Lemonada.
Hey, Story Pirates podcast listeners, Lee here.
On today's episode, the Story Pirates road trip continues with a visit to a delightful roadside cherry orchard.
And another visit to a delightful roadside cherry orchard.
And finally, a visit to a delightful roadside cherry orchard.
Plus, we have a fantastic special guest, the hilarious comedian Hari Kondabolu.
And of course, we have two brand new stories written by kids and more story love with Lee and Peter.
And it's all coming up after a few words for the grown-ups.
Okay, story pirates, time to wrap up our pit stop.
Cherry pit stop, that is.
Here at Stone Fruit's world-famous roadside cherry stand, right in the heart of cherry country.
Oh, just one last look at these beautiful cherries.
Are these Cavaliers?
I don't know about these cherries, Demony, but I'm certainly going to be Cavalier about eating them.
Peter, I meant the famous cherry variety, but you knew you.
Oh, look at the time.
We better get back on the highway.
Can you hand me the map?
Sure.
But first let me wipe this cherry pie filling off my chin with this paper covered in drawings of roads and landmarks.
Peter, no!
Ah.
That was the map, wasn't it?
You got cherry pie filling all over it.
I can't navigate us back to the highway with a messed up map.
Can you navigate, Rachel?
Who, me?
I would love to, but I can't.
No, I'm not afraid I'll be bad at it.
I'm sure I'll be very good.
It's just that I'm on a deadline.
I'm writing a book that's the true story of an armoire.
It's called Memoir Moire.
And I can't navigate.
Um, because I have to memorize the entire works of Anton Chekhov right now for reasons.
And I can't navigate because I'm holding all these cherry pies.
I shall do it.
I, Eric, world-renowned treasure hunter and explorer, shall navigate us without a map.
And I won't tell anyone that I'm using my GPS.
What was that?
Nothing, Megan.
I certainly didn't say anything about relying on technology.
Oh, okay.
But it would be fine if you did.
We all use technology to help sometimes.
Not me.
Okay, well, we are all going to go pay for our various cherry items while you go and start the ship.
Oh, yeah, I'll take that.
I'm getting to it.
Oh, yeah.
I was close.
Now to boot up my always reliable GPS.
Error.
No signal.
GPS.
Unreliable.
Oh, no.
My GPS isn't working.
We're doomed.
Eric, did you just say we were doomed?
Nope.
I said we're broomed.
I uh, I swept up the ship earlier, so everything is nice and clean for me to better navigate my natural-born navigational skills.
Great.
You want us to grab you a jar of cherry jam?
Please.
All right, Eric.
You're lost somewhere in cherry-growing country.
Your GPS is broken.
You have to do the one thing you thought you'd never do.
Ask for directions.
It just filled me up with joy.
My mom loves the jokes.
Yo, yo, my check.
It made me very proud about my writing.
Hey, wait, I'm going to come out of this thing.
I definitely think I can be more creative now.
I'm the champion.
The Sully Pirates.
Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast.
Where we take stories written by kids.
And turn them into sketch comedy.
And songs.
Eric, are you about ready to navigate us back to the highway?
Absolutely.
Just one more minute.
Not to rush you, Eric, but we do need to get moving.
Even though I mentioned my book deadline earlier as an excuse not to navigate, the deadline is real.
Oof, I can't wait to read Memoir Moi.
French furniture pieces lead the most interesting lives.
Wait until you read the sequel.
Don't go chaise-longing waterfalls.
That's right.
I did the French pronunciation, but I'm keeping the pun.
I need a distraction.
Hey, everyone, should we do a story right now?
Yeah!
There's always time for a story.
Awesome.
And here to introduce it is the author.
Hi, I'm Aviva and I'm 12 years old.
And I'm June and I'm 10 years old.
We live in California.
This is our story.
Hair Hospital.
Hair Hospital.
People who care.
If you are injured and need awesome care.
We really love you a lot.
Has this ever happened to you?
Oh no!
I have a broken leg and a hair crisis.
I can't drive to the hair salon.
Because of my foot.
It's part of her leg And I can't go to the hospital Because of my hair, Her hair crisis.
Oh, my poor foot and my leg and my hair.
What am I gonna do?
They're taking a braid and in need of repair Well, you should come down to the... Yes?
You should come down to the... The what?
You should come down to the... I'm waiting!
What is it?
Just give me two minutes to check my email.
Three hours later.
Oh, here it is.
You should come down to the hair hospital if you need aid.
We'll do some blood work and give you a fade.
Are we still on that?
Yes, we're still on that.
Sorry, it took me three hours to find it in my email.
Your tips come to hair hospital also.
The coffee is fine.
Hair hospital punching the gullet.
We'll do a cat stand and throw in a mow.
For more info and the liability waiver, dial this number.
5, 5, 5 and a 5, 5, 5.
5, 5, 55.
One more time.
5, 5, 5 and a 5, 5, 5.
5, 5, 55.
Actually, let's do it again.
5, 5, 5 and a 5, 5, 5.
5, 5, 55.
Warning.
Be wary of lice, fleas, bird poop, short snap, and mad scientists.
We really love you a lot at the Hair Hospital.
Yeah!
55.
Yes!
That was an incredible story.
And the perfect distraction.
Now I can ask the owner of this cherry stand for directions without anyone knowing.
I'm lost without my GPS.
Excuse me, sir.
Hello there.
Are you the owner of this fruit stand?
Why, yes, I am.
Name's Dieselman Stonefruit.
Put her there, partner.
Oh, okay.
I'll shake your hand.
Ow!
Strong grip.
It's from pitting the fruit.
I own, operate, and do the taxes of Stone Fruit's world-famous roadside cherry stand.
Neat.
So... That's this very cherry stand we're standing at right now.
Yeah?
Anyway, um, my friends and I are... lost.
Oh my goodness.
Is this a cherry stand or a pickle stand?
Because you've got yourself in a real dilly of a pickle.
Yeah, so here's the thing.
I can't let my friends know I'm lost.
Can you please give us directions back to the highway, but quietly?
I see.
Your secret's safe with me.
Wink!
Though when you say wink instead of just winking, it draws more attention to this whole conversation.
Ah, my bad.
Anyway, you take East River on down towards Fife Lake.
Go on down past the cherry trees, keep going down, turn left, take another left and you'll be on your way before you know it.
Thank you so much, Mr. Stonefruit.
Call me Dieselman.
It's my name.
Bye-bye now.
Alright, pirates.
Let's board our ship and be on our way.
I'm so full of pie.
I'm so full of concern that we're falling behind schedule.
It's a good thing we have a world-renowned treasure hunter navigating us back on course.
Yep, that's me.
No devices, no map, just pure Eric know-how.
And I know how to get us back to the highway.
Take East River down toward Fife Lake.
Go down past the cherry trees, keep going down, turn left, take another left.
It's that easy.
Alright, let's go!
Hey, while we're driving, anyone have suggestions on how to pass the time?
How about you, baby with a mustache?
Oh, of course I do.
Watch this!
Mama's little baby loves shortland shortland.
Mama's little baby loves shortland bread.
Mama's little baby loves shortland shortland.
Mama's little baby loves shortland bread Yeah.
Oh, wow.
That looks pretty good.
Topical.
Great job, baby with the mustache.
You really made time fly by.
Now to take that second left and... Huh, that's weird.
We're at another cherry stand.
Bye!
I mean... We might as well get off the ship and check it out.
This looks familiar.
Is this the same cherry stand?
Nah, couldn't be.
This is cherry country, Lee.
There's gotta be a hundred cherry stands just like the one we stopped at.
There's no way this one is owned by... Well, hello there.
Dieselman stone fruit?
What are you doing popping up from behind that rack of 100% pure tart cherry juice?
Made from the freshest cherries!
Who wants to try some?
Me!
Eric, did you accidentally navigate us back to the same cherry stand?
That is really good.
Of course I didn't accidentally navigate us back to the fruit stand.
You think that I, a world-renowned treasure hunter, would get us lost?
Yeah, that wouldn't make sense.
This juice is incredible.
Are these bings?
Actually, they're Montmorencys.
I navigated back here totally on purpose because because I forgot to buy sour cherry candy for my cherry charcuterie board.
Well, you can't do cherry charcuterie without sour candy.
The flavor profile is all wrong.
Cherry charcuterie?
You didn't shorten it to chair-cuterie?
No, because then I'd get it confused with Rachel's book, Chair-cuterie, A History of Cute Chairs.
A book so nice, they discontinued it.
Twice.
While I talk to Dieselman here about cherries and nothing else, why don't the rest of you look at more cherry products?
Now that you're distracted.
Hey, I got a bone to pick with you, Dieselman.
A bone to pick, eh?
Not a cherry to pick?
Because if there's one pick I'd pick, it's cherry picking.
Hey, want to try some cherry nut mix?
No.
Well, actually, yes.
Oh, delicious.
But you gave me bad directions.
Oh, gosh, did I?
Awful sorry about that.
Here, take some chocolate-covered cherries and cherry salsa as my way of saying sorry about that.
Thanks, but... And I'll set you up with new directions.
Get your right as rain.
You take East River away from Five Flames, go down past the cherry trees, keep going down, turn right, another right and you'll be on your way before you know it.
I guess I have no choice but to follow these directions.
Okay, pirates, all aboard.
Ooh, look at Eric's cherry haul.
I can't wait to try that cherry charcuterie board.
Uh, here you take them.
Oh wow.
Now back to the highway, guided by me navigator, and explorer.
Extraordinaire baby with a mustache, take it away.
Mama's little baby loves shortland, shortland.
Mama's little baby loves shortland bread.
Mama's little baby loves shortland, shortland.
Mama's little baby loves shortland bread.
Woo-hoo!
Yeah!
Somehow even better the second time around.
And now we're... Whoa!
Back at the cherry stand?
Hello there.
Oh, no.
We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-ups.
Hey, grown-ups!
Today's episode is sponsored by Quince.
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And then I wore the same sweater home and my family was like hey, do you have something fancy today?
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They didn't say anything for like a full minute.
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Eric is everything okay, absolutely.
You all wait on the ship while i deal with something, something.
Did you want to be more specific?
Nope, welcome back.
Life without cherries.
Gave you the scaries, made you quite wary.
Your fears stem from no cherries enough.
Uh okay, mr strong fruit, you gave me bad directions again.
Oh gosh, that wasn't very neighborly of me.
Let me make it up to you with some of our famous cherry summer sausage.
Just the directions, please.
Of course.
You take Fife River away from East Lake.
Go on up before the cherry trees start.
Keep going up.
Turn left.
Turn right.
Turn right.
Turn right.
Turn right.
Turn left.
Turn right.
Turn right.
Stay straight.
Turn straight.
And you'll be on your way before you know it.
Thank you.
And I will take that cherry summer sausage and see you again.
Never.
Everything okay, Eric?
Fine.
We're fine.
And nobody ask any follow-ups.
Okay.
We're back on the road.
Baby with the mustache, start singing.
The role I was born to play.
Mama's little baby.
What in tarnation?
Eric.
We all love the cherry stand, but did we need to come back a fourth time?
There's a very good reason I did this, Nemony.
I just need to go find out what it is.
You there, with the mustache.
Hello there.
Where is Dieselman Stonefruit?
Who?
Oh, you must have this cherry stand confused with another roadside cherry stand.
I'm Sneaselman Clonefruit, owner of Clonefruit's world-famous roadside cherry stand.
You can clearly see I'm not the guy who gave you bad directions on account of the mustache.
That does make sense.
But let me just see something.
A fake mustache!
You are Dieselman Stonefruit.
All right, you got me.
It's true.
What's with the bad directions, Dieselman?
Well, look, I'm lonely, okay?
It's the end of cherry season, and I'm not getting a lot of business.
It's boring.
I don't have anyone to talk to, except for cash register bot 5000.
Welcome to stone fruit's world famous roadside cherry stand.
All it ever asked me is whether i'm paying cash or credit.
I'm not paying robot, i own the cherry stand.
I thought if you kept coming back we might become friends, maybe even hang out like Two cherries in a pod.
Cherries don't grow in pods.
Not the ones you know about.
Are you paying cash or credit?
I said not now, Cash Register Bot 5000!
So, cash register bot, 5,000 helps you?
Yeah.
Couldn't run the cherry stand without it.
And you're not embarrassed to tell people that?
Why would I?
In fact, I think having help makes me even better at what I do.
Huh.
You know, Dieselman, I think you might have just blown my mind.
Will you come aboard the ship with me?
I've got something I want to tell the rest of the story pirates.
Nothing would make me happier.
Hey, Eric.
And hey, cherry stand owner guy.
Call me Dieselman.
It's my name.
I brought Dieselman here on board the ship because, well...
Why the hesitation, Eric?
It's almost as if you have something embarrassing to admit to everyone on board the ship.
The thing is, I don't know where we're going.
I'm not a natural-born navigator, okay?
When you all found me in my one-man submarine, I had been lost underwater for weeks.
I rely on my GPS, but I couldn't get a signal down there and I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn't navigate without it.
There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Eric.
Everyone needs help sometimes, even for the stuff that we're good at.
Like how Nimany is helping me with editing Memoir Moi.
Or how Lee is helping me memorize my checkoff lines.
Or how I help myself to all these pies, or how Dieselman here is going to help me navigate as my new friend.
Friend?
Really?
You mean it?
Absolutely.
You've been so generous with all your cherry wares and you help me realize it's okay that I need a little help navigating.
Oh, gosh.
Look at me blush like a cherry.
Well, it's easy to get back to Route Zero.
It's literally right behind you.
Oh, that's embarrassing.
And that's okay.
Thank you so much, friend.
But I feel bad leaving you here, Dieselman.
You know, without a friend to hang out with.
Well, well, well, if it isn't my old frenemy, Dieselman Stonefruit.
Sneaselman clone fruit, as I live and breathe.
Wait, Sneaselman clone fruit is real?
I'm going to need a ride back to my cherry stand, Sneaselman.
You got it, Dieselman.
I guess a frenemy is a kind of friendship.
Should we do another story?
Yeah!
And here to introduce it is the author.
My name is Fritz.
I'm 11 years old and I live in Germany.
This is my story, the real reason why dinosaurs went extinct.
Since the dawn of time, humanity has wanted to answer the biggest questions where do we come from?
What is out there in this great big world of ours?
Why is bedtime always so early?
Welcome to science.
I'm your host, fancy accent guy.
Today we will be discussing the real reason dinosaurs went extinct and, as always, if i don't like the answer my guests provide, i'll what?
Throw them into a pit for spicy stuff, which is Mighty, mighty spicy.
Now, please welcome our first guest, Scientist One.
I'm sorry, I heard something about a very deep pit full of spicy stuff.
No, you didn't.
Now, Scientist One, tell us, what is the real reason the dinosaurs went extinct?
Well Guy, fossil records and other DNA evidence we've uncovered shows it might have gone something like this
Just kidding.
Good morning, Stegosaurus.
Good morning, T-Rex.
Hey, what should we get up to today?
I just feel like there's nothing to do on Earth.
I know.
It's all hunt and roar and hunt and roar and hunt and roar, and then sometimes go to a birthday party for a dinosaur.
You're not even really that close with.
Well, I know what we could do.
Let's say it together.
Okay.
One, two, three.
Get in a spaceship and go to space, because there's so much more to do out there for a dinosaur.
With a dream in their heart and a lot of free time, since they learned that it's pretty easy to survive as an apex predator.
And away we go.
And so you see, the dinosaurs never returned to Earth.
Wrong.
What do you mean, wrong?
Your answer is wrong.
Which I know, as I have a fancy accent.
And that means I know science.
Now, you get dunked in the spicy stuff pit.
I don't understand.
Where am I?
What is this place?
Mmm, hot and spicy queso?
Yum science, and we still don't know the real reason dinosaurs went extinct.
But i know my viewers trust me to get the answers.
That's why we have our next guest.
It's scientist.
Two pleasure to be here.
Come sit over here by this trap door.
I mean front door, i mean chair.
Okay, i do love chairs.
Now scientists too.
Tell us what is the real reason dinosaurs went extinct.
I think the most likely event was something like this.
Whoa, check it out, Stegosaurus.
We made it all the way to space.
There are so many cool things we can do in space.
Explore new planets.
See whether there's life on them.
Watch a star twinkle from just a few feet away.
So many things.
What do you think we should do?
I think we should stick magnets on the whole spaceship.
But why?
Why go even further into space when we could bring space closer to us?
Is that how magnets work?
Yes.
Look at this magnet I brought that looks like a brontosaurus.
Whoa, cool.
Let's stick on the magnets.
Done.
Now our spaceship is covered in magnets and more attractive than ever before.
I guess I don't really know what that does for us, though.
But wait, what's that in the distance?
I think it's a tennis ball.
No, it's bigger than that.
A basketball?
Medicine ball?
Hundred-foot marble.
A giant boulder that's moving very quickly towards us?
A marble the size of a skyscraper!
A meteorite!
It's attracted to the ship!
And I'm in love with it!
Whoa!
And in the end, it did end up hitting the dinosaurs, causing them to go extinct.
So your scientific conclusion is that somebody stuck some magnetic stuff onto the dinosaur spaceship, causing the meteorite to be attracted to it and fall in love with the ship.
Yes.
I see.
Wrong!
What?
You get dunked in the spicy stuff pit and need to eat it.
My answer was pure revenge!
Can anyone hear me?
Yeah, I'm right here in the spicy stuff pit.
It's actually pretty nice.
Wish I had some chips, though.
Hey, can you send down some chips?
Pita chips would be great.
Well, audience.
We still don't know the real reason dinosaurs went extinct, but I assure you I will interview as many scientists as it takes.
Because this is science.
Please welcome our next guest.
They are someone I met outside the studio who knew what a beaker was.
Please welcome Scientist 3.
Uh, hello.
Tell us, what is the real reason dinosaurs went extinct?
Um, the thing is, now that I've seen the trapdoor, I kind of don't want to say my answer anymore.
So I'm sorry, you have no choice.
But it feels like there's no way for me to be right, so... Wrong!
I actually think it was an ice age of some kind!
Oof!
Oh, hey.
What's up, Doc?
Did you bring chips?
Not to worry, dear science viewers.
I will not let you down.
If it takes me all day, all night and a full montage, I will find the real reason the dinosaurs went extinct.
Here we go.
Scientist number 100, tell me, why did the dinosaurs go extinct?
They all went into the sea and became walruses?
Wrong.
Scientist number 200.
They couldn't find enough food because the saber-toothed tigers got to it first.
Wrong.
Scientist number 300.
They decided to all leave at once so they could seem mysterious and cool.
Three billion spicy stuff pit dunks later.
And now introducing literally the last person who knows anything, literally anything at all about science on this Earth Scientist 300, Septillion Two.
No, I won't do it.
This is ridiculous.
If the smartest scientists in the world couldn't figure this out, how could I, buddy?
I don't know anything about dinosaurs.
Certainly don't know why they went extinct.
I'm not your guy.
I'm scientist 300 Subtilian 2.
That's correct.
What?
All I said was, I'm scientist 300 septillion two.
Which is the correct answer to the question, what's the real reason dinosaurs went extinct?
I'd never thought about it like that before, but it makes perfect scientific sense.
Oh, I don't get it, but okay.
What do I win?
You get 300 septillion two euros.
I love euros.
Really?
Nope.
Oh.
Earlier, when I said that the correct answer was your name, I lied.
It actually isn't the answer.
Into the pit?
If you insist.
No, that's not what I... Hey, there's enough of us to have a conference.
You see, the truth about the real reason the dinosaurs went extinct is that they are not.
Dinosaurs are coming for you.
Just kidding.
Or am I?
Thanks for watching, Science.
I've been Fancy Accent Guy.
Oh, excuse me.
The end!
And now, Lee speaks with the author.
Okay, Fritz, so first thing I need to know is about Fancy Accent Guy.
Is he like on a TV show or what's the context that you imagined for what you wrote?
I kind of imagined it more like a club kind of.
And the club just happens to have a pit of spicy stuff that everyone potentially can fall in.
Yeah.
So tell me more about Fancy Accent Guy.
What gives him the power to do this to all the different people who have ideas?
It was the small print.
For joining the club, they needed to sign something and there was a small print.
The fancy accent guy has the right to throw you all in the spicy stuff pit.
That is a good lesson.
Always read the small print when you are signing up for clubs.
Yep.
What exactly is in the spicy stuff pit?
Like what are the ingredients in there?
Well, for that part, my dad always eats like this spicy, crunchy red pepper flakes.
He puts it on like food.
And then, yeah, that's how I thought of it.
So do you know why dinosaurs went extinct?
And I promise if you don't, I won't put you into a spicy stuff pit.
No, I don't.
Really, no.
Well, no.
Well, sorry to say, I lied when I said I wasn't going to put you in the spicy stuff pit.
Oh, now I'm scared.
Here we go!
Ah!
How did you open this door in the ground?
Oh, I just pressed this button right here.
Where did you even get the money for all of this?
I've been saving up.
Is there anything that you want to share to convince me to let you out of this pit before we go?
Story Pirates is my favorite podcast.
Oh, all right.
You can get out.
Yeah.
Um, how exactly?
And that's all we have time for today.
Thank you so much for joining us, Fritz.
And thanks for letting us perform your story.
Hey, wait.
I want to come out of this bed.
Bye-bye.
We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-ups.
Welcome back to Story Love, where we take stories written by kids and we read them.
My name is Lee.
My name is Peter.
And together we are... Peter and Lee!
So, the Story Pirates, we get tens of thousands of stories a year.
And we respond to every single one.
Some of them we get to put on our podcast.
And some of them we talk about in this segment...
Story love.
This is all true.
Peter, I'm going to read our first story, if that's okay with you.
It is very okay.
Okay.
From a six-year-old named Ethan in Canada, this is called Robot Haircut.
Ooh.
And first of all, this is probably the most incredible drawing I've ever seen.
It is wild.
There's so much going on here.
First of all obviously, the centerpiece is this seven faced monster.
I love this guy at the very bottom right yes, with the multiple eyes.
A lot of eyes, lots of arms and legs yes, just maybe tentacle hair.
Ethan, if this was the only thing you submitted to us, it would still be one of the best things i've ever seen.
All right, here's the story, though.
Once upon a time, there was three monsters that destroyed a Yeti and people.
And then they get to the city and they took everyone's money to buy paper and rocks and scissors.
And by accident, they all gave each other a haircut.
Now you know what my first reaction to this story was, which is This is an origin story for the game Rock Paper Scissors.
Oh, how so?
Well, this is a story everyone used to tell each other about the time that all the monsters came and they destroyed the Yeti.
They went to the city and people kept telling the story over and over and then it turned into a game and it just kept getting simplified.
And today, all we remember is...
Rock, paper, scissors.
But we don't remember the tragic events that led to its creation.
Wow.
That's a really interesting theory.
Here's my interpretation.
Yes.
The monsters were in their monster dimension, wherever it is.
And they looked over into our dimension, just as two kids were playing rock paper scissors oh, and they were like that's the most valuable thing.
Um, this is how they do battle.
This is, you know what the currency is.
And so when they came, they were like give us all your rock paper scissors And jokes on them that they stole all that money to buy rocks.
Right.
Rocks are free.
That's true.
But how do you give an accidental haircut?
That's what I want to know.
Oh, that's a good point.
And by accident, they gave each other haircuts.
I know why.
Because they were like, give us your money.
Oh, we're going to buy all that paper and all those rocks and all these scissors.
Whoa.
Right, right, right.
Boo.
I think you explained it very well.
Yeah.
Ethan, absolute genius, my friend.
Thank you so much for sending this in.
Lee, I'm going to read this next story if that's okay with you.
Please do.
This story was written by a 12-year-old from California named Quinn.
And Quinn's story is called...
The soggy sandwich.
The soggy sandwich.
Are you hungry?
Are you thirsty?
Get the soggy sandwich.
The soggy sandwich package comes with one, a sandwich.
Two, a bag of water.
And three, instructions.
Step one, take out the sandwich.
Step two, dunk the sandwich in the water.
Step three, leave it in there for eight hours.
Step four, after eight hours go by, take the sandwich out.
Step five, eat and drink your newly completed soggy sandwich.
The soggy sandwich comes in PB&J, BLT, turkey and cheese, and grilled cheese.
Disclaimer, the soggy sandwich may be hazardous to your health. wow that was unbelievable so much there i have to take a little bit of issue with your reading i know what you're gonna say and it's also what i wanted to talk about the first three lines yeah are all caps are colon you hungry all caps are colon you thirsty all caps get colon the soggy sandwich so to me that reads are you hungry are you thirsty get the soggy sandwich all right can i try it yeah please okay R!
You hungry?
R!
You thirsty?
Get!
The soggy sandwich!
Which is genius!
I mean, it's like Pinter-esque, the way that punctuation is being used here to convey meaning.
I will say the first time I read it, because it said all caps R colon.
I thought that was the character's name.
Yeah, I did too.
R speaking.
Otherwise, that would be, you hungry?
You thirsty?
The soggy sandwich.
That's the character known as Get.
That must be Frank.
Get sounds like that.
The soggy sandwich package comes with one, a sandwich, two, a bag of water, and three, instructions.
Nothing to be done but eat a soggy sandwich.
Unbelievable story.
I'm not gonna eat a soggy sandwich.
I also did love the way you read the disclaimer.
That was the correct way to read it, like fine print the soggy sandwich maybe hazardous to your health.
How fast can you read that?
The soggy sandwich maybe hazardous to your health.
The end i hazardous was a little muddy.
The soggy sandwich may be hazardous to your health.
The soggy sandwich may be hazardous to your health.
Pretty good.
Really hard to say.
Grownups and kids.
Send us videos of you saying that as fast as you can.
Everyone do it.
Everyone do it right now.
We'll take a break right now.
One.
Okay.
Remember, the soggy sandwich may be hazardous to your health.
One, two, three.
Go.
Did you feel that?
Really good.
Yeah.
Goes to Quinn.
Woo!
Quinn, awesome story.
You have a future in comedy, my friend.
Lee, will you read the final story for us, please?
I would love to.
A seven-year-old named Jasper in Washington sent us this story.
It's called The Book That Read Itself.
One day, George walked into his room...
He was bored, so he pulled a book out.
He started to read.
Then the book started reading itself.
He screamed.
He told his mom.
His mom said he was lying.
He said, I'm not.
His mom said, geez, you don't have to yell.
It's not like I'm a mile away.
Screamed George.
It's an earthquake.
I am a mile away.
George, that is normal, said Mom.
Oh, said George.
I don't get it.
The end.
No, I wanted to watch TV.
Oh, then do that for the real end.
Bye.
I gotta say, I was, I was reading this.
I, um, what do you say?
His mom said.
Jeez, you don't have to yell.
It's not like I'm a mile away.
I know you thought it.
I read it as his mom said, geese, you don't have to yell.
It's not like I'm a mile away.
Right.
I knew.
Do you know that I knew ahead of time that you would make that mistake?
Because I always read the stories before we start filming.
And Peter lives in the moment, lives in the moment.
Because when I first read that, I was like, geese.
No, it's geese.
Actually, you want to know a secret?
I did read this before, and I still thought it was geese.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Wow.
It's an amazing story.
You know why?
Why?
Because I'm a silly geese.
You silly geese.
Okay, so the other thing I love about this is that You don't have to yell, I'm not like a mile away.
And then the earthquake happens, which pulls them a mile away.
Did you understand that?
Yeah, now I do.
Yeah.
And the mom's like, yo, it's totally normal for an earthquake to make you a mile away from me.
Don't act like this is weird.
That's right.
So don't freak out.
Come on, George.
You silly geese.
I like a mom who's like, everyone calm down.
She's like, it's been worse.
That's right.
And George is like, I don't get it.
Well, he's never been through an earthquake before.
Yeah, and the first time you're in an earthquake, you know what?
It's earth shattering.
Jasper, incredible story.
That's it for Story Love.
To read all of today's stories, just head to storypirates.com.
This earthquake may be hazardous to your health.
And guess what?
Grownups, you can find an even longer version of today's Story Love on YouTube.
And while you're there, subscribe to our channel, please!
And make sure to watch the new videos every week.
And Grown Up Story Love isn't just the name of a segment on our show.
It's also the name of our incredible corporate volunteer program.
To find out more about Story Love, or Story Quest, our digital creative writing program, or Story Pirates Changemakers, our nonprofit arm.
Check out the show notes for links.
That's it for today's episode.
Thanks to today's authors, Aviva, June and Fritz.
And guess what?
You can still send us your stories and we respond to every single story we receive.
Grownups, your link to submit stories is in the show notes for today's episode.
We'll be back next week with another brand new episode.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind.
Bye!
The Story Pirates Podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios.
Executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka.
Co-executive producers are Holly and Rizwan Qasim, Manya Lissy Murray Sampson, Jack Schaefer and Jacob Bond.
This episode was produced by Isabella Riccio, Sam Baer, Peter McNerney, Lee Overtree and Brittany Stahl.
Recording, sound design, and mixing by Sam Baer at the Relic Room in New York City.
Additional production by Brett Toobin.
Theme song by Bobby Lord.
Musical scoring by Eric Gerson and Jack Mitchell.
Our head writer is Peter McNerney.
Staff writers are Megan O'Neill and Alexis Simpson.
Contributing writers are Dylan Fugel and Lee Overtree.
Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin.
Special guest Hari Kondabolu.
This episode features performances by Eric Austin, Colin Batten, Ben Blackman, Dewey Cadell, Sasha Diamond, Cara Halpern, April LaValle, Martha Marion Mary McDonald, Peter McNerney, Megan O'Neill, Lee Overtree, Dave Quinones, Rebecca Robles, Anna Rock, Rachel Winitsky, Nimany Ware and Brandon Zellman.
Hair Hospital was written and produced by Eli Bolin and Mike Petri, with vocal direction by Jack Mitchell.
Hey, Kelsey's Bakery.
This is Kelsey.
Hi, I'd like to make an order for delivery.
What would you like?
One order of shortland bread, please.
Shortland bread?
Yes, one order of shortland bread.
Okay.
Shortland bread.
Yes, bread.
Of the Shortland variety.
We don't have any Shortland bread.
Really?
You're sold out?
No, we're not sold out.
We just never had any Shortland bread.
What?
You don't carry Shortland bread?
We have Shortnin bread.
Short... Nin? bread yes bread of the shortening variety but no short lin bread just shortening bread oh well i'm looking for short lin bread so you know like the kind mama's little baby has mama's little baby love short lin short lin mama's little baby love shortening bread short lin bread shortening bread lin Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn.
Well, thanks anyway.
Thanks for calling.
Bye.
