Hey Proof listeners, I want to tell you about Ooni's outdoor pizza ovens.
I'm absolutely obsessed.
I bought one last year and have been making restaurant -quality pizza in my backyard ever since.
And now I'm jealous because Ooni has introduced two bigger, better, and smarter pizza ovens.
The portable 14 -inch Co2 range from Ooni is the next generation of outdoor gas -powered home pizza ovens.
The other new arrival is the made -for -entertaining 18 -inch Koda 2 Pro.
They're both powered by innovative G2 gas technology for improved heat distribution and a consistently epic pizza every time.
There's nothing like baking in a 950 -degree Fahrenheit oven.
This temperature range lets you cook everything from burgers to a whole roast chicken, not just pizzas.
You can even get real -time temperature readings direct to your phone from the Bluetooth -enabled Ooni Connect digital temperature hub, which is sold separately.
The CODA II ranges really are bigger, better, and smarter.
Learn more at Ooni .com.
That's O -O -N -I dot com.
This is the way it feels to move through summer in Lululemon. Iconic Align softness without the front seam.
For our smoothest look and feel ever.
Summer won't know what hit it.
Stretch your limits in the nonstop flexibility of the new Lululemon Align No -Line Pant in select stores and at lululemon .com.
Now more than ever, Lowe's knows you don't just want a low price, you want the lowest price.
and with our lowest price guarantee you can count on us for competitive prices on all your home improvement projects if you find a qualifying lower price somewhere else on the same item we'll match it lowes we help you save price match applies the same item current price at qualifying retailers exclusions and terms apply learn how we'll match price at lowes .com lowest lowest price guarantee.
My wife and I have been cooking together for 40 years.
Our first shared kitchen was in Italy.
It was the spring of 1984, and I decided to crash Lauren's junior year abroad for a few months.
We navigated the Florentine food markets together, sharpening our language skills and expanding our culinary horizons.
Back at her apartment, we cooked a lot.
Fresh pasta, risotto, pesto.
But more than any single recipe, we learned the power of food to connect us to each other.
Time spent cooking and eating is about so much more than basic sustenance.
This week's story comes from a storyteller, and food plays a big role in his relationships.
You might remember Aaron Pang from a story he produced for us called Dumplings in Iowa.
It follows Aaron's road trip with his mom from his home in San Francisco to Iowa City as Aaron was starting graduate school for creative writing.
As Aaron travels with his mom across the country, he moves further away from his comfort zone.
Aaron worries about whether there'll be good Chinese food in Iowa, and will he be able to find community in a new place?
That episode is in many ways Aaron's love letter to Chinese food and to his mom, whose home cooking sustains him in the early days of the move.
Today's episode takes place a couple of years later.
Aaron has graduated from his program and we get a glimpse into how he's fared since dumplings in Iowa.
Today on Proof from America's Test Kitchen, how Aaron becomes full -on love, I'm Jack Bishop.
Stay tuned. Learning through play starts with Lego Duplo.
With Lego Duplo, toddlers can develop real -life skills while having fun with colorful bricks made just for them.
Large, easy to grip, and safe to explore.
When children express themselves with Lego Duplo, they build patience, problem -solving, and empathy.
See your child learn perseverance and self -expression with everything they imagine and create.
Visit lego .com slash preschool to learn more.
Hi, welcome to IKEA.
Uh, this is my college campus.
Correct, but I see you're on IKEA .com ordering some college items. My daughter's room is pretty bare.
We need a lamp, some comfy pillows, her favorite stuffy.
Dad! With pickup options, we've got what you need to conveniently order IKEA.
Literally anywhere.
Sweet. More time for gaming.
And studying. Wait, where are you going now?
Got to show the ultimate frisbee team how easy it is to order from Ikea.
Get Ikea whenever, wherever, however you want.
Choose from thousands of pick -up locations, affordable delivery options, and more.
Amazon One Medical presents Painful Thoughts.
I've been on hold to make a doctor's appointment for 23 minutes now.
The automated voice has told me 47 times that my call is very important to them.
Hmm, I'm starting to think that they don't think my call is important at all.
With Amazon One Medical 24 -7 virtual care, you'll get help fast without having to remain on the line to make an appointment.
Amazon One Medical.
Healthcare just got less painful.
Aaron Pang and Connie Chen bring us today's story.
I'd spent the whole first year of grad school being the only Chinese person in my creative writing master's program.
I remember the exact feeling It was my last day visiting Iowa.
I was just accepted to the nonfiction writing MFA at the university.
Sitting in on a class, I wrestled with the idea of actually moving to this small town in the middle of the country to be a writer for the next three years.
I was so excited that I might not be alone anymore.
The class ends and I walk up to her, turn on the recruiting charm that I learned through my business fraternity in college and gave her my number.
I said, hey, if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them, perhaps over breakfast or a trip to the Chinese grocery store.
He took my phone and saved his contact under Aaron Pang?
I guess I'll find out later.
My flight's in the afternoon, so maybe we just do breakfast. Is there a good place?
Yes. Meet me at Hamburg Inn at 10 a .m. I picked this quaint diner known for political gatherings rings where local and national politicians courted the vote of the Iowa caucus.
On the menu is classic diner fare, including a mean hash brown.
I picked this place because it captured the feeling of Iowa.
The walls were plastered with yellowing photographs of politicians digging into pie shakes, which are slices of pie blended into soft syrup.
Presidential candidates like Ronald Reagan, both Clintons, and Barack Obama have eaten here.
I walked into the diner and spotted Aaron at a worn leather booth and slid in.
The waiter came immediately.
Connie hadn't looked at the menu yet, so I ordered first. Two eggs over easy, sausage, biscuit with gravy, and hash browns.
Extra crispy. You have to get them extra crispy.
The crust that develops on the griddle really changes the identity of the potato.
Instead of wilting spineless bud, bud, the heat builds a crunchy structure worthy of breakfast. Extra crispy is the only way to order the hash browns.
I'll have the eggs benedict with hash browns, I told the waiter.
Now, I was trying to get her to matriculate, to come to this school, to close the deal, and I wanted her to have the best experience.
So I turned towards the waiter and said, Make those hash browns extra crispy.
The waiter took the menus and Connie looked up and made intense eye contact.
And we immediately dove into a no -BS conversation about the pros and cons of this writing program.
The food came while she asked me all of these questions, and I told her how this program has given me the space I needed to write.
It was an engaging conversation over tasty food.
I listened to this man talk and swallowed my irritation along with my perfect, extra, crispy hash browns.
It was really a shame, I thought, that the only other Chinese person in town was an a**hole.
A lot of time has passed since that breakfast. I thought you said this place was consistent.
I know, this place was consistent.
I missed it. When we were here 2 years ago.
3? Oh, was that? That was 3 years ago.
On the third anniversary of the first time we met, we decided to go back to Hamburg again and talk about what happened.
But before we could dive into all of that, we had to order.
All right, what can I get you guys?
Could I get the fried onion burger?
Yes. But instead of fries, could I get hash browns?
Yeah, of course. And make it extra crispy?
Extra crispy? Yeah.
Yeah. How do you like your order changed?
It feels good. It does?
It feels like, you know, someone really knows what I like.
How does it feel to change someone's order?
It feels, you know, powerful.
Over the last three years, the nature of our relationship has changed a lot.
after i got to iowa despite the hashbrown debacle we became friends technically our friendship started before she even got to iowa on what i would say is a very sour note about a month before school started i got a text out of the blue from connie asking if there was a good iowan source of sourdough and whether or not the local chinese grocery store carried swan chai a fermented pickled cabbage, great for soups.
My friends and I nicknamed him CPA, Crispy Potato Aaron.
And I needed to account for the amount of suan cai I needed to hoard and move with me from Boston.
I couldn't imagine a winter without it.
Of course, I had the hookup for both.
The back of Starlight Market No. 3 is overflowing with unorganized fermented veggies and vacuum packaging and during my first year in iowa i had been sent a link to a google form for a guy who sells excellent sourdough out of the trunk of his subaru the sourdough was just okay four months later our first meal as classmates was over hand -pulled lamb noodle soup at a chinese restaurant that place was good yeah it was the soup needed more meat on the bones it was still comforting.
Too bad a pretty authentic Chinese noodle place couldn't survive in Iowa City.
But Hamburg Inn, the diner is still around.
All right how are these hash browns?
Honestly, pretty bad.
Really, is it too crispy?
Mm, it's like too crispy.
It's too crispy. our first home -cooked meal was a collaboration aaron made the entree of a steamed egg dantang and ground pork which was homey and delicious connie brought garlic green beans and a japanese style cheesecake because i told her that i liked cheesecake you did not like it No, I liked it, but I just like New York -style cheesecake better.
He likes the density of the New York style.
Remember the steamed egg Dandan took forever to set?
I kept checking it and it was just liquid in the middle.
Now that I think about it, did you pick the dish that takes forever so we could talk more?
No. Maybe. I had invited Connie over because earlier that week I had just submitted my writing to workshop.
shop, and I offered to make dinner because I wanted to hear what she thought about it.
She was savage in her criticism.
It felt like your whole brand was that you wanted the raw truth, and it seemed like everyone was just intimidated by you.
So I thought I'd just tell you.
But you got so defensive.
It was so funny. At the end of the night, you were finally like, you're right, You're right, you're right.
Over that semester, it was so exciting to finally have someone to eat with.
When I first got to Iowa, I worked hard to find ways to eat the things that I loved.
I shopped at the small Chinese grocery store and got my mom to send me things that I couldn't find.
But in the end, I knew that there were things that I just wouldn't be able to eat, like sushi and fresh whole fish.
I thought I made peace with that fact.
but talking to Connie made me crave things we texted all the time I haven't made a Chinese friend in years and I think I forgot the comfort sharing a mother tongue can bring I remember I was taking this class about teaching students in the Writing Center and there had been non -stop racist remarks all semester one day when a classmate declared that the Chinese student he was tutoring wasn't going to get better at English grammar and the professor just and I just nodded along.
I lost it. I vented to Aaron after, and he sent me this audio note.
It's a poem Chinese kids memorize in first grade.
This might be a little bit cheesy, but I don't know.
I don't know that many poems. But I think it might be good just to hear some Chinese.
After a semester of being inundated with how Chinese people can't write, I didn't even realize that Chinese hadn't touched my ears.
It was proof that we write, that we've always written.
I understood what it was like being the only Chinese person.
That's what I was in my first year.
We were able to talk about everything.
We talked about our disabilities.
I have a spinal cord injury and walk with a cane.
And I have lupus. And we talked about the nitty gritty details, like how our disabilities have changed our relationships with our families, and the ambivalent existence of both being proud of our disabilities and being exhausted by the grind of doing simple everyday tasks.
asks. My favorite texts are just like, I'm in pain.
And he goes, oh, do you want to eat?
Describe your impression of me when we were friends.
You were very, the things you're passionate about, you're very passionate about.
And the things that make you that like frustrate you you find a lot of joy in being frustrated by them like you say what you believe and that is like what you are what was my impression of you when we were friends I thought you were wondrous I never met anyone who was was so sure of herself.
The backdrop for all of our conversations was food.
We savored flavors as we laughed, analyzed textures while sharing memories, and filled our bellies as we gossiped about the other writers in our program.
I loved the way that Connie tasted food.
The way that no detail was spared in her exacting judgment, Not because she was judgy, but because she loved food.
Because each nuanced note, each aftertaste was important and worthy of consideration.
She cared about the things I cared about.
I love that Aaron trusts his tongue.
Which seems so simple, but it seems so hard for people to do.
A lot of people talk to me about food like they talk to waiters checking in on how it's going.
as though the only way to convey gratitude is to like the food.
Erin's not afraid to dislike things that you're supposed to like.
We have this understanding that critique can stem from appreciation.
We felt things about the food.
And we felt things for each other.
These feelings finally came up at the end of that first semester.
When did you start liking me?
it's honestly it's like when we were like talking about my writing i think was like a big part where i was like man this girl really like gets it and then we were texting a good amount and that was pretty fun i think it's honestly when i noticed the feeling is getting like i don't like to text and then i'm just excited to text you when did you start liking me the moment when i was like this is strange was when you asked me to come back to hamburg right before break and you said that you were leaving for break and you wanted to see me again before you go and then you were like you're the last person i
wanted to see before oh yeah i did I did feel that way.
Feelings came to a boil during a weekend over that same break.
I went to San Francisco for a conference.
The Bay is Aaron's home turf.
Connie was only in town for two days and two nights.
She got in Friday afternoon, so that's one dinner.
And over Saturday and Sunday, it was two lunches and two dinners.
It was only five meals.
How are you supposed to show someone the breadth of the Bay Area food scene in five meals?
I usually trust no one else to plan my meals on a trip, so letting him plan was huge.
It was a whirlwind of a weekend.
Friday night dinner.
Hand -pulled szechuan noodles in Chinatown, followed by dirty martinis at the Comstock Saloon in North Beach. Saturday lunch?
Dim Sum with killer rice rolls and dumplings.
blinks. Between meals, I did something risky.
I took him to see Monet's sailboats at the Legion of Honor.
You can't just bring anyone to hang with your favorite painting.
It's much too vulnerable.
I just wanted to play and he played with me and it was delightful.
Contemplating Monet's sailboats made us hungry so we snuck in a snack before dinner.
Truffle fries in the Richmond.
Oh, so good. For dinner, I made reservations for an omakase, 12 -course sushi dinner because we both have been craving fish.
Over the otoro fatty tuna course, I accidentally made her cry.
He told me that I was a generational talent.
Because her writing is unlike anything that I've ever read.
On Sunday, I bought pastries at my favorite French bakery and took Connie to my favorite spot in Oakland.
my grandparents' grave at the top of this hill overlooking the entire bay.
While sharing a fruit tart, she asked me, Are you attracted to me?
And he said, Yes, of course.
And this thing that we felt simmering for a whole semester was finally acknowledged.
Our emotions smelled of deep, complex flavors that surprised and comforted us, like a warm cup of mulled wine, or a broth that has been cooking for decades.
It was ready to eat.
Except, we couldn't eat.
We couldn't date. For the last four years, I'd been non -monogamous.
A choice I made for myself, but a choice I know not to force on someone else.
I was monogamous, and I knew that it was what I wanted.
On that hill, we acknowledged the cosmic connection of feelings.
But the cosmic connection felt like a cosmic joke to me.
We couldn't see how we would make it work, and we didn't want it to end.
So we decided to be romantic friends.
A safe choice. You know, friends who have acknowledged feelings but aren't going to do anything about it.
A .k .a. friends with no benefits.
A .k .a. situation -ship with no ship.
It wasn't mulled wine or bone broth.
It was hot pot with marinara sauce.
You don't know if it's a good idea.
I would try that. When the semester started back in Iowa, I suggested that we set aside Monday night to cook and eat together.
Every Monday, I would drive over at around 6, and we would cook a meal and talk until 1 a .m. It just felt like, nice, it's Monday night.
We get to cook a nice dinner, get to use your nice kitchen, we get to make some food that is good.
and i get to go hang out with this person that i was like about you know that i was like excited to hang out with what were monday nights like for you miserable oh the anticipation you would come over we would cook we would talk and i think i i wanted something more to happen and i knew it wasn't going to happen so it was just constantly in this like Like, we maintain a very good physical boundary.
Like, we never cross the line.
Do we hug? Sometimes we hug, sometimes we didn't hug.
And then I was trying to understand if there was a pattern to this madness, and there was not a pattern to this madness.
That is so funny. That must have been infuriating.
Oh, I'm sorry. That is honestly, of everything that happened in romantic friendship, that is my biggest offense.
No. What was my biggest offense?
Oh, you kept telling me that I was too intense and that we can't ever date.
And saying it once was not enough for you.
You had to keep reminding me.
You know, it's like trying to keep two magnets apart.
You have to constantly apply force the opposite direction.
Yeah, so what was the rest of the week like for you?
I would write haikus about whether or not we hugged and, like, what food we're making.
Here's a haiku from that collection.
Feed me from your stove.
Our sticky, stubborn sizzles just chilling at boiling point.
Damn. We had all of his leftovers.
He never took any of it home after he did not wash dishes.
And I just had to eat all of this leftover until it was gone.
And he never wanted any of it, which also made me doubt how much he actually liked the food that we made.
I distinctly remember not wanting to take leftovers because I didn't want to keep forgetting, like, a container.
I didn't want to become entangled like that, you know?
One of the entanglements was the spring onion noodle dish.
Usually, Aaron cooks this dish.
While making this episode, I decided I wanted to learn it.
Okay. You're going to deep fry the green onions once the oil's hot.
We're not at 35 % brown.
We're at, like, 10%.
10 % brown. Is it 35 % yet?
It is like 20%. 20.
I think that's 45. Yeah, you're right.
You're at 40 now. Glistening black sauce.
Really good? Yeah, the shrimp is really good.
The shrimp is perfect.
Yeah. It's like buttered noodles, but like better.
Yeah. When my mom used to cook it, I think the sauce was a lot lighter.
like because it's like a pan in right yeah and so like it wouldn't be like a lot of like everything is coated it's actually quite like a bland noodle and then like there's a little bit of a sauce and you kind of eat it with like it's like more of a plain noodle like a dipping i get to like be as heavy -handed as i want so that you know feels i feel like i couldn't ask as a kid for more sauce.
Oh, yeah, really? Yeah.
Well, because I felt like no one else was wanting more sauce.
But now I get to put as much sauce onto this with you as possible.
Romantic friendship was dry, dry noodles with not enough sauce.
Now you know how I felt.
For two months, And for months we cooked and ate and talked.
It was great. Yes. Two months.
Can you imagine? At the end of those two months, I did feel like I needed to make a decision.
It was spring break and I went back to the Bay Area to think.
My friend came to visit me that week.
And we talked incessantly about what it meant to continue the romantic friendship, the fantasy, the reality, what I wanted and what I needed.
So I made a decision.
I was going to dump his ass when he got back.
A girl needs to have some self -respect.
If this thing is not going where...
If this thing is never going to go where I want it to go, then at some point I need to decide why I am in it.
Meanwhile, I was thinking something completely different.
The thing I say every single time is, it's all in the data, maybe.
You know, you go home from a girl's house who you have romantic feelings with but are in a very strict romantic friendship with.
It's like, you go home from a girl's house at midnight, 1am, usually.
It was, like, really consistent.
in and she only lived 10 minutes away.
And it's like you do that enough time and then you just have to recognize the data.
Over spring break, I presented the data to myself, my sister, my friends, and everyone came to the same conclusion, that I'm an idiot.
The way that cooking, eating, talking to this person made me feel was like a dish that you never got tired of.
The flavors of Connie evolved and enticed in a way that always made me want one more bite.
As I boarded my flight back to Iowa, I knew that romantic friendship was not going to be enough.
I wanted more. I got back to Iowa, and after settling back into my apartment, I texted Connie.
My friend had just left Iowa when I got a text from Aaron, asking if I wanted some company.
I wanted it to work.
In between bites, in between words, it almost seemed like it already does work.
Did work. I wanted to cry.
How do you end something that never really began?
I knew I couldn't keep waiting until I felt ready.
I needed to just do it, now or never.
So I told him to come over.
The winter chill was just starting to break But my car was still cold I had made that ten minute drive down Dubuque Street so many times And yet this time felt different I practiced what I was going to say The adrenaline made my mouth metallic I prepared nothing It was no use produce.
The water and words that might come, would come.
I pulled up onto her driveway, got out of the car, walked up to her door and rang the doorbell.
She looked so sad. I didn't realize that she would be so distraught over her friend leaving.
leaving. I was sad about my friend leaving, and I was pre grieving the loss of us.
I followed her to the kitchen.
She sits down. I opened the fridge to see what I could cook.
There was cauliflower and some ground pork.
It was the last time I was going to watch him cook, and I wanted to remember it all.
I watched him move around in my kitchen in his peach hoodie, opening the spice drawer and grabbing spatulas, knowing where everything was, and it was infuriating.
I lightly marinated the pork and soy sauce, Shaoxing wine and cornstarch, cut the cauliflower into florets, steamed them on the pan, and added some stock, and then the ground pork to braise.
And then we sat down.
After the break, Aaron gets a word in edgewise.
grilling starts with, surprise, a great grill.
With its unbeatable power and its versatility, the Eminence 605 Grill from Atlanta -based Monument Grills lets you grill like a pro.
Whether I'm making a show -stopping paella or serving up burgers and steaks, six Blaze infrared burners with stainless steel grates get the job done.
Thank you, 66 ,000 BTUs.
The Eminence 605 also comes with a heavy -duty rotisserie kit so you can make a succulent leg of lamb rubbed with garlic and herbs or the world's best chicken.
To top it off, the Eminence 605 has a Bluetooth app so you can monitor the temperature of what's cooking, create alerts, and more.
Now I can make my famous smoked turkey breast and still join the party.
The Eminence 605 really is the grill of the future.
Learn more about the Eminence 605 and their other grills at monumentgrills .com.
business idea into?
Sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify .com slash special offer.
At the UPS Store, we want to make this summer the summer of shipping.
Summer ship -a -loser.
So you can start crossing items off your must -ship list, like the vintage film camera your college kid needs for class, or the vase you told your mom you would send her ages ago.
And with our pack -and -ship guarantee, your items arrive safe, or we reimburse you.
So stop by your local store today for everything you need to be unstoppable.
Visit theupsstore .com slash guarantee for full details.
Available at participating locations most locations are independently owned product services pricing and hours of operation may vary see center for details the ups store be unstoppable and now back to our story with the food simmering on my stove aaron and i sat down and he said we should do something about this so that night you were planning to dump me yup but like what if i didn't speak first I don't know if I would have believed you.
If I had said, I'm going to dump you, and then you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I wanted to, you know, date.
I might feel like you were saying that because you didn't want to lose me, instead of you actively wanting me.
Yeah, I gave you an ultimatum, and then you needed to do something.
Hmm. I think I could have convinced you.
I don't think so. On March 17, 2023, we started dating.
Since then, Aaron has trained my dog, Charcoal, who he said was ugly.
Yes, he said my black Pomeranian was ugly with bulgy eyes.
He said, I love you in a week.
And he told me that week, over breakfast, that he can see a kid in the kitchen with us.
Wow, that was pretty intense of me.
Anyways, since then, we have ridden together and traveled together.
We've eaten so well on all of these trips.
Okay, what is your favorite bite in our relationship?
Oh. Oh, that's hard to pick.
Beef noodle soup? Like biao jia new rou mian in Taipei.
In Taipei. Langua tacos, baby!
Oh, langua tacos. Langua.
Yeah, from the taco truck.
Botin in Madrid. Okay, maybe it's not easy to pick just one moment.
But maybe it isn't about picking our favorite.
because each moment is a different way to connect.
Like, at Botin in Madrid, I got to understand your deep relationship with Hemingway through the suckling pig and the garlic soup.
When we made duck noodle soup.
Oh, from the smoked duck?
Yeah, from the smoked duck.
Oh, our homemade filet -o -fish.
It's pretty incredible.
We both love McDonald's filet -o -fish.
On road trips or just when we're feeling trashy, we would go into the McDonald's drive -thru and Connie would order two Filet -O -Fish, take one of the patties with its American cheese and smash it into the other sandwich to create her own double -decker.
But it's never quite enough flaky fish and tartar sauce, so we have taken to making a gourmet version at home with wild cod and homemade tartar with a full bouquet of dill.
I feel really lucky, not only for the privilege of eating so much good food, but for the fact that boredom never seems to be in sight.
Our taste buds are never dulled by the delicious.
When we think we found the best bite, there's a rumble in our bellies that tells us something completely new and tasty still lies ahead.
A year later, we moved in.
in. Eating together isn't always one exciting adventure after another.
And every day since, we've been trying to solve the unrelenting problem plaguing every couple.
I know you don't want to hear this.
What should we eat for dinner?
Yeah, what should we eat for dinner?
A fridge filled with uncooked ingredients is full of potential.
But it can also be so It's so exhausting after a long day.
Okay, what meat do we have defrosted?
There's no meat meat defrosted?
Besides the cod we're making tomorrow?
But sometimes it's like solving a fun puzzle— like we're on our own personal version of chat.
We have to eat, but we get to cook.
Oh, we actually have ground pork defrosted!
Oh, nice. Nice. Oh, yeah.
We opened those pickled mustard greens two days ago.
So we still have that.
Mm hmm. Yeah. OK. Do we have tofu?
Let me see. Oh, yeah, we do.
Oh, sweet. I have an idea.
It's perhaps easier to meal plan, to prep a lot of food and skip this part of our day.
But we run the inventory so new combinations can happen, so we can come back to play.
We are each other's cheerleaders in the kitchen, really.
We're more adventurous, more willing to experiment and mess up together.
This one time, Aaron forgot to salt a whole wild tuna steak, and we learned for the first time what tuna really tastes like.
It was horrible. But we don't always get to cook with each other.
Sometimes I'm meeting a deadline Sometimes Aaron's taking a call When life takes one of us away from the kitchen we stay connected when we cook for each other As we mentioned we are two disabled artists The nature of our bodies means that some days my muscles ache from lupus flare -ups Some days the nerves in my spine burn and seize My energy level depletes from walking the length of a sunny parking lot We've been told all our lives by doctors and parents and well -meaning strangers that our future partners would have to take on the role of a maid.
That they would be burdened by the realities of our bodies.
Through finding each other, we have discovered that what they say is true.
We do need help. But, as we also knew, they were wrong.
Erin does not need to suffer to care for my body I don't suffer to care for his body Erin's back is in a lot of pain today so I'm making dinner I am making the roll fat which is braised pork bits you put it over hot rice is spoonable it is eternal in the sense that the way I grew up you just have it in stainless steel tub on the kitchen table and when you're hungry you just spoon it over things it is heavily marinated usually it is made with pork belly or like extremely fatty pork.
We have some really marbled glorious looking pork butt that isn't exactly the cut that I would use but it is very fatty and I think it can be a good lean version of this dish.
I am just chopping them up into little squares about the size of my thumb.
Aaron's had a pretty long day and I think about cooking, feeding as like how do I create and share my memories of home and and bring it to the home that we're building together.
Sometimes it is true that the bite at the end of the day changes everything.
And I think when I cook for Aaron, I want that to be true.
There's a way that Connie feeds me that's different from the image that doctors and parents have painted.
It isn't patronizing.
I don't feel inept when I can't contribute.
I don't incur debt with every bite.
Instead, when I hear her cook, I know that she is offering me something balanced.
Flavors that acknowledge the pain without the bitter aftertaste.
For those lucky enough to grow old with life partners, they learn the kind of care that that is kind and gracious.
When the caretaker does not suffer to perform care, the one who receives care is unburdened from becoming a burden and learns to receive it as love.
For those of us who have disabled bodies, we are lucky enough to learn that now.
sometimes the most important form of care comes during hard times it's 6 40 and uh i'm cooking dinner connie and i are fighting and uh we've been fighting for for a little while.
And yeah, but it's 6 40 and we have to eat.
We are fighting because for the past few months, Connie's been working really hard on her book and I haven't been supporting her the way that she deserves.
She's really mad at me, but she needs to eat.
Yeah, no, she's hungry.
Yeah, well, I'm making, it's like a tomato egg drop soup and used to make it with like fresh tomatoes but i've been using um like canned tomatoes recently and just like chicken stock from costco and it's kind of like one of the most amazing things she's really mad at me i think that that's one of the nice things that we do even if we're fighting rarely will we ever eat alone Add a little bit more and then just like a dash of sesame oil, a little bit of white pepper, and then just like one to two eggs and it just blooms into this really beautiful yellow and red and orange like soup.
I don't know, I think we don't sacrifice the meals at least. At least that's something.
open. All couples fight and still need to eat.
I wish it were true that a good meal is all it ever takes to mend our hearts.
I wish it were true that when words become hurtful, the tactile dialogue of chopping vegetables and stirring pots are sufficient olive branches and apologies.
If only misunderstandings could be addressed by our mutual love for fresh rice out of the zojirushi.
Or perhaps tough words could be returned to the pot, to be slow -braised until tender and sweet.
But we fight, we wound, we retreat, and we come to the table in hopes of remembering what brought us together.
other in hopes of offering our food not to fix, but to affirm our commitment of care to each other.
In our anger, the simple act of saying, dinner's ready.
That is our radical declaration of our fundamental responsibility.
We fill each other's bowls regardless of what remains unresolved to nourish what we've built together.
It's our quiet promise that says, I still choose your nourishment, your sustenance, your well -being.
Your hunger still matters to me.
And so we eat to eat and to grow, to practice with our hands what our hearts are struggling to do, to give the love we may be reluctant to give and receive the love we may fear to receive.
Can I have some? Yeah.
Okay. Thank you. More?
Okay. Okay? Yeah. tonight at this table over spring onion noodles tomato egg drop soup and garlic broccoli we gather to eat dinner dinner's ready okay we got three things for dinner we've invited one of our best friends keelan over for dinner and we are serving up a menu of memories um we have tomato tofu egg drop soup.
Yeah and we of course have a little bit of the Chinese broccoli that is very bitter.
It's good for the soul.
Yep and then this is fried spring onions noodles with mixed noodles.
It looks so good we're celebrating Keelin finishing her graduate thesis the process of writing is perhaps best witnessed by noodles that know something about long emotional journeys.
The noodles are really good.
Where did you get them?
Oh, starlight. Feeding friends means that I have enough to share.
Not just enough food, but enough joy, enough attention, enough capacity to hold a whole other person's hunger for a while.
For me, feeding friends means I have a captive audience to show off to.
People who trust me with their taste buds.
Beloved friends willing to hold a memory I'm sharing.
People eager to create new memories with.
That reminds me of one of the first things I had that you made as a couple.
When I came to like visit and you were making dinner, It was two summers ago, I guess.
And you had bought a huge box of tomatoes from the farmer's market.
And we had amazing homemade pasta with tomato sugo and then lamb bolognese.
This relationship has affirmed my relationship with food.
With Connie, who I am, what I like to eat, and how I cook is celebrated.
That affirmation allows us to build a home together.
A home that isn't just for us, but a place we can share with people we love.
We cook our love and stuff our friends' bellies with it.
We put our love in containers and ask them to bring it home.
There's so much left over.
And it touches and changes our friends in ways that we've never expected.
I started making food for my dog.
Because of us? Yes.
Thanks for dinner. I didn't know how much I needed it.
There's dessert. There's two desserts.
There's two desserts.
After dinner, in the sink, there's a pile of dirty dishes.
Three bowls, three serving plates, a dirty pot from the soup, an oily wok, and a clattering of utensils.
Connie is packing away the leftovers.
and I began to load the dishwasher, lightly rinsing away the bites we missed.
There are new oil splatters on the burner, layered over the stains from last night's soup, and what the kitchen flame condensed in these sweet, numbing, bitter, tangy drops of living together.
We need to clean the stove.
We'll clean it tomorrow.
Tomorrow we have someone to cook with.
Eat with. host with clean with these are our ingredients what do you want to eat thanks to Aaron and Connie for bringing us today's love story listeners we're going on a small break but we'll be back with a new episode on July 3rd it's a It's a star -spangled celebration of pie.
Make sure to come back to the feed for a slice.
If you like Proof, be sure to subscribe wherever you listen so you can get new episodes as soon as they drop.
And while you're there, why not leave us a rating or write us a review.
It really helps other people find the show.
This episode was hosted by me, Jack Bishop, and the podcast is made by the following cast of characters.
I'm Yumi Araki, the managing producer.
I'm executive producer, Caitlin Kelleher.
I'm senior producer, Alex Kern -Carterelli.
I'm associate producer, Angelica Quintanilla.
And I'm associate producer, Louise Kern -Kensler.
Audio services are provided by Ultraviolet Audio, with scoring, mixing, and sound design by...
Matt Boynton Brian Campbell of Signal Sounds composed our theme music additional music by Kyle Forrester and Jordan Pearson and Margolis is our director of post -production and our director of production is Diane Knox fact -checking and additional research by Sarah D.
Collins special thanks to Keelan Barr for being Aaron and Connie's dinner guest and all the grocers and farmers who make their cooking possible nina gianelli is the senior vice president of television video and podcasts dan suza is the chief content officer and dan surratt is america's test kitchen's ceo proof is a production of america's test kitchen this podcast is part of the airwave media podcast network visit airwavemedia .com to listen and subscribe to their other fine shows An Airwave Media Podcast.
