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Welcome to Dear Headspace.
Hello, everyone. Here we are together again for another episode of Dear Headspace, a podcast where I sit down with one of our meditation teachers and we answer your questions about career, love, relationships, mindfulness, basically whatever question is on your mind.
I'm Robin Hopkins, and today I am overjoyed to be sitting here with you, Kaisanga.
As am I, Robin. I'm overjoyed also.
Always a pleasure. I truly, and I know I say this every time, but I just look forward to being able to sit here and share this space with you and answer these questions.
It's always just a pure joy.
It really is. It really is.
This does not feel like work, which is really pretty lovely.
Well, normally, you and I, this would be a moment where we would, I don't know, talk about our day or answer a question or two.
But today, we have something very exciting to share.
We got our very first message from someone who they just wanted to share a moment in their lives where they were feeling mindful.
How cool is that? Yeah, a mindful moment.
No, that's awesome.
Right? So we were like, well, we have to share this.
So I'm going to play it for us right now.
Hey, my name is Liron and I'm from Israel and I wanted to share a mindful moment.
So a while ago, I was finishing eating lunch at work and I was washing my own dishes and being bored and then I told myself why am I being so thrilled about watching waterfalls and water flow from a grand height but I can't be impressed by it and enjoy it when I watch it comes down from the sink while I wash my dishes so ever since then sometimes I try to look at the water while I'm washing dishes and really enjoying the view of it because it is pretty of course sometimes I don't really succeed doing this but sometimes when it doesn't I'm really mindful while doing this so it's really enjoying
for me that's it thank you oh I love that oh that was lovely I resonated with that so much Robin because yeah I'm a water person me too it was so just like the most incredible reminder that that every moment you can dial in and find beauty in anything.
I mean, she found it in the faucet, like tap water.
Like that's incredible.
Yeah, no, no, absolutely.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention though, because something that also came up for me with this, this idea of mindful moments, you know, obviously on this platform, Dear Headspace, the mindful moments that we highlight are those of, you know, joy and happiness.
But remembering mindfulness is not only about those joyous and happy times.
So a mindful moment can be those moments also where you are a bit annoyed or a bit overwhelmed or anxious.
You know, those are also mindful moments.
Also, if you allow yourself to bring your full attention to what is happening in the present moment.
No, I think that's a really good point.
I'll also say I thought something interesting that she said in there when she was like, it's not all the time.
Because I do think we shouldn't set ourselves up for if I'm washing the dishes and I don't think of beautiful waterfalls in Hawaii, well then I'm failing miserably.
And also allowing this awareness to kind of bleed into any activity, knowing that it could be any activity, whether it's getting dressed or taking a shower.
You know, you can experience these mindful moments during those times also.
also. I love it. And, and, you know, if anyone else has moments like that or like what Kisanga was saying as well, like, or maybe you had a darker moment and you had a realization and you came out of it, feel free to share them with us.
You know, we will share them occasionally and all you have to do is the link is in the show notes or go to sayhi .chat slash to your headspace and record your moment.
Nice. Okay. So let's, let's move into the space of answering some questions from our listeners.
Are we going to do that?
Are you ready, Kisanga?
Anga? Sounds like a plan.
Let's do it. Okay. Today, we got questions about wanting a break from parenting, something that maybe you and I might understand.
You know what I'm saying?
Escaping negative thoughts and how to live in the present, not the past. So, here is our very first question from Brittany.
Hi. My name is Brittany, and I'm from Oklahoma.
Oklahoma and I was wondering, is it normal or how to get to the center of why I want to escape?
I have two kids and a pretty demanding job and sometimes I just wish a car would hit me in the parking lot or something like that so I can be in the hospital so there's no obligation to tell my work that I'm going on vacation or tell anyone why I'm doing anything.
I'm just being taken care of instead of taking care of other people so yeah thank you oh britney i i feel you i i'm sure i speak for most parents out there we feel you you are you are not alone you are not alone britney is in what you call the space of overwhelm yeah yeah and like you said robin we we we've all been there we've all been there you know i was i was curious what she was going when she first mentioned getting hit by the car.
But then I understood.
Yeah, quite quickly.
Yeah, that feeling of being taken care of.
It's a magical feeling.
Right? And she also said in there, I don't want to have to ask for time off from work.
She just wants it to appear.
I remember in the height of COVID, my wife and she said that there was this whole thing going around on this mom board that she checks in on, where they were were all just like hoping for COVID so they could shut the door and be alone.
And no one could like it's there.
There's that taking away of the pressure of having to ask for the time that you need.
So it's like if we have COVID or if you're in the hospital, there's nothing that anybody can say.
You just get what you need and the door is closed.
And because I think it's hard, right?
It's hard for some people to ask for what they need.
Yeah. No, no, it is.
It is. And I think That's why it's so important to really pay attention to what you're experiencing each moment, right?
So the question is, how do I know when I'm in this space of overwhelm before I even get to this threshold point, right?
One clue might be the desire to get hit by a car.
That would be just a little bit of a clue.
So I don't know. A few tips come to mind when dealing with this idea of overwhelm.
So the first one is something that I think is so important and that's just simply checking in with yourself periodically during the day.
like literally pausing and stopping and saying, okay, how am I feeling right now?
Physically, what sensations are going through my body?
What am I thinking?
Just really just stop.
It doesn't have to be anything long.
It doesn't have to be a 10 minute thing, literally one to three minutes.
And you don't have to be in a space of feeling stressed either.
Even if you're feeling perfectly okay.
Maybe, you know, you're in the middle of doing your work or about to feed the toddler, whatever it is you're doing, just pausing.
Okay. How am I, how am I feeling right now?
Yeah. Right. That checking in, that pause can allow you to reground yourself, keep you in that space, that mindful space.
Yeah. Right. So that's, that's one thing I would highly, highly recommend.
And the practice of that Kisanga, because like, you know, we're both parents, like it all gets away from you.
Like it's just so hectic, it's so chaotic.
So easily. Yeah, so like building in that routine of checking in is important.
Exactly. I love that you said that, that routine.
So making it a routine, just like everything else is a routine.
Make that part of the routine also.
Also this idea of taking breaks.
I'm talking about real breaks, like the big breaks, a .k .a.
vacations. You know, if you if you are in the space, if you're able to take a vacation, fit those into your into your calendar.
You know, those are so important.
I don't know if there's anything more magical than laying on a beach. For me, for me, it's the beach. You know, people might have different other favorites.
For me, it's the beach. Yeah.
Yeah. Just literally laying on the beach and just doing absolutely nothing.
Yeah. And so, yeah, taking taking that break.
And doesn't have to be a big break.
OK, so let's take a small break during the day going out for a nice walk.
Yep. When you get home from from work, you know, I heard Brittany say she has a busy day at work taking a warm bath, you know, you know, if she's able to.
But, yeah, just taking those breaks, big or small.
and of course the the last thing i would say just circling it right back to the practice i'm curious what britney's practice looks like yeah remembering that that consistent meditation practice it goes a long way just in regards to stress resiliency yeah and also being able to to organically recognize when it's necessary to take that break or to check in with yourself, right?
Yeah, that consistent practice is always key.
Yeah. And that's all wonderful.
That is all wonderful.
I would add in, because I think one part of Brittany's question was, how do I get to the center of it, of what is going on?
And I think to a certain extent, it's obvious that it's like you're a parent and it's a really difficult job.
And I don't know that anyone really tells you, or if you can ever fully be prepared for how difficult parenting can So I would I would I'm always for journaling or for talking to a therapist or, you know, talking to other moms like safe spaces where you can because I think especially for moms, there can be this pressure of perfection.
affection and so finding a safe space where you can vent and talk about you know like I had a difficult time with my son today um you know and I sometimes need to talk about that like having a space to say those things without judgment is important and and if you don't have a a community built up in that way journaling is a great place to start and then I would tell you to look for for that community.
Ditto to all of that, Robin.
I totally agree. I think moms are special because they have a different stance when it comes to parenting.
And on top of that, coupled with Brittany saying that she has a demanding job.
That's a lot. It's a lot.
It is. It's a lot. So there's one point in Brittany's question.
She's talking about whether she can or can't do these things, like asking for time off from work, like she just wants it to happen to her.
What are your thoughts on that?
What I'm hearing from Brittany is that she has this desire to be taken care of and having this desire to be pulled out of this overwhelming situation because she may or may not feel like she can deal with it.
But what I would say to you, Brittany, is to really bring your full attention to the notion and to the reality that you are dealing dealing with it in this moment right now.
Yeah. You are taking care of things.
You are taking care of your children.
You are handling your demanding job.
So giving yourself a pat on the back for that also.
Yeah, for sure. And, and also moving into the space of your self -care and wellbeing.
So if you need to demand that time off from work to take that break, break, allowing yourself to do that.
Yeah. You know, having the fortitude to be able to do that.
Yeah. And that you, it's okay for you to ask for what you need.
Absolutely. I think sometimes as parents, we are so used to putting the kids' needs in front of our own that we forget that we're the foundation of the house.
And if we're not taking care of ourselves, everything cracks.
Absolutely. Yeah. And sometimes that can be hard to hear or hard to embrace, race, but it's so real, Robin.
I love that you said that.
You have to take care of yourself.
We are with you, Brittany.
We're sending love and support.
And good luck. Let us know everything's okay.
Yeah, touch back with us, always.
All right, well, let's head into our next question.
Here we go. Okay. Dear Headspace, my name is Sven, and I am from the Netherlands.
I've been struggling with worrying and stressful thoughts lately.
For example, I'm 20 years old, and money can be an issue for me sometimes.
It stresses me out.
I also live with my parents still and I don't have a good relationship with them.
It also stresses me out.
I try to let these thoughts go when they arise and I try to focus on what is going well in my life.
But then it feels like I'm closing my eyes for the problem and I'm running away from it.
While in the back of my head, I know very well that these negative emotions are still present.
Maybe I'm approaching this the wrong way i was hoping you guys could help me and hopefully also others thank you very much much love and that's so sweet how he wanted to just not just help himself but help others what a lovely way to ask that question yeah no thank you for your questions fan we've all been there or we're all going to be there at some point 20 years old it can be a magical time and it can also be a scary time yeah and a stressful time and it sounds like that's where you know that's where you're, that's what you're struggling with.
So I would just first say, um, you're not alone.
We all go through these, you know, 20 year old predicaments of being broke, dealing with parents and their own issues, you know, so be gentle with yourself.
Totally be gentle, be patient with yourself, be patient with the journey and just, just being aware of when you're in that space of judging.
Um, so with that being said, this idea of, um, I heard you say that you worry, that you're in a space of worry and stressful thoughts.
Whenever I hear that, the idea of storytelling comes to mind.
So I'm just really very curious, Sven, as to what stories you're telling yourself.
What stories are you telling yourself about how you're supposed to to be or what position you're supposed to be in at 20 years old.
And if that doesn't match up, then you're in that space of reacting and judging and worry and stress.
So oftentimes we behave and we act based on what we think or how we think things are supposed to be versus how they actually are.
So that kind of speaks to this idea of acceptance also.
Also, you know, are you allowing yourself to accept, you know, that you're 20 years old and there's going to be some money issues, which is perfectly OK.
It's perfectly normal.
And you're having some issues with your parents, it sounds like.
So, yeah, just just being aware of that resistance of not accepting doesn't mean you have to like it.
Yeah. But are you accepting it?
What kind of stories are you telling yourself?
self, Sven. That's so interesting.
I'm just so fascinated by that, by the idea of like accepting.
But what comes in for me, and I'm interested to hear what you say about this, is like, I mean, I'm a bit of a runner, right?
When I don't like things, like I'm like, I got to get out of the situation.
You know, so I'm feeling like I want him to accept it.
But at the same time, but get out of that house.
But I know that that's coming from my own anxiety personally.
So it's It's like, how do I find that line of accepting where I am right now, but having this idea that I want to move over to this other place that I think might actually be a little like I might be a little more happy than where I am right now?
How does that line up with acceptance?
Yeah. So remembering acceptance is not the be all end all.
Acceptance is almost like the first step.
Right. So once you're in that space of acceptance, that allows you to see things in a more with more clarity versus being in the space of non accepting.
Now you're in a space of worry.
And if you're in that space of worry and stressful thoughts, then you're not going to be able to see that path that will allow you to move into that space that you desire.
ire. Yeah. Because everything is, it's foggy.
Everything is, is kind of foggy with that worry.
Yeah. And there's nothing ever constructive with worry.
Yeah. You know, you will never hear someone say, oh, you're having a certain issue.
You know what? We should go home and worry about that.
Nobody's going to, nobody's going to ever say that.
It's going to really really move you through this.
Just go, spend some time worrying.
It's going to be great.
Exactly. I remember a teacher once said, worry is a meditation on shit.
And I was like, you know what?
Yes, that's so accurate.
You know what I did hear?
What I did hear Sven say is that he tries to focus on the things that are going well.
Now you're dealing in some solution solution focus space now.
Right. So the worry is there.
Right. The stressful thoughts are there.
But at the same time, he's, you know, so he's kind of moving into a space of gratitude.
You know, let me let me focus on what is going well right now.
So I would lean on that more.
Right. I would lean on more and more into that space, knowing that this this dichotomy can exist. I think sometimes the fuel between those two varying different things can propel you forward. Yeah, yeah.
So keeping in mind, there's nothing wrong.
Just in the space of non -judging, there's nothing wrong with worrying.
There's nothing wrong with having stressful thoughts.
We're going to all be in that space at some point.
Yeah. Yeah. The idea is to be aware of it.
Like, OK, now, as Sven does, let me focus on what what is going well right now.
Yeah. You know, maybe even jotting those things down.
You know, you spoke before about like a gratitude journal or journaling.
Yeah. You know, that could be something that that would be helpful.
That's interesting.
You know, it's so funny because like last week we're getting ready for an international trip.
And I just had this little like God moment where I was like, I better just triple check all the passports.
And like, sure enough, my son's passport's expiring before that six month window.
And, you know, some countries won't let you in if.
And I was like, oh, and I had a, I had it outburst. It wasn't my proudest moment, but then I was like, all right.
So I can either, like you're saying, accept that this has happened and, or I can completely just sit here and panic myself.
And for the first time ever in a very long time, I was able to be like, I'm not doing that.
I'm not choosing that.
And I chose to just calm myself down and just go about.
And in that space, I was able to research some more things.
I was able to. And then I was able to just go about my week and a half and I didn't lose it to panic.
For sure. No, no. And that kind of speaks to the idea of just being present and sitting with whatever discomfort it is that you're experiencing.
And I do also want to mention that, you know, just because you acknowledge how you're feeling and then you skillfully respond to it, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to magically be all better.
Yeah. Right. So really paying attention to that expectation also.
Yeah. And remember, just like we said to Brittany, it's all just a phase that applies to us, too.
And your 20s, they certainly can be very angsty.
I mean, Lord, I remember some angst during that time, but it's they'll end up also being some pretty amazing years as well.
For sure. For sure.
So, Sven, thank you for your question.
That was absolutely wonderful.
And good luck. It's going to get better.
We're with you. This too shall pass.
Okay. Let's head right into our next question with Valerie.
Hello, dear Headspace.
My name is Valerie and I am from Slovenia.
I tend to have trouble living in the present moment.
I get quite anxious about the past and always think about past experiences.
It's like I'm living in the past. What can I do to focus more on the now and on every new day that is coming for me?
Thank you so much. Oh, such a great question, Valerie.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
Yeah. And once again, it's something that we can all relate to.
Yes, this has been a very relatable episode.
Yeah, you're speaking to Mr. Nostalgia over here.
I am so nostalgic. So, you know, thinking about the past and reveling in it.
I actually, you know, real talk, I actually allow myself space to just sit and reflect, mindfully reflect on certain events or a certain time period in my life.
What does that look like?
What does that look like for you?
Like so, for instance, the other this was a couple of actually a few weeks ago.
I need to make a decision about something.
And so I remember like when I was graduating from grad school, I was in that space where it was like I was at a crossroads.
I can either go left or right.
And so I just sat and I remember I did some contemplating during that time.
So I just sat and I said, you know, let me give myself a few moments to just sit and think about, you know, how it was at that time, what I was feeling at that time, you know, and how I can relate that to what I'm dealing with now.
You know, so, yeah, so I just allowed myself that time to just sit and mindfully reflect.
And it sounds like, you know, for Valerie, that, you know, she has a lot of thoughts and experiences that she is replaying in her mind.
You know, so I would encourage you, I would invite you not to judge yourself or think that something is wrong with you, Valerie.
Yeah. You know, so that's the first thing.
Um, and also keeping in mind that, you know, the mind is a, is an interesting animal, you know, it's going to do what it wants to do sometimes.
Um, if I tell you, if I tell you not to think of an apple, what's the first thing I know?
Right. Right. If I tell myself to go to sleep, like last night, boy, how'd that, how'd that go?
Not so well. Exactly.
Exactly. And so sometimes you have to just allow yourself to not try to control the mind and literally just be aware of what's what's flowing through it.
you know, okay, right now I'm noticing that this thought or this particular feeling, whatever it is that's happening is flowing through my mind.
And that awareness in and of itself can prevent yourself from going down that rabbit hole where those thoughts really just kind of to take over.
Yeah. Yeah. Versus, you know, fighting or, or, or resisting those thoughts.
Oh, I'm thinking about this again.
Oh no, let me bring myself back into the moment.
I'm, you know, and, and just, just going back and forth like a tug of war almost, you know, that, that tug of war is what's creating the, uh, what can be creating the, the, the stress and the angst that you're experiencing, Valerie.
It's almost like you're talking about being intentional about not trying to do too much with it.
Exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying.
Which feels like an oxymoron, but it's not.
Yeah, it is paradoxical, but it's really not.
I think you'll notice oftentimes when we allow ourselves with mindful awareness to sit with whatever is present, whether it's a strong emotion, whether it's a physical discomfort, Or in this case, whether it's just very like running thoughts, as Valerie is expressing, that mindful awareness in and of itself can prevent it from escalating.
Interesting. I would see how that feels for you, Valerie.
And something that I heard you say is that you get anxious when you do think of the past. past, so that can be a prompt, if you will, or a sign, right?
So, recognizing that also, when you notice that anxiety creeping up, like for myself, it doesn't create anxiety for me to think of the past. Yeah, yeah.
And in fact, I can, you know, if I allow it, the past will take me away.
Yeah, you're watching a fun movie.
Right, exactly, but for you, Valerie, it sounds like it sounds like when you think of the past, some anxiety comes about.
So that could be a sign, boom, okay, wow, I'm feeling that anxiety.
Let me pause for a moment.
Let me stop right here, right now.
Yeah. I can't help but wonder, should there be some exploration of what's going on, whether it be with a therapist or with a friend or with a journal, to figure out maybe what's happening in real time right now that you either want to get away from or what's happening in the past that is still with you.
I wholeheartedly agree.
And I think that's, you know, noticing what it is, what thoughts from the past are pulling at our attention so strongly can be beneficial to process.
And you're right, that's where therapy can play a huge role here as far us benefiting you know just processing what's what's what's going on yeah with valerie because valerie or not whether it's anyone else i just think sometimes like trauma stays with us and i sometimes feel like when there is deep trauma like all these tools of meditation stuff they're helpful but i don't want to say that they're a band -aid but they're they could be on top of trauma that's underneath that still needs to be healed so when i was when i was doing therapy it It was my therapeutic approach was based in mindfulness
and mindfulness being, you know, focusing on what's present, what's here right now and that mindful reflecting piece.
Right. So with almost all of my clients, I would have a moment where we would sit and mindfully reflect together.
Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's so necessary, especially in a situation like this where she's so clear that she's living in the past. Yeah.
And it's creating anxiety.
Okay, so you're living in the past, I hear you say you're living in the past and that it's creating anxiety.
All right, let's sit for a moment and let's mindfully process what are those thoughts that are coming up for you from the past?
What are those experiences?
Like you said, like obviously we don't know but it might be something dealing with a traumatic event.
Yeah. Right, it might be something that happened in her childhood or happened during when she was a teen, right?
So we, we, we, we don't know, but, um, but it's something, you know, so, so it, it, that mindful reflection, um, is something that, that I would definitely do if, if I had, if I had Valerie as my client.
So, so yeah, I, Valerie, if it's, if it's possible, allowing yourself to maybe seek out, um, some, some therapy to, to, um, just to help you process what, what, what's going on here.
Yeah. Yeah. That's just all just Just fantastic advice.
And Valerie, we, you know, we hope that, we hope that you're able to take that in and, and use it in whatever way feels best for you.
So Valerie, no, thank you so much for that question.
Again, we all can relate to it.
And, and, and just before we head off, just, just a reminder that those moments of intentional mindful reflection, will you just give yourself permission?
You know, right now, I am going to allow myself to just sit with these thoughts, mindfully reflect, and just notice, noticing what comes up, whether it's regret, whether it's nostalgia, you know, whatever comes up from the past. Giving yourself that permission to observe what presents itself without judgment, it goes a long way.
Right now, of course, but the end and allowing yourself that time.
And once that time comes to an end, then allowing yourself to move on.
So I usually give myself just, you know, just for the sake of full transparency, I give myself 10 minutes.
10 minutes is for me that that's what tends to do well for me.
me. Anything over 10 minutes and I'm diving down that rabbit hole, right?
10 minutes is that sweet spot for me.
But once that those 10 minutes pass, once it comes and goes, then I intentionally, okay, let me come back to the present moment and continue on.
So yeah, just giving yourself that space and that grace can be everything, Valerie.
Well, those were just some absolutely terrific questions.
They really were. They really were.
They were so relatable, as always.
And that's what I really love about these questions that we receive.
They're so relatable, something that everyone experiences in life at some point or the other.
Just based on what we're talking about today, the Headspace app has excellent meditations.
Two that really popped up for me during today's conversation was one meditation called finding calm that i think would be really helpful and then we have the managing anxiety course which i think would be also very powerful yeah no those sound wonderful and i do have to say thank you to our callers today britney sven valerie and a special shout out to leron for that sending us that mindful moment those were all that just set set the episode up perfectly, don't you think, Kisunga?
Absolutely. Absolutely.
And if you are listening right now and you are dying to ask us a question, all you have to do is head to sayhi .chat slash Dear Headspace, record your question, and it comes right to us.
It's perfect. The link is in the show notes as well.
And if we use your question on the show, you're going to get three months of Headspace for free.
And as you know, each week, what we like to do is we like like to leave you with the opportunity to just pause and reflect on what you just heard here today.
And this time is set just for you to transition from this moment to the very next moment in your day.
So today, as you listen to the ocean at dusk, let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
Until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and be kind to each other and to yourself.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast. It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones, and Scott Sorenson.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sarah Cohen, Baron Farmar, and Danny Karistamy.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Kaysonga Giscombe, Dora Kamau, Samantha Snowden, and Eve Lewis Prieto.
Sound recording and post -production is by Dan Kroll.
Music is by Scott Sorenson and Chris Merguia.
And a very special thanks to Colleen Lutz.
