What would you say for you as being one of your proudest moments or greatest achievements, or something that you really feel like and internally I mean for the basis of our conversation something that really brings you joy internally when you think about it or when you had it?
Like I said, I look back and the things that I've accomplished just even my job.
I think I really, at one point when I was younger, decided I want to be a model and this is what I want to do.
The fact that I executed because we talked about that determination.
I was 14 years old when I made that decision and was like this is what I want to do.
I went to my mom and I was like, please help me do this.
I didn't stop until I was 24.
That I was like okay, I think I need to like take it back a notch which we can also get into, because that's a very kind of dramatic story.
But, like, I...
I just knew and I think I'm proud of myself for being that kid and being determined to do that and then executing and doing it to the level that I had done it and that I guess I still do.
But I also am proud of I think more so the self-work that I've done within that process, because there was a long period of time I'd say the core five years of it that I was extremely overworked, not my happiest, not because I wasn't doing what I loved, but just because I was overwhelmed.
And I felt like I was saying yes to everything, because I felt really, really grateful and really honored to be in the position that I was in.
So I was always saying yes.
And it just took a lot out of me to the point where I just wasn't happy anymore.
And so I had to set those boundaries for myself when I was about 23, 24.
I'd say like, what, a year before the pandemic.
So, yeah, I was probably 23.
I really set boundaries for myself and I was like I want to continue to do this because this is what I love.
But I need to start saying no when I can and prioritizing me and prioritizing my happiness and my well-being.
And it has done wonders for me.
I feel like I can show up better for myself and I can show up a better person for the people that get to be around me that day and that I work with on that day.
Yeah, that's what I'm proud of.
Sorry to give you a long answer to your question.
That's a great answer.
That's amazing.
I won't say I was hoping for that, because I'm always open to wherever anyone's life experience goes, but there's a part of me that loves hearing that.
I really appreciate hearing that, because when you've achieved so many incredible things in your career which you have to then say well, this is the part like knowing how to navigate it, or making the right choices at the right time.
Healthy balance.
The healthy balance, yeah.
It's so important.
It's important for all of us.
Like we have to, this is what we're prioritizing, you know?
Yeah.
How did you find the courage to do that at the 23 mark?
Because you're saying you're in a competitive industry.
As you said, it was overworking.
It's fast paced.
I'm guessing there's comparison in that industry.
There's competition in that industry.
It's not an easy space to be.
You're in the top 0.01% in your industry.
So it's hard.
And the reason I ask this is because I work with so many people in this space and to have the courage to say no.
I know that if I sort this out, then all of this is going to be just fine.
That actually takes more courage than we recognize.
We realized that when you have nothing, then there's nothing to lose.
You can actually have a lot of courage, right.
But when you have everything and there's everything to lose, and a lot of the time, at least, what i've heard in in town is you know older managers and agents and i'm not saying you have any of this, but people that i know will be told well hey, if you don't do this like you'll be forgotten next year or you know your career is only going to last another six months.
How did you have that courage to say no no, i need to do this, like where did that come from?
And I've never thought about it that way.
To be completely honest with you,
I just knew that if I had gone any further, that I was going to lose myself.
I was at that very... I was on the teeter-totter edge of that point where...
Had I gone any further, I was probably not going to be great.
It was so important to me to feel good that I just knew that it was something that I had to do.
And I can't say like, You're absolutely right.
There were so many people around me that had told me not to say no, told me not to say no, told me not to stop.
I fought my way out of it a little bit because there were people that had worked for me that didn't want me to stop because it might have benefited them.
Of course, i got to that point and i just knew i had to do it and i just i don't know, i don't know how to explain it.
I guess it was just such an unbelievable sensation that i had where i knew that if i do this, i'm going to be better for everyone and i'm going to be better for myself, which means i'm going to be better for the people around me, and i have to do this.
And so it wasn't.
Really i want to be able to live with happiness.
God forbid any of this ever went away.
And I think that that was a big moment for me of being like I'm gonna be okay if I don't get this job tomorrow.
And I'm gonna be okay if I don't get that job in a month.
If I have to take this time to do.
Whatever things will come, everything's going to work out the way it's supposed to, and I had to trust that.
Yeah.
Well, to me from the outside and it's beautiful that you didn't see it in yourself, because that almost makes it even more wonderful
But the idea that to me from the outside, that's a lot of courage.
Yeah, thank you.
It takes a lot of courage.
It takes a lot of vulnerability and openness, and it takes courage at every level, whether someone's thinking about quitting their job to do something they love, or whether someone's trying to relocate their family and doesn't know how, or whether someone like you is feeling success but then going.
Well, wait a minute.
And I think in the past few years we've seen athletes and musicians and actors and people in all creative industries step back and say well, I need to put me first.
And I think that that's empowering, because I think we hear about burnout in work culture and corporate culture so often.
For sure, for sure.
So what was it that you started to do with that newfound time at that time?
Was the curiosity always there and now you could actually follow it?
It was.
It was always there.
And I had had a lot of people coming to me telling me about meditation and how it changed their life and therapy and so many different things.
And I was a bit overwhelmed because I was like, oh my God, what if this is going to suit me?
I think it's a very personal experience.
I think everybody has a very different version of all of that stuff.
And so it was a little overwhelming.
So I think I really just took the time to be off for a second.
It was even the little things.
It was like being able to go to my friend's birthday party, which I wouldn't have been able to go to before because I was working a lot.
I love hearing that because I think it is those simple things like giving yourself that space, whatever it is that you needed to do when you needed it.
And, like you said, sometimes it's like that's when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of you and it's like try this and try this.
And it's like, well, no, no, no, let me just take my time.
It was also now that I think about it.
23 I'm 26.
I've had my horse for So around that time is when I bought the horse that I have now.
Who is my?
I jump her and I have two other horses but they're retired so I don't really ride them the same way I ride her.
So yeah, I guess it was around that time too that I was like I'm going to do this because I love this and I want to get back into it and this is what I've loved my whole life.
So it was around that time that I feel like all of that started happening and I bought my horse and I started taking more time for things that made me really happy.
Yeah, what I'm noticing in you and observing, or at least from just these.
Oh God.
No, in a good way, in a good way.
I was just saying.
It's like it feels like no matter what's happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that it's important to be happy.
Yeah.
Like, you know, that's like this core center belief in your life where it's important to be happy.
It's important to be happy.
It's, that has to be the goal.
For sure.
And it's not always easy.
We live in such an interesting industry and in such an interesting time with social media that it can be very hard sometimes.
You can fall victim to so many things that don't serve you and that don't make you happy.
If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you know you're at mercy of things that you can't control.
And that's never where I want to be.
So I always want to live in like me and my therapist talk about, like my higher goddess, my higher self.
Like I always want to live there, knowing that You know when I'm there.
You can't take that away from me.
That's mine.
And no matter what, you can disagree with me.
You can agree with me.
That's not going.
I'm not changing.
I'm not shifting.
I'm here.
I'm in my higher goddess.
So I kind of I always live by like. holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it.
And though I fall victim to it at times, as we all probably do, I strive every day to live in that place.
What are some of the qualities of your higher goddess or that kind of avatar?
She's awesome.
Like I said, I don't love a pity party.
I also like, you know, sometimes it feels weird to like say good things about yourself.
But I've also learned a lot about talking to myself and a lot about looking in the mirror and being like you're great.
You're gorgeous.
You're amazing.
You're loyal.
You're positive.
You're so many like I love words of affirmation.
I love just sitting there and reassuring myself of who I am. because that's another thing for me.
There's so many false narratives about me, about all of us, I'm sure.
So many people think they have you figured out when they don't even know the half of it.
So sitting there and being like, you know, you get frustrated sometimes.
It could feel really unfair.
You could be reading something that someone is saying about you or hearing something that someone's saying about you and being like that is so unfair because that's not who I am.
And that really gets to me sometimes.
And that really sucks.
But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am and that's all.
Why does anything else matter?
And my friends know who I am and my family knows who I am.
My dog knows who I am.
My horse knows who I am.
Like, why does any of everything else is just noise.
I do this exercise.
I don't think I've shared this before, but I do this exercise with some of my clients, where we'll go on a walk and we'll be on a hike wherever we are.
And I'll ask them what they think.
A piece of you know, maybe there's a little leaf or maybe there's some flower or something that looks a little unique on the path, and I'll say what do you think that feels like?
And what do you think it would feel like if you picked it up in your hand?
And they'll be like oh, it looks really rough and like it might scratch me, and like it looks like a bit, you know, like uneven or whatever, and it looks kind of hard and strong.
And then I'll ask them to pick it up And nine times out of 10 it's completely different.
Like they'll pick it up and it'll just dissolve in their hands, or they'll turn it over and the color's really soft.
Sorry, the shape's really soft and the color's totally different on the other side.
And I do that exercise to help us realize just how multifaceted humans are.
Today I've got to meet you and obviously we're spending a lot of deep intimate, vulnerable time together, so you learn faster about someone.
But if someone only follows someone on social media or only sees someone at an event or only sees one interview, it's so easy to create such a singular view of someone.
And I think and I want to say this because I really think we all feel it I don't think anyone wants to be seen in a singular way.
If you had to choose one word, that had to be you for the rest of your life.
I don't think anyone wants that.
I think we all know that we're messy and complex and different, but we like to put someone else in a box, whoever that may be, because it's easier then to live life and say okay well, that's person's A, B.
So there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that I always share from Charles Horton Cooley and he wrote this in 1890, I think it was which just shows how true this has been for such a long time, and obviously long before that as well.
And he said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am.
I'm not what you think I am.
I am what I think you think I am.
And we'll let that blow everyone's mind.
It gives me chills every time I say it.
Charles Horton Cooley said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am.
I'm not what you think I am.
I am what I think you think I am.
And what he's trying to say is that we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves.
So if I think you think I'm smart, then I allow myself to feel smart.
It's like we need that validation.
We need that validation.
Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then I feel hurt.
And the challenge is, I don't know what you're thinking at all, especially outside in the world.
And so I find that what you're saying around like, well, what do I think about myself?
Like, how do I feel about myself?
How do the people that actually know me feel about me?
I think that's really empowering.
If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.
