I remember when I was about 12 years old, I read a quote by John Lennon.
And this quote changed my life. Let me share the quote with you.
John Lennon said, when I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I wrote down, happy. They told me I didn't understand the assignment.
And I told them they didn't understand life.
Whoa, that's deep. 12-year-old me was like, oh shit.
Oh shit, that's deep. Now that, that's good.
That's true. Wow, John Lennon, that's true.
Wow. No one's ever said it so clearly like you just did.
Wow. That's life. Life, the pursuit of happiness.
Wow, wow, wow, wow. Wow, that's deep. And you want to know what I did?
I stole that quote. and started to use it as though it was my own.
From that point forward, anytime anyone would ask me, Emma, what do you want to be when you grow up?
I would answer, This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.
Have you ever been shopping online and the website just gave you the ick?
Let me tell you, that wouldn't happen if they used Squarespace.
Squarespace design intelligence empowers anyone to build beautiful more personalized websites tailored to your unique needs And with Squarespace Payments, it's super easy to manage payments with just a few clicks.
Plus, with Squarespace's integrated and optimized SEO tools.
Head to squarespace.com slash Emma for a free trial. and use code Emma to save 10% on your first purchase.
This is an ad by BetterHelp. The internet is a big place, and the info you find isn't always the most accurate.
Every time I look up wellness or mental health tips, I met with so much information, I don't even know how to sort through it.
And not all the information you're going to find online is from people who really know what they're talking about.
There's so much advice online, it can be overwhelming and knowing what works for you isn't easy.
That's why it's important to use trusted sources, or even better, talk to a living, breathing person who can help. like a therapist.
They're trained to help you gain confidence, improve relationships, to share positive coping skills tailored to you specifically.
I'll see you next time. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.
Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com. slash anything.
That's betterhelp.com slash anything. this episode is brought to you by ebay we all have that peace That one that's so you.
You've basically become known for it. And if you don't yet, you'll find it on eBay.
That Miu Miu off the runway, red leather bomber.
The Cusco Barcelona cowboy top or that fleece in the 2017 colorway?
All of these finds are on eBay, along with millions more main character pieces, backed by Authenticity Guarantee. eBay is the place for pre-loved and vintage fashion. eBay.
Things people love. For the last 10 years, I have answered that question the same without fail.
I've just been happy. I think part of me stole the quote because I was like, wow.
This sounds profound. Wow. This makes me sound like a genius who has life all figured out.
But I also think I stole the quote because it was true to me.
I don't really care, and I never really have, about what my life looks like in the future.
And that might sound dark and depressing, but it's not.
I'm not... too particular about what my life looks like 10 years from now.
I mean, I vaguely know what I want. want to be successful in my career.
I want to hopefully start a family one day, blah, blah, I'm flexible.
And I've sort of always been that way. I'm just flexible about what the future looks like.
And I've always been sort of stumped when people ask me that question. because I've always just taken things day by day.
To this day, I'm like that I don't know what the hell my life is gonna look like in five years.
I have no idea what I'm gonna be doing. career-wise and otherwise.
And that's okay with me. I take it day by day and I see what life throws at me.
I'm like that now. I've been like that for a long time.
And I think this quote from John Lennon really resonated with me because it gave me an answer to a question that I've always struggled to answer.
I just want to be happy. And to be honest, that's true.
That's actually true. I don't really care what my future looks like.
I just want to be happy. But recently someone asked me what I wanted my life to look like in 10 years.
I actually get asked that question a lot for some reason.
And I wanted to say my usual answer. I just want to be happy.
But before I said it, I had this epiphany.
I was like, hold on a minute. I've never... taken a step back and been like, why the hell am I saying that?
And do I even mean that? Like, what does that even mean on paper?
Yeah, it totally makes sense. Everybody wants to be happy.
But is that empty? Do you see what I'm saying?
Is that simplifying life? in a way. What is a happy life?
What even is that? I think a lot of us would assume a happy life is being happy almost all the time.
But is that a good life? Is that a life well-lived?
Or is that a life... where you're sheltered.
Because we have to experience negative emotions.
I started to have an existential crisis. a little bit about striving for a happy life.
I started to realize I might have it all wrong.
Or maybe I just don't know what a happy life is and I need to investigate that.
And so today I thought we would investigate happiness.
Because it's a word that we use so often that...
We feel like we know what it means and we feel like we know how to get it.
But we rarely take a minute to step back and be like, what actually is this?
How do we actually acquire this feeling?
How often are we supposed to feel this feeling?
Is there such a thing as too much of this feeling?
Let's investigate it together today. Let's start out with... what happiness is.
Researchers have failed to pin down an exact definition.
So that is clue number one to how complicated this happiness is.
Oxford English Dictionary's definition of happiness is happiness So disappointing.
The state of being happy. That is so offensive.
Like that's, it's an offensively bad definition.
But I did look up the definition of happy, which is...
Feeling or showing a deep sense of pleasure or contentment. arising from satisfaction with one's circumstances or condition.
When I think of happiness in my own life, I think of the times when I'm relaxed and I'm comfortable, I'm safe, my anxiety is to a minimum I don't feel like there's anything going on in the peripheral world. that's unattended to.
I feel in control of everything. I feel like everything's going all right.
Challenges may come up, but they're satisfying to solve, I'm taking care of myself.
Everyone around me is healthy. I'm healthy.
Basically, when I think of happiness in my own life, I think of no stress, no comfort.
Yeah. I think of low stress and comfort, to be honest.
To dig a little deeper into what happiness is, Let's look at the recipe.
What's the recipe? According to Dr. Rankin Chatterjee, You can picture core happiness as a three-legged stool.
Each of the legs is separate but essential.
If one of them is knocked away... your feelings of happiness will probably collapse.
Number one, contentment. Feeling content means being at peace with your life and your decisions.
To control. Being in control means feeling that nothing within reason has the power to overwhelm you.
Number three, alignment. Feeling aligned means that the person that you want to be and the person that you are actually being out there in the world are one in the same.
We often misunderstand what happiness truly is.
It's a state of mind. It's not a trait that somebody consistently has.
It's not like a consistent personality trait.
A lot of times we look at our friends or our family that seem happier than us and we say, They're just happy.
They're just a happy person. That doesn't really exist because happiness is not a trait.
It's an emotion. It's a feeling. It's always fleeting.
Emotions are always fleeting because there's always a new emotion coming in to replace it.
Some people experience happiness more than others, but ultimately, we're all blank slates.
And we can't be characterized by an emotion. which is sort of promising because I've gone through phases in my life where I've been very negative.
And I started to believe like, oh, I'm a negative person.
I'm a sad person. But nobody's a negative person.
Nobody's a sad person because... Those feelings are not permanent.
They're not ingrained in who you are. There are emotions that come and go.
Again, there are people who have more negative emotions. more sad emotions than others, but ultimately we're all blank canvases.
And we're so dynamic. We feel so many different emotions on a daily basis.
And we have the power to change the way that we see the world so that we We feel more of one emotion if that's what we want, you know?
Another misconception about happiness is that it's joy, it's ecstasy, it's bliss.
It's intense. It's a high. That is not happiness.
Happiness is pleasure and contentment. It's much more... stable of an emotion.
Joy is much more extreme, much more vivid.
Happiness is much more calm. And... I think it's important to know that there's a difference between happiness and and joy, because if we mistake the two and we think that happiness is joy and then we're going to feel like we're not very happy people because joy and bliss and ecstasy is far more rare and far less long-lasting. than happiness.
Happiness is much more subtle. But it's almost more desirable because it can be longer lasting.
Okay, it's very rare to feel joy or ecstasy or bliss for more than, I don't know, A few hours?
You could feel happy for two months. Just calm, content, relaxed. pleased.
I don't know. It's important to know that there's a difference because If you're pursuing happiness in your life, you got to know what it feels like.
We can still pursue joy, ecstasy, bliss, but it's best to do so knowing that It's not going to last as long.
The more extreme something is, the shorter its lifespan is, I've noticed.
Like an extreme emotion will last a quarter of the time that a more stable, balanced emotion will last.
For example, during a breakup, The first 48 hours are extreme.
They're brutal. You're feeling extreme pain.
And then for the next six months, you just feel kind of sad. kind of sad, but also kind of like, eh, it's okay.
And that, eh, it's okay, lasts for much longer.
Because it's not extreme, you know? Happiness is not extreme.
Happiness is... To me, more like waking up in the morning.
Maybe you live alone. Waking up in the morning to a quiet house. putting on music, making your coffee, taking a slow shower.
Getting your work done. Work's done. It's Friday.
We're going out for dinner tonight with the friends.
Maybe we head to a bar after and we have small talk with people.
I think because most people have a fuzzy understanding of happiness.
They end up searching for it in all the wrong places.
And it's easy to do so without even realizing you're doing it.
When someone says money doesn't buy happiness, when someone says Being hot doesn't make you happy.
When people say, Winning that award won't make you happy when someone says, Dating that person won't make you happy.
When someone says being friends with those people won't make you happy.
It's easy to disagree and be like, yeah, obviously, like happiness comes from within.
We say a whole lot while living a hypocritical life.
We don't even realize we're doing it half the time.
But a lot of us are consciously or subconsciously looking for happiness and So let's dig into that a little bit.
I think the biggest mistake that we make is... trying to find happiness outside of ourselves.
Like, we try to find happiness in other people.
We think that if we date that person... or become a part of that friend group will be happy.
I've done this throughout my life without even realizing that I've been doing it, especially with dating.
I have a really, really bad habit of... Trying to find happiness in... my romantic relationships.
And I don't even realize that I'm doing it because I'll spew the advice all day. find happiness in a relationship.
You have to find happiness from within. But it's so much easier said than done.
And you have to be so mindful to not do this.
But what ends up happening is when we rely on others for happiness, we put too much pressure on those people to be more than they could ever possibly be, leading to dissatisfaction in the relationship, which will then ruin the relationship, which will then lead to loneliness.
But the irony is you end up more unhappy and more lonely. at the end of that journey.
Because when you're trying to find happiness in other people, It impacts your behavior.
You become more needy. You become more clingy. you become less emotionally stable because your emotions are reliant on... other people and how they're treating you and what mood they're in.
And people don't like being around a person like that.
So you end up pushing people away. And so then you're lonely.
And you have no source of happiness because your source of happiness is gone.
I think it's confusing though because having healthy relationships in life is can make life more fulfilling, and can lead to some really happy moments.
I did a whole episode about the quote, happiness is only real when shared.
We already went through and analyzed that whole thing.
So we won't even go there. But... There's something to that.
I don't think happiness is only real when shared.
But I think life would be much less happy without other people.
I do think other people enhance our lives in a lot of ways.
But healthy relationships that enhance our lives can only exist... when the happiness is ultimately coming from within.
And we're not expecting it from other people.
It's also really toxic when we're trying to find happiness through others because we we end up in anxious wreck about losing these people.
We think, will be destroyed without them because we've put so much power into their hands.
And we can't control what other people do.
So... When we put our happiness in other people's hands, our happiness is now out of our control.
And we as humans don't like feeling out of control.
When we hand over... that power to someone else, we're taking it out of our own hands and giving it to someone else.
And That's not fair to them or us. And it makes us so unhappy.
This episode is brought to you by Cozy. Getting your home to not just look right, but also feel right is so important.
I think what I love most about my home is how There are so many little details around the house that bring me so much joy.
We'll be right back. on there. I get a bunch of work done on there.
When I'm shopping for a piece of furniture or home furnishing, I'm looking for something that's comfortable, but also fun to look at.
That's why you've gotta love Cozy. Their furniture is modern, practical, and designed to make your day-to-day feel a little more, well, cozy.
They're modular and customizable. So if you wake up one day with the urge for a new look, Cozy makes it so easy. easily switch up the layout, switch up the style, switch up the color.
With cozy sofas, you don't just get a new nap spot, but the freedom to change your mind.
Transform your living space today with Cozy.
Visit Cozy.com. That's C-O-Z-E-Y.com. The home of possibilities made easy.
We'll be right back. But having insurance isn't the same as having State Farm.
It's like ordering an iced matcha. but getting fake gourmet grass water.
You wouldn't settle for a lawn latte, so don't settle for just any insurance.
When it comes to getting the help you need State Farm is the real deal.
Like a good neighbor State Farm is there.
Some of us also try to find happiness in material things. or money in general.
And to an extent, This is actually true.
Money and material items can buy happiness to a point.
When money or material items allow us to live a more comfortable life, You know, we have a more comfortable living situation.
Maybe we have better transportation. Maybe we have better food.
Maybe we have the ability to pursue activities like traveling, hobbies, etc., When money or material items can allow us to live a more full life, Thank you.
Yes, money, material items can enhance our lives in a way that's But according to all the research I did, there's a cutoff point where money and material items no longer exist. contribute to happiness in a way that's staggering.
For people who already have a comfortable life, It can be tempting still. to believe, well, if I drive that car or if I buy that outfit or if I have that piece of jewelry, then I'll be happy.
But I think we all know deep down that material items...
Don't make us happy. I mean, they can briefly...
Bring us some joy. You know, I've bought things. in the past that have brought me joy.
You know, even material items. For example, my favorite purse.
Of all time, I wear it almost every day.
My favorite purse was a little splurge. I bought this bag and I, I didn't expect it to bring me happiness, but every time I wear it, I'm stoked.
I love this bag. It's my favorite bag. And I love it.
And it does make me smile when I wear it.
You know, it does kind of... make me feel pleased in a way.
I guess I could argue it makes me happy, but...
It's not enough. Like when I'm in a bad mood or shit's awry, I can't just put on this bag and feel better.
You know, it enhances... my life when my life is good, and it does absolutely nothing when my life is bad.
So I don't want to completely discount material items altogether.
But it's definitely never going to be the root source of happiness.
I do think, though, that that little initial... feeling of joy, feeling of bliss when you buy something new. is addicting.
When you buy something new and exciting, you get a little hit of joy. but it's fleeting fast.
We also try to find happiness from within in the wrong way.
For example, trying to find happiness from our appearance. we think that if we look a certain way, we'll be happy.
We think, If we lose 10 pounds, we'll be happier.
If we gain 10 pounds, we'll be happier. If we cure our acne. will be happier.
If we get a nose job, we'll be happier. If we dye our hair, We'll be happier if we get our eyebrows done.
We'll be happier if we get our toes elongated, we'll be happier.
You know, like if we get our butt, nobody does the toe thing.
Before you guys are all like, is that the new hot LA thing to do? elongate your toes?
No, not yet. That's coming 2024. For now, we're not there.
We're doing buckle fat removal. We're doing the thread lift.
We're doing... various fat transfers to other areas of the body.
We're doing that. We're doing Botox. We're doing filler.
We're not doing the toes yet. So please, let's not rush there.
Now, arguably, searching for our happiness in our appearance is... looking for happiness outside ourselves because in a weird way, our physical appearance is is outside of ourselves.
But I would argue... It's somewhere in the middle and it leans more towards trying to find happiness from within.
Because a lot of us look at our whole physical body as being within.
I look at within as being what's in the mind.
Regardless, at times we can find ourselves believing that looking a certain way will make us happier. that could be a source of happiness for us.
And I think that this one's a little bit complicated because I think to a point, indirectly altering our appearance at times can make us happier. to how money can sometimes make us happier.
It can make us happier to a point. Like, changing our appearance can make us happier to a point.
For example, changing up our style. changing up our makeup can allow us to live a more fulfilling, exciting life, if those are things that we enjoy. maybe eliminating acne can make life a bit easier.
I mean, I had acne for a long time and...
I will say acne caused me a lot of stress pain, like physical pain. definitely didn't feel cute.
I didn't feel my cutest. It was tough. It was a tough time.
There's Do I think that my life improved when I healed my acne?
Yes. But did having good skin cause that?
Like, was that like a root source of happiness for me?
No. Another example would be, let's say you want to get physically healthier.
You want to become stronger. You want to feel better.
And so you start exercising and you start eating more nutritious foods and maybe eating more balanced foods, maybe you're, Eating things that are good for your gut, you know, maybe you're doing all that, whatever.
And maybe you're doing those things because you want to change how your body looks. cultivating healthy habits like that You can't argue that those are positive things to do in your life.
And you can't argue that those habits will... probably improve your life, make your life better. inspire happy moments.
But the way that your body changes as you a result of those healthy habits? will not bring you happiness.
You might feel more confident in some ways.
You're definitely going to feel physically really good.
But the way that you look... as a result, will not bring you happiness.
Improving our appearance is often tied to general health and wellbeing.
And I do think that Life becomes happier when we prioritize our health and wellbeing.
So it's complicated because a lot of the behaviors... such as taking ourselves to the dermatologist for acne or getting a little more into exercise or eating more nutritious foods, like all of these things, lead to a happier life.
But they also lead to changing our appearance a lot of times.
And I think we can get confused about... what's making us happier. it's not that we look better, but it's that we're taking care of ourselves.
And so I think when our appearance changes as a result of us taking care of ourselves, That's one thing.
But it's when we become obsessed with finding happiness. in our appearance.
We consider that our source of happiness.
That's when it's a problem. I have absolutely absolutely tried to find happiness in my appearance.
And what's weird about it is no one would expect that from me, I don't think.
I've always been known on the internet as the girl who doesn't care.
Like, oh, she just doesn't care. She like looks like shit. sometimes like she just wears her messy bun and she wears her sweatpants and she's a stinky girl and And she's just a mess.
Yes. To the outside. That's what that looks like.
But I have absolutely gone through phases of my life where I've tried to find happiness through my appearance.
And it's confusing because the outside people see me as being someone who doesn't care about their appearance, but I care about my appearance in a different way.
I'm not obsessed with wearing the perfect outfit.
I'm not obsessed with, well, I mean, I do love wearing the perfect outfit, but that's not the root of it for me.
It's about feeling pretty to me. Like, I want to be in really good shape or I want my... body to look a certain way.
It's honestly always been rooted in like what my body looks like. which is terrible.
And I don't like talking about it because it's not fun.
It's not fun and it's not healthy. It's terrible.
Bad, bad, bad, bad vibes. But that's why to the outside world, it's like she doesn't care about what she looks like.
Like she has a pimple. Her hair looks like shit.
Her outfit looks like shit. She doesn't care.
She'll show herself in any form. And it's because...
For me, it's always been rooted in my body, like my physical body, no clothes on, like what does that look like?
Like that's always been sort of where it's rooted.
And my God, is it so inconsistent? Like, Our appearance is ever-changing.
If your happiness relies on how you look, you'll have a very unstable source of happiness.
Because you're going to wake up with a pimple one day.
You're going to wake up bloated one day.
You're going to wake up and your hair looks like shit one day.
You're going to wake up and you don't like any of the clothes in your closet.
Like, It's a very, very unstable source of happiness.
And by the way, calling it a source of happiness is... technically incorrect.
It's not ever a source of happiness. It's like a source of delusional happiness.
Or you think it's going to be and then it never really is.
We're also our own worst critics. So if we're trying to find happiness in our appearance, we're never going to find that happiness because we're so much harsher on our appearance than other people are with us.
Like, We see every little flaw. Every little flaw.
And There's no such thing as perfection.
We're never gonna find that. We're never gonna experience that. with our appearance, especially if we're hyper-focused on it because we're trying to find our happiness within it, we're never gonna be satisfied.
This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's fruit snacks.
Isn't it so satisfying when you combine two of your favorite things to make something even better?
It's like when I'm putting an outfit together and I pair two of my favorite pieces together. that I've never put together before.
Like it just never crossed my mind. If you love a good pairing like I do, New Welch's Fusions are so good.
Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors and one juicy bite.
One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.
It's an unbelievable taste sensation. So I recommend them for experienced taste buds only.
You've been warned. New Welch's Fusions.
Please fuse responsibly. This episode is brought to you by IKEA.
Classes, check. Textbooks, check. Backpack, packed.
A dream study space doesn't have to break the bank.
With IKEA's College Essentials, it's easy to create a space that sets students up for success.
They've got affordable solutions and designs that help students customize their space the way they want it.
No time to shop in store? Choose pickup from thousands of locations or...
Find affordable delivery options that take the stress out of getting set up for college.
Check every box on your checklist while starting the year in style.
Shop now at ikea-usa.com slash readyforcollege.
We also try to find happiness in fame, power. accolades, accomplishments.
We think once we achieve that thing, we'll be happy.
But The truth is the excitement that comes with fame, power, accolades, is usually very short-lived.
I... can reflect on my own career in life here and confirm that Nothing has ever made me feel an emotion that I haven't felt before.
I expected to feel euphoria when experiencing this. certain career milestones.
I expected to feel a level of happiness that I'd never felt before.
And I was deeply disappointed because that wasn't the case.
And by the way, it's not the case for anyone I've talked to. so many different people about this topic.
And it's mind boggling how No one – it's not like you unlock a new level of happiness when – you accomplish certain things or you reach a certain level of notoriety.
It's shockingly numb. And on top of that, a lot of times fame and power and accolades can... corrupt a person in a way that leads them to living actually a more miserable life.
I've been fortunate that I don't think my personal fame is, I guess power that comes with that, accolades...
I really stand firm in my belief that those things have not corrupted me.
And if I'm wrong, my God, let me know because let me go to therapy and fix that.
I, for whatever reason, have not let it corrupt me.
But I've seen how it can corrupt people.
We've all seen how it can corrupt people.
You know, it can make people jaded. It can make people careless.
It can make people power hungry. it can shift people's priorities to being lazy priorities.
Like, It takes discipline to prioritize things. the things in life that really matter.
It's much easier to prioritize things like power, fame, money.
Because it scratches an itch that we have.
It's instant gratification. And you have the ability to do that when you have fame and power.
You have the ability to do whatever you want a lot of times.
And I don't know. I think fame and power and accolades...
I think it's a double-edged sword. I don't know.
I mean, I think it's, it gets messy. And I think a lot of times it actually leads people to live more miserable lives. where they're no longer rooted in reality because they don't have to be.
When you don't have fame, when you don't have power, you have to be rooted in reality.
You have to, you don't have a choice. And that's sort of a blessing in a way.
When you have fame and power, you have to make the choice to be grounded.
You have to make the choice to stay rooted in reality and have good priorities and have good values and treat people right, and do the right thing.
You have to choose to do those things because you have... the power to where you don't have to do that anymore.
You don't have to be a functioning member of society.
You have the money. You have the... Deity, you have the godlike effect on the world.
So people just sort of bow down to you. Whatever you do, you say. is right.
And so you can do the wrong thing. You can fuck people over and you don't have the same type of consequences.
So, It takes a strong person to be in a place of fame and power. and to not abuse it.
I think it's easier for some people than others.
Especially depending on how you grew up, et cetera, et cetera.
But ultimately, I think... trying to find happiness and fame and power is... a dead end because a lot of times it, turns you into a bad person.
And when it doesn't, it still leaves you feeling unfulfilled in a way.
Like it's not... You can feel proud of yourself.
You can feel excited, but it's not going to... fix your life.
It's not going to be a source of happiness.
It can't ever be that. If anything, the journey... to acquiring fame and power and accolades. is happier than once you... get it.
And so I think striving for fame and power is not inherently wrong depending on how you're going to use it.
But I think striving for it as a source of happiness is wrong because that's just going to end in disappointment.
And it's also going to prevent you from enjoying the journey.
And that's a period of time that can foster a lot of happy moments.
A lot of us see happiness as a destination.
When I look like that, when I accomplish that, when I... get to travel there when I make this much money, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
When I reach this point, then I'll be happy.
The truth is happiness will never be found in the destination because Because the destination is never as fulfilling as we expect it to be.
The destination can be amazing. The destination can be exciting.
The destination can be fulfilling in some ways.
But it will never be a consistent source of happiness.
And that's what we all really want, right?
A consistent source of happiness. that we can rely on.
I think we also have an unrealistic expectation for what a happy life is is in order to learn and grow in life, we must experience negative emotions.
In order to even know what happiness feels like, we need to experience negative emotions.
Though a lot of us feel like we're failing when we feel negative emotions.
We feel like our lives aren't happy. We're not happy people.
We should strive to be well-rounded people. who experience all emotions in healthy ways.
We shouldn't strive to be happy all the time because if we're happy all the time, then we're not learning. and we're not evolving, and we're likely sheltering ourselves from reality, which is not good.
That's not healthy. Feeling negative emotions... is inevitable and crucial.
I think happiness comes as a result of of resolved negative emotions.
It's not the complete absence of negative emotions in life altogether.
It's a break from negative emotions, you know?
So how do we find happiness? I just went through all the ways. not to find it, all the places not to look for it, Now let's discuss how to find it.
Well, number one, stop looking for it. Stop striving for happiness.
We should strive for a dynamic life well-lived.
We should strive to feel in accurate emotion based on what we're experiencing in life.
We should strive to live the best that we can.
And along with that comes happiness and happy moments.
We can't force ourselves to feel emotions.
It's almost like there's something else going on in our brain.
Like we don't have control over our emotions.
We just don't. Like, how often will we love to just be happy when we're really, really sad? if it was a deliberate choice we could make, we would all never be sad again.
We can't control how our brain responds to things. at times.
I mean, we can train ourselves to have an overall more positive attitude.
Yeah, but it's like, When your cat gets hit by a car and you're sad...
That's a healthy emotional response to that situation.
We have to have those experiences. We have to feel sad.
We have to feel terrible sometimes. What we do have control over is what we do with our lives.
And so if we strive to live the best life, life we possibly can, then we're inviting in a lot more happy moments.
Because doing your best in life in all categories leads to happy moments. doing your best to be a good friend, doing your best at work, taking care of yourself the best that you can learning and growing as best as you can.
All of those things will naturally just attract happy moments.
We shouldn't strive for happiness as an emotion because we can't, force that, but we should strive for the best life we can possibly live. that's dynamic and flawed at times and terrible at times, but it's also... very fulfilling in a lot of ways to kind of, build on that a little bit.
Living a life that you're proud of breeds happy moments. having a good work ethic, but also being fair with yourself.
Overworking yourself is not working hard.
It's overworking. Having goals and enjoying the journey. to accomplishing those goals.
Doing the right thing, treating people well, surrounding yourself with people who are loving and amazing and good, all of these things are will lead to happiness in one way or another.
Taking care of ourselves, again, already kind of briefly touched on this, really helps with living a happy life.
Eating well, sleeping well, exercising. avoiding unhealthy temptations like scrolling on social media for... hours and hours watching the news too much to a point where you're an anxious wreck, not having discipline with yourself when you know you have things you gotta do and you know you'll feel good if you do them. forgiving yourself when you fuck up, that's totally self-care to me. respecting yourself, appreciating your strengths, being gentle with your shortcomings. taking care of yourself, being gentle with yourself, all of this. really breeds happiness as well.
Also, we have to stop looking outside of ourselves for happiness.
We have to look within, within. I'm talking about what is inside our brains.
What's in there? when you're able to find happiness from within, And you don't expect it to come from the things around you. you're able to appreciate more things.
Because expectations cause disappointment.
And when you're trying to find happiness in things outside of yourself, you end up disappointed with all these things outside of yourself.
But if you take the pressure off the things around you and you try to find it from within, then you're able to enjoy more things in life. which also leads to more happiness.
And last but not least, look for happiness in the moment.
We're so obsessed with trying to... set ourselves up for happiness down the line that we never get to appreciate the happy moments that are happening right now.
And that's something I'm really working on is trying to become more aware of the The present moment and being grateful in the moment when things are good and I'm getting better at it, but it's not easy.
So the moral of the story is stop looking for happiness outside of yourself.
And stop striving to be happy. Strive to have the best possible life you can.
Happy moments will come with that, but it's much more realistic.
It's much more doable. Striving to be happy all the time is not... going to be good for you.
You're going to be left disappointed when reality hits and You feel negative emotions all the time.
That's all I got for today, okay? I hope that you all enjoyed this episode.
Tune into Anything Goes every Thursday and Sunday.
Come hang out with me if you want. Check out Anything Goes on Instagram at Anything Goes.
Stream Anything Goes anywhere you stream podcasts.
Video is exclusive to Spotify. So head to Spotify for video.
Follow Anything Goes on Instagram at Anything Goes.
Follow me on Instagram at Emma Chamberlain.
Check out my coffee company, chamberlandcoffee.com.
See if we're in a store near you. Go to the store locator on the website.
Or just order stuff online. Get it straight to your door.
Coffee, tea. accessories, candles, all the fun stuff.
As always, I really appreciate all of you and value all of you and I'm just so grateful that you give a fuck about stuff that I say.
I mean, even if I'm just background noise and you don't give a fuck about the stuff that I say, great.
Like literally just happy that we're here together.
I love and appreciate all of you so much.
And I can't wait to talk to you in a few days.
Love you. Talk to you later.
