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I have been listening to the Martha's Vineyard Beach and Book Club, which actually Elena recommended to me.
She did not listen to it, but she said, girl, this title sounds so you.
And let me tell you, it did. I've been listening to it while I walk, and I am absolutely loving it.
I love all the I love Audible. There's more to imagine when you listen.
Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. visit audible.com slash morbid.
Think about the most disturbing government secrets you've learned from history.
Now imagine discovering one that begins in a hospital room and leads straight to classified military operations that were buried for decades.
Listen to A Redacted Medical Mystery, a special episode from Redacted and Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries, available now wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey weirdos, I'm Elena. I'm Ash. And this is a Listener Tales episode.
Listener Tales. Thank you. Thank you. It's actually a special Halloween edition.
Spooky, scary skeletons send shivers down your spine.
So welcome to our scary spooky skeleton version of Listener Tales.
You're welcome. You're welcome. And you know what?
This is our October listener tales, so you won't get another one of these till November.
So sad for you. So sad for you. So sad for you, buddy.
But we figured we'd get this Halloween right in the beginning of the month, and...
We have something special for you this week.
Yeah. You know what it is? What? you so much i love you we just love you so much and it's spooky season it's spooky I'm going to do an episode that is all about Sam.
I can't say that. I'm pretty sure it's Samhain. which we all know as Samhain or Halloween.
I'm going to talk about... You lost me. The way you pronounce it is Samhain.
Oh. Even though it looks like champagne.
You were like, we all know Samhain. We all know.
I'm going to talk about the origins of Halloween in an episode for next week.
We're going to like totally into it. Talk all about it.
And guess what? Yeah. Guess what? What? You're getting three episodes next week.
One's going to be... Ad free. Guys. I feel like listener tales now are just for when we're feeling like way too silly to do like a real episode because that'd be fucked up.
Yeah. We are feeling... wicked punchy so we decided listener tales is where we gotta go with what we feel Yeah, we're feeling this today.
It's just the artistry of the job. It is.
It's art and we got to go where the art tells us to go.
And so you're getting an ad-free episode next week for no reason. fucking reason except that we love you and we want you to have it and it was a joy to research about Samhain.
So I just figure, here you go. Yeah, you got it.
You got it ad free because you know what?
We love you and you've stuck around. So thank you for that.
So take a look out for that and also your other two episodes next week.
Next week is about to get so fucking wild.
October is fucking bananas. You know who we just sounded like?
Fucking... from Big Mouth, the hormone monster.
Oh my god, yes, we did. I was like, next week is about to be wild.
So wild. I call this one eight. These are my ladies.
We are the hormone monsters. I'm not. Welcome to this episode.
Everyone listening right now is like, what the fuck was that intro?
Yeah, they were like, are you okay? And the answer is no, I'm not sure.
No, the answer is we are not. No, the answer is I'm not because there's a burp stuck inside my ear. my mouth tube right now and it hurts and it won't come out maybe it will maybe you guys will coax it out all right so let's start this off Let's start it off with listener tale, a Halloween ghost, an intruder, a sleepwalking aunt.
Okay, start me off. Who's to say? Hi. you weirdos i'm gonna start with the obligatory rant on how much i love you guys and your podcast but i'll keep you know what love you I'll keep my gushing short.
Thank you. My name is Ang. Yep, you can use it.
Thanks, Ang. Big Ange. Big Ange. And I've been a listener since the beginning and I've yet to find a podcast that is amazing as yours.
Wow. That's really nice. Thank you. i've tried to find others to listen to while i'm all cut up on yours but nothing quite fits the bill you're great at what you do and i truly appreciate all the effort you put into each episode I've gotten multiple of my weirdo friends to start listening and they're just as obsessed.
That's very nice of you. Thank you, Ang.
Thanks, Ang. Big Ang. Anywho. Here's my story for you.
A couple years ago, I was living at my parents' house while my fiance and I were saving up to buy our house.
My aunt, who was diagnosed with a disease that affects, and she wrote affects, and then she wrote effects.
Who knows the difference? You know, that's my biggest like issue in life.
Affects is like a verb. And effects is like a noun.
Yeah. Usually. Everyone just turned this off.
So thanks a lot. I'm just trying to teach you guys stuff, right?
I'm just trying to teach you stuff. Just trying to.
Fucking help you out! Well, either way, my aunt was diagnosed with a disease that affects her nervous system, That's really sad.
Yeah. Yeah. So one Halloween... because do we have to do that every time yes okay every time halloween halloween halloween because this is the Halloween episode, I had my fiance come over for the night to watch spooky movies with me after handing candy out to the neighborhood street youths.
Aww. Aww. My fiance and I eventually end up going to sleep and I get woken up in the middle of the night to him getting out of a tiny ass full bed.
Not thinking of it, I roll over and try to fall back to sleep.
He returns to the bed, lays down, then gets up again about two minutes later.
I hear him open the door to my room and close it again, but doesn't leave the room.
Then I hear him moving shit around inside the room.
Now I'm getting grumpy. Da fuck you doing, man?
It's 3 a.m. and a bitch needs some sleep.
I get so grumpy if woken up poor, Annie.
Poor Annie indeed. I get real pissed. He gets into the bed and doesn't say anything.
In my sleepy state, I don't think to ask questions, just grateful that he's quiet and back in bed, finally, so I can sleep.
Then he rolls over, whispers really quietly to me, there's someone in the house.
That was a really good whisper. ASMR. Welp, 10 out of 10 would agree that nothing wakes your ass up more than those five words.
I roll over and just spit out, huh? Honestly, what else do you say to that?
I don't know. There's someone in the house there standing against the wall.
Oh, fuck that. There is someone in the house.
They are standing against the wall in the corner of the living room. facing the wall.
Oh, fuck no. I'm sorry. There's a Fucking person facing the wall not moving.
I'm gonna need to go home now. Then he says, I'm sure of it.
I went to the bathroom and thought I saw something but came back to bed.
I chalked it up to be a plant, but I had to check.
I stuck my head out again and there was a motherfucking person in the living room.
Oh my god, wait, when you said there's a motherfucking person in the living room, I was following along but reading really fast, and I thought it said there is a motherfucker pissing in the living room. room that would be but that would make sense facing the wall because they were just pissing on the wall Maybe this is a spoiler alert.
Maybe I ruined it. We don't know. Then he says, oh, no, he didn't.
He just said that. I'm sorry. Nope. Nope.
So he says he is not one to panic over anything at all, ever.
Now my heart is racing. Well, it's 3am on Halloween.
If any ghosts were to come out, it is 100% at this exact moment.
My actual response was, let's turn the light on.
Apparently, I needed to start listening to true crime podcasts sooner.
He basically was like, No, dum-dum, that's a horrible idea.
But, like, kinder, because he's a swell person.
A swell person. Then he says, take my knife and just hold on to it.
It's pitch-ass black in this room and you want to hand me a knife?
Sure. Okay, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like I resonate with it. To state the obvious here, the knife cut me in the process of him handing it to me.
NBD. So in the dark, we laid in the bed barely breathing.
I was clutching this stupid three inch knife and honestly had no idea what the heck he was holding.
We were listening for any and every noise that was happening in the house.
It was terrifyingly quiet. Finally, he said, I can't take it.
I'm going to turn the lights on in the hallway and go out there.
You stay in the room with the knife. Take your phone out and have 911 up in case you have to call.
I was too scared to disagree. He ran out of the room, turned all the lights on, and nothing.
No plant, no person, no demon, no sleepwalking aunt.
We ended up begrudgingly going back to bed, but not before checking the front door.
That's when we found it unlocked. No! No.
Especially on fucking Halloween. Halloween.
Of all nights. Halloween. Halloween. Lock your doors.
No idea what it was, but I 100% believe that he saw something.
I slept with a bat next to my bed until I moved out after that.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story ladies.
I seriously love your podcast and I'm thankful to have found it.
You make even the shittiest days a little less shitty.
Keep it weird. Holy shit, Ange. I am glad that you are alive.
You and your fiancé. Fiance, fiance, fiance.
I like that he just, I also love the drama that he infused into that, that he just leaned over and was like, there's someone in the house yeah if Annie did that to me I'd be like fuck off if John did that to me I'd be like you shut the fuck up fuck up right now get out of here you know what who the fuck fuck says that who the fuck are you bitch just whisper that shit into my face in the middle What the fuck?
Into my... Like, then he wouldn't whisper it in your ear, but your... Just into my face.
On... On Halloween? No. Do it. Do it. Do it.
Do it. We just came back from a break, so this makes no sense.
Okay, so this one that I decided to pick while the audio was paused.
I don't know what's wrong with us. Yeah, there's a lot going on.
Sorry, I'm going to calm down. It's called Sorority House Guest.
Hi, ladies. Sorority House Ghost. Yep. Yep.
It's a lot more sinister. I don't know what it is about listener tales that makes me... You just forget to read.
Yeah. I don't know. The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
But lately, life on the coast has taken a strange turn.
The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.
His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.
Then there's the mysterious phone calls that local people have been getting.
I am the Archangel Michael. The whole town has been thrown into chaos.
As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties, I would like to address you all.
Legal proceedings have been initiated. Join me, Anna Richardson, and journalist Leo Schick for The Mystic and the Mayor as we investigate a story of power, corruption, Binge all episodes of The Mystic and the Mare exclusively and ad-free right now on Wondery Plus.
Start your free trial in Apple Podcasts Spotify or the Wondery app.
So hi, ladies. I started listening to your podcast a couple months ago, and I am obsessed.
It's nice to know there is a whole community of fellow weird as hell morbid people out here. sure is i know it is right anyways i have a listener tale for you and as you can guess from the subject it's about a real life sorority house ghost ghost not guest i hope this isn't too long you can shorten it if you need never I graduated from college in 2016, so I've been away from the house for a bit, but I'm pretty sure our sorority rents it.
So who knows, maybe some more spooky sweet listener tales to come from future haunted generations.
Aw, that's nice. I love that for us. i lived in a sorority house with 12 other girls and we were all weird as hell yeah that's amazing Right?
So it was a fucking blast. She said freaking.
But I made it R-rated. I decided that I'd change it.
It was a three-story house plus a basement with nine rooms that was built in 1900.
Definitely haunted as fuck. For sure. So, you know, some people are sure to have died up in there.
I've attached a picture for your reference.
And actually the picture, it's really pretty.
That's so cool. It's almost like it reminds me of like the murder house from AHS.
Oh. A little bit. I don't see that. It has like the turret and everything.
Yeah. I don't know what that means. It gives off a vibe.
Okay. Okay. There are a couple stories that stand out to me that I will share.
Story one. A bit of a backstory. There were 13 girls in this house in nine rooms.
I thought you were going to say 13 ghosts in this house and I was like, great movie.
Awesome movie to watch on Halloween. I don't even think this says Halloween in it. i think it does it better yeah october 31st it's right there i see it oh okay sorry There were 13 ghost girls in this house, just kidding, girls, in nine rooms.
So some of the bigger rooms had two people.
I was the unlucky bitch placed in one of the rooms.
But the rent was cheaper, so win. Win. Yeah, fuck a roommate, though.
I'll pay for not having one. Anyway, the point is, I had a roommate.
Like I just said, fuck that. We lived on the second floor.
I should also talk about the basement. You should.
Which was more like a dungeon. Love it. It was unfinished, full of cobwebs, smelled like that old musty couple at church.
OK, this sounds like my basement. It does be quite honest.
It just sounds like any unfinished basement and literally have this random ass rocking chair right in the middle of it.
Oh, just like yours? Yeah, just like my basement.
Yeah, which was apparently there when we got the house. question mark she literally wrote question mark There were many little room caves in this basement and one had a creepy old looking wood stove thing.
I don't know. I never got too close. That's good for you.
10 out of 10 recommend. Anyway, I was going to say to surmise.
To surmise. To summarize, the basement was creepy as shit.
No one ever went down there, at least not alone. and it locked with a deadbolt from the upstairs.
Seems sus, right? So we always kept it locked.
My Remy woke me up super fucking early on Halloween.
One year, 2013, question mark. I am talking the devil's hour.
Fucking 3am on 31st. That's no good. Which is, you have to say it the same.
She's freaking out and she says she hears a banging noise.
Sure as shit, there's this very slow and drug out knocking sound.
It's like every 15 to 20 seconds or so. After ten minutes of this non-stop annoyance, we decided to be those dumb girls in every scary movie ever made, and make our way downstairs to investigate.
No. No. There we were greeted by another girl who lived on the first floor who also heard this sound.
We couldn't tell where it was coming from.
So we looked at the people on the front door and there was nobody there.
But still, the knocking continued. We checked the back door.
Nothing. We checked the creepy random extra staircase in the back of the house.
Nothing. Everybody else was sound asleep in their rooms with the doors closed.
We looked around for a while more, and what did we find?
The creepy-ass basement deadbolt fucking door is wide open. fucking open you nope the fuck out of there right now get out immediately And, Elena, the basement lights are on.
No. Nope. I'm out. Nope. It's like that Spongebob meme that John loves.
All right, I'm out. I'm a head out. I'm a head out.
Mind you, the lights are those annoying pull strings that hang from the ceiling.
So it's not like somebody accidentally flipped the wrong switch.
We were too scared to go down there. Good.
So he pulled that door shut faster than a motherfucker and locked that bad boy up.
What the fuck? Fuck. One of our roommates decided to head to the campus library to see if she could find anything about the house.
All she could find was that it was built in 1900 by a guy with the last name Shackleford.
I know, anticlimactic, but this comes into play.
In the next story. Ooh. Story. I am loving this narrative that she is spinning me.
Not only is it a narrative, Elena, it's a fucking trilogy.
It's cohesive as fuck and I love it. You should be an author.
You should. Story number two. This is a three-story house, so lots of stairs are involved here.
My obese ass would be right out of there.
Also, the stairs are all hardwood, making them slippery as shit.
And they're ancient, so they're also steep as shit.
You're painting a really undesirable picture.
You truly are, except I love it and I want to live there.
Nope. I was known for falling down the stairs an embarrassing amount because I'm coordinated.
I'm as coordinated as a newborn giraffe.
That's adorable. I also always wore fuzzy socks around the house, which is also adorable.
That happens to me all the time. That's how you broke your tailbone.
That's how I broke my butt. Yep. That's how I broke my booty.
Which didn't help my case or Elena's. No.
But one time it was different. One time, I was pushed.
Oh. What? Was it an angry housemate? Was it on...
Halloween. I swear on all of the seasons of The Office DVDs that I felt some asshole.
That's a good swear. What? That's a good swear.
Oh. She swears on all the seasons of The Office DVDs.
That means she's telling the motherfucking truth. she swear on it nothing but the truth i just said she swear on it she swear she swear on it So she swore on that, that I felt some asshole push me down the fucking stairs.
I clinkity clinked my ass all the way down the stairs.
I would have broken at least a couple. And laid at the bottom for a while crying because, well, it fucking hurt.
Particularly my right buttocks cheek. Oh, I eventually crawled out of my bed and one of my precious bagel bagel.
Angel baby roommates brought me an ice pack for my booty cheek.
She said butt cheek, but I felt like booty cheek was better.
I iced that... I... I iced said butt cushion for several... bits of time and eventually got back up to check out the damage of the mirror.
I had a giant ass bruise, literally. And it was in the shape of SS for Shackleford.
Oh. coincidence? i think not. that rat bastard pushed me down the stairs and i'll go to my grave believing it.
I've also attached a picture of said bruised right butt cheek for your viewing pleasure.
Because why not send some gals? I've never met a picture of my bare ass.
Can't make this shit up. so much and also that's an s spruce that is an s spruce so did that what i want to know is a shackleford just walking around his old ass property with like some little thing that's like in the shape of an s and he just rams it into your butt into your booty Ouch I don't like it It's like a brand That's what I was thinking.
It's like a brand, but it's not hot. It's like you're a Shackleford girl now.
Only for a week or two. all right wow shackleford trilogy time story number three this one is in my opinion the scariest Again, I'm sleeping in a bigger room with a roommate and she has told me several times that I've been talking in my sleep.
I'm already out of there. yeah i'm guilty of that all the time oh yeah you say some fucked up shit sure do I've never been told this story before, so I wanted to know WT actual F I was saying.
She didn't say story. She said she'd never been told this before.
So she wanted to know WT actual F she was saying.
Okay. I caught myself up. I downloaded this app that claimed to record sleep talk.
Basically, you turn it on when you go to bed, and it only records when it has picked up sound for more than 10 seconds or so.
In the morning, oh, I can already see this going to a dark place.
Yeah, I'm actually really scared because I was like, I want that app.
Now I'm like, no. I'll change your mind real quick. morning you could review the clips that it captured.
I did this for a few weeks and there were always between 10 to 20 clips to go through.
Damn. Wow. I feel like I would be in that too.
Oh, you'd have more. Most of them were just white noise of things that I can only assume were like old house sounds.
I caught a few of the memorable ones of me saying things like, Mmm, those green beans.
I need pancakes or mooing like a damn cow.
I'm definitely a fat ass in my dreams I'm a fat ass in my dreams and in life that's okay But one morning there was a clip that was the last clip I ever recorded or listened to.
It scared the shit out of me, so I deleted the app and vowed never to listen to that shit again.
Now I'm wishing I would have saved that clip, but it's probably best I didn't.
It was just whispers at first. I still don't know if it was me or Shackle that was doing the whispering but these whispers literally turned into some freaky ass latin witchcraft.
What the fuck? The whispers progressively got faster and louder and sounded like they were speaking Oh, no.
I literally have chills. I do, too. I don't like it.
I curled myself into a ball. I'm getting body chills typing this.
I'm getting body chills reading this because it freaked me out so much.
It was literally the voices you hear possessed people using in scary movies.
I hate it. I hate it. What freaked me out the most is that, again, I have no idea if it was me talking like this or someone else.
Have I been paranoid? possessed at some point in my life?
I sure as hell motherfucking hope not. What if I do this in my sleep every night and I have no idea?
Life is full of mysteries. What a way to look at it.
I love that she answered that by just saying, life is full of mysteries.
It's such a great... That's such a great outlook on possible possession.
I love it. Hope you enjoy it. Hope you enjoyed all my spoopy sorority house stories.
Keep it weird, Brie. And she sent a picture of the S-shaped booty bruise.
And the home. You are, you're a legend. A legend.
You're a legend. And I love that you looked at possibly being possessed by a daemon as life is full of mystery.
Life is full of mystery. I love that. What a cheery outlook.
I love it. You've got to do that. You do.
Okay, so my next one is Listener Tale. My mom doesn't think her house is haunted.
Here's a few reasons why she's wrong. Incredible.
I love it. I love that for you. Hey ladies, my mom and I are big fans of the show.
Well, both shows now. Yay. Yay. I'm going to skip the small talk.
Good for you, man, because I'm high and watching Hey Arnold.
Oh, that's what I'm doing tonight. That's amazing.
That's exactly what I'm doing later. Hopefully it makes sense.
I'm sure I'll read it a hundred times and get anxious, make panic edits and come across as weird.
LOL, let's hope not. Feel free to condense.
I'm obsessed already. I love you already.
My mother and I moved into her current home when I was 16, about 16 years ago.
It was over Halloween weekend. halloween yeah you didn't say it sorry i've sped by it but i did it again I don't know.
I'm crazy. What the fuck was... I don't know.
Alright, so Halloween. It was over Halloween weekend.
So of course we're watching ghost shows in the scariest places on earth.
Oh, I love that show. Oh, I can hear the old lady voice.
She just said her voice still gives me nightmares, lol, although I loved Teen Witch.
Same. Is that the one? Girl. That's the one where they rap in the middle.
That is the one where they rap in the middle.
Oh, yeah. You showed me that. That shit.
The outfits. Thank you for bringing me there.
Thank you so much for bringing me there.
I love you. my mom loves true crime and ghost shows but she hates scary movies and being scared that's weird If something happens in the house, she'll ignore the fuck out of it.
That's weird. I, on the other hand, eat, sleep, and shit spooky.
Same. Yes. My favorite movie as a tiny kid was Chucky.
As a tiny kid. My last name is even spooky.
LOL. It's at this point of the story that I'm sure my mom has realized this is about her house and is now skipping to the next story.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom. So our first weekend there was typical for a new house.
You know, like weird sounds and shadows, basically new house shit.
I'd be in my room, hear my mom call my name.
I'd go to look for her, but she wouldn't be home.
I would hear doors open and close, but no one would be in the house.
But you know, whatever. okay good good as we settled so did the spooky shit there were a There were a few times where we would pick up a phone and get the dial tone noise in my ear.
Fuck landlines. Fuck dial up. And fuck me for being so old.
Same. But no one would be home and the internet was not on.
But whatever, right? The internet was not on.
I just want you to say that again. The internet was not on.
You know a few people out there listening are like, what do you mean the internet wasn't on?
What do you mean the internet was not on?
Your wifi? Did you deal with the dial-up?
Did I? Yeah. Only when I hung out with you.
Yeah, okay. So yeah, I was going to say, you didn't have to like...
Man, everybody who's listening right now who dealt with dial-up can remember.
Your specific computer room that your computer was in.
I remember that computer room with you. Mine was across the hall from my parents' house.
Mm-hmm. So it was just my parents' house, my parents' room.
It was in your parents' house. And you would get in that room after the time that you were supposed to be off that fucking computer because... because everyone had a time that they were not supposed to be on the internet.
Yes. And you would sneak your ass in there.
Yep. You would shut that door. You would shove some towels under the bottom of that door.
And then you would turn on that fucking crazy ass sounds. and the whole time you would just be sitting there being like just connect just connect just connect come on just connect just shut up connect The noise used to scare me when I was little.
And it would... Finally, you'd hear... that bing noise that you connected and then your parents would come in and be like i heard that whole fucking thing you idiot Because there's like a demon screeching from beyond.
And you're like, damn it. I heard that whole thing.
You fucking idiot. So I feel that a lot.
But back to the story. So yeah, fuck me for being so old.
But no one would be home and the internet was not on.
But whatever, right? A lot of but a whatever.
Stuff happened, but there were a few things.
A few things. My mom's house has an open floor plan.
I was in the living room part talking to my stepdad who was in the computer room.
The kitchen is in between us. On the kitchen counter laid a cookie sheet.
As he's speaking to me. I watched this cookie sheet go sailing across the kitchen, hit the wall and fall.
It didn't fall off the counter and bounce.
It was basically flung. to tell my mom and she did not want to hear it lol she turned the volume on the TV super loud I can't screech out Zach When he gets scratched by a fucking demon, bro.
Now, there's a hallway off of the kitchen by the computer room. leads to the mudroom and the basement.
We use the mudroom door as the main door.
My mom was chopping things for dinner and my stepbrother and I were standing in the opening to this hallway talking to her.
My mom was in mid-sentence when my stepbrother and I both heard our little brother say hi to our dog.
We both turned to the door, looked at each other, and back at the door.
Stepbro's like, you heard that, right? Him saying hi, right?
He nods and adds, to the dog. My mom's face was pale and confused.
We explained what happened. We both heard our little brother say, hi, Sheba.
My mom's was like, nope, he doesn't get off the bus for 15 minutes.
I don't believe you guys, blah, blah. but we both swear it happened.
Oh, that's so spooky. My stepbrother lived with us.
His room was the basement, and my room used to be a porch.
And she did like the eye up. Eye roll. Eye roll.
I was like eye up. Eye up. The eye up emoji.
Don't up your eyes at me. Don't you. Tear up your eyes at me.
God damn. So her room used to be the porch.
That the previous owners converted to a room.
That's cool. That is kind of cool. That reminds me of The Simple Life.
Okay. So the second my stepbrother moved in with some friends, my best friend and I jumped on the basement.
We cleaned that bitch up, shoveled up all the garbage, collected all the cans and bottles.
We wore hazmat suits because my stepdad stepbrother and his friends were gross-ass boys, lol, when we finally got the basement habitable enough for humans.
We brought a bed and some boxes down there.
2 a.m., we hear a pop bottle fall. that distinct plastic hitting concrete sound we turned on the lights but there was nothing on the ground we returned all the cans and bottles the previous day Next night, my friend is over again and we're getting ready for bed.
3am. My CD radio alarm clock just starts.
Blaring. Oh, that would fuck me up. We jump awake and I lunge at the noise as she turns on the light.
The kicker? It's not plugged in. It didn't even have batteries.
I had to plug that bitch in and unplug it for it to stop.
We didn't sleep downstairs that night. no no thank you she's like you know what we didn't sleep downstairs that night you don't say not long after I ended up moving out and my stepbrother moved back in and took the basement.
So when I moved back, I got my porch room.
I wasn't mad. And now that we're both moved out, my mom doesn't use the basement.
Flash to the past February, I had stopped by her house to see her.
We were sitting in the dining room when we both heard something fall over in the basement.
Then we heard something running. No. But we didn't hear it run up the stairs and we didn't hear any doors open or close.
Neither one of us went to investigate. We stayed seated.
Ew. Good on you. Those are my little tales, although they might not be super spooky.
A few things were. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
Mom, if you made it through this, then I'll buy you lunch.
Love you guys. S. Coffin. P.S. Sid didn't kill Nancy.
Change my mind. LOL. I disagree. I'm confused.
Oh! I googled it. What? You did not know who Sid and Nancy were?
I do now. I'm young. Guys, this is real life.
Sid Vicious. This is real. Wow. The fact that you are reading this like.
Holy shit. Holy shit, where are my fellow olds?
No, no, I've heard of this before. Oh, good.
Oh good, you've heard of this before, that you needed to refresh on Sid and Nancy.
Listen, I'm sorry that you remember dial-up, but there's no reason to yell at me.
Please go to the next listener, Jill. Take us away from this place.
Take me away. This one is called My Mom Was the True Exorcist All Along.
Whoa. Alright. I thought mine was. I was gonna say.
Hello, my lovely weirdos. My name is... Keeley, pronounced like Kiwi, but with an L instead of W. And yes, you can use my name.
I love that name. Keeley. That's cute. I'm a fairly new listener and I found you through Crime Countdown.
Nothing will ever stop blowing my mind like that.
That's really fun. It's like fun, but like crazy.
Like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Thanks. Which I found from our lovely podcast research gods.
We are so blessed. We are. are blessed we are never stressed always blessed anyway i love you i almost just dropped my phone i'm sorry I love you both so much.
I heard your first episode of Crime Countdown and fell in love with how you tell stories and aren't afraid to put your personalities into the episodes.
Aw, thanks. Thank you. They told us to do that.
After the first episode. I found morbid and have been diving into the deep end of our collective.
Am I good? Yeah, I read that. Diving into the deep end of our collective need for strange on a daily basis ever since.
I'm sure you both appreciated that sentence.
I really did. I wish I had read it better, but I do appreciate it.
I read it in my head, so it was cool. Yeah.
When I got to the most recent listener tales, I knew I had to share my story of how my mother nearly gave me a heart attack at 14. because she thought she was so funny.
Spoiler alert, 16 years later, it still isn't.
No, wait, it is. Spoiler alert. 16 years later, it is funny, but I'm still mad at her about it.
So don't tell her. I won't tell her. picture it.
Halloween. Halloween. whoa you sounded like you were like breathing into a paper bag i'm david s pumpkins That's who I felt like.
Watch that. Okay, it's Halloween 2014. Middle of nowhere, Illinois.
I just said that to piss you off. Illinois.
And not like Chicago or any well-populated area.
This is like, well, we didn't get a stop.
We didn't get a stoplight in town until 2010 kind of out of nowhere.
That's amazing. Anyway, I digress. My mom and I have always been huge horror movie fans.
My dad doesn't get it whenever a new movie comes out.
We're all over it. Well, this particular Halloween, I feel like there's gonna be a lot in here.
I decided to stay home and watch an oldie, but good knee.
A good knee. With good. An oldie but goodie with Ma and Pops the Exorcist.
I love your family. I do too. This is like goals.
To my mother's dismay, I hadn't watched it in its entirety to this point because there were so many dis- decent horror movies at the time.
Why bother with the old ones? And I was right.
While the story was compelling, the effects ruined my immersion.
My immersion. Said in the tone of a sniffly nerd pushing my glasses up my nose by the bridge.
My immersion. There you go. Anyway, after the movie, I expressed my mild displeasure of the dated effects.
Mother apparently... did not like my high quality movie critique judgment of a film that once terrified her.
I don't know. I named after Polly Pockets.
Oh, my God. Hell yes. And then she wrote, do y'all remember Polly motherfucking Pockets?
Yes. Ash might not, but I'm sure I know Elena will.
Yes. Okay. Sister, I do remember Polly Pockets and I had the fucking little um like the whole fucking outdoor pool set where i had a damn slide that's right so i remember polly pockets i'm about to fight this girl she's like hi Keely, I love you.
I'm kidding. Anyway, I digress. Me too. I had left the light out in my room, so I thought nothing of it when I came back inside and Oh, fuck that. to be sitting in my bed staring straight what the fuck your mom's incredible she's a legend Now, before you think my mother is some clever mastermind who thought of this way too far in advance,
The doll was some kind of knitted monstrosity, my great, great aunt. made for me for my baby shower back in 1990.
It was my height at the time. So, like, 5'3".
Holy shit, that's taller than I am. Yeah, that's horrifying.
I was going to say awful, and then I started saying horrifying, so I said hawful.
That was truly awful. That was awful. That was real awful.
It was stuffed. That's awful. It had a huge hat and a super punchable face.
My mother always insisted I keep it, so I had it buried at the bottom of my closet.
My mother and all her infinite wisdom decided I was too harsh on one of her favorite horror movies.
So after I went outside to feed the dog, she dashed to my room, found the fucking punch clown beast and set it on my bed.
So when I opened it, cracked it. When I opened the cracked door, it would be looking right at me in my fucking horrified face.
I screamed, I ran, I fell to the floor, I started to cry.
I could hear my mom in the living room laughing.
Oh my god, your mom is a This is you in a few years.
It truly is. My dad came and laid with me on the floor and comforted me while I cried.
He said, I told her not to. And all I could say in response was, she is such a bitch.
Amazing. No, my dad, a trucker and a farmer at heart usually didn't tolerate me.
Usually didn't tolerate such language out of my 14-year-old baby mouth, but for some reason, all the obvious reasons.
For some reason, the obvious ones. This time he let it slide out and responded with a holy whip.
I know honey. What a moment. Rubbing my back.
What a family moment. I love you. your family mom is dying laughing in the living room you're crying on the floor calling your mom a bitch and dad's like I know honey I told her not to.
No, 16 years later, whenever I talk about horrific pranks with friends or family, it always gets brought up.
I love my mom to the moon and back. but I have yet to forgive her for nearly ruining our relationship over the fucking exorcist I mean it's a great movie I love it Um, that's all I've got for this one, ladies.
Thank you, and as always and usual, keep it weird but that's the way that you freak the shit out of your teenage daughter to the point of her crying and calling you a bad name and not and then not being forgiven for it 16 years later Bye.
And then there's a follow-up email that says, 5 a.m., freak out realizing I meant poltergeist, not the exorcist.
Ugh. Thank you. Because this entire time I was like...
And then I was like, there's a clown in Poltergeist.
That's like the clown in Poltergeist. Thank you, Keely.
I didn't even see that before. So I'm real glad you sent that.
There's like a whole curse around The Exorcist and Poltergeist.
Yeah, there is. That would be a fun episode.
Like cursed movies. Maybe we'll do that one.
I think I just had a really good idea. Maybe we'll just do that one.
On the show. Live on the air. Live. That's what I was trying to think of saying.
On the show. On the show, live. We got this. so my next one i don't know how it made it into our little like folder for this episode but I don't think it has anything to do with Halloween, but I'm going to read it anyways because this one's really funny.
Do it. Sorry, I just clicked my computer.
Not funny, but like scary. And the way they write is really funny.
This one's called Actually Thrown Off the Road by Devil Worshippers.
Bro what? I love that it just says bro what?
That's what it's called. Hey weirdos, I love your podcast and listen to it every single day.
You guys are actual saints and have helped me navigate my life during this shitstorm of a year. currently wearing my Murder Apparel merch crew neck as I'm typing this.
Yay! Yay! P.S. I'm a garbage ass person that hasn't taken it off in two days because it's that comfy.
But I digress. Look at that. That's fine.
I wear the same thing for like three days.
Oh yeah. We're all in this together. I have one shirt that I wear all the time and every time I put it on, I go out to Annie and I'm like, look at my new shirt.
She's like, I've been wearing that for six days.
So I'm Sorry this is so long, but I promise you it's 100% worth it.
And if this ends up in an episode, I might actually shit myself.
Better change your pants. I hope you shot.
I hope you shot. Hold on to your motherfucking butts.
No, you. No, you. You said that. Get it?
Because they're going to shit. No, you do it.
No, you hold on to your mom. The listener's tale I'm going to be telling you is one of the most terrifying and scariest nights of my life.
Surprisingly, I have quite a few of these tales as I was a reckless, hormonal, and angsty teenager and clearly didn't think out my actions, but YOLO, or whatever today's kids say, right?
What do today's kids say? Anywho, back when I was 16, me and my eight friends were thick as thieves.
We all had some pretty shitty and dark things happen to us during the years of our friendship, and it made us closer than family.
There was literally a rumor around our school that we were into a secret mafia cult shit because of how we ride or die, how ride or die we were for each other. currently cringing at the use of that wording."
That's what she said, not me. I love it.
Yeah. If one of us was going to fight, we were all in that bitch ready to swing.
You know, super casual high school shit, right?
Jesus Lord, we were heathens. For this story... it's really important to understand just how close we were our friendship was based on truth respect in the way our childhood and other experiences fucked us up We didn't lie to one another.
And the only time we did this... And the only time we did was if and only if...
Everyone else agreed that it was to protect one of us.
Wow. As I'm typing this, I'm starting to see why people thought we were in some kind of gang.
LMFAO. i think you were i think you might have been i don't know if you know it but i think you might have been For the sake of privacy, I'll be changing everyone's names.
I live in the suburbs about an hour away from Chicago.
And before you... Oh, wow. We're really getting with Chicago now.
I was going to say this became Chicago Halloween themed.
Halloween. Chicago. That's what it's about.
I love it. And before you ask, yes, it's true.
We do have the greatest pizza in the world and no one.
And no, you never put ketchup on a hot dog.
Fuck that. I'm with you on that. You put mustard on a hot dog.
You put both, actually. Yeah, sometimes you do that.
I thought the way you were looking at me, I was like, oh, you're like, oh, we're going to fight.
That would be insanity. Anyway, the suburb that I live in has a bunch of country back roads.
And yes, this is where this horrifying experience occurs.
Of course it does. Out here, there's a famous house that everyone knows about.
It's on a road called Johnson Road, and so the house is called Johnson.
The Johnson House. Oh my God. No way. Spook, spook.
What a creative name. The road has literally no light posts and is a couple miles long.
There are other homes on the road that people live in except the Johnson House.
So let me go ahead and set the scene for this oh-so-famous home.
It had a long uphill gravel driveway surrounded by brush and trees that was super hidden from the road.
That's right, this spooky ass house was on top of a fucking hill.
I cannot mix this shit up. So when you drive up this hill...
You don't see the house until you're damn near at the front door.
It was old and decrepit. Every single window had been broken out from years of vandalism and the siding was damn near paled off.
So it was all just wood framing. a pure country horror fixer-upper for sure.
So one night at 1 a.m., me and my four friends from our group decided to go on a late night country cruise while the others were hanging out with their boyfriends.
You know, drive around, listen to absolute... bangers like every time we touch by cascada every time we touch i get this feeling You knew that was happening.
And all the other 90s to 2000s goodies. smoke some weed, and waste a fuck ton of our $6 per gallon gas.
$6 a gallon? Oh, honey, you don't even know.
Six dollars a gallon. You don't. even know.
That happened? That happened. What the fuck?
We used to scrounge up. change at the bottom of our car to pay for gas it was six dollars and we could do that and it would last us all night Like we would literally look under the seats, find quarters and nickels and dimes and be like, cool.
We can get a couple gallons and boom. That's nuts.
Yeah. Yeah, that's right. She also wrote, thank you, recession.
Jane was driving her old ass car that broke down regularly and had the baldest tires I'd ever seen in my life.
Tori was in the passenger seat and me, Claire, and Bonnie were in the back.
We had obviously all heard stories of this super scary house and decided it was a marvelous idea to go up there and smoke. truly thriving cue facepalm emoji so when we get into the road and go about a half mile down, we turn down the volume of our jam session and flash the brights to see.
We see the beginning of the gravel driveway and turn in.
We get about halfway up the driveway until we're no longer seen by the road, turn off the lights, and park.
To be honest, we really only went there to smoke where no one else could see us and to be a little creeped out while we did so.
Don't ask me why the hell we thought this would be a good idea.
I still don't really have an answer to how stupid we used to be.
So there were really So there we were getting ready to enjoy the devil's lettuce when we see a pair of lights pop up from the top of the hill.
Not just any lights, a pair of headlights.
Obviously we start to panic, thinking it's the police and we're about to get arrested for a tiny nugget of weed that we haven't hadn't even got to smoke this was before this year when it came when it became illegal no legal or oh i'm sorry legal Jane turns her headlights back on, which we were all super pissed about,
Again, we thought we were about to get arrested, so obviously we didn't want to, we didn't want whatever kind of car to see we were there.
We just wanted to dip out casually and leave.
So what ended up happening was way worse.
The headlights at the top of the hill turn off, immediately followed by the turning on the car's brights.
The vehicle revs its engine. And it's then that we realize this isn't just a car, it's a massive-ass truck.
The truck starts barreling down the driveway heading straight towards our car.
Oh, my God. Jane throws the car in reverse, but her goddamn tires were so bald so that they didn't pick up any traction on the gravel.
Somehow, we finally caught traction and got the hell out of the driveway right before the truck would have hit us.
When we get back into the road and look behind us, the giant ass fucking truck is speeding like hell to catch up to us.
And when it finally does, it smashes into our bumper.
At this point, we can't see who's driving because this douche nozzle brights are in our faces and we are full blown pedal to metal.
We blew through four different one-way stop signs just trying to lose this truck, but it was on our ass.
If you have ever driven on a country road, you would know how dangerous blowing a single stop sign is.
The miles per hour on these roads go up to 70 miles per hour.
And if you're in the wrong place in the wrong time, you get creamed blowing that stop sign.
That's so scary. Before we knew it, the truck was next to us in the oncoming traffic lane. side-swiping and pushing us off the road into a ditch.
A motherfucking ditch. I still have no idea how or why, but by some grace of God, this little trash bag of a car went straight into the ditch. and as fast as we flew in we hit a bump on the ground and flew right out holy shit wow By now, the back bumper is scraping on the ground, the driver's side mirror has been completely torn off, and we were dialing 911.
Oh, my God. Why didn't you call as soon as they hit the bumper, you ask?
Oh, maybe that's because there was no cell reception.
I didn't even think of why they didn't do that.
Straight out of some scary-ass film. We finally start to see our town's lights. and go straight to the police station, still no cell service, as soon as we hit the town's limits where there was a subdivision, we turn in.
If anything to take a shortcut to the police station.
The truck follows us. and makes a U-turn to start heading back to where we just had our death drive, but stops underneath one of the street lamps.
We start slowing down and looking behind us to try and see who the fuck just tried to ram us off the road. three men get out of the truck oh my god i'm really stressed out i know i wish i had a hoodie on fully covered in black pants and hoodies, and you could clearly see their hands and shoes were covered in something bright red.
They did some weird huddle, glance up at us, and get back in the truck and start driving away like nothing had happened.
We noticed there was no license plates and we were floored.
We went straight to the police station, filed a report, and they took our statements, but there wasn't much they could do because of the... because of the jurisdiction and we basically had nothing to go off of.
That's when the police told us that no one had lived in that house for the past 20 years due to the fact that a man had murdered his entire family and then shot himself afterwards.
Shut the fuck up. The car was basically totaled and got sent to a junkyard.
It was well past its expiration date anyway.
A few days went by and Jane was pissed she didn't have a car anymore.
Like I said before, we were some badass teenagers, so when one of us was pissed...
We were all pissed. So what do you think would be the smart idea?
To go back to that hellhole of a house during the day and cuss out the motherfuckers who destroyed her car.
No. No, no, no. Bad idea. Bad idea. I'm telling you, we were wild and dumb as shit for that matter.
You were. You definitely were. You sure were.
We got baseball bats, hammers, and pepper spray and were ready.
Like, bruh. What the fuck were we thinking?
So we get to the house at like 1pm when the sun is shining.
Drive our asses up this long ass driveway in two different vehicles and all eight of us girls get ready to fuck some shit up.
That's honestly incredible. It really is. incredible but when we get there it's silent like overly silent We start walking towards the side of the house and notice some strange things.
Four bright red empty gallons of paint. We see that the door to the house doesn't even exist and walk in.
We split up into two four-person groups and start walking around.
Uh-huh. From the other room, we hear Jane say, you guys get in here.
And we all come rushing in. It was then that we see giant fucking devil signs and symbols painted all over the walls.
Every single one of us booked it the fuck out of there and never looked back.
That's right. We noped right the fuck out of there.
We got back to Tori's house. We went straight inside and grabbed some wine because duh.
After we calmed down and got a good buzz, we went back to the cars to unload the bats and other random ass wannabe weapons that we had brought and all.
And we all froze. On both car bumpers were bright red strokes of paint.
Whoever painted that shit on the walls in that house had been outside watching us the whole fucking time. and we had never seen them.
To this day, I can't explain why those men chased us or what the hell was written on those walls.
But from then on, everything just seemed different.
Some girls started lying to each other. Others started resenting each other for basically no reason. and everything throughout the years, our friendships all started to fade away.
I only keep in contact with two of the girls now.
A few of the others moved away and have families and one got sucked into drugs and sex work in the city oh no the spookiest part of the story that house was set on fire a few years after on Halloween!
There it is. That's how it got in there.
On Halloween night. and nothing was left of it.
Oh no, that's not the spookiest part. The spookiest part is that when our town's local news page, The Patch, uploaded the article.
We have a patch. We have a patch too. In posted pictures of the fire you can clearly see a fucking skull face in the motherfucking flames.
And yes, I linked the post and the photo where I've circled the face.
No, so that's my listener tale. Sorry again for the length and horrible writing skills.
I haven't looked at it yet. Love you guys and keep it weird, but not so weird that you're into some crazy satanic shit where a man murdered his entire family and killed himself and tried to run into a with girls off the road in a big-ass truck and watch them when they come back to fuck you up and paint on their cars to scare the shit out of them and burn the house down a few years later. all right number one you did like a really good job but number two i was just staring at the photo the entire time you did that my entire fucking body is covered in fucking goosebumps and I need to see this.
I'm freaked the fuck out. I'm looking right now.
She circled it. It's insane. Hold on because.
I've never seen anything like that. It's insane.
I'm upset. I'm looking. needing um hey arnold in my life right now hey arnold it won't download on my thing do you want me to hold it up oh wait here it is i see it good timing Oh, yeah.
Oh. Yeah, I like stopped looking at it. I looked at it too long, I feel.
Oh, and it looks perturbed. It does. I'm going to go home and sage myself after looking at that.
Oh, it looks like it's like... Um, okay.
It looks like it's looking at me. That's one way to interpret that.
I think it's going. That's what it's saying.
No, get it. Do you get it? Do you get it?
Thank you. Thank you for clearing that.
Thank you. Thank you. Do you get it? Murder.
That's funny. Oh, fuck. Wow. So you know what?
Thank you very much, undamed, unnamed person.
Undamed. I won't say your name because I don't know if you want me to.
So thank you so much. Ooh. But holy shit, what a wild ride.
That's so nuts. what a truly wild ride so they were in there watching them the entire time And then painted red on there.
So they were all red from painting. all that shit inside the house.
And then saw them, chased them down, ran them off the road.
Wow. Then suddenly we're like, I think that's enough. think that's enough i think our work is done for tonight a little huddle we're like good work good work i think they saw how resilient you were and they were like well They were like, well, those are badass bitches, so we should move on.
Wow. And then you're in the house and they're watching your ass the whole time and then paint on your bumpers.
Yeah, that's, wait, so. That's a real, that's weird flex.
Weird flex, not okay. Not okay. Did they paint the bumpers and you just like didn't see them there?
No, they literally, while they were in the house looking at all this shit.
Those dudes were outside watching them do this and then just like swiped paint on the back of their bumpers so that they knew they were watching them.
Okay, I get it now. Wow. I was lost a little.
Ash is having a moment this episode. I know.
You know what it is? She's just, it's the end of the week.
She's having a real moment. I thought she was saying they were watching them the whole time the first time they went there.
Now I realize that I'm dumb. And that...
It was the second time. Yeah, they were watching the whole time they went back.
And then they swiped like red paint on their bumpers to be like, hey, we were watching you.
That's so much scarier than what you thought.
That could be a really good movie. It really could.
And also, why do they just let you go after that?
You know what? I claim the rights to this story.
For a movie. I don't know if that's how that works.
I declare bankruptcy. I knew you were going to say that.
I literally knew it. oh so this is mine now thank you for that so so i'm gonna take that i'm gonna take that wow All right.
This one is called Let's Not Use Sacrificial Virgin Blood on Ouija Boards.
Don't do it. Let's not. Don't do it. Hey girls.
Hi from Toronto. Firstly, I'd like to say I absolutely love, love, love your podcast.
I listen to it all the time at work and get weird looks when I laugh to myself since we're not supposed to have earphones in and nobody knows why the fuck I'm always randomly laughing.
That's amazing. And also Canada. Yes. Canada.
AirPods backwards and use your hair to cover it.
Best trick ever. I swear. Anyway, that is really, that really is really smart.
I don't have long hair though. Anyway, I found you guys a little more than a month ago and I've listened to every single episode.
I'm actually 23 too and a Capricorn too.
So it's like both of us. It's both of us mashed together.
So loved that connection so much. Please come visit Toronto soon I'd love to see a show.
I even got my mom hooked on your podcast.
If you guys read this on your podcast, a little shout out to my sage-wielding bad bitch of a mom who got rid of a demon for me.
Oh. Love this. There's so many cool moms here.
I know. That's incredible. Also, it just occurred to me that I'm not 23.
I'm 24 now. Oh, you're not. I literally just forgot how old I was.
You definitely aren't. Wow. Anyways, let me explain this from the beginning.
I was 16. Picture super angsty scene girl.
I always wanted to be a super angsty scene girl.
Who didn't? Never worked for me. Diamonds.
Diamonds. Yeah. smelt more like a church does because I'm pretty sure there's incense in every crevice of wood in my home at this point.
And I also have a mother who is sensitive to that stuff that I called bullshit when I was young.
Because the idea of daemons and ghosts just never sat right with me.
And in my true Capricorn fashion, I need to see those red eyed, dark shadowed, straight from the bowels of hell motherfuckers before I believe in them.
Oh, I feel you. And girls, see one I did.
Ooh. She saw a diamond. She saw a diamond!
Hold on to your butts because this one, this is one nasty ride and it all starts with a best friend I have to this day oh no no no a best friend i to this day wish i never met oh I'm going to name this crazy friend Gretchen because I hate her in the name almost as much as I despise this girl.
Whoa, Gretchen Wieners, watch out. I was just going to say.
And none for Gretchen Wieners. Bye. That's why her hair is so big.
It's full of hair. It's full of diamonds.
Gretchen was one of those people who was really into the spirit realm, but honestly.
Oh, excuse me. And honestly, if anyone dabbles in that girl, you do you.
If it doesn't hurt anyone, who cares? This girl, not so much.
Her and her family fucked around with Ouija boards all the time and had to move out of not one, but two houses.
Because shit apparently went fucking bonkers in their house on a day-to-day basis.
Damn. So here's where I get sucked into her...
And to her, I think I'm a witch, so I'm going to mess with shit I don't understand because my parents are clearly terrible influences.
But it's okay because I watched The Craft one time and I'm totally an expert on handling ghosts and demons bullshit.
Uh-oh. I feel like that was us at one point.
I was just going to say, I feel personally attacked.
I feel like we were those friends to somebody.
Oh, shit. Somebody that I used to be friends with is listening to this right now.
Like, that reminds me of you, Ashley. Yeah.
Fuck my Gretchen. Shit. Damn it. Halloween night 2014.
Keep in mind, I found this all out after.
Gretchen and her family decided it was a great fucking idea to play with the Ouija board An even better psychotic idea is that they cut her hand and used virgin blood on the board.
What? her parents need to talk to someone i feel like uh that's some bullshit i feel like that's not all right maybe don't do that You did not read that wrong.
They cut the hand of their own daughter so it could bleed on the Ouija board as some virgin blood.
Yeah, that's a lot. Excuse me, virgin sacrificial blood.
I cannot make this shit up. You know what would have been so fucking funny?
And this is just like me being a dick. what if she was like i'm not a virgin and they really got mad oh and then they were like you're grounded get out of here and that was the end of the ouija board sesh uh that was it Also, to anyone listening, don't be don't just don't be stupid.
Put the board away. Jan, the ghost. Jan, the ghost can't tell you if Kyle likes you.
It's true. They can't. How the fuck are they supposed to know?
I always wondered that too. Anyway, back to the story.
This wannabe witch comes into my house the next day for a sleepover, and my cat is going bonkers, which she never does.
But when I say bonkers, I mean meow screaming and running up and down the stairs in a senseless panic type bonkers.
Damn. I, of course, just brush it off, cats being cats.
I've never seen my cat do that. You know, cats be cats sometimes.
Cats be catting. She sleeps over. nothing happened she goes home and that's when steph went south real quick oh no she left her badness at your place she left out damon She rubbed it off.
She left her diamond at your house. That's no good.
For the next week, my family is at each other's throats arguing over stupid stuff, screaming, and honestly just being downright terrible to each other.
Well, you know, that happens. This is something that honestly never happens.
Oh, okay. I didn't even know that's what the next statement was.
That happens. This honestly never happens.
Well, shit. Okay. Because we've always been a close family and it was such vicious arguing.
Oh, I'm sorry. That's upsetting. While all this is going on, my cats and birds are going batshit crazy too.
My mother at the end of the week just comes into my room at night and says, your friend brought something into the house.
You're fucking... Bitch ass friend left her diamond.
And also Kyle doesn't like you. The demon told me.
All right, Jan. And my teenage dumbass says... My dumbass teenage...
Teenage dumbass was like, all right there, Glenda.
Ooh, so scary. And I remember she just looked at me like, oh yeah, bitch.
Oh yeah, bitch. Okay. She just says, don't come to me if something happens and walks out of my room.
She dropped a mom bomb. Mom bomb. She was like, okay, little girl.
Okay, little bitch. You think you're so big and tough?
Don't come to me if something happens. You little bitch ass bitch. you know mom shit me as a mother you little bitch ass bitch I honestly don't think... Okay, I'm okay.
I honestly didn't think anything of it until the next night, 3 a.m.
I woke up in a panic and I saw these massive spiders crawling down towards my head from the ceiling.
And I automatically thought I was dealing with the sleep paralysis.
She didn't say the sleep paralysis. I thought I was dealing with the sleep paralysis. with sleep paralysis, but I could wiggle my fingers and toes, so that was a big nope.
When I realized I could move, I real quick rolled to get out of my bed And the moment I rolled to my right to get my feet on the ground, there was a face in front of mine.
Yeah. Mouth wide fucking open. Eyes red.
Crouched so its face could be next to mine.
Oh, and not moving. When I tell you I lost my shit, I lost my motherfucking shit.
I just lost my shit for you. My shit's gone.
My shit just ran out the door. My shit moved to Illinois.
I started screaming Bloody Mary. I called God himself on speed dial.
On speed dial prayer in that moment. How does that work?
I would do the same thing. I legit thought I was gonna die.
Honestly, bless my parents. They came barreling in like some half-asleep knights ready to kill whatever it was the second the light was on.
Any good parent is a half-asleep night in the middle of the night.
Honestly, I've seen tits. I've seen it.
And the second the light was on, of course the spiders and the diamond was gone.
At that point, I was sobbing and telling my mother I would be the best child in the world as long as she got rid of it.
It's so sad. Yeah. He lifted his sweatpants up.
Oh, my God. And I shit you not on his leg. was what looked like three scratch marks running down the outside of his calf.
That is a daemon. That is a straight up daemon because they only have three fingers.
They do always. I knowned it. I'd known it.
I lost my mind and my mom went warrior bad bitch in that moment because it's the one Because it's one thing to scare her dumbass teenage daughter.
That probably deserved a good scare. It's an entirely different playing field when you touch her man.
Yes. This cunt. This cunt. This cunt. Cunt.
Cunt. And she wrote Irish accent. Irish accent here.
Ran down the stairs, lit incense, and started smudging...
The entire house, top to bottom, threatening this thing to get the fuck out of her house and straight back to where it came from.
Amazing. I am not joking when I say the air in that moment got 50 times lighter.
It was nuts. Everything seemed to just be okay in that in that moment.
I have no idea to this day what the hell happened.
Took me two weeks to go back to my room to sleep alone.
I felt safer with my dad, a bat and an incense and sage wielding badass in the same room.
Yep. Two, when I told Gretchen everything that happened, she finally told me what she did on Halloween and didn't see Why on earth I'd be so upset with her and told me I was just being dramatic because she was used to it and it wasn't so bad.
Oh, Gretchen. Can we see why I'm not friends with the crazy lady?
Yeah, no more Gretchen. When demons are not bad.
Three, I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever touch a Ouija board And I will never second guess the existence of things I can't see.
Leprechauns, you betcha. Fairies? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Ghosts? Yuppers. Demons? Hell yeah. Pun intended.
Santa Claus? Ho ho, happy to agree. I don't care what it is.
Just keep it away from me as long as I live.
That was my favorite. I got the creeps writing.
That's awesome. I got the creeps writing that all down and it's 4 a.m.
So I guess I won't be sleeping tonight. I'm so sorry this is so long and rambly.
I really hope you guys enjoyed that little crazy bit of my life.
I still sleep with some sort of nightlight in my room or light in my room at 23.
So I think it may have messed me up a little bit, but I'd say so.
It's okay. Makes a good story for my non-existent kids when I want to make sure that the little tyrants never touch a Ouija board.
Hell yeah. Can you banish your own kids from your house if they do?
I mean, I'm gonna. Honestly? I'm going to use your story to ban a Ouija board in my house.
I always think about that. I always think about having kids and their dumb little asses bringing a fucking Ouija board into my house.
I'm just going to tell them this story. I'd be like, you don't pay the mortgage, so.
Well, you know what, Layla, I'm really thanking you for this story because I'm going to use it.
I'm stealing it. I'm stealing another story.
She says, I feel like that should be the law.
Also, you're a stealer. I am. Anyway, thank you so much for being amazing, morbid and hilarious people.
You make my day so much better by just existing.
Wow. You make our day better just by existing.
Have a wonderful week. Keep safe and keep it weird. but not so where that you use a Ouija board on Halloween night where your parents use your blood as a virgin sacrifice because you think you're a witch and you need to move out of two houses. and you bring a straight from hell red-eyed crouching weird-ass demon to your best friend's house and have no idea why she would be so mad that you brought an actual demon into her house and fucked her up for the rest of her young adulthood.
Not that weird. Not that weird. Wow. Wow.
Wow. Layla. Layla. I'm so glad you dumped Gretchen.
Gretchen, she was way in the down. Gretchen sounded like, like chill.
But like, not chill. She sounded not chill.
But she sounded so chill when she was like, I'm just used to it.
But it's like you're used to it, but don't bring it into other people's houses.
I know. I wonder like. What's wrong with you?
How did, did she do it on purpose? I think she just came in there.
She let that little Damon just jump off her back.
How do you get it off of you? How do you say, like, this seems like a good place for you?
She became his fucking demon realtor. She did.
She showed him some houses. She was like, do you see that this has a lovely view of the northern part of this? three and a half baths full fucking backyard damon There's hardwood floors in here, Damon.
Do you see it? They're a little creaky. That's right.
It just adds to the character of the home.
See that? There's pocket doors. You don't see that in every house, Damon.
Oh, two shower heads in the bathroom. Oh, the closet space.
Oh, a California king comes with the house.
And you could make this an office, Damon.
And he was like, sold. Appliances included.
Sold. Sold. And he stayed. No, he was like, sold.
Sold. I'll stay. That's what he did. And then he said, he put his three fingers up and he went, yep.
High fives. No. High three. Garsh. Garsh.
Oh guys, we hope you enjoyed this installment of Halloween.
Halloween. Listener Tales. Because we managed to get Halloween in every single one of those.
I think that this might have been... The most ridiculous listener tales of all time.
So you know what, guys? High three to all of you out there.
There you go. High three. High three. We did it together.
We got through it. Thank you so much for your listener tales.
They are truly extraordinary. You never disappoint.
Never. I never laugh as hard as when I read your fucking listener tales.
They are awesome. I'm going to learn how to read again so that they're better.
I'm actually teaching the girls phonics right now, so maybe I'll refresh my memory. along the way Ash will hook herself back onto phonics and we'll all get through this together no I think I need a new fucking prescription glass I think you do glass glasses dude i need new see i can't even talk words i need new prescription glass so we'll get through that And yeah, so make sure you keep an eye out for that.
Add free bonus random episode next week.
About... Halloween. Samhain. About Samhain.
Or Samhain, as some people call it. Some of you call it.
Some of you fucking people who are wrong.
I'm going to let you in on something. Until about three hours ago.
Until about three hours ago. You know, the entire time you were saying Samhain, I thought it was just like a kid that died.
There you go. Okay. So that's where we are.
So look out for that. And also. two other episodes next week.
One that has been highly requested. And it's highly fucked up.
And it's highly disturbing. So get ready for that.
And we love you guys. Thanks. In the meantime, you can follow us on Instagram at Morbid Podcast.
Hit us up on Twitter at Amorbid Podcast.
Send us a Gmail. Morbidpodcast.gmail.com.
And make sure that you're going to be really fucking fresh to death this Halloween.
Halloween. And shop at shop.morbidpodcast.com where you can get a bunch of fucking great fucking merch fuck.
Thank you. We hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it.
Weird. Elena remix. Bye. But not so weird that you get run off the road by a truck Satanist and then they watch you and they put red paint on your bumpers for no reason and then you're a lady named Gretchen. and you come over to your best friend's house and you leave a diamond there because you put some sacrificial virgin blood on a Ouija board with your family because you guys are weird.
And don't live in a sorority house with a guy named Shackelford who's going to brand your booty with an S. Your booty.
Not your booty. don't live in a haunted house and don't acknowledge that it's a haunted house with all the shit like a cookie sheet flying off the thing and somebody saying hi Sheba and everybody's like I didn't hear that I don't know what's going on this is Haunted and also don't what no I was just I was just saying don't fuck up my gym man You threw off my groove.
You threw off my groove. Also, don't actually...
Totally be one of those moms that puts a fake clown on your teenage kid's bed after you watch The Poltergeist because they made fun of it. of the special effects because those effects are awesome to this day that's like a perfect haunted movie so don't fuck with that And also, don't wake up your fiance with ASMR being like, someone's in the house.
Don't be that weird. It's me. Don't be that weird.
That was really good. I'm so proud of you.
I don't know. Yours is way better. No, no, no.
You did me proud. I tried. Thank you. No, no, no.
No, no, no. Good job. Bye. No, no, bye. If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.
