Okay, I think that's good.
So on October 30th, 2021, I, Natalie Lynn, turned 20 years old.
For the love of, for the love, this will be Augustine.
I definitely can't say I ever expected to be celebrating my 20th birthday on the side of a road.
Ew, I hit a rock.
Oh my god!
Are you serious?
Well, it's just like a fat semi, like... It hit us.
But anyways, the point is, the older I keep getting, the more I start to realize I have to get comfortable with the fact that eventually, one day I and everyone I know is going to die.
There are many uncertainties in life.
Death is not one of them.
It's certain that everybody's going to die.
There's no certainty as to when.
It's the fear of the unknown.
It's this big, huge mystery that none of us really understand.
The ending of life.
All vital functions within the human body come to a stop.
The body temperature drops steeply.
We will lose our ability to experience things as we know them.
That is the condition of our human experience.
Once you're dead, your life in this body is over forever.
So I feel like no one really talks about the daunting inevitability of death.
Like it rarely comes up in conversation how like insane it is that we're all gonna die one day.
The concept of death is absolutely terrifying, at least in my opinion, like I'm terrified to die.
It's just scary to think that, like literally everything you are, everything you've become, everything you want to still become, everything you've created, everything you've ever experienced, all your memories just like, literally everything could be gone in the blink of an eye.
It's just terrifying to think that, like at any given moment, you don't know when, you don't know where, you don't know how, but you could die.
So obviously I have a bit of anxiety about dying, if you couldn't already tell.
For all I know, I could literally die like right now.
Literally right now, there could be like an animal in the bushes, a poisonous spider or something.
But I will say living and traveling out of my van so far has really helped me start to embrace the impermanence of life.
Constantly being in new places, surrounded by different energies and new people for such short amounts of time, has shown me how temporary each moment of life truly is.
In the same way though, it's kind of just made me more afraid to die, knowing how fast life can feel like it's moving.
So basically, what I'm trying to say is, in an attempt to actually confront my fear of dying, I decided to embark on an adventure that literally could have resulted in my death.
Oh my god.
I'm terrified, actually.
Genuinely, this is a terrible idea.
I do not recommend it to anyone.
If you pull, you're literally dead.
Yeah.
That is what this guy showed me.
Holy shit, yeah, you have to be so careful when you get out here.
Okay, so this is the really sketchy part that we have to climb to get to the actual wood planks.
How are you feeling?
Sketched out?
Yeah, i think like it's so wet and people are just walking over there.
A few years back, I discovered this insane adventure location called Vance Creek Bridge, Vance Creek Bridge, Vance Creek Bridge, Vance Creek Bridge.
Vance Creek Bridge.
Vance Creek Bridge has been an absolute dream destination of mine ever since I found out about it online when I was like 15.
This is the coolest place I've ever been in my entire life.
Look at this!
It's 378 feet high.
The second highest railroad bridge in the US.
As sketchy as this adventure is, I've always known it's something that I have to be able to experience before I eventually one day die.
So yeah, I guess I figured what better way to celebrate my 20th year of life than to risk my life.
We are currently at the store trying to find rope, because we're going to try to make like a little rope ladder thing to actually get up the bridge.
I kind of like have to cut them tonight though, because I can't really see anything when I'm walking right now.
Like I just have to go like this and I'm afraid I'm going to fall off the bridge.
No, no.
Oh my God.
I think I just really fell.
It's so uneven.
Are we going to cut more of your thing?
No.
Do you need these?
Take the fucking scissors away from me.
Oh my God.
Take them away.
Okay, so we like double it first and then we tie it.
Oh my God.
Dude.
We did it.
We just had to undo all the knots we previously made to make these things instead to actually like, step in, and I think this is gonna work.
Hopefully.
You're up there.
Holy shit!
Okay, shit.
Oh my god.
What have we gotten ourselves into actually?
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
This is probably one of the sketchiest things, if not the sketchiest thing we've both ever done.
So going back to my main point, I think we as humans all tend to fear death in one way or another.
Oh my god.
That is like the scariest moment.
Oh my god, I can't believe this is happening.
Actually, I can't believe it.
I can't believe we're doing it.
But going on this adventure, confronting my fear of dying, made me realize if we spend our entire lives fearing death, we may never understand what it's like to truly be alive.
We're here!
We made it!
This does not feel real at all right now, like I've dreamt of doing this for so long We did it Cause soon enough we'll die Cause soon enough we'll die Cause soon enough we'll die I'm shaking so much.
This is so sketchy.
You can just fall through like.
I'm definitely not trying to say that risking your life is the only way to feel alive, though.
Looking back on my life so far, the most alive I've probably ever felt was when I was a kid.
And I think that's because kids always seem to make the most out of anything and everything.
But as I've grown up, I feel like I've started to take life way too seriously, which has obviously restricted me from feeling young and alive again.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is even though I'm getting older now, maybe that doesn't necessarily mean I have to grow up.
Okay, ready?
Set.
Go.
I had this genius idea as you're traveling through the iconic mossy Pacific Northwest forest.
The rules are simple.
We both have like five minutes to find a sword or some sort of stick and craft it the way we want it.
And then we're going to get on this log and fight to the death.
And whoever falls off first is the loser.
I'm currently on the search for my weapon of choice.
Good luck.
He's going to find his sword.
I'm going to go look for mine.
All the logs are basically just rotten.
Is thicker or longer better?
I don't really know.
This might be it.
Hmm.
I think I've found something pretty sturdy.
I'm only missing one thing now.
Wait, why are we calling this a sword fight?
It's a stick fight.
I don't know.
Changing the name now, it's actually a stick fight.
Sword fight sounds like we're like five, you know?
Yeah, stick fight sounds so much more mature.
I've never been more ready.
Game on bitch.
You ready for battle?
I've never been ready for anything.
I've never been more ready.
My name is Matthias.
I'm 19 years old and I've been training for this fight my entire life.
So my strategy for this competition is to actually, actually just have no strategy at all.
No!
When people look at my stick, they might judge a book by its cover, but it's not about how big, how long, it's about the motion in the ocean.
Send in your votes.
There was a moment on that log where I had to humble myself a little bit.
This fight was the most intense thing I've ever done in my entire life.
I definitely never thought I'd be having a stick battle at the age of 20 years old.
As stupid as it may look, I do remember feeling very alive in this moment, Just not taking things too seriously and connecting with my inner child again.
When I was a kid, I also used to put on these little dance routine performance things.
And well, I guess no matter how old you get, some things never change.
This was a night on the road that I wish could have lasted forever.
But as I'm learning to accept the impermanence of life, I'm realizing this moment means so much more to me because it didn't last forever.
Maybe because we eventually die one day.
Maybe that is what makes moments so meaningful to begin with is the fact that they're fleeting and they won't last forever.
So we have to truly value them as we're experiencing them.
There's this one quote I heard one time and it was like something along the lines of one day your life will flash before your eyes, so make sure it's worth watching.
So that's kind of like my goal for this next year of my life, my 20th year of life and just van life in general too.
I want to make sure that I'm Prioritizing, experiencing moments that truly make me feel alive.
So at the end of my life, if it's actually true that we get to relive our memories, I want to have as many memories and moments where I truly felt alive to look back on.
I want to have as many of those moments as possible.
It's snowing!
Oh my god!
What?
Mmm!
Oh my God.
So yeah, I'm 20 years old now, and I know eventually one day, I and everyone I know will die.
But I no longer fear death because I know I've experienced what it's like to truly live.
I'm dying, guys.
I'm dying.
Oh, my God.
We're flying.
We're flying.
Thank you.
Come on, you piece of shit.
Okay.
Bro?
Ow, fuck!
Natalie's losing her shit.
Fuck, fuck.
Ow!
Okay, let's try it again.
Yeah!
One more time, one more time.
Run!
No!
Oh, wait, never mind.
It's freezing.
We've been out all day trying to get this one fucking shot.
That probably didn't even turn out.
Cars keep almost hitting us.
What does she do on the couch?
She goes... How'd you feel?
I honestly didn't feel anything.
That's deep.
You would never guess what my inner dialogue was.
I was thinking about how I kind of wanted some pizza, honestly.
Jiggle our bonies.
Let's jiggle them bones.
Let's do this.
Bro, what'd you just get?
Oh, my God.
Actually, though.
Kind of.
Kind of.
Wait, it actually kind of worked.
Dude, my like shoelace was untied on it too.
I was like, no, no, the worst time for my shoelace to be untied.
Just practicing my strategy.
I don't know.
So this is the fresh cut, guys.
The new do.
This dirt.
Ew.
Whoa.
Good game.
Good game.
That was crazy sounds.
