Today's episode is about money.
Yes, about how to talk to your kids about money.
This is an episode I have benefited so much from listening to.
Because money is one of those topics that, of course, is important to educate our kids about.
But most of us weren't talked to directly about money, so we often don't know where to start.
For this episode, I brought in money expert Alexa Vontoba.
Alexa is many things.
She's the founder and managing partner of Inspired Capital.
Prior to Inspired, Alexa founded LearnVest in 2008 with a goal of helping people make progress on their money.
She's an investor in good inside.
She's the New York Times bestselling author of financially fearless and financially forward.
And she just had a brand new book come out.
Rebel Girls.
Money matters.
A guide to saving, spending, and everything in between.
This book is as applicable to boys as it is to girls and honestly,
it's equally applicable to parents.
I'm Dr. Becky and this is Good Inside.
We'll be right back.
Let's be honest, parenting is expensive.
And I hear all the time from parents that there are so many things they want to do.
That just don't fit into their budget.
And it can feel kind of powerless.
What else can I do to have some extra cash to show up as the parent I want to be,
to give my kids the experiences they want?
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Find out how much at Airbnb.com slash host.
So this is the episode that everybody didn't know they always needed.
I really, really mean this where I get so many questions from parents about allowance,
about chores, about entitlement, about gratitude, and underlying all of the things is money.
And it's one of these topics that I feel like parents were all me to under-equipped
to talk about it with our kids, even though it is such an important thing in our lives.
So let's just start with you just wrote a book about how to talk to kids about money,
how to talk to girls about money, how to empower girls around money to become women
who are kind of fearless financial leaders.
Tell me about that and what kind of sparked your interest in doing that.
Sure.
One of the things that really occurred to me, money matters so much.
And the name of the book is literally called Money Matters with Rebel Girls.
And it occurred to me that actually helping people in their 20s and 30s is really about fixing money mistakes.
It's, you got into credit card debt, you didn't realize how missing one bill hurts your credit score.
And now we're playing defense.
We're fixing problems.
And Becky, money is such an important thing.
It is not something that we need a worship.
It's not something we should ignore.
It's simply a tool that helps empower our lives.
And what very much occurred to me was it's still not taught in schools.
How is that possible?
And I finally said, I've three little kids.
I have to go do something about this.
If somebody else isn't going to do it, I'm going to.
And so I wrote the book.
And something shifted inside me.
And I realized I'm like, we're helping kids play offense with money.
And simply by teaching some really important basics that honestly, a kid as young as first
grade can fundamentally get, you can empower their lives and change their lives, candidly,
because if you have control over your money, you have a very different life.
And so something shifted me.
And I said, I guess I got to go do it.
Yeah.
So, you know, if I think about what I still remember, even just a little bit of a school,
kind of the words like sign, cosine tangent, like I don't actually know the formulas, but
I know that was a big part of my learning.
I feel like in some of those classes, how do I learn about money?
Like it just would be a little more.
Cosine just doesn't come up that often in daily conversation.
I mean, it just did.
I'm actually giggling so much because I'm trying to remember the formula.
My head, but you're right.
It was like jammed into our brain.
What if they just took that one day?
High pot news over opposite side?
I don't know, something like that.
I mean, I can triangle my way out of anywhere.
But if they would have taken that one class, that one day and just put 30 minutes of basic
financial literacy, you can change a kid's life.
It's really that simple.
And so I think that's what we need to do is teach kids about money.
It's really important.
Yeah.
So this is going to be that lesson for parents.
And this is really going to be a tool they can then use to talk to their kids.
And I think it's really also a form of intergenerational change to say my kids will be empowered
from the start with knowledge about money.
Like you said, I love that there's a lot between worshiping and ignoring.
And I think that's exactly where we want to be.
And probably one, the reasons kids worship money is actually because no one actually talks
to them about how it's a tool in their lives, right?
That's right.
So, okay, let's start with some money basics.
And I love that in the first chapter of your book.
So actually have some mantras for kids and I am known as kind of a lover of mantras.
I love a good mantra.
So I had never considered mantras around money, but I love the way you go through these.
So can you share some of these money mantras with us and really also why they're really
valuable?
Yes.
So this is really important.
And there's a study out of the University of Michigan.
And here's just the punchline.
And Becky, so much of it matches everything about you and good inside and your parenting
principles, which is tone around money, kids absorb as young as five.
What does that mean?
If in your house money is something that is positive and upbeat and matter of fact and
on the table and just a simple conversation that you have almost unemotionally or slightly
to the positive versus toxic, stressful, wrought with anxiety, kids absorb that and that
is often the relationship that they mirror to money.
So I had never met somebody in my career and I have talked to tens of thousands of people
that has said to me, I feel awesome about money.
I feel so relaxed about money.
It's never happened.
We all, even both you and I sitting care money worries us.
It stresses us out.
It is there.
But I even think to like my little kids, I remember the teacher saying to the whole class,
hey guys, you're going to go home and tell your kids that you love math.
If you didn't tell them you love math, Becky, you want said to me, if you just sort of
teach kids, I'm good at hard things.
You taught me that and I say that all the time to my kids now, you're really good at hard
things ever since you were little.
You want kids to feel safe around money and there will always be people with more.
There will always be people with less money does not equal happiness.
So you nailed it.
There's that really healthy lane in the middle that we want our kids to have.
So you parents seem to figure it till you make it.
Even if you feel stressed about money, don't let your kids see it.
You need to be matter of fact.
You need to keep a positive attitude.
We have bills.
We pay them.
We can pay them and kids will mirror that and they will show up as healthy adults with
money.
So I want to share some of the mantras that stuck out for me just because I know parents
like, well, what are these?
And what I love in them is that there's a lot of capability and I think that's a big
theme for you.
We want people to feel capable around money.
It doesn't mean they won't feel stressed.
You can feel stressed and capable.
You can want more and feel capable.
Money is something I can manage.
Money is a tool that helps me live my life.
I will be strong and thoughtful with my money.
Amen.
I mean, those are the three mantras that if you have your child, say them and feel empowered,
you can reshape how they think about money, which is money is something that I can manage.
Money is something I can manage.
Money is a tool that helps me live my life.
I will be strong and thoughtful with my money.
And that's how you want your kids to feel about money.
Yeah.
So I want to model something and then you can critique me.
It will be a little role play.
So I'm thinking I've never talked to my kids about money and it's true.
I mean, it's all around us and it's not like they don't know what the word means.
But I've never really had a conversation.
I feel like if I'm just going to say, hey, mantras are on money, then I'd be like,
mom, that's so weird.
What?
This is coming out of the left field.
So I'm going to model something and then you come back to me.
Hey, you know what?
Something we've never really talked about money, just money.
I mean, I think you know what it is.
But we haven't really talked about it.
Tell me, what do you know about money?
Because I know you have knowledge.
Like so I'm going to step out of the role play.
Is that a good place to start just to kind of information gather?
I think that's a wonderful place to start is get inside their head, understand what is
their current prism around money?
How do they think about it?
And what comes out of their heads, I'm guessing will surprise everybody actually.
I think so too.
And what I want to add in here is when our kids share information or share associations,
it's important not to shut them down.
So it might be like, oh, money is the most important thing in the world.
And the more of it you have the better and we don't have enough money.
And it's so easy to say, what?
Who talk you that?
I've never said that.
And what are you talking about?
No kindness is the most important.
Whatever we want to say, right?
But when our kids share something, I always think it's just a window into their world.
It's a window.
We can take the things our kids say so literally.
But if they say something like that, even to say, well, I'm so glad you shared that with
me, right?
I wonder, where have you learned that?
Is that school?
Is that from us?
And just information gathering allows us to actually then, I think, Alexa share so many
of these mantras, right?
Oh, that's so interesting that you think that about money.
You know what the things I've been saying to myself a lot about money is just money is
something I can manage, right?
You can work in instead of, quote, teaching it directly, right?
We can even just work it into a conversation.
You know one of the things I've been thinking, money is so many things, but money is really
a tool that helps me live my life just like other tools.
It's one of the tools we have.
And I think just to give parents a way in, just start by checking in with your kid.
A lot of them to say whatever they're going to say, you don't have to undo it.
And then some of these mantras can be something you incorporate as like a light share instead
of some kind of deeply didactic kind of moment.
That's right.
That's exactly right.
And I think you can even say, here's what I say to myself about money.
Here's how I talk about money to myself.
And we really model our parents in so many ways.
I think one of the reasons why this book means so much to me is for some parents, you're
learning about money right now to teach your kid about money.
And that's okay.
You can go on the journey together and say, here's my mantras.
And I'm learning about some things.
Let's learn together.
And so it can also be something that you do with your child to say, let's understand credit
scores, let's understand interest rates, let's understand why investing is so important.
And the math is simple.
It's second grade math.
So we all can do it side by side.
Let's learn together.
And I just want to double down on that.
That's how I've used it in my own house.
I actually think that's the way we all learn best.
Like if I'm learning how to cook, I don't really want to learn from some super, super professional
chef.
It's just, it's too intimidating.
Right.
It's too big of a gap.
People actually learn best from people who are just a little bit ahead of us.
That's it.
And I think using that with your kids, I've said to my kids, there's this book and I kind
of want to like look at it together.
Not as an om reading it to you.
More like we're actually learning this together because no one actually taught me this stuff.
So let's go through it.
Maybe we can read a couple things.
I might ask you some questions.
You might ask me some questions.
And really learning together is so connecting.
It's so deshaming.
And it's actually a much better way to absorb information because there's no shame.
And I think maybe the scary thing for us all to say is that all of us, and again, if
you're one of the humans out there that feels a plus plus about money, please call me.
I want to hear from you.
But we all feel a little shame about money.
We all do because there's just all there was always someone, many people that had a lot
more.
And I think that's a really important thing that we stripped from this next generation
Becky, which is to start from a place of the goal of life is not money, right?
The money actually back you one thing that's really helpful.
Money was literally designed as a tool because we couldn't carry peltes around.
We were bartering in peltes.
You needed milk.
You needed to get shoes from the guy who makes the shoes and the farmer who makes the
milk.
And you couldn't carry huge peltes around at one point because it just became literally
too laborious.
And so that's why we invented money.
There are simple little things to conduct and it helps us all barter and share because
we can't create everything that we need to live life alone.
We eat our community.
So money is a tool.
It's a tool that helps you live your life.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's talk about money goals.
You talk about helping kids set money goals.
What does that mean?
And what are the steps of doing that?
So I think one of the really important things with kids is to realize that let's take us
as grownups Becky.
You want to buy a house.
That's a goal.
We'd like to buy a house one day.
Okay.
Well, how do we get there?
What's the math?
What do we need to save?
And teaching kids how to learn how to set goals is really important because for the rest
of their life, every day of their life, money will be there and it will matter.
And so sitting down and learning how to set a goal and then figuring out how do you achieve
it.
And so we're part of the habit we want to build.
And money is about habits.
It's really simple and you can start those habits as young as 3, 4, 5 and starting to
just build those habits in.
So sit down with your child and say, what is one thing that you think you need and
what is one thing that you want?
And let's first learn the difference.
What is one thing we need?
And you know, take my little guy.
He needs braces.
He's little.
We need braces.
Okay.
Well, so we need braces.
How much do those cost?
How are we going to get there?
And then what's one thing you want in our household?
It's a new Lego set.
All right.
That's what you want.
It costs $80.
Let's start saving for it and helping them set these little goals and then figuring out
in our house, we have we have allowance and I actually want to rebrand the word allowance
because I think the word is such a weird one.
But that's the goal.
That's how you think about it.
And then matter of fact, simple, I've been the really little, I like clear jars because
they can actually see the money go in and see it grow and actually that they're learning
math more money.
It's growing.
And as they get a little older, you can build charts and you can help them fill it in
and make it really interactive with the whole culture.
Just teaching them that you have to put some money away every time you get a little bit
of money to save up for these things.
And it's also really important in this world to be living where money is magical right
now.
Think about it Becky.
Amazon boxes arrive magically.
Mom and dad bump our phones to get out of the cab.
We don't even pay when we get out of an Uber.
They don't see the dollars.
They don't see the money in the way that we all did with our parents.
Like I understood that every time we left a dinner table, there was money put on the
table.
They don't see it.
It's magical.
So you need to make them see it.
Make it concrete.
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I want to talk about a group of kids that I'm particularly passionate about.
Why?
Because I think these kids are some of the most misunderstood kids in the world.
I see these kids as deeply feeling kids and the world tends to see these kids as oppositional,
defiant kids.
What are the kids I'm talking about?
They're the ones who have explosive meltdowns.
They're the ones who tend to yell, I hate you.
Go away when you know they actually need your help.
They're the ones who will trip and fall and then blame you even though you were not
around them at the time.
These kids are misunderstood because they're seen for their difficult behaviors instead
of or their underlying core struggles.
And because of this difference, I really went to work a while ago and created a completely
different approach for these kids.
An approach that parents tell me leads to the first time they've ever understood their
kid and then the first time they've ever seen productive change in their home.
I want to make sure you know about my upcoming live, deeply feeling kid workshop.
You're going to get an approach that makes you say, oh my goodness, this is my kid and
then you're going to get a set of strategies that actually work.
First things first, follow the link in show notes to see if your child is a DFK and
see exactly how we can help.
All of it is available within membership at goodinside.com.
I can't wait to connect with you inside.
On the topic of allowance, I know people, you know, different opinions, tying it to chores,
is that what you do in your house?
Do not, how do you think through that?
We have basics of our house, there are part for the course, it's part of our family unit
where you have to get yourself dressed in the morning, you have to put your clothes in
a hamper, you have to make your own little, I mean, my four year old, now five year old,
she makes her own bed, she's like, I mean, it's not made in a way where you and I would
make it perfectly, but she's putting into a mepper, that's not what we pay for.
It's above and beyond.
It's, hey, can you help break down the extra boxes that came?
Can you help mom clean up a really big spill?
Those are the sort of things at earn extra money in our household.
Mm-hmm, I don't try to be so rigid about this, different things work for different families,
right?
In our family, there's an allowance, there's chores, they're totally separate, right?
So I think there's so many different ways to do this and every family kind of knows
their kids and their values and what works, right?
I think for me, when the things I saw in my private practice, as kids got older in certain
families, parents would say, my kids, you know, essentially saying something to me like,
well, how about you get a pay me if I pick up my towel, right?
And you're like, oh, how did we get there?
Like, none of us want to get there, right?
And there's other families who say there's a list of things that kids have to do for chores
and that is related to their allowance.
And we don't find ourselves getting to that situation, and if everybody did, we change
it.
So I just want to empower parents listening to say there's no one right way.
No one's totally cracked the code on allowance and chores and trust yourself that you can
try something that feels right.
And one of the things I think that is the ultimate rule of being a parent is you are the pilot
of the plane.
So whatever you do as a parent, remind yourself, wait, I'm the adult, I can kind of always
change direction if, you know, the winds blow a different way and you can, you know, do
allowance in, you know, in a way that you hadn't done before.
Amen.
And that's exactly right.
And I think the one key big takeaway here is you want your child to start seeing money,
you want them to see it grow, you're helping them as it gets, as they get even a little
bigger, put it in a bank account because they can watch the balance grow.
They're learning compounding interest as early as 5, 6, 7, 8.
That's really powerful because they're like, wow, if I leave it in there, it's growing
the bank pays me 5%.
Oh, that's a mate.
So that's the goal and also to make money not magical because right now they don't see
it.
So you need to make them physically see it.
Make money not magical.
What age should a kid get a bank account?
So I really think that, I mean, ideally you start a savings account for your children
the day they're born and grandparents and, you know, in our household, I'm like, we
don't need one more toy.
If you want to do something, why don't you put a little extra in their savings account.
And I do do that pretty regularly.
So I would say as early as, you know, literally their birthday.
But as they get a little older, as they are 7, 8, 9, I want them to see it.
I want you to log in on your phone, let them see the balance.
In our household, we have our kids college savings accounts, they're 529.
Our kids see it.
And we do a little check in almost every quarter where they actually can see that it's growing.
My daughter understands investing now.
She's like, oh my gosh, my money grows when I sleep.
Yes.
That's, that you're getting part of being a shareholder of a company is that when those people
go to work, it's helping you make money.
That's what investing really is, helping them understand that.
And it's just those little powerful tools.
So I think digital accounts really 7, 8, 9 and you're the boss, you have the logins,
you're just letting them see it.
You know, one of the things in our allowance guide, right, that we talk about is so important
to make allowance work for your goals for your kids.
So a lot of the reasons why parents, I think, want to do allowance to some degrees, I want
my kid to get a sense of money.
I want them to know that money doesn't grow on trees if they want this sticker thing they
collect or these cards that when they say, oh, I want that, that it doesn't, like you
said, just kind of magically appear that there's a process that they might have to wait,
right?
And so one thing that I always encourage parents to think about when they say, well, how
much money, you know, should I be giving my kids a week is, okay, well, is there something
your kid kind of wants to buy that is at the level of, I don't want to keep buying this
for my kid.
And I want them to kind of understand that there's a process to it and saving.
Well, then if that's true without a doubt, the allowance should be at an amount where there
has to be waiting built in.
So if they, I don't know, want something that's cost, let's say it's $10 allowance should
only be in an amount that they would have to wait a certain number of weeks to even get
that because if they get allowance, then immediately can go to the store.
That's not actually in line with, I think what you and I know is actually helpful to humans,
which is you have to work, you have to wait, you have to watch it grow and a bucket.
And so just thinking again, every family is different, but how is this actually going
to teach my kids in real life experience, the values I actually want them to have.
Now instead of plucking someone else's allowance policy, I have a policy that I made that actually
works for what I'm trying to achieve.
That's exactly right.
And the key there is we're teaching kids smart habits around patients and patients is
one of the most important things to make sure that we teach or hurt.
It's a virtue.
I'm not, I'm working on it, but I'm also what I've heard.
I'm strongly working on it too, Becky.
I think one of the really big keys here, so let's take retirement, right?
For both you and I, we are saving for retirement.
First, I like to reframe things like big, big, big efforts that our kids put in.
So instead of calling it retirement savings, we think of it in our household as retirement
spending.
You are delaying gratification today so that you can do more exciting things tomorrow.
And I think that's a very powerful shift for a child to really understand.
And I think of my own every time that money comes out of my paycheck and goes in my retirement
account, I'm not like, I'm saving.
I'm like, yay, I'm bigger spending later.
And I think that's an important way to think.
And for our children, there's got to be the right amount so that they have to learn to
wait.
That is the habit that we're teaching them, which is every time you make any money, your
little allowance or a little bit of babysitting or your first summer internship, you know,
waiting at table, that money, we're going to take a chunk of it.
We're going to put it away for the future so that you can store up for things you're
more excited about.
And the other part of that equation while you're teaching them to wait is you're also,
life is about choices, Becky.
And guess what? None of us will ever have so much money that you get all of it.
It just there is no number where you get all of it because there's always more.
And that's the, that's one of the hardest parts about money is you can always want more.
Yes.
So you're really teaching them to make tradeoffs of what do they value and what do they
want?
And it's just really, do you really want that water bottle on the straight or could you
wait three minutes till we walk in the front door where water is free?
Yeah.
And you're teaching them to make smarter choices.
And you're teaching them going back to capability.
Like I'm capable of waiting.
I'm capable of, and you know, my big thing is I'm capable of tolerating frustration.
That's what kind of, you know, good decision making is generally all about is tolerating
the frustration of wanting and not having in the present moment.
And so allowance and these policies really gives the kid the right experience their body
would need to be like, wow, I did want that for three weeks.
I did want that for a long period of time.
I did make a choice not to have something now.
So I was more likely to have something better later.
And we can't expect our kids.
People always say me like, when, when is my kid going to be grateful?
When does my kid got understand that you have to wait for something like when they're
eight, when they're 18, I was saying, like age has never just delivered skills.
It's what are we doing from five to eight?
What are we doing from eight to 18?
And if the experiences we structure for our kids, shows them through living through
it.
And the tunnel is by being in the tunnel, right?
That, oh, wow, I waited.
And by the way, I wind and I cried and I complained.
Our kids aren't going to say, thank you for this allowance and structuring it in a way
that I have to wait three weeks to get my favorite new toy.
No, no, no, they're going to win the whole time.
But that's fine because their body is learning.
That's right.
Oh, look at me.
I did wait three weeks.
I didn't like it.
Guess what?
No one likes to wait.
But I tolerated it.
And I got through it.
I think that was one of the things that I learned from you, Becky.
That was my most exciting light bulb moment was frustration tolerance.
That's what it is.
We need to teach our kids frustration tolerance.
And listen, we all want everything right now.
And we live in the magical world where Amazon does deliver most things right now.
And we need to teach our children, especially around money, that you're going to have to
wait a lot.
And in fact, if you're in your 20s trying to save for home, you're going to be working
hard for that, saving for your kids college.
You're going to work hard for that.
And I think really learning to celebrate the little milestones along the way.
Look, wow, your savings account, it has $50 in it now.
It used to only have 30.
Doesn't that feel good?
You can celebrate those mini milestones with them before they get to go to the store and
get it.
And they really understand it.
And one major breakthrough we also had in my household.
I mean, let's be honest, we all go to Target and your children just like, oh my god,
it's like big savages.
Like throwing the things in the cart and my four year old was like, I mean, literally,
we were like pulling the thing out of our hand grips of life.
And I finally had this like little light bulb go off where I was like, that toy is $32.
But she isn't totally understand numbers yet.
So I held my hand out like I was hugging a beach ball, a huge, and I go, that toy is
this many quarters.
Does mommy have that many quarters?
And she just got it.
She was like, no, you don't have to.
And have 100 quarters in your pocket.
And all of a sudden she got it and she could manage the frustration because she understood.
And so sometimes it's about helping them also understand money and basic little terms
that they can process.
And she was no longer mad that she couldn't have the toy because she got it.
Mom didn't have 100 quarters in her pocket.
Yeah.
You know, one of the things that came in as a question when I was talking to people
about doing this episode was, you know, a parent saying, I don't crawl up with any
money.
And I was a frustration tolerance, you speak of, it was just built into my life.
Like my whole life was wanting things and like, knowing I couldn't have them.
And I think it contributed probably to a lot of my drive, you know?
And my kids, they were growing up in a very different way.
And they'll often say to me, but we can afford it.
But why can't you just get that?
But you got it from me last week.
And you know, one thing that makes me think about is, I don't know if other people said
it too, but I remember the interview with Shaqille O'Neal, right, saying to his kids,
like, we're not rich.
Like, I'm rich.
I'm rich.
Like, we, you are not rich.
Like, let me just be clear, right?
And what I think though that means in practicality is if you want your kids to grow up with a sense
of capability and frustration tolerance and a lack of expectation of immediate gratification
around their wants and needs, and you do have the financial means.
You do have to structure things in your home in a mindful way, right?
If kids are just getting everything they want because theoretically you can afford it,
we can't expect our kids to actually have an empowered relationship with money because
it has all been magical.
And then my guess is, there will be a day when they're out of your house where they're
like, what?
Like, wait, I don't, I actually don't have the money to do this anymore because my job
basically discovers my rent and my basic necessities, right?
That's exactly right.
And that's why the conversation is so important in all different households, which is, first
of all, mom and dad right now are paying for everything, right?
Yeah.
And when you're 18, you're going to leave this amazing cocoon and you're going to be on
your own two feet building your own life.
And I want you to understand what things cost.
And I think so a little bit of that Becky is opening our kids eyes to just the math that
is happening around them.
I think that is so important.
And again, at all income levels, at all households, hey, we just went to McDonald's.
That cost $32.
Yeah.
Hey, we just rented the movie off of Disney.
That was $20.
Hey, we went to Disney Land.
That was $1,000 helping kids understand that.
And again, age appropriate.
If I say that's my four year old, she is not going to process that perfectly.
My nine year old gets that fundamentally.
And actually one of the things I've noticed now that we talk about it, when we go in the
grocery store, she'll say, you know what, mom, I don't need that.
And she now appreciates the trade off.
And I have to balance it with, I don't want her nervous about money either, right?
Yeah.
So I say, mom and dad have enough savings for these things, but I prefer to put that extra
money towards Disney.
And I think you do too.
So let's make sure we get what we need.
And again, you're just helping them make those choices so that when they are 18 and they're
in the grocery store and they're paying for everything from their own, you know, income
or at college, they understand trade offs and choices.
And they're happening to be make almost 10 money decisions every day, minimum.
Hmm.
Almost every single day.
Yeah.
And you want each of those choices to be a smart one.
So I was shopping with my daughter the other day.
You know those moments where like you're like literally none of those clothes fit.
Like it just happens one day.
Like you know, she's been growing.
I'm like, oh my god, she's everything now.
And she sees these shorts that she likes and there's like a whole rack of them in all
these different colors.
And then below them, there's another rack that look kind of similar.
Like I could tell like they're the material is not quite as great, whatever.
She sees the top ones and she tries them on.
And she's like, I love these shorts.
And then she's looking at all the different colors in the racks and she goes, this is,
she says, this is such a scam mom.
This is what she said.
She looks at the one, she says, these are half the price.
Like why, why would someone buy the top ones?
And you and I know there's, there's brands and brands, right?
Like charge more, but she luckily actually isn't so consumed by that.
And she says to me, so I could get two of these for the same price as one of these.
And it was this amazing moment where I was like, that's actually right.
Like that is a choice.
And we have those choices all the time.
And that's what she said, well, I was going to get right one, maybe two shorts, but can
I get two of these and she picked the less expensive one.
And what I think kind of even set her up for that is I think we underestimate the power
of just, I notice, I'm noticing.
And then asking our kids, so, you know, oh, I'm noticing that we just made 12 cookies at
home.
And, you know, it costs this amount for this ingredient.
Sir, if you're like me, you might just be like doing the slice and bake.
So it costs this and much for the slice and bake.
And look at it, look at it.
This store, the cookie is the exact same price as the whole kind of cookie log.
And I'm noticing that.
And then I think adding, huh, or just, just that.
I think it's so easy to add.
There doesn't make sense.
Or right, but sometimes in our life, we do just want someone to make something for us,
right?
We don't have to kind of shove these lessons down our kids through, but I feel like
with my kids, the more in their presence, I've just noticed, I'm noticing this.
Huh, that's interesting.
I noticed that.
They start to be kids like my daughter did, yes, right?
Who?
Notice.
And kids are smart inherently.
And when there's not shame involved in so much of value judgment, they do tend to be kind
of intuitive thinkers.
And I really feel like I watched that play out with my daughter at the story yesterday.
I love that so much.
And I think there's a big part of money, which is just about street smarts.
And I would love to say that I could take money away and that there could be a decade of
your life where you don't have to ever think about it, but that is not true.
It is there every day of your life through every decade, whether you're 80 or 18, it's
there every day.
And you're really empowering your child with street smarts around money.
And one of my other examples, which is a good one for everybody listening, water, water,
water in our house is free.
Comes out of the tap.
We can drink it.
If you go to the corner, you know, here in New York City and you buy it from the vendor
on the corner, it's $2.
If you go into the center of Central Park where it's on a really hot day, sometimes it
costs $5.
Don't get me started on Madison Square Garden.
And if you go to a next game, it can cost $10.
A $15, maybe.
And they don't even let you bring the top in.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Amen.
And letting your child notice that.
And it's just in all of a sudden.
And it's the same water.
And all of a sudden, your children are shopping like, should we bring a water bottle
on?
When we walk out the door, they start making smart choices on their own.
That's right.
Amazing.
And so I think that the noticing is a really powerful tool, Becky.
I agree with you.
And then jogging them with a few examples and letting them start to make their own choices
as early as you can.
And I want to want to want to have one more of those conversations that I know I had
recently in my home.
And again, it was so powerful to kind of, you know, again, I always come back to teaching
our kids how to think, not what to think, right?
And how to think is much more about questions than lectures.
So we are on the cross-town bus.
And there are times we get in a cab or get in a new bar.
There are times I walk, definitely, you know, I'm a big lover of the subway, but unfortunately
it doesn't go across the park.
And so we're on the cross-town bus.
And we are talking about how much the cross-town bus costs versus in Uber these days, which
is, you know, really puts you back.
And again, to me, the conversation that's powerful is not, well, here's the difference.
And so the bus is better.
Because then there's like, I feel like sometimes there's this morality and that actually gets
in kids' way of learning.
And I said, it's really interesting.
So what kind of times does it really make sense to use the bus?
And like, what would we have to do to make that possible, right?
We kind of talked about how we have to carve out more time.
We looked at the bus schedule, so we weren't waiting for 10 minutes.
And then I said, you know, to my son, when would it make sense to get in a new bar?
Like, when do you think that's worth it, right?
And he, he said, well, what if you were really late for a doctor's appointment?
And I said, oh, so that's a time where we may say, oh, we didn't, we didn't remember
to look at the bus schedule.
And yeah, that might be a time to do that.
And then he said on his own, he's like, but maybe on the boy back, you could take the bus.
You know?
And again, I think it's just opening up this conversation and having kids start to think
money and spending money is something I'm capable of thinking about in a nuanced way.
And I think the whole conversation was, I don't know, 45 seconds.
Like it wasn't some like hour long, you know, deep conversation.
But I think those moments are so possible.
And just all the parents listening, I want you to know that these can be really low lift,
just kind of questions, you ask, and know that you're really increasing your kids financial
literacy, right?
Right from the start.
Exactly.
That's exactly right.
Well, thank you for being such an amazing partner in really treating kids with respect right
from the start about the life skills they need.
You and I are so aligned.
Like let's give kids the life skills they need.
And no, I just want to, I just feel bad.
Like anyone whose career is around cosine, cosine tangent, like obviously those skills are
important to for me, they haven't been as relevant as money, but no shade to cosine,
sine and tangent.
Just just just just just get that out there.
I don't need those, I don't need those people coming after me, you know, so two things
can be true.
Those things matter.
Money matters.
Your book, money matters is amazing.
And thank you for this really important conversation.
Thank you so, so much.
And again, I think all of your principles to parenting apply to money, they really do.
I hope you got as much from that episode as I did.
It is so important to be empowered with scripts and strategies so our kids can grow up understanding
money.
One quick thing I want to add, if you're a good inside member and you haven't already
seen our allowance guide and our chore guide, you don't want to miss it.
The allowance guide even comes with an allowance worksheet so you can work through it with your
kid and make allowance work in your family.
Both of them are linked in the show notes.
Thanks to Airbnb.
Remember, your home could be worth more than you think.
Find out more at airbnb.com slash host.
And thanks to Mommy's Bliss.
Check out their new Pain and Fever Medicine at Mommy's Bliss.com.
Thank you for listening.
To share a story or ask me a question, go to goodinside.com slash podcast.
Or you could write me at podcast at goodinside.com.
Parenting is the hardest and most important job in the world.
And you deserve resources and support so you feel empowered and confident for this very
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Good inside with Dr. Becky is produced by Jesse Baker and Eric Newsom at Magnificent
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Our production staff includes Sabrina Farhi, Julianna and Kristen Muller.
I would also like to thank Erica Belzky, Mary Panico, Brooke Zant and the rest of the good
inside team.
And one last thing before I let you go.
Let's end by placing our hands on our hearts and reminding ourselves even as I struggle
and even as I have a hard time on the outside.
I remain good inside.
