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Hello, everyone. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good day to everyone out there watching this webinar.
Today is module one of our social anxiety in business and in life.
I'm going to give you strategies to help mitigate the effects of social anxiety in professional settings, social settings, interpersonal communication, And I'm going to share some wonderful strategies with you today in this module and in the following modules that we have in this theme all right so i'm going to share my screen and we'll get right to it.
All right, my friends, so I'm going to give you strategies to help you identify and address social anxiety triggers.
Everyone has a different trigger or set of triggers.
So this is going to require you to think about recent social interactions you've had, whether in social settings or professional settings, and help you think about that in a way that will help you strategize for future social interactions so that you can show up with less and less social anxiety in these settings.
Okay, so let's first talk about What exactly social anxiety is?
It involves an intense fear of social situations.
Anytime you're interacting with somebody where you feel like you're put on the spot, where you are in the spotlight and you don't necessarily like that or if you are somebody who likes the spotlight but still gets pre-performance jitters or gets nervous, those butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms, shaky hands, and all of that.
In the workplace, it is very common, right?
62% of adults report having social anxiety issues at work. or social anxiety inducing situations where they feel very nervous to speak up in meetings, to network, to talk to their boss, to ask about a pay raise, to have small talk with their colleagues around the proverbial water cooler.
And this greatly impacts our life, our ability to enjoy our work, our ability to have fun, let loose, be relaxed, you know, a barbecue or a social gathering or just enjoy time with our friends because we get too caught up in the details. of social anxiety.
It can significantly impact your social and your professional life, and that's why we really do want to address this. and not let it deter us from having those social interactions any longer.
So let's talk about identifying triggers and the workplace settings.
So it might be meetings and presentations.
We talked about being put on the spot. If somebody says, hey, Jeremy, you want to present what you talked to me about last week and you're not necessarily prepared, Jeremy's going to feel some social anxiety.
So public speaking, group settings, group discussions, Could be even those casual conversations that we have with colleagues, formal and informal collaborations. those performance elaborations evaluations where we're, you know, also put on the spot in some way and it's requiring us to kind of be judged, evaluated, and so to speak.
This is something that is absolutely social anxiety inducing where feedback is involved.
And then being watched, right? You have observations where you're being evaluated in that way.
You're being looked at. and trying to see if you meet certain criteria.
So that can certainly be very anxiety inducing.
And then for some strategies for these work-related triggers that we can think about, implementing, I want you to start thinking about gradually exposing yourself to these social anxiety inducing situations so that you can develop a thicker skin so that you can build the muscle, right?
So slowly over time, exposing yourself, to these kinds of situations and actually seeking them out, believe it or not.
Be prepared, right? Be as prepared as you can be.
We can't, of course, prepare for any type of situation, but you can at least have an idea in mind as to how you are going present yourself in that situation, how you're going to show up in that situation, how you are going to essentially interact and If there's a performance element to it, how can you prepare for that performance?
So an example of that would be a speech that you're giving or a meeting that you're running or Any other time where you are essentially public speaking, that is a type of performance, right?
And it doesn't mean that you have to perform in a way that is inauthentic to you.
Absolutely not, but it is a type of performance.
So I do want you to think about that. in terms of knowing what to say, knowing how you're gonna say it, rehearsing ahead of time, being aware of your nonverbals, being aware of your tone of voice, of your prosody, of your intonation, of your stress patterns, as much as you can, try to pinpoint the exact areas where you know you need some additional practice and preparation.
Make sure that everyone is level set on expectations, establish those at the as early as possible. communicate your needs with your managers and with C-suite if that's something that you do.
And then lastly, tap into your mindfulness practices.
So if you don't have any mindfulness practices, now is a great time to start implementing them and being familiar with them because everyone is going to have a different go-to mindfulness technique.
For some it might be deep breathing, for others it might be a little bit of movement, for others it might be some type of journaling or introspection.
For others, it could be a meditation, anything where you feel that your parasympathetic nervous system is calming down.
You're not in that fight or flight mode.
The cortisol levels aren't shooting up. and you are much more grounded and in the moment.
These are going to be really great to have.
Then you wanna think about your social settings and identify triggers in those kinds of settings.
So could it be small talk? where casual conversations at events get you nervous to go to those events.
Maybe it's public speaking outside of work.
Maybe you are presented with an opportunity to be the maid of honor at your best friend's wedding. and you love that but you are so nervous because you know that it comes with a speech and that's public speaking.
So that could be something. Social gatherings where, again, you want to show up as your best self, but you're nervous and you have social anxiety around social settings and parties and get togethers,
And then that prevents you from actually going to these places, meeting friends, meeting people, making new acquaintances.
And lastly, introducing yourself to people, putting your best foot forward, giving a first great first impression, all of these things. are actual social situations that we encounter.
And a lot of people, if they have social anxiety, they're going to shut themselves in their house and not put themselves out there, which is not what we want to do.
That doesn't help us in any way. What helps us is that gradual exposure, practicing, being part of a community like Exploring Academy where you get to meet people from all over the world.
You get to meet people from all different industries who have similar and different interests as you, and you get to practice the communication strategies and the social fluency strategies that I teach in this community. so that you are well equipped to be your best self in any social situation at work or in life.
And that way you are much more prepared and much more inclined to put yourself out there and make friends and meet people and go after the jobs you want.
Okay, so when it comes to identifying strategies for your social triggers, think about some good topics ahead of time.
Sure, how are you is an okay question, but there are so much better ways of talking to people. saying things like, what is the best part of your job?
What's the best vacation you've ever been on?
What do you like to do in your spare time that really helps you Get up in the morning and want you to get after your weekend.
Use your breath and breath work to help calm yourself.
We have that tool right at our disposal, right?
Our breathwork. And it is so underutilized.
So start now with this practice of deep breathing.
Choose your favorite 777 box breathing. the para, what is it called?
Parasympathetic, is it? Anyway, it's that physiological sigh, that's it.
Andrew Huberman talks a lot about this. I myself really enjoy this one where you take a deep inhale, and then without exhaling, you take another quick inhale, and then you release.
For me, that's actually one of my favorites.
Experiment with as many of these as you can, and then you figure out which one is your favorite, and that's the one I want you to fall back on.
And it's such an underutilized tool because it's something that we all do routinely every day.
But most of the time, people are breathing incorrectly, believe it or not.
If you are really serious about eliminating social anxiety, start with the breath.
The other thing we really wanna talk about is challenge the thoughts that you're having.
So instead of just accepting a negative thought about yourself at face value, question it. say well where is that coming from why am i feeling this way am i insecure if so why try to get to the root cause of it because unless you do that inner work, it's never going to go away.
It's just going to get worse and worse until it becomes a big, a big demon of yours and you just don't want to get to that point.
So reframe any negative thoughts, stop them in their tracks.
As they happen, be mindful of them and don't let them get blown out of proportion and ultimately deter you from doing the things you want to do. right if you say oh i really want to make friends but i'm not going to go to that party because I'm so afraid of interacting with people and them judging me.
And I don't know what to say. I don't know what kind of small talk to make. i don't want to seem uncool or whatever then you're never going to make friends so stop those negative thoughts before they take hold of you before they alter your psyche and really just try to move beyond them it takes a lot of work it takes practice But Exploring Academy is here for you, and we have a phenomenal self-paced program that you can do on your own time.
You can meet up with people in our community.
You have unlimited access to creating your own events and your own calls.
You can do a book club. You can do a workout together.
You can do really whatever your creativity allows you.
And then of course we have our live sessions as well.
So something to keep in mind. And then, of course, we have the gradual exposure.
Gradually put yourself out there and climb up the ladder, so to speak.
Start small and then work your way up to bigger and bigger events.
Okay, so when we're thinking about challenging our belief system, there are a couple of things that I want you to keep in mind.
The first most crucial step is to recognize those moments where we are overly self-critical or where we are irrational.
So many people... I was literally just talking about this with my husband the other day.
So many people are so irrational and just throw logic out the window.
So listen, following your gut, intuition, these are very important things, but I also don't want you to lose sight of reason, of logic.
We really want to have a nice blend of both.
Yes, follow intuition. Yes, listen to your gut.
Yes, be aware of all of that, but also think about Is this a logical frame of thought to have?
Is this logical to think of it this way? because this is going to help you stop that negativity in its tracks. and help you get less anxious about things.
Or when that anxious moment starts to boil up, you say, okay, well, what's the rational thought behind this?
Is there any truth to this logic? Is there any logic to this thought pattern?
So really challenging that. And then the second thing is question the evidence, right?
Ask yourself, is this belief actually true?
What kind of evidence do I have to support this?
Okay, so challenge it. Just like you would be talking to your best friend.
You wouldn't want them to just, you know, eat themselves up, beat themselves up. over something, don't let yourself beat yourself up over something either.
So challenge these assumptions and then provide an alternative.
Then, of course, after that comes reframing.
Thinking about, what's the positive way of looking at this?
You know, if you think about, well, everyone's going to criticize me, or let's say you got a haircut and it doesn't make you feel confident because you don't like it.
Instead of saying how everyone's going to be staring at your hair, think about, well, are they though?
Like people are really focused on themselves.
Everyone is just very consumed with themselves, most people. think about it in a rational way.
Yeah, okay, they might notice, but They might not, and most of the time they won't notice the haircut that you think looks not great, but maybe some people do. notice it and actually think it looks great.
These are some cognitive restructuring techniques that we can actually use to help us reframe these fears and put things into perspective, at least cause them to be more neutral as opposed to positive or negative.
And then of course, take small actions. It starts with small events, speech acts, then events, then communication contexts, So really gradual exposure is such a great way to overcome your fears, to overcome phobias, to just reinforce a more positive way of thinking.
It does take practice to challenge your current belief system, But the more practice you put into it, the much more you're going to get out of it.
It's going to lead to growth. It's going to help you become a stronger communicator.
Okay, so let's talk about our key takeaways here.
We want to make sure that we recognize our triggers be they in professional or personal situations.
We have targeted strategies that I walked you through.
We're going to remember to challenge negative thoughts through practice, and then ultimately challenge our belief system as well.
Okay, so your mission this week. I want you to track your emotions in three different social settings so that you can identify your triggers.
And I really want you to choose situations that are different from each other.
Okay, so choose maybe one from a social setting, one from a work setting, and one from a more casual setting, if that makes sense.
Social setting could be a night out with friends, professional setting could be a meeting with your manager and another type of sort of personal setting could be you know a difficult conversation with a family member, something like that.
I want you to track your emotions and keep a log of it.
So let's look at an example from a professional setting.
It could be a team meeting, a work presentation, networking event with colleagues. right?
Let's say maybe you feel anxious when you're speaking up in a meeting and you've had bad experiences with it so that you now don't speak up in meetings, even though you have great ideas and lots of wonderful insights to share.
Think about what triggered that anxiety?
Is it you don't want to say something wrong or appear Thank you. less intelligent than you are?
Do you feel like you're not prepared enough?
Are you worried about other people's judgment or evaluation?
Think about what it is. Okay, and take note of it.
Casual social interaction could be conversation with friends, an outing with some acquaintances, a casual chat at a coffee shop, Right.
So maybe you notice there's some discomfort when you're talking to a new acquaintance.
You want to put your best foot forward. You want to make a great first impression, but you don't necessarily know how to do that. think about what is causing that anxiety.
Is it a fear of being, you know, awkward or having these awkward pauses or silences?
Is it the pressure to be an interesting individual and you want to really showcase your your skills and your uniqueness?
Is it some self-consciousness of how you're perceived?
Do you just feel like people are judging you, whatever it is, make note of it.
And then finally, a public or group setting example could be a class discussion, a social gathering, maybe even calling up a restaurant and ordering food.
I can't tell you how many people I've spoken to and how many clients I have. in the community who've told me that they have telephone anxiety and they prefer to just text or place an order via an online service where they don't have to make a phone call.
Like maybe you have some social anxiety when you're at a party and you don't know people and you don't want to show up alone, but you also don't you don't have anyone available to bring with you.
Figure out, is this coming from a place of a fear of rejection where you don't want to be rejected?
Is it about not knowing how to start a conversation?
Is it just sensory overload where it's just overwhelming?
Loud music, lots of people. It's a dark room where you can't really see or maybe there are a lot of bright lights where it's just overwhelming.
Everyone has a different kind of response to that.
So it could certainly be sensory overload that you want to identify.
Okay, so how do we track these things? Well, you can actually carry a small notebook or a set of just a couple of note cards with you or even a sticky pad. or just take your phone, open up a note-taking app, and jot down some of the details there.
You wanna record the following. So what's the situation?
Where are you? Who are you with? Who was there?
Do you know these people? Are they your best friends?
Are they new acquaintances? More details, the better.
What is your anxiety level on a scale from 1 to 10?
10 being the highest, the most social anxiety you have would be 10.
What is the specific trigger? Now this is, I think, the most difficult for us to pinpoint. because a lot of times it's just this feeling of anxiety but we don't necessarily know what causes it well this is going to help you figure out the root cause of that social anxiety.
So I really want you to sit with that discomfort.
Don't let it float over you. Don't try to suppress it.
Don't try to ignore it. Embrace the discomfort sit with it and say, what is causing this?
What moment led to this? What caused this?
You might not know right away, but write down a couple of the options.
And then the next time you're in a situation similar to that, remember the potential trigger points and This episode is brought to you by State Farm.
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Fast, free delivery. It's on Prime. By exposing yourself to more of these types of situations, seeking out the discomfort, you will figure out what exactly was that moment. to cause it.
And then lastly, I want you to think about your thoughts and feelings?
What were you thinking that caused this anxiety to manifest?
Was it a focus on yourself? Was it a fear of rejection was it that you were you had a a bad day and that kind of trickle down into the rest of your interactions for the day, what is it?
And so by the end of the week, I want you to review your notes.
I want you to look for some patterns. Let's do some pattern recognition so that you can identify specific triggers and work on reducing them.
Honestly, the first step is just gaining control over social anxiety and the rest will fall into place, particularly with the more exposure you have and the more practice you allow yourself to have, essentially.
And then of course, if you want some more practice, then I really, really encourage you to come into our community and join us.
There are people like you who want to improve their communication skills. who want to continue with their personal and professional development and who are there and ready to network and make friends and leverage the strategy. because it's one thing for me to give you all the strategies.
I have lots of frameworks and strategies and tools and techniques.
I give you lots of them. for free as well.
But that's one thing, right? To have all the strategies.
It's another thing to be able to practice them in a safe space where judgment is, there's no judgment.
There's no risk of rejection or feeling less than.
And you get feedback, not just from me, and the communication coaches, but from the people that you're interacting with because guess what?
When you're in a conversation, when you have the back and forth, interpersonal, you know, situation communication event, you are getting feedback from people. in the way they're responding to you, in the way that they are being silent, in the way that they're tone is being expressed in a way that they're expressing themselves with their nonverbals, we are constantly getting feedback.
So this is something that is very important if we want to improve our social skills, boost our social fluency, increase our confidence, diminish our social anxiety, and improve our communication overall.
So I really encourage you to revisit the strategies that I've outlined here today in this session and then I really would love for you to track.
Okay. And then lastly, here in the community, you can practice your strategies that we've done.
And then also think about your social anxiety triggers, share them with people, share them in the comments.
And we will continue to show up as our best self every day. so that we can actually get closer and closer to that version of ourselves that we want to project onto the world.
All right. Thank you, my friends, for joining me.
And I'll see you in the next one.
