Think about when you run into someone you haven't seen for a while, like an old neighbor or a previous coworker from a job you had years ago.
And in that moment, the conversation is warm and friendly.
And then, as you're wrapping up or getting ready to leave, that person says we should get together for coffee sometime.
And you smile and say, yeah, that would be great.
And then Nothing happens.
Days go by, maybe weeks, and then you start wondering, did they really mean that?
Should I have said something more?
Was I supposed to follow up?
Here's what's really frustrating about this, especially when these things happen in your second, third or fourth language.
It's not just about missing that one opportunity to have coffee with someone and you know this is true if you've ever moved to a new country, for example.
These situations they're about like you're stuck on the outside waiting for someone else to reach out first, always wondering if you missed your chance to connect with someone and start forming a friendship, Or maybe it's the opposite.
Maybe you want to invite a colleague to lunch, someone that you enjoy talking to, and you want to build up that relationship.
Maybe it's something you've been thinking about for days, but then every time you see them, you freeze and think what if I sound too forward?
What if they say no?
So you just wait and wait, and the opportunity passes again and again.
Either way.
In these situations, you end up feeling just alone, even though you're surrounded by people who might actually want to spend time with you.
Making plans in any language, but in this case in English, isn't just about knowing the right words.
It's about understanding what people really mean and knowing how to turn we should like we should meet for coffee sometime into real plans without second guessing or feeling doubt at every step.
That's exactly why today, I want to show you how to confidently make plans in English, so that you can stop waiting and start building the friendships that you want.
So in today's lesson, you're going to learn six simple stages for making plans in english, and you'll know exactly which phrases to use and when, including how to handle scheduling conflicts without feeling any stress or guilt.
And you'll know how to tell if someone really means it when they say we should get together or if they're just being polite.
In fact, this one insight will save you years of confusion, so I want you to stick with me.
But first, let's start at the beginning.
The first stage in making plans with anyone is initiating and checking availability.
Every single plan begins with a simple question.
Is the other person available?
This is how you open a conversation and find out if they have time to meet with you, whether it's professionally related or just for fun.
But how you start that conversation depends on one thing.
It depends on whether you already have a very specific day and time in mind or if you're just kind of exploring the idea.
You're being open and flexible in the conversation.
If you're going to check someone's availability and you already have a very specific day in mind, the most common way to ask about it is are you free on?
Are you free on Monday or are you free on February 23rd?
And then, if you're being more casual, more open and you just kind of want to explore the idea, you might say what are you up to this weekend or do you have any plans for the weekend?
Let's stop for a moment because there's one question i want to talk about the question what are you up to this weekend?
This is a very common and casual way to ask what are you doing or what are your plans, and all of these questions work well because they're casual and friendly.
You're not pressuring anyone to say yes, you're just opening the door and giving them space to respond honestly to you.
I want to show you quickly how this looks in action with a little dialogue.
Let's imagine two people, sarah and laura.
Sarah says hey Laura, are you free this Saturday?
And Laura responds with, yeah, I think so.
What's up?
Notice in that quick exchange how Sarah asks directly but casually about a specific day.
She's not pushing.
She's just checking availability.
And Laura's response with, yeah, I think so.
What's up?
Shows that she's open to hearing more.
And once you know that someone is available, then stage two is suggesting an activity, whether it's getting coffee, watching a movie or just hanging out with someone.
I want to share some phrases that work well at this stage, depending on how direct or open you want to be.
If you want to be direct and clear, you can try this.
Do you want to?
Do you want to go to a movie, get a coffee, visit the Met on Saturday or grab dinner?
And then if you want to sound more casual and collaborative, you could try this.
How about we?
How about we see a movie or how about we go for dinner?
Or I was thinking we could.
I was thinking we could visit the Met on Saturday.
I was thinking we could go to a museum.
All three of these options work well, but using something like i was thinking we could and how about?
We are softer, more relaxed.
They feel less like a yes, no question and more like you're brainstorming or thinking out loud together.
And here's something really important to understand here in english-speaking cultures, People often use soft, indirect language when making invitations.
You're going to hear things like maybe we could, or how about?
Even when they definitely want to do something?
Isn't uncertainty, it's polite enthusiasm.
And we do this because soft language gives the other person space to say no without feeling pressured.
It's really a way of being friendly and respectful at the same time.
So again, let's go back to Sarah and Laura to see what this sounds like in a quick dialogue.
After checking availability, Sarah might say I was thinking we could check out the winter festival happening downtown.
And Laura might respond with, oh, I'd love to.
I've been meaning to check it out.
Notice Sarah's phrasing there.
I was thinking we could.
She's using that soft, friendly language.
She's making a suggestion, not giving an order.
And Laura responds with real enthusiasm.
Now, what if Laura had responded differently?
What if she had said, let me check my calendar.
This expression let me check my calendar and get back to you is something important to know about because it's very common in English speaking culture.
And it does not mean rejection or lack of interest.
When someone says, let me check my calendar. they're doing one of two things.
First, they may genuinely need to check their schedule before committing.
Maybe they have other plans first and they need to confirm.
Or the second option is they just need a little bit more time to think about it.
Not because they don't want to.
They're just considering their energy, their workload, everything they have to do that week and other commitments they may have.
Either way, It's completely normal and polite.
It's not a brush off.
It's just how people manage their time respectfully.
Now, before we move to stage three, I want to talk about something that causes so much confusion.
How to tell if someone really wants to make plans with you or if they're just being polite.
Because here's the reality.
In English-speaking cultures, especially here in North America, people will often say we should get together sometime.
It was so good to see you.
And this is a warm way to actually end a conversation, like when you run into a neighbor at the grocery store.
And it doesn't always mean that they're ready to put it on the calendar.
It doesn't always mean that they're actually making a commitment.
And if you don't know about this, it's easy to end up feeling confused rejected, hurt or like something was wrong, when nothing at all is wrong.
When someone says we should get together, they're typically doing one of two things.
Number one, they're showing warmth.
They enjoy talking to you unexpectedly in the moment when you ran into each other, and they want to end that conversation on a positive note.
They're just being polite.
This is actually a friendly way to say goodbye without making any real commitment, or they genuinely want to make plans with you, but you won't really know which one it is until you see what happens next.
But I want to be clear.
This isn't about being fake or dishonest.
It's just how, Politeness works in English-speaking culture.
People use soft, warm language to keep interactions pleasant, even when they're not intending to make concrete plans.
So how do you know the difference?
How do you know if someone is being polite and warm or if they really mean it?
Here's the test.
Do they move on to specifics?
And let me show you what I mean.
I'm going to present three different scenarios to you.
Scenario number one is about being pleasant in social interactions, but with no future plans really intended.
So you shouldn't count on anything really happening.
And I want to show you what this sounds like in a dialogue or what you could expect.
So person A might say, it was so good to see you.
We should grab lunch sometime.
And person B says, yes, that would be great.
And then both people look at each other, they smile and they walk away.
They say goodbye.
No one mentions a specific time or day.
No one follows up with a next step.
The interaction, the conversation is complete and that's it.
It's just a pleasant, nice conversation. a polite way to say goodbye.
Now in scenario two, someone shows real interest.
They really want to make plans.
So in this case, person A says, it was so great to see you.
We should get lunch sometime.
And then person B says, I'd love that.
Are you free next week?
And back to person A, actually, how about Tuesday?
Notice the difference here.
In this case, person B immediately suggested a timeframe and Person A responded with a specific day.
Both people are fully engaged in making actual plans.
And that's what real interest in making a concrete plan looks like.
It shows up in specifics.
And now let's take a look at one more scenario.
Here, someone is kind of testing the interest.
You're not really sure if someone is equally as excited or eager as you are to make plans.
So here's what that would sound like.
Once again, person A says, it was so good to see you.
We should get lunch sometime.
And then person B responds with, I'd love that.
Are you free next week?
And then back to person A. Oh, I'm not sure.
Let me check my calendar and get back to you.
We've heard that expression before.
So in this case, person A is staying kind of vague.
They're not committing.
And this means that they may genuinely be busy and They're not really sure what their schedule is, so they actually do need to check their calendar before committing.
Or it might be a way of just waiting and then later they will follow up with you, either with a yes or a no.
Either way, in this case, the best response for person B is no problem.
Just let me know. and then leave it there.
Again, if person A is truly interested, they will follow up and they will make a plan, or they will follow up and politely decline.
So what does all this mean for you?
Well, there are three things that I want you to remember here.
First, if someone says we should, but doesn't follow up with logistics or specifics, that's okay.
You can let it go without feeling rejected.
They meant what they said. in the moment.
There was genuine warmth.
It just wasn't a plan.
And then second, if you actually want to make plans with someone, you can test their interest by responding with something specific.
Something like, I'd love that.
Are you free next week?
Or that sounds great.
What about Friday?
And then see what happens.
See if they respond with specific details back to you. or if they stay vague and uncertain.
Either way, you have an answer.
And then third, I want you to remember that that phrase let me check my calendar isn't a brush off.
Again, sometimes people genuinely need to double check.
The key is whether they follow up with a clear yes or a no.
And if they don't follow up at all, you can take it as a soft decline and move on.
The most important thing to remember here is that real interest shows up with specific language.
And once you understand this, you can stop wondering or worrying about those conversations when you're not sure if you said something wrong.
And instead you can just focus on connecting with the people who really do want to spend time with you.
All right.
With all that background information in place, once you've agreed on an activity and you know that someone's available, it's time to move on to stage three, which is determining the time and place.
This is where you get very specific on where you're actually going to meet.
These specifics turn suggestions into a real plan.
And here are some phrases you can use for this. how about with the time and then the place.
For example, how about 12 o'clock at the new place on the corner?
Or the next one, does Tuesday at 12 work for you?
Similar to that is how does Tuesday at 12 sound to you?
Or simply saying, let's meet at 12 noon at the new place on the corner on Tuesday.
Once again, let's see exactly what this looks like in a real dialogue going back to Sarah and Laura.
So once they've agreed that they're both available and they show interest in doing something together, Sarah might say okay, perfect.
How about 430 on Friday?
We could meet at the entrance.
And then Laura responds with, actually, does 630 work for you?
I'm done with work at five.
In this case, both Sarah and Laura are proposing specific times.
They're negotiating the details together.
And this is real commitment.
This is how you know that you're actually making plans.
But, as we just talked about, sometimes you might propose a specific idea and the other person keeps things vague.
Let's take a look at what that sounds like in a dialogue.
Again, Sarah might say, how about 430 on Friday?
And Laura might say oh, i'm not sure about friday, i'll have to see how things go.
What that means is that laura isn't ready to commit.
She's not ready to commit to really making plans now.
She may genuinely be unsure about her schedule and again may need to check, or she may be politely declining without directly saying no.
When this happens, here's the best way for you to respond without making it awkward.
You can simply say, oh, no problem or no worries.
If Friday doesn't work, just let me know.
And then you leave it there.
If Laura is truly interested, she will suggest an alternative day or she will confirm that Friday works perfectly fine.
But what if you're the one who needs to respond to a proposed idea?
There are three ways that this can go.
You can accept, you can decline or you can suggest an alternative, and i want to give you the exact language to do all of that.
So let's start with accepting and confirming.
When someone proposes a specific day and time to meet with you and it works perfectly well for you, this is when you confirm with enthusiasm and you kind of lock in those plans so you might say perfect, sounds good, or that works for me, looking forward to it.
These are short, simple and enthusiastic and that's all you need.
But let's say the proposed time and day don't work for you, or maybe you just don't really want to do it, maybe you're not interested in meeting with this person.
In these cases, you'll need to know how to politely decline and in english-speaking culture, when we decline politely, we don't give long explanations.
Instead we keep it very short, clear and polite.
For example, actually that day doesn't work for me.
Or actually tuesday at noon doesn't work for me.
Or, to be honest, i have something else that day, or it looks like my day is pretty busy.
Each of these examples is a soft refusal.
They don't end the conversation harshly.
And instead, they actually signal that not this time, but maybe another.
Now I know from my students that declining or saying no can be a bit of a challenge.
So I want to show you exactly how this might sound in a dialogue.
Going back to our two example people, Sarah and Laura.
So maybe Sarah is interested in getting together, but the proposed day and time just don't work for her.
So she might say, Oh, to be honest, 6 30 PM doesn't work for me.
I'm meeting a friend for dinner.
So Laura responds with, oh, no worries.
Maybe another time.
Then I want you to pay attention to that example that Sarah shared.
She gives a very brief reason, but she doesn't apologize repeatedly or give a long explanation.
She's honest and direct.
It's very simple and polite.
And then Laura responds with understanding.
Now, of course, if you are genuinely interested in making plans with this person, it's just that day or that time didn't work.
You can then suggest an alternative.
And here are a few common ways that we do that.
You might say, oh, I'm busy on Friday, but what about Saturday?
Or I'm busy on Friday this week, but what about next week?
You could also say, that doesn't work, but how about next week?
Or how about Tuesday?
And finally, if plans unexpectedly change, you could let someone know by saying something has come up.
Could we meet on Tuesday instead at 3pm?
Now, here's what I really want you to remember here.
If you are not interested in making plans with someone, a soft decline like maybe another time is enough.
And if saying no in English is something that never comes easily to you, I totally get it.
I find it hard as well.
And I actually did a whole lesson on this topic about how to say yes, no, and maybe in English.
So if you want to learn more about that, I'll share a link to that lesson in the notes below.
All right, let's take a moment to review where we are in this process of making plans.
At this point, you've identified whether both people are available.
You've expressed enthusiasm.
You've agreed on an activity and a time and a place.
And that means it's time for stage five, which is finalizing and committing to plans that you've made.
This is where you make it totally official.
You confirm that the plans are set and that both of you will remember them.
You'll both be there.
So, when you're ready to do that, here's what you can say put it on my calendar, or done it's on the calendar, see you then?
These are all simple, short and clear, and that's all you need at this point.
And then finally, there's one more optional but very helpful step.
Stage six is about following up.
This means that you're checking in reconfirming, before you meet.
So this could mean sending a short message or text message the day before or even a few hours before.
And doing this helps confirm that nothing has changed and it allows you to coordinate any last minute details, like a quick change in the timing or location.
So when you do this, here are some phrases you're likely to see, hear, and that you can also use.
First still on for like, still on for getting dinner, or still on for going to a movie, or Hey, just checking that we're still good for, just checking that we're still good for this evening at five, or that we're still good for tomorrow at noon.
And then if something happens, if you're running late, Here's what you can say.
Hey, I'm running five minutes late.
I should be there soon.
Or I'll be there about 15 minutes later than expected.
But what if you need to cancel?
What if something totally unexpected happens?
Maybe you were really excited to get together with this person and then your son or daughter gets sick or something happens at work and everything is chaotic.
The moment that you need to cancel.
It's important to let the other person know as early as possible.
All you need is a brief explanation.
For example, you might call or send a text message to say, I'm so sorry.
We had a disaster at work.
I'm not going to be able to get dinner tonight, but I would love to do it next Tuesday instead.
So you want to propose an immediate alternative to show that you're not canceling because you're not interested.
You're canceling because there really is something unexpected that happened.
With that in mind, let's do a quick recap on everything that we've talked about when it comes to making plans in English.
The first goal for today, of course, was to give you the language that English speakers use.
This is the language you're going to see in text messages and emails and that you'll hear in conversations.
And I want you to use that language as well.
The second goal, and maybe more importantly, is to understand the patterns and what's expected in this kind of dance when it comes to making plans.
Once you can read all the signals, making plans becomes easier and more natural.
So once again, here's the pattern that we've covered today.
First start by initiating the conversation and checking availability using simple casual questions.
Then suggest an activity using soft, friendly language.
Once someone shows equal, genuine interest, get specific about a time and place.
Or if someone is proposing something to you you'll want to accept, decline or suggest alternatives.
Then finalize and commit to the plans.
And lastly, follow up to confirm.
And most importantly, I want you to remember these key points from today.
Real interest when it comes to making plans shows up in the specifics.
Vague language usually keeps the situation vague and indicates lack of interest.
And lastly, you learn that that phrase, let me check my calendar, isn't always a rejection.
With all of this in place, the next time that someone says we should we should get together.
You'll know exactly what to say in response and you'll know whether they really mean it.
You'll be able to detect whether there is genuine interest or they're simply ending the conversation with warmth and politeness.
So now i want to hear from you i'm very curious which of these stages in the process of making plans do you find the hardest in English?
Is it taking the step to initiate or is it declining when you don't really want to?
Maybe it's reading these signals.
Go ahead and take a moment to share with me in the comments below.
I'd really love to hear from you.
And, of course, as always, if you found this lesson helpful to you, please take a moment to subscribe or follow wherever you're listening or watching from today.
Thank you so much for joining me, and I look forward to next time.
