This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 44.
How to deal with panic when you speak English.
Welcome to the All Ears English podcast where you'll finally get real native English conversation and fluency for business and life.
We believe in connection, not perfection, when it comes to learning English.
Now here are your hosts Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Boston and New York City, USA.
Hey.
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Hey, Aubrey, what's going on?
Not much.
I have a question for you.
Okay, I had a feeling.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I want to know when is the last time you like panicked like hands, sweaty mouth getting dry and just panicked about something?
Oh my gosh, that's a good question.
I can't really think of any specific moment.
Oh, that's a good thing.
I'm jealous.
I feel like it happens to me on the daily.
Really?
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, I could imagine a hypothetical situation if, like if my dog got out of my control and he ran away.
I would definitely get that way because my dog is fearful.
And I think he would not like we actually picked up a lost dog last week and we found a lost dog.
And we found his owner.
But my dog would just run for the hills and he'd probably get eaten by a coyote or something like.
He's too fearful.
He would not let anyone apprehend him, you know, probably for the best so that he'll stay close.
Yeah.
I remind always my kids is my kids will just like take off, especially when they were littler.
And if you lose a child in a crowd, I can't think of anything that will instill panic faster.
Oh, my gosh.
And so what is that?
Let's talk about panic for a minute, because our listeners are going to this is a human experience.
What does it feel like?
Oh, for sure.
Your mind is racing thinking of all the negative possible outcomes, right?
Your heart is beating so fast.
Definitely like mouth is dry and you just you're having a hard time keeping your thoughts together.
I think your kind of thoughts get jumbled and you have an intense physical reaction as well as a mental reaction.
So to have both of those combined is tough to handle.
Yeah, it's a very biochemical process that happens, right?
You can feel it and, oh, we all know it.
We know it.
And I think a lot of our listeners might be struggling with this happening when they are speaking English.
I know when I was first learning French.
I remember a few times having to speak on the phone and panicking because I couldn't understand them very well.
And I didn't really have the vocabulary that I needed to ask them to repeat or clarify what they were saying.
So I would just sort of panic and hang up.
That's so funny.
That's so funny.
So we definitely need to have the vocabulary.
And today we're going to show you guys, six strategies that are going to help you deal with this moment.
When you feel that panic and maybe we'll skip ahead to that one and then we'll come back to the others is having a list of questions to get repetition.
Because if you had had those Aubrey you could have continued that conversation, but you had to hang up instead.
Yes, exactly.
Right.
You need a list of ways to like, could you say that again?
Or I'm sorry, what was that?
Just a native natural because that definitely happens.
Sometimes the line cuts out or, you know, you miss something.
Even natives are asking someone on the phone especially to repeat.
But even in person, if you don't understand anything, you can ask them to repeat, or if you're not sure you heard correctly, you don't want to panic in a situation like this.
And it makes me think about the IELTS speaking exam, because we're always telling our students that they need native natural phrases for asking for repetition or clarification.
Yes.
Because this is going to happen.
There will be questions on the speaking exam that you're not sure you heard correctly.
There's a word you don't know.
And your score does not go down for asking for that repetition or clarification as long as you have a natural, native way to ask, right?
That's so good.
So if you haven't heard that tip before, that means you're not listening to IELTS Energy, because I feel like we talk about this pretty often.
So make sure you're subscribed to IELTS Energy.
Jessica and I are giving so many good tips about getting the score you need on IELTS, wherever you listen to your podcasts.
I love it.
So good.
So guys, go over, check that out.
That's so good.
So I'm actually surprised that you don't lose points by just asking for repetition.
I feel like a lot of students might not know that if they're not preparing with us, you know, for the IELTS exam.
So that is so good clarification or repetition that their score is automatically going to go down because it shows you're not fluent?
Nope.
As long as you aren't pausing and hesitating and panicking, you're fine.
Your score will be unaffected.
You just have to have a native and natural way to ask for that repetition.
Love it.
That is so good.
So, whether you're in a test or whether you're just on the phone maybe, make sure you have a way, a list of ways to ask for repetition.
Let's go back up to the top.
So the so the second suggestion is what Aubrey, what can we do to calm our physiological reaction?
Breathe, right?
If you focus on your breathing and have measured, controlled breathing, it will calm your heart rate somewhat.
It will calm your mind.
So you know, take five deep breaths, and then you'll be able to think more clearly about what you want to say, about what your next steps are.
Yeah.
And so that's something we can always do.
And you could add to that maybe putting your feet on the floor and feeling your feet, a little bit of mindfulness practice.
And I would also put a plug in here for just a daily meditation practice, right?
I have a meditation practice right now.
It's not daily, but it should be and it needs to be.
Because that way what that does when you have a meditation practice maybe it's 10 minutes a day in the moments when you're not panicked, you actually teach your brain to increase the response between, like the space between stimulus and response.
So you're actually going to panic less in those moments.
Does that make sense?
Yes, for sure.
You're giving your mind space.
You have to train your brain.
Train your brain to relax and not go into panic mode right away.
So we kind of get away from the brainstem, like the archaic brain, like the lizard brain.
Oh, my God, panic, sweat.
That's the old brain before humans evolved.
But we can actually meditate and teach our brain to live at a higher level and relax more in those moments.
I even think about, like you know, when there have been situations where I lose one of my kids for a minute.
And you know a mom looking for a kid.
If she's screaming and panicking, then it's taking more time for people to understand how they can help her right.
And so to be able to be calm and calmly explain to someone what's happened and what you need help with is going to save precious time.
So this is applicable everywhere.
In every situation where you might be panicking, to take those breaths, calm down, right?
But even with language, if you're on a phone call, for example, and you're panicking, you're not going to be able to think of what you want to say next.
You're going to miss what they're saying.
So yeah, just feel your feet on the ground.
Take those breaths and be in the moment.
Yeah, I mean, panic is really just not very productive.
We can't panic while coming up with a way to connect, while coming up with a way to solve the problem that's at hand right.
So yeah.
So this is the key being prepared, having a practice, knowing how your mind is going to react and how to combat that.
Right.
And so we talked about the third thing being asking the person just to wait.
Right.
If you're on the phone, maybe you're talking to a customer service rep.
Just put the phone down.
Count to 20.
Ask them to wait and start again.
And you can do this when you're face to face with someone to just say, hey, I need a minute.
Let me think about this.
Just give me a second.
Right.
Right.
Yes, for sure.
Right.
Or if you're purchasing something in a store.
I could, I can, see a situation where you know if you're kind of panicked, you don't know what to say.
Just let the person behind you go next.
Give yourself a minute to get your thoughts in order.
And yeah, give yourself that time.
That could be a good strategy to just step back.
Why do you have to stay right there and be in the be in the moment, be under pressure, step back, let someone take your place.
Now think through these things before we make decisions.
Right?
Definitely.
Yeah, I love that.
And so this one clarify.
Asking for clarification is very related to asking for repetition, but the difference is pretty key because, just like on the IELTS exam, if you think you didn't hear a question correctly, you're going to ask for repetition.
Like, could you say that again?
Yeah.
But if you know that you don't understand a word, if there's a vocabulary word you don't understand, if you just ask them to repeat it, that doesn't help you understand that vocabulary word.
Instead you need to ask them to repeat, say it a different way say oh, I'm not sure I understand what that means.
Can you clarify please, or or okay, and paraphrase and repeat back to them what you think it meant, to make sure you understand?
Yeah, exactly.
So you're confirming what you think you heard, to make sure, and then you can start to answer and you can keep engaging.
So there's a lot we can do without being, you know, deer in headlights, right?
Do you like that expression, Aubrey?
I mean, have you heard that expression before deer in headlights?
Yes.
Well, and I've seen deer in my headlights and they do make that face.
I've had to swerve to miss deer in the mountains.
And it's just so appropriate for this situation where you feel like a panic feeling of oh, this is going to be bad.
Hey guys, this happened to all of us.
It's happened to me in Japanese and Spanish and French.
It's happened to me in life and other situations, right?
We can empathize.
We've all been through this, you know, so it's a human experience.
All right.
Is there anything else that we can do?
We have a few other tips.
Yeah.
So to ask them to say something, in other words, because even if you just say, can you clarify please, they might not realize that you need them to use different vocabulary.
So the way you can say this is, can you say that in other words?
I'm not sure if I'm understanding.
Yes.
And don't be afraid to like, let's say they use the word assessment.
Okay.
And you're not sure you know exactly what that means.
You have maybe an idea.
You can just say.
You know, I'm not sure what assessment means.
Can you say that another way?
Something like that.
Let them know the word that you are confused about.
Native speakers don't mind.
I've had.
You know, I've done this in the languages I'm learning and I've had people I'm talking to do this and I'm almost flattered.
I'm almost, you know, maybe it's the teacher in me, but I'm happy to help.
And whoever you're talking to is happy to help.
Oh, for sure.
And there are ways guys, we could do another episode Aubrey, which we should, to mask that you completely don't understand the word.
Like, for example, something that native speakers will do is they'll say what do you mean by X Y, Z?
Totally.
And that is a way of you know.
Maybe you don't understand the word, but it also could mean I'm trying to see how you're using that word.
So it's a little less than just saying like, I don't understand literally what that word means.
There's ways you can hide from completely showing you don't know what it means.
That's a really good strategy, especially at work, right?
If you're like in a business meeting, a situation where you don't want people to know that you didn't understand a word for whatever reason, then yeah, that's a great strategy to say what exactly do you mean here by assessment.
I love it.
I love it.
And then there's no substitute for good old-fashioned practice.
Right, Aubrey?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Just put yourself in these situations.
This is our next tip.
You got to put yourself in these situations more often because, as we talked about in another episode earlier, the more mistakes we make, the better we get at being in these situations.
Yes, exactly.
I could think of just recently.
Not that long ago, I was in Mexico and we had lost my son's shoes on the beach.
And so I, you know, I went and I was trying to find them and I was trying to use my Spanish, and everyone kept speaking to me in English, because their English is better than my Spanish, even though we're in Mexico, you know.
But
And so then I finally started asking them, oh, would you mind speaking to me in Spanish?
I really want to learn.
I really want to practice.
And then they were so great about it.
They were so kind.
And it was almost like they were proud of me for trying to learn Spanish and for trying, right?
We know that feeling in English as well.
But sometimes, yeah, if someone's...
If their language is better in a different language, they might have a tendency to respond to that.
You might have to ask them like, oh, I'm trying to learn English.
Can you let me try?
Can you try speaking English to me?
That might happen.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Get into that situation for sure.
Practice, practice.
And then you can also simulate these situations with a teacher.
So maybe your first step is that you go in, you create a role play, or then you extend the role play to be more spontaneous.
That's step one.
And then you got into the real world.
You go to an event in English and you practice it.
Yes.
Oh, I love that.
Right.
Have a chance to practice when it's really low stress.
And then you're going to be confident when you're in a situation that's just a little bit more stressful.
I love it.
So good.
All right.
We have solved the problem of panic.
Guys, don't be a deer con in headlights.
Right.
That's the key today.
All right.
This has been great, Aubrey.
Thanks for hanging out.
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Cool.
Yes.
Awesome.
Thanks, Lindsay.
It's been fun.
Talk soon.
Bye.
Bye.
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