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Hey, I'm Kwame Christian, host of the Negotiate Anything podcast, the top podcast for making difficult conversations easier and getting more of what you want.
Join us for practical tips and expert strategies on negotiation, conflict resolution, and leadership.
These skills are essential for success in both your personal and professional lives.
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Great. Well, hi Kwame.
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer a few questions before visiting Cleveland for Greater Cleveland Partnerships, Equity and Inclusion conference on August 6th.
We are so excited you're going to be doing a live podcast keynote there.
So, thank you. And in advance of that, we have a couple of questions we would love to just have a conversation with you about.
Thanks for having me.
Great. We're excited.
Let's start with a question about your background.
You know, you work on navigating difficult conversations with compassionate curiosity, using that as an invaluable tool to shape the way people approach conflict.
Can you share a little bit about your background and how it has led to your career and your philosophy?
So Laura, the funny thing about my story is that I came to negotiation and conflict resolution because I was profoundly bad at negotiation and conflict resolution.
So I was a people pleaser most of my life.
And it wasn't until I stumbled into a negotiation class in law school that I realized that this is a skill, not a talent I could improve.
And so for me, when I was able to see not just my difficult conversations improving, but also my life improving, I put me on this journey to help other people because at ANI, the American Negotiation Institute, we believe the best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations.
So we want to help people improve their lives, their careers and the world one difficult conversation at a time.
So thinking about one difficult conversation at a time, let's talk about the elephant in the room.
We have the words D .I.
and negotiation in the same sentence.
How do you define negotiation and what makes it such a powerful tool in the D .I.
space? So the way I define negotiation is any time you're in a conversation and somebody in the conversation wants something.
And with that very broad definition, we recognize that we're negotiating all the time.
And so the way that I think about it, I see negotiation as being shaped like water.
It will fill the shape of whatever vessel it finds itself in.
So if you are in a situation where you are a human being talking to another human being, you will be negotiating.
It's just a question of whether or not you're doing it well.
And when it comes to D .I.
equity, inclusion, whatever it happens to be, we recognize that these are goal oriented conversations.
There's a specific outcome that we're trying to get to.
And we have to recognize that there is a difference between being right and being persuasive.
You might have all of the facts, data and logic to substantiate your point and your conclusion, but it doesn't matter if the other side is not persuaded by what it is that you're bringing to the table.
And so for me, when I think about negotiation as it relates to D .I., it gives us an opportunity to have higher level conversations that are outcome oriented, where we can connect with another person, understand each other, empathize mutually and then work together to make our communities and our organizations
better places. Hello, my friends.
Before we get back to today's episode, I want to ask you a question.
Have you ever wondered how to elevate your team's negotiation game and how you can help the folks on your team have better, difficult conversations?
At the American Negotiation Institute, we offer transformative keynotes and workshops tailored to empower professionals with top tier negotiation and conflict resolution skills.
Whether it's a keynote for your next event or hands on training for your team, we've got you covered.
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Elevate, negotiate and succeed.
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You know, your visit to Cleveland, you're not giving necessarily a traditional keynote is going to be a live podcast keynote.
And I wonder if you could share a little bit about the format of that.
A live recording is a different perspective for a conference keynote.
So how will the audience get to participate and what do you hope that the audience will take away from this keynote?
I am unreasonably excited for this.
It's going to be so much fun because I think it's important to bring a little bit of dynamism to these types of conversations and conferences because it shakes things up because we get in this habit of just passively absorbing the information from the speaker and the thing is there's not an opportunity really
to wrestle with the content live in person a lot of times if you're just passively absorbing it.
So with the keynote style of an onstage live podcast, it makes it so that we are covering the things that you want to cover.
There will be an opportunity for people to submit their questions and participate in that way.
So you can actually play a role in steering the conversation in a direction that is meaningful for you.
And just changing that pattern of typical communication through the conference I think will lead to better retention and more likelihood that you're actually going to put what you learn into practice.
Well, we're really looking forward to that.
You know, I want to talk a little bit about your books because in addition to everything else, you are also a bestselling author in two of your books, Finding Confidence and Conflict and How to Have Difficult Conversations about Race.
We wanted to ask you a few questions about those.
Really, why are so many of us afraid of conflict and how can we push through that?
And regarding your second book, why are conversations about race difficult but so important?
Yeah, I think it comes down to the fear of rejection because as humans we have this desire to be accepted, whatever tribe we happen to be in, we want to be accepted.
And the pain of rejection registers through our body like a physical pain to the point where they've actually done studies where they have primed people to feel rejected and they've given them Tylenol and they felt less pain.
So when we talk about the pain of rejection, it is very real.
And so we might fear having these difficult conversations because they might say no to us.
And that feels like a personal rejection when we're talking about things like identity, beliefs and that type of stuff.
The rejection is a lot more palpable.
It is a lot deeper and more profound and the pain is more significant because it feels like we are rejecting very important aspects of our identity.
And so when we think about the fear that leads us to hold back in difficult conversations or completely avoid difficult conversations in general, that fear is going to be magnified significantly when it comes to difficult conversations about sensitive issues, whether it's race, gender, sexuality, politics,
whatever it happens to be, the stakes get higher.
And so we have to find a way to not only utilize skills that allow us to navigate the conversation productively, we also have to find a way to manage our own emotions during the conversation because what I've recognized is that in the negotiation industry, when it comes to the industry around difficult
conversations in general, what we've been doing is we have been giving recipes to people who are afraid to get in the kitchen.
You might know exactly what to do and say in the moment, but you're not going to do or say those things if you are held back by fear.
So we have to address it in two ways.
It has to be both mindset and skill set.
We have to develop a confident, strong, powerful mindset that allows us to actually take the step and engage in the conversation.
And then we'll talk about the simple skills that you need that are necessary to navigate through the conversation.
So we hope everybody does come to the conference on August 6th, but say somebody cannot make it to Greater Cleveland Partnerships, Equity and Inclusion Conference on the 6th, or they don't have access to your 47 LinkedIn Learning courses.
How can people stay connected with you and learn from you?
The easiest way is to connect with me on LinkedIn, I post every single day.
And then also, if you don't use LinkedIn, check out the podcast, negotiate anything.
We have over 1 ,200 episodes now.
We post episodes every single day.
So if you can manage to afford the high price of zero dollars, you can get access to thousands of hours of negotiation related content.
Sounds like a good deal.
And finally, why should DDI and HR professionals attend the ENI conference in your keynote podcast?
Comes down to one word.
Efficacy, you want to be effective, right?
Because again, you can have these conversations, you can do your research and you can be completely ineffective in your role.
It doesn't matter if you're just having the conversations.
All that matters is the outcome.
We have to be more outcome oriented.
So if you are recognizing that you feel compelled to have these conversations because you care, but the outcomes of said conversations are not the going the way that you want them to go.
Then we have to recognize there is a skills issue here.
And so if you are a person who wants to be more effective in their role, you have to consider the possibility that an inability to persuade may be that thing that's holding you back.
Thank you. That's a lot of the questions that I have.
Do you have anything else you would like to say, Kwame?
I'd like to say to those people who say that they might not be able to make it on August 6th, cancel whatever it is, negotiate with whoever you need to negotiate with to make it there because it's going to be a lot of fun and I'm excited to be there.
As I said before, we are very excited to have you there.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Now, before you sign off, I have something to tell you that I've never told you before.
Just kidding. I've told you before, but you should listen to it again.
I want you to know about Negotiate Anything Premium.
Imagine all of the things that you love about our traditional feed, plus so much more.
I know you like our traditional feed because you're at the end of the episode.
And with Negotiate Anything Premium, you'll get more bonus content you've been asking for, more of the expert insights that you can't get anywhere else, and more exclusive behind the scenes access into every conversation.
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With Negotiate Anything Premium, you'll have access to more high level, custom designed content and insights, giving you the tools you need to negotiate higher salaries, better deals and better relationships in your life and career.
Once I had a listener share that Negotiate Anything helped her to negotiate a $53 ,000 raise.
Could this be you? What would that mean for your life?
I've seen firsthand the impact this model has had on my life and the lives of my corporate clients, and I am confident that it can do the same for you.
Are you ready to negotiate more of the best things in life?
Click the link in the show notes to learn more.
I'll catch you later.
