Hi, welcome back to Eat Your Cres podcast. I'm G-Soo.
I'm Crystal.
Good, I'm Deepak.
All right, as usual, before we dive into our topic of day,
we have a Gen Z word to discuss. And as usual, again, it's not quite one word,
but it's more of a phrase. This one is actually kind of closer to one word,
but it's basically sending me past tense sent to me.
I'm trying to think if I've seen it used in real life, but I think for the most part I see online,
it's usually also followed by a skull emoji. The meaning of it as far as I can gather and my theory
for it is that sending me is just like, that was like so funny. It's sending me or whatever.
And my theory is that, you know, how like before when things were funny, we would be like,
oh my god, that's so funny. Like, I'm dying or like dead or whatever.
Right. So sending me is just like, you're sending me to death with how funny this is.
Yeah, I was like, yeah, like sent to the afterlife.
Yeah, I like this one. This is actually something that I can use in daily life, I think,
because it fits nicely into a sentence. In our previous Gen Z words, we talked about how Gen Z
slang transcends grammar, but this one actually sends into grammar a little bit.
That's true. If we were to use it in a sentence or have like a real world application of it,
it could be like the part where Jesus said X is sending me.
True. Pretty grammatically correct.
Right. It's almost like there's like an implied ending there. Like I can imagine in parentheses
where we'd be like, oh, man, that meme crystal sent sent me kind of hangs on the silence there.
But that part of the intrigue, the mystery of where you're sent.
This also makes me realize though, you know, when we were growing up, I feel like, wait,
is it called an acronym like L-O-L?
Yes. Well, it's been so long like L-O-L is almost just like its own word at this point, you know?
Like when I see L-O-L and I read it in my mind, I'm not translating it to laugh out loud,
right? It's just L-O-L. Yeah. That's true. But it is. You're right. It isn't an acronym.
Yeah. I feel like Genzi doesn't appreciate acronyms like we used to, you know? And I guess that's
just like the start of internet, lingo or whatever back then. But I remember the biggest compliment
you could get if you said a joke online was like, oh, I'm rolling on the floor laughing my ass off
in a raw foe lumbau. Oh, that's so good. And I was like, oh, that's so good.
I know. Like my joke. Wait, that's actually such a good point because I think like L-O-L is still alive.
But I don't see too many of the other laughing acronyms. I feel like the R-O-F-L like
rolling, I feel like that one's definitely dying out a bit. Yeah. I don't know about you guys.
For me, I pretty much only use two. It's like L-O-L and L-O-M-A-O. Like for me, if I want to escalate
my L-O-L, it's going to be laughing my ass off. I've actually never grown a custom to using
R-O-F-L or L-O-M-A-O. So I only use L-O-L. Do you at least like switch it up between lower case
uppercase? No, I only use lower case at work because uppercase at work might be a little too unhinged.
You want to be, you don't be over-eager. Yeah. You know, your boss could be like, wow,
that U-V-L just sent Crystal. I do use like, ha-ha-ha sometimes. I think I've never used L-O-M-A-O
or R-O-F-L so much that it's like against my personality now. Like I would feel odd using those
acronyms. Like your poser? Yeah. Dude, but I feel like each acronym has a different vibe to it.
R-O-F-L is a little bit more soft. It's kind of like, I chuckled at that. And then I feel like
limousine. Oh, that's all that. Holy, that was quite a funny. What? The literal translation of
R-O-F-L rolling on the floor of the app. That's like, that's like a soft chuckle. I know, but the
use case, you know, like how it's used is a little different. R-O-F-L is kind of like, oh, that was
funny. I like, quickly laughed, you know? I thought that's just like a quick L-O-L was for.
I don't know. Okay, I think L-O-L is the lowest and then it's R-O-F-L and then it's a long low,
you know, with like a bunch of O's and then it's low-mow and then it's ha-ha-ha-ha. Like that's like
the the tear list or like the growth of intensity of laughing for me. What about L-O-M-A-O with the F-O-M-F-A-O?
That one's bigger than L-M-A-O, but less than ha-ha-ha I think.
Can augment some of these within O-M-G in front of it?
Oh, true, true. Wait, are you allowed to use R-O-F-L or L-M-A-O lower case? Is that socially acceptable?
Yeah. I guess at least in my perspective, if I'm using them with lower case, then I'm not actually
laughing. But you know how like lower case L-O-L is almost like rude? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like a, hey, I'm responding to you just like, I'm acknowledging you.
It's like, if you're a boomer, I guess it's not rude, but if you're not a boomer, it's kind of like,
oh my god, like why'd they hit me with the lower case L-O-L?
This day, day, you'd much rather at that point, you'd rather like someone react to your message.
Exactly. Then hit you with the lower case L-O-L.
So, is R-O-F-L and L-M-A-O similar or is lower case acceptable?
To me, they're kind of like sarcastic laughs, but it's like, hey, I'm kind of laughing at this,
but I'm not really laughing at it. You know what I mean? I would use it to like add it to a story
like, oh, I just want to a store and this crazy thing happened to me, lower case L-M-A-O.
It wasn't truly funny for me, but I'm like in all that it happened or something like that.
It's more of an amusing situation than a hilarious situation. Kind of. And sometimes like slightly
negative of like, wow, like that's crazy kind of. So kind of similar to lower case L-O-L.
Yeah, but lower case L-O-L, I think I only use if I'm like kind of mad or something.
Noted.
So, since I use lower case L-O-L at work, I think once I accidentally lower case L-O-L people,
and then I immediately like, recent my L-O-L caps.
So you removed the message or you edited it?
No, I just left it there and then like sent the L-O-L with the like, story.
It's like a lower case I've followed about. Guys, I think we worry too much about what other people think.
I'm just trying to fit in.
Send your L-O-L to however you want, guys.
There's an art to online communication, you know? We just have our different-
Your real friends don't care.
All right, I'm gonna hit you all with some lower case L-O-L.
Oh, please don't. I'll cry.
Just kidding. I won't.
I think my muscle memory is too like,
ingrained that I, for the most part, wouldn't send a lower case L-O-L.
Unless I was maybe on my keyboard.
Yeah, I do have some friends who I know use it and they don't mean it sarcastically.
So then I have like a list of people I'm like, okay, these people use lower case L-O-L,
and they're actually laughing. Do not be offended by this.
And I have to like go through the list and I receive a lower case L-O-L.
I mean, it sounds a little crazy, but don't want to read the subtext from.
People, am I on that list?
If not, put me on there. Just as a safety.
That's true. Deep does use the lower case L-O-L sometimes. I have noticed that.
I've been on the internet a long time.
Well, anyways, let's kind of get into our topic of the day.
So today we brought on Deepop to talk about keeping up with our extended family.
Now we've talked in previous episodes about how this is somewhat a challenge,
slash, interesting mission for us kind of going up, going into our adulthood,
building out our own personal relationships with our extended family,
instead of relying on our parents to kind of build that bridge for us.
So today we'll really get into our relationships with our cousins
and maintaining friendships with them beyond just that initial familial link.
So let's kind of start with, I guess, the easiest question, which is,
do you keep up with your cousins on social media?
Well, that's an easy one for me. I don't really have social media.
So the answer is no.
Then how do you keep up with your cousins' period?
Messaging, I guess.
I mean amongst Indians WhatsApp is a pretty big one, but also
a signal texting.
How do you know what's going on in their life?
Do they just send you updates?
Well, one cousin in particular who I was visiting very recently actually just got back from
the day yesterday. We have this group chat dedicated to his daughter.
So in that way, I kind of know what's going on because they keep us all updated in her life.
But when you're a parent, your kid's life is kind of your life.
True. Other people, it's more so.
Whenever we do catch up and speak, it ends up being like long conversations, maybe
the second hour long phone call or something just catching each other up.
I like it that way, to be honest. It feels a bit more personal, a bit more exciting.
You know, you get surprised like, oh wow, that's what you've been up to.
That's awesome. As opposed to, you know, being a,
feeling like a peeping tov, spying on them from a distance.
I feel like that's so interesting though because in my mind, I'm like, oh,
shoe, if they don't have social media, I guess.
And I'm not following them. Then I won't know if something happens unless I
asked. But then I wouldn't know when to ask either, right?
I feel like similarly to you, I think, especially also because my cousins are in Korea.
So it's like, if I don't keep up with them on social media, then their big achievements
become the only thing I know about them sort of.
It's like, you know so little about their actual life, and then you only know about these big
moments that it becomes like, weird to address it or like, that's like the only thing you can talk
about sort of. I will say that I guess I'm approaching it more so from the perspective of,
I only have, I have a handful of cousins over here in the, in the US, and I'm really close to
pretty much all of them. All the cousins I have in India, that's the downside. I have very
little knowledge of what's going on in their lives. I think I've got one cousin who's getting married
soon. That's about all I really know in that regard. But the ones I am close to, it's similar
relationship to have you would have to any close friend really. You can stay out of touch for a while,
but you pick back up as of no time has passed at all. And going back to what you were saying before
crystal about how do you know what's a good time. You don't know. There's not necessarily like a
good time or a bad time. You hit them up if they're busy. They'll get back to you. What I'd like to
do every now and again is if say I have a long commute. I don't know if you like listening to
music or a podcast or something. I'll be like, okay, who have I not spoken to for a while? Just give
them a call. In worst case, they don't pick up. Whoa, I don't really talk on the phone much.
Me too. So this is what it takes. I'm like taking notes right now. Noted. Call them and interact
with them. Relationships take work interesting. Yeah. I have I think about like three cousins in the
states right now. I follow them all on social media. One of them doesn't really post, but she lives
actually close by. She lives in like the Bay Area as well. So I have like decent exposure to her.
But then the other two cousins, one is in New York and one is in I believe Seattle. So I just kind
of like know what's going on in their lives by following their social media. Do you just look at
the the posts or do you interact with them? I interact with some of them for one of the cousins and
I don't really interact with them for the other cousin. And why is that what's the distinction
there? Is that just that level of closeness you feel? Yeah, I guess I guess I feel closer to one of them.
So there are different degrees like I'll just like this one or I'll actually leave a comment on
this one. Usually it's just liking. What would it take to get you to leave a comment?
Oh, I guess like if it were a big life event, I would probably comment like, oh my god, congrats.
I feel like otherwise we didn't really spend a lot of time together throughout childhood and stuff
because we've always lived in different states. So even though like we have a certain level
of familiarity and closeness to each other, it's definitely not like at its max potential.
Like a lot of things actually post and stuff. I don't know the friends. It's just like there's not much
for me to comment on for now. Proximity is a big deal. Yeah. All the cousins I'm close with,
all due to proximity. Yeah, I think that's like one of the challenges sort of that at least I've
experienced to Crystal where like someone might cousins they used to come over for like whole summers
out of time and like do summer school here and then we would just like spend time together
to like those memories are very cherished inside my mind. But then since after that, I only really
saw them once every like four years or something. When I saw them, I was kind of like, oh like maybe
it'll snap back to how we were in the summer, but it's like so much time had passed that I no longer
knew who they were and all of my memories were from them as a kid and from me as a kid.
Obviously very different people after like four years. I feel like I felt close to them when I
sort of knew their lives on a more like detailed way in the summers that we spent together, but then
now there's so much about their life that I don't know and it feels weird to like jump into that
or like I feel like I would need more time to get into that. But really when I'm seeing my extended
family, it's like one dinner or something, right? And then it's like in that two-hour dinner with like
10 other people in our extended family around the table, how quickly can we like get back into
that rhythm? In December when I went back to Korea, I saw one of my cousins who I spent like,
I think like two summers or something together with. And I found out he had like a girlfriend of
eight years and I was like, what the fuck? Because we don't have each other on social media. I just had
like no idea. And he was also shocked that I was engaged. So it's just one of those things where I
realized that I'm even less close to them than people I'm like not blood related to, you know.
After you found out you guys don't have each other added, you know what's going on? Did you
remedy that situation? Well, you're not really because okay, here's the challenge too. So I never
post on social media. It's maybe like once every few years and like maybe what IG story
twice a year or something like that. So then I also feel bad being like, oh we should
exchange social medias because that means I'm just going to be lurking on their profile and they'll
get like nothing of me. Like it doesn't feel like a fair exchange sort of. I can relate to that.
I mean that's part of the reason I don't have any is I would post like nothing. Dude, but don't
you want to be in the know? Not really. I feel like that perspective comes from like being already
being on it, you know. Like it it feeds that part of your brain that's like seeking out that
information. I almost want to compare it to the fact that like you know I've been vegetarian my
whole life, right? People will ask me like, oh man don't you like really wanted like try and
like meet? Like don't you like you know crave it as an appealing to you? But it's like I've
never had it before, right? Like it was something you've never done before. Maybe in some degree
you don't know what you're missing out on, but on the other hand because you don't know, you don't
care. I suppose. I suppose. But I do feel like social media can be nice. Sometimes as like a gateway
interaction because maybe like if my cousin posted and was like, oh it's my birthday today or
something, I could totally respond to them. Be like happy birthday and then a potential
conversation could come out of that. True. I guess like I appreciate the pros of following them
on social media, but I can see how it's totally fine if I didn't either. I think it's also interesting
because as I mentioned earlier, I didn't spend a lot of time with most of my cousins throughout
childhood and stuff because of living far away from each other. So there is a certain level of
familiarity because it's like when we have spent time together, it's with family and you know,
it's like known to be comfortable. It's like, oh we're like visiting each other. We're close
cousins by blood. There's like a level of understanding there. But then now it's kind of like, oh we're
fully fledged adults kind of and we all have our own lives going on. So if we do hang out,
it's almost harder to like insert ourselves into each other's lives. The easiest way is maybe like
doing it one-on-one or having like the buffer of family being there. But I feel like yeah,
the buffer of family as opposed to like get the ball rolling. But I feel like that also influences
the interaction itself, like creating that situation with more family versus the one-on-one or
the smaller group. Like I imagine you and your cousins aren't going to act the same around
just yourselves as you would with your parents in the room. Yeah. Maybe you do, I don't know.
I guess like yeah, there's a little bit of difference. But for some reason it's just,
it's like so much easier when there's family around. I think also because like maybe the focus
is on you and or family. But then if you were to like hang out in just like a regular situation,
maybe even with like other friends involved, then the focus isn't on the family. I don't know,
it's just like kind of weird. Yeah, because we're talking about family, not so not to make it weird.
But it almost gives me like for hearing what you're saying makes me think of like first date kind of
times. It's like you only have like a limited amount of time to interact with this person. How much
of it do you want to have to spend on like awkward small talk? Yes. Just establishing the base level
before you actually get into the nitty gritty. I think that's a good way of putting it. Like if you're
trying to reconnect I guess with a family member who you haven't hung out with in a while,
it is kind of like dating them. Okay, you know, first date and then we keep hanging out until
eventually it becomes comfortable enough where it could be like, oh yeah, we're like not just family,
we're also like close friends now. And I feel like with a buffer of like parents being there
at the hanging out too, for example, I feel like parents are either close to their siblings,
so they know all the tea about your cousins, or they might even feel closer to the cousins themselves
right, because it's like their siblings kids. So then at least my mom, she's always like not
afraid to ask, had asked questions at the dinner table. She's like, do you have a girlfriend?
What's your job prospects looking like? And then you get more context, whereas cousin to cousin,
you might not feel as comfortable like jumping into kind of bigger topics like that right off the bat.
You like having your mom around because she's like a bulldozer. She just breaks down those walls
for distance. Yeah, she would also know things like, oh, don't bring this up. You know, whereas I
might not know that like if someone's going through a hard time or like there's some sort of
context that I'm missing, then I could be making like a mistake or something in the conversation,
whereas she might have more context on it. She's like the family information broker. She's got all the tea.
Yeah, I think having parents is definitely like a safety net, because if you run out of things to say,
at least the parents can just talk to each other and then you just listen.
True. Crystal, have you ever done like a one-on-one thing with any of your cousins?
I have actually. So the cousin who lives in New York right now, when I was in New York,
we like reconnected and hung out a couple times. She's also kind of close our age, like a year or two
older. In that sense, it's a little easier because it's like we can probably find things to like
talk about and relate. But my time in New York was a little short. So I am now back in the
bay. And so we're once again very distant, but I think it was nice because we did manage to like
hang out, reconnect a bit in our like adult versions of ourselves. So we're like one step closer
to being closer. When I was in Korea, I finally did like a kind of one-on-one hang out. So not
necessarily one-on-one, I guess, but I hang out with my cousin without the parents. And I was with
James and James's cousins. So the four of us hung out. It was a really different experience
hanging out with my cousin without the parents around because we could do like, you know, we could
like go to a bar or something instead of sitting around a restaurant. And then we could also talk
about kind of taboo topics without the parents. It was a little bit mind-blowing for me. Like I
think what Deepak you are saying about having parents there just has a different vibe. It's
totally true because I was like, we are talking about stuff. I never would have dreamed of talking
about with like family. And that's kind of when you know you've crossed that boundary from like
just family to, okay, these people are also friends. Most of my time spent with my cousins are
one-on-one or we did like a group of cousins. I've got what I want to say for cousins around here
that I'm pretty close to or that I sort of grew up with. I've always been the youngest in the
family. So all my cousins are 10 to 15 years old with them. So our relationship has definitely
changed over time. Going from like the baby that they they interact with. It's funny my cousin
who I was visiting. He's the first in the family to have a kid. My four-year-old niece and he was
telling some of his friends that my sister and I were like his first real interaction with
younger children. Oh my god. Now he's a parent himself. You guys were his training wheels.
I've been told that was a very easy child. So I don't know how much practice I gave him.
My sister on the other hand. So for these cousins since you lived relatively close to each other,
was it like a decent amount of interaction growing up? Oh yeah. In fact, my family actually
moved to the city. We're in now to be closer to my mom's sister who has two kids.
They're a brother and a sister and then obviously has a sister. They're about a decade older than us
but growing up we'd hang out with them all the time because they were pretty much the youngest
relatives we had in close proximity. So they would take us out all the time to grab bite to eat
hang out whatever. I mean there's not a whole lot you can do when you're like you're like a grade
schooler hanging out with like ice-colder. So it's always a good time. We had a lot of family
living with us back in the day. So one of my dad's other older sisters has two kids as well.
They're over in Texas now but they lived with us when I was younger so I hung out with them a lot
but I actually didn't get that close to them until I was much older because I think I was a bit too
young when they were living with us. When I was living in Texas for a bit I actually stayed with one
of them for like a month and I've gone on a cruise with them as well. First cruise. One of the
only cruise I've ever gone on. When I was hanging out with my other cousin up in the bay we actually
called the cousin in Texas. That's a bit of damper on the episode but it was because that she lives in
Alan Texas and maybe you guys are aware of what happened in Alan recently. We were just checking in on
her seeing if everything was good. In the span of it's been like a week I've probably interacted with
four cousins. Wow. I was staying with one up there. Did a video call with the one in Texas on
the drive back down from the bay. I called up another cousin and then when I got back I actually hung
out with another cousin. Wow. It seems like your cousins are kind of interconnected too.
Some of them. Oh yeah. The ones really close to me are brother and sister and they're one and
half years apart like me and my sister. Even though they're on my mom's side. They're the only
cousins on my mom's side over here in the States which is why we're pretty close to them as well.
Because you know, a phasian family is all about family. We're very communal. On my dad's side
he's got three siblings and all of them have kids but one of them is his only brother. Their
daughter is in India. We never really got close. That's a bummer and again going back to no social
media or anything like that. Never really able to keep up with her. I hear she's in the States now
somewhere. I think maybe closer towards the east coast couldn't tell you because I just don't know.
Yeah. I said that the cousins I am close to. I'm pretty close to. I would consider them all
friends and we've all hung out as a group and even one-on-one regardless of which side of the
family they're on. I'd like to think I'm the group that holds us all together.
So it's kind of interesting to me that you called them your friends which I think is a pretty
big and important boundary to cross. What I'm curious about is like how that works with the big
age gaps because when you were talking about how you kind of grew up together and you were the
elementary school kid and your cousins were in high school. I keep imagining like them sneaking
you know dad's beers or something and like drinking that in a circle in the basement and you're
like reading Dr. Seuss in the corner or something. And I imagined with an age gap that big it starts
off as like oh we're gonna play with you you know like you're like the kid that we're taking care of.
So then at what point did that transition into like friendship where you're on a more equal basis
with each other? Do that's so true because like your cousins were like high schoolers and they had
the patients to like take out super young like oh my true school kids to hang out or like eat a meal.
They weren't like oh my bratty like young cousins. I'm so into waiting or anything. I mean they've
never told me as much. I couldn't tell you about their true feelings were at the time. I mean like
any teenager I'm sure they had those moments and I wouldn't blame them but when we were particularly
young yeah I'm sure they had some babysitting duties as well. Do you guys have any young kids in
your family that you interact with? Yeah not at the moment. Yeah I mean what are your feelings with
regards to interacting with them? Do you think oh man this is awkward or is it usually like you're
looking forward to it? I definitely do look forward to seeing my younger cousins. Now my youngest
cousin is I think early high school but I think I still feel like oh I need to make this fun for her
because she's like my baby cousin and less so like oh I get to see like my BFF at dinner tonight.
Yeah so for me I've always been the youngest of the family until my niece was born four years ago
so I'm only just now kind of getting this older family member interaction but now I'm realizing maybe
like for them growing up you know I think it's kind of nice to have that that different relationship
between like you start to feel more like mature responsible grown up when there's someone younger
than you at the same time it's like it's also nice to have that that level of I don't know if
admiration is the right word but you know like as a kid you kind of you see your older cousins
or your older family members and like yeah they're like to all the adults the high school are still
just a kid but what you're an elementary school you look at a high schooler like oh my god this
massive human being right like it's so cool that they want to hang out with me and they'll play with me
and I'm sure like they get a lot out of that interaction as well it's almost like I mean the
comparison has made a lot of things between like toddlers and like dogs but I mean they're just like
kids are are so happy to see you all the time and it just kind of makes your day.
It's a wholesome way to look at it. Yeah I mean it doesn't take a whole lot to entertain kids either
like we're hanging out with like cousins when I was a little kid like we'd go to the grocery store
and I would have a blast I remember one time they pranked myself and my sister because I went to
you know this section of the grocery store where you get you can get like coffee beans and they'd be
like oh yeah this is like chocolate and I just eat like a raw coffee being very bitter and I'm
big into gaming is one of my hobbies that that's because of my cousin as well. Yeah playing like
his N64 growing up was kind of and then he was big into computers as well so some computer games
so that was kind of the gateway drug in that regard and then my sister and I got a hand me down
iPod like the original iPod from him and that shaped our musical tastes up till this very day.
I still listen to a lot of like 90s 2000 stuff but I guess I I've diverted a lot from your question
of at one point does that relationship change and probably around like sometime in college I think
because when you like up through high school like you're still very much a kid you know you don't
have any real responsibilities in a much but the real world right yeah your day is very regimented
but then you get your first taste of independence when you leave home and you go to college
and you start getting feel of who you are as a person developing your own identity.
Once you have your own identity then you can start to form that relationship outside of just being
family to your cousins or whoever. Of course they'll still tell me you know they'll always see me as
as this little kid or Latin in that regard like they won't treat me like a kid because they respect
me as as an adult. Hopefully. Yeah those those fond memories I think are ever present. Yeah.
And it goes both ways as well. I always like remember little things here they're hanging out with my
cousins when I was younger. That's so wholesome. They have such like a big influence on you.
Clearly like it's a very treasured relationship. Very nice to hear about but it did kind of make
me think about how I did have this young cousin so I think I was around 11 at the time and then I met
these two cousins who are like quite young. They were maybe like around three or four at the time
and I like had so much fun with them. I was like oh my god these kids are like so cute and we were
like hang out because they were there for the weekend. We were all getting together for like a wedding
but then like they you know after that weekend I've never seen them again because they
they went back. They actually moved to London briefly for like a couple years and then they
actually lived in Ohio now. So I actually saw a picture of them recently and I was like holy shit
these kids are like about to be in college now. And like the last time I saw them they were
like three or four. It's so crazy so I have the worry like dude they might not even remember who I
am but I had like a lot of fun playing with them when they were that young. Oh my god do you
think the interaction if you met them again? You ever have those you go to those like family gatherings
or stuff like that? You family friends and your your parents are forcing you to interact with someone
like oh I got like so and so or even like a phone call. I got so and so on the phone. Oh my god
can you just talk to them just say hello and so like awkward and you're like trying to be polite
but you don't know what to say. Do you think it would be like that if they saw you?
Like I don't really know who you are but I guess we knew each other at one point.
Dude it probably would be like that. I would be like the fucking aunt where they're like oh my god
like I remember when you were just one year old and you're like cool. Rolls-out. Yeah.
A distant relative that's like hey remember when you shit yourself when you were one and I cleaned it
up. You're like what? I know exactly what you mean though because I have like a relatively close
relationship with some of my baby cousins and it's like every time I see them they've grown like
a foot taller and I'm like holy shit. There's like things going on in their life now you know like
an elementary school they're just like oh yeah like it's summer. I have no homework or whatever
and then now it's like you go back in summer and they're like yeah I have like SATs and like
all these prep classes and whatnot and you're just like oh wow like so much has changed since the
last time I saw you. I remember one summer I went back and my cousin was probably also like three or
four and I spent like a lot of it playing with her and like taking care of her a couple of years
later I went back. I could tell she kind of didn't remember who I was. Like I think she remembered
the concept of me having been in her life that summer but not really me right and I was like oh
do you remember me? She's like yeah you like played with me or whatever and then I was like
damn this feels like a memory that you have only because your parents told you the memory exists
you know. Was it heartbreaking? A little bit but then I was like it's kind of cool because then
now I can like read me this girl as like a seven year old or whatever and like build memories and
all always cherish the memories that we have even if her brain doesn't have that stored in it you know.
That's a great way to look at it and I also think you know even if they don't remember the exact
memories they may still remember like how they felt you know there's maybe could be an association
with seeing on tg soon be like oh like happy memories good times. We can only hope. I know seriously.
I want to ask about a different side of like friendships with cousins because I think even if
you're really close to your cousins there is still kind of that familial aspect that will always
exist where your parents know their parents very intimately. When you talk to your cousins are you
ever secretly scared that they'll tell their parents stuff and it'll kind of word will get around
back to that your parents are like you know in the family. Not particularly. I mean just boils down
to trust right and I think as kids we've all been in that situation of like what you can or can't
say and so when it comes to stuff other people tell you if it's something you wouldn't want to share
then you probably wouldn't share it on their behalf. So far I think it's had a pretty good track
record. I mean much to my parents Shagrin I think they kind of know that the younger generation
or cousins like we're pretty tight well they may sometimes you know throughout like a probing question.
They don't push too hard if you know might say my sister and I don't really give up any information.
They I think they respect that if we can't say anything then we can't say anything right.
Can't break someone else's trust and I believe that you know most of the time when they're asking anyway
it's it's usually out of some level of concern or care. I mean if you're interested in someone
else's life especially family it's probably because you care not strictly because you're you're
looking for that team. I don't know man. I'm just kidding. Yeah I mean I've certainly been told
things in confidence and I've said stuff in confidence and I think to this day they've remained
intact. Nice. Trustworthy cousins. Yeah so going forward I would probably continue to do so.
I guess like if anything you could even bond over like things you couldn't share with your parents.
Yeah because we're all so they may be like 10 or so years older than me but we're all just kind of
like first generation immigrant kids. There's a lot of relatability in that alone. You know obviously
our parents can't relate to. They were the immigrants and there's a lot of stuff they experienced.
We can't relate to but the age gap does come into play to degree because they experience a lot of
stuff like I was born in the 90s so I don't remember a lot of stuff from the 90s. They were born
in the 80s so then they grew up in the 90s. Right. I'm very much like a child of the era of the
internet and the digital age whereas they still remember a time where the internet wasn't like a
massive thing but we relate in ways that I guess exist outside of age especially as you as you
get older. There are things I think you probably covered in many different podcast episodes just
unavoidable facts and situations of life. Yeah that's true because I think even though the bond
may start from being blood related or maybe your parents experiences with their siblings it sounds
like you've developed a friendship that goes way beyond that which means that there's a certain
safe space that you have with your cousins that may not have like a space for your parents kind of
and I think at least for me I can relate to this maybe beyond my cousins but with family friends
so I have a couple of family friends who I grew up with almost like cousins because all three of our
families don't have real cousins in the States. I remember this was kind of a learning for me where
I saw them as family friends so then like my parents know them and whatnot and when we were growing up
we would tell each other stuff and I would just tell my mom because I was like oh you know like we're
all family friends like we all know each other it's fair game or whatever or like I probably
wasn't even thinking about it and then once my family friend who was slightly older than me was like
do don't tell your mom this like I know you tell your mom everything but don't tell her that
I was like oh okay and that's when I knew the rule of like oh so we have something going on and it's
not just because we're family friends like there's some sort of bond here that my parents shouldn't
be inside so at least for me I had like a sort of pivotal moment and I think that's also when I
felt our friendship a little bit more too and I was like this exists like we are actually friends
and it's not an obligatory thing where they're hanging out with me or I'm hanging out with them
just because our parents are having dinner tonight I actually want to hang out with my cousin
that's does it a very important distinction I want to hang out with my cousins too but I'm too
shot this episode has inspired me though because we've talked through a lot of just like
eras of like closeness with cousins whether it be like youth or adulthood or teenage time and I think
like now that we're older we're able to like make our own decisions and have some independence within
our lives it's up to us kind of to like put forth that effort reach out and try to be friend
your cousins if you hadn't befriended them before and it's kind of like we said there's still
regular people that you can just you know slowly build up a friendship with you don't need to like
just categorize them as cousins and let that limit your interaction to like family only events
and things like that thank you deep for joining us this week to chat about keeping up with your
extended family throughout childhood as well as adulthood and for our listeners out there if you
all have any tips on keeping up with your cousins feel free to reach out to us on social media we have
Instagram eat your crust pod and we also have email eatyourcrustpod at gmail.com and if you'd like
to catch our other episodes then feel free to follow us on Spotify Apple Podcasts or any other
podcasting platform we upload new episodes every Wednesday morning and if you're a Spotify
listener we'll put up a little Q&A so go and check that out you can drop in a response for the
question we put out for this week's episode thanks for listening and don't forget to eat your crust
