You're listening to Roundtable, I'm Yeohong Lin, joined by Lai Ming and Lee E.
Coming up, graduation is an exciting time.
But for many university couples, it's also a crossroad.
As the diploma is handed over, so are decisions about whether to stay together or part ways.
Does growing up mean growing apart?
After that, we also present Roundtable's special segment that gives you a bit of motivation almost every week, but before motivational Monday.
Do graduation caps signal the end of romance?
University love stories may start in the classroom, but will they survive the job market?
According to a recent survey, many students think graduation season might as well be break up season.
Let's unpack the reality behind the numbers.
First things first, what are some findings that surprise you in the most in the report?
How do students in China universities feel the impact of graduation on their romantic relationships?
What really surprises me is that I find that young people these days, they're being super rational about love and marriage based on the observation from this report.
Well, this is a 2024 campus romance report conducted by Wuhan University, and also a networking app here in China.
The aim is really to see how, you know, romantic psychology and also related behavior of young people these days, especially during their time in school.
So campus love is the keyword here.
And one, you know, question is, do you think campus love should lead to marriage?
And you know, after serving over 2000 users, can you believe that over 50 % of them saying that campus romances are unpredictable.
So they don't really have to lead to marriage, while only 16 % of them believe they should.
And also, they're comparing I mean, love in campus and also love that you meet when you enter workplace.
And in contrast, over 60 % of correspondence feel that relationships must be marriage oriented after they enter workplace with the belief that they don't need to lead to marriage dropping to 24%.
So it seems that young people these days, they're being super rational and reasonable, reasonable and pragmatic and smart.
And smart. Yes. I don't know.
I'm personally surprised by the finding that most people have their first relationship while they're in college.
This challenges our perception.
We believe that, you know, kids are getting more mature and more relationship savvy these days.
And even when I was in college, I was, you know, looking at stories, I want to listen, hearing stories about how kids are starting their first relationship being in kindergarten, my son.
When I find that as a relationship is puppy love, it's totally innocent relationship, friends, you're hanging out with some people just don't really consider popular before college as relationship.
And they only consider something that you, you understand who you are.
And then, you know, someone you met in colleges, and that is something like a serious relationship.
By the way, for those of you who do not know, Lyman's son, his son is five years old.
When my son was three, I asked him, do you like Miss Zhang in your, in your school?
Who is Miss Zhang? A little girl in the same class.
And he said, I don't like her.
I love her. And they're always together and in playing football in class in hugging, huggy, huggy.
Yeah, like you said, it depends on how you define relationships and depends on how you define yourself.
Not every relationship has to be carnal or physical.
They tell you about who you are.
They tell you how to engage with fellow human beings in the world.
I mean, that, that is the value of relationship in my perspective.
Well, something that actually surprised me in the report is that because they conducted questions where they conducted survey about which major holds the most students with the multiple times or the most numbers of relationships and which major holds the students or are with the students with, well,
no relationship during their college time at all.
And I was very surprised to find out that those majors are the same majors.
So in the same classroom, one of your classmates might already had around five relationships during their college life.
And you, I'm not really sure, fortunately or unfortunately, have not even experienced one.
That actually surprised me the most.
So I think we cannot really blame majors or blame the kind of college where that you're in.
Because for example, for me, when I was in college, my, well, when I was in university, my college, the gender ratio of my college is seven to one.
So seven boys and one girl.
Oh, it must be very popular.
Yeah, exactly. For my college, you know, like a language major, the ratio would be nine to one, right?
Nine girls versus one boy.
Yeah. So we cannot really blame that because for the very socially active people, they go out there, they meet friends and classmates or schoolmates from other majors from other colleges.
And it's not a barrier to them.
Okay, I'm sure. So that's one finding.
But I think the reason we're conducting this research and also talking about it on round table is not only about relationships in college, but also about kind of the topic is graduation season, breakup season.
So no matter whether or not you enter the relationship based on the belief that you're going to marry this person after graduation, during graduation or upon graduation, you still face the problem of whether or not you stay together or you apart.
So what are some reasons that people choose to stay together or choose to, you know, say goodbye and wish you all the best?
Well, according to this story, it seems that the top three reasons for breakups in campus relationships are largely consistent for both male and female young people.
And the first one would be they have different life plans after graduation.
And second one is incompatible personalities.
And the third one is long distance relationships.
So they can't really stand this long distance relationship.
So that's why they break up.
And surprisingly, the fading of feelings or simply the relationship just turns sour.
This is just the fourth factor that people break up.
So when you look at this survey, you can see that for most campus romances or campus relationships, it seems that love ultimately will just end due to realities or different reality reason that you meet after you graduate.
So people are things getting away.
What do you mean things getting away?
Maybe the couples are not employed in the same city and they have to separate at least for a brief period of time.
Maybe they have different life experiences going forward upon graduation and maybe whatever they already have are not serious.
And the parents have set up something more serious.
You know, I think set up or you're talking about blind dates.
Yeah. Okay, the reason I'm asking this question, or I feel like it's something very interesting because when we think about graduation, it's also a period of time in your life that you're opening to a new chapter.
You're looking at it's a it's a transition period of time.
But is graduation so significant comparing to other transition periods?
For example, if you have already finished your first job, you're looking for the second one, you are moving to a different city, you are looking at an opportunity even from your workplace asking you to relocate into even a different country.
Are these as significant as graduation or graduation is just something so different that deserves all the attention and is or maybe is it just a very special period in one's life?
I believe graduation is a transitional period in somebody's life.
Whereas before, I'm not sure about the gazing in a different country, perhaps in Western countries, college kids, college kids are considered adults and they're there up to and it's up to them to make their own decisions.
Many of them earn their own tuitions working part time.
But here in China is more often the case where parents will pay for the tuition and other boarding and food and other costs and they are not considered in this sense, independent human beings capable of making their own life decisions.
So whatever they have at this stage is not permanent, it's not serious.
I think yes, there are different transition periods in your life because I mean while you're in university or while you're in colleges, so everything is like a fresh start for you after graduation.
You haven't really built this so -called path of your life, but the situation you mentioned like you already joined a company and the boss just asked you to move to a different location and there are different positions for you, but at least I mean you are entering this industry.
There's already something that you have built.
But I think for young people who are just faced with graduation, they might think that I haven't really built anything in my life.
So it doesn't really cost me so much if I want to study over, not only for my career, but also for my romantic relationship.
It's a period of time when a lot of things are in a flux.
Maybe in a few years in retrospect you realize that some of the things that you've gone through, they're not significant.
Some of the decisions you made didn't make sense back then, but at the point of occurrence, you're sort of engulfed in this.
You think that anything is important, a decision on the part of the company or on your boss might have far -reaching repercussions on your life and your life trajectory or career trajectory.
Little did you know what one decision at the moment will pan out in the future.
So you tend to over -exaggerate things and happenings in your life and then in that flux of things, you tend to overreact as well to things relation -wise.
That being said, according to this report, actually still more people, the majority of recipients, are still saying that for they still feel that it's a very beautiful thing to have a long -term relationship during college.
They still kind of envy, kind of feel happy for those who have been in a long -lasting relationship in college.
By saying long -lasting, the definition here is longer than five years or so.
So do you think what is the secret of keeping a successful, if we define successful relationship as the kind of relationship that is not only nurturing in the process of the relationship but also end up in a marriage?
Let's be a little bit practical.
If we define the kind of relationship, a successful relationship by the standards of ending with a marriage, what do you think are the secrets?
I don't know. I do agree with the definition.
Any relationship is successful only if it leads to marriage, because marriages can end as well, and many marriages end up being in a divorce.
So I don't know. I just don't want to look at it that way.
Yeah, it doesn't really matter.
A relationship is a relationship.
A marriage is a marriage.
Excuse me? What? Okay, so let me ask you this.
So a lot of people in the survey believe that a relationship university does not have to hold the standards that you hold for looking for a husband or a wife.
That is saying that the prerequisite of starting a relationship in college is not supposed to be the relationship leading to a marriage.
You agree with that?
I tend to separate marriage from a relationship.
Although for a marriage to succeed, a good relationship often is very important.
You have to have a very good relationship with your spouse in order for the marriage to last, but it doesn't have to be the other way around.
In that case, do we recommend people to start a relationship in college if they have the chance?
Of course. If my son wanted to tell me that dad I'm in love with this girl in class or in a different school, I'll congratulate him.
Uh, actually I feel the same way.
Yeah. I feel like I kind of understand why I mean, want to separate love and relationship and marriage.
Sorry. Oh you always need love in a relationship or in a marriage.
Because, um, because there are, I mean, different definition or there is somehow like a unique definition of successful marriage as well.
Right. You can already avoid that when you're talking about you want a separate marriage and relationship.
That's because usually there is like a societal expectation of what is a successful quote unquote, successful marriage.
So that that's why you want to separate them.
But I mean, as you said, I mean, your view, your viewpoint on relationship also applies to marriage.
I mean, even if this marriage fails, if, even this, if this couple breaks up and divorce, I don't really think you can define it as a failed marriage as well.
Right. As long as while we're talking about love, religion, romance in general, as long as people learn something from this period of time, you don't even have to learn something from you always learn something, you can be the better version of yourself.
And maybe you can just be more clear about which partner, what kind of partner you're looking for, for the next period of time, you're adopting the end justifies the means kind of logic.
But in my perspective, I think relationships and marriages, they are just a process.
And as long as both parties can enjoy the process, I think it's a successful marriage.
And by that standard, Jeff Bezos has had a successful marriage, and Bill Gates had a successful marriage because he ended nicely without, you know, breaking the bank and breaking, getting them bankrupt.
Oh, I kind of get what you both are saying.
And in the meantime, I also do recommend relationships in college.
Or if you're doing it a bit earlier in high school, I would not vote against so strongly because I feel like different stages would have would give you different experience even for the similar kind of relationships.
In university times, also, according to the survey, people believe that you have a relatively more freedom when it comes to arranging your times, you have more time to be with the significant other to hang out together to have fun together.
And you can plan trips more relatively easier.
And those are the perks that you cannot enjoy quite so much when you start a job when you start to be responsible, not only for yourself, but also for the task, but also for the entire team somehow.
And people expect different types of relationships.
When I was much younger, I feel like the relationships should be so strong, like fire and ice.
You can be so happy on the top of the moon, and you can be so sad and feeling these unsafetiness in this relationship and waiting for a phone call throughout the night and crying out loud and breaking, well, basically melting down in public areas.
That was the kind of relationship I enjoy.
Are we talking about Mr.?
No, no, no, then that was the wrong person.
Exactly. But later on, when I mature, I realize I want stability.
I want the ability to finish each other's sentences.
I want understanding in a deeper level and I want stability.
I want to be able to fight for my job and knowing that someone is out there or actually back there supporting me, supporting the family and see in different stages, you would want different things.
And there's no harm experiencing a little bit both in different stages.
You meant to say experiment a bit.
Well, campus romance is sweet.
But I mean, if you are a young person who just decide that you want to be alone, I mean, that's also fine.
Yes, definitely. There are different relationships that you can enjoy.
You can have a relationship with your book.
With yourself. Or your friends, please.
Well, that being said, we see graduation might bring the end of a chapter, but it doesn't have to mean the end of a relationship.
And or also it doesn't have to be the starting point of a relationship and whether the relationship lasts or not.
They reach students, they teach us about love, promise and themselves.
You're listening to Roundtable coming up next.
Motivational Monday.
Stay tuned. Yay, motivational Monday.
So how do you plan to motivate us?
Well, I bring a quote about love, but then when I do more research about this quote or while I do more reflection about this quote, I just realized it's not entirely about love.
But anyway, it's the more you give, the more you have, it's set by an unknown speaker.
And also there's like a famous quote conveying similar idea.
I believe we make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
So I think this, I mean, of course it applies to romance and marriage and everything related to love.
I mean, while you're in this relationship, you sometimes find that it's true that the more you give, the more you contribute to this relation and the more you care for the other person, the more devoted you are in this relationship and the better the state you have in this period of time as well.
But I think in general, I think it also applies to other scenario, meaning that we should be generous in terms of sharing our, not only love, but also our time, our compassion, our resources, our everything to other people who are in need, who are so surround us and who are sending this message that they're,
they're in need of our help because the joy of giving really somehow expands your life as well.
Because of course you can receive, you can, you can get, and you can make a living by receiving those things.
But meantime, if you're initially actively giving out and taking out this, this certain thing and from you and pass it to other people around you, you may feel like, especially while you're doing this without expecting anything in return that can make a huge difference in your life and which will also make
yourself happier. Yeah, thank you.
That is a really nice quote.
And in the meantime, I feel like these happy coincidence happen on Roundtable more often than not.
And coincidentally, all three of us have picked something related to love today.
So it's liming, right?
Yeah. I have a quote from the British science fiction writer, Arthur C.
Clarke. He's one of the big three of science fiction.
And I'm a big fan of science fiction.
And he's, he's like the other two of the big three are Robert Heinlein and Isaac Asimov.
I'm sure you've heard of them.
And Arthur C. Clarke was behind the 1968 film, 2001, A Space Odyssey, which is considered one of the most influential films of all time.
And remember as a high school student, I was reading a section of his novel in a translated version of his novel in, in school, and I was mesmerized.
And currently I'm still reading the English version of his novel, 2003, A Space Odyssey, this very, very influential in the field.
And, and he had a quote and he said, in my life, I have found two things of priceless worth, learning and loving.
Nothing else, not fame, not power, not achievement for his own sake, can possibly have the same lasting value.
For when your life is over, if you can say, I have learned and I have loved, you will also be able to say, I have been happy.
Well, I think is his, this quote might be a little coded, you might need some interpretation.
And my interpretation is that when you have learned, and when you have loved in your life, it means you've made meaningful use of your time to enrich your life experience.
Because these two actions represent deliberate efforts to expand the reach of your intellect and emotion by learning you're expanding your intellect, you're making use of it and you're expanding what you know, and by loving others, you're expanding the scope of your emotions.
You're not just loving yourself, you're loving somebody else or someone else or something else.
And so that means you come out of yourself, you come out of your own shell, you've expanded the scope of your life, which can otherwise be cooped up in a fixed time and space.
And that is all about the ideas put forward by Arthur C.
Clarke. He's long been a proponent.
Throughout his life, he's been a proponent of space travel.
So he's always been the one to explore, to venture outside the regular life and the mundane life of human beings and the life experience of one individual.
And I think this is very important for us to bear in mind that try and avoid being static, try and avoid being cooped up in one's own way of thinking, in one's own way of living.
But instead, try and look out there more, try and study, try and learn, try and love someone, just greatly expand your life experience.
Yes. Well, on motivational Mondays, we tend to give you the motivation you need to conquer the challenges you might meet for the rest of the week.
Yet for this week, at least for the listeners here in China, we're looking at a long holiday.
So it's something that we're very happy about, that we can enjoy.
So I, instead of picking something that's very motivating, I picked something for me myself, it's very therapeutic and soothing.
And the quote is set by again, an unknown speaker, and it is someday someone will choose you and will keep on choosing you every day.
What are you, a sushi?
Well, no one is going to pick a sushi and choose it every day, but someone will do that to you because...
Because you're right.
Because I feel like if someone chooses you daily, it's not by accident, you must have done something right, perhaps many things right in your life.
And think about it, love doesn't grow in a vacuum.
It is nourished by kindness, compassion, understanding and patience.
These qualities aren't just gifts from the outside world, they are cultivated from within.
And if you really think about it, actually, many people have already done that, your significant other, your friends, your family, even your colleagues who you keep good relationship with, they have been choosing you, and they kept on choosing you every day.
It's not something that lasts without any reason, they can, well, they consciously choose you every single day, they make that choice every single day.
And it's something that worth our gratitude.
And it's something worth our gratitude and making us feel like we should be a better person every day.
We should also actively choose the one who deserves our attention, who deserves our love, who deserves the gift that Li Yi has mentioned, who deserves the love action that Leiming has said, that is the most important, one of the most important things in life to every single day.
And with that, you can think of it as a great reason that we should also love ourselves because someone has been choosing you and you should always also choose yourself.
It can also be a good reason for you to keep on being a really good person.
So maybe instead, I would also want to change that quote to a different tense, that is, on a bad day, think about this, someday, someone has chosen you and has kept on choosing you every day ever since.
Oh, you're gonna make me cry.
Yeah, I think that's also about let's not really take the compassion and love you receive in your life for granted, right?
You should also be grateful for receiving this love as well.
Yes. You're gonna wake up and thank your spouse for not leaving you every morning to make it sour.
We're loving you a little bit more every morning.
And that brings us to the end of today's roundtable thanks to Li Ming and Li Yi and of course those of you who are still listening.
Until next time, keep the conversations going and the ideas flowing and the love sharing.
I'm Yolanda Holing.
Bye for now.
