This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 2646.
Fun English phrases that won't give you false hope.
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On today's episode Michelle and Aubrey talk about false hope.
Is it better to be direct with bad news in the moment or is giving someone false hope worse?
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Hello, Michelle.
How are you?
Hi, Aubrey.
I'm good.
I'm good.
When was the last time, this is kind of on the spot, the last time you experienced false hope?
Maybe canceled plans, a vacation?
I think it was during COVID.
There were a lot of canceled plans and canceled vacations during COVID.
And, yeah, that was rough.
I think a lot of listeners out there probably had similar experiences.
I don't think I know anyone who didn't have something canceled because of COVID.
And we sort of didn't feel like we could complain about it because much worse things were happening.
We knew people who were very ill or dying.
And um, so it didn't.
You know, we didn't feel like we could complain about a canceled trip, and that almost made it worse, because sometimes if you have false hope and you're disappointed, it's okay as long as you can vent about it a little bit.
So that's what made it even worse, right?
Yeah.
Yeah so Aubrey, recently we did an episode where we mentioned this expression, but we could tell I think I recorded this with Lindsay that this was really something that could use a whole episode.
So we are going to share that episode name and number towards the end of this episode so you can listen if you are, if you haven't already.
So guys, make sure you hit the follow button.
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We are having so much fun, but you're still hearing her voice, as you've noticed, and she will be back soon.
And.
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So you don't miss any of our great episodes.
Awesome.
All right.
So let's get into it.
So again, we touched on this expression.
Yeah, but we just wanted to expand upon it.
So today we're going to review the meaning, but we're going to really dive into the emotional meaning behind this word.
So how is it used in common situations where you will hear it?
So Aubrey, what is false hope?
Yeah, this is interesting.
It's you know, having a hope or an expectation for something positive, but then the outcome doesn't happen, or maybe it's unlikely, because maybe you don't know if the outcome will happen or not.
You could have false hope when something doesn't turn out.
Yeah, I think a lot of times there's false hope because of something else, right?
So somebody says something that gives you false hope, or you see something that gives you false hope.
So for example, they said I might still get the job, but I think they're just giving me false hope.
So you're saying it's unlikely they maybe they don't want to be mean, maybe they're scared of upsetting you, but they know you're not getting the job, right?
Yes, this happens a lot in relationships.
For example, he keeps saying we'll get back together, but it feels like false hope.
Often it's more about someone trying to save someone else's feelings or not say something that's too blunt and cruel.
It's harder to say, we're not the match.
I just think we're not the match.
But that's really the more kind thing to say.
Don't give someone false hope when it's over.
It's so hard.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
So is false hope a good or a bad thing, Aubrey?
That's really interesting to think about.
It's often seen as unkind or irresponsible especially, like I was mentioning, in relationships, but also a job.
Someone gives you false hope that you're going to get a job.
That could be devastating.
You could turn down another opportunity because you think you're going to get one, and that could be really ruinous.
Yeah.
Or I mean, false hope about a promotion.
Maybe you've been maybe you've been kind of winked at that you'll be given this promotion.
And so you're excited about it.
It makes me think of have you seen Christmas Vacation?
Yes, yes, the pool, the bonus.
Yeah, like they talk about like every year he gets this bonus and so he's really planning on it.
And it must be a big bonus if he's planning on using it to put in a swimming pool.
Yeah, really.
Because those are expensive.
Yes.
Yeah.
So false hope.
So he was given false hope just because of all the other years and what he thought.
And then, you know.
When he finds out it's not going to happen, he goes scorched earth.
He's like so mad.
Doesn't he like burn down the Christmas tree?
I don't remember, but it's. i won't spoil it for everybody but you gotta see the movie yeah christmas vacation yeah so but he definitely is as false hope so yeah it sets people up for disappointment and you know we we value honesty over empty reassurance and that you know goes back to this it feels so hard to tell someone the truth if It's bad, but it's better to do it that way than to – And I'm finding myself wondering how cultural this is.
In the United States.
This is very accurate that we value honesty over reassurance that will just end up disappointing us, right.
If there is hope –
Sure, let me hope.
But if there's not, be honest so that I know what to plan on.
And I'm curious, in other cultures, is that the same?
Or would there be more of a need for false hope?
It seems to me like no one would want false hope, but I think this could be very cultural.
Yeah, that is interesting.
I mean, so yeah, you could hear someone say something like, I really thought I had a chance.
I wish they hadn't given me false hope.
And in another culture, they might say, I really thought I had a chance.
I'm glad they let me feel like I was in the running.
Because this could be cultural.
It's so fast.
In fact, come to YouTube, guys, this episode.
Find the YouTube video if you're not already watching on YouTube and leave a comment.
Let us know where you live and what this is like in your culture.
Yeah, yeah.
So false hope is often, you know something, as I mentioned before, something that someone gives to someone else.
So someone suggests a better outcome than is likely.
So maybe, like we said, they're people pleasers, they can't give back bad news or maybe they genuinely think Things will turn out better.
I mean, maybe someone is sick and they're saying, you know oh, but it's going to be okay, and all this stuff.
And that's just sad when, you know, sometimes you need to give someone hope.
Maybe you don't know that you're giving false hope, but you want to preserve their optimism.
Right.
They might be people pleasers.
They have a hard time giving bad news or unrealistic.
Exactly.
Like you were saying, there's all kinds of reasons someone might give false hope.
Yeah.
So let's do a couple more examples.
So again, to give someone false hope.
I thought I stood a chance of getting that apartment.
The real estate agent just gave me false hope.
Oh, this reminds me of... Have you ever seen In the Heights?
It's a Broadway play.
No, I never did.
I know it.
But it's also a movie.
You can see they made it for a movie.
I think it's on Netflix, I want to say.
And the made for movie version is exactly like the Broadway play, but you're watching it on a movie and it's so good.
It's fantastic.
And in it, there's a girl who lives in Washington Heights who wants to move downtown.
She sings this whole song about wanting to live downtown in New York City.
And then she goes.
I have.
Yes.
Okay.
And she gets false hope about it, because then she goes to try and apply for an apartment and it becomes clear that she doesn't have the credit.
She doesn't have the money.
But she had false hope.
Someone gave her false hope that or maybe it was her own assumption that she it's devastating.
She's like, this is not possible for me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I mean, you can also have false hope without anyone else giving it to you.
I mean, maybe you are the one who's overly optimistic or giving yourself false hope.
She just was like, I have been saving money and I should be able to move downtown.
But closer to like she wanted to go to fashion school and be in this, you know, downtown New York.
But it's expensive.
And sometimes there are other things standing in your way, which was the case in that movie.
Yeah, so.
Or also to be in denial, which is a great expression.
We could do a whole episode on that.
Guys hit, follow.
So, not wanting to face the truth, you're hold your this.
Next way, you could say you're holding on to false hope.
I think I'm holding on to false hope that he'll come back.
So you're kind of giving this hope to yourself.
You're in denial.
You don't want to admit that something isn't going to happen.
Totally.
Moms do this a lot.
I'm holding on to false hope that my children will eat what I cook without complaining.
Oh, I've given up that false hope.
That's good.
I still hold on.
I have a tiny thread that I'm holding on with a really tight grip.
Or to have false hope.
They had false hope that things would return to normal after the pandemic.
Mm hmm.
And then since false hope is a bad thing, we often try to avoid it.
So you might hear she's a strong candidate for the job, but I don't want to give her false hope.
So we wouldn't.
If we're not pretty sure that we're going to choose her, we wouldn't try to do anything encouraging that would make her feel that false hope.
Exactly, exactly.
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Okay, so Aubrey, what are some common situations?
We've gone over a lot already, but where people give us false hope.
Yeah, we mentioned dating, right?
I don't want to lead him on or give him false hope.
Medical issues.
Maybe you'd say the vet said our puppy would probably make it.
But I don't want to hold on to false hope.
I've heard people say this about themselves if they have, for example, a cancer diagnosis.
And they were like maybe this is false hope, but I am convinced that I will be able to be fully recovered.
You might say something like that about their own medical concerns.
Exactly, exactly.
Or like we said, job opportunities.
So the market is so competitive, everything just feels like false hope.
Or even just for everyday plans.
I may make it to the party, but I don't want to give you false hope.
Right.
You're saying, oh, I'm hoping to attend.
Yeah, don't count on me.
I don't want to give you false hope.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Which is smart, because if you're not positive, you can go.
Then people will be disappointed if they're expecting you and you don't show.
But if you say this, this is a great connection skill to let people know, give them a little heads up, a little warning that you might not make it.
Don't give them false hope.
Yeah, exactly.
And Aubrey.
We covered a lot of similar phrases in that other episode that I'm going to give you later on, but there are a lot more.
So here are a couple new ones.
So the first one is too good to be true.
So that's probably not real.
Or realistic.
So those prices seem too good to be true.
Yes.
Or I feel like he's catfishing me.
He seems too good to be true.
This is great.
If you haven't heard of catfishing, look up the movie Catfish.
Nev Patel, I think was his name.
Nev something.
And yeah, it's someone who online is lying.
They're either showing you pictures that aren't accurate or they're saying things about themselves that is not accurate and fooling you, tricking you.
That's called catfishing.
Yep, exactly.
Or what about this one?
Don't get your hopes up.
So that's, don't expect too much, because something might not meet your expectations and you'll be disappointment disappointed, excuse me.
So this is, then you will be disappointment incarnated disappointment, yes.
Now we need to make a note, michelle.
I'm going to write this down, the to say something incarnated, disappointment incarnated, or something where we're sort of taking on that as if we embody it.
So follow, guys.
That's going to be a fun episode, Definitely.
So yeah, but again, so don't get your hopes up.
It's a little bit more casual than false hope.
So don't get your hopes up about the apartment.
There's high demand right now.
Or it's good to be optimistic.
Just don't get your hopes up.
So we're saying kind of like you want to mitigate your excitement so that you are not overly disappointed.
You know what this reminds me of is Anne of Green Gables.
Remember how she wants to be excited.
She wants to get her hopes up.
And someone is telling her, like maybe don't do that or you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
And she was like, what is a life without excitement and being excited about these things?
I would rather be disappointed later and be hopeful and excited now.
Is that Anne of Green Gables or Pollyanna?
Anne of Green Gables.
It's on Anne of Green Gables that she says that.
And I don't know if it's in the book or the movie.
I'm positive because I saw Anne of Green Gables so many times when I was young.
I've also seen Pollyanna, but it's Anne.
Anne with an E that says that.
Anne Shirley.
Anne with an E. Yes, exactly.
So, all right, let's do a role play.
So here we are friends and you are looking for an apartment.
All right.
Do you want to start us out?
All right.
So, hey, how's the apartment search going?
Honestly, not great.
I thought I found a place and the landlord said I had a really good chance, but then they gave it to someone else.
Oh, I hate when they do that.
It feels like they're giving you false hope.
Exactly.
Now I'm trying not to get my hopes up about any place.
Probably a good idea with this market.
Yeah, some of these listings look amazing, but they're almost too good to be true.
Yeah, I've definitely had that experience house hunting where you're like wow, this place is amazing.
Seems too good to be true.
And you get there and you're like, it was too good to be true.
Like this house needs a lot of work.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah, very common natural conversation.
So I said, I hate when they do that.
It feels like they're giving you false hope.
And that's where they are setting me up for disappointment.
They're making me feel they made me feel like I could get that apartment.
And then they ripped it out from under me and gave it to someone else.
And they did.
They did give me false hope.
And then I said, I'm trying not to get my hopes up about any place.
I've been burned.
And I'm trying to be careful now not to get my hopes up so that I get disappointed again.
And we do this.
We protect ourselves.
If it happens once especially, it's like fool me once, shame on me right, right.
And then you're trying to learn from it and be more realistic.
But i'm like george bush here saying it wrong fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Have you guys haven't seen that bush clip?
And he's like fool me twice, you can't fool me again.
Yes yes, it's so funny.
Or is that snl?
No, actually live on the news that said that you can look it up.
It's so funny.
And then i'm sure they made fun of it on snl as well.
Right right, right.
I don't remember because I'm sure I saw Will Ferrell do it.
I'm sure.
But the original was George Bush himself.
There's some fun Bushisms.
Oh, my God.
Because he would just say the funniest things.
Yeah.
And then you said yeah, some of these listings look amazing, but they're almost too good to be true.
So you're kind of back down to earth here.
And I'm recognizing too good to be true means there's something about it seems so amazing.
And you're like, there's a catch.
There's something that I'm going to find out that is that there's a reason that it's cheap.
Right.
Yes.
So guys, we mentioned this other episode.
Check out.
It's episode 2634.
That was Are You an Optimist?
Vocabulary for Wishful Thinking.
Any takeaways for today, Aubrey?
Yeah, I really loved this connection moment that A, you don't want to give people false hope.
This is this can hurt the connection.
If you're not honest, if you're giving someone false hope, if you're telling them I will definitely be at your party and you're not.
Instead, use this great phrase to say, I don't want to give you a false hope.
I will try to come, but I might not make.
It is actually a great connection skill if you're not sure that you can attend.
Absolutely.
So definitely give this a try today.
And guys, thank you so much for listening to this episode.
And again, check out that one that I mentioned if you haven't already.
All right, Aubrey, this was fun today.
And guys, I don't want to give you false hope, but we will be back next episode.
Yeah, that is not false hope because we will be back.
We will be back.
I don't want to give you false hope, but dinosaurs might be back.
Dinosaurs.
I saw a movie.
I saw a movie called Jurassic Park and it looked like dinosaurs are back on an island somewhere.
Imagine if someone saw that and thought it was real.
They're like, yes, that'd be false.
All right, Aubrey, thanks for talking today.
And guys, we'll talk to you next time.
Awesome.
See you next time.
Bye.
Bye.
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