I love vanity, though.
I love vanity.
If I were in my early 20s trying to invest in being hot, it would be for the wrong reasons.
I actually think nerds are very hot.
You have to put on the costume, unfortunately.
And then believe it.
Yeah, so that other people believe it.
Yes.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Hot Pursuit, a podcast about creating conversations where nothing is off limits.
This podcast is produced by Asian Boss Girl.
I'm Em, and I'm hot.
Yeah, she is.
Yeah, she is.
Cool her down.
Cool her down.
I'm Jen and I'm tired of trying to be hot.
Well, you look great.
You look so incredible.
And I'm Madeline and it's like 90 degrees outside.
I don't know what you guys are talking about.
Mind you, it's December.
Okay, so today we're obviously talking about being hot, what that means.
Why don't we all share our one beauty non-negotiable, whether it be routine, product, anything.
Drinking enough water.
It's so true.
That's a good one.
Drinking water.
Like if you guys see Madeline's skin, that's not just a base.
That's literally like her skin.
It's so hydrated.
It's so moisturized all the time.
Because what you put in your body will show.
It's true.
I look at people and I can just tell that they're dehydrated.
Like you can look at people and be like, she looks like a bag of chips.
Even worse, dehydrated people smell bad.
Like there is a specific smell.
Really?
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Really?
What does it smell like?
It just smells like they need water in their mouth.
Is it stinky?
Does it smell bad?
The dehydrated halitosis.
What is that?
Oh, it's halitosis.
It's bad breath.
It's just a scientific word.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
You need to work on your halitosis.
It is true.
Like if you, yeah, cause like the bacteria builds up because they haven't flushed it in a while.
Oh my gosh.
And, and like, well, you can tell in their skin, you can tell in their breath.
And their pee.
Oh, I don't look at their pee.
She doesn't look at their pee.
Oh, you can tell in your pee.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The color.
But the smell.
It just, yeah, it smells really concentrated.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because there's no water.
Ew.
Yeah.
Madeline looks like like a container of fruits.
She's always eating fruit.
Whole foods produce.
You look like a farmer's market.
Thank you.
Yeah, I look like a bag of chips.
This is all makeup, boys and girls.
And I look like those pork rinds.
Snacks, you know what I'm talking about?
The chicharrones.
Matt's skin is so good that my middle-aged elder father literally was like unprompted, like wow, Mattie has really good skin.
That's when you know what a middle-aged man?
Yeah, she's always, always glowing.
So drink enough water.
Drinking water water um, i don't know.
For me it's moisturizer.
I don't know something as simple as moisturizer can really make a difference, like It's one thing to just like wash your face and then just go about your day.
It makes your face feel kind of tight.
So you have to have like a very moisturized base.
Like same with like lotion.
I always have lotion on me.
I'm always moisturized.
Like first thing out of the shower, I like slather my body with lotion.
Because you can tell.
You can tell too, when people are moisturized like they just they look ashy.
You can tell when they use the wrong moisturizer yes, because it's not hydrating.
Or like yeah, you have to do your research on moisturizers like you have to use.
They don't have to be expensive brands, they just have to be good quality brands like Yeah, CeraVe's so good.
But you can literally tell the surface of your hand right here.
It could be so white and ashy and cracked.
And I'm just like, every single time I see that, I'm just like, please, can I give you lotion?
Please, can I just moisturize you?
You're a lotion fairy.
Yeah.
A water fairy.
And like when you're dry, you start flaking over everything.
You just like, I saw someone's like yesterday and they were so ashy.
And like, I literally saw like the dandruff off their skin just like float away.
And I was just like.
Watch it like catch in the wind and like be dispersed.
Please moisturize.
Yes.
That's disgusting.
How about you, Jen?
I know it's so gross.
Mine would be, I think a tinted lip product of any kind.
It makes so far.
Like a lip balm?
A lip balm, just like a little bit of color, like even a fainted tinted lip balm.
I just wake up in the morning and I look sick.
Like I look like I am ailing.
And then I little swipe of something and you're like, ah, she's a human again.
If you think about it, makeup is just kind of like fake blood.
You're just putting more fake blood on your face.
Like if you have no lip color, that means there's like barely any blood circulation to your lips.
So like any color, just like here's some.
Nice purple blood.
Cheeks.
Blood.
Yeah.
Eyeshadow.
Blood.
Oh, yeah.
Everything's blood.
I was thinking about this.
I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.
It's either blood or it's shadows.
Blood is life.
The blood of Jesus Christ.
It's blood.
It's either blood or bone that you're drawing onto yourself.
Like contour that's bone, because it's like how your skin drapes off your cheekbones and your shadows.
Drapes.
Yes.
Blood and bone.
I'm just imagining you doing like a get ready tutorial.
Ready?
Bone.
Let's put some blood right here.
Let's put some blood right here.
Victor Frankensteining.
So today we're talking about the idea of investing in being hot, because beautifying yourself is a skill.
She's prepping.
She's prepping.
She's flirting with the camera.
I'm flirting with the camera.
She's very good at it.
Because beautifying yourself is a skill that unfortunately, in this patriarchal society, will take you further.
So it's a skill that you should invest time and money into because it will pay you in return.
Yeah.
I'm kind of nervous to talk about this because there are obviously a lot of opinions around if looks matter or not.
And obviously, in a perfect world, they shouldn't have to.
But in the society we live in, it's just your eyes gravitate towards beautiful people.
And it's not just surface level, it's also like who they are, like the confidence that they wear on the inside as well.
But you know, when you look good, you feel good, like we're all feeling really good right now because we look good, and of course, that's not the biggest thing that matters, but it does unfortunately matter in this broken society.
You must adhere to the rules, unfortunately.
So yeah, You don't have to.
You don't have to.
Well, it's more like if you're going to be in the society, you might as well make it work for you.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah.
And play the rules of the game.
Exactly.
Play the rules of the game better than the people who wrote the rules.
And don't we look so good today?
A moment of silence for everyone.
Hair flip.
I have to say, I got this top at Target for $18.
It looks so good on you.
So investing can be smart.
Yeah, it doesn't have to be a ton of money.
I got it, yes, two days ago.
Vintage, thrifting, anything.
It looks good.
Vintage, yes.
No, honestly, vintage is- The way to go.
It's a good choice because they used to make clothes- So much better.
So much better.
With quality.
It was constructed.
Better spending 20 bucks on someone else's used shirt, but it's like a hundred percent cotton and it's like reverse woven or whatever.
I think that's like so much more worth it than buying just like a new top.
That's polyester 100 yeah, and already disintegrating yeah, like one wash and you can't use it yeah, but you look great.
You look like each of your arms looks like a snake It does.
Very beautiful, graceful snake.
So can anyone be hot?
I think everyone can be hotter.
Oh okay yeah, i 100 agree yeah, but but you also have to work with what you got.
You know, and some people are blessed with genetics and then some people have to work with what they got.
I think it's a nice idea to think that everyone will be perceived by society as equally hot.
I think that is a nice idea.
It's a comforting idea, but I think the reality is based on society's standards of what is and isn't hot.
There are people that naturally are like, genetically thinner.
They genetically have more angular faces, defined bone structures that like, make it easier when the products that are created better fit their natural.
And then there's others that you have to like work a little bit harder.
So my conclusion is anyone can be hotter.
Yes.
Hotter.
Hotter.
Especially men.
There was this TikTok I saw and it was like men should just try harder because women have to do so much.
Like they were like, men aren't allowed to be bald because what do you mean?
We have to like spend all this money like clothes jewelry, some people get like procedures Botox, whatever.
Like if that's what you expect from a woman, you are not allowed to be bald.
Like go get yourself a toupee or something.
Even if it's like, Because it is genetic.
Sorry, you don't have hair.
And if it doesn't look good, then you're not allowed to be.
Some women really love a bald man.
They find it, like, sexy.
Do you?
There's one I do find very hot.
Mm-hmm.
No toupee for that one, right?
Yeah.
No, no, no toupee needed.
No, exactly.
No toupee needed.
Okay.
You just got to work with what you got.
Yes.
It's like more important for someone to figure out what they have and- Yes.
And like- not trying to get your face or your body to look like what is out there, but optimizing the best what you have and highlighting those features.
So for me, I've always had monolid eyelids.
And so I would try to do makeup tutorials for double eyelids.
They never worked for me.
But working with the monolid instead of hating it or trying to figure out how to fake a crease i've watched i watched so many videos when i was younger on how to fake a crease, but i'm like i literally don't have them.
They physically just don't do work that way, and so that's more important and figure out the makeup that looks better for that, instead of trying to be like a double eyelid makeup look with like big brown eyes it's just not how my eyes are shaped, Yeah.
And your eyes look really good right now.
Because you worked with your natural features.
Yes.
You definitely figured it out.
Invested the time.
Yeah okay, i think that being clean takes you so far.
Like just to bathe yourself, you know like like, don't have greasy hair um, brush your teeth.
You know like it takes a little.
Like don't have eye crusties, don't have boogers, like just be clean, and that will take you so far, like if you smell good already, instantly hot.
Yeah, like hack if you have nothing else, if you not, if nothing else, just like instant it shows you care a little bit.
Yes yes, i think like, like what is hot is that you care about yourself.
Yeah yeah, you know, and then and then how that shows up in the world can be different for people, but for me, cleanliness is a big one, like if you're careless about yourself, then you'll probably be careless with everything else.
Yeah yeah, but if you just take an extra five minutes, just like make sure you lather when you shampoo goes a long way.
Healthy is hot, Healthy is hot.
Broomed is hot.
Healthy is hot.
Healthy is hot.
It's true.
You can tell when people don't take care of themselves.
You can tell when they don't exercise.
And it doesn't have to do with body shape.
Like it literally just has to do with like you are not moving your body and I can tell.
You know?
You see it in the eyes.
Yeah.
Not getting enough sleep.
Just prioritizing yourself goes a long way.
Yeah, i think anyone can be hot, like i think hotness is.
It's a measure of being able to see at least one thing in yourself that you really like and then just taking it to the next level.
So like, even even if you're not like physically, you're not like built like a Greek God or whatever,
Like for me, I have negative boobs.
Okay.
I have nothing.
And I used to think that that was something I know you want to see, you can't.
I used to think that there was something like seriously wrong with me because I'm like I'm not a woman.
These haven't come in.
It's been decades.
They still haven't come in.
What's wrong with me?
And then I remember one day I was thinking, like, OK, I guess I'm stuck with these.
Let me see if I can dress in a way that can accentuate like the beauty of how small they are.
And so ever since I like kind of shifted into that.
I stopped buying clothes made for girls with bigger boobs and I started buying clothes that looked very classy and very like nice, draped over nothing.
And like instantly I felt so much better about my body.
I felt so much more confident because I actually finally looked good.
So I think anyone can be hot as long as you just like, know what works for you and you don't have to be like this tiny.
You don't have to be this built.
You just have to honestly like love yourself.
Yes.
Honestly.
Be happy with what you're given.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I know it's been a struggle for all of us, because it's just, we just see Bella Hadid and she's gorgeous.
Also, I mean, guys have that too.
Like I was sitting on a plane with someone yesterday and he was like, I've always been skinny and I like, worked really hard to build my body up, but I still just see myself as this skinny, lanky kid.
And I'm like, have you seen yourself?
You look amazing.
And he was like, no, I just, I can't see myself as anything else.
Yeah.
Oh man.
And I was like well, I see you and you look really good and I want to touch your arms, but I probably shouldn't.
I was straight up like, I was like checking him out.
I'm like, I hope you don't mind.
I'm like really checking you out right now because you do look so good.
The whole package of what you wear, what your hair looks like, how you do your makeup is such a skill which I think I didn't realize.
And I know Mads, you talk about this all the time, but it is almost truly an artistic skill of knowing how patterns and textures work together, how they drape and fall on your body, the proportions of your body shape, whether your torso is really long or you have really long legs like how to accentuate and like basically taking the things that you have and accentuating the best parts that you love.
But it is a skill and it takes time to study and watch all of the videos and then like experiment and try things out, which I didn't realize how much it takes like practice and honing and trying.
Cause I just didn't, I didn't wear makeup for like most of my twenties.
I discovered makeup like two years ago.
Yeah.
Going to Asia and buying products that actually worked for our features.
But...
I think that if there is something, well, okay, so I have multiple hot takes on this.
One is that if you don't like something about yourself or you think something is ugly and therefore not hot, it's because you were told that from someone, whether that's like society or products are not available that suit you or whatever body shape.
It could literally be anything right.
But like that is an informed opinion.
And then two, I think that there really is room for everyone at the table.
And so as a result, like if you're trying to conform to something, you are dimming yourself and then being less hot.
If, if you would just just like take it to the, to the next level, to the ends of the earth.
Yeah if, if you could actually find a way which and the difficult part is like maybe you don't have the tools to be elevating like the parts of you that are unique, you know because, like it's cost money.
Yeah, skinny people is like number one, right.
Yeah, there's like clothes are made for skinny people kind of thing, but yeah, it costs money, it costs time that a lot of people don't have because they're trying to pay bills.
So i think there's like room, the table for everyone, Because to tie it all the way back up to like can you be hot?
It's like, yes, with the right mindset.
Yeah, it's all about mindset.
Hot isn't like a, it's not an appearance thing.
It's an inside thing that manifests outwards.
Yeah.
It's like exuding.
So if you don't think you're hot, you're not going to be hot.
Yeah, you know what i mean.
Like you have to see the value and the uniqueness, whether that is something that you see widely or you don't, and you have to embrace that, i think, and then, when you see the beauty in it, you'll be able to draw it out.
Yeah yeah, hotness is very seldom about appearance.
Like you can look your best, but if you don't feel confident on the inside, it's gonna show the shows yeah, yeah.
So that's why okay, that's why i love nerds.
I actually think nerds are very hot because they are just like unapologetically like, so in love with what they do and like what they're passionate about.
And they like, they can't help, but just like it over everyone.
And I'm like, this is great.
Like you're not trying to be anyone else.
Like this is you.
And I think that's really hot.
Like you're, you have to be so good at being you.
And then you'll be hot.
Hotness is not like a goal.
It's more of like a byproduct.
Yes.
Yeah.
Correct.
So we've talked about like hotness in terms of like aura, confidence, presence.
And we also talked about like taking care of yourself as being a form of being hot.
So is hotness physical or is it a state of being?
Is it a mindset?
There's obviously the physical.
That is like anyone can observe and say, but the lasting hotness is on the inside.
Because if you're physically hot, but you're like, You're a brick wall.
Or you're just like a tool.
Yeah.
And like immediately the hotness drops.
It just shrivels.
And then I see like the darkness in your face.
You know what I mean?
Like you are not... I mean, you might have like washboard abs, but like if you're a dick.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Yeah, there's different encounters with hotness.
Like you could be a really beautiful person.
Like there's this guy that i knew.
The first time i saw him like my jaw literally dropped and i like could not look away.
But then i tried talking to him.
He had nothing to say, he was like he was like literally talking to a brick wall.
And then I asked all his closer friends like oh, does he like ever come out of his shell a little more?
They're like, nope, that's it.
That's all he is.
And I'm like, well, what a shame, you know, because it's like, you're so gorgeous.
You're so beautiful.
I can't talk to you.
Like we can't have a beautiful conversation.
And so suddenly you don't make me nervous anymore.
Yeah, but if it's someone like even less like physically attractive, but they have confidence, they have like swagger, they know how to like guide a conversation, they know how to ask about you ask questions.
I'm like, oh, okay.
Let's take this for a ride.
Can you all think of someone recently that is objectively not hot by the world's standards, which we don't care what the world thinks, but was hot to you.
You were like, on paper, this should not work, but somehow it's working for me.
You're like, I want this so bad.
Yeah, because I think that is like a perfect example of like the world probably won't do a double take for that person.
But when they open their mouth and they move, whatever it is, all of a sudden you're like.
Yeah.
Yes, I can think of one.
It's called the Ed Sheeran effect.
Oh, it's kind of like that.
Yeah.
I call it that.
It's cool to see musicians perform.
I think musicians are like the closest thing, like the closest example everyone knows of, of like someone who's like really hot and who can be hot.
Even if you don't, look conventionally attractive physically.
But if you're like doing your thing and you're in the zone and you're like jamming out.
One of my friends showed me this video of this drum prodigy and They look like a super nerd.
You know, I'm just like I probably wouldn't give them a second glance on the street, if I like, walked past them.
But when they were playing drums, they were so dialed in.
And you can just see the years of practice and the, the authority and like how they played and I was like, Oh wow.
That's hot.
So passion is hot.
Passion is hot, yeah.
And it's kind of like your frontal lobe, the inner critic, when that's turned off.
I think that's really hot, because then that's when someone can exist fully as themselves.
Yeah.
And that's really hot to me.
Yeah.
It's like when people are trying to be too cool.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
It's really so unhot.
It's so ugly.
It's such a turnoff when you're trying to be cool.
Yeah.
When they try to be cool, they're like yeah, I did this and I met this person and I did this thing with this other person.
I'm just like, okay.
Trying to not care.
I'm just gonna leave now.
You're so beautiful.
It was nice to meet you.
It wasn't.
There's plenty of other beautiful people in the world.
I think there is the physical hotness, there's the inside hotness and obviously you can work on the inside hotness by trying to learn to love yourself.
But I think it is, unfortunately in this world, it is equally as important to focus on the physical.
Not trying to be necessarily what the beauty standards that society has set for you, but to invest in how you physically show up in the world.
Because the fact of the matter is that you will get farther.
So like your physical appearances are kind of like the marketing for yourself.
You have to convince someone to kind of take a look at you, whether that's in the workplace, whether that's in dating, whether that's in friendships.
Like I always when I first met Jen, like I did my hair and then I told her at that first date you will never see this hair again.
Because I was literally, I was like, I'm reeling you in.
She said, I am trying to sham wow you and I hope it's working.
And now eight years later, here we are.
And now I'm sham wowing you.
But the truth is like, in order for someone to buy in, to give you the chance that you deserve, you have to make them want to give you a chance, and that's gonna be in the marketing and how you present yourself physically.
And so, whether that is physical beauty, whether that's makeup, working out clothing, whatever it could be, I think the point of talking about this is that it's important to invest in whatever that may be, so that you show up in the world and they want to take a look at you and do.
I wish it was that way, absolutely not.
And, like you said, like it's.
It's a nice thought to think that like, everyone could be hot in this world.
But even if you don't feel like it, like there is, there is room for you to show up, so that you're on the map, so people will look at you.
You know what i mean.
And like, if you saw me when I woke up this morning, you would not look like.
I guarantee you, you'd be like, looking like a.
You know what I mean.
But it's like, I have to show up on camera.
I gotta do the hair.
I gotta do the makeup so that you care to even be like, oh, not even like, oh, that person's pretty.
It's just like, oh, at least they look like they belong in the place.
Like I don't belong here.
You know what I mean?
But you know what I mean?
So it's kind of like, you just have to, you have to put on the costume, unfortunately.
And like, and then believe it.
Yeah.
So that other people believe it.
Yes.
And then, and then you can share what you have to share with, like your ideas, your creative I don't know inspirations, whatever they could be.
But it's like the marketing for making people buy into you.
Like how many times are there like really good products that have trash marketing?
You know what I mean?
And that product is not gonna go as far because people are not interested in it.
It's not flashy.
It's not beautiful.
The messaging is not great.
And like, unfortunately, the way that you show up in the world is the same.
You can be a 10 hotness on the inside, but if you are like showing up greasy Like no one's gonna look at you.
And so for you to be able to contribute all that you can in society, You gotta care about your appearances, Ari.
I love vanity though.
I love vanity.
No, but that's the thing too.
It's so fun.
I love doing my makeup.
I love putting on an outfit and being like I cannot wait for everyone to see me today because I'm just going to make their day better.
It's true, like every single time i put on a good outfit and i'm about to like leave the house, i'm just like wash out world, like your day's about to be better, you're about to be inspired.
That's the mindset you need.
Yes, i don't have that.
And like people can tell, when you walk into a room, like you don't even have to look around, you just like walk into a room, you know you look good.
And if you know you look good, you could just like feel the eyes around you, like wow, she looks so good.
And then so it's just this invisible conversation, like hello, i'm here wow, you look good.
I know I want you to look, I want you to be here too.
Anyways, that is honestly like what I think it's like.
And then I don't know, it just makes you more confident when you when you know that like you look good and you know that other people think the same thing yeah, it just like helps you show up a little better in the world.
It's true yeah, So sometimes I go to these like events, these influencer events, where I get to like meet brands and see if I can get like deals with them.
I wore these jeans to an event and they were the talk of the event and I like landed a few brand deals because of that.
Yeah, so it really does, it does help.
It works.
It really works.
Cause like, of course I have a glowing personality.
But it was the jean first that was the conversation starter, like, ooh, love your pants.
People don't care about the glowing personality if they don't like what you look like.
Unfortunately,
If they don't see sparkle jeans, unfortunately.
Yeah, so you have to make yourself sparkle so that people want to buy in.
You gotta create your own look, and it could be in the form of jeans or a really good hair day.
Like, look at Jennifer's hair.
Don't you want to talk to her?
I spend a lot of time on it.
Yeah, how much time did it take for you to learn how to do this hair?
A really long time.
Many curling irons.
I've lost so much hair in the curling iron clamp thing.
If anyone knows, Con Air.
Sorry, I don't want to drag this brand.
Sorry.
An old curling iron that I've had probably since like high school, honestly.
I need to get a new one.
But it catches the hair in there and I just, ow.
So the price of beauty is pain.
But I think it's interesting the idea of vanity because, as someone that did not invest in makeup beauty, fashion for most of my 20s, I feel like I always thought it was an indulgence in vanity that was deemed wrong, a dangerous slippery slope that would feed like insecurity and comparison.
So I, for many, many years just was like, oh, that's fine.
I don't really care that much.
So it just didn't really cross my mind at all.
And I feel like the motive, it all goes back to like what the motivation is.
So like you are putting on those jeans because you feel good in them and it's for you.
And I think if I were in my early twenties trying to invest in being hot, it would be for the wrong reasons.
It would be because I want the attention or I want the eyes.
I want people to look at me.
It's all about like receiving eyeballs instead of, you know what?
I feel good today.
And if no one sees me, I just took myself on a little like coffee date.
I feel good.
And I feel like that is such a big difference.
I think if I were to invest in being hot in my twenties, it would be kind of a train wreck. or a little bit of a winding road and the left turn.
Whereas now it just feels good to feel cute for yourself.
It's about self-respect and self-worth to be like, I'm worth spending this time for me. which is different.
It's like an important skill to learn so that you can wield it to your advantage.
So like one, it's if you want to feel better, if you want to feel good about yourself, like I'm going to put this time into myself and no one has to see it.
Two, it's I want people to look at me and i do want to receive that validation and i deserve it.
So i'm going to do that, yeah.
Three is i'm going to be more successful in the world because like, there's studies that show right, like more attractive people get more success.
So why would that not be something that you put your time and money into if you know it's going to bring you more success?
Like humans love beauty, why would you not do that?
If those are all of the outcomes that you can have, while knowing there is the negative risk of, like i could fall into the trap of comparison.
I could fall into the trap of this is my value and this is my worth.
Like you have to know on the inside that's not the case yeah, but you also need to know the value of having the skill as well.
I often think about I don't want to say how much farther would I have gotten if I had the skills, but when I look at other girls, now that we're talking about comparison,
But when I look at other girls, I'm just like, wow, they know how to do everything.
They know how to do hair.
They know how to do makeup.
They have fits.
And I just I don't naturally care as much, but I feel the need to care in order to be relevant in the spaces.
And I find it unfortunate, but it's kind of like it's just the cost of the game of life, unfortunately.
And I feel like that's not really talked about enough.
Do you enjoy it?
I enjoy it when it's not necessary.
So if I'm just going out on a Friday night to have dinner with girlfriends, then I like it.
Or sometimes, occasionally, getting ready for a date, I like it.
But there's also getting ready for dates where I'm like, why do I have to put on makeup?
This is stupid.
Or going into work, why do I have to look presentable?
My work should speak for itself.
Yeah.
But unfortunately, unfortunately, it's true.
This is the world we live in.
Some people me are naturally more inclined towards vanity, so like to invest, it's true, like i've always wanted to be pretty, so to invest in being like hot and being like physically attractive just comes naturally, because it's inherent, versus some people just like don't care as much.
And that really confuses me.
First of all, I'm like, why not?
It's so fun.
But yeah, some people just like don't care as much.
And I understand that it could just be a little harder to a chore.
It's kind of like when.
It's kind of like When you're like oh, in order to be fit, I have to go running.
And some people really like running and some people really hate running.
It looks the same and it will manifest the same physically, but it's just like.
The motivation behind it can be different.
Yes.
Yeah.
So like I know, like when we say like invest in hotness, it's kind of like a commission, like a charge.
But like we know it can be a little more difficult.
That's a great comparison, though, because I I am of the camp that because I don't care as much.
And so when I see you, I'm like, oh my God, it's so inspiring.
Like I should care the way that Emily does, because you know it will it.
Just I should, kind of thing.
But then, like when you say that it's similar to working out, I think that, especially as women, we should look at it as the same because like, the outputs of what you will get are going to be just as measurable when you invest in, like physical appearance and being palatable to the world.
So that's why I feel like the weight of like I should, but I, if it was just me like you should see my at home clothes.
Like I do not give a fuck.
She's very cute at home.
She's so cute.
She has like a lot of sweatshirts palling around.
Yeah, she has like yeah, and it's not cute.
You know, like i, i look dead most of the time.
Yeah, my hair is like in a greasy ball also feel like it's um.
For me, it's an avenue of creativity because, like creating new looks and creating new outfits, that's like a place where you get to experiment and have fun.
But, like i also get like if it's really just not your cup of tea or you just don't care or you don't feel like you would be good at it, it's like such a wider gap to fill.
So, like I understand.
Well, I understand from afar.
I don't understand sentimentally.
I don't get it, but I understand.
I guess baseline, how much farther do you think you get when you are feeling hot versus not?
Oh, you get so many free things.
Yeah, that's true.
Like what have you guys gotten using your pretty privilege?
I've gotten out of four speeding tickets in one year.
She's gonna bat your eyes.
This is why you need to invest.
I'm telling you.
I'm like, excuse me, officer.
I'm so sorry.
Like, I'm late.
I'm late for church.
Actually, it works.
It works.
Flirting is another skill set that is also, like, will help you get farther.
That's a whole other topic.
But...
Paired well, paired together.
It's over.
Yeah, what have you gotten?
I got free, a free hamachi appetizer and sourdough bread the other day.
The other day?
It was like, do you guys have the bread that we love?
They were like, no.
I was like, oh, but it was so good.
We loved the bread.
We remembered the bread.
Jay.
I need to see this.
The thing is it works.
It really works.
Oh, wait.
Okay.
We went to Sprouts.
No, I don't know if it was pretty privilege or if it was just like our glowing personalities, but we went to Sprouts the other day and we started kind of like flirting with the register guy and we were like, oh my gosh, these candy canes, they look so fun, they look so good.
We didn't want it, of course, but we were just like, I think, low-key.
We're trying to see what we can get.
And he was like, okay, I have a surprise for you.
Just, like, wait here.
And then so he goes into the back and he brings out the same candy canes, but they're like a little broken so they're not going to like sell them.
But, I mean... we didn't want them and they were broken.
So we were just like, oh, but like we got them for free.
It's still, yeah.
It's still something.
Still privilege.
Yeah.
You know, did you eat them?
Did you open them?
No, not yet.
No, I should try them.
I saw them on the counter and I was like, Jay, what are these?
Yeah.
You're like, you would never buy these.
It's like, we got them for free.
Yeah, we got them for free.
When you try them.
I think it's like looked down on to be using that privilege for like, you know what i mean, because there's there's like a stereotype around like, like you're, you're like putting out to be getting things, but like unfortunately, this is just the world, just get the thing.
It doesn't matter what you feel about it, just go off and get the thing.
Well, people like will judge you.
You know what i?
Well, they're not getting the thing.
True.
Do they have candy canes?
No.
True.
Exactly.
They can judge all they want, but they're just not going to get the free things.
Yeah, and if you are judging, what does that say?
Yes, what does that say about you?
Why are you judging?
You're just jealous.
There is actually a lot of resentment, I think because it feels like people that are attractive get a lot more grace in the world.
They get more favor in the world, things are easier for them so.
And it is, and it's true.
And the point of the matter is that you can also be in those places if you invest in being hot.
You too can have pretty privilege.
It's true.
I believe this in my soul.
What have you gotten?
Well okay no, I noticed that I get treated differently when I'm like, when I go out looking like how I feel in the world, like literally just a rat girl, right.
I just go out as a rat girl.
I feel great, but like, I don't look great.
And I know it, but I don't care.
But then I put in a little more effort.
I put on a little outfit and like, I just get treated so much better.
And it's like, y'all are dumb.
Like, why is this happening?
But at the same time, I be getting free things.
So yeah, I think restaurants or like people are just like more eager to help you or like they want to say hi to you.
And it's like lovely.
Waiters, waiters love her.
They do?
They do.
When the difference is so palpable, you're like, why is this existing?
I've seen online before, like there's girls who will say I can be like or I'm a part-time hot girl, you know, or I can be a 10 when I want, but I can also just be like a three.
And like having the range which most people do, I think is important to use the full range of what you've been given.
Because if you don't want to be hot, then you can just fly under the radar.
And it's so freeing.
Yeah.
As well.
Yeah.
But when you're hot, people get nervous and then they don't really know what you're asking and they're like and then you can just ask for anything and they're like okay, here.
Stop looking at me.
Oh, I can't, I can't.
Your glory is too bright.
Like imagine if Jacob Elordi came up to you and asked you for like your cup.
You won't even think about like the ridiculousness of that question.
You'd just be like, Here.
I don't actually find him.
Oh, you don't?
I think he's too pretty.
I think he's too pretty.
I don't find him pretty.
I think I would just be like, you're so tall.
Like, what am I supposed to do?
Oh, that's not so.
Wait, but he has like dimples.
He's so gorgeous.
He's too pretty.
He's too pretty for you?
Yeah.
Why?
He's a little too perfect.
Oh, he's like too simple.
Yeah, AI generated.
Jacob Elordi is AI.
This is just in, ladies and gentlemen.
He's AI generated.
So all that being said, when you see someone hot in public, what goes through your mind?
Because the goal is to make whatever you're about to say, you having that impact on other people.
So what is the thought that you have?
It's social engineering, ladies and gentlemen.
First, I get immediately nervous, like my cortisol spikes.
Cause I'm like, oh my gosh, this person is so beautiful.
And then I think you can kind of tell if this hot person is being performative or not.
You just can kind of tell in the way they sidestep, in the way they interact with people.
Which is why the inside hotness also matters.
It also matters, yes.
Because the outside hotness will only get you so far.
But I will steal as many glances as I am allowed in that time period.
And I'm always just like, what did they do?
Intrigue.
Intrigue.
Intrigue.
I'm like, what did they do?
How did they get here?
Did they're pretty?
Yeah, I just want to know everything about them.
I'm like, how do you exist in this world, the same world as me?
Do you know you're this hot?
Like, do you know it?
That's what I'm wondering.
Like, I want to know if they also know.
Do you know if you're hot?
Yeah.
What if they do know they're hot?
Then what do you think?
If they do know they're hot, then I'm like, per, go off king, go off queen.
Like, okay, good.
Good for you.
If they don't, I'm just like, I want to grab their face and be like, You are so hot.
They need to know.
They need to know.
I don't know.
I'm just like who are you and can I get near you and can I learn everything about you?
Oh, you want to be close as well.
Yeah, I want to.
I want to learn anything, everything about them, and I want to know if they think that I'm also hot, because you know, like calls to like, so I'm like are we alike?
Suddenly, the standard is yours.
I give it to you and you can decide and you let me know.
That is another topic.
Another episode.
Yeah, I'm just like intrigued by them.
What do you think, Jay, when you see a hot person?
I feel like it's very different if it's a dude or a fellow gal.
So if it's a dude, I'm just like doing a double take.
Nothing is going through my mind.
Jen is terrible at concealing her looks.
Her eyes are so obvious.
And her mouth is a little open.
God created beauty.
But if it's a... It is good.
It is very good.
It's the same feeling I have when I see a beautiful flower, actually.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
It's just like admiration.
Yeah.
Just pure admiration.
Like, wow.
Oh, look at the petals.
Yeah.
Look at the color.
I'm so glad you exist.
Look at the jaw.
Yeah.
So my cortisol also spikes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You get nervous?
You get immediately hot.
Like you physically get hot.
I'm sweating right now.
So if it's...
If it's another girly, I actually.
The thing is, I can quickly sense if they're calibrated correctly in their confidence with how they feel.
So sometimes you can feel that there's, they feel too good about themselves.
Like they look amazing, but they just walk and talk a little differently.
That like I feel a little too good.
And therefore like, I'm like, wow.
And then I see them move and talk to somebody else.
And then I'm like, oh, she feels a little too good.
And so then I like lean back.
But if it's calibrated correctly, there's a presence, there's a charisma, there's an aura about them that is magnetic.
And so I'm proud of them.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Yeah, I can feel perhaps the effort and intentionality that they put into it.
And I feel like I'm admiring their art.
Oh, I really like that.
It's like all coming full circle.
It's like outside hotness to get them in, but you also have to know truly where you are and what your value is.
And then if it's correct, it's like immediate just.
That's true.
Because if it's not calibrated, then they're really loud about it.
Yeah.
And then you're like, oh.
You don't believe that for yourself right now.
It's not hot.
It's not hot.
It's like if there's two sliders.
People are often like calibrated too far to the right or they feel too good about themselves or they're too low and like there's insecurity, and you can sense that too.
And it's you also kind of like, oh, they don't know.
But when it's perfectly aligned, the confidence, does not demand attention.
It just emanates in the room.
The confidence is quiet.
Yes.
It's pleasant.
It's not yelling.
It's pleasant.
It is at peace.
I'm just inspired by it, I think.
Inspired.
So one is like, awe, immediate awe, admiration, cortisol.
And then two, based on what's inside then, it is either inspiring or off-putting.
That's so good.
That's so good.
And I'm like, good job.
I don't want to be like that.
Yeah, you put together an amazing outfit.
You put in the eyeshadow shade is matching perfectly.
So I noticed a lot of the details too that I feel like they curated.
So when you met me.
I think I was in shock that you were so forthcoming with your shamwowing.
And I was like, she is not like the others.
This is a special one.
And yet here I am, ShamWowing everyone.
I think like when truly hot people know that they're hot, but they don't have to prove it to anyone.
They have enough space to be outward facing in terms of just like generous with others and in the way that they interact.
They're not trying to like grasp at attention and like bring it to themselves.
They're not trying to like get your gold star from you and place it on themselves.
They have enough like gold star from within, that from inside that they're able to then see everyone else and see the beauty in everyone else, because they see the beauty in themselves.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's evolved.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not everyone is like that.
It's like the difference between respect for themselves versus ego that they have for themselves.
And those feel very different.
Yeah.
And ego and insecurity are basically two sides of the same coin.
Yeah.
But there's a quiet, peaceful respect that they have.
I love a hot girl that's like kind of like, that's like funny, you know?
Like you.
Yes, basically.
I just like myself.
I love myself.
If I see a hawk girl and she looks magnificent, but she also doesn't mind being ugly in public.
At the same time, If I see a hot girl in public and she's being nice to everyone and not calling attention to herself because she knows that just her presence is enough.
I'm like, this is perfect.
This is like a glorious human being.
And I do really respect that too, because I'm like, okay, you know you're all that.
You're exactly who you think you are, but you don't need to call attention to it.
And yeah.
Yes, like don't demand the attention.
The attention will come to you for true hotness.
Yes, they already know it.
I don't know if you're intimidated by hot people.
I don't feel like you are.
I don't think I am either, because I also don't think that I find conventionally attractive people hot.
I find the mind and the heart.
More than I find like physical appearances hot.
I mean, I love me physical appearances, you know, of course, but that's not really what speaks to me.
I find you notice fashion choices.
Oh yes.
More so like more than physical appearance.
I feel like more than like physical features you notice, wow, they have a really cool jacket.
I love those jeans.
Because fashion is indicative of mind.
Oh yeah.
So like that's why the fit then becomes hot because, like it doesn't even matter what this looks like you can express through something else which is like, like this doesn't even matter that much, you know.
So yeah, the fit is indicative of the mind which then goes back to like a good look is actually an art that they've put together, it's creativity and it's like it's like your ability to express and display the best parts of yourself through something which is really hot.
Yeah.
Or like if you can like tell a joke, you can give me a little 30 banter.
So if you see someone over there with the best outfit ever, what are you thinking?
What's going through your head?
I'm just trying to see what those pieces are.
I'm like, oh, where did they pull that?
Or what are they putting together?
Do I like it?
Are you curious about the person?
It depends.
Do you want to go talk to them?
It depends on the aura.
I like to talk to everyone, so yeah.
Yeah.
In a room full of you walk into a room full of people and you can go.
You can talk to anybody, or maybe you're just waiting for people to come and talk to you, but like what draws you towards someone more than somebody else.
What creates that intrigue that you're like of the 15 people at this gathering, at this party.
I hope they come up to talk to me, or I'm just gonna go up to talk to them.
I think it's when they know that they know their value or an inkling of it.
They might not know the full value, but like they know what they have to offer.
And that shows up in many different ways.
Yeah, it exudes silently, even in body language, the way they sit in a chair yeah, the way they use their tongs to pick up like a mini sandwich, and then, and then it's, and then, similar to you guys, it's find out.
Are they full of it, or is that just really who they are?
Or the sliders calibrated?
Yeah yes yes, and then we can determine okay, is this going somewhere?
Oh,
And then you buy your eyelashes.
Yeah, I flirt with everyone a little bit.
You flirt with the whole world.
You really do.
And it's very effective.
Listen, flirting is fun.
It's a lot.
That's a whole other episode we should do.
Should we talk about flirting in another episode?
We should.
So you're either the person in the room that is drawing the eyeballs or notice the times when, like you, are being drawn to someone.
We would love to hear all of your thoughts about this topic and comment down below.
Do you agree or disagree?
Can anyone be hot?
Tell us your opinions and your thoughts.
Do you agree with any of our hot takes?
Do you disagree?
What are the nuances?
Share with us.
We would love to argue with you.
We love a good fight.
Thank you for joining our conversation.
We are so pleased to have you.
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And thank you for joining us on our conversation about being hot.
We hope you have the hottest week.
Hot Pursuit out.
