Creating really great retail experiences is tough, especially with multiple stores, teams of staff, fulfillment centers, separate workflows.
Let me tell you something.
It's a lot. But with Shopify Point of Sale, you can do it all without complexity.
Shopify's Point of Sale system is a unified command center for your retail business.
It brings together in -store and online operations, even across a thousand locations.
Imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is just always convenient.
Endless Isle, ship to customer, buy online, pick up in -store, all made simpler so customers can shop how and where they want, and staff have the tools they need to close the sale every time.
And let's face it, acquiring new customers is expensive.
With Shopify POS, you can keep existing shoppers coming back to your stores with consistent, tailored experiences and first -party data that give marketing teams a competitive edge.
In fact, it's proven.
Based on a report from EY, businesses on Shopify POS see real results, like 22 % better total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent to an 8 .9 % uplift in sales on average relative to the market set surveyed.
Want more? Check out at Shopify .com slash Headspace.
That's all lowercase.
And learn how to create the best retail experiences without complexity.
Shopify .com slash Headspace.
You know that feeling when you're at Ross and you find the best gifts for way less?
Like brand name sweaters, the coolest kids toys, and plush dog beds?
Get that feeling with every gift and save 20 % to 60 % off other retailers' prices.
At Ross, yes for less.
Headspace Studios My teacher always said expectation is just premeditated resentment.
So if you have an expectation from your kids or a loved one or your partner, your husband, wife, whatever it may be, and you're not voicing it, you're already setting yourself up to have a resentment later on.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you could lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace.
Headspace. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Dear Headspace, a podcast where each week I sit down with a Headspace meditation teacher and we answer your questions.
I'm Robin Hopkins and I am here with Rosie, one of our newest Headspace meditation teachers.
Yay. Thank you so much for having me again.
This is so much fun.
I'm looking forward to this conversation.
Oh, my God, it is so exciting to have you back.
And it's great timing because today, Rosie, is our first ever Dear Headspace themed show.
We are doing all right.
Say it with me. Home for the holidays, home for the holidays.
This is well, this is going to be a hot.
Like how deep are we going in on our childhoods, Rosie?
That's really the question.
I mean, we can go as deep as you want because I'll tell you right now, this is probably the majority of incidents that have happened in my life that sent me to therapy for many years.
I'll just say that.
Well, I'm going to I'm going to go easy on you for my first question, which is what's your favorite holiday?
You know, honestly, I really love Christmas.
It really it probably is my favorite time.
You know, oftentimes I get to see my family and it's always well, I don't want to say it's always great.
But I have the best memories of Christmas.
You know, I feel like after Thanksgiving is really just all a wind up for the end of year festivities, you know, all of the holidays.
And I love it because there is that like no new projects are happening.
Like nobody's coming to you and being like, let's start this new thing on December 15th.
So I love that things start to wind down and like and then you can kind of just relax a little bit.
There's something about the end of the year that I love that for, you know, like obviously we're saying holidays can be fun, but they can also bring a lot of stress and family drama like any of that sound familiar to you.
Oh, yeah. I remember feeling really confident one year.
I had done, you know, all these courses and trainings and about, you know, family lineage and how to break your ancestral past and all of these things.
And so I show up at this gathering at my aunt's house, which is where typically we would convene.
And, you know, I had every intention of just not engaging in any responses because I can I can be a little bit sharp when I want to be.
And that's part of my practice to be mindful and kind.
It's the holidays. I want to be nice.
But man, I just it took maybe all of five minutes before I just lost it.
This is not going to work.
And I remember there's a quote from God says if you think your spiritual spend, go spend the holidays with your family or go home for the holidays or something like this.
Yeah. And it's absolutely true.
I mean, even now it's been a decade and a half plus later that I've been doing this for a living.
And I I still get highly triggered when I go see my family.
How do we thrive? You don't not just survive the holidays.
I think that the most important thing is to know what your limits are and to know how to establish boundaries.
And at the end of the day, just know how to take care of yourself.
You have to be able to take care of your time, your energy.
And it's important for you to be in a good place to feel confident and to go into a situation feeling good and feeling confident in what you want to achieve with the interactions you're going to have.
Well, no doubt, the holidays can be a mixed bag of emotions.
And we have a bunch of questions talking about just that, Rosie.
And I'm so excited because today we're going to be chatting about the struggle to balance holiday time with family of origin and a partner dealing with negative body image issues at big holiday meals and what to do when adult kids come home for the holidays.
But they act like they're 12.
We have so much to talk about.
So I think we should just get right to our first question.
Here we go. Dear Headspace, my partner and I are spending Christmas at our home away from our families for the first time this year, due to a number of reasons, including plane ticket prices and how stressful it is to travel during the holidays.
He and I both live a long way away from our families, and even they are really spread out.
Holiday planning has taken a lot of diplomacy, and this year it just seems easier to plant ourselves and to rest.
But I'm struggling with this, especially because my family's reaction when I told them, which was not good.
A part of me really wants to be at home with my partner and start to build these happy holiday memories of our own.
Another part of me feels like I'm abandoning my family.
I can't even tell what I want.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Wow, that is such a layered question.
There is so much in there, Rosie.
I can relate to this on so many levels, and I feel for this caller so much.
I remember feeling this way my first holiday away from my family when Tori and I first started dating.
We've been together for maybe two or three years, and I grew up in LA.
All my family's in LA, so I spent every holiday with them, and this was the first holiday that I wasn't going to be with them.
And I remember feeling extremely guilty, and I felt bad, and I can hear the disappointment in my dad's voice and my grandmother.
It was just so heartbreaking to go do it.
But at the same time, it was exciting for me to go spend time with this new family that I was getting to know.
And then I remember the first time Tori and I decided to do the holidays ourselves.
We wanted to be able to establish our own holiday traditions, and this is where I can hear the caller struggling because I can sense, even in his voice, that he does want to create a new memory with his partner.
And I feel for this caller a lot.
What about you? You know, I it's so funny because I feel like I feel the same thing, but I have a little bit of the opposite side because my childhood was what it was.
I didn't really want to go back very often, or when my parents passed, there was no going back.
But I said to my wife when we first got together, I said, I will go with you for Christmas right now.
But when we have kids, I want Christmas in our home because I want.
And so I'm the person who's causing her that pain of separating from her family of origin.
But it felt so important to me to create family memories for my kids.
Yeah. Yeah. But then on the other side of it, now I'm a mom.
And when my kids go off, I think it'll break my heart when they won't want to come home, you know, like, because it's like, oh, they're my people.
For you and your your wife, your partner, how do you compromise that when when she wants to go see her family?
How did that work for you?
What what process did you go through?
Well, we created a whole new thing called Second Christmas.
So Second Christmas became Martin Luther King weekend.
And we so we would have first because it's close, but it's a holiday weekend because they meet the meetup places, Ohio and from New York.
That's a bit of a haul.
But so I think we had to think outside the box.
That's what worked for us.
Yeah, I love that. I think that's so important.
I think that for us, for many years, it's been many holidays between my partner and I.
And we got to a point where we would try and alternate every year or we might do Thanksgiving and Christmas at home or we might go up for Thanksgiving and do Christmas at home.
We would kind of do this switch back and forth.
But I found that obviously in the last couple of years when nobody was traveling, it was kind of nice to be able to just be at home on the pressure off.
Yeah. And honestly, I personally like that.
It's been my favorite and not to offend my family on either side, but for me, I think being able to establish that tradition in my home with my partner with the dogs and our friends.
You know, we have a we would call it the Lonely Hearts Club because we would do Friendsgiving.
We did it a handful of times where we just have people that aren't going home for the holidays, like, for example, the caller that just sent the question in.
And so for Christmas, the last few years, I think since 2019, we've just been doing something really small here at home and it's been really nice.
Well, let me ask you this question, Rosie, because I feel like on the one side you have like what we're saying is you can create your own traditions, whether it be you're with your immediate family.
You can you can think outside the box.
But what is your advice for the caller about his pain?
I mean, he's in pain over this, you know.
So how do you what do you think would help him there?
Yeah, I think it's important to be able to feel the pain or feel the sadness that he might be going through.
Don't try and dismiss it or feel guilty about it.
I think it's important to acknowledge the fact that obviously this caller really loves his family and wants to be able to spend time with them.
But at the same time, it's you know, you you can only do what you can do.
I remember being in that experience, feeling guilty about not being able to see my family when I was living in Portland and I couldn't fly back to L .A., feeling guilty about not being able to spend the holidays with them, feeling guilty about not having the money to go fly to see them, then feeling
bad about myself because I couldn't do it.
You know, it's this slippery slope.
And I think, you know, to really be kind and compassionate with yourself and do what you can to, you know, make the holiday time special for your family.
Maybe send them a cute little care package or hand, you know, my favorite handwritten notes, like send your parents a beautiful handwritten note Christmas holiday or whatever holiday you're celebrating.
I really wish I was there, but instead, you know, I am sending these fresh baked cookies or whatever.
It's honey baked ham.
Yeah, we we actually photoshopped ourselves in the family holiday picture one year, which was hilarious.
And then the following year we sent it as a Christmas card.
And, you know, I think there are ways to involve yourself and have them be involved in what you're doing, too.
For example, like you, I'm talking directly to the caller for the holiday time, maybe have a picture of your family at the dinner table with you.
You know, just just kind of add some element of I'm thinking about you, you know, and you're here with me.
I would also say to to the caller that the mom and me wants to say, you know, be kind to yourself.
And while I would be sad, because I did start off by saying I'd be sad that my kids wouldn't want to be with me, I would also be equally happy that they had found a partner that they loved and that they wanted to create their own traditions.
And I recognize part of my job as a parent is to help you grow up, go out and live a wonderful and beautiful life.
And there was one more portion of the of the call that we haven't addressed yet.
He talks about being so concerned about what everybody else wants, that he doesn't know what he wants.
And I think it's important that we talk about that, Rosie.
Well, is it that he doesn't know how to express or he can't express it or doesn't know what he wants?
You know, I feel like my partner, my wife is like that in that she often worries so much for everyone else that she doesn't that she's not able to often know what the thing is that she wants because she's so busy thinking about what do I want?
What is her sister want?
What you know, what is her family want?
What does her dad want?
And we had this couples therapist who said the most incredible thing she said, if you were picture yourself in a room, put your sister over in that corner, put Robin over in that corner and put everybody away from you.
What do you want to do now?
And she was like, oh, easy.
I want I want this.
If you can take your fears or your worries of everyone out for a second, I think that can be a really helpful tool for trying to figure out how you feel or what you want.
I mean, I love that.
I agree with that 100 percent.
I think it's a great way to take yourself out of the equation and be able to have this peripheral vision about what's happening and it may allow you to make an easier, more clear decision that you'll feel good about.
I think also for me, in the beginning of wanting to impress my in -laws in the beginning of the relationship, after many years of sort of acquiescing to their desires of having us come to Oregon every year, there was a time where I didn't know how to say, I don't want to actually go up there this year.
I want to stay here with my family and I didn't know how to say it without hurting their feelings because I know it would.
And so I think that the way that I was able to navigate that was two and my in -laws are so understanding, you know, but just because you're understanding, it's like what you were saying earlier doesn't mean that they're going to feel good about it.
Just because I can accept something doesn't mean that I'm going to be happy about it.
Right. So I think that that you don't have control over that.
And I think that's the part where we can really practice some letting go because you can't be all things to all people and you can't control how somebody feels.
You know, we wouldn't want somebody to tell us how to feel.
I think that's wonderful advice.
And listen, I am going to say this to you, friend, do something special for your family, like a handwritten card, a note or send some cookies and remember that you cannot be all things to all people.
Enjoy your holidays and let us know how it all shook out.
OK, let's bring in our next question from Emma.
Here we go. Hi, I'm Emma from Brooklyn, and I would like to know how I can this holiday season be the change I want to see around modeling positive body image and a good attitude with food because I'm going to be around lots of people in my life and we're going to be eating.
And inevitably, there's going to be the older women in my life who are of a generation where it was, I guess, very fashionable to endlessly talk about how much they hate themselves every time they eat something tasty.
And I don't want to hear it.
I'm triggered by it.
I don't want to be part of it.
And also, now that my friends have children, I don't want them seeing that I don't want to be part of that.
So what can I do to model a positive attitude around food, whether I actually have one or not?
And how can I gently shut down the elders when they proceed to do that incredibly toxic behavior of perpetuating super negative body image while we're just trying to eat a good meal?
What are your thoughts?
Like, OK, where do I even start?
I grew up in a big Mexican American family.
And, you know, part of Hispanic culture is about they feed you, man.
They want you to get full.
This is the love language of many Hispanic families.
But the thing that sucks about this is that they're also the most catty and they'll be the first people to be like, oh, you're getting a little Gordita, you know, like you're getting a little chubby.
And it's like to be a little bit overweight is not necessarily frowned upon.
You know, it's not like a thing that a lot of people sort of, you know, berate you for.
But in my family culture, but what I did notice is that there were those ants that would constantly talk about, yes, like right after they would eat, they would be like, I'm not going to eat now for a week or I feel so fat or whatever.
So just to rewind a little bit for me, the body image issue has been something that I've had to work on constantly, you know, growing up in a family that was really into eating a lot.
I never really thought about it.
When I was a teenager, I was suffering from debilitating panic attacks.
So I was on medication that made me really overweight.
And, you know, it took a long time for me to sort of find a balance.
And when I started to really be more mindful about my food and learn about nutrition, and this was during my healing journey, I would say, I learned a lot about these unhealthy habits and being around people that were very body conscious.
At the time as time passed, I started working in the beauty industry, which we all know how body image issues really start to come to the surface.
So it really taught me a lot about how to deal with people that have body dysmorphia or body issues, or they might feel the guilt of eating and eating disorders and all of this.
Like, obviously, I'm not a therapist.
So if this is something that you struggle with, I always highly suggest you talk to a therapist because I did.
And it really helped me create some clarity around this topic.
And so I can talk about it comfortably now, obviously, many, many years later.
But I feel like around the holidays, there is, you know, the other side of my family that constantly talks about how unhappy they are with their weight.
It's like, you don't see these people.
You see these people once a year, and it's always like, oh, I know I've gained weight and I look like this, and I'm whatever.
And the reason why I'm like this is because, you know, I've not been able to lose the baby weight, or I'm depressed, or I'm, you know, it becomes this negative issue where, you know, I don't know that I've ever been in a situation where somebody that I love comes into the room and I say, oh, my God,
look at what's happened to you.
Yeah, never. So, so I think about it.
Okay, reverse that to yourself.
You know, we are sometimes our own worst enemy when it comes to treating ourselves in in an aberrant way, we can talk to ourselves a certain way.
And I know that the relatives of mine that really have that stigma about how they look, and especially around the holidays, it's always a diet they're talking about or after the holidays, you know, they're going to start January 1.
Or they decide they don't want to eat around the holidays because they're trying to punish themselves.
It just really is a volatile time.
So Emma, everything that you've said, I can really relate to and I definitely want to help provide some guidance to deal with this.
I think the first thing for you, it sounds like you've already been on a journey yourself and it sounds like you're in a place where you're wanting to be a model of body positivity and acceptance and mindfulness.
And so I think that you're already on a good track.
I think bringing up topics that might feel more inspiring rather than going into this negative spin of corroborating their negative spin.
Going into a more positive pathway by talking about, oh, maybe Emma can come in and say, hey, you know what I really loved about my path or you know what I really love to do when I'm about to eat a big meal or you know what I love to do right after I eat is go for a 20 minute walk.
You know, like doing these things that are going to be, you're not co signing their behavior, you're just adding value to a negative experience that they're having.
And I think that that's the best way.
It's not your job to make them feel better about themselves, it's your job to help inspire and support them and accept them just as they are.
So I think know that, know when to be able to let that go and to know what your limitations are.
I'll go back to what I was talking about, setting boundaries, know what your limits are to the conversation, know what the value is that you can bring into the conversation and know when to walk away.
Know when to take yourself out of the equation because the last thing you want to do is to fall back in maybe old patterns that you've been able to break.
Yeah, that's so wonderful what you're saying because it does sound like I think the thing you're pointing out about Emma is it does sound like she was affected by this by these elders in her life.
And there's a little bit of projection of wanting to protect these other younger people but also not wanting to be triggered when she goes home for the holidays and wants to have a piece of cheesecake.
You know, I love mindful eating and I know that there are a lot of programs and coaches out there that can can help people that have a really hard time during the holidays.
Can you tell me a little bit more about that because I'm not sure 100 % I actually know what that means.
Yeah, of course, eating mindfully is being more aware of the tastes and the sensations of the process of eating it just means that you're fully immersed in the experience of eating you're able to really chew your food, taste your food, smell your food, see your food, you know, it's just immersing yourself
in the full experience because if you think about it, if we're not in that present state of eating, then you can get extremely distracted.
And then I've had this happen so many times where I'm eating a meal in front of my computer and I have my phone and I'm done eating and I still feel hungry.
It's been a practice that I I've done for many years and it really helped me in addition with working with a therapist to really have the experience of eating and at that point food becomes a fun experience.
It becomes a celebration.
You know, I've done the opposite where you're depriving yourself of eating and you're like having no carbohydrates and no sugar.
And it just, it really for me because I'm such a foodie like that type of structure doesn't really work.
That's the way that I look at it and I know that there are really great resources out there for those of you that are interested in mindful eating.
I know that Andy has a great guide called mindful eating.
It's a really great read.
So for those people that are curious, it's a great resource.
And I think also we should mention there are also other resources out there for anyone who's listening that might, you know, this might be ringing some bells.
There's over eaters, over eaters anonymous.
There's all kinds of like 12 step programs out there for those kinds of if that is, you know, something that comes up for you to.
Yeah, get the support for sure.
Thank you so much, Emma.
We know that you are going to be a warrior into this holiday season.
And just remember some of the things that Rosie said to you about trying to shift the situation when you can and being a part of the change.
But also remembering it is not your responsibility and set some boundaries and have some fun.
And I have all the faith in the world that you are going to nail this.
Creating really great retail experiences is tough, especially with multiple stores, teams of staff, fulfillment center, separate workflows.
Let me tell you something.
It's a lot. But with Shopify point of sale, you can do it all without complexity.
Shopify's point of sale system is a unified command center for your retail business.
It brings together in -store and online operations, even across a thousand locations.
Imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is just always convenient.
Endless aisle, ship to customer, buy online pickup in store, all made simpler so customers can shop how and where they want.
And staff have the tools they need to close the sale every time.
And let's face it, acquiring new customers is expensive.
With Shopify POS, you can keep existing shoppers coming back to your stores with consistent, tailored experiences and first party data that give marketing teams a competitive edge.
In fact, it's proven.
Based on a report from EY, businesses on Shopify POS see real results, like 22 % better total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent to an 8 .9 % uplift in sales on average relative to the market set surveyed.
Want more? Check out at Shopify .com slash Headspace.
That's all lowercase.
And learn how to create the best retail experiences without complexity Shopify .com slash Headspace.
Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile.
One of the perks about having four kids that you know about is actually getting a direct line to the big man up north.
And this year, he wants you to know the best gift that you can give someone is the gift of Mint Mobile's unlimited wireless for $15 a month.
Now you don't even need to wrap it.
Give it a try at MintMobile .com slash Switch.
$45 up front payment required equivalent to $15 per month.
New customers on first three month plan only.
Taxes and fees extra.
Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited.
See MintMobile .com for details.
All right, it is time for question number three from Colleen.
Here we go. Hi, I'm Colleen.
I'm from Miami. And I just wanted to see if this is normal, because whenever my kids come home, people who are completely capable of taking care of themselves for holidays, they revert to children and just lay around and don't lift a finger to help.
And if my husband's parents are around, he does the same thing.
And so I'm the only one that remains a responsible adult, which just means that I end up cooking, cleaning, doing everything to like, that's not fun.
So I'm the only one not having fun.
It's not fair. Oh, Colleen, I have to say, I think the theme of this holiday episode is boundaries.
Rosie, what do you what do you have to say to Colleen?
Colleen, I'm that 12 year old child.
No, Rosie. No, I literally am listening to her message and I'm like, oh, man, I.
OK, wait. So let me explain myself first.
OK, you better. OK, so I there's a lot of matriarchs in my family and they the minute I walk in, they all want to take care of me.
So it's like if I'm going home, I'm the baby.
It's not that I revert to being 12, but they make it really easy for me to for me to revert to being 12.
You know, I've got like my little Mexican abuelita still, you know, almost 90 making tortillas like just, you know, she that's her love language.
And for my aunts and even my mom, they're they're very much about the caretaking.
You know, it's like my mom comes over to my house and she goes straight to the kitchen and starts to put dishes away and just starts doing things.
And I think it's just so innate.
And I think I've had to take it more upon myself to be helpful and to be more proactive to help my aunt.
You know, if there's like a gathering or something, we go there.
I have to force her to let me do stuff like let me do the dishes or let me take the dishes out of the dishwasher.
Let me throw these towels in the laundry or let me do stuff.
So but as far as reverting it, it's really easy for me to just go into just being a child.
It's just something that happens.
I was going to say, it feels like you answered that question like you were afraid Colleen was actually your mom calling into your headspace to complain about you as you went right into like, I'm so sorry.
But what is interesting is that I think here's what I would suggest, you know, as Colleen being my friend and all.
I would suggest giving people chores like just, you know, having your kids have chores like we have a rule in our house, just whoever cooks, the opposite person cleans like that's sort of just the standard.
It's like if I make dinner, he cleans up.
If he makes breakfast, I clean up.
And most of the time it works for us like it's sort of a standard rule that I had to set in place because I found that I'm not as incredible as my aunt and my mom and my grandma are.
I'm like because I never had to do it right.
I know this sounds a little bit entitled of me to wish that I didn't have to do it all the time.
But it's nice to be able to split the responsibilities.
And I can totally call myself out when Tori and I first started dating.
Like I did not. I was that person.
I didn't do the dishes.
I would leave them in the sink.
I would leave my laundry on the floor.
I would just kind of be messy.
He would call me messy kid.
He's like, oh, messy kid, I can see your trail, you know.
And in the beginning, you know, I'm in my early 20s.
So it's whatever, not that big of a deal.
But as time progressed, he really was adamant about me being better about, you know, picking up my stuff.
And once seeing the whole picture, if you've heard what I've said, you know, I've had people, you know, helping me do stuff my entire life.
Like I didn't learn the chores until I was living with my partner, which is not great, you know, because it's a little bit embarrassing, right?
To be like, oh my God, like my boyfriend's telling me to clean up after myself or pick up my clothes or do the dishes or clean the countertops, you know.
And I actually I got chores, you know, and the chores were, you know, you have to pick up after yourself.
And and what I found is now, you know, 20 years later, I am maniacal about cleaning my house and picking up after myself and being able to have these boundaries.
But I think having somebody give you chores, like having your kids come for the holidays, maybe if it's, you know, whoever it is, hey, can you be the person to do all the cups?
Can you be the person to do all the dishes?
Can you make sure you unload the dishwasher?
Hey, I really need your help this year.
Because I think when you tell people what to do, it makes it easier.
I don't have to think I don't have to take it upon myself because there's a lot of people out there.
I would have never taken it upon myself, Robin, if I'm honest.
Yeah, my first thought was like, Colleen should go on strike.
I mean, and it doesn't have to be an angry strike.
It can be like, you know what?
This year we're going to go out for Christmas dinner or I made I made a calendar and it is kids make Christmas Eve dinner or kids.
The kids are on cleanup for Thanksgiving dinner or, you know, like you like making a fun schedule.
And the underlying thing is boundaries and stop doing it.
I mean, I know that's easier said than done because I think if there's one thing we've established is when we go home, we all walk into our patterns and our family roles and our dynamics.
And it is like you're 12 when you go home sometimes even when you're 50.
So we're asking you to go against the grain of that, Colleen, but go against the grain of that.
Yeah. And especially if, like you said, Robin, if Colleen already has it done and she's not saying anything and she's just sort of creating this resentment within herself about what's not happening or how people are behaving.
I think it's always best to be able to voice what you want and to voice the chores or the duties.
Let's not call them chores.
Let's call them duties.
Yeah. And in a way, employ your kids or everybody in the house for that matter to help you.
You know what I do anytime I've had gatherings here at the house.
It's the end of the night.
There's sort of, you know, like cups everywhere and dishes and snacks and things.
And, you know, people just sort of start to pick stuff up.
And there are those people, again, like myself, I don't get the hint, right?
If people start cleaning up around me, I'm just like I'm at home.
You know, my family is going to take care of it.
But the minute that my aunt says, can you help me?
Oh, man, I get up in a flash and I'm doing what do you need me to do?
Like, what do you need, you know, and I just sort of jump, you know.
So I think it's, yeah, it's just sometimes people need to hear it.
Yeah. And like you said, you weren't raised that way.
When we go to anyone's house, we tell our kids like a holiday or any time kids are on cleanup and it because I want to instill in them that they are the type of kids that get up and help.
But if you weren't raised that way and if Colleen isn't setting that boundary or never did, you're asking of a new behavior of your kids.
Yeah. You know, and so I think there should be some space in there for that.
But you spoke a little bit earlier about resentments and I wanted to hear you speak a little more about that in terms of what, like, what did you mean in terms of Colleen and resentments?
Oh, well, you know, my teacher always said expectation is just premeditated resentment.
So if you have if you have an expectation from your kids or a loved one or your partner, your husband, wife, whatever it may be, and you're not voicing it, you're already setting yourself up to have a resentment later on.
Oh, thank you so much for that question, Colleen.
It's just so wonderful.
And we hope you really enjoy these holidays by setting some boundaries and and also tell your kids to help out.
They may not even know just like what Rosie was saying that that they're not being helpful.
So let's let's see if that helps create some change and you can for once have an amazing holiday where you kick your feet up, Colleen.
And hopefully these conversations help a lot of folks who are preparing for the holidays and maybe even help people enjoy this time of year just a little bit more.
It definitely helped me, Robin.
These questions are always so insightful.
And as a person who, as I have mentioned, has struggled with family and holidays, I am sending vibes out to all the folks who are in the same place.
Yes, same same here.
For those of you who want a little extra guidance, my friend Dora has this great meditation on the Headspace app called Managing Holiday Social Anxiety.
And it's definitely one of my favorite go to meditations during this time.
Oh, I love that. And for everyone who was a caller today, we would love to hear updates about how the holidays actually went.
Listeners, we want you to share your questions with us about anything.
So if you would like to ask us a question, all you have to do is go to SayHi .Chat slash your Headspace and that link, of course, will be in the show notes.
Once you get there, all you have to do is follow the prompts to record your question.
And if we end up featuring your question on the show, you are going to get three months of Headspace for free.
Which is a pretty good deal if you ask me.
Yes, I love that. Seriously, keep those questions coming.
Keep those voicemails coming in.
You are the heart of this show.
And we love, love, love hearing from you.
Absolutely. And I do have one item of housekeeping before we go.
Deer Headspace is going to be taking a break from the holidays.
So after this episode, you will next hear from us again on Tuesday, January 10th.
You know what I say?
This is a great time to get caught up on any episodes you might have missed or listen again because you love it so much.
Yes. And now it's time for a transition from this moment to the next in your day.
We've built in some time so you can take in what you just heard.
This is a moment to let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
Today, we're leaving you with the soundscape of a temple in the forest.
So till next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and be kind to each other.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Hi, I'm Melanie, a tech lead at Capital One where we use Serverless at scale.
Recently, my team used Serverless to build an API that lets you generate a pass you can add to your digital wallet for a faster check -in at Capital One Airport lounges.
And we made it reusable so other Capital One dev teams can also implement digital pass services.
Our Serverless first approach allows engineers like me to focus on the fun part, building impactful solutions for our business and our customers.
That's technology at Capital One.
Learn more at CapitalOne .com slash tech slash Serverless.