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Is You've Got Mail secretly a movie about a creepy gaslighting stalker?
We can't answer the first two questions, but we have opinions about the third.
We on, Hot and Bothered, are revisiting romance movies of the past and asking what were these movies teaching us?
What did we not even realize they were teaching us?
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Loving love stories and also just a little bit concerned.
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Hi, everyone.
Welcome back to Podcast and Chill.
I'm Leo.
And I'm Gwen.
It's great to have you with us again.
How have you all been?
I hope you're taking care of yourselves.
Speaking of that, Leo, you sound a bit tired today.
Everything okay?
Is it that obvious?
Yeah, I've been staying up way too late these days.
I get home very tired, but then I'm still doing laundry at 11pm because this voice in my head says I need to be getting things done.
Then it hits me that I haven't replied to those work emails.
So I check my phone to just take a quick look.
Next thing I know it's 2am.
I'm wide awake scrolling on my phone telling myself, 5 more minutes then I'll sleep.
Oh, Leo, I understand.
We become so busy taking care of everything else.
Our jobs, responsibilities, other people's needs.
So busy that we completely forget about the one person who needs our care the most.
Ourselves.
Yeah, I have a feeling so many of us are stuck in this circle, making sure everyone else is okay.
But when someone asks, how are you really?
We don't even know how to answer.
That makes me wonder, how do you love yourself?
I don't mean just the Instagram kind of self-care, but the real everyday kind.
And when you're out of energy, do you know how to be gentle with yourself?
Do you know what your heart is asking for?
Because I think, I've been treating myself like I'm bottom of the list.
Everyone and everything else always comes first.
So here's what I want everyone to hear.
Whether you're a man or a woman, you deserve to be loved, especially by yourself.
Caring for yourself doesn't mean you're selfish.
Taking a break isn't a sign of weakness.
Loving yourself is so much more than bubble baths and face masks.
It goes much, much deeper than that.
Sometimes I worry I've forgotten what that even looks like, how to truly care for myself.
I think that's why it's so important we talk about this.
Because when you truly take care of yourself, it's incredible how it makes everything different your health, your relationships, even the way you show up in the world.
Really?
How so?
Well, when I get enough sleep, eat healthy, and allow myself real rest, I notice my body feels stronger, I get sick less, I have more energy, even my skin looks better.
I never thought about it that way before.
It helps my relationships too.
When I feel happy, I have more patience and can give time to the people I love.
That makes sense.
For me, if I actually sleep well, I'm way more fun to be around.
Exactly.
Instead of snapping at people or shutting down, you can respond with calm and kindness.
You can actually enjoy connecting with people, not just try to survive them.
It's like when your phone is fully charged, everything just runs smoother.
Right.
But here's what happens when we keep ignoring what we need.
We fall into this terrible cycle.
You get very tired, then blame yourself for it.
Then you make mistakes and feel more upset.
You try more, but it doesn't help.
You're left thinking, why can't I keep it together?
I feel that, but I think some people might be confused about what self-care actually means.
Because sometimes my version of self-care is online shopping for things that I don't need or watching shows until 3 am.
That's such an important point, Leo.
There's a huge difference between truly caring for yourself and just escaping or avoiding.
Real self-love isn't about giving up on responsibility.
It's about pausing to ask, what will my future self thank me for doing today?
Sometimes the kindest choices rest.
Other times, it's doing the difficult thing like going to bed early or having a tough talk.
So it's not just whatever feels good in the moment.
True, self-care might mean saying no to plans when you're tired, but it's also about saying yes to something better and keeping the promises you make to yourself.
It's deciding.
I love myself enough to choose what's truly best for me, not just what's easiest like.
I respect myself enough to cook a healthy meals even when i'm tired, because i know i'll feel so much better afterward, or setting limits at work even when it's uncomfortable because you refuse to let work burn you out.
Real self-care is investing in your peace, your health and for a long-term happiness, not just short-term comfort.
It's like stepping into the role of your own best friend, someone who cheers for your joy but also encourages your growth and wants you to be proud of the person you are.
But then the question becomes, how do we do that?
How do we love ourselves in the right way?
Yeah, I think a lot of us know we should, but we don't always know where to start.
For me, it starts with something simple.
Listen to my body.
When I feel that tiredness creeping in, instead of pushing through and telling myself just one more hour, I actually stop.
Even if my to-do list isn't finished, I let myself rest for five or 10 minutes.
It gives my mind and body a chance to recover.
That's hard for me.
I always feel guilty when I stop before everything's done.
I used to feel that way too.
But you don't have to run at full speed every single day.
Slowing down is how you go further.
Like a marathon, not a sprint?
Uh-huh.
And it's not just rest.
It's also giving your body good fuel choosing fresh food over fast food when you can, and adding fruits and vegetables, drinking enough water so your body actually has what it needs.
To work Man, I'm terrible at that.
I'll work through lunch and then wonder why I feel awful at 3pm.
I get it, but even small changes help.
Movement does too.
Don't force yourself into hard workouts you hate.
Choose movement that feels good.
A walk outside, some gentle stretching when you wake up, a bit of yoga.
The goal isn't to punish your body into shape.
It's to move in a way that makes you feel alive and strong.
And sleep.
I know I need to work on that.
Try going to bed at the same time every night.
Put your phone away 30 minutes before sleep.
Your brain needs to slow down.
The phone thing is so hard, though.
Just five more minutes turns into two hours lost.
I know it is.
But when you started putting sleep first, everything else got easier.
Your mood and even how you handle stress.
What about taking care of my mind, like when everything feels too heavy inside my head?
That's just as important as physical care.
For the mind, maybe try just five minutes of quiet meditation in the morning.
Or journaling.
Writing all those thoughts out of your head can be a huge relief.
I feel like I just need to talk it out.
But I hate feeling like I'm throwing my problems on someone.
Having someone you trust to talk to isn't a burden, Leo.
It's being human.
We're not meant to carry everything alone.
I guess it has something to do with how I talk to myself when no one else is around.
Oh, right.
The voice in your head.
It can be your biggest supporter or your worst bully.
Mine is definitely more of a bully.
I make one mistake, I immediately think, you're such an idiot, or can't you do anything right?
Leo, you are too hard on yourself.
What if, in that moment, you said, I made a mistake, and that's okay.
I'm still learning, or I'm doing my best with what I have right now.
That feels almost too kind.
Like, I don't deserve that gentleness.
But think about it.
If your best friend came to you upset about a mistake, would you ever call them stupid?
Or would you remind them that everyone makes mistakes?
I'd definitely be kind to them.
So, why not give yourself that same kindness?
You deserve to hear gentle, caring words too.
Maybe I should try giving myself credit when I do things well, even the smallest.
Yes.
Cheers to the tiny wins.
After you finish a task, if it's just washing the dishes, you can say good job, I took care of that.
And at the end of each day, write down three things you did well. three things every day.
That seems like a lot.
They don't need to be big.
It could be, I drank enough water today, I was kind to a co-worker, or I called my mom back.
The point is training your brain to notice your efforts, not just your failures.
Speaking of things that make me feel good, I miss doing things I actually enjoy.
When did hobbies become a waste of time?
When was the last time you did something for the joy of it?
Not because it was useful, but because it made your heart feel lighter?
I used to love playing guitar, but now I just see it sitting there and think I should be doing something more important.
Leo, the time you use for things you love, like reading, painting guitar or gardening, is not wasted time.
Those are the moments when your soul can breathe.
That's actually really wise.
What if you scheduled it?
Like, Sunday afternoons are for guitar.
That time is yours.
Work and chores can wait.
You mean making it official?
Yeah.
If you don't protect it, everything else will.
When you finally make time for what brings you joy, for being yourself, your heart will remember what it feels like to truly smile from the inside.
And now I want to ask everyone listening, what's one small thing you do that makes you feel loved by yourself?
Maybe it's making your favorite tea, or singing in the car, or taking a long shower.
Yeah, share it with us, because maybe your little act of self-love might inspire someone else to find theirs.
It's amazing that sharing our journey can light the way for others.
It really shows how much our environment and the people around us can shape our habits for better or worse.
Actually, it got me thinking about the people I spend time with.
There's a problem with it, right?
Yeah.
It's just, I have this one friend.
Every time we hang out, I come home feeling tired.
He always complains and only sees the bad in things.
I started to see the world like he does.
Oh, Leo.
Some people's energy is just heavy.
It can weigh you down, even when they don't mean to.
I know about that, but I feel so guilty even thinking that, because we've been friends for so long.
Here's the thing.
Their bad thoughts are real for them, but not for you.
Those thoughts belong to them.
You don't need to carry them. so it's okay to protect myself from that.
Absolutely.
Saying no when you need to is about respecting yourself, not being selfish.
You still can love someone from a distance if being close to them hurts your peace.
I really needed to hear that.
It makes the guilt feel a little lighter, but it's still hard to act on.
Even saying no sometimes feels scary.
But every time you say no to something that drains you, you're saying yes to your own well-being.
What about online?
I catch myself scrolling through bad news and then I feel uneasy the whole day.
I know that feeling.
We must be careful with bad things we see.
Too much bad news or fighting online can stay with you all day.
I had to unfollow accounts that made me feel angry or hopeless.
Now I follow people who share things that lift me up.
Like.
There's this baker I follow who creates these cute cakes while talking about learning to accept herself.
It's wonderful.
I always like musicians.
I love seeing artists share their creative process.
Watching someone like Bruno Mars create music with pure joy.
It reminds me why creativity matters.
Really?
That's so cool.
For me, it's Taylor Swift.
It's more than the music.
It's her stories, her honesty, and her resilience.
Seeing how she handles her career pushes me to be better.
Wow, now that I realize that who we watch and what we listen to really changes how we feel.
Yeah.
It's not just about avoiding the bad stuff.
It's about choosing what inspires you.
And it's not only people.
Your space matters too.
A clean desk or bedroom makes your head feel lighter.
Ah, that explains a lot.
When my room is messy, my mind feels messy too.
It seems small, but it feels like you're doing a kindness for your future self.
Setting them up for a good day instead of handing them a mess to clean up.
Do you what is funny?
When I'm feeling good about myself, I want to make other people feel good too.
Like I'll text a friend just to tell them I'm thinking of them.
That's beautiful.
Sharing a bit of kindness, passing on something that made you smile.
It goes from one person to another.
You're not only making someone's day better, you're also keeping that good feeling in yourself.
So, for all of you still here with us, take a look around and ask yourself gently Is this helping me or hurting me?
Because your peace is special.
Choose to spend it on what makes you feel calm and respected.
Hearing you say that, it clicks for me.
Protecting our peace is also about saying a brave yes to the new things that light us up.
That's such a nice way to see it.
Can you tell me more?
Well, it's like, our comfort zone is cozy, but it can also feel a bit boring after some time.
I think an important part of self-love is believing we deserve new experiences.
Yes.
It can be a tiny, curious step.
Like finally signing up for that art class.
You've always scrolled past online or trying a new restaurant, taking a different road on your morning walk.
When you try something new, you meet a different side of yourself.
Maybe you find a hidden skill, or just remember how fun it feels to start fresh.
That good feeling gives you energy.
So try one new thing you might enjoy this week.
It's a gift for your future self.
And I want to say this directly to our friends who are listening right now.
If you're thinking, but where do I even begin?
That's okay.
And that gentle gift I mentioned?
It can be exactly that.
Something that small.
Maybe tomorrow you drink one extra glass of water.
I know change is hard.
I still struggle to go to bed early because my body is used to running on 2am.
But those tiny wins, they add up.
Those small choices are the opposite of what we're often sold.
The idea that self-love is something you buy.
Like, if I had the money for spa days and vacations, then I could really care for myself.
What do you think?
Is money the real key to self-love?
I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts on this.
There's no right or wrong answer here.
It's just your own opinion.
Because what does truly loving yourself actually look like in your everyday life?
Maybe it's different for everyone.
And maybe that's the most beautiful part.
Thank you for being with us today and for giving yourself this time to think about how you deserve to be loved.
And remember, just by choosing to be here, you've already taken a step.
This is Podcast and Chill.
I'm Gwen.
And I'm Leo.
We'll see you next time.
Until then, be gentle with yourself.
ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.
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I'm Eden Scherer.
And I'm Brock Charlelli.
We played best friends on The Middle.
And became best friends in real life.
We're here to rewatch The Middle with all of you.
Each week, we'll recap an episode with behind-the-scenes stories, guest interviews and what we think now, many years later.
There's a lot to dive into, so let's get to middling.
Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
