain. How bad is it that I almost started crying in this scene?

I was like, damn, she lost her kid. How bad is it that a parent is yelling at her kid's friends, telling them to shove their pain up their asses?

Like they feel for this too. I know. Just because they're goth doesn't mean they don't feel this.

She's like, it's not the same. That's a boomers thing.

Goth people have no feelings. I would have just hit her with an okay boomer.

And then just went on your merry way. At the funeral.

If only 2009 had OK Boomer, they would have put that movie.

100%. It would have been the situation to put OK Boomer in a fucking movie.

So now, this is like, I'm never okay with people in horror movies just finding a book and being like, okay, this is the plot of the movie, this is how I'm gonna solve this.

But she finds a book on succubuses and I'm like, you know what?

That's actually fine. I think you can actually find that in the real world.

Yeah, you definitely could. That one made sense.

That's like what happens in Twilight. It gave me Twilight vibes again.

Oh yeah. Yeah. That's true. Research montage.

That's fucking incredible because it's really hard to put something like that in a movie.

Like when people just find a book and they're just like, oh, here's a book on killer washing machines.

I know how to take this out. Here's a book on killer turkeys.

I was just going to say killer turkeys. I can solve this.

My dad probably has a book on killer turkeys.

I want a book on killer washing machines.

Somebody write me that book. The Mangler, John Carpenter.

Someone make a book. The Mangler. Somebody do it.

Caleb, you do it. that book. That's fine.

Well, yeah, you can find out how to kill a washing machine.

It's probably not too hard. Just unplug it.

Just unplug that shit. We made the book.

So she finds out that their weakest went hungry and a blow to the heart will destroy her.

And I think it's like a blow to the heart with like metal or something.

I don't fucking know. But Needy now explains the plot of the movie to Chip.

And he's like, she's like, well, you know, Jennifer wasn't a virgin.

So she turned out to be a succubus and the dance is going to be an all you can eat buffet.

And he's like, well, you're crazy and you broke up with me and I spent $12 on a corsage.

This is important. He's like, I bought your corsage.

I spent $12. Your goddamn corsage. I'd be like, that's it, motherfucker.

I'm not going with you anyway. That's all you have to say?

$12 on a fucking corsage? Try again, baby.

A crumbly little flower, you fucker. But $12 high school money?

That's serious money. That is serious money.

I had the ugliest high school corsage of all time.

She did. I don't care who's listening. My prom date's mom absolutely hated me. that shit was held together with awkwardness.

I hated all the new music that I listened to now in high school.

So like my girlfriend at the time was like, Hey, let's go to the prom.

And I was like, I'm not going anywhere near that.

I'm not going near those people. Prom sucked.

I never went to any school dances. Prom sucked.

Ever. I was just never interested. Prom is overrated as fuck, but yeah, I'm making my kids go.

You gotta go. Yeah. Okay. I went in middle school and I sat around.

I wore an all white outfit with a white fedora and I drank punch.

That's amazing. No way. I liked taking pictures better than I liked going to parties.

There were money signs all over my white jacket.

Yes. That's amazing. Where are their pictures of this?

Seriously. I don't have pictures of this.

Someone yelled vibe check and you just came around the corner.

Vibe check. Hand over your vibes. Did someone say vibe check?

You walk up and they're like, all right, we have enough.

This will sustain. This is enough currency.

I'd tip it. I'm screaming. So at this point, Chip's mom tries to give him ladies pepper spray, and he's, like, offended by this, even though pepper spray is just pepper spray.

He's like, I could defend myself because of Bowflex.

I've been using the Bowflex. Dude, right before this, he's low-key flexing in the mirror.

Oh, yeah. He's kind of flexing in the mirror, and he's like, no, I can defend myself.

I've been using the Bowflex. And if Bowflex isn't the most 2009 shit ever, I don't know what is.

100%. Is that what was in the butt commercial in the beginning?

No, I think that was something else, but I wish it was.

That was a butt squeeze. I didn't know if you squeezed your own butt on the Bowflex.

That should be a thing. It's like the Spongebob episode where Patrick has that butt Bowflex.

And then right now we get fucking Panic at the Disco New Perspective, which is a banger.

Love Panic at the Disco. Brandon Urie all the time.

Yes. You know, I was really upset one time because he was streaming Fortnite when I still played it and I played with him and then like he left the game that we won and I was like, I wanted you to be proud of me oh that's so sad no way you played with him he was he was streaming one time and we hopped into his stream and we were like playing and then like he died early on in the game and then we won and at the end we saw that he just left and I was like ah I'm so I'm lime green jello about that too My goodness.

This is a new phrase. I forgot all about this song, New Perspective, until I watched this movie again.

And I was like, oh, fuck, dude. I remember after I saw this movie.

I like went straight home onto YouTube and I was like, new perspective, Panic at the Disco.

I listened to it for like days on end, dude.

It's such a good soundtrack. Dude, it's an amazing soundtrack.

It really is. Everything about it. I love it.

I love it. This is my heart, pop balloon.

My soul, pop balloon. Everything I've ever believed in, pop balloon.

Your abortion, pop balloon. Your other abortion, pop balloon.

Jesus. This movie, man. It really doesn't.

And can we all just admit that Needy looks like a strawberry in her prom dress?

I was so upset about it. Yeah. Yes. And I was so upset about her hair.

She looks like a 1980s Barbie doll. Yeah.

Diablo Cody does that, though. She does like how Juno is like in a decade, but it's like not in a decade.

Like she does that with her movies. Wait, does Chip's mom say something about her hair?

Yeah, she looks at her and she's like, oh, your hair.

I love that. I feel that. So yeah, she's all fucking, we see Chip walk into that dance, and then we see Jennifer disappears in front of him again, because she's Jason, that's fine.

And she starts talking about how she's super worried about Needy, and she basically tells Chip that Needy was super sad about Colin's death because her and Colin were porking on a semi-regular basis.

When she said porking, I wanted to gouge my own eyeballs out.

I hate that. Bumping uglies. So much better.

Bumping uglies. I'm still so dumbfounded that Ash never heard about that until like two months ago.

That blew my brain apart. My friends and I were like making fun of the fact that I didn't know what that was.

I think my friends didn't know what that was either because we're all the same person.

That's crazy. And we said that it should be bumping mosaics instead.

What? Because we were really drunk. mosaic like why would you say you're ugly you're a mosaic baby That is beautiful.

I remember when I was younger, my asshole stepmom was all like, nobody looks good having sex.

And then I thought about later, I was like, isn't that what porn is?

Wait a second. Yeah, but nobody looks like that.

I was like, isn't that the whole purpose of porn?

You find one. that looks like... I don't get the logic.

You're like, am I wrong? Do I not get how this works?

Your stepmom's an idiot. You're like, this is a whole industry, ma'am.

Be respectful. I believed that for so fucking long.

I thought that was a fact. I was like, oh, well, an older person told me this.

And then I got older and I was like, wait, that's not how this works.

You're like, listen, Lee, why are you even talking to me about this?

That's not factual. I was just gonna say that why are you even saying that to me in the first place I was young yeah that's inappropriate she's a psycho Yep.

Sack of... Shit. Potatoes. Sack of... Oh, three different answers.

I'm glad. And D, all of the above. I'm glad I came here tonight.

So fucking Needy at this point, she's like, she has this revelation.

She's like, okay, Jennifer isn't at the prom because she's with Chip.

And this is when she goes off running and she gets destroyed by Chip's mom.

And then Chip and Jennifer show up to a pool, like a raggedy ass pool, and they start... There's like... roots from trees growing in it's like black and mossy and just there's spray paint in the corner that just says hopeless yeah it's not a prime place to get busy yeah Or is it?

That's how I feel at least. To get busy.

And at one point during this. You say get busy.

I forgot. Ash literally just said that's so douchey of her to murder her friend's boyfriend.

She said it very seriously. Like, man, that's shitty of her.

But you know what? She really sucks. Needy says the same exact thing when she confronts her.

Because it is shitty. I felt for Needy. She's like, that's real shitty.

Also, I'm like, okay. Who decided that her nickname was Needy?

That sucks. Probably Jennifer. Why not just go by Edie?

Probably Jennifer. No, no, no. I explained this to Brie earlier.

That was actually, and I think it's really fucking clever.

That was something Diablo Cody did on purpose because she's like the insecure, needy friend.

It's symbolism. I mean it makes sense but still it sucks.

It sucks for her, but it's so fucking clever.

I think that's genius. She's like, I'm going to name this character Needy.

So they keep fucking, like, making out and shit, and then Chip is like, I feel weird, and then Jennifer just throws him into the nasty-ass pool and falls.

And then Needy finds a flower on the ground with a good three miles away from the pool, but somehow she hears, help!

And she just starts running over and she's trying Traveling so far.

She's like, hark! She runs in the funniest way.

And she gets over there and she finds Jennifer eating out of Chip's neck.

And what she says right here is next level.

She does that little cross thing around her chest and she's like, St.

Jude, patron saint of hopeless causes, please give me the power to crush this. bitch i loved it maybe that's why the fucking thing said hopeless well because she needs them to be hopeless But it's interesting that the police said hopeless.

Maybe that's symbolism. It is. I like to point things out. so she's chilling underwater and pops out and chip hands needy the fucking pepper spray and she sprays her ass up but then she starts floating chips like she can fly and she's like she's just hovering it's not I love that.

Fucking Jennifer's like, God, why do you always have to undermine everything I do?

You're such a player. love it oh it's the best fucking love it Dude, and also, playing on the genius fucking needy name, Jennifer looks at her and she's like, I am not insecure.

Oh, yeah, you're right. Oh, next fucking level.

I love that. She is. So they literally just have a burn fest at this point until Jennifer says that she's going to eat her soul and shit it out.

And Dee Dee's like, I thought you only eat boys.

I go both ways. Groundbreaking. Love it.

When she said that, I was like, oh. Jennifer is on some Freddy Krueger witticism level.

She is. Yes. All she has to do is say, it's prime time.

Exactly. And that's it. She's Freddy Krueger.

That's what she should have said at the end instead of what she actually said.

She should have. You know what? Jennifer's body's four out of five stars.

It'd be five stars if she said that. 100%.

The missing link. So Chip takes this opportunity to stab her through the stomach with a fucking pool cleaner.

And she just like pulls it out. It's like a fucking badass.

And then she ruins it by saying, you got a tampon?

But then she brings it back by saying, thought I'd ask.

You seem like you might be plugging. Oh my God.

Oh my God. The lines in this are so good.

She said that tampon line and I cringed and I was like, oh, that's the first bad line of the movie.

And then she took it back and I was like, Holy shit, you just made a bad line good.

She said three more things after she said the bad line.

Three more bad things after the first one. it wasn't stopping and but i fought through it we fought through it and in the end it worked Chip apologizes for not believing Needy and then states that he's big dead now.

He's like, yeah, I was dead before, but then I heard your voice and I was small dead.

Now I'm gonna be big dead. everywhere just like fucking jennifer in the beginning scene he's like i heard your voice i heard your voice He fucking lies to Needy because he says that she looks good in her dress.

He is delirious. He's a bullshitter. She even says that.

She's like, oh boy, you're really delirious.

Oh, she does say that. He's like, no. Then he's like, dies.

Needy ends up laying in her bed. bloodied up and dirtied in her dress, and it gives me total Ready or Not vibes.

Oh, yeah. Dude. 100%. They do. they don't know about it but adam brody is also in it and i just i i'm pretty sure they got a lot of references from maybe i'm reaching for straws but that was awesome yeah And we're back at the butt squeeze scene from earlier in the movie.

And Needy pops through the window. And I don't mean... She doesn't pop through the window.

She... tackles the window. She flies through this glass window.

She demolishes the window. Like launches through it.

She fucking RKO's this She's like, parkour.

Parkour, parkour. She sticks the landing.

Somebody needs to edit that. And then she gets her fucking ass bit up and Jennifer licks her lips like a total queen.

And then she's like, fucking, Needy pulls out this box cutter and she's like, you know what it's for?

It's for cutting boxes. Jennifer's like, you buy all your killing tools at Home Depot?

God, that's butch. Yeah. No, she says, God, that's so butch.

To the very end. She's snappy to the very end.

Love it. And then we get another fucking like mean girls S thing because she says cross out Jennifer and fucking slices her up like an X. Oh, yeah, she does.

You're right. And then Jennifer starts levitating again and spinning around in circles and Needy rips off her Biff's necklace and for some reason, This causes Jennifer to lose all of her life force and fall to the bed dramatically.

Like, what did you think was going to happen when you killed her boyfriend?

Right? Do you guys think you were going to be biffed still?

Like, she immediately regretted going to Claire's with you.

I'm pretty sure during this, I just yelled, we are not biffs.

Oh my God. I was alone, but I yelled that in my head.

No, You know what? Honestly, you know what I imagine?

I imagine this was me and Bree and I just ripped off the necklace and we were like slowly falling down. but like falling down like not from levitating like falling down from like something else stupid from like tackling each other when we're drunk with whole cans on.

I have never tackled you. You tackle me.

Well. You're like, well, correct. It's a bad time.

I can't deny it. It's fine. That one goes like on... unrealized yeah i don't know if you guys noticed but that's not brie saying it's facts because you can't see her that's me pressing the soundboard and making her say it's facts oh really oh my god i didn't know that I took its facts from one of the episodes so that whenever Brie disagrees with me, I can make her agree with me.

That's so smooth. I hate it. I need it. He has all the power now.

Wow, he really does. Shit, I want a soundboard.

No. No. You honestly do. It's changed my life.

I feel like you would just like have so many clips of me saying like the embarrassing shit.

I would. 100%. So, like, during this dramatic scene, Needy flies down and she puts the box cutter straight into her chest and Jennifer...

Elena, you can say this. Say it. I know you've been waiting for this.

My tit. And she doesn't even say it like it hurts.

She's just like. my tit no your heart it's so amazing it's so funny it's everything what a final word And then this scene actually gets really sad because Needy's on top of her with a box cutter in her fucking chest and Jennifer's fucking mom runs in and she starts crying.

Yeah, that's rough. Oh my God, dude. I didn't remember much from this movie other than that the emo guy died and that her mother walked in on her getting murdered.

Yeah, that was so sad. Super sad. Yeah. Because I would just straight up murder that girl if I was her mom.

Right. Straight up. Yeah. She was kind of just like, ah, well, she's dead.

She was like, wow, this is a bummer. She was like, she was kind of a bitch.

And you know what? Needy just walks away.

She's just like, oh, I gotta go. No, she like rolls over on the bed and just lays there.

Yeah, she does. And then she leaves. And then we're back in the psych ward.

Yeah. Oh my god, so Needy states that she isn't who she is anymore because some say if you get bit by a demon and you live, you absorb some of their powers.

Now she's floating, and she's the pretentious one.

She's strong. She's escaping by walking through the fence.

Which I was like, why didn't she do that a long time ago if she had that power?

I think she was enjoying all the letters she got.

Why were you beating up the nurses? Yeah, for funsies.

You could have just left. Because she could.

You could just leave. That's literally the only explanation.

She's like, bitch, I might be. She was taking out anger earlier in the movie, so maybe it was that.

Oh, yeah, that's true. So Needy walks off. and hitches a ride from some old geezer, and he asks where she's going, and she's like, following this rock band.

Tonight's gonna be their last show. Honestly, such a good fucking way to end the movie.

Yep. It is because the rock music starts playing like there's no more dialogue anymore.

And you just see all the fucking band like partying.

They're doing coke. They're fucking hanging out with girls in their life. fuck yeah, dude, this is awesome.

And then she just shows up, like knocks on the door. destroys them.

We see blood flying everywhere. The next thing we see is fucking body bags and cops taking care of the crime scene.

And the very last thing we see is a bunch of, like, fangirls running to the hotel room, excited to see... you know the fucking band and it's on black and white and it's all staticky like the fucking hotel camera and then needy walks off with a fucking hood just looking spook as fuck it's so good Such a great fucking ending.

Oh, it's so good. Holy shit. And you know what?

This movie is over an hour and a half and I'm not even upset about it.

No, not upset about it at all. Not at all.

It went by so quick too when I was watching it.

I almost wish there was more. And you know what?

17 kills. Oh, shit. Big ass fucking kill count.

That is a high kill count. That really is.

That's bigger than most Friday the 13th movies.

Yeah. That is a big kill count. That's crazy.

That's hard to say. Kill count. Kill count.

Kill count. Kill count. I heard she wanted to make a series out of this.

She tried to pitch it because she said it was like Buffy.

Well, because they set it up for a sequel, too, because they could have totally done a sequel with Needy being the fucking succubus.

Exactly. And actually, Diablo Cody said she didn't want to do a sequel, like the movie.

She was like, I have no interest in that.

Oh, really? But she was like, I pitched... series and they said no and her whole thing was Buffy the Vampire Slayer was like a underrated movie and then it turned into one of the biggest tv shows right yeah and i was like i'm here for it apparently nobody else was that's annoying netflix if you're listening give us a fucking jennifer's body too yes i am in because you know what netflix would do it right if they if anyone else tried to reboot it they'd probably fuck it up i feel like netflix probably handle it oh yeah i would trust netflix with it do you guys have a favorite kill in this movie I think my favorite one is Colin.

That's mine too. Why do we always do... You guys are one.

Caleb and I are one being. You guys are a unit.

We are. I feel like my favorite is Jennifer because she just says my tits.

Oh, my God. I was going to fucking say that, dude.

Holy shit. We are one brie. That's my favorite.

Like, it sucks that she, like, well, it doesn't suck that she dies.

Like, you see it coming. It does low-key suck.

Like just the whole like levitating, like floating around, rolling around and the fucking the Biff necklace getting ripped off and then fucking cross out Jennifer.

It's fucking great, dude. You hate to see her go, but you love to watch her leave.

Yep. That is the best explanation of it.

It's so true. Who is the best actor in this movie?

Jennifer. Honestly, yeah, Megan Fox. That scene with her when they're in the woods and they're about to sacrifice her, I believe her that she's absolutely terrified.

She was so good in that scene. She's great.

Chris Pratt. I was going to say, what's his name?

The guy who plays J. Jonah Jameson. J.K.

Simmons. Yeah. Him or Megan Fox. That's true.

It's a tie. He's great at all times. Also the teacher who's like.

That's him. Oh. Yeah. Okay, and pros for this movie?

Well, I like that it's like a feminist movie.

Yeah, it is. Definitely. Definitely, that would be a pro.

I think the whole movie is a pro. The dialogue, the phrases, the sheer 2009-ness, Megan Fox... the fucking soundtrack is my heart and soul.

The soundtrack is really good. The soundtrack and the nostalgia in this fucking film is incredible.

So good. Okay, so we do this thing where we... I usually ask Bree what the IMDB rating is, and for some reason she's always fucking 0.1 or 2 off.

So I want to see how you guys do. What do you think the IMDB rating is?

Oh, shit. I feel like it's probably bad.

It goes between 1 and 10 and it can be like, you know, like 1.1 or like 1.2, whatever.

I'm going to say like 4.6. I was going to say 4.7.

I was going to say 4.5. Whoa. Bree is the closest again.

5.2. Oh, shit. Wow. Jesus. Happens every time, guys.

I'm surprised. Every time, dude. Okay, I do a Rotten Tomatoes thing too.

So what do you think the critics on Rotten Tomatoes gave this?

40%. 47%. 54. Bri is wrong. 44%. Oh, shit.

It got really low ratings. It did. Rotten Tomatoes audience.

Audience? 86. I'm going to say 83. I'm going to say 68.

I'm going to say we're all pissed by this, but Elena is the closest.

34. Oh, shit. I knew it was low. Uncultured, these people.

Swines. Oh my god, did we both just say that?

You uncultured swine. Okay, and are you guys familiar with Letterboxd at all?

Yes. No. So it's kind of similar. There's ratings on it, too.

It goes up to five. And it has points in it, too, like 1.1, 1.2, etc., I would say 2.5.

1.3. I'm going to say three. Brie got it.

Three. Oh, cool. Oh, shit. Brie, what do you do?

You should bet on those shit. I'm a psychic.

I'm the Long Island medium. Teresa. Yes.

Teresa Caputo. Love her. Love her to death.

Love her to death. Larry. Oh, my God. Oh, wait.

You know, I went over one thing. What do you guys rate this?

What does everyone rate this on your own out of five?

600. I would give, I honestly will give this like a four out of five.

What? Yeah. I'm sorry. You wouldn't give it a five out of five?

No, I think there's some moments that could be jooshed.

Oh, well, yeah, it's like so politically incorrect.

If 2009 me would say like a 600... today me i agree with your four yeah because of that see i got mad at you yeah yeah i would say the same I'm gonna go ahead and keep the racist and homophobic references, and I'm gonna give it a five.

I'm gonna give it a four. I love that. I'll give it a four.

Because you know what? If it wasn't Diablo Cody, I might be a little pissed, but I know she doesn't mean any of it.

So I'm fine with all of it. I don't mind it.

It's fucking funny. It's really fucking funny.

She didn't know about cancel culture yet.

She didn't. You're very true. Yeah, I rated this a five on Letterboxd a long time ago and then I rated it back again.

I was like, yeah, this is still a fucking I feel like I'm doing it all over again.

I forgot to rate it, but I will go and rate it a four.

Yeah, we got to bring it back. Bring it back.

Guys, this was seriously fucking amazing.

This was a blast. This was amazing. My face hurts from smiling.

It was fun to be in one of your episodes and not be in my car listening to one of your episodes.

I know, right? Honestly, like, I know I've said this on our podcast so many fucking times, and I've said this to you guys in general, but...

You guys are the reason that I started a podcast.

It was my two main... were you guys in the horror show?

I was like, I love the horror movie, just shitty talking aspect of the horror show. and I love the fact that you guys talk exactly like they do like exactly like I do in my in any fucking given day but about true crime and I was like talking to Brie I was like I want to do a horror movie podcast but I think we have to do true crime too I love that.

I love that so much. Do it all. I was really drunk when he told me.

And usually if he tells me shit when I'm drunk, I'm like, yeah, okay, I'll agree.

And he's like, okay, but when you're not drunk.

It's going to be a different thing. And so he told me that he was like, so I'm going to remind you.

And I was like, yeah, dude, do it. We're going to start this fucking podcast.

And here we are. And here we are. And I'm so fucking glad you did.

I'm so stoked about it. I'm really fucking happy we did, too.

Like, it's been a great fucking time. Because we got to do this.

Almost been a year. And then not like a month later, you guys messaged us and I was like, hold on, literally my favorite fucking podcast. just messaged me like, what is happening?

I was like, this is not real. And I sent it to Bri and I literally started crying.

I was like, this, this is not real. Like, I don't think I was at work and like the messages were coming in all fucking stupid.

And I was like, what the fuck is he talking about?

Like, what's happening right now? And, like, finally, like, I got home and, like, everything was fucking loading and I was like, oh, my fuck.

Oh, my fuck. We love you guys. We do. We love the fuck out of you guys.

We love you guys. What a fucking honor that you guys are like down to do this with us.

Dude, we feel the same about you guys. We are fucking morbid soup.

What is up? Morbid soup. We are bicoastal BFFs.

Yes. Oh, I love it. We gotta get the necklaces from Claire's.

We're icing. We do. We really do. I am honestly so down for that.

I am 100% into that. We have to get the same exact ones from Jennifer's body though.

And we have to like put some fake blood on them.

Yes. Put some blood on it. We have to paint some fake blood on it.

Just get red nail polish so it stains. Yeah, that'll work.

Bree's like, don't sacrifice anybody. for the making of the biffs the making of the biffs the biff clan isn't real unless we sacrifice someone the biff clan I love it Seriously, guys, thank you so fucking much.

This was the greatest time I've ever had in my life.

I never dreamed that when we started this podcast, something like this would happen. that I would even talk to any of you.

And now I talk to Ash every single fucking day, pretty much.

We're straight up best friends. I love this.

This is gold. This was amazing. I had to take a step back and take in this moment for what it is.

Because my nerves, literally I woke up this morning and immediately I sat up and I was like, fuck we have to record today and this was like what fucking like 10 hours before we recorded it yeah I was so nervous all fucking day.

Oh my God. I texted Bree. I was like looking forward to this.

I was so excited all day. I was so excited.

I've been excited about this for so long.

Literally, I didn't have, like, any issues, and then right when I woke up this morning and I started on, like, you know, the notes and everything, and I restarted the movie, like, seven times, I kept backspace, and I was like, stupid.

Stupid, stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Never.

So, guys, go ahead and plug yourselves. Oh, plug.

We get to plug ourselves. We get to plug ourselves?

All right. Wait, is that when we say our things?

Yes. Oh, okay. You can plug. You can find us on Instagram at... morbid podcast hit us up on twitter a morbid podcast send us a motherfucking gmail about how much you liked this episode morbidpodcast.gmail.com Check out our website. morbidpodcast.com Join our Facebook group.

That Facebook group on Facebook, that's Morbid Podcast.

And I think that's it. Do it. You won't.

And if you guys don't want to find us, which I guarantee you don't, you can find us at Soup podcast on Instagram, also on Facebook.

You can email us at whoresoupatyahoo.com and You can find me and Bri on Letterboxd.

She is at WhoresoupBri. I am at WhoresoupCaleb.

What the fuck else do I plug? Um, your other podcast.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. How come you're always the one reminding me that I have another podcast?

I never remember. So I have another podcast with my buddy Roland.

It's called Floor Popcorn, Next Level Opinions.

Yes, it is a douchey name. Yes, get over it.

We do other movies there. Me and Bri cover horror movies and true crime and on Floor Popcorn we just cover whatever the fuck we want whenever we want hell yeah i love that let's get it the world is your litter box I don't know how to end this.

I love you guys. We love the hell out of you guys.

I love you guys. We love you so much. We finna go out to Massachusetts one day.

Yes. We'll take you to Salem. We'll do that one day soon.

Honestly. Yeah. Not around, not around Halloween time, because that's when that shit gets expensive, you know?

No, I was going to buy a ticket for you guys' first live show, and then this chick got my car towed, and then the ticket was like $500, and I was like, I can't do it.

What I have to say about that is FDB. FDB, I love it.

You know what? I watched all of it. I acted like I was there.

Exactly. You'll come to one someday. Someday.

Very soon. It'll happen. Because you guys are doing so many live shows.

Go buy fucking tickets to their live shows.

Seriously, they have so many. Go to them.

Don't be a douche. Go do it. Do it. You will. so i think that's it what what do we say at the end of episodes are we saying anything You're usually just like, fuck you, goodbye.

And I'm like, bye. Right. We can say ours.

We can just be like, we hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it.

Soupy Soupy Wait, Ash What? You have to do one of your don't be.

Yes, I love the throat clear. I have to turn around. um wait but do we have to do the thing first yeah We hope you keep listening.

And we hope you keep it. But don't keep it so weird that you get abducted by a fucking satanic indie band where Pete Wentz is not the lead singer and they take you out to this little devil's not corner and then they fucking... hack you up while singing 8 6 7 5 3 0 9 and then you fucking become a succubus and you start eating all the people and you even eat colin even though he was such a nice boy And then you go to the pool and you fucking take your best friend's boyfriend and you eat him too and it's really fucked up and it's not okay and you can't be eating your best friend's boyfriend and then she rips off your fucking Claire's necklace and she fucking throws it to the floor and she box cuts the shit out of you and her mom runs in and she's all upset and then she had a fucking roundhouse kicks the lady and then just she kills everybody and she kills everybody and don't keep it that weird yeah I fucking love it I have to breathe.

Was that okay? I probably just woke up your children.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. And this is Horseshoe.

It's in the motherfucking books. Oh, my back.

Oh, my God. I'm so hungry right now. I could eat a succubus.

I'm not making pizza. What? It is 1147.

You're not making me pizza. I'm not making pizza.

Can I microwave the Mama Celeste pizza in your freezer?

Sure. Lit. I should probably stop this, huh?

Oh, yeah. If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

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Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.

[A Nostalgic Deep Dive into the Cult Classic 'Jennifer's Body']-[Morbid Soup Dissects Jennifer's Body]

📋 Summary

The Cult Classic: A Nostalgic Revisit to 'Jennifer's Body'

The Diablo Cody Influence

Marketing Disasters and Misogyny

Character Breakdowns and Trivia

Iconic Scenes and "Salty" Dialogue

Conclusion: A Lasting Legacy

🎯Key Sentences

📝Key Phrases

📖 Transcript