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Am I the a-hole for choosing my wife over my mom?
I, 32 male, have been married to my wife, 33 female, for five years.
I lost my dad when i was 16.
I'm an only child.
Life was rough after he passed, but my mom is one of the strongest women i know.
I was shattered and she held everything together.
I love her more than anything.
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I met my wife in the first year of college.
We've basically grown up together.
She's my world.
Right now the three of us live together in our apartment.
My mom is getting older and needs care and I feel lucky that I have the two most important women in my life under one roof.
Both my wife and I have good careers.
We're ambitious and doing well.
And yes, we don't have a child.
That's a conscious decision.
I'm okay either way.
I love kids and would love to have one someday, but my wife doesn't want one right now.
Maybe not. ever.
We've had long conversations about it.
I have never forced her.
It's her body.
She's at the peak of her career.
She says she doesn't feel ready for motherhood and doesn't know if she ever will.
I
Respect that.
The issue is my mom desperately wants a grandchild.
For the past year, she's been emotionally pushing subtle comments.
You'll understand when you have your own.
Don't wait too long.
Women regret it later.
I kept brushing it off, hoping it would fade.
Two days ago, we had guests over who brought their kids.
After they left, my mom looked at my wife and said, you can't even give me one grandchild.
Isn't that what women are meant to do? your biological clock is already expiring.
My wife immediately said, isn't it my decision whether I want to have a child?
It turned into a heated argument.
I stepped in and told my mom, please stop forcing us.
It's her decision.
Whatever she decides is final.
You don't get to talk to her like that.
I won't lie.
My tone was harsh.
I've never raised my voice at my mom before.
Ever.
I've always been respectful, but this time I snapped.
I've been ignoring these comments for a year and hearing her question my wife's worth as a woman just broke something inside me.
Now my mom hasn't spoken to me in two days.
The house feels tense.
I feel guilty for shouting at the woman who sacrificed everything for me.
But I also feel like if I hadn't stepped in, I would have failed my wife.
My mom hasn't been eating well and mentioned she wants to move out.
Am I the a-hole for losing my temper and shouting at my old mom like this?
Uh, yes, I would say yes.
I would say anything like shouting, being mean, raising your voice to your mom.
It doesn't matter the situation.
You're a grown up.
You shouldn't like let your emotions take over.
You can be frustrated and upset, but you don't need to yell at someone else, especially your mom.
I would say for that you are in the wrong.
But you're not in the wrong for defending your wife.
It's her body, her choice, so she can choose what she wants to do.
But The part you are in the wrong for is shouting and losing your temper.
You are in the wrong for that.
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Next story. am I the a-hole for not doing my fiance's laundry after he snapped at me?
I, 33 female, stopped doing my fiance's, 33 male, laundry after he snapped at me.
This was three years ago, but this morning he was grumbling about how he doesn't have any clean clothes per usual every week and it starts to make me feel bad until I remember why I stopped doing it.
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To set the scene three years ago I was heavily pregnant with our son.
I was put on light duty, not bed rest due to his heart rate fluctuating.
I was seeing a doctor weekly and even had a nurse coming to the house once a week to keep an eye on things.
When our son was born, his cord was wrapped around his neck twice, which the doctor quickly unwrapped, and thankfully he has no issues because of it.
The only problem after birth was the white of his eyes were completely bloodshot, red from the cord being wrapped.
He is now perfect and healthy in every way.
Three years ago, we didn't know why this was happening, so I was put on light duty.
This particular day, same exact day every week, I collected my fiance's laundry, because why can't he use the basket designated for his dirty clothes and carried them to the stairs, since our washer and dryer is in the basement?
Two baskets of his dirty clothes sat for three days by the stairs.
As I reminded him multiple times a day to carry his laundry down heavily pregnant light duty and stairs do not mix well.
On the third day of his laundry sitting by the stairs stairs are in my kitchen, by the way, and right by our back door, which we use often, so very much in the way, I got a bit frustrated and, in a more nagging tone, complained about how he needs to carry his laundry downstairs so I can wash it for him.
He snapped at me.
He told me it's my laundry.
I'll carry it down when I feel like it with more expletives.
And I left for work.
So I carried his dirty clothes back to the room.
A few days later he asked me to wash some of his clothes because he had no clean clothes left.
I told him no because I'll do it when I feel like it.
To this day our dryer peaced out on us so I've had to take the household clothes, two kids clothes and my clothes to my mother's house until we can get a new dryer.
I told my fiance I'll take his shirts, socks, underwear to my mom's too, but he has to collect it.
Like I said, why doesn't he use his designated basket?
And I put it in my car the night before.
I only do laundry on Mondays.
It's been over a year.
He won't do it.
It's like Monday laundry day sneaks up on him or something.
Either way, I refuse to collect, carry, wash, dry, fold, return, put away everything.
If he can't even collect it and carry it to my car, then that's his problem.
So am I the a-hole for not doing my fiance's laundry anymore after he snapped at me?
Oh, I feel like like a year is a long time.
You have made it clear what you want.
You want him to take his laundry, put it in a basket and then put it in the back of your car, and then you'll wash it.
And he can't seem to do that.
Maybe like He's super, super busy and doesn't have time.
If that's the case, then yeah, I guess you're the a-hole.
But if that's not the case, and he has time to do it, but he just literally doesn't do it, then it's not your fault.
You just want him to put it in the laundry basket, which is super, super normal.
Like why would you throw your clothes around everywhere anyways?
You just want them to put it in the laundry basket and then bring it to your car the night before Monday.
I feel like it's not a lot to ask for, so I don't think you're the a-hole in this situation.
However, if your husband is super, super busy he works just constantly, he doesn't have time then yeah, you're the a-hole.
Also, If you're pregnant, then no, you're definitely not a whole, but you said this is a year after.
So I assume you're not pregnant anymore.
Next story.
Am I overreacting for feeling jealous after my boyfriend called someone else the woman of my dreams?
I'm gonna say no, bro.
That's crazy.
Why would he say that?
So my boyfriend and I, 23, have been together for a year.
Everything has been great.
We barely have any arguments.
We enjoy our time together and I feel like he supports me.
Everything was perfect.
But two days ago, we were walking and a woman around the same age came to us screaming, excited.
He looked at her and started screaming as well.
Red flag.
They hugged, jumped together.
At that moment I genuinely thought it was a great friend or maybe a family member that he had not seen in a long time, and I was happy for them.
They started chatting a little bit and then he introduced me.
Not as his girlfriend but by my name.
That's...
That's a little weird, two red flags.
It was odd, but okay.
They continued catching up, really excited, and exchanged phone numbers.
I was just there at that moment.
It didn't feel wrong.
I understood they were old friends and that was it.
But after she left, he just kept looking at her until he couldn't anymore.
Looked at me right in the eye and told me, you just met the one that was the woman of my dreams.
I would break up immediately, immediately if someone said this, bro.
We're done.
We're done.
Anyways, let's see what she does.
I was frozen.
I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded.
He didn't even realize I was shocked.
We kept going and that was it.
But I had been thinking about it these two days and it's driving me crazy, especially because she looks nothing like me.
I don't feel ugly and she is also pretty, but in a different way.
My friends are sure I should dump him.
Me too.
But I'm not sure.
I kind of want to have a conversation with him and try to continue the relationship.
Why?
I feel like he just told you that that is the woman of his dreams, not you.
He literally told this to your face.
That's just what happened.
We both are 23 years old.
He told me they were together in a couple of classes in college.
He quit college two years ago and hadn't seen her since then.
And the phone number exchange we work in and the phone number exchange we work in.
Slash like arts and it was more about some projects.
She did mention she has a boyfriend and said we could all meet sometime and he didn't seem upset about it.
Now to the update.
I don't even know how to start.
I went to his house yesterday around 11 a.m.
I prefer it that way so I don't have ghosts in my house.
I went thinking there was a 50-50 chance to either break up or work on it.
When I got there, he was with a male friend and the three of us were talking.
Then around an hour later, boyfriend got a call.
It was her.
She needed some pictures for her work and asked him if he was available.
He said, I'm with my girlfriend and a friend.
Then he asked me if we could go, take the pictures and come back.
I didn't tell him I needed to talk and I thought it was a good opportunity to see how they would behave now, that it wasn't a surprise after two years of not seeing each other.
So I said yes.
His friend said he had nothing else to do so he also went.
We got there in an Uber, so I had no idea where it was.
They were acting normal.
She works in a private art school, gave us the tour and mentioned they are looking for a new teacher.
Boyfriend told her I'm in my last semester and they could hire me.
She said she will mention it to the owner.
I had been struggling with getting a job, so I was glad about it.
Everything went normal until the end.
When we went outside the building.
She asked him how much it was for the pictures and he said it was nothing.
Before, at his house, he was talking about how he needed money.
She insisted and told him she wasn't paying, the school was.
He still didn't accept.
His friend told him not to be stupid and at least ask for the money he used for the Uber.
She agreed, but he said, no, it's fine.
They kept going a couple of times with the same thing until she went.
Well then, let me at least invite you to dinner.
Then he smiled and accepted.
That was it, the sign I was looking for.
Even his male friend looked at me and I could see in his face he was sorry for me.
In the Uber, I went totally silent thinking about how to end the relationship.
Then I saw a park that is not so far away from my place and asked the Uber to leave me there.
He asked me what happened, but I didn't answer.
I just got out of the Uber and walked.
The now ex followed me asking what was wrong and I couldn't ignore him anymore.
I told him everything.
I'm proud of how I told him.
I wasn't yelling at him hysterically, but I was firm.
He asked for a chance to explain himself.
I told him he would waste our time because my decision was made.
But he begged, so I stayed.
He said a lot of things but here are the main points.
They were never a couple or something like that.
But he did ask her out and she said she wasn't interested.
So I don't have to worry about her because she doesn't like him.
He is entirely sure about it because he asked her out three times and she said no all three times.
He is not looking for her anymore because she has a boyfriend, not because he loves me or because we have a future.
He didn't say that, but that is what I thought in the moment.
If, for any reason, she changed her mind and looked for him in that way, he would say no, because he is with me.
Again, not because he loves me.
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After he finished, I told him I wasn't going to be in a relationship with someone who flirts with others and asked him to leave me alone.
When I walked away he said I know, I said she was the woman of my dreams, but you are the woman of my life.
I just told him good luck with that and went home.
I told my friends everything and they went to my place with break up snacks.
And we had a sleepover where we cried, cursed him and laughed.
Unfortunately, he and i are together in some projects so i can't just block him.
But they were in favor of a petty revenge and asked some male friends that he doesn't know to go to my instagram and write some comments like they are flirting with me.
Lastly, this morning, I actually got a call from the school owner.
He offered me the children and teenager groups.
The schedule is flexible so it doesn't interfere with my classes and the pay is not bad.
So I said yes.
I will start next Monday.
And well, that's it.
I'm not going to lie.
I still feel sad, even though I know I did the best for myself.
He was kind of my first really serious relationship and I really thought he was the one until that problem.
But I'm thinking about looking for therapy to find out why I thought about staying with someone like that, so I don't make the same mistakes.
What I got from this?
I really have amazing friends and I should listen to them.
This community is also great and now I have a job, so it wasn't all bad.
Well overall, i personally think she did the right thing by leaving him.
By the sounds of it, she was kind of just a replacement for the person he originally wanted and if he had the chance he would probably choose that other girl.
So i think in the long run this was the right decision to make and she has good friends, so that's a bonus.
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I'll see you guys next time.
Bye.
