The following podcast is a dear media production.
Hello, welcome to or welcome back to Try Not to Care.
If you're new here, hello, my name is Ashley, I post every single Monday, and I just yap your ear off for like 30 to 40 minutes.
I love to talk. That's from Shrek.
If you don't know, I quote that very often.
If you're a follower of mine, I'm always like, I love to talk.
But um, Happy September.
How was it September?
I feel like every single year around like September, October, I'm like, what the fuck?
Like what did I do from January up until now?
It's like I dissociate from January up until my birthday, and then like summer happens, and then September happens, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
But I'm actually loving it.
Like it's a brisk 60 out today.
I'm wearing a sweater.
I was just drinking a pumpkin spice latte, and I love it.
I love being able to do that without an annoying bitch in my ear being like, it's not fall.
Okay, well, it feels like fall.
Anyways, I'm actually really excited for today's episode because, well, my friend and I were texting, and we have agreed that there's something in the air.
Something is going on because for the past like two weeks, everything is just setting us off.
Like everyone and everything is pissing us off.
And I have just been so emotional, as I always am, like there's no surprise there.
But lately, like when I get in a bad mood, it's so hard for me to shake.
And that's just not productive.
As much as I will die on the hill, that you should feel your emotions and you shouldn't fake a smile.
Like you should feel how you feel.
I don't think staying in a bad mood and just being miserable is productive, especially when you have things to do, people to see you're booked, you're busy.
And especially when there's so many good things happening, I just I think it's wasteful to be so in your head and use all of your energy to be negative.
And lately, I've been a little negative and I don't like it.
So today's episode is just an episode that I want to make because I know it's something that I need to hear.
And it's an episode that personally, I would seek out if I was having a bad day, like I'm probably going to come back and listen to myself next time I'm having a hard day and I can't shake it.
So I'm going to give you some of my tips on how to move through a bad day and get over it.
So you're not stuck feeling so miserable and doomed.
I want to talk about mindset, but I also want to give you some tips, like things that you can do when a bad day hits.
So with that being said, let's get into today's episode.
Obviously, I can only speak for myself and go based off of the conversations I've had with other people.
But when I'm having a bad day, and I'm not taking care of myself, I tend to associate that bad day with a bad life.
Like I get so worked up that I'm like, wow, everything's so awful.
Nothing ever works out for me.
And I hate my life, all because I had one inconvenient day.
And the reason that I get like that is because I allow everything that's been stressing me out or that's been upsetting me that happened maybe a week ago or a month ago or a year ago to surface and pile up.
Like one thing happens or a couple of things happen that are inconvenient or that annoy me.
And all of a sudden I have a pile of things that are pissing me off or that they're all I can focus on.
And this bad day turns into my whole year sucked.
My whole life has been awful.
Because that's all my brain is reminding me of, of all these things that didn't work out for me, or that were embarrassing, or all the times that I failed, or I wasn't included, or that I just felt less than.
Like let's say that you're having a bad day.
For example, you're late to work, and then your co -worker is being a biatch to you.
And you're stressed out because you're tight on money, and you have to pay bills.
And maybe your friends aren't texting you back, and your boyfriend and you are fighting.
And all this is happening.
And then you're crying and you're having a meltdown, right?
Which makes sense. But it's not even because all of the stressors during the day that are upsetting you.
It's because all of the stressors have led you to start thinking about everything else that you're stressed about, and everything else that isn't working in your life.
Like you were stressed out and upset about being late to work, but now you're crying over the fact that you went through a friendship breakup three years ago.
That's what I struggle with.
It's like I'm upset about this one thing that happened today.
But now I'm worked up over something completely different.
Because I'm allowing all these other things that I've been stressed out about or upset about to pile up.
And now I'm having a meltdown.
Because that one inconvenient thing that happened today pushed me over the edge.
It's like you allow one bad day to become evidence for everything else that's gone wrong in your life.
Like your friends aren't texting you back.
And you have this lightbulb moment of like, Oh my God, my friends aren't texting me back because they hate me.
And my friends have always hated me.
And everyone's always hated me.
Like I've never been able to make good girlfriends.
And I've always felt excluded.
I'm just annoying. And no one likes me.
And it's like, No, like your friends don't hate you.
They're probably just busy.
They're probably at work.
They're probably dealing with something else.
But you're making this one bad day or this one bad moment mean more than it does.
But it's hard to recognize that in the moment when you're having a bad day, because all you're thinking about is all the negativity.
For me, it's hard to go on about my day when I'm feeling anxious and I'm feeling really low.
It's difficult for me to just jump right back into work and go hang out with my friends and put on a good face or even like sit down and eat dinner with my boyfriend.
It's hard to do any of that without feeling like I'm going to burst into tears, because all I can think about is all the things that are bothering me.
And the reason I said that I need this episode to like for myself, and I need to listen to it for myself is because I am recognizing that it's not productive for me to just be consumed with negativity.
All because I have a bad day.
It's not productive for me to start thinking like, oh, I had a bad day.
So everything else in my life sucks and there's nothing I can do.
Because there are so many things that I can do.
I'm just not allowing myself to do them because I want to feel like shit.
And that's the truth.
When I feel like shit, I want to continue feeling like shit.
I want to be a victim.
I want to feel bad for myself.
And that's not productive.
And I'm not talking about if something traumatic happened.
That's a whole other story.
I'm just talking about if you had a bad day, things aren't going well today, and you're allowing that bad day to affect you more than you should.
So I want to go over how I think you should work through a bad day and what has helped me and what I would tell someone or tell any of you if you came to me being like, hey, I'm having a really bad day.
What should I do? This is what I think you should do.
This episode is sponsored by Fium.
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This episode is sponsored by Quora.
Not to get super personal, but my periods are so bad, I am down bad during my period, especially the first few days.
And when I'm on my period, I want to be in love with Quora.
I'm a tampon girly, but on days where I'm not bleeding a lot, but I still need something, I love using Quora's new Made to Move period pads.
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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
I think a lot of us struggle to try new things because we're afraid of failing, but trying new things and learning how to do new things is so important when it comes to growth.
Kids are always learning and growing, but as adults, we sometimes lose that curiosity and courage to try something new.
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been matched with is right for you, you can switch at any time with no additional cost until you're happy and comfortable.
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So I love that BetterHelp gives you the option to change therapists whenever and however many times you need to.
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Now let's get back to the episode.
Like I said, I will die in the hill that you need to feel your emotions.
I think it's silly to push down your emotions and pretend they're not there, which a lot of us do, like when we're upset, when we're angry, we don't want to express that to other people because we think it's an inconvenience or we don't want to be confrontational or we don't want to upset anyone, so we
just bury it deep down and we don't confront why we feel the way that we do or even when we're alone, we don't want to think about why we're actually upset because we don't want to deal with it.
We just want to keep pushing through the day and pretend like it's not bothering us, but that hurts us more than it helps us.
Like trying to hide how you feel is only going to make you feel worse.
For example, if I'm with my boyfriend and I'm really upset or I'm struggling and having a bad day but I don't want to tell him what's going on and I'm trying to hide it, that makes me feel 10 times worse because when I hide how I feel and I try to put on a good face, I feel so alone.
I almost feel ashamed that I'm feeling the way that I am and I like I feel ashamed that I'm hiding something and when I'm hiding how I'm actually feeling and I'm not being open and honest with him, I feel so disconnected from him and I just make the situation harder than it needs to be, but when I open
up and I tell him like hey this is what happened, this is how I'm feeling right now, it alleviates those feelings a little bit and lets me put my thoughts into words.
It's almost like I'm releasing something because I'm feeling all these things and it's hard to make sense of them, but once I say them out loud, it's almost like I'm letting go of them.
Also, when you share with someone how you're feeling or you know what's going on with you, it can be so validating to hear that they either understand you or they relate to you or if they can't relate to you that they can give you some type of advice or some some type of support.
My boyfriend for example is very level -headed.
He's a pretty easy -going person like happy person, obviously he's a human, he's not always happy, he has bad days, but I do think he could be more positive than me at times.
I think he doesn't really harp on things the way that I do.
He's a little more easy going in that sense like not as emotional as I am, so when I get worked up over things and I'm having a bad day, he's sometimes able to step in and kind of like bring me back down to earth and either like validate me and be there for me or sometimes in a respectful manner be
like Ashley love you but like get a grip like it's not that serious and I need that but it could be hard to open up and express that I need help or I need support or I need guidance or I just like need you to slap some sense into me but even when you're alone like you're not trying to hide your emotions
from someone else but you're trying to hide your emotions from yourself because you don't want to deal with it, that's going to hurt you as well.
The more you try to suppress how you feel, the heightened those emotions become because they continue to build inside of you and if something's really upsetting you or you're super frustrated over something but you don't deal with it, it's just going to sit inside of you and then the next thing happens
and that builds on top of that and it builds and builds and builds until it comes tumbling out.
You don't need to sit there and be journaling for like 10 hours about how you feel and you don't have to over analyze something that was a little inconvenient or that upset you a little bit today and start connecting the dots of everything that's ever gone wrong in your life.
If you're just having a bad day, you don't have to be like I'm having a bad day because when I was five years old I went through something that's really traumatic, like obviously that's something that you need to work through but like you don't need to associate you stubbing your toe with that.
If you're struggling on a daily basis and that keeps resurfacing, yes that has to be dealt with, you have to dissect that and figure it out, but if you're just having a bad day, you don't need to make a bad day more than it needs to be.
Like sometimes it takes screaming into your pillow and throwing a temper tantrum like a toddler or bawling your eyes out in the shower to realize it's not that deep.
Like glad I got that out of my system but like it was never that deep.
Like every time I end up having like a meltdown and I'm like crying for an hour afterwards, I'm like what was all of that for?
Like you're being a little bit dramatic, you're doing your big one in for what?
But sometimes you need that big explosive emotional reaction to be able to release it and once you release it you're like glad that's over with, like glad we can move on and get on with our day.
And usually when I haven't cried in a while and I'm in the market for a good cry, that is when I get pissed off the easiest, that's when I'm the most reactive because there's all these things building up inside of me and I'm not releasing them.
So once I do have that good cry and I let go of everything, I'm like wow I feel so much better.
Like when I have a good cry or I word vomit into my journal or I have a little therapy session with my webcam, I feel so much better because I'm letting go of all of that and that's why it's so important to listen to your body.
I'm not feeling pissed off for no reason, I'm not feeling tense for no reason, I'm not feeling reactive for no reason.
My body is feeling these things and needs to let go of them and the more I fight it, the worse I'm gonna feel.
I think a lot of us look past how important it is to listen to our bodies and just like take things slow because things are always moving so fast, especially as adults, we're just expected to be on all the time and to be working full -time and going to school and also having hobbies and having friends
and being a good friend and being a good daughter and being a good parent and taking care of others and eating healthy and all these other things and we forget to slow down and we feel guilty when we do try to slow down.
We don't allow ourselves to relax and even when we are relaxing we aren't relaxed because we feel like shit about relaxing but we aren't able to do the things that we feel like we have to do and we're unable to show up in the way that people expect us to show up when we feel like shit.
Unfortunately for the people that think that we need to be going all the time and in order to be successful we need to be doing a million things, rest is the best thing that we can do.
When you're overworked and you're tired and you're overstimulated things seem so much harder or worse than they are.
Like think about when you're overstimulated and someone tries to talk to you or just like have a conversation with you, you're like I don't want to have this conversation.
Like I don't want to be talking to you, I don't want you to be breathing near me, you're asking for it too much, you're saying too much but like it's a normal conversation that they're trying to have with you.
It's just it seems harder than it is because you're exhausted and you need time alone.
Preferably time alone where it's quiet and then afterwards you could have that conversation and then once you have it you're like oh it wasn't that bad.
Like they weren't being annoying, they weren't doing too much.
I just mentally was unable to be there for them and have that conversation.
I know it sounds stupid but really just laying down in silence for 10 minutes or sitting outside and putting your feet in the grass.
Like you know when people say touch grass, yeah they mean it as an insult but like it actually helps you.
That actually is so beneficial for you.
Doing that, taking time to do breathing exercises, chugging water, those things will help you.
They seem dumb because they're so easy that you're like how are these supposed to help me?
Your solution to me exhausted is to touch grass but like yeah things don't need to be complicated or extravagant to be good for you.
This episode is sponsored by eHarmony.
So many of you on my videos and my DMs have asked me like when my boyfriend and I are getting engaged because you guys know that we've been together for seven years and although I would love to be engaged I know when it happens it's going to be so special and I'm just so grateful to have such an amazing
partner but I know not everyone has the same luck as I do when it comes to dating.
We've been together for seven years and it's the healthiest and happiest relationship and even friendship that I've ever been in.
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Now let's get back to the episode.
I know when you're having a bad day or you're in a bad mood it's really hard to just pull yourself out of it and go and do something but action relieves anxiety.
Like for me, something that always helps me when I'm feeling anxious or even angry is cleaning.
Like using that energy that I've been using to be mad or be upset and putting it into scrubbing or organizing or vacuuming.
Like I can let out some steam by doing that and it's in a productive way.
Now I know not everyone wants to clean every time they're having a bad day.
You're like actually that would make my day worse but I do think doing things is a way that's going to alleviate how you're feeling and more importantly doing things that you actually enjoy doing.
I didn't have a bad day yesterday but I finished watching one day on Netflix last night because last week I finished normal people and I posted on Instagram and I was like I need recommendations for shows and movies that are like normal people and so many of you recommended one day so I finished that last
night and if you watched the show you know how devastating that show was.
I literally cried the entire episode the last episode start to finish sobbing and even when I finished it I was so distraught that I started crying about other things in my life and that's not cool, that's not chill and I knew that I could not go to bed feeling the way that I did because I was just
unwell. I'm gonna be honest I was unwell so instead of going to bed upset I went downstairs I made myself a cup of tea and I worked on a painting that I started this week and then after I was painting I went upstairs and played dress to impress for like half an hour and after doing that I felt so much
better. Doing what you enjoy can be a form of self -care like I know it's not the stereotypical kind of self -care of like journaling but I knew in that moment painting and playing a video game was going to make me feel happy and it did the job.
I went to bed not crying my eyes out and I felt good when I woke up so if you're having a bad day find something that brings you joy work on a creative project like painting or drawing or making a vision board or making a playlist.
You can spend time doing your favorite hobby whether that's piano or dancing or knitting or video games or what other hobbies are there puzzles or reading, gardening, like anything that's going to take your mind off the way that you're feeling and that's not going to add to the stress that you have.
Like when I'm upset the worst thing that I can do is go on obviously there's accounts that are good for my mental health there's self -care accounts there's podcasts and things like that but I don't want to be scrolling social media and start comparing my life to other people like I know that's not beneficial
for me. Do something that you know is going to make you feel good.
Another reason I like cleaning when I'm going through it is because a lot of the time when I'm having a hard day or I'm just upset about something I'm upset because I feel out of control and cleaning for me is something that I can control.
Like I might be upset that someone isn't texting me back but that's not something that I can fix like yeah I can blow up their phone I can call them but at the end of the day they're going to make that decision whether they want to talk to me or not but if my room's a mess that's something I can fix
that's something that I can clean up.
So I think finding things that you can take control of can be very beneficial when you are struggling with that feeling of like a loss of control.
So cleaning is a really good way to do that whether that's picking up your space, doing laundry, you could wash your bedding, clean out your closet, clean your makeup brushes.
I sometimes go into organizing mode and I'll organize my closet and I'll organize my planner and I'll declutter my phone.
Self -care is another thing that is in your control and something that you can do.
You can take an everything shower, you can paint your nails, you can do a face mask, you can even go out and buy yourself flowers.
Like you might be upset that your boyfriend isn't buying you flowers but that's not something that you can control.
You can go do that.
You can do that for yourself.
I can get really stuck on something if I feel like there's no solution to it.
I kind of start spiraling because naturally we want to be in control of things we don't want to feel like we have no say in anything or like we're backed into a wall.
We want to be able to fix things and when we can't that doom feeling sinks in.
But when you really think about it if there's nothing that you can do about it there's nothing that you can do.
Like there's no point in sitting there and losing your mind over something that's not going to change or at least you can't change it.
So instead of spending your time trying to find a solution or trying to make something work that's not working, spend your time doing something that you know there's a solution for and that you do have say over and you do have control over.
That in my opinion is a really good way to redirect your thinking.
Like instead of thinking how can I fix this problem or what could I have done differently with this person?
You're shifting your attention to something like okay how can I reorganize my closet or what photos can I delete from my phone?
You might go back to thinking about that situation that upset you but at least when you go back to it you won't be as emotional or as reactive as you would have if you when you first got upset about it because you gave yourself time to go and do something else to calm down a little bit.
And at least for me when I give myself time to calm down and then I go to revisit what upset me and why I was in a bad mood I usually come to the realization that it's not that deep and the problem that I was having isn't the end of the world.
Like the world kept spinning.
The I know that comparing yourself to others isn't beneficial most times but something that's helped me is looking at my problem and then looking at bigger problems and then being like okay the problem I'm having is so minuscule.
Like some people would love to have the problem that I'm having in comparison to the problem they're having.
That's not to say that what you're upset about isn't valid.
Like just because someone has bigger problems than you doesn't mean that your problem doesn't matter but looking at it as if my problem is that I embarrassed myself in front of other people that's not the worst problem to have.
Like I'll be okay. For example there's been times where I'm having a bad day over something like someone spoke to me in a not so nice attitude or tone and then I watch a show where someone dies in it and I'm like damn that would suck.
If I was dealing with that right now I would wish that my only problem was that my friend was rude to me today.
Again it's okay to be upset about things just because they're small.
Like it's okay to feel upset but when you think about it in this way it kind of decreases the magnitude of it and it's easier for you to digest it and overcome it.
Which leads me to the last thing that helps me get out of a bad mood and that's gratitude and just being hopeful.
Gratitude has helped me so much and I know it sounds so stupid like let's just be grateful.
But I think the reason a lot of people don't practice gratitude or don't appreciate things as much as they should is because they're too focused on the things they don't have.
That they can't appreciate what they do have and they also think that when it comes to gratitude that you should only be grateful for these amazing flashy things and when they don't have them it's like what am I supposed to be grateful for?
I don't have money in my bank account.
I don't have a big house.
I don't have a significant other.
I don't love my job and because they don't have these things they think they're life is shit and they forget all the small things in their everyday lives that are blessings.
I know that it can be difficult for some people to practice gratitude like they have trouble finding things to be grateful for but I found the easiest way to be grateful for the little things is imagining not having them.
Like imagine being so excited for your morning coffee and then you go downstairs to make it and you're out of coffee or you're out of your creamer and you're like fuck like now I can't have my coffee or if I do want to have a coffee I have to go and buy one and I don't have my whole day ruined but when you
do have the coffee when you do have the ingredients to make it you don't appreciate it or think about when you're feeling sick like I know for me when I don't feel good I'm like damn it like I took my health for granted like I remember when my nose wasn't runny I remember when I didn't have a cough
I remember when I could sleep through the night like I really took my health for granted and that's the thing like we don't appreciate them we only appreciate these things when they're gone and it doesn't have to be that way like you can practice gratitude every day for the little things for your morning
coffee for your health for the weather for your friends like it doesn't have to be these extravagant things because these little things are so important and you should be grateful for them so whenever I'm struggling with gratitude I think what are things in my everyday life that if they didn't happen
or I didn't have them my life would be harder or a little depressing and usually it's things like I woke up and it wasn't raining today or I woke up and I had groceries in my house or I had the ability to talk to my parents on the phone or I got to go outside and play with my dog because realistically
in 10 years they might not be around and I'm gonna look back at this time of my life and be like wow I really miss being able to go outside and be with my boyfriend and be with my dogs on a bad day I like to practice gratitude even more than I typically do because it takes me from looking at all these
negative things that are happening in that day and it directs my thinking to more positive things you know it sucks that I woke up and I have a headache and I had to pay some bills and I'm feeling insecure but I'm grateful that I get to wake up and I don't have to go into work I get to work for myself
and I can take the day off if I need to and I get to hang out with my dogs another thing that happens when I'm having a bad day is I'll spiral and I'll be like you know what my life sucks you know nothing ever works out for me and I'm not looking forward to anything in my life ever and I start thinking
about my past and I think about my future and I just get all this anxiety about the next week or about the next month and everything that I have to do and I'm like this whole week or this whole month or this whole year is going to be awful when it's like I have no idea if it is going to be awful or what's
going to happen like I'm just making things up in my head and making myself upset for no reason instead of being negative and thinking that the next week ahead is going to be awful and everything bad is going to happen I can use that same energy and think more positively and be more hopeful and instead
of thinking this week's going to suck I can be like you know there's so much opportunity ahead for me good things are going to come I can think there's so many good things that are going to happen this week and I have no idea what they are but I'm so excited like I think a lot of us associate not knowing
with negativity and it gives us a lot of anxiety not knowing what's going to happen but just because you don't know what's going to happen and things are unknown doesn't mean that they're bad think about your past think about all the good things that have happened to you before you had no idea they
were going to happen you had no idea you were going to meet your best friend or your boyfriend or you were going to be offered that job but you did it did happen and if you didn't know those things were going to happen and you don't know what's going to happen next who's to say that the most amazing
thing isn't going to happen to you next week it makes me hopeful to know that good things can happen like I might be struggling right now I might be upset but it's not going to feel like this forever there's going to be good things coming my way and I'm going to be happy and I'm going to have fun and things
are going to be okay and I think that's the most important thing to remember that if you are having a bad day if you are struggling it's not always going to feel like this I know in the moment it can feel like there's no way out and you can't understand how things could ever get better but they will I
wish so badly that I could go back and tell my younger self that things get better because there were so many moments where I was just distraught and had no hope but that's because I didn't have the tools to reframe my thinking I was so focused on feeling bad and all these negative things my life that I
didn't even consider that there could be good things my future just because you're having a bad day doesn't mean that's going to be the theme for the rest of your life a bad day doesn't equal a bad life and also a bad day doesn't have to stay a bad day if you don't want it to you can always try to transform
it into something more and something better I hope that this episode helped you and I hope that it's something that you can come back to when you are having a bad day or you are struggling and you just need some words of encouragement and some tips like I said I'll probably use it too because I know
damn well I'm gonna need it if you're listening on Spotify let me know under this episode what you do to turn a bad day around and if you don't have Spotify you can DM me on Instagram my socials are all linked in the show notes check out my socials and follow me on there check out the sponsors of today's
episode and if you could please make sure to give Try Not To Care a five -star review if you love today's episode or if you just love me and yeah I hope you like today's episode let me know what you think and as always I love you besties I will talk to you next Monday I love you so much I will see you
next time bye besties
