Hi, welcome back to Eat Your Crest Podcast. I'm Jisoo.
And I'm Crystal. Today we have a couple of Gen Z words, actually.
One I think is funny and relatively self -explanatory, and the other one, I think it took me a little longer to grasp what it was.
Yes, but I've heard it enough now to kind of get it, to the point where I could almost reason it out loud.
So the two phrases we have today are, type shit and a Because it sounds so stupid to say them on their own.
But a is literally like A H H.
And type shit, it can be said as like, type shit or kind of trailing off like type shit.
I feel like these words make way more sense too when you kind of see them typed out.
But like you said, I feel like saying it out loud sometimes feels so unnatural unless you like, force the slang accent a little bit.
Yeah, as pretty funny, because it's like a direct replacement for ass, this can be used in so many different ways.
So remember one of our first slang words was dead ass, right?
You could look, you'll be like, deada.
Damn, I don't know about that one.
I think the really common one that I see a lot is when someone is describing someone else as goofy.
They're like, oh, this is one goofy, bitch. Or like goofy guy.
Yeah, I think it might originate from the culture on tiktok where certain words are censored to get around the censorship.
I think you can't say kill on tiktok.
so people get around it by saying something like unalive.
And so uh, I think is a result of that too.
Not that ass itself is censored on TikTok that I personally know of.
But it's just maybe like a funny way to get around this potential bad word. And then it has turned into a slang word. Oh, I like that theory.
I think my theory was a little bit different.
I was wondering if there is like a specific region in the US where maybe they don't pronounce like the back consonant of a word and they kind of trail off like that so then sometimes when slang gets popular I feel like the region dialect also gets popular in a sense so maybe it could have something to do with that, too.
That could be true.
The only thing about this is I've never heard people actually say this one in person.
It's always typed out, right?
Hhh? Yeah, I think I've seen people use it but it's always young people.
So I can never imagine people like our age using it.
For sure. It's like teenagers in a mall getting interviewed by some dude.
Oh my god. Yeah I would feel too unnatural saying, ah.
So our other word is type shit.
We coupled this one with A H H because it's similar where it kind of trails off at the end.
It's like type shit like S H I I but it's a little more confusing because the meaning behind it is more like, I agree or I feel you.
Yeah, I feel like an example of that usage of type shit could be like someone saying, oh, I really love to listen to Travis Scott.
I don't know, some random rapper people like to listen to.
And then the other person in the conversation would be like type shit, type shit.
Be like, yeah, I also like to listen to it.
But I feel like it's so unintuitive because type shit to me is kind of a way to describe something and not necessarily a verbal yes or no. So I think the original usage or like the more intuitive usage of this word could be this rapper released this new album and it's a vibey type shit or something, you know like that?
Yeah, that's all so fucking stupid, but basically, I feel like, that should be how it is used.
But the way the new generation uses it is just they use it to mean totally or like kinda Yeah or something.
So I don't know it's just weird dude, I think I've like brainwashed myself into Understanding it because I do hear people say it more often lately Sometimes when they say I'm like, oh, I kind of get it.
I Guess the roundabout way is let's go based off your original example.
Like oh, I like Travis Scott Yeah type shit type shit.
So they're kind of saying like I like that type of shit, too That is true, but it's just like… are we really extending language this far?
But I know with this one, there is a specific song that's associated with it, so I actually don't think the song is like the originator of the slang but I think it just capitalizes off of how popular type shit is.
This one specifically is like a future Travis Scott, Metro Boomin, Playboy Carti song.
And when that song released, that's when I started really seeing type shit on social media.
But it's honestly so funny when you Google this phrase, because the results that come up are just like, what does it mean when a boy says type shit in text?
Oh my god, I saw one that was like a link to a tick tock video that said how to use type shit correctly.
There's also like a summary that says it could mean kinda but also could mean totally and could also be vibes.
Almost a lot of things!
It's universal at this point.
Yeah, it basically just means everything.
Well moving on from our slang words that continue to confuse us unfortunately.
Type shit. today we wanted to talk about parents within a relationship context how they factor in and how we deal with their presence or non presence in relationship involvement yeah I feel like as much as a relationship is a very romantic and intimate thing that happens between two people it's hard to ignore the impact that family can have on a relationship.
And it can be something so innocent, like, oh, hopefully I can impress my SO's parents.
Or it could be something way more complex and nuanced that you might have to work around a little bit.
So I am pretty interested to dive into this topic.
But I want to kick this off by starting with something that I feel like is commonly said, which is that choosing a partner can mean choosing their family as well.
So what do you about this concept?
Do you think this rings pretty true?
Honestly, I feel like it does ring true, especially for me because I think my values prioritize family a lot.
Family members and connection with family.
So that translates to when I look for a partner, I kind of expect that we'll be you know hanging out with the parents a lot, building that relationship, having a good connection even with both sides of the family.
Yeah, I think I feel similarly too.
I think in the past as well as now one of my priorities is frequency of seeing family and how often we can spend long days with them and what not.
So that is definitely big for me too.
I will say it's kind of funny because when you get to that stage of a relationship where you really start to build that relationship with the parents, like you said, there's an element of it that takes me back a little bit to when I was young, even though we're like full -fledged adults now.
But it kind of reminds me of when you're young and you go to like your friend's house or like your family friend's house or something and you learn a lot about how that family operates and how their parents are and what that family's rules are.
I feel like in a sense it's a similar thing to when you start to meet your SO's family.
That's true, cause like no family is gonna be exactly the same.
So there's definitely some new perspective and eye opening that happens.
they're like, Oh, I see this family operates this way and that differs from my family.
But maybe this family operates in this other way that is very similar to how my family operates.
So there's definitely lots of similarities and differences.
And it's crazy too, because as someone who's mostly dated people who are also Chinese, it's interesting to see how similar yet different other families in the same culture can end up being.
that's a really good point, because I feel like one of the things we've talked about maybe a long time ago now but it was something about how we as like 1 .5 or second generation kids, we tend to attribute a lot of what our parents and our family customs are to our leather land culture so like a lot of what my parents do i'm always like oh it's because we're korean that's why we do this, but then you meet other Korean families or other Chinese families or whatever and you're like, oh, it's not like a Korean or Chinese thing.
It's like, an our family thing like that I feel like in itself is so odd to realize.
You're like, oh, this is actually just my mom and dad's personality, I guess.
But yeah, I think back to the original point, I'm definitely someone who tries to visit family or like be with family during holidays.
So I think that is another display of my values.
and so because I tend to lean towards doing those kinds of things, I hope that my partner would also find value in spending time with their family, and I would never want to stop that from happening.
I think that's a good point.
It's actually not necessarily about familiarity, I guess, or what you're used to, so even if your SO has a familial culture that's very different from what you're raised in, it doesn't necessarily mean it's not a good match. I feel like it is more like aligning your needs and interests together.
So a common example I've seen, you might have certain gripes about your family or how your family likes to hang out or something like that, but you're able to fulfill that need from your SO's family.
So I feel like when things like that work out perfectly, it's just so ideal.
On this topic, do you think it would be a deal breaker if your SO wasn't super close to their family, but they still valued yours in the way that you wanted you know like spending the time and getting to know them and that kind of stuff you know i feel like if i was younger i would say that it would be a deal breaker for me but i think the older i get and the more that i see i actually don't think it's a deal breaker because like you said if my s1 is willing to put in the time and effort and feels a lot of genuine appreciation for my parents and my family then that could be what fulfills our family
aspect i guys in our life, so it doesn't necessarily have to be whatever circumstance you grew up in is your ultimate fate, I feel like there can be a lot of good harmony, and a synergy that comes from like bringing two people's separate lives together.
But I will say that it's not always rainbows and butterflies.
I feel like there are plenty of times where there might be a little bit of friction that someone might have with their SOs parents, or maybe it's the case that your SO has a difficult relationship with their parents, and that leaks into your relationship.
So things like that I think are not uncommon, just something that you have to work through.
Yeah, yeah, I think that would take a lot of contemplation about what the right decisions are for you and your relationship.
But I do think it's totally fair to ultimately have to end a relationship because of just difficult connections with the parents, sometimes as difficult as it is that might end up being like the best decision but yeah as you've said it really just depends on the situation and being able to sit with your decision.
okay but what if what if your parents disapproved of your significant other?
man honestly I feel like the relationship that I have with my parents that would be a deal breaker for me if my parents approved of I think it would be really hard for me to move forward. I mean maybe if I was actually in the situation, I would feel differently, but just on a theory level, I don't think I would be able to move on past that.
Yeah, you know I think that would apply to me too because my parents are usually so chill.
So if someone I was dating made my parents tell me specifically I don't like this person, and like I don't think you should be with them, I would really take note of that.
this person has something that bothers my parents so much that they felt the need to like explicitly tell me and bring it up right yeah and for me too i feel like one i'm an only child so my entire family is my parents you know and then two i think there are a lot of really independent people out there i don't think i would necessarily call myself super independent and i just i'm someone who prefers to see my parents a lot so then if they were to have a better relationship with my SO, who I would presumably want to make a husband, that would make it really complicated.
So I think it just would be a little bit tough.
I guess it's difficult for us to truly say because we very luckily never had to experience these.
And I feel like once you're actually in the moment of this happening, there's a lot of different factors and thoughts, and you just don't know where you might end up.
Yeah, that's a really good point.
I'm trying to imagine if I met someone who I was like, okay, this is the love of my life but my parents ended up not being very fond of them.
If this was like the perfect person, I guess I would prioritize them over my parents because philosophically, I think it should outweigh your parents decision because this is someone you would spend the rest of your life with.
That's fair. You're probably gonna be with them closer to like 24 seven ish.
Right. versus your parents who you more likely aren't going to be living under the same roof with once you're married.
Or, you know, you might not even be in the same state.
So, ultimately, the majority of your time is with this significant other.
So there's just like so much to think about.
I know I feel like this is actually why there is a sweet spot of when you should meet your as so as parents or introduce your S .O.
to your parents because in an ideal world, everyone loves each other.
It's all very happy and nothing but pleasant.
But to be honest, I think it's very easy for people's opinions to sway you.
And for someone like me who I am very easily swayed by other people's opinion, I think it would not be doing my S .O.
justice to introduce them too early.
Because what if your parents don't end up liking your so then you might prematurely be like, okay I don't know that might be a bad sign blah blah blah But in reality, you might not have given this relationship a fair shot I think the sweet spot to like meeting the parents needs to be I don't know I guess like at least a year is what I would assume Mmm, okay.
But what if you have a really strong feeling?
And you're like I feel like it would just work out if they met them early would you just go ahead and do it yeah I guess so I mean when you're actually in this situation all you want to do is be like oh my god this for so wonderful like I wanna introduce them to everyone in my life but I don't know maybe the smarter thing or like the wiser thing to do is to vibe check how things will go yeah because I will say some families are less formal in that way and they're more okay with meeting someone it's fine if it doesn't work out etc versus other families I feel like things have to be very formal
and structured so it probably is just different family by family too yeah that's a fair point I think also age probably matters if this is someone you started dating in you know as early as high school or college you probably will end up waiting a little longer for them to meet your parents because those years are so tumultuous and usually invite a lot of possible change the timeline then is different than say if you're 25 to 30 and you're much more stable and are looking towards you know the next steps of your life then maybe that timeline could be a little more expedited well that's actually
a crazy point because my last like dating experience is my husband who I met and started dating in like 2014 2015 so you could clearly see it's been a long time yeah and I think I think when you're that young, your parents' opinions kind of matter more, I would say, versus when you're older, like, you already have your defined tastes, and you are very sure of yourself and might feel way more independent as a person.
So then maybe all of this parental stuff is weighed a little bit less.
You almost are more equal with your parents.
It's not like, oh my god, here's my SO.
Please approve of them.
It's more like, hey, this is my SO.
I want you to meet them.
Right. Right. I do want to ask, because clearly meeting the parents is a big deal, regardless of age.
Do you think there are any tips that you might have or things that you've learned to try to impress parents when you meet them?
Ooh, dude, I don't even know.
I guess the classic, I think this is kind of like an Asian cultural thing, is like bring a small gift if you're visiting their home.
It doesn't have to be anything like crazy.
something really simple like snacks or like fruit.
And I think it's even better if it's something that can be shared around the table.
So things I've done in the past include bringing moon cakes when it was kind of close to the mooncake holiday.
And then that way we could all eat it for dessert after dinner around the table.
You know, it's nothing terribly expensive.
So you don't want to make the host feel burdened about it, but they could also hopefully feel thankful that you brought something to show your thanks ooh that's a good one i feel like it is a simple tip but it really goes so far and i think what you said about the gif not being super extravagant is also pretty key actually because you don't want to be bringing in like a huge show stopper three -tier cake on like a casual family dinner or something and i don't know about other people's parents but personally my parents would probably be a tad put off by a really expensive gift the first time meeting
someone they'd be like oh is this person trying to like prove something or what is the meaning of this and my parents are pretty chill so they're kind of just like if you bring like you know some fruit that's totally fine or just something that shows a bit of meaning but nothing too over the top I feel like another tip is I mean this is half just common courtesy but is to just come with a very polite attitude and be ready to impress, and I feel like impressing is not always bragging about your skills or trying to show off, but impressing is just being very well -mannered, right?
Like giving a good handshake or a hug if you prefer that depending on what you have to kind of like, sluss that out, I think.
And also just being like interested in what is happening around the dinner table, asking questions.
And I feel like putting in the effort is very obvious and always very appreciated, especially by adults.
But I guess also, I didn't clarify, I think the gift is more for like visiting a person's home versus maybe if your first meeting is just at dinner at a restaurant, then you might not need to bring a gift necessarily just because you're in a public space and you don't want to like make a scene.
Yeah, kind of stuff.
and I was thinking as you were talking through the concept of being polite, I also try not to be on my phone when I'm with these people, especially if it's like at a restaurant and I try to like keep my phone just away hidden silence, if it needs to be.
That way you can show you're fully engaged and happy to be there and excited to meet them.
I think it would look kind of weird if you're meeting them for the first time and you're just always checking your phone.
It's like, okay, are we keeping you for something?
Great point. You don't want to be an iPad kid on your first time meeting parents.
I think another thing too is dressing modestly.
Like I will say there are outfits that are more parent appropriate than others.
And it's actually not necessarily just like, oh, don't wear like a low cut top.
I feel like it's also just generally this isn't the time for you to be dressed to impress like fashionista, super fancy.
I feel like there's a way to dress nice without necessarily being the center of attention.
Outfits are a huge thing as well.
So true, oh my God, I'm just imagining like you showing up to dinner with like your esos parents and you sit down and you like slam this thousands of dollars designer bag on the table and everyone's just like, Um, okay.
Pull out your phone, you're like constantly on your phone.
This is like the worst first impression you could be making.
So you're absolutely right.
Like match the vibe of the restaurant at the very least it's a nicer restaurant.
Definitely of course dress up a little bit, but imagine dressing up for like just some random Chinese restaurant.
Bedazzled and everyone's like, I know.
And I feel like people can tell when you're wearing stuff that's uncomfortable kind of, if you don't feel super comfortable in like six inch heels, maybe don't wear six inch heels to dinner, things like that just like set yourself up for success and like, try to be as much of yourself as possible.
Because I think just as people our age can kind of see through that stuff, I feel like that skill to see through these things is just amplified when you're older, you know, comes with the years of experience.
So making sure you're dressed as comfortably, but nicely as possible.
I also think I guess on the flip side, like if you're the person with the parents at the dinner table, it's also kind of your duty to get the conversation flowing between your parents and your SO.
You know, making sure that your SO is involved, that your parents and them have a chance to like ask each other questions and talk about things Because it's pretty difficult to like, chat with new people, let alone your significant others parents.
So I think that is an important role.
I feel like it could be at the dinner table or before the dinner table, too.
So one of the things is if you know, either your parents or maybe your S .O.
is going to bring a gift, you don't want it to be awkward where one person is giving a gift and the other person is completely shocked and maybe potentially thinking like, Oh, shit, should have brought a gift so if you know someone's gonna do that you probably want to let the other person know too.
Things like that i think can help people feel more at ease and like know what to expect at the dinner and the other thing is maybe beforehand you want to prep the other person like just so you know this person has this kind of background you guys have these similarities so maybe you can bring these things up at the dinner table.
This dinner shouldn't be like a huge surprise for everyone and like improv you know like it's fine to kind of clue people in on their similarities or hot topics, so I think the prep work could be there as well.
My boyfriend told his parents that I'm kind of quiet.
My voice is literally quiet, and they're like, oh, thank you for sharing.
We'll pay more attention.
He also told me that one of his parents has a bit of a hard time hearing sometimes, so he was like, make sure to speak up, and I was like, okay, I'll try my best. I feel like as awkward as these things could be.
You just want to do everything you possibly can to ease the awkwardness and just make it a happy event.
I think another big thing too is us both coming from kind of immigrant families.
Language could also be a big barrier sometimes.
So if you have a parent that might not be as comfortable speaking English, you definitely want to, I think, show up with your best like translator ability.
So just making sure everyone is aware of that beforehand as well.
And I feel like you probably have more experience than me dealing with this where you kind of have to play translator sometimes.
How difficult do you think it feels to have to like kind of translate back and forth?
I feel like the translating aspect, just language wise, is actually not that hard. What I find really difficult is like knowing when to cut in and translate stuff.
Because sometimes, like what is being said is very simple.
Like someone might be like oh I ate here once you know that's like very obviously understood by a lot of people And then sometimes I'm like do I need to translate that or like should I just leave it as is So I think the timing of making the translations without making the conversation really awkward or like stilted is really difficult Oh my god, actually the funniest thing kind of happened So my brother has a girlfriend who doesn't speak Chinese and in my household that we speak a lot of Chinese just because my parents are like aren't English and that great so like one time it was all of us eating
dinner together like me my brother his girlfriend and like my Parents, and I think they were just so not used to the idea of someone who doesn't speak Chinese being with us like they kept forgetting to translate and I was like oh my god like this poor girl doesn't know why everyone's laughing so I was like trying my best to translate.
And you're right, sometimes you don't know, You're like, I'll just let that one slide.
You know, that one wasn't important, But I think the times I tried my hardest to translate was when everyone would like burst out laughing and I'm like, Oh, no, she's not in on the joke.
I need to let her know.
I will say it's actually super helpful when there's multiple people at the table helping to translate, and it's not just all on the eso because it can be really tiring and not just tiring, but sometimes it can cause like these weird issues where if you're translating a lot because there's a lot of, like, non -English being spoken at the table, you're just like not eating.
I feel like I've had times where I was, like, translating the whole time, and then I looked down, everyone's done with dinner and then I have, like, a full meal on my plate, so you know bless people like you who kind of step in to help.
I've been at dinners before where other people have had to translate for me, and in that moment I was like, oh my god, this is like a full time job.
Like, I need two minute breaks between each translation to get a bite of food in.
Then you're just like speed eating.
I could truly appreciate any friend who has helped translate for me before at the dinner table.
You're like, I'm just paying this forward. But you know, the language thing I think can be a bigger issue sometimes too.
It's honestly not so much like, oh, I can't understand what you're saying, because oftentimes there will be someone there helping to translate.
But sometimes it's kind of this thought of like, will this person ever know my parents' true personality?
Like I don't know how to describe it.
But it's just like when you're speaking your home language, like your mother tongue, you're You're just so much more comfortable and at ease, versus if you're speaking a language that you learned when you were older, you just might feel a little bit more insecure or like awkward. And I feel like those things kind of show in the language.
I will say that there are times where I'm just like, Oh, you know, it could be a completely different vibe if we were all speaking Korean or something like that.
Yeah, translation is hard. I guess the solution there is that someone has to learn the other language.
Did you know, but it's also just like the same issue swapped right?
One party must put forth some effort.
Or maybe both parties put forth the effort to try to learn the other language and then they speak like Konglish or like tinglish to each other.
Exactly. I do think this issue is something that gets more and more resolved, like the longer time that you spend with someone.
I think I've shared these stories before on the podcast, but there are times where James is like speaking to my mom who is not as fluent in English.
And they're just like having a moment and talking about very deep things without me there as a translator.
And I think at a certain point, you see someone often enough you learn to understand their like communication patterns and then you're just speaking to each other through your heart or something.
I feel like this is more of like an early issue, you know?
I'm just imagining walking by James and your mom and they're like speaking gibberish, but they totally understand each other and you're like They've developed their own language Like what is going on what am I locked in?
Okay, well how about Beyond meeting your SO's parents, what is it like to have your parents meet your SO's parents?
I mean, to me, I feel like this is an event, you know, like, this is a big deal.
And it's very formal.
And for myself and James, our parents first met each other during our college graduation, which at that time, we had been dating for three and a half years or so.
So it was like a decently serious time, I think.
And we organized a dinner at a steakhouse with both of our parents as well as James's grandparents.
I just remember thinking, wow, this is kind of like a pivotal moment in our relationship.
Because in the past, I had met his parents before, and he had met my parents, but parents meeting each other, I don't even know how to describe it.
I feel like it's like the true test of, is this gonna work or not?
Did you prep your parents at all?
I did I gave them kind of like a rundown of okay, this is like the background of James's parents This is his relationship with them.
This is his relationship with his grandparents things like that Just so like there are more conversation pieces Okay, that's interesting because for some reason in my mind I was like, I'll just let the parents duke it out if it works.
It works. I parents would share a common language.
And I guess in my mind I just think they'll probably start communicating at a level that's beyond me, so there's nothing I can do.
I guess I think of it more as like feeding them Hail Mary's if they run out of stuff to talk about.
You know, like post small talk if the conversation dies, maybe my parents would be like, oh Jisoo mentioned that James's dad likes to do this, so maybe when the conversation dies the Hail Mary could be like, Oh, Jisoo mentioned that you like to do this.
I also like to do it too.
So then there's like, some sort of, I don't know, hidden outline that could run off of but I think it also probably depends on your parents too, right?
Like, yeah, I think I have parents who like to be briefed but other parents like to just do things on the fly.
Yeah, and I think honestly what you said makes a lot of sense.
Like you probably want to tell them at least a little bit of their background so that they have some starting point.
It It would maybe even be a bit weird that like you've met your SSO's parents.
And then when your parents meet them, they just have nothing to say, they're like, do not, do not talk about us.
Like, true, true. And I feel like it truly could be very simple things like, oh, this person travels a lot or this person just got back from vacation at X, Y, and Z or this family used to live in the city.
And then it's just like easy jumping off points.
Yeah. Yeah, I am curious about one thing.
After your parents and James's parents met, have they ever like hung out after?
I think it's a little hard because a bunch of our parents live out of state.
It's not as easy to get everyone in the same country, let alone the same state, and coordinate all those times.
But if the timing does work out and everyone is in town, then we definitely do try to set up lunches or dinners.
years and it's always pleasant everyone is just like very nice so it's nice to kind of grab food and just chat and catch up.
I'm just always curious like I wonder if there's any and I'm sure there are but I wonder if there's any marriages where the in -laws become like best buddies.
That's interesting because I don't know I feel like the in -law thing is like a common trope in drama, right?
And I'm very fortunate to have amazing in -laws and I think my parents are great too But to get everyone to be like best friends is hard Yeah, it would have to be like a unique set of Circumstances where everything works out But I will say I have seen it on social media and in like my social circles And it's always really cool to see that happen I think it takes like every parent to be very extroverted and also like open for new friendships I think the closest to that situation that I've seen is both sets of my grandparents.
They actually knew each other before my parents started dating because they all were like professors at the same university or something.
So when my mom and dad started dating, my mom was just like, oh, I'm dating this dude from school.
This is his name. Her parents were like, oh, like professor so and so's kid.
and she was like, yeah, and I was like, oh, my God, like, at that point, you don't even need your parents to meet, they already know each other.
Yeah. Yeah. That's wild.
That actually reminds me of the episode that we just did with Hana, where we talked about her experience being a teacher and like knowing what the student gossip is, except the student gossip would be like your kid dating.
Oh, my God. Another teacher's kid.
I don't know how I would feel about that.
I think if it were me and my kids, I would kind of prefer them to be kids of people that I don't know, just so that there's no preconceptions that I might have about the family or something like that.
But I will say the ideal situation or maybe something that could be cool, is if my kids started dating a friend's kids.
That would be pretty cool.
Okay, the funniest thing I don't know if your family friends ever did this growing up But I feel like my family friends the parents were like low -key shipping the kids They're like, oh my god wouldn't it be great if these two got together and those two got together and they would like Very very gently like push it but nothing too serious cuz it's mostly just a joke But yeah, it was definitely there like I remember hearing it I was like the fuck they're just playing like make believe over like we're just their doll house or something Dude, so I honestly didn't think this was a real thing that happened
But recently my mom was telling me the tea on some pairings that were shipped within our like family friend cinematic universe I Was gobsmacked Oh to say the least. I was like what?
But I feel like that could be kind of fun, but I don't know, I think part of me is torn because maybe it's cleaner and more simple to have friendships be friendships and then familial relationships be a different thing so that you can enjoy both things separately without having to like mix and confuse the lines of what is expected.
That's true, like imagine your kid coming home one day and being like, Oh my god, that guy broke my heart, but that dude's parents are literally like some of your closest friends And you're like, dude, I need to have a talk with them.
Yeah. And then it becomes complicated because it's like, oh, you want to protect your kid, but to your friend, their kid is the priority to them.
So then it's like, how do you navigate those boundaries?
Like maybe it's just easier if you have like a polite and cordial relationship with your kids, Esso's parents, instead of having to do like, are we friends or are we in -laws?
Yeah. That's making a lot more sense.
it's just like less complicated you don't have to get too attached you don't have to like get pulled into sides you can just naturally stay on your kids side yeah I just keep it easy so I guess this sounds like if we were to have kids getting married we would probably probably not to try to be best buds with the other side's family, if that makes sense.
It's so convoluted.
I think you're right.
I think it's just best to have things live in separate buckets.
I don't know, maybe I would be tempted to be like, oh my god, we should all hang out.
I think maybe in the beginning, it's like cautious friendship or cautious arm's length.
And then as time goes on, you're like, oh yeah, this is for sure.
Then maybe it's easier to form a friendship then.
I don't know. Maybe it's the pessimist in me But I feel like I wouldn't want to be the reason that my kid and their so has like Arguments or something because what if all the in -laws are hanging out and then something goes south or something happens And then the kid is like oh like our parents Went through something not that this would be like common or even expected But it's like, do I even want to tempt fate and like risk that 1 % chance?
Like forget the kids who are getting married.
We're having our own drama up here in the in -law level.
Exactly, because you know, statistically, the more you see someone, like the more likely it is just numbers wise, that you might have something negative happen versus if you only see them like once every two years, then it truly is so easy to keep everything happy and like...
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
But I guess aside from like, the hypotheticals, I do think that it's decently common for families to have different values or different priorities.
I think that is a true risk of having parents meet each other, where it's like, what if there is a sort of clash?
Maybe not so much like a physical skrkuffle or whatever, but it could be like just ideological differences that eventually form into something?
So what do you think about that?
Do you think there's ideal ways that you and your SO could kind of navigate situations like that?
I think in my limited view, my first thought is mainly getting you and your SO's values down and aligned.
And then from there, you can start to talk about parent's values because I think Like the big values that you really talk about before you enter marriage is things regarding like finances, children, where to live and that kind of stuff, pretty big decisions.
And I do think those kind of have an element of your parents' values inherently.
You know, like some parents really want their kids to have children, for example, and maybe some parents really want their kids to live nearby.
I think once you get your own values aligned then you can start looking at the bigger picture and looking at any influences from parents that would potentially come up or cause conflict Damn that's a great point, because like you said it's so hard to separate our opinions or our values from our parents values because it's depending on your family so entrenched with each other but But I guess as long as you and your eso have a united standpoint, you can just report back to both sets of parents and say, Okay, this is our boundaries.
Like this is how involved we want you guys to be.
Or this is what we decided on our living location on children, etc. And then that way, you're not even inviting, unprovoked advice or like opinions, I guess, I think this can also be a trial, I guess, that you have to overcome, that will show how much you and or your SO can stand up for yourself if that makes sense.
Like if my parents really wanted me to have kids or something, but I was like, no, I don't want to have kids.
Do I have the ability to stand up to them and draw my boundary figured out from there versus if I were like to maybe plant is the right word where I just crumble and I'm like, okay, I'll have to change everything that I like originally wanted to do.
And then that would affect your relationship, ultimately, I think.
And I think it's also a way for you to see if your SO has your back and vice versa, too.
It's like when these strong opinions come, especially for like hot topic issues like finances or kids, like you said, are we able to agree on something and are we able to hold true to this thing that we agreed upon or is it something that's easily swayed based on external forces?
I think the opposite of that too is when you're having those conversations with your ESO on trying to align your values, it can be pretty hard. I think whenever you bring in family stuff, I think it gets really emotional and difficult to entangle emotion out of just like the issues that are being discussed, but are you able to have these hard conversations with your s so without it blowing up?
Are you able to talk about differences between your families without finger pointing or trying to rank whose family is better like things like that?
It could be, again a good test for you to see how you navigate disagreements or conflicts between parents.
Yeah, the more we talk about it, the more I'm realizing there's so many like intricacies to it.
But ultimately, if you're able to draw boundaries and have a backbone, I guess, a lot of this can hopefully be navigated.
To be fair, I think we've both been really lucky in that most of our experiences involving parents and SOs have been mostly neutral to positive.
But I do think talking it out we're realizing there's just like a whole world out there of different, you know, possibilities and routes that could happen based on different dynamics and who you are and who your family is, cultural, vacuum, all of this stuff.
So I thought it's pretty interesting for us to chat about our personal experiences and where our personal values lie and really think about low key the power you have in controlling how much importance a parent can have in your own relationship.
Totally agree. And I think you captured it perfectly by saying that we don't have a ton of direct experience in navigating conflicts and issues with parents, regarding relationships.
So I totally invite anyone who has direct experience with this to reach out to us.
We have email, eatyourcrestpod .gmail .com and we also have Instagram at yourcrestpod.
Feel free to let us know how your experiences have been in maybe gaining a little bit more independence or becoming savvy in navigating these difficult complex issues.
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We upload new episodes every Wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening.
And don't forget to eat your crust.
