The following podcast is a dear media production.
Hello, welcome to or welcome back to Try Not to Care.
If you're new here, my name is Ashley.
I am so happy to have you.
Before we get into the episode, and I promise after I say this, I will shut up about it because I keep being like, thank you so much.
Thank you to everyone for the love and support on our engagement.
I am so unbelievably grateful to be able to share this part of my life with you.
I have just received so much support and so many kind messages.
So thank you. And if you're new here, I just got engaged.
I am insufferable, but honestly, you give an Aries a diamond ring and she's not gonna shut up because it's our birthstone.
So it's warranted. Also, if you're not already, follow me on my Instagram and my YouTube and my TikTok because I'm not saying that I'm gonna turn into a wedding influencer, but I definitely am going to be sharing more details on there.
I'm gonna be posting a lot of the journey on there.
If I'm looking at venues and wedding dresses and all of that, it's gonna be documented and posted there.
I'm obviously gonna talk about things on the podcast too.
But if you wanna see it visually, it's going to be there.
So Instagram, Ashley Corbo, TikTok, Ashley C Corbo, YouTube, Ashley Corbo, 444, links are in the show notes.
But as I'm recording this episode, it's the beginning of December.
And although at this point in my life, I can really appreciate the holidays.
I very much enjoy it.
I love spending time with my loved ones.
I love being able to give gifts.
I love being able to do all the holiday activities.
I love being engaged.
Cuz I get just gonna engage if you didn't hear that before.
But there has been many times in my life, and honestly the majority of my life, where this time of year has been very difficult.
And I'm sure that there's gonna be times in the future where the holidays are difficult again.
And I went back and forth on what type of podcast episode I wanted to do for today.
I knew I wanted to do something relating to the holiday season.
But I was like, should I do a gift guide?
A holiday daily routine?
And then I was like, you know what?
No, this feels more authentic and real and relatable.
And something that I probably or I definitely needed in the past.
And I felt like I needed this kind of advice.
So if I felt that way, I'm sure so many of you do.
So today's episode, I want to go over some holiday reminders.
Give you some holiday advice if you're struggling with the holiday season.
Just some reminders I wish someone said to me when I was younger, because these are things that I was struggling with.
So with that being said, let's get into the episode.
Here are some holiday reminders if you are struggling this holiday season.
So for starters, don't compare yourself to others and how your holidays look in comparison to theirs.
This is one of the biggest things that I struggled with growing up and I still kind of do.
Like I remember being in high school and in college and on like Thanksgiving or on Christmas, I would go on social media and see other people posting on their stories or like making videos and photos, opening presents with their big families and having dinner with their big families.
And I would just feel sad and jealous because my family was big at one point, like we're Italian, come on.
But when my dad's mom passed away when I was a freshman in high school, that's when everything like kind of stopped.
We stopped doing like big family gatherings and things just like look a lot different now.
Now it's just my immediate family, my brothers, my parents, sometimes if my brothers have their kids and we're just not a super traditional family.
We didn't grow up going to church.
We don't do like Secret Santa.
We don't play games.
We don't really do anything together.
Like we just have dinner and that's it.
And I always kind of wanted a big family who did have like the family traditions and were like super close and we just like aren't a close knit family.
And when you want something like that, when you wish that your family was bigger or closer or more lovey -dovey, it can be hard to see other people have that and enjoy that because clearly that's not something that you can change.
Like yeah, you could talk to your family and be like, hey, I wish we were closer.
I wish we did more of this, but you can't make your family bigger unless like you want to pop out 12 kids.
So it's frustrating to be like, I wish I had this and I never had this and I'm never going to have this unless I get like married into a family who has this.
And you almost feel robbed or like you're missing out on something because everyone else seems to have it and you don't.
Even with my fiancée's family, like they're definitely closer and they have much more like traditional holiday gatherings than I've ever had.
Like we're hosting Christmas Eve for them and we're doing Secret Santa and it's very festive and it's just different.
Obviously I'm very grateful that I get to be part of that now.
Like I have that bigger family that I've always wanted but throughout the years of dating him, there were times where I wish that I was able to like look forward to a holiday because you know you're going to go home and celebrate and it's going to be this big thing where you sit down at this big table
with a bunch of people and it's just something that I wanted because for me like I would go home to my dad's house and we just sit down for dinner like me, him, maybe my mom, maybe my brothers and that's it, like a normal dinner but just on Christmas.
Over the years, I have learned to become more grateful for the time that I do have with my family because I know one day I'm going to look back and miss being able to go over and just have dinner.
I'm just grateful that I have both my parents because I know that that's something that many people struggle with.
I'm sure there's people listening right now who might feel this way about the holidays but like towards me and be like well, I don't have my parents or I lost one of my parents and I wish I had mine during the holidays.
So I think that's why it's so important to not compare your situation to others because you might be looking at someone posting this like big family group photo for the holidays and be like I wish I had that but that person might be missing someone too or going through something too or even comparing
their own lives and their own situation to others in the way that you are.
Another thing that I struggled with growing up that I don't struggle with now only because I now have my own money and I could just buy whatever I want and I also have an actual concept of money now is gifts.
I used to compare what I would get for Christmas and what my friends would get for Christmas or the girls on YouTube would get for Christmas especially during the era of like Christmas halls on YouTube.
I love a good Christmas hall.
I think Christmas halls are so much fun.
I eat them up and I love when people post them.
They're so interesting but when I was younger, I'd watch these girls on YouTube unboxing like thousands of dollars worth of gifts and I'd be like damn like I wish that my parents could give me that or like in middle school people would post on like Facebook of what they got for Christmas and they'd
show off like their new Hollister outfit or their new cell phone or like these crazy gifts and I would feel jealous of them and I would feel ashamed of the fact that my parents weren't able to afford those gifts for me.
Like I remember the shame of my friends texting me and being like hey what'd you get for Christmas and not being able to wow them.
My parents did their very best.
I always got like one bigger gift.
There was one time that I got a Wii and that that was insane but it was like one big gift and then like socks.
You know what I mean?
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This episode is sponsored by Equip.
In today's episode, I talk about my experience with food guilt and just issues with my body around the holidays.
If you're not familiar with my story, I have struggled with disordered eating and my body image.
During the holiday season, it can be really difficult to be around food and it can be difficult to have to socialize at these parties and events.
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Now let's get back to today's episode.
But I would see these girls in my grade or like my friends or these girls on YouTube getting these crazy gifts, multiple big gifts and their stockings filled with like makeup and smaller like electronics and my stocking was always just filled with chocolate.
Especially nowadays, I feel like kids expect their parents to give them bigger gifts and then their stocking is supposed to be filled with like smaller gifts like makeup and small electronics which is like incredible if a parent can provide that and wants to give that to their child.
But like the standard shouldn't be a stocking filled with drunk elephant and air pods.
Even as an adult, like if I do get a stocking, it's going to be filled with a Slim Jim, a chocolate orange, other chocolates, maybe socks, maybe floss and maybe a toothbrush.
And I'm going to be thrilled when I get that toothbrush.
Like I am so grateful if my dad gives me a chocolate orange.
I think last year he didn't go to the store or something so we didn't get one.
And I remember being devastated because like that's something that I've learned to look forward to and that I love.
And someone might look at that and be like you're upset because you didn't get a chocolate orange.
You want a chocolate orange for Christmas?
It's like yeah I do because that that's my normal.
Comparison really is the thief of joy because I can almost guarantee before I was on social media when I was very young I wasn't opening my gifts for Christmas thinking I wonder what the other kids at school got.
I wasn't thinking like oh I can't wait to brag about my new Barbie.
I wasn't thinking oh I wonder what other people are doing for Christmas morning.
Like I was just dialed in on what I was doing and I was enjoying opening my gifts and enjoying playing with my toys and I was excited to dress up and have dinner with my family.
But once I got older and I got on social media that's when I started being upset about my situation because I was comparing what I was doing to what others were doing.
Which is sad. Like social media has its perks and I think it's a really great tool to connect with other people but I think it's really damaged our perception on how life is supposed to be.
I don't think we're supposed to be constantly comparing ourselves to others and comparing our lives to others.
Like I imagine that this wasn't a thing for my parents.
This wasn't a thing that my parents were doing when they were my age.
You know I'm sure that they struggled with their own insecurities and their mental health but I can't imagine my mom sitting home worrying about what someone across the country got in their stocking for Christmas.
Like it's just so sad that we've lost sight of what actually matters.
It makes me so sad that I was ashamed of the gifts that my parents got me and spent their hard earned money to get me and I'm sure they saved their money for or sacrificed things that they needed or wanted to provide for me.
I have just learned to be grateful for the things that I do have and to not focus so much on what others have because I can almost guarantee that the people that I've compared myself to are doing the same exact thing.
It's this vicious cycle that we're all in that we all want more and more and more and we're just like never satisfied.
The same thing goes for if you're someone who's sad that you're alone for the holidays and you don't have a significant other.
It's totally okay for you to want a partner.
It's okay for you to be like I want a man to go ice skating with but don't let that ruin your holidays just because you don't.
Wanting something and needing something are two very different things.
You don't need a boyfriend.
You don't need a girlfriend.
You want one and that day will come but right now it hasn't and there's nothing that you can do about it.
Don't ruin this moment by thinking about a moment that's going to happen in the future.
Enjoy what you have right now and don't worry about someone who has a boyfriend or someone who has a girlfriend and is like going to see a Christmas tree lighting because again I've talked about this in the past but just because someone seems happy doesn't mean they're happy.
Just because a couple seems like they're the happiest and most in love couple you've ever seen doesn't mean they are.
Just because they're taking pictures and posting on Instagram looking like they're in love doesn't mean they are.
They probably are but it doesn't mean they are.
So don't compare yourself to something that you know nothing about.
You have no idea how happy they are how broken they are.
What's going on? You have no idea.
You don't know what they're actually doing so don't be sitting at home being like oh man like I wish I was going to see the Christmas lights with my boyfriend like I would be so much happier.
I'd be so much happier if I was that person who had a boyfriend because like yeah you see this couple going to that Christmas tree lighting you see a photo on Instagram but for all you know they could have went there took the picture and then left and they're not even doing this activity that you're
all worked up over that you wish that you could be doing.
There's no point in comparing yourself to others and then feeling bad about yourself because of what you see.
You have no idea what their life is actually like or how they're actually doing and how they feel and what they're doing has nothing to do with how you feel and what you're doing.
They're two separate things.
They could be happy and you can be happy.
They could be successful and you could be successful.
They can enjoy their life and you can also enjoy your life.
And your lives can look completely different and you can both be happy.
Something that has really helped me when I find myself comparing myself to others and it's affecting me negatively is practicing gratitude.
Like let's say that I see someone being given a gift that I really want and I'm like damn that hurts like I wish I had that.
Instead of being upset and being all pissed off and like resentful towards that person.
Then I'm going to think of a couple of things that I do have.
So instead of having this lack mindset of like I don't have this thing.
I'm now thinking I have these amazing things.
I might not have the road peppermint lip gloss but I have the jazoo lip gloss like I might not have this thing but I have this thing.
You know what I'm saying?
I might not have this like brand new fancy big ass espresso machine that everyone seems to be getting that's like like looks like it's straight out of a coffee shop.
But but I have my espresso machine that works and that I get to use every single morning and I get to make myself a delicious peppermint mocha iced latte every single morning if I want to.
I might not have a big family to celebrate with but I get to celebrate with my parents.
It's a lot harder to shift your perspective and look at the positive when all you're doing is thinking about things that are negative and comparing yourself to other people and feeling so bad about yourself.
But that's why practicing gratitude and making yourself feel good is going to make it easier for you to shift your focus because when you feel good you don't have the need to go looking for what you don't have because you feel so fulfilled.
So if you're struggling with comparison this holiday season I recommend that you just focus on what you do have and count your blessings even the small things like being able to call your loved ones up and talk to them or being able to go and get yourself a holiday drink or being able to like just sit
down and watch a movie like those might seem very small to you but there are things that not everyone gets to do and you should be grateful that you have the opportunity to have them or get to do them.
Next you don't need to drop your expectations and boundaries to make family members feel better about their shitty behavior.
When I see other people enjoying their holidays with their families and they're being all lovey dovey and it's just like a big old happy family and they're all getting along and it's great.
There's been a part of me that's like damn it like I wish I had that.
I wish that my family had that dynamic.
I wish my family dynamic was simpler and I wish that we could just get along and we could pretend that certain things didn't happen and just like go with the flow and be like these other families but in order to go with the flow and be a big happy family you have to lower your expectations for people
and let shit slide that you don't want to slide like yes there's families that just like get along and there's no trauma there's nothing bad that's happened you guys never disagree that's great love that for you but if you're a family who is a little complicated and has gone through a lot it's not so easy
to be that big happy family because you have to swallow a lot of your pride and put things aside and pretend like everything's okay when like clearly things are not okay.
Yes it might be easier for everyone when you bite your tongue and you don't say how you feel and you allow your toxic family members to disrespect you and say things that hurt you and you could just like smile along and be like la la la la everything's so good I'm not bothered at all but if something's
actually bothering you pretending that it's not bothering you isn't going to make you feel better it's gonna make everyone else feel better but then you're left with this baggage that you're carrying and it's hurting you and for what just to make it seem like you have this big happy family that everyone
can just coexist and be happy sure everyone else is but you're not you're miserable.
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Now let's get back to today's episode.
Something that I wish someone had told me earlier is you do not have to fix what you didn't break.
When someone had hurt me I felt like I had to bite my tongue and pretend like it didn't phase me didn't bother me it's okay because in the past when I have spoken up for myself and said like hey that's not cool like that hurt people would say like you're causing a scene you know you're being too dramatic
you're disrupting the piece and it's like no like they disrupted my piece like they disrespected me and they hurt me but when I stand up for myself I'm the problem like their shitty behavior isn't the problem my reaction to their shitty behavior is the problem.
I saw this video that really resonated with me and it was something that I struggled with for a really long time but I couldn't put into words but in this video she said that she knows that she's sitting at the wrong table when someone at the table blatantly disrespects them and no one does anything
to stick up for her but when she speaks up for herself everyone at the table is mad at her.
I felt this way in a previous friend group where it seemed like people could say whatever they wanted to me they could talk their shit about me they could make fun of me they could exclude me but when I stood up for myself I was made out to be this crazy person and so reactive and it just drove me insane
because it's like no I'm not an angry person I'm angry because of how you're treating me so it's okay for that person to talk shit and make me feel bad about myself but when I say hey you're being an asshole I'm insulting them I'm being reactive I'm being just like this angry girl obviously it's hard
to walk away from people that matter to you but it's easier to walk away from friendships that are treating you that way because you could always meet a new friend but it's hard to do that when it comes to family because you feel like you need to love your family regardless of what they say to you because you're
blood but it's not your responsibility to force a relationship or force a connection with someone that you don't have.
You do not need to be kind and respectful to someone who is not being kind and respectful to you just because they're a relative of yours like if your senile grandpa is talking shit to you and it's just saying the most heinous things to you you don't need to nod your head and be like that's okay grandpa that's
okay like no fuck you grandpa if you love me if you cared about me if you respected me at all if you wanted to have a good relationship with me you wouldn't speak to me that way you wouldn't treat me that way so clearly you don't care that we have a good relationship it is not my responsibility to fix
something that i didn't break i didn't come at you disrespecting you or trying to hurt you i was just minding my business so if me minding my business and my existence is just so bothersome that you have to be disrespectful to me then there's no reason for me to try to mend things between us there's
nothing that i can do or that i should do to make you want to be kind to me the holidays are time to come together with your loved ones and to celebrate and to spread love but if your family is making you feel like you're not welcome there and when you are at these family gatherings you're not being
loved or respected it is not your responsibility to make it a holly jolly loving family environment if your family members are not making a spot for you at that table where you feel welcomed it is not your responsibility to force a spot there boundaries are so important and they are what keep us safe
but also they protect the relationships around us i think people want to throw their hands up in the air and be like you're being unfair you're being mean when you're just like trying to set a boundary and they don't try to even understand why you're setting that boundary it's not that you're trying
to argue with them or offend them you're setting that boundary so that you can coexist with each other so you can continue that friendship or continue that relationship me saying to a family member please don't comment on my body or what i'm eating isn't me trying to upset them or attack them it's literally
me saying that so we can have a peaceful dinner where i don't feel like i'm being violated i think if you do have a toxic family member that you know is going to antagonize you or you're just going to have a really difficult time around them before you go and see them set some clear boundaries whether
you write them down or you make a mental note just be clear on what is not going to fly with you boundaries can be saying it's not okay for you to comment on what i'm eating or comment on my body i don't want to talk about who i'm dating or i'm not going to talk about who i'm dating i'm not going to
talk about politics with you i'm not going to stay at your house for the holidays i'm going to get a hotel i also think it's a good idea to practice what you want to say to this person or to these people before you interact with them just so you're clear on how you actually feel and what you want to
emotional in the moment for example if i don't want to speak about politics with my family i could practice saying i don't feel comfortable speaking about politics with you because it's not productive and it's going to create a hostile environment and i just don't want that i want to get along so let's
talk about something else or if it has to do with what you're eating this holiday if you don't want people to comment on what you're eating you could practice saying please do not comment on my body or what i'm eating because it's very personal and i don't feel comfortable with having that conversation i
feel like so many of us get so worked up about having to go see these toxic family members and we get anxious about the fact that we have to bite our tongue and have to endure toxic behavior and these horrible comments but it's like you don't have to if you're being invited to an event or a family gathering
you're just as important as other people who are there they don't get to make you feel uncomfortable or like you're taking up too much space you don't have to minimize yourself to make others feel more comfortable next don't feel guilty for your eating and exercise schedule changing i want to make one
thing clear working out and eating healthy is not bad i think there is confusion online that someone who prioritizes eating clean and moving their body hasn't eating disorder or it's promoting unhealthy lifestyle habits that can be true like obviously there can be people who are doing that but it's
all about intention and your thoughts those habits can develop into negative self -image and negative thoughts it can develop into something harmful but it doesn't mean it's going to or is the reason that i bring this up is because i don't want you to think that having a set schedule on how much you
eat or what you're eating or what you're doing for exercise is a bad thing it's not if working out makes you feel good and you enjoy it do it if you like to eat clean because it makes you feel good hell yeah sister go off do it with that being said just because you do that for the majority of the year
doesn't mean you have to all the time i did have an eating disorder and i struggled with body dysmorphia and when it came to the holidays it stressed me out a fuck ton because i wanted to do all the holiday activities i wanted to go out and get drinks and i wanted to bake holiday cookies and i wanted
to eat everything that we had at like christmas dinner and i would do it because i wanted to but then i would be left with all this guilt i'd be like oh my god what did i just do like i just consumed way too many carbs way too many calories and now i'm gonna have to work out extra hard this week because what i've
done i'm gonna have to you know restrict my eating for the next week because of what i've done i was acting as if eating those foods and having fun during the holidays was a bad thing and i was punishing myself for eating and for doing those things you shouldn't be beating yourself up for your eating
habits and your exercise schedule changing during the holidays like the holidays are just busy it's jam -packed you're not always going to be on top of your game when you're super busy like that's just not realistic i remember being home from college and seeing my hometown friends and like going out
and drinking and going shopping and doing all the things that you do during the holidays and i wasn't making time to work out and i just felt so bad about it because i thought if i skipped one day or a couple days at the gym then all the progress i made was going to be erased i just had such a negative
relationship with food my body i hated how i looked before i lost weight and i felt like i finally found a way to be the kind of skinny that i wanted to be so i thought that if i wasn't doing the things that i did to get that body it was going to go back to the way it was which i didn't like that in itself
is terrible like the things that i was doing to achieve that body were so harmful and unrealistic for my body type i physically cannot keep up with and i can't live like that you cannot live your life on such a strict schedule and have no grace with yourself like if you were super sick if you were bedridden
you wouldn't be beating yourself up over the fact that you can't work out like if you physically can't work out you're not going to bully yourself and be like you're a stupid bitch for not going to the gym like i'm sorry i have a fever i'm sorry that if i move i'll throw up like you're not going to
be that way towards yourself when you're sick so why are you going to be that way to yourself when you're busy also the holidays are supposed to be fun like we're having fun life is meant to be experienced you should be enjoying this time of your life things don't always have to be go go go go you're
allowed to just exist and you don't always have to be on top of your shit and performing and working and exercising and eating clean obviously those are incredible things that you do year round and you should be proud of for yourself for that but what's the point of doing them if you don't allow yourself
to rest and reward yourself and have a good time imagine if your job was having an end of the year work party and they didn't invite you because you worked too hard you're always working you're always locked in and your boss is like well you're not allowed to come to the party because all you do is work
you're not allowed to have fun you're not allowed to celebrate your hard work like everyone else who fucks around here and doesn't do work they're allowed to have fun but you you don't you'd be like what the fuck like i'm not allowed to celebrate and have fun when i have worked so hard this year i get
no recognition it's the same thing with yourself you're making yourself work super hard year round but when it's time for you to enjoy yourself you're like you're not supposed to be doing that you're supposed to be working life is meant to be experienced have fun eat the food do what you want and just
enjoy the holidays and then get back into the groove of things for the new year don't feel guilty about taking time off and having fun like you're allowed to have fun you should be having fun the last piece of advice i'm going to give you for this episode is don't isolate yourself if you're struggling
this holiday season a lot of people have this fear of being a burden and they feel so alone that they're scared if they open up and tell those around them how they feel they're going to push them away and they're going to be even more alone like actually alone like not even just like feel alone they're
going to be alone they're not going to have anyone the thing is more than likely the people in your life can relate to you in some capacity and are going through something similar like before i started this podcast i felt like i was the only person ever to experience the things that i've experienced
i was the only person to feel the way that i feel i thought i was just broken and i genuinely thought that i just had these insane emotions and i just couldn't function as a human because everyone else around me seemed to have it together and seemed like they could regulate their emotions amazingly
and they weren't suffering and i just thought i was literally the only person suffering which is a wild thing to believe especially because you know i have gone through things in my life but like there's also incredible things that have happened for me and that are going for me so it's insane that i
thought that like i was the only person like i truly believe that no one understood me and that no one could relate to me and that's just bad shit crazy but i felt that way because i didn't hear anyone else talking about it no one was coming to me and saying hey i'm really struggling here this is what i'm
going through this is why i'm having a hard time it just seemed like my friends and my family members and people i worked with and just people i knew were a -okay and that made me feel even more alone because they felt like i couldn't speak up and tell them how i felt because like in my mind i felt like
i can't imagine going to someone who's super happy and like me telling them that i'm falling apart because like for them nothing's wrong so how are they going to understand me when they're not going through even something close to what i'm going through they're going to be like hey i'm not going to
talk about this because this is why it's so important to be open with people that you trust like i'm not saying that you have to go around announcing to random strangers on the street or on social media and be like i'm depressed i'm losing my mind like you don't have to do that but like if you're struggling
tell someone who you trust that you know is going to be there for you and can either provide you guidance or just support and like listen to you you don't have to struggle alone you don't have to get through something super difficult on your own if you're struggling around the holidays because of your
family or because of past trauma or because of seasonal depression whatever it is you don't need to suffer on your own speak to someone that you trust whether it's a friend a family member a therapist a teacher or anyone that you trust your emotions your mental health is not a burden and the people
who love you are going to be there for you and they're going to support you if i knew one of my friends were having a hard time the last thing that i would want them to do is isolate i would want them to come and hang out with me and i would want to support them some people might think like i'm gonna stay
home because i'm such a debbie downer and no one wants to hang out with me and i'm just having a hard time so i'm gonna isolate myself for me and i know so many people agree with me here i don't care if you're not at 100 i don't need you to be jumping up and down with excitement i don't need you to
come and get blackout drunk with me i just want you with me if you're my friend if you're my loved one i just want you with me i would rather have you crying on my shoulder next to me then you be at home crying alone while i'm having a good time we underestimate how much just being open about how we
feel can do for us like when i'm having a hard time and i'm not vocalizing how i feel to like let's say my fiance because i live with him i'm gonna have a much harder time than i would if i just opened up to him and said like hey i'm having a really hard night because when i'm open and honest with him
about how i'm actually feeling i can let my guard down and just be sad and i can cry and i can do the things that are necessary to make me feel better rather than me putting on a happy act as if everything's great and i just go about my night when i'm honest with him he's much more understanding and receptive
to like why i am the way i am why i'm doing the things i'm doing if i'm like oh i don't want to make dinner tonight or like i don't want to go out to dinner tonight and i'm not being honest about why i don't want to go because i'm struggling he might be like why like why what's the problem like what's
going on whereas if i'm just honest and i say hey i'm struggling he's going to be like okay let's just order in food you know watch a movie like let's hang out and that's going to make me feel so much better than me trying to like force myself out of the house and put on a happy act to please him when i
don't have to do that like he he doesn't need me to please him a hundred percent of the time i was watching another video where this woman was talking about how she was supposed to go to the gym but then she decided not to because she was having a hard day so when her boyfriend noticed that she didn't
go to the gym and was still home he asked her like what's up like why don't you go and she was about to pretend like everything was fine like she just didn't want to go to the gym but instead told him the truth and how she wasn't having a good day and she was struggling mentally and when she told him
that he was like okay well let's make some tea and go for a walk and they went for a walk and drank their tea and she spoke about how she felt and after that she was in a much better place mentally if she hadn't told him she probably would have had a much harder day and struggled way more and those
feelings would have festered remember that story next time that you're struggling do you want your feelings to sit and pile up and you want to continue feeling bad or do you want to work through them and feel better before i close out this episode i want to shoot off a quick list of self -care ideas
for you to end the month of december with i put together 15 days of self -care from this monday when i'm posting this to i think the day before new year's eve to finish the year strong and enjoy this time and just like slow down with ourselves i'm going to give you my list but if this is something that you
think will be helpful for you take the list or like make it your own but every day until the end of december you're going to do an activity just to have something to look forward to every day or is going to make you feel happy or productive they're just like Alyssa a positive emotion from you do you
see what i'm saying okay so 15 days of self -care from this monday until i think the day before new year's eve day one aka today you're gonna get yourself a holiday drink day two you're gonna make yourself a cup of your favorite drink it could be hot chocolate it could be a iced coffee it could be a hot
coffee it could be tea it could be matcha whatever your favorite drink is you're gonna make that you're gonna light a candle and you're gonna meditate for five to ten minutes or longer if you can do that day three you're gonna go see some christmas lights whether that's just like walking around on your
hot girl walk going for a drive going to a holiday light show go see some holiday lights day four go to a holiday show like a broadway show if there's like a show near you or you could watch a holiday movie at home or you could go to the movies and see one and just like get your favorite snacks and just
enjoy yourself day five you're gonna paint some christmas cards day six bake yourself holiday cookies day seven make yourself a gingerbread house and eat it after i feel like everyone makes gingerbread houses and doesn't eat them or maybe i just don't eat them because they don't look that appetizing
but this year i'm gonna you know why because i can day seven nope day eight you're gonna do an act of kindness like writing a card or giving like a gift to your mailman or amazon driver you could buy the person behind you a coffee at like duncan you could donate some clothes you could volunteer just
like an act of kindness day nine treat yourself to holiday shopping or a small gift day 10 you're gonna make yourself a holiday meal but not only a holiday meal you're gonna treat it like a date you're gonna light some candles you're gonna play some music you're gonna get changed into a nice outfit
and you're gonna have a drink of your choice again it could be anything my drink of choice for dinner white wine day 11 you're gonna take yourself on a solo date this could be to get food to get a coffee to get your nails done your hair done shopping just something that you enjoyed doing day 12 you're
gonna write in your journal or in your notes app or just like somewhere what you're grateful for day 13 you're gonna make a vision board for the new year i have an entire episode last year about making vision boards i might do another episode more on that but just go to the episode if you want to learn
more but you're gonna make a vision board whether i'd be on pinterest or a physical one that you can hang up day 14 you're gonna make a playlist that either inspires you or makes you confident and excited for the new year and then lastly day 15 you're gonna have a self -care night maybe do a face mask
have an everything shower paint your nails whiten your teeth self tan lay in bed watch your favorite show just chill out before you get reckless the next day or just like if you're not going out for new year's eve just relax before the new year and like prepare yourself for the new year but that is my
list i hope that it gives you some ideas if you're looking to end the year with some self -care make your list let me know what you're doing to take care of yourself this holiday season i'm just going to be doing all of the things that i just told you but um i hope that this episode helped you and i
hope that it reminds you to check in with yourself and take care of yourself this holiday season don't minimize yourself don't get rid of your boundaries to satisfy other people don't compare yourself just live in the moment focus on you and give yourself some grace let me know what episodes you want
for the new year if you're not already make sure to follow me on my socials my instagram my tiktok my youtube are all linked in the show notes as always thank you much for listening besties i love you so much and i will talk to you next monday goodbye besties
