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Hi, folks.
Ooh, have we got a good show for you today.
My pal Rosie and I will be answering your questions about distractions during meditation, depression during your period and feeling anxious over the start of new semesters.
Here we go.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you could lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace, a podcast where I sit with a meditation teacher and we answer your questions.
Hello, hello, hello, Rosie.
Oh my God, it is so lovely to see you.
Oh, it's always lovely to see you, Robin.
I kind of forced you to say that, but that's all right with my dramatic pause.
Wait, but I have to admit, I have to tell you something.
One of the questions that we are going to answer today, I picked just for you.
And so I will be interested to see.
I'm going to check it at the end of the episode to see if you can figure out which question.
Okay.
I'm excited.
Okay.
All right.
Now, with the challenge accepted by Rosie, I think that we should play our first question from Lucian.
Take a listen.
Hello, my name is Lucian and I am from Maryland.
I've been having some trouble focusing when I meditate.
Whenever I get to the part of the meditation where I count my breath as it rises and falls, I tend to get distracted easily and lose focus of the feeling.
Even though I lose focus of the feeling, I am still somehow counting my breaths, even though I'm not focused on it and I'm thinking about something else.
Is this natural?
And how do I fix this?
Thank you.
I love this question.
But what I love about it is how he's like, is this natural?
And how do I fix this?
I love this question.
That's so true.
I love the answering his own question.
I know.
I know.
I know.
He's like, I don't think it is.
Help me.
Yeah.
And yes, Lucien, I think that you are right on.
It's like correct on both, right?
Yes, it's natural.
And there are ways to mitigate the distraction.
There are ways to practice different types of thought focus when that happens.
But I mean, just to really answer this question in the most basic way, it's totally natural.
It happens all the time.
In fact, the practice of meditation... allows us to become more aware.
And the word meditation, one of the definitions that I love is to become familiar with.
And so the more familiar we become with our own practice and our own tendencies, because we all have them right.
We have those distractions that come in when we're processing a recent thought.
For example, for me, If I'm doing something right before I meditate, I'm going to be processing whatever was happening right before that.
I meditate in the morning, so it might be a dream I was having.
It might be a conversation I had the night before, but that's typically what happens.
So I found that when I do my practice before looking at any phones or Talking to anybody, I'm able to just get into the state of awareness without distraction, and it's more helpful.
Doesn't mean that those thoughts don't come in.
It just means that I'm creating more space to be less distracted.
The other thing that I wanted to say is that going back to the original point, we're becoming more familiar with our own tendencies and our own patterns and I think it's good that you realize that this happens during the breathing portion of the meditation because And Robin, you'll, I'm sure, find this similar as well.
You know, when we have an autonomic response like breathing, it's just happening spontaneously without telling ourselves essentially to breathe.
So we're so familiar with that mechanism that when we're doing it as part of a meditation practice, of course we'll still be paying attention to the breathing, but we're also going to get distracted by following a random thought.
Yeah.
And so...
What Lucian is describing actually is a really present, connected meditation practice, because he's able to see that he's becoming distracted.
Now what he's wanting to fix, now let's address that portion of the question.
How do I fix this?
And it's not necessarily about fixing something because nothing's broken.
Right.
It has more to do with your ability to discern a distracting thought and you just becoming aware of the present moment.
Because our practice is just our awareness of bringing ourselves back to the present.
You know, Andy gives the example of sitting beside a highway and watching cars go by.
And your mind is the highway and your thoughts are these cars driving by.
And so you're sitting there, you are awareness, and you're just observing these cars drive by.
Sometimes we get distracted.
It's like, oh, look at that red car.
It's really cool.
It's got really cool racing stripes on it.
And you're following it, following it.
And then you're like, oh, wait, no, I got to come back and just pay attention to the road.
Right.
I'm not going to get that.
I'm just going to see the cars drive by.
But it's inevitable that we get taken away by traffic.
Right.
So I think you're on your your practice sounds like it's working is all I'm going to say.
One of the reasons I was so interested in this question when I saw it was because the breathing part throws me as well in a slightly different way, in that, like sometimes when I focus on my breath, I feel like I become short of breath.
And it's like I don't know how to get out of that.
Like putting attention on something that's automatic feels very strange sometimes.
If you think about our nervous system right, the parasympathetic nervous system and our sympathetic nervous system.
So the sympathetic nervous system is our fight or flight.
Our parasympathetic nervous system is rest and digest.
So...
For me, the thing I become the most aware of is when I'm holding my breath.
And so because I suffered from debilitating panic attacks.
The breath, focusing on the breath, too much for me.
It gives me anxiety.
It creates a lot of tension and it takes me to the neurological pathway and muscle memory of what it feels like to panic, like not having enough breath.
Because that is what happens for me when I'm emotionally really triggered or in a really bad place.
I don't breathe.
Even as you're describing it, like I could see, as you're describing it, your shoulders come up, you have the shoulder earrings and you're just like when I'm focusing on my breath, because this is like.
It's so familiar for us to be in that state of tension and that state of contraction.
Because think about everything that we do.
We're out in the world.
We're in our minds.
We're thinking about what the next thing is.
How often do we actually get to walk around the world or check an email without having our shoulders in our ears?
Right?
I mean, there's so much going on in the world.
So I think we all need to just collectively give ourselves a break and...
Breathe.
Let's take a deep breath right now, actually.
Take a deep breath in.
Nice long exhale.
Good.
And relax your shoulders.
Relax your throat.
For me anytime I feel like I'm unable to catch my breath.
Even that.
See, for me it just works so easily, because I just tell myself to relax the muscles of my face, relax my throat and relax my shoulders.
And then all of a sudden, my mind just kind of comes down a notch, right?
Yeah.
And that's from years of practice and doing what Lucien did for many years just paying attention and noticing.
Okay yes, I notice.
If I focus on my breath, I become either A distracted or I get anxious.
So what do I do, right?
So for that, the remedy that I've found works for me, and it's worked for a lot of my students, is to reverse engineer it.
It's like relax the body then, right?
Because if the body is tense-
And it's creating tension because you're focusing on the breathing.
Then instead of focusing on the breathing, focus on your body.
Relax your shoulders, sit up tall, chin up, chest up, shoulders rolled back.
Take a beat, take a breath.
And it just creates a different level of groundedness.
Yeah, that's fantastic, Rosie.
I feel the fight in my head, you know, of like, I want to do it properly.
And if they're telling me in a guided meditation to breathe, I want to.
I want to do it exactly how I'm told.
But it's like, I, even as I'm saying that I feel my shoulders coming up.
It's interesting to like, give yourself permission to put our eyes back on the road.
Metaphorically speaking.
Yes.
I love this.
All right.
Well, I feel like, I feel like we just healed the world and we should probably just wrap up the podcast, right?
Everything's good now.
Everything's great.
We just fixed everyone's problems.
Alrighty, now we have got a question from Marcy.
Here we go.
I'm Marcy and I'm from Arizona.
And my question is how to deal with your emotions while you're on your period and the depression, because it gets so overwhelming and I would really want to know.
Thank you.
I mean, that is a straightforward, very direct question that I love.
Marcy, this is such a great question and one that It was very straightforward, right?
She gets very depressed during her period.
And I can so relate to this.
It just takes me right back to my 20s because I remember it very vividly during this time.
And I also think that I attribute what was happening in my life at that time to getting depressed while I was on my period.
Now, disclaimer, I'm not a doctor or a gynecologist or an endocrinologist.
So I can't really speak to the technicality of the relationship between depression and our moon cycle, but I have read a lot of articles and I've read a couple of books of how our endocrine system, how our hormonal system, is affected during this time and how it does for some women.
Affect cause a severe dip in hormonal imbalance and it creates a feeling of depression.
And so when I read about it, I felt really seen and relieved because I thought it was just me.
I don't know.
I'd love to hear your experience with it as well.
I mean, for me during this time, what I will say helped me was... really focusing on self-care.
And what really helped me during this time was focusing on self-care and just allowing myself to be in that experience.
In the beginning, I felt kind of guilty of feeling depressed.
You know, like I'd have to go to work and I was kind of short and quiet.
I didn't feel like talking to people at the time.
I was working with a lot of people and I just felt very insular and I feel like a lot of the times people made me feel guilty because I just wasn't feeling like a number 10, you know.
And so I really think that for a lot of women, just hearing that you are allowed to feel that way and you can self-validate yourself in those moments and And sometimes you just you need to feel your feelings and it's OK.
And it's a natural thing that happens to a lot of women.
Robin, I'm curious what it has been for you.
What I have to say is I'm so glad that Marcy gave us this question, because I think we just don't talk about it enough.
You know what I mean?
And I only recently went to my OB and did a consultation about it.
And I started hormones.
And it has changed my life.
And then finally, when I reached out and I got some help and things started to connect for me, I was like oh no, I was not.
That was hormonal.
And that was one, not my fault.
And I think it's important to not invalidate your feelings because it is happening.
You're not making it up.
And sometimes like a good stiff walk isn't enough.
I'm 100 percent with you because I know I mean.
Look, some women have extremely painful menstruation cycles, like extreme pain.
But I also feel like the female system is so complex.
And I've learned a lot.
I'm the same as you.
I was in perimenopause when I was 37 and I'm 40 and I'm in full-on menopause and I'm also on medication.
And for me, it's like it is night and day.
Night and day.
Night and day.
But again, that's my own experience.
And I think that for everybody, especially if you know yourself, if this is your, your sort of template, and it's, it happens every time it's clockwork.
Like you, you always know you're going into this lull.
There's things that you can do, you know, practice self-care, validate yourself.
It's okay to feel your feelings.
Give yourself the space.
You know if you can get some support.
Maybe that's the week you hang out with your friends, like or or don't in journal or write or go walk in the woods.
You For you, for your heart.
Yeah.
You know, and I'm not saying do something to make yourself feel better.
It's like do what's going to serve your heart.
Yeah.
What's going to make your heart feel full.
And just agreeing with everything Robin said.
I have learned that the number one most important thing that we can do is advocate for ourselves.
Yes.
Do your own research, ask questions, talk to your doctors whether it's your general practitioner doctor or your gynecologist but really, really advocate for yourself, because nobody else is going to do.
I was saying, like Perry and I'm heading into menopause, or maybe I'm in menopause because, like who the hell knows where the definition starts and ends between the one.
I was like I can't, I can't believe.
I'm going to say this out loud, you know, because there's like this whole thing about like being an actress is going to wreck my career.
Is this like I'm calling myself old?
And it's like and I just heard you say that.
And and the weight like my shoulders, like I don't like to get emotional like I'm so happy you said that Rosie, you made me feel so not alone and like the fact that I had that fear to even say that right now is absurd, you know is is that we're in this society.
We feel this way yeah, and I and I want to acknowledge you for saying that Robin, because I feel like this is look, I've I've had this conversation before.
Um, It's something that I've been going through for years and I'm not promoting it all over social media.
Maybe I should, but I think that it's important for even me to call out that shame or that feeling of.
What does that say about me?
Does this mean that I'm whatever?
I don't want to say the words because for me, it's like it's just the next stage of life.
And I feel like we have so many conditioned beliefs of women.
And once we get to this point in our lives, like we're no longer I hate the word.
I don't like I don't even like to use the word hate, but this word, the viable.
Right.
When I was going through like a fertility journey.
Oh, you're not viable.
Your eggs are not viable.
And it's just like the way that they would, the doctors would just talk to you.
It just was so degrading and it just didn't make you feel good, you know?
And I think even even the whole process.
Yeah, it makes you feel less than like I am no longer a woman, right?
Like, I feel like less than and I think it's really important to be able to say that because, upon further review and getting now the right team of doctors that I really appreciate and are really great, and I'm on the right medication.
Yep.
I think it just makes a huge difference.
And I'm so grateful for both Eastern and Western medicine.
And I think it's also a beautiful thing to be able to talk to other women and not feel like It's such a taboo thing.
Absolutely.
I mean.
So we got to give a big shout out to Marcy for just opening up the door and letting us talk about this.
We just went there.
We really did.
I didn't even know we were gonna.
We did.
Thank you, Marcy.
And wait, no, no, I'm letting the cat out of the bag, but you could tell this was the question that I picked for you because we did another interview for this show earlier and you talked somehow... periods came up and you talked about how you like hide from your partner during that time like because you're just like you like duck out because you know maybe you're going to be a little oh yeah I'm like a terrible person I'm a terrible person during this time yeah I'm terrible and it's like when you were saying how you needed to make a couple of apologies I'm like oh no I wake up and choose anger like I wake up and I choose anger every day thank you very much that is the way to be and that's the way I choose to be and and you know by the time I do my practice I'm out of it but it's you know I can be very sharp you know it's it's gotten better now but that's hilarious that you picked that I did you were dangling the carrot and I was like no I don't want to take that I'm going to take it.
Well, Marcy, thank you for that.
Thank you for opening us up.
And I hope that you feel a little less alone now because you clearly are.
I mean, if nothing else, we got to club the three of us.
This is true.
This is true.
All right.
Well, thank you, Marcy.
Let's go on to our next question from Hannah.
Dear Headspace.
My name's Hannah and I'm from New York, and I'm going to be a second year college student starting this fall.
And as the summer is kind of winding down, I've found myself really like mentally kind of cluttered.
Starting in the fall, I have a really big course load this semester.
And on top of like that course load, I'm also going to be balancing one or two on campus jobs just to kind of like help me like make some money while I'm in college and like to help cover like certain costs.
And even though I've been trying to enjoy like the last few weeks of summer and really be with my family, I've found myself really kind of anxious about like starting school and kind of, in a way, dreading it a little bit, just because I get this feeling that once it starts I won't be able to stop.
And that's something that I haven't really felt about school before.
And I was wondering if you had any advice on how to navigate this cluttered, expectant feeling that I have.
Thank you guys for listening.
Have a good one.
Oh, I love that she ended with, have a good one.
I love this question.
Like when I saw it, I was like, oh my God, I know that we're a little bit into October as this is airing, but I was like I still feel like this is such a relevant question, you know, for Hannah and for a lot of people about that.
Whenever you start a new thing, and all the expectations and the and the panic of like how you're going to juggle it all.
Cause it sounds like Hannah's juggling a lot, you know, a full semester, a couple of jobs.
She's in a.
She lives in a city that's busy and fast paced and she knows she's going to start into something.
And that's a lot.
Yeah, that is a lot.
And Hannah, You know, I can't help but think about what lies underneath that, right?
Why we choose to fill our plate with things and tasks and the sort of society that we live in.
That is all about producing and stretching our bands so that we can do the absolute most.
Yeah.
Because college in and of itself is a full-time job, but we don't live in a society where the education is revered in a way where you can just be a student.
It is the reality for many, many, many, many college students that they have to work multiple jobs.
Yeah.
Look, my little sister is 25, and she's getting ready to go into a master's program.
She is essentially doing the same thing.
She's working... two jobs and she's also doing an internship at the school.
And she's always busy.
She's always doing something.
And it's very hard for her to peel time away whenever we're doing a dinner or we're trying to do a gathering or a game night.
She always has to miss it because she's doing something.
Now, I have two feelings about this.
I'm curious what you think.
So On the one hand, I don't know, maybe it's because I'm 40.
I'm like, on one hand, I see it as yeah, like you know, when you're early 20s, mid 20s, you got to pay your dues.
You've got to do what you got to do.
It's your time to plant the seeds and do the work and just focus on the things that you want and really put the work in and really focus on that.
On the other hand, I do see the issues we have in our society of overproduction and stressed out, overwhelmed individuals that oftentimes are completely overworked and overwhelmed.
And there's a ton of expectation put on people in general and also the expectation we put on ourselves.
So, the way that I see it, from my perspective, my experience, and just as a mindfulness teacher, where's the balance of the two right?
How could we get to the middle path of it, where we can utilize the time that we have, regardless of your age, you know.
Utilize the time that you have for the task that you have set for yourself to really focus on it and do the work that you need to do to accomplish whatever said goal, that is?
And also maintain the balance of your mental health, your emotional health and your overall well-being.
Yeah, yeah.
Right?
Right.
Yeah, that's so interesting because it's like we live in a multitasking world.
Do you know there's no such thing as multitasking?
Yes.
Well, you're just doing one thing and then you're quitting that thing and starting another thing, and then you're quitting that thing and starting another thing.
What you're doing is just frantically hopping from thing to thing.
Yeah.
Like I'm yes anding you, Rosie.
Like I yes, and to all that you said, but I also am thinking of it from the point of view of there is the facts and then the story or the emotion.
Like, so the facts are you have this schedule and the schedule sounds busy.
And even if you can be really smart about your schedule and even if you can prioritize and put things in their proper place, it's still a busy schedule.
Then there is the other side of it, which is the, I hate to say like, what are you making it mean?
But then, like, the frenzy around it.
Yeah, I love everything that you said because it goes right back to how are you treating yourself during this time?
Yeah.
How are you supporting yourself while you're in the midst of this very productive time?
Yeah.
And also... can you discern when too much is too much?
Yes, that is a really great point.
Like, do you need to be doing every single thing you're doing?
Yeah.
And I think that that, in my experience, has been a lot of trial and error, right?
I'm sure you can relate to this.
It's okay.
I know that if I'm going to do X, Y and Z, I know that that other project is not going to happen.
I can have the best intentions and say yes, because I'm a yes person and I'm a recovering people pleaser.
But also I know that it's not going to happen because it's a tried and true test of this is historically what I've been able to manage.
Yeah.
And I know that it's just I'm unable to do it.
But you only get to the state of discernment when you have the experience.
So maybe, Hannah, this is your time to really investigate and discern what What works for you?
You know, are all of these things absolutely necessary for you to be doing?
And if it's not perhaps, then the next addendum to that is Why do you feel the need to over commit yourself?
Yeah.
Right.
Or to just commit to too many things.
I know for me, it's like I'm the same as you, Robin.
I like to say yes.
I like to have a lot of what is it like?
I like to spin a lot of plates at the same time.
I feel like you have to self-motivate and you know, sometimes things don't work and it's like throwing spaghetti at the wall.
So like the more things you have going on at some point, one or two things might actually pan out.
And if you're really lucky, everything that you're working on will pan out.
But at that point, it's like, I'll deal with that when it happens, you know?
Yeah.
So, yeah, I think it's a really great awareness that you have, Hannah.
And I really hope that you can just take some time.
I mean, you've probably already started your fall semester.
What I want to say is just allow yourself to examine your time, examine how you feel, really give yourself the space to ask yourself if something is a full on yes or a hell no.
Yeah yeah, you know, and it's like if you can answer those questions, that'll really help you discern what needs to be there and what needs to go.
Well, here's what I know, Hannah and this is what I think is amazing is, like I said, we're in production a little earlier on this than when this airs.
So when you hear the answer to this question Hannah, you have to tell us how it all is going for you and let us know if there's anything in here that you're able to implement.
And, you know, we'd love to hear at the end of the semester, like, how'd you do?
So you're going to get an email from me with your 90 day free Headspace code for, you know, for being on the show.
That's a great opportunity to let us know how it's going.
Yes, Hannah, I'd love to hear how it's been going for you.
And I hope that what we said here today helped you.
And we are sending vibes your way.
Slow down, Hannah.
It's all okay.
It's going to be fine.
Hannah, you're doing great.
Well anyway, what I know is that you me, we're going to begin implementing monthly depression techniques.
We're going to be reaching out to all the doctors.
We're starting now.
Yes, we're starting now.
Right now.
Right now.
Right now.
But no.
On another note, this conversation today reminded me of a course I did not that long ago on the app about handling sadness.
It was coming to mind during some of the conversations we were having today.
And it's a course on the app with Andy and I highly recommend.
Oh, that sounds amazing.
And I do want to give a huge, huge thank you to Lucien, Marcy, and Hannah for your questions today.
We couldn't have made the show without you.
We are so honored that you all trust us to share what's happening in your lives.
And for the rest of you listening.
If you have a burning question that you would like help with, all you have to do is head over to sayhichat slash, Dear Headspace.
Follow those prompts to record your question.
That link is, of course, in the show notes.
But if we use your question in the show, you are going to get three months of free Headspace.
That is so awesome.
Now, before everyone leaves us.
We've built in some time at the end of the show, so you have an opportunity to sit with all you've heard.
Or maybe you just want to use this time to help transition you into the next part of your day.
Either way, take a listen to the soothing sounds of a stream recorded in an orchard.
And while you do...
Let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
So till next time, stay happy, stay healthy.
And be kind to each other.
Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast.
It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones, and Scott Sorenson.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sarah Cohn, Barron Farmer, and Danny Karisamy.
Our production coordinator is Taylor Jennings-Brown.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Kaysonga Gaskombe, Dora Kamau, Samantha Snowden, Eve-Louise Prieto and Rosie Acosta.
Post-production is by Dan Kroll.
Music is by Scott Sorensen and Chris Mergia.
And a special thanks to Colleen Lutz.
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