Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me | On Purpose with Jay Shetty

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I wasn't happy and I was burnt and I just felt like a punching bag and I also was getting really bad performance anxiety.

Right before I did my first ever standup set, I thought, oh no, I'm gonna start getting those feelings I would get before a match of just like dread and shame and standup I went on stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before.

It's kind of like why I try to fit into something that isn't right.

So I urge people to find their calm.

The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.

Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty.

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose.

I am so excited for today's guest. I was a guest on her show probably just over a year ago.

We had the best time.

And if you haven't listened to it, I hope you will after this episode.

Today's guest is someone that is known for being hilariously funny.

Extremely witty, someone who's got the ability to make you think, laugh, and all of the same at the same time, her name is Hannah Burner, one of the most influential rising comedians of this generation.

She has two hit podcasts, as if one wasn't good enough.

Giggly Squad and Burnerphone, which have garnered over 100 million combined downloads.

Hannah's video series, Hana on the Street, has earned over 350 million views.

And Hannah was named one of Variety's top 10 comics to watch in 2023.

She also just finished touring her solo stand -up routine to sold out theaters across North America and Europe and will embark on a club, gigly national tour with co -host, Paige DiSorbo.

The duo will release their book, How to Giggle, A Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously via Simon & Schuster on April 15th, 2025.

So lots to look forward to.

And most recently, Hannah debuted her first Netflix comedy special, We Ride at Dawn, which premiered at number two on the platform, and is streaming now.

Welcome to the show, Hannah Bernstein.

I think people got everything.

I have nothing left to say.

That's it. You're like, you've lived.

You've lived. Thank you for that.

I appreciate it. It's amazing.

It's so fun. Like when we met last year, I was learning, so all of my team are huge fans, like huge fans.

And I was learning so much about you through them and they were just like, This is amazing, you know.

And just to see the incredible jersey you've been on over the last 18 months is amazing.

Thank you. And I was gonna start by asking you, have you always been this confident?

Oh my God. I think I always was delusional.

Like I always was like bored without having like a dream.

Like at like seven years old I wanted to be a professional tennis player.

And someone told my parents like, she's too late to start.

My parents told me like you can't be a professional press player someone told us that and apparently I cried all day Like what kind of passionate little seven year old was like how dare they tell me?

I can't do that. And then I just was like, that's my dream I just always wanted to I wanted to be like different and great in some capacity which could be very ego now that I'm looking back, but like I just wanted to Challenge myself and chase something.

Had you ever played tennis before?

I I still haven't played tennis since night, no. I was like, I was an athletic kid and I think like, I was the Serena generation, like seeing Serena, I was like, why can't that be me.

It was always kind of like, yeah, why can't I do that?

I don't know if it was intrinsically like, my dad definitely instilled a lot of belief in me and I just always was like, why can't me?

Especially in like spaces that I felt like I didn't belong, where there was like male dominated spaces or just like, like places that I didn't think easily I could get into.

I even, my dad has a story that we were ice skating once when I was like six and all the girls were in the middle doing the jumps and then everyone else is like scared holding the rink on the outside.

And I was like, I want to go to the middle.

And he was like, you've never ice skated before.

And I'm like, put me in the middle coach. So I just always had that attitude.

And it's hard to always be chasing like lofty goals but I think that's like the high that I like.

Yeah, that's dope. I mean, that's such a great mindset.

I mean, you reminded me of me ice skating when I was young.

I was like... I'm so bad, by the way.

I could skate then, and I couldn't stop.

I didn't know how to slow down, so I would just fall, when I had to stop, and now it's like I'm the guy holding the side going...

As you get older, you're like, this is an insane hobby to have. Yeah.

There's so many things that can go wrong.

Totally. I've seen people break their teeth and chip them and...

Fingers flying. Fingers flying.

I'm like, I don't need that to happen at this age.

But it seems like you've channeled that into your career, right?

Like that energy, it's not like it got lost somewhere.

Yeah. But before we get to that, I wanted to ask you a few more things because when I was looking into parts of your journey and what you've talked about and what you're having.

There's a lot of lives, it's like a cat.

Yeah, you've lived so many lives, but I feel you've been amazing at pivoting and you've been like what I like to think of like an expert in quitting.

Like you've been good at knowing.

You can say firing.

You don't have to sugar coat it.

It's funny I recently was DMing an astrologer as you do.

And she was like, you're really about like rebirth.

And you're all about things falling apart and then coming up like a phoenix.

And I was like, why couldn't I have something easier be my purpose?

But I've... Yeah when I outgrow something or don't feel right, like I get out of it.

And sometimes people get out of it for me when I don't have the balls to be like, this isn't my space anymore.

But yeah, I had to quit tennis, so I felt like a loser, even though I spent my whole life pursuing it.

And I played number one for the University of Wisconsin full scholarship.

Like externally people were like, she's successful.

Where in my head, I'm like, I'm a loser failure cause I didn't win well then.

And then I'm like, why did I do all that?

And then I got into, eventually got into video production and I got fired from that.

And then I did reality TV, and I got fired from that.

And now I have a Netflix special, but it really, where some people might be like, Oh, like you're getting fired.

I really was, like, I was finding myself every time.

And the more you are connected to yourself, the more and honest you are with yourself and in tune with yourself, the more spaces might not be right for you.

I've never been good at just, like, blindly following.

I don't like being fake.

I can't pretend to be happy.

Like, my body will reject situations.

Same with, like, relationships.

Like, I can't. The second I'm like, this is not right for me.

I, like, blurted out, like, it needs to come out.

How will your body tell you that?

Like, what's the - Anxiety.

And it's funny, at first I was like, oh, no, do I have bad anxiety?

And I've talked to people and they're like, no, your intuition's actually really good.

you just have to listen to it, but when you question it, that's when you, like I've been in places where I'm like, I'm also self -sabotaging, but my body's just like, this isn't for you.

That's so powerful, I love that you said that because I think we don't connect those two things, we see it as, oh, I'm having anxious feelings, I feel nervous, I'm overwhelmed.

Your body's protecting you.

Yeah, totally, but it is signaling something.

It's telling you something.

Yeah, because I feel like we can lie to ourselves a lot, especially when you're like, mentally strong.

And in tennis, you have to really suppress your mind.

You have to be like, I'm not nervous, I'm not tired, I'm so ready for this match. And you have to like numb your inner thoughts.

And as I got older, I realized, wait, I have to start listening to my inner thoughts because they're actually right.

And with tennis, I realized looking back, all the success I have now is because of the tennis training I had.

It really was part of who I am now.

Just cause you lost a dream doesn't mean that's not gonna make you better at something else.

It's not like, oh, that was a waste, which I love to tell people.

But also, like, I love divorce.

I love firing. I love leaving places that aren't right for you.

And I feel like so many times you think you have to stay.

I think the coolest part about life is tomorrow I can wake up and say, I don't wanna do this anymore.

And there's such a beauty in that.

Yeah. Why do you think we project that expectation onto a dream?

Like if you think about it, when you think you're going to become a tennis player, today you're a comedian, you've lived a million lives in between.

I'm sure you'll live a million more and you'll keep evolving.

But a lot of us, like you said, we just stayed glued to I could have been.

I should have been.

If only I would have been, and that way we never shift our lens.

What allows you to be so positive about going?

Let me trust that that isn't for me and I don't fit in here if people are listening and watching and they're thinking Their first dream hasn't come true or they failed at their first dream.

Yeah, how do you start believing in a second dream?

It's so funny because everything is perspective like even me joking like I did that That was a waste and I didn't when Wimbledon and you laughed like it's funny, but then it's also like cut me up But I was like the fact you didn't win Wimbledon, you're a piece of shit, cause that was 20 years of putting your heart and soul into this dream.

But when I started doing comedy, my career like ascended like abnormally fast. And it's I tell people like it's Cause I had a career before this to prepare me.

And I approach comedy, the way I approach tennis, but like healthier.

Tennis I was very hard on myself and I had the work ethic but I didn't always practice smart.

I was very like negative self -talk and with comedy I'm now like recoaching myself in a new way.

So I'm like, when you go on stage, you're gonna be positive.

You're not a loser when you mess up.

And I get to speak to myself the way I wish I was spoken to in my past career.

and I see so many people who are sad because they're ending something and I'm like, you're going to be so good at the next thing.

And also there's a lot of shame that comes with when you didn't accomplish something you wanted to, but these are all just your own games you're playing in your head of what you should be because if I look back, I actually, my first love was acting and being goofy.

I love drama class, I love painting, I loved creating, but I happened to be super athletic and that was where I was kind of pushed towards.

And looking back, I'm like, wait, I didn't think you can make money doing what you love.

I thought you had to be like a tortured athlete who was just like on the grind.

And for anyone who's feeling kind of not having a purpose right now, think back to what you loved when you were a kid.

And I know it sounds crazy, but like, you can still be that kid and have that joy before society told you all these things that you should do to be successful.

And I kind of realized tennis there were too many rules and I don't enjoy playing by the rules.

I don't like staying in the box and tennis was all about like, hitting in the lines.

And standup I think I love because I go on stage and no one can tell me what to do.

And it turns out that's where I can be my most myself.

I love that. You would have been that player smashing the rackets.

Oh, I've broken rackets.

It was, I definitely, you know, had, like, coaches that wanted me to change stuff about my game that I would try, but I didn't really believe it.

It was a lot of, like, just, trust your coach and don't listen to yourself.

And it really, it made me who I am, and I actually couldn't watch Tennis for years after.

I was very, like, it was like, an ex -boyfriend.

Like, you, cause it was the longest relationship I ever had.

So, um, but now, I, like, love Tennis.

Like, I have it on all the time.

I played a lot this summer to get fit.

And I was like, wait, it's a part of me and it makes me who I am.

And me calling myself a loser is just, that's a perspective you can take.

Or you can be like, by the way, I actually was really good at tennis, back in the day, isn't that cool?

Yeah. I can relate to you in so many ways, my life's so different, but as you're speaking, I feel exactly the same way.

I think even when we sat on your show, I was talking about how leaving being a monk felt like a divorce at the time.

Yes. And because I felt like I was getting married, it was a commitment, it was something I was really excited about.

And then now it's been 11 years since I've left the monastery and I am so happy I left. And I couldn't agree with you more that I too have lived so many lives in between that and this.

I went back into the corporate world.

I worked in a massive corporation with 500 ,000 employees.

Yes. And all of what that looked like.

And then I worked at a media company, I was at HuffPost for briefly.

And so there's, I've lived so many lives and I couldn't agree with you more that I've just constantly tried to move closer to who I really am and align with how I want to express myself, who I want to be.

And you can't just know it.

You can't know it. You have to go through those trials and tribulations.

I tried entertainment in so many different ways.

I worked at a company.

I did reality TV. I did a lot of things that I did it, and I was like, those aren't really feel right, but I do like parts of it.

So then you grow and you just take what you learned.

That's why anyone who's having a tough time in their 20s, you're supposed to have a tough time.

like the 20s everyone's flailing and you take that time so by the time you get to 30, you're like oh first of all I'm tired I'm too tired to be like upset about things and to I kind of know what I like and what I don't like Yeah, is it true that I've I heard somewhere very briefly that you were hit by a car Oh is that is that like I because I couldn't really I was trying I don't like say it that much because I don't want people able to think I stopped tennis, cause I got hit by a car.

Right, right. But my last year at University of Wisconsin I was playing number one for the team and I kind of had this idea that if I had a great season, I would then go pro.

And this season, it was it was going pretty well.

And then right before like the big 10 tournament, I got hit by a car going to practice and it was like seven am University of Wisconsin.

It was like zero degrees.

I had a big park on and a guy hit me in the car.

And I'm lying on the ground.

And the first thing I thought about it was like, tell my coach I'm gonna be late because I'm gonna be in trouble.

Because like he's gonna be like, why is she not here?

Like I was so... It's almost cultish, like you're just so obsessed with this team and doing your best and winning.

And I recovered after a couple months, but I wasn't like my sharpest. And I lost...

This is very sports talk, but I lost five matches in third set tie breakers.

So it basically means like one or two points were the difference in five matches.

And if I had won those five matches, I would have like won all these awards.

I would have probably gone pro and for whatever reason, like these are really just these minuscule moments.

I didn't win those matches and I remember being like, I think the universe...

Like a person can only take so much. but the thing is I could've kept playing tennis and I would've been fine.

But, I knew there was more happiness in life that I just wasn't living, and I wasn't happy, and I was burnt and I just felt like a punching bag.

And I also was getting really bad performance anxiety.

And what's cool about the performance anxiety is that I thought I would have it in comedy too, and I didn't.

Like right before I did my first ever standup set, I thought oh no, I'm going to start getting those feelings I would get before a match of just like dread and shame and like Judgment Day, like whatever happens is going to, there's a lot weighing on it.

And stand up, I went on stage and I felt a calmness I hadn't felt before.

So I urge people to find their calm.

It's kinda like why I tried to fit into something that isn't right.

And I do think I was playing for other people besides myself.

I wanted my parents to be proud of me.

I wanted my peers to think I was cool.

And that's all you know when you're younger.

Yeah, I like that idea of moving towards your calm.

I mean, it's the same in relationships as well.

Yes. I had one of my friends - She's gonna hate me for putting it out.

I'm going to do it anyway.

I'm anonymous. One of my friends messaged me the other day, and she was just like, I just went out with this guy.

He was perfect. We had the same values.

He'd been an amazing dad, but I just didn't feel it.

And I was like, dude, did you feel peace?

Did you feel calm? And she was like, it felt so peaceful.

It felt so calm. I was like, you should at least give it a second date or a third date.

You don't just write it off.

And it was so interesting to me how we're so averse to things feeling aligned.

Like we have this kind of allergic reaction when something feels aligned and something actually feels like we connect.

You almost feel guilty when something comes easy.

You're like, that's not how it's supposed to be.

The dating stuff is so funny because I have a friend who like loves dating like drummers who were in jail.

Like she, that's her thing and she's gorgeous and like such a catch but she loves these like projects to take on.

And she recently met this guy and she was like, I love him but like I feel like he needs like a neck tattoo or something.

I was like, let's just take a breather, keep seeing him because there was this addiction to tennis that almost wasn't that healthy.

I was addicted to the drama and the anxiety.

It was provoking in the highs.

I was actually still able to find those highs in comedy that was just less torturous to me.

Yeah, I really like that comparison between the two because obviously, you were brilliant at both and it's hard to decipher.

I meet a lot of people who are like, Jay, I could do this or I could do this, which one should I do?

It's a very common question that I get, like I'm passionate about this and I'm passionate about this.

And what I hear what you're saying to kind of decipher and divide the two is, well, maybe you're addicted to this and maybe you have a lot of affection for this over here and go with the thing that feels less overtly stressful, less dramatic, less like the highs really high and the lows are really low.

Yes. Yes, I mean, I'm kind of obsessed with, and by obsessed with I mean, I heard about it once and I like it Stoisism.

Because that was not my life.

It's like, especially as an athlete, as a tennis player, you're like losing all the time or you're like, I'm the greatest that ever did this.

Or you're like, oh, Sugg, I need a quimp.

And I think what I realized with tennis, and it was hard to admit, but I actually did not like the competition.

But I thought that was just a problem that I had to overcome.

I was like, you're just not doing it right, but all the girls around me would be like, I actually hate practice, but I love the competition.

And the competition is literally what it means to be a professional athlete.

When it came to comedy, some people will be like, I hate going on stage.

I live for the stage.

Like I'm more uncomfortable at like a group dinner.

But if you give, because I'm like, when do I talk?

Do I do less, do I do more?

But when I have a mic on stage, I know exactly what to do and it's corny to say, but like, go towards your purpose and the calmness is where it's like, Oh, this is where you're supposed to be.

It's almost like with friend groups, like, you know, when you're with people And you just feel like I'm saying everything wrong.

I'm awkward. Oh my God, I hate myself.

I'm so embarrassed.

You could say those same things with the right people and you would feel like comfortable.

So I feel like that with careers.

So going back to your question of which one should I do?

I literally did not like competing.

But I liked, I was so comfortable with the idea of being a tennis player and overcoming this performance anxiety and getting to the next level.

And it's like, if you're gonna do something for a long time and be good at it, and want to be successful, you have to like it.

I know that sounds so simple.

People come up to me, they're like, I'm gonna start a podcast, what should I do?

And I'm like, do something that you would do for free and talk about for years.

You can't just do it, cause you're like, oh, I want to see my face on a chart.

That's not there. You won't make it.

There's no longevity in that.

They're also my people.

I was going through a hard time with reality TV actually.

And I started doing stand -up and I would tell people what I'm going through and the stand -ups were just like making fun of me.

And seeing it through their lens, I suddenly felt safe, I felt calm, and I started to relate to them.

I'm like, wait, I think like these people, finding community is a huge part of my happiness where tennis is very lonely.

Everyone was my competition.

And comedy is lonely too, but I was able to find a community within it.

It's interesting, I'm like figuring this out right now as he was, as I'm speaking because people will say, like, it's not about money, it's not about fame, it's about community, but I'm a pretty like, I don't love partying, socializing, but comedy, I almost accidentally found people who accepted me which I think has overall helped my day -to -day like happiness.

You've reminded me of this great book that I read a long time ago called Flow State.

It's all about flow and it talks about this idea that comedians, speakers, musicians, athletes to experience flow state.

Flow state is defined as when your skills meet the challenge.

So when your skills in challenge are perfectly aligned you experience flow, but what most of us experience are the opposite.

So we experience our skills being above our challenge.

So we feel bored and frustrated and kind of lethargic, or you experience where your challenge is way above your skills.

And then you feel depressed, and you feel annoyed, and you feel angry.

Out of control. And so we've got to constantly find a space or find the thing where your challenges and your skills meet.

And I've always liked that idea.

And how does competition look like as a comedian?

To me, it was like arts and crafts.

I was like, we're all just painting.

And like, I like your painting, you like mine.

And I think some comics get really into the comparison game because it's easy to be like, why did they get picked for that or they get picked for that?

And I think I don't have an ego with comedy because I'm honest. I have an ego with tennis.

Tennis was my everything.

thing. So comedy, to me, was something I no one even anticipated me to be in.

So I have a lot of gratitude, and it's almost like, because of my failure with tennis, I'm able to have such a nice outlook in the comedy space.

Every now and then, you know, I do have that like tennis voice that comes in.

I remember before I shot my Netflix special, it started to hit me the result voice that I helped out with tennis, which was like, oh, your whole career is riding on this.

And comedy, I consider myself in a flow state because I'm not trying to be perfect on stage.

It's about my energy, it's vibes.

I always say, people don't remember the joke you said, they remember how you made them feel.

But then for the Netflix special I felt like, oh my God, this is like a final, like I have to get every word right and the perfectionist like tennis players started coming back.

I called my therapist. I was like getting a beta blocker.

Like I started to get this crazy anxiety and I feel like it was almost like if you wanna get to the next level, you have to face those demons that you thought you could just like leave by going to another career.

I'm still the same person who was having trouble with tennis.

So I was able to kind of battle some demons.

I remember a quote that I loved.

That was like, what if you let your dreams come true?

And I remember being like, I think you're not the same girl, actually.

you've grown, you've matured, you're safer mentally.

And right before I went on, I was very nervous.

Right before I went on, I was like, you're in control and your skills are ready for the moment.

And I felt the same with Fallon where I was like, you could go up and fumble all your words and blank out.

Because that was what I would do on the court.

Anything I was scared of, I would do like, oh no, I hope I don't double fault, I double fault.

Like, it was so frustrating.

And comedy has been a way for me to like, just like a new avenue for me to express myself in a much more like safe or positive place.

But I have the same drive and work ethic I think I had with tennis.

I really love the way you've analyzed both and I think anyone who's listening right now would gain so much from it because I think so many people are doing this mental exercise in their head like the pros and cons of like if I stay in this job what's it gonna feel like?

If I quit my job, what's it gonna feel like?

Or if I start a podcast as the example you gave or if I do this, what's he gonna feel like?

And the truth is, this is what you've gotta move towards.

And I also think we're told a lot like, keep chasing your dreams, push through, don't quit.

So, I'm not telling everyone to quit, but I actually think that you know when you're supposed to get out of something.

And I think I knew it with tennis when the wins I was feeling nothing.

It was like a drug where if I lost, I'd feel horrible.

And then the wins, I wasn't even getting the highs anymore.

so in my head, it's like, why am I doing this if I'm not even getting a high anymore?

And I think that's when I knew like, we're not even chasing anything anymore, we're just trying to stay afloat, and that's when you know like, oh the love is gone.

And I also tell people like, when they're confused about jobs, relationships, I'm like, and if you made the wrong decision, go back.

Then no one's like, there's no police that are policing your decisions of being like, oops, I messed up.

Yeah, and sometimes when you give people the freedom to be like you can go back, they leave. Hey, instead of another ad break, let's take a break together.

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Yeah, what's really great is that it sounds like you evaluate things as how you feel about them.

And so I wonder what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked?

I am a people pleaser.

I mean, I think to be a comedian, like, you want everyone to have like the best time ever and that brings me joy.

I think I have to thank reality TV.

Cause my reality TV, my biggest fear was to be perceived, not who I was.

But when you're 26, you don't know who you are.

Like I remember I'd go into social situations and I put a lot of pressure on myself to be like, I want everyone to think I'm really funny and I'm really nice and I care about them and I'm smart.

And it's like putting so much pressure on myself.

Every time I'd interact, I wanted to be control of everything.

I was like a type A student and achiever.

And reality TV, you give up control.

My first two seasons were good.

My third season, I experienced what people like tell you could happen, which is like, you lose the narrative and they're not showing your perspective anymore.

They're showing it through, like, other lenses.

And it was my biggest fear to be misunderstood.

Like, there's one thing for tennis or comedy for people to be like, I don't like how she played.

I don't like her jokes.

but to be perceived based on like things that didn't actually happen was very painful for me.

And I think I realized, I also didn't have the heart for it.

Like I was too sensitive to be in a show that was about kind of like, who's good, who's bad, who we're rooting for like, WWE type stuff, where I was like, it really is like sports for women of being like, let's, who were gonna root for this season?

Who actually sucks, so we didn't know, And that energy was I I was not good with it and I got fired and at the time I was like I got a talk show from it and I was like you just Your chance and also I was confused cuz I was like I was engaging with everything I was responding to everything I did everything everyone wanted me to do So the math wasn't math thing my like tennis mind of like I worked hard I'm doing well and I got fired if I didn't get fired I wouldn't have a Netflix special I also would probably not be in a healthy marriage and I also would probably not feel like myself.

So if I was also when I got fired, I laugh, but I got a fire in me.

And I think it goes back to that rebirth thing.

I realized the one thing I can control that I'm so proud of myself is that I can handle adversity.

The stuff I went through with tennis, I went through some bad stuff like yips, like Simone Biles type stuff, not to that level obviously.

But I will bounce back and I don't care what people try to do to me or what happens to me.

The cream will rise.

Like I'm kind of annoying.

We're like, I'm all about justice and I want everything to be in the right place and for everyone be treated right.

That's not life, but you're not a victim.

You have to, again, have the perspective of like, just because I failed, just cause I got fired.

That doesn't have to define you.

I kind of got this silly idea where I was like, okay, I fired from reality TV show and didn't feel like I was shown to be who I was authentically.

What if I became the biggest comedian I could be, which again, not a normal thought someone should have. But I always think big, that's how I've always thought.

I really put the head down and was so motivated by the firing.

I wouldn't be here if I wasn't fired.

And it wasn't like, fuck these people.

It was like, I hear you, I see you.

Let's find a new outlet.

Even I remember after tennis, when I just discovered comedy, I felt like a horse that was like, walking around lost, and then finally, they put me in my lane and I was like, I found my lane.

So I just wanted to find my lane and then I could go.

And finding your lane is very fun because you're just like, self -exploratory.

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How does Bravo tell you that you're fired?

Over Zoom. Really? It was during COVID.

I think it was kinda like you're not coming back.

And I think it's hard cause with a lot of people, your whole thing is about your story, which is like the ebbs and flows of evolving.

And Bravo's very like, we'll break you down.

We'll build you back up.

So, they kind of were like, and this is the end for you.

So then it was really in my court, to be no pun intended, but to be like, where do I take this from here?

And I learned a lot about production and reality and unscripted stuff that definitely helped me do fun stuff and will help me do fun stuff later in my career, yeah.

And how many people on this Zoom?

I think it was me and two people.

Okay, good, so it was quite intimate.

Yeah, yeah, it was and it's also you're getting fired for like being you Did you cry yeah Yeah, for sure and also you felt like you lost all the friends who the show was about it Basically was like no one must be friends with you anymore looking back It was such a blessing and people kept telling that to me.

They were like, you're so lucky This is for a reason and don't you hate that when you're going?

It's the worst when you're in there This is for a reason and I'm like I need to make money I lost both my jobs.

I was on a talk show too, and I was just like, I have nothing.

And I have a guy who I'm engaged to, who in my head, it was like, why would he want to be with me when I'm a failure?

Because whenever I used to win and do well, people loved me more, so this was a really pivotal moment of, I had to love myself and believe in myself, because no one was gonna fix it.

What's the difference between self -confidence and self -worth, and how did you work on the latter?

I think I realized that my power is how I deal with adversity, it's not avoiding adversity.

And I think for people who deal with that in relationships, I realized when you marry someone, you're dating someone, you're dealing with their life, which is full of ups and downs.

So when someone's with you, it's not about being perfect and an easy -going and cool girl, that's what I wanted to be.

But realistically, I just got fired.

And And you're finding someone who's going to be with you through the highs and lows and no one's life is perfect, no one's relationship is going to be perfect, who's going to be in the trenches with you.

And I found my person to be in the trenches with me.

How did you stop yourself from letting any bitterness or revenge mindset creep in?

I do want to say I fully do have a revenge mindset.

But my revenge is never to hurt people.

They're already hurt.

They're hurting you.

Obviously, they're hurt if they try to hurt you.

It's like the classic quote, but, like, you being mad at them is just, like, you adding venom to yourself.

And they clearly don't give a f**k about you because they hurt you.

I realize that peoples' hate towards me was because they saw something in me.

And I almost took it as a compliment.

Honestly, gang -fired there's some star power to it.

Like, there's a, and I'm not telling everyone, you know, get fired cuz you'll find your purpose, but it's like I listened.

I wasn't like trying to undo the past. I was like, I can't change what happened.

I can only change going forward. I think great athletes are like that.

Like you make a mistake and instead of harping on the mistake, that's not gonna help you in this next point.

Yeah, yeah. And I dealt with a lot of depression, a lot of, you know, questioning why, why, why me, I wasn't just like completely, you know, strong out of it.

But, I do think I have a lot of gratitude now.

I want some hotel recently, and someone was complaining about how the hotel sucked or whatever or something happened.

I was like, I remember when no one would have even booked me to be able to stay at this hotel to perform.

Absolutely. The lows actually have given me the mindset for success.

But also the right seeds planted in those lows.

Because in one sense that's what I was getting at.

That if you had planted it out of this bitterness, I'm gonna show you, you know, you'll realize how great I am when you do it from that perspective, which is natural, by the way.

I'm not even judging anyone who has that intention.

It's just that, if that's the seed you plant, then even if you make it to that hotel or make it to that podium or make it to a Netflix special, you will never go sleep happy.

Like, it's just not possible.

Yeah. That's what I meant by like, they never liked you.

They're not gonna like you.

Totally, yeah. Like, everyone's dealing with their shit, but I do have to say, I don't forgive people.

I'm not gonna be friends.

like, I learn from situations, but I also feel like my particular situation, like I was on a show about friends getting drunk and starting fights with each other, and I wasn't fitting in, and people kind of turned on me, and I was like, that's actually a compliment that, like, you weren't thriving in that environment.

The friends that I've been able to make recently, like, I found the most smart, powerful, inspiring people, like, Ally Reisman, has she been on the spot?

You have to have her on.

and she's an incredible gymnast who was like, the captain of the Olympic team, was like, hey, I love your special, I'd love to get coffee.

And I was sitting there talking to this girl, feeling so lucky that I can even understand how her brain works and be connecting with her.

Again, you go back and you're like, thank God I got kicked out of where I didn't belong.

Yeah, you reminded me of a commencement speech that Federer just gave, and he was talking about how.

Okay, I love him. He was talking about how he's only won 80 % of games in his career, and he's only won just over 50 % of points in those games.

Yes, yes. And so he was like, I have to get so used to losing a point.

I always say as a tennis player, to win 6 -4, 6 -4, you lose 40 % of the points.

And it's—and I do think that tennis mentality helped me, like, when something bad would happen, I'd be like, yeah, that's part of the ride.

Yeah. And I also do love storytelling.

That's why, like, this pod is so fun for me.

I love when bad things happen because I am that person that's like I can't wait to go on a podcast one day and be like, I was fired and sad and then I rose from the ashes.

And I do think people connect with me because they see like, okay, if she can do it, I can do it.

And that's what I want people to feel because it really is just your mentality.

When you get up in the morning, you're just like, I'm not gonna let that past pain define me.

— When you're putting it into comedy, where is all the content coming from?

The storytelling? — Well, to find out what comedy is, I definitely never wanted to be a standout comedian and I think it was a blessing in a way that like I very have my own distinct voice in a way I am on stage.

Like I wasn't ever trying to copy anyone else.

I didn't even think I was going to get a Netflix special.

So when I did, I was kind of just like cool.

And then I've been joking.

I was like, what do you do next?

Do another Netflix special.

How many Netflix specials does a person need?

But it's been an interesting moment creatively because with a stand -up, after you do your hour, the material's burned, they call it.

So unlike a singer who can like, you write a great hit and you could do it forever.

Like, my hit is like my great hit.

I love my like Gun Joke or my Queef Joke.

I can't do that anymore.

So now I'm doing these new material shows where it's basically like watching your favorite athletes, starred as a beginner.

So I'm literally on stage being like, kankles, are kankles funny, do we like kankles?

And I've had some insecurities being like, this is difficult, I went from a tried and tested like, hour that I know every single moment what will happen and the laughs I'll get to being just like, feeling naked on stage.

And my husband's been inspiring, cause he's like, you don't even know, like, this special's gonna be better than the last one.

So I think with comedy, I like that it keeps me on my toes, I don't feel completely like I got this all the time and I think it keeps me motivated because I feel so...

I'm constantly learning about myself and challenging myself.

Last week I even, I went on stage just with a bunch of papers, which I've never done before and just was like, let's see what happens.

So look, maybe I'm sick in the head as we're talking it out and I'm saying it out loud, but I like to put myself in uncomfortable positions and see how I can get out of it.

And I think that's what crowd work is, which is something that I've taken accustomed to.

I actually think it's the only mindset – if you know what you're going to do every month, you'll end up living the same year again and again and again.

And part of me is jealous of those people.

I do have to say, there are maybe some neuro -typical people that are like, I want to go to work, I want to enjoy my friends, I want to go home and I'm so thankful for this life.

And I'm envious of those people.

Like I wish that...

Are you actually? Well, I think that they actually are fulfilled.

And then there's people like me who need some crazy shit to like feel alive all the time.

And I definitely am neurodivergent.

Like I'm realizing now like, I do think I have ADHD in like a powerful way.

Like when I'm doing a joke, I could like know what crowd work I'm gonna do next and I'm also gonna do a callback to this joke.

Like I have a bazillion tabs open in my head and I need constant dopamine hits.

But it's made me a creative and a performer.

So I think both ways of life.

Like you know you see a kid and you're like, this kid is happy chilling.

And then you see a kid that's just running around being chaotic and you're like, they're just different vibes.

Totally, totally. And I feel like everyone's needing to balance out by doing the other.

Like someone who lives a crazy life.

Like you can find more joy from relationships and the simple things and someone who's living a more, as you called it, a neurotypical life, also needs to find new goals and things to grow towards because both end up feeling out of balance and out of sync very easily.

Are you good at vacationing?

I really enjoy it, I wouldn't say I'm good at it in the sense of I could go years and probably did in the beginning and then I got a bit better at it and then probably got bad at it again.

I'm okay at it I'd say.

I've recently, like this summer after the special, I was like take some time, and you wake up and you're like what are we doing?

Oh, I'm good at that.

Once I'm there, I'm good.

Once you're there, you're good.

I find with vacationing or giving yourself breaks.

Especially as an entrepreneur, because it's always like when you're not working or just not making money or whatever, you'll be like, okay, let's relax.

And then it takes you four days to relax.

And then you're finally relaxed and it's like, we gotta go back home.

And you're like, oh no. So yeah I'm really lucky.

I can lock into any mode that, I mean, immediately.

Well you meditate more than me.

Correct, but finding the time to get away, That's what I was thinking.

You have to prioritize that.

I'm okay with that.

Sometimes I'm good at planning it out, sometimes I'm not.

I'm good at starting my year off.

I always make sure that I start my year off in India, back at the monastery, taking time out.

I've done that every year religiously for the past seven years, or whatever it is.

Maybe even more now.

That to me is like I'm good at doing that.

I heard that Dua Lipa always takes July and August off.

I also could have started a rumor there, but I heard that.

and I was like, Dulepa's always crushing it.

Part of me loved that, not that I'm European or something, but I'm realizing in this life that no one's gonna make you take a break and you actually have to have the self -love.

Even if you think you don't need it, to be like you do need to have balance.

I'm a workaholic and I love the highs of it, but I've also been working on like, also when you're relaxing don't be mean to yourself.

Don't spend the whole day relaxing being like, you should have gone to Pilates.

So it's you, yeah, creating the right narrative in your head that you're in the right space, at the right time, is kind of what I've been working on.

Yeah, now that you've started a crazy rumor about Dua Lipa.

No, you're interested.

I was going to ask you, what's the craziest rumor you've ever heard about yourself?

I mean, honestly, the biggest rumors were like stuff that would happen on reality TV.

Because there'd be scenes where the back of my head would say something to someone.

And I was like that was not what the response was.

So it was like living with moments that just didn't happen that you had to kind of just like own.

I didn't really own it.

I would be like no, that didn't happen.

I was like shut up, stupid.

But I think my support system has been really great.

And I only took it for granted or I just have very small support systems. So I never thought that I was like special in any way but now I'm realizing it really is quality over quantity.

Like I always have that one best friend, my mom and my dad, my brother and my husband, maybe a couple other friends depending on the time.

And I thought like, you're kind of a lonely bitch, but then these people are so special that I can call it anytime and they get me so well that I'm realizing more like, oh, they got me through that.

Like I could not have done it alone.

Yeah, my poor mom the cause she has to take That's that's so wonderful to hear though.

Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it?

Because I think as things grow also you realize The different values of your community as well as you get older you realize the value that they play in different You go through more you go through so you rely on them for more things like when you're a kid Maybe they hoped you move to college or maybe they you know, it's things like that Whereas when you grow up you're like no, I just called you and cried and I remember for me, my mom saying something, I was going through a tough time and I don't really call my mom for advice.

I never have. She would always have been loving and supportive.

It's very guy of you.

My brother will call my mom once a month and I call her, I'm like, I'm eating chicken nuggets.

Yeah, exactly. That's my wife.

My wife will call her mom like six times a day.

And I literally call my mom once a month.

And I remember my mom just once, we were on a call and I didn't tell her things were hard. But obviously, she's my mom, she can sense that things were hard. this was like seven, eight years ago.

And she just said like one of the most motivational things to me ever and she never does that.

So like I'm not used to that from her.

And it was about me and about something in my past, I'll tell you off camera later.

And it was just one of those things that I was like, no way, like I didn't even know we had that relationship.

Or you just gave me like a really big gift in my, I was just turning 30 maybe, like at that time and I couldn't believe that she said that to me then.

And so I would never have realized that if I wasn't going through that point in my life and she didn't sense it.

So I didn't see the value my mom could offer me.

It's so funny how heavy a mom's words could be.

So heavy. Like, I remember I was in tennis craziness and I called my mom and I just was like, just dark and my mom was like, you're not being yourself.

And I was like, what do you even mean?

And she's like you're a lighthearted, funny, silly, like goofy girl, like that's who Hannah is, It's like, I don't know who this is right now, but I'm just trying to figure out who I am, an 18 -year -old, and looking back, I'm like she's so right that I was turning into someone I wasn't because I was just forcing things.

I also think with friendships and relationships, in your 30s, you start being like, I don't have time to force things.

And also why would I force anything?

Like me and you, for example, I feel like if I was like I need Jay to like me and was obsessed with connecting with you, who knows if that would have worked.

But like, we naturally hit it off, and we have a friendship where like, I feel like sometimes people will be like, if I ask them to get coffee and I do this, I live my life kind of like, put your energy out there and the right energies will come back.

Three authentic relationships are better than thousands of people that you're like, they wouldn't be there for me when I need to bury a body.

Yeah, I'm still trying to get you to like that so.

I was trying and I was gonna be like, a new messaging...

No, I do think it's just those vibes.

Those good vibes. Yeah, no, for sure.

And I can agree with you more.

There isn't, I think tactics and hacks and things like that get you very, don't get you very far with humans.

Like they work on things, they work on tools, they work on strategy and projects and things like that, but they don't really work well with people.

I also find with dating, I used to be like, if I construct the perfect text message, he's gonna realize that I'm cool.

I was so I'd get nervous and be like, if I say this or like, I wasn't funny enough.

And looking back, you're like, the emoji or not emoji did not change.

Like, it's funny because my husband, he met me when I was in the middle of this like insane reality TV time, which arguably like, I was crying more than I've ever cried before.

Like, that's not what it's like being with me.

I have other issues, but crying was not a thing.

So it's talk about like someone loving you at your worst. It's almost like he saw me as like an open wound and he loved me through that.

So I joke now, I'm like, first date, get in a fight, like start crying, tell him all your trauma and like, if he can't with it, be on to the next one.

Why are we pretending to be perfect for three years and then realizing you hate that?

Absolutely. I really thought that like if I was perfect, perfect things would happen to me And that's just not the game.

So we've talked so much about your confidence in these places.

How you apply to your love life like, what was that like in relationship and dating?

Were you as analytical?

Were you able to make sense of stuff?

Or in that area, were you like...

It's so funny how everything's so similar.

I was like tennis were like, even when I was like, could not hit a serve, I had this confidence that I could still win.

And I did win. But like I always joke like, I always think everyone loves me.

Like I'm, I'll have friends, I'll walk into a room, like I have reverse bi, dysmorphia, like I think everyone's attracted to me.

But I just had this confidence that no matter what was going on, like that I'll fall in love and I'll have the most amazing relationship and everyone's attracted to me and wants to be with me.

And that was just what I put into the world.

But I also had an ego with it where like I realized that I would go after emotionally unavailable guys Because I wasn't ready.

I was like no one's rejecting me like no one's rejecting me And I'd go after like really good -looking men who I didn't respect emotionally so that if it didn't work out I'd be like he's can stoop it like obviously I didn't like him or like they wouldn't make me laugh or like I liked Having hot men around me and it is kind of I always like male dominate spaces I'm wearing Thai right now But I kind of like I thought it was powerful to be like a girl that like could date a lot of hot guys it's like I didn't wanna be fully seen either and I finally like my husband is a guy who very good looking but I

really respect emotionally and he sees me and he calls me out on stuff and is okay with all the things that come with me and it was like scary and vulnerable but it also felt really safe because I think it was with the right person.

I have been in relationships where I felt confident like this guy on paper is like, everything someone would want, like girls probably look and go like, oh yeah, he's great.

But I didn't feel like myself.

And I'm proud of myself.

I got out of a relationship when I was younger that like other people were like, why would you leave that guy?

But because when I was alone at night, I didn't feel like I was able to be myself with him.

And I got out of it.

and I realized, your partner if they're not an asset, I don't mean it like we have to make everything great and life -happy, no, if they're not enhancing and supporting you in who you are, there's no reason to be in a relationship.

Someone said something kind of powerful that the person you're with directly reflects how much you love yourself.

Even though I was like dating and confident, I wasn't like really putting myself out there fully because I didn't know if someone really saw me.

They would be scary if they didn't love me.

So I was like, well, I don't love them, I don't need them.

But I honestly think having a bad relationship that hurts your mental health is so nice because bear with me, you start realizing I don't want to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship.

It's too risky. If someone is bringing me down, like I'd really, really rather be single a hundred percent of the time.

So once I got in that mentality, like in my late twenties, when the right guy finally came, I knew it because I wasn't just dating to date.

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Yeah. I feel like so many of the people I love right now are just struggling with dating.

Like, I'm sure you have loads of single friends too.

It was just like, Jay, can you introduce me to someone or I don't know how to meet someone, I'm on all the apps, I'm doing this, I'm doing that.

and it feels like it's just the wild, wild rest for people.

Like it's so hard. At least that's how it seems. I know.

My advice, I really do joke about it that like first date, if you go back to his apartment, like hide his remote and see what his true character is, like, cause I really feel, especially in LA, everyone's hot.

And I'm like, I could get along with a hot person for months before I like realized what's going on.

And I think life is so short.

It's like you can convince yourself that so many people are great for you, but like stop lying to yourself and immediately just be like, do you feel like yourself with them?

And is it someone that you want to sit on the couch with for hours?

Let's stop with the Instagram bullshit.

Let's stop with how it looks aesthetically and find someone that's good for your soul.

Yeah, well, yeah. Cause your relationship is like a mirror where like it's a voice that you have to listen to for the rest of your life.

Make sure that voice is someone you want to talk to and they create the vibe of your life.

I love quitting, I love getting out of stuff.

If you're not with the right person, like, there is a right person there, get out.

No, but I think you're so right that the halo effect so strong.

Like, we can stay with someone off of the tiniest thing, like people will stay in a relationship because someone's hot, because someone makes lots of money, because someone's really good at one thing.

And it's so easy to do that because the halo effect is so powerful.

You were saying in a very sincere way, Do you want to listen to their voice for the rest of your life?

And I was just thinking of someone going to me, I really like the sound of his voice, and it's like you're just attracted to the sound of someone's voice, but not really the content of what they're saying or who they are and what you're talking about, someone's soul, and it's so hard for our brains to detach from that which is pleasurable to that which is actually meaningful.

Oh my God, you're so right.

I loved having a crush.

I would make it up.

He would just have to show a little bit, and I was like, I love this!

I wanted to wake up with that high.

Like, is it going to text me?

And then you finally meet him and you're like, oh my god, this is not it.

It took me a while.

I would really just be like, as long as he's tall, I could figure this out.

And then I remember feeling like I was assigning my soul to the devil.

I was like, you deserve better.

And I do think like you love yourself.

The person you're with is showing how much you love yourself.

You deserve the best. Also as someone who's just got married.

Like I do have to say when you're growing up, you're like, who's my soul mate, who's my soul mate?

And not to be a Debbie Downer.

I believe there are soul mates.

I don't think at all that there's one person.

I really think of marriage as a best friend and that it's very similar to friendships.

You know when you meet someone, like I'll meet a girl and immediately I'm like, where the f*** has this bitch been all my life?

She's amazing, I'm obsessed with her.

And you'll have a couple of those kind of relationships in your life and that's how I feel with men as well.

Romantic relationships.

So it's like the person I'm with right now, he's so right for me, he's amazing.

I do think there's other people in the world that potentially I could have married and had that I haven't met.

So it's like you create your own adventure and you find the person that's right for you in that moment.

People will be mad like why did I marry this guy?

And I'm like maybe he was right for you in 1997.

Whatever happened in he was perfect for you in that time.

So stop putting so much pressure on this like one insane thing.

It's like no it's it's vibes and it's like finding your best friend and you'll have a lot of beautiful or relationships in your life.

What were some of the surprising challenges that came up in marriage that maybe you didn't expect?

I do have to say, my husband has a joke, he's a comedian too.

He actually has a really good bit about mindfulness that I feel like you would like.

Oh, I love it, I hate to hear that.

I'll send it to you.

Please do, yeah. It's just about how mindfulness, he jokes about back then it was just like watching precipitation go down.

He was like, you can't even sit and take a shit without like scrolling.

Like mindfulness used to just be existing.

I butchered that bit.

But it was about that.

You're not doing his bit.

I'm doing his bit. But he has this joke about marriage, how he'll tell people like we don't spend a lot of time together because I'm on the road a lot, he's on the road.

And how people like 35 and under are like, oh, that must be really hard. But the people 35 and over are like, you guys are gonna make it.

So like, we never get into that like roommate situation where you start feeling like, oh, this is just a roommate that I have that lives with me.

It stays kind of exciting because we don't have of that routine.

Our, our careers are very kind of crazy and we're really good at communicating.

I think the funny thing about marriage is that dating is a lot of chasing.

There's a lot of like, are we going to get engaged?

Are we going to get married?

What is this going to be?

And then you become it.

It reminds me of life where like, if you don't love the journey, there's no point to it.

And you realize like, oh, this isn't about getting the ring.

Like, this is just about finding someone I wanna be with.

With him, it's like, we're married.

We're not playing any more games, the games are over.

And I liked being like, what's gonna happen?

And there's no game playing.

That's your person.

I remember reading a study that talked about how what we really get addicted to at the beginning of a relationship is stress and excitement.

So the excitement of, I just texted them, the stress of will they text me back?

The excitement of like, I just told all my friends about this guy, the stress of, I don't know if he's talking about me to his friends.

And so that keeps you, it's what you're saying.

The game keeps you going.

And then all of a sudden when you actually end up with someone, then it's just peaceful.

And then everyone goes, wait a minute.

There's no excitement anymore.

It's like, no, no, no. You were just addicted to stress.

Yes. Like it's not.

And I do have to say the peacefulness of marriage has been really nice for me in terms of like dating actually was really time consuming and stressful.

So I feel like I'm able to focus more on my career and being myself.

I used to like not be able to enjoy friends sometimes cause I'm sitting there thinking about a guy when we're at dinner and I'm just like, I don't really care about this cause like so and so hasn't texted me back.

Where now I have this like comfort of like, I have my person who's my sidekick and there for me.

And I can actually be myself more, which has been really nice.

When I was single, I was boy crazy and I was like putting it on a pedestal.

So I've done that and been that and I think once you realize you just you don't want to force it Yeah, my ultimate dating tip is that Do the things you love and it'll attract people who will love you Where it's I tell people like I know this is corny but like if you like volleyball join a volleyball league You can't just like sit around hoping like be you and they will come.

Yeah The baseball field as they say You build it they will come for men I think it's similar, like all the most successful men that I've spoken to have all said that their success came when they committed to one woman.

Yeah. And then they actually have time and energy to build everything else.

That is exhausting.

Rather than the exhaustion of thinking that it was cool to date multiple women or have affairs or whatever they thought it was when they were growing up.

The stress that they're addicted to.

Exactly. But I do have to say to be a little positive, my parents have a really beautiful relationship up and like they still like they flirt, they love each other.

They make each other laugh.

And in my relationship, like I still, my friend makes fun of me, but like, I still get butterflies with him.

Like I do have it. It's not, you know, we're two years in it's early, but I found someone who keeps me like excited.

So that's possible.

It's not like, Oh, you meet someone and then you're just like, yay, we're bored.

No, like I found someone who he definitely is emotionally, like we say like our love language is laughter.

So we're making fun of each other.

and it's like, we're constantly playing the game of how can we make each other laugh.

Absolutely yeah, we banter all day, me and my wife.

It's so important. When we're around - You guys have a really fun dynamic.

Yeah, laughter is our love language for sure too.

It has to be. We always feel like when we're around new people or new couples, they're like do you have issues with each other?

I'm like no, no, no this is just, this is who we are like we're constantly bantering and that's our way of sharing love to each other and it works for us and I can also get They're really emotional.

Like when radhi's traveling or whatever, I literally be like, there's no light in the house, like I'm just like, I get fully like, I'm like, no, the house feels different.

Like it's not the same, cause I'm so used to just walking back there, seeing her, giving her a hug, whatever it is, even in the work done, and then when she's traveling, I'm like, no, where is she?

But I love the idea of missing her, it works.

Yes, yes. I was gonna say it makes you not take for granted them being there when you wake up.

And we also are very good at communicating, like we'll be on the phone like all day, even if it's just like a two minute call to be like this thing happened to me.

Yeah, it's just natural and I joke like be with some, your relationship is a conversation you have for the rest of your life.

Like do you want to have it?

I saw like a random probably a TikTok about how the person you marry is the person that's gonna be with you when like your parents pass away like who do you want to be with you in those hard times?

It's not who do you want to be in the wedding photo with you?

Mic drop. Yeah, that's real.

No, that's so real.

That's the realest thing ever.

And then I wish.. I wish more people would internalize that because that is exactly what it is.

And having and I have a friend who was with his partner through the loss of her mum recently.

And it was the hardest thing for her and he was he was the best partner, I think, she could have had during that time.

And she needed him and I realized I needed my husband during my hard time.

And I also think that trauma bonding is real.

Obviously, trauma bonding can be bad, but I think we are so much powerful of a couple because early on we were dealing with so much adversity, that now when something happens, we're so easily able to handle it.

So when bad things happen to you when you're in a relationship, it's actually gonna show you if you're in the right relationship, which is awesome.

I wanted to pivot slightly because I feel like you pointed out your tie earlier and I think this is a great outfit.

Thank you. We have to talk about it.

But I feel like your whole career from day one, it's been operating in a male -dominant.

I mean, this article headline was, so this one 15 years ago, New York Times.

She plays with boys and rivals don't like it.

Yeah. It's crazy. That's crazy, right?

And it's like 15 years ago, even now comedy is definitely more male -dominated, has been.

Yeah. And I think it's a really interesting thing because I've been speaking to a lot of my male friends recently, either married or have girlfriends' long -term relationships, and a lot of the women they're with feel really scared about pivoting careers, feel scared about changing their identity, about how they're perceived in their small community of friends.

And these aren't people who are saying, I want to be really famous or I want to be really rich. It's just people thinking like, maybe I don't want to be a doctor and maybe I do want to do this.

Or maybe I do want to be a yoga instructor or maybe I do want to do fitness.

So whatever it is, it's people making just genuine choices.

It's funny because when I talk to my guy friends about it, they've all done it, and it feels really easy for a guy to like somewhat change his perception and identity.

Whereas for women, it feels a bit harder.

If you had to say something to them, what would you say to women who are feeling like it's hard?

Two things. One, I do think that women do have… they have the biological clock in their head, where they're like, OK, if I switch this and then I have kids at this time and then I'll be behind… 100%.

They're dealing with like that kind of stuff.

I do have to do a shout out to my parents.

I think I was raised a very, I don't know if it's unique, but I was raised very like genderless.

Like, I wore whatever clothes I wanted to wear.

My dad really treated me, I wouldn't even say like a boy, just like, I never said I was pretty.

It was about like being hardworking and I think growing up as I got older and people started to be like, you're a girl, you're not allowed to do that.

I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's hilarious.

and I'm gonna show you that that's not true and I think even like wearing the tie I joked that like it makes me feel people are like listening to me more like I could say things I don't know about and people like she sounds like she knows what she's talking about and I love playing with the gender roles because I think they're socially -constructed in a way but I also do realize now that I'm I'm 33 and some male comics their careers are popping off like mine, where I'm like, if I want to have a kid I have to do it in the next couple years, how is that going to affect my trajectory, where they cannot have,

they don't give a f**k about that.

And I'm used to being like, there's no difference between me and you.

But then I realized like, oh shit, there is differences.

But I like to be in terms of like, my feminism, people get confused thinking that feminists are like, men and women are equal or not.

we're very different in so many beautiful ways, and we want equal opportunities, but we're gonna go about it our own way, so it's finding what is your super power as a woman, and I do think with women, this is good.

Women love to be over prepared and over -qualified for things before we do it.

I'm working on this new bit about, I say a lot of men are pilots because no women would just wake up and be like, I could fly a plane.

Like she would have to be like, so good at flying planes to finally be like, can I fly a plane?

And then I joke, like if women flew planes we'd literally be lost all the time and like need snacks and stuff like that.

But anyway, it's multifaceted.

So I think with women, stop waiting to be like over prepared to do something.

Good advice. And I think so many men will just be like a little bit confident and be like, I'll figure it out where women, And like even at job interviews, I feel like men will be like, I'll figure it out where girls will have to be so over -prepared to even go into the interview.

Like even when I was like a sports reporter for a second, I had to show that I knew sports so fucking well to even get in the same room where like a dude, they just assume he knows it because it's like sports.

So for girls, I'd say do things you're not qualified for.

I was not qualified to get a Netflix special, but I did it.

If you looked at my resume, you'd say that girl should not have an Netflix special.

But I did, and it was top five on Netflix.

So I think for the girls, don't wait till you're overqualified.

Challenge yourself, and you gain confidence when you're able to do something you didn't know you could do.

That's great advice.

I love that. And your spot on, and I remember looking at the studies a few years ago.

It literally said that if a guy looks at an application and he can do four out of 10 things, he'll apply.

And if a girl looks at it can do eight out of 10 things she won't apply.

I literally have chills yeah I have chills because that is so true and women are so competent but I guess they like there's like a safety thing with it I do have to say something about experience they did a study somewhere I swear this wasn't from TikTok but a study about like doctors and how some new doctors were actually better than doctors who had like 40 years of experience because they were actually like fresher, more open -minded, more up -to -date.

And just how like, just because someone has more experience with you, doesn't necessarily make them better than you at something.

My advice for like, job interviews is I would go in and be like, I don't have the year's experience you want, but these are all the ideas I have of what I'm going to do.

So don't wait till you're over -qualified.

Like do things you're under -qualified for and see what you're capable of.

So needed. That's great advice, I love that, Hannah.

I love that. Hannah, if your younger self was to look at you now, If you were to go meet her and she saw you having the Netflix smash show, doing what you're doing today, touring, what do you think she'd say?

She wouldn't imagine it, but I feel like she'd be like, That's awesome.

I do think there was a time when I was like 24 and I was in sales or something, and one of my cousins said like he was going to move to LA to be an actor, and I remember getting like a guttural jealousy that I was like not expecting.

And looking back, I was like, why are you jealous that your cousin's moving LA to do acting?

That's insane. You don't even want to be an actress.

But deep, deep down I did.

And I like, didn't admit it to myself because it's like a lot to admit that you want to be a performer or want your dreams. It's scary to say what dreams you want.

For anyone who's feeling like a jealousy towards something, that's the universe telling you you wanna do it.

And it's crazy that years later now, like I'm getting into acting and I tried so hard to fight it, but the universe was like, you're not doing that.

You're not doing that until I got in this lane.

I like to say, even though I've never surfed, it's like surfing, where like, when you find the right wave it's gonna feel easier and you're gonna love it.

It's gonna be fun. So, like find your wave. That jealousy point is so clear.

I feel like we're living at a time where it's so scary to share your dreams with someone else because you're scared it might remind them that they're not chasing theirs, and you're scared that they may react and tell you not to chase it because they don't believe in you, and the truth is, they never had the strength to even give themselves the worth to chase theirs.

And then at the same time, you're scared of hearing it because it might remind you of the doubt you already have in your own abilities and the fears you already have and the insecurities you have that it's not possible for you.

And it creates a really messy situation in society, I feel, because you have less people wanting to chase their dreams, less people rooting for them and less people admitting what their dreams are.

And that feels like a really bad place to live where dreams are becoming buried deeper and deeper and deeper inside someone's soul and never gets seen.

Yes. And so if someone's feeling that, and they're feeling that jealousy which you so beautifully said could be a sign or a signal or that that's what you wanna do, what would you say is the first three steps someone should take?

If they think they have a crazy dream, they may never have done it before.

They don't really get it, but they feel that deep inside of them, it's always been there.

I was always obsessed with successful people.

Like I look at Rihanna, and I'm like, what is different about her than other people?

And when you strip it down, it always starts with, she tried.

Like 80 % of it is being like, I want to be this and I'm gonna do it.

And then I like to literally sit down and say something crazy, like, okay, I want to get a Netflix special.

Then I literally go backwards of all the things you have to do to get there.

Okay, to get a Netflix special, you'd have to perform in front of someone at Netflix.

How do you do that?

You'd have to be selling out theaters.

How do you do that?

You'd have to get JFL.

How do you get JFL?

You'd have to go in the clubs.

How do you get in the clubs?

You'd have to start writing.

How do you start writing by doing it tomorrow?

So then it's like, you literally have the path and it starts so small.

And I think so many people don't wanna go through the whole path.

And then when you think about it, it's like, you just have to go do it.

It's actually a lot less overwhelming when you think I just have to write tomorrow then be like, I've seen a Netflix special in two years but realistically I got a Netflix special in like five years of comedy, plus COVID, which is crazy.

But it's cause that wasn't the plan.

It was just, I wanted to be myself and have fun doing comedy.

Yeah, it's so funny, seven years ago, I had a production company reach out to me from LA, did seen my first ever video that had gone viral, and they loved it and they'd reached out and said we wanna build a TV show around you.

And so I was like, I couldn't believe it because I'd just start creating content and had a viral video and I thought that was cool enough as it was.

So anyway, I flew to LA on my own dime, I didn't have a lot of money then, sat down, had meetings, went back and forth, worked on creative on top of my day job, came back to pitch it again on my own dime, like I was trying to figure out how I was going to do it.

We pitched it and no one wanted the show, but I built loads of great relationships.

And so I built all these great relationships at streamers, production companies, became really good friends with some of them, but no one liked the show idea that we had.

And it's so funny because I always look at that and I go, I'm so glad that an idea that I didn't fully own, that wasn't fully mine, got rejected because then I built this.

Even though at the time we probably were like, I didn't make it!

Yeah, at the time it felt like everything was going wrong but that was the big moment and I fumbled it somehow.

Yeah. Like, right? I felt like I fumbled a TV show.

You just felt like you just dropped the ball.

Yeah, you were like, that was my moment and that's it.

When life has like so many moments, one of my favorite things to tell people is, especially like video creation, people will be like, I think, what if I told you the 15th video you post is gonna go viral, how quickly would you post the next video?

I kind of am obsessed with the gritty work.

It was this concept, I think like with tennis, people would say like, when are you practicing when people aren't watching?

Are you practicing in the rain, like that type of like sports stuff?

So I feel like, yeah, people will go and do the flashy stuff, but I think I get ahead because I'm doing this boring stuff that people don't wanna do.

So when you realize like, oh, someone got a Netflix special because they did the little tedious things that are actually anyone could do.

It's just people don't want to do it.

So it's like put your head down and like you can accomplish anything.

Well said, Hannah, it has been such a joy talking to you, honestly.

That makes so much fun.

This is actually like the shit I love talking about.

I mean, I'm like we have to do this again.

I feel like a motivational speaker, but just through like queef jokes, but like I actually feel connected to you because I love through my jokes inspiring people to see the world differently, even though it's not that serious at all, but I do like motivating and I love coaching and I love making people inspired in some way.

Yeah, well I think everything you shared today has been super powerful, and I know my community is going to love it.

You bring it out of me.

No, I love it. You brought it.

You brought it. We end every episode with a Final Five, a fast five that we ask to all guests.

So Hannah Bernard, these are your fast five.

Okay. Question number one, What is the best advice you ever heard or received?

Oh, I like this quote that says, even when it's raining, the hoop is always there.

Not to give like more sports quotes.

But it's basically like, you're not seeing it, but like you're actually okay.

And the world is your oyster.

There's a cloud right now.

Yeah, I love that. Second question, what is the worst advice you ever heard or received?

Probably people who just think they know better than you about your own life, and like telling you based on their own experiences when you're completely different to be like I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Well you're not me, so.

Question number three, what is something you think people don't know about you?

People probably would not be surprised, they heard, but I'm like really messy, like I have trouble keeping the home, like, okay and I, but I lean into it and I'll be like I'm a creative, but like some of my friends are so organized and I'm so jealous of them but like I will always go to edit a video before putting the dishes away, and then I will never put the dishes away, so I'm kind of like don't have my shit together in the home.

I love it. Wait, what star set are you?

Leo, sun, Virgo Moon, but clearly just about work, and Scorpio Rising.

Okay, oh wow, you know all of it.

Wow, alright, question number four, apart from your astrologer, was it that you DM?

Oh yeah. Who's the last person you DM'd?

Well, it's probably Paige, my co -host, because after the show we see all of these funny videos from the shows and I'll send it to her and be like, that was funny, that was cute.

So we're just enjoying when we get home looking at all the stories.

I love that. And question number five, you asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show.

If you could create one lore that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

I think children should have more mental health in schools.

Like, I think it should be a law that kids should learn start learning more about like happiness, mindfulness, meditation, I don't know why that wouldn't be in the curriculum when that's like the most important thing to having a happy life.

Mental Health by Hannah Byrne.

Yeah Mental Health.

It's cool. I love it.

Get the kids, start them young.

I love it. Everyone go and watch We Ride At Dawn right now.

And if you don't follow Hannah already make sure you follow her across the Instagram, TikTok, and all of social media.

And I'm so excited for us to continue our friendship.

Yes. Thank you for having me.

Honestly, you are so much fun to talk to.

If you ever want to...

I might have to open for you on one of your live.

Oh my gosh. I would love - oh my God - I would love that.

You're so kind - People would be like, okay!

You're so kind to - oh my gosh that's an honour.

I love that. That's such a kind offer.

That's so sweet. I'm going to take you off on that.

We'll see if your team allows it.

It's up to Elena. She'll definitely allow it.

Hannah Burner everyone, as you can tell, not only Hilariously Funny.

You've got so many great insights, thoughts, wisdom.

I mean, you can drop the mic today.

Thank you, I'm retiring.

I'm amazing. I really hope we get to hear you do more tennis commentary, more sport commentary, like all of it.

Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, I'm excited to see it.

I think I work for ESPN.

Yeah, I love it, Adam Burner, thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you, grateful.

If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.

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[Finding Purpose Through Pivots: A Conversation with Comedian Hannah Berner]-[Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me]

📋 Summary

Embracing the Power of the Pivot

The Wisdom of Quitting

Finding Your "Flow State"

Relationships and Self-Worth

Challenging Gender Norms and Over-Preparation

🎯Key Sentences

📝Key Phrases

📖 Transcript