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[Mastering the Art of Feedback: A Cognitive Scientist's Guide to Better Conversations]-[How to Give Feedback Without Triggering Defensiveness — Backed by Science]

Negotiate Anything · B2 · 2025-06-07

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📋 Summary

Transforming Workplace Feedback: Insights from Therese Huston

In this episode of Negotiate Anything, host Kwame Christian interviews cognitive scientist Therese Huston, author of Let's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower. The discussion centers on why professional feedback is frequently mishandled and provides actionable strategies to transform these interactions into productive, growth-oriented conversations.

The Common Pitfalls of Feedback

Huston identifies three primary mistakes that managers consistently make, noting that even highly educated professionals often lack formal training in delivering feedback:

  1. Avoidance: A staggering 21% of managers admit to skipping uncomfortable feedback entirely. This "disaster" leaves teams stagnant, as employees are robbed of the opportunity to grow. Huston suggests that managers often fear crushing morale or the potential for a negative reaction, but she notes that most employees are actually passive and looking for guidance when receiving feedback.
  2. Failing to State Positive Intentions: Research shows that when people receive critical feedback, they often assume the messenger has "malevolent intentions." Huston calls stating your good intentions out loud a "Jedi maneuver." By explicitly saying, "I want you to succeed," you can prevent the recipient from assuming you are acting out of power or spite.
  3. Leading with Talking instead of Listening: Many managers rely on the "Situation-Behavior-Impact" (SBI) model, which can cause the recipient to become defensive. Huston argues that "feedback is about empathy, not just honesty." By asking, "How do you see it?" or "What did you think?" first, managers empower the employee, leading to a much more receptive environment.

Cultivating a Growth Mindset

Huston highlights the work of developmental psychologist Carol Dweck to explain how our mindset dictates our feedback habits. A "fixed mindset" views traits as stable, whereas a "growth mindset" assumes people are constantly evolving. Studies from the University of Texas at Austin suggest that managers who adopt a growth mindset regarding their employees are 63% more likely to provide feedback. This becomes a "self-fulfilling prophecy": if you believe someone can change, you are more likely to provide the guidance necessary to facilitate that change.

How to Solicit Feedback from Your Manager

If you find yourself in an environment where feedback is scarce, Huston suggests three levels of proactive solicitation:

  • Make it Easy: Create a list of three or four areas you are working on and ask your manager, "Which of these would you prioritize?" This provides a clear roadmap for your development.
  • The "High Performance" Query: If your company uses a rating system, ask, "What is a 5 doing differently than a 4?" This shifts the conversation toward high-level performance rather than mere compliance.
  • The Aggressive Approach: For those seeking promotions, ask directly: "What do you need to see from me to put my name up for promotion?" Then, follow up monthly to track your progress.

Conclusion

Ultimately, feedback should be viewed as "navigating" rather than "giving." By moving away from rigid models and embracing empathy, listening, and clear communication of intentions, professionals can turn potentially high-conflict situations into collaborative journeys. As Huston concludes, the goal is to make "no surprises" the standard, ensuring that performance discussions are continuous and supportive rather than shocking events at the end of the year.

🎯Key Sentences

1
I try to help smart people be smarter at work.
2
It's that simple.
3
I'm with you.
4
Share stories, tell us about it.
5
They avoid the conversations altogether.
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📝Key Phrases

1
stay the course
2
off the mark
3
write it off
4
in the face of
5
shoot the messenger
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📖 Transcript

AI moves fast, and the path forward isn't always clear.
Cisco gives you the infrastructure, security, and insights to stay the course.
Cisco, making AI work for you.
Visit Cisco .com slash AI.
Hey I'm Kwame Christian and you are about to step into the world of Negotiate Anything.
The number one negotiation podcast in the world where we teach you how to make difficult conversations easier while getting more of what you want in the process.

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