Spring has come early to my valley and diminutive pink and white wildflowers have bloomed all over the forest floor.
I tread lightly these days and with great reverence, as there are so many treasures yet to behold.
I like to snatch away a few minutes on these cool mornings, before the busyness of the workday sets in, to express gratitude for all that has been renewed.
I don't have much time, but what I do have I value deeply, and that has made all the difference.
In this video, I wanted to share something that I've been working on for a very long time and that is fixing my attention spans.
As a child, I could become deeply absorbed in things that interested me, even just watching the sun through a car window, engrossed in an imaginary world of my creation.
Everything I experienced.
I did so in the present moment, even if my curiosity took me somewhere else a moment later.
But something happened to me as I got older and my brain got more muddled and at times I've had to take inspiration from the better parts of my younger self and wonder how I want to spend the time I have.
I'm out here just enjoying a little bit of the breeze and the sunshine.
And later this afternoon, I'm going to a hair salon for the first time in a very, very long time.
I finally decided that it was time to cut my hair, to give my hair a chance to grow out again.
So that is the plan today to work, to get some time outside, take time to enjoy the spring beauties that are growing everywhere, to look out for yellow bells and blue bells, because I'm sure they're about to start blooming, and to say hello to the honeybees.
I'll probably get a little more work done, but after that I'm gonna go to the hair appointment and I'm a little bit nervous, so wish me luck.
The spring beauties are always one of the very first flowers that come out this time of year.
They're very interesting.
Actually, at the very base, there is a root ball called a corm, and you can eat them.
And I've eaten them before in videos.
They are absolutely delicious.
I describe them as floral-essenced potatoes.
And it's a beautiful flower with such delicate colors.
I love the little tiny hints of pink.
As I got older, I started to become more impatient, focused on productivity of saving time to get more done.
I was introduced to a much faster pace of life, partly through starting to use my phone a lot more.
I grew up with limited internet, but once I entered university and started realizing I was way behind on that front, I threw myself into the online world and got my first smartphone.
And don't get me wrong, I think this has added to my quality of life.
I've connected with other kindred spirits and learned new things, been exposed to ideas and inspired.
But I also found how easy it was to misuse the tools at my disposal, to get to the point where I gravitated to my phone at every dull moment, scrolled for hours, without even knowing what I was doing half the time or being able to remember what I watched or learned.
So easily, it became a way to disconnect from the world.
Uncomfortable emotions, boring moments where I would otherwise have to spend sitting with my own thoughts.
The more I used these tools in an unbalanced way, the less I enjoyed being without distractions.
Over time, my mind started to struggle to concentrate on less stimulating tasks.
I found I was finding less joy in things I used to love as a child.
I didn't find things as interesting as I had.
I felt less peace in general, often fired up by the latest controversial post I'd seen.
Over the years, I had been spending less and less time with just me and, without even realizing it, I had lost a friend.
My ability to pay attention to things, to be present and hold my own focus was increasingly fragmented and unstable.
My mind became a buzzing bee of activity that was relentless and constantly distracting.
Sometimes I wanted to avoid it altogether.
To be clear, I don't blame my phone or anything else for this change I noticed.
I still love using technology of all kinds.
I love making videos here on YouTube.
I need to connect and I enjoy every moment, as long as I'm using these tools in balance.
That was the key not to look at things from a black and white perspective, but wonder how can this serve me better?
And that answer for me was to become more intentional with how I interact with my phone, to challenge the idea that I needed to keep up with what was going on every minute of the day.
And I'll be honest the more addicted I was to living online, the more distractible I became, the more short my attention span.
I decided I needed to rethink my lifestyle.
Every time I get to this stage in the painting process, I just feel like quitting, to be honest.
And I don't really want to do anymore.
And I just want to stop and never finish it.
But I'm going to try to persevere.
There's still a lot to do.
So I'm going to keep going.
I did get my hair cut.
It is not as short as I was going to cut it, but it is still quite short.
I think I cut about six inches off it, which is a lot, because I have not cut my hair drastically for many years.
But yes, I was going to go shorter, but then the woman that was cutting my hair reminded me that when you still have very wavy and thick hair and you cut it very short, it has a tendency to mushroom out.
I was inspired this week to Think a little bit about attention spans and how my ability to focus and, more than that, more importantly than that, simply my ability to be comfortable without huge amount of stimulation, with just Being, has been such an important part in healing and thriving for me.
It's not perhaps the most exciting thing to do with your life to just cut out highly stimulating things at certain portions of the day, training yourself to do kind of more mindful hobbies and more boring lifestyle choices at times.
It's all about balance for sure.
I think that technology has a wonderful and important place in our lives if used well, but I have not always used it in a healthy way at the time.
I think over the long term it created this habit of not observing, not looking outward as much.
And that was something that was very unhealthy for me and did not lead to my long-term joy and fulfillment.
And that may be completely different for you.
I'm not saying this is everyone's experience and that this is an unhealthy thing for everyone.
I just can only speak my experience.
Well, I have procrastinated long enough.
It is time to finish this project.
If you want a wonderful challenge for improving your internal dialogue and your inner life, I recommend doing a big painting project without any distractions because boy, you are going to have to come to terms with all those thoughts going through your head because you are literally watching paint dry.
I'm going to get back to work, but I also wanted to let you know I do have my Etsy shop open.
I am not going to have it open for too much longer.
I am expecting baby soon, so I will be closing in several weeks and I appreciate your support there.
If you are interested in my art or on my Patreon, where I make extra videos about simple living.
There, of course, is never any obligation, but I always like to share it as a way to Support my work as an artist and this channel.
Thank you so much for being here.
I'm sending you so so much love and I'm gonna go and finish this Goodbye.
Now, many years later, I'm continuing to learn how to do things differently and have made enormous progress.
I've learned slowing down isn't about what's happening outside.
We don't always have control over that, but a shift within.
I'm continuing to develop a balanced relationship with the internet, not to fuel unhealthy mindsets and comparison and consumerism.
Once I made a few small changes, I started to become more aware of what triggered unhelpful feelings and wanted to weed that out even more.
And I think the best part of the process was that as I distanced myself from the online world and balanced it, the world started to seem less angry and my mind stopped feeling exhausted all the time.
And I liked that.
Taking a break from information overwhelm helped my brain reset and become more quiet, more attentive.
It became easier to find wonder again.
Obviously I love the internet, but I do think it can be helpful to consider our relationships with the things we use most in our lives and make sure they align with how we want to use the very limited time we have.
This personal inquiry started me on a journey.
Perhaps it will do the same for you.
Thank you.
