Hey everyone, it's Hadar.
Today is a Friday and I wanted to do something a little different.
So I'm having a special episode, a Q &A session that was recorded inside my program Beyond where I collected questions from my students and the questions were really good and I figured it would be kind of cool to share it here on the podcast as well because I bet that some of you might have similar questions
or you just might find value in the answers that I had for my students.
So, I am sharing that with you today.
We talked about finding your natural voice, we talked about pronunciation, and also how to stop avoiding conversations.
So, if you're an avoider and you don't speak as much as you think you should be speaking, you should definitely listen to this episode fully.
Okay, now I wanted to tell you that I'm going to record more episodes where I answer questions.
so if you have questions for me as well, even if you're not inside my program, you can still ask me questions.
So you can send me a message on Instagram, you can find me at hadar .accentsway, you can send me an audio message or a video message under Ask Hadar on my website, I'm going to link to it in the show notes, or just if you're subscribed to my newsletter, you can respond to one of the emails with a question and I
will try to answer as many questions as possible.
All right. So let's go ahead and listen to today's episode.
I hope you enjoy it.
I think I'm going to dive into the questions.
So Emerson is saying, how do I find and keep up with my natural tone of voice?
Are there any exercises besides speaking for keeping up with one's tone of voice?
That's a good question.
And we don't talk a lot about voice in beyond.
We have an entire section about it in New Sound.
So we do talk about voice there, but not so much in ongoing lessons.
So it's good that you're asking it for people who are not in New Sound because when it comes to tone of voice, well, specifically tone of voice is constantly changing, right?
So I think you meant maybe something else, but just to give context, when I talk about tone of voice, I usually talk about the message or the attitude that is behind what I'm saying.
So I could have an excited tone of voice, really?
And I could have a sarcastic tone of voice, really?
Or angry? Or frustrated?
Or scared? Really? Right?
That is tone of voice.
It's kind of like adding the emotion to what it is that you're saying.
And it gives me context.
It changes my intention complete.
It could change depending on my tone of voice.
By the way, tone of voice is also for writing.
So when people write stories or when they write, a lot of time we talk about tone of voice in writing as well.
What is the style of writing?
What is the tone of the writer?
So we have that in speaking and we have that in writing.
Now, that is something that is changing no matter what your voice sounds like, no matter what language you speak.
Now, tone of voice is something that is noticeable in more expressive languages so I don't know if you guys remember I talked about it a few times about the culture map and the fact that different cultures have different levels of expression and different levels of being willing to face confrontations
so there are languages that are more confrontational and more expressive there are languages cultures that are more expressive, but not confrontational at all.
And there are cultures that are not confrontational and not expressive.
So whatever your background is, think about what that means when it comes to your culture or where you're from.
Because they think it has a big impact on how expressive we are.
Because if you grew up in a culture where it's impolite to speak loudly or to speak in an expressive way, and you're used to speaking in a monotone way, because also that is the music of your language, then tone of voice is something that might be tricky for you to understand or to use, okay?
So that is, again, about how we use our voice to express different meanings.
There is also the voice placement and your voice in general, okay?
And I think, Emerson, this is what you're talking about.
Now, the quality of your voice is, I'm going to tell you this, it should be the same for your first language and for English.
Some languages are more nasal because they have more nasal sounds.
And then sometimes we bring that nasality to another language, in our case, English.
And that is something that we could and potentially might consider being mindful of, maybe changing if it affects our clarity or how we are perceived.
So, that is the only thing that I have to say about the quality of voice or the vocal placement of one language versus another.
English doesn't have a specific placement, okay?
People have placement.
People have different voices.
They have different placements.
Some people use higher pitch.
Some people are more nasal.
And when I say some people, I specifically talk about native speakers who speak American English, let's say or British English.
So it's not like you need to aim for a specific placement to sound better.
If you're asking, how do I find my, keep up with my natural tone of voice?
The question is what is not natural?
What happens to your voice when you speak in English?
This is the interesting part.
What do you do to your voice that makes it feel not natural?
Okay. So what we tend to do, so right now when I'm speaking, this is my natural voice, but if I were to speak like this, maybe I got used to it or maybe I imitated someone for so long and this is how I speak.
This is not my natural voice.
I could get used to it by doing it over and over and over again.
And then maybe that could become my natural voice.
This is not my natural voice.
Also, this is not my natural voice this is too low for my placement and it's not natural it feels like i'm straining my voice when i speak like this because this is my natural voice right so what i want you to explore is two things one try to understand what makes your speaking in english feel less
natural and i would recommend to do it in comparison to how you speak in your first language so if in your first language you feel like you speak in a more natural way then try to compare it and say is it higher is it lower is it more tense where does it hurt does it hurt here does it hurt here do I
feel like I need to push my voice more do I feel like I'm quieter does it feel like I'm louder so ask yourself all these questions to really understand remember when I talk about the pronunciation confidence method, I always talk first about perception.
You have to understand what it is that you're hearing, what you're looking for.
Because if you can't hear it, you can't make it.
If you can't identify it, you can't change it.
So it's really important that we learn how to hear those nuances, how to identify our challenges, and what's not working for us if it's not working.
Now, I'm assuming that you don't feel like yourself.
It doesn't feel natural when you change your voice.
It makes you feel tired after speaking.
You might even lose your voice frequently or you might not be as present and loud as you are in your first language.
So check either you're too high or too low, too soft or too quiet or too loud, too soft or too loud, right?
And where does it hurt?
So these are the questions that I want you to ask yourself.
And then, try to see why it is different in your first language.
And then, when you start identifying what it is, then you'll start bringing it, because awareness is key, you can start bringing that quality of voice to English.
Okay? Now, one more thing I wanted to say.
Sometimes, we even manipulate our voice in our first language.
Okay? So think of situations, maybe not in front of people, even in your first language, where you feel more comfortable with your voice.
Maybe it's when you talk to yourself.
Maybe it's when you talk to a friend over a cup of coffee at your house, right?
Like, try to think of situations where you feel more comfortable with your voice and then do that comparison with that situation because we do change our voice based on our emotional state and based on what we think is expected of us.
what room we're in who we're speaking to and all these different things and ultimately yes we want to have our own voice and to feel as authentic as possible but we also want to make sure that our voice is carrying our words that is fully expressive right that is optimal and one more thing that I have to
say is that and I give that trick often maybe you've heard me talk about it When we hum, not my hum, but your hum, when you say, usually that's the optimal pitch that you have that you want to aim for.
And then that is a good indication for you to see if in English you speak much lower or much higher.
So Emerson, you're here with me.
So tell me if when you speak in English, what is it?
Are you higher or lower than your optimal pitch when you hum?
hi, my name is Hadar, that, or is it louder or quieter?
So I'm curious to know.
And once you change that, once you recognize that, you can start changing.
And then simply by bringing your voice back to a place where you are not forced, okay, where the voice is not forced, and when you feel ease, and when you feel like, yeah, it's my voice, it's like my voice in my first language, or it's like my voice when I feel comfortable, that's when, you know, you
start changing and using it like that in a more regular way.
Okay. So I'm waiting to hear what you have to say lower.
I feel too much self -conscious about regulatory pitch.
Okay. So that's another thing, Emerson, this is where our brains come in and then we have opinions about our voice.
and then we have opinions about higher voices, right?
So, if you feel that your regular voice is too high and you don't like it, you feel self -conscious, obviously, subconsciously, you're going to try to drop it down, and then you're not going to feel comfortable because it's not ideal for your voice.
It's not optimal. You're not expressing yourself fully, and you don't feel like yourself.
So, having an opinion about your voice is really causing you to drop your pitch so low, but it's not serving you because you're not happy here, and you're not happy there.
How about you test it out?
You give yourself an opportunity to test what happens when you do use your natural voice, your natural pitch, and you just say, if they have thoughts about it, I'm just going to let them have those thoughts about me or about my voice, and that is it.
I'm going to keep using my voice in the most optimal way because it's healthier for me.
I feel more comfortable and I feel more expressive this way.
So it's kind of like you just need to get past this initial obstacle about what people are going to think about your voice.
And you just have to practice, at least start practicing it on your own and see what that feels like.
And recognize that there is a limiting thought that is preventing you from actually using what's yours.
why wouldn't you be able to use the voice that is yours because of what other people think?
Think of the impact that it does.
Obviously, it bothers you.
And also, I know that if you speak lower, it's not healthy for your voice.
And you're probably speaking in a softer way and maybe then, you know, you're less understood.
So think of the outcome of changing something in yourself both because of opinions of what's expected in society, or because someone told you that native speakers sound lower, and then look at the ripple effect that it may have about how you show up in English, or, and I'm speaking to you, but I'm speaking
to so many people. I'm sure that a lot of people can relate to that when it comes to our voices.
So this is just something to think about and to consider as you practice.
Okay. Denica says, I struggle a lot with similar vowel pairs.
This is a good question.
Sheep, ship, and then pull, pull.
I know how to produce them, but when I practice intentionally, I realized that I'm not there yet.
So I have two things to say about that.
One, you need to drill down the difficult sound out of the pair.
So usually when you have pairs, there is one that is more difficult and both of them lean towards that.
So I know that for me, when I first started, both of them sounded like the tense E, sheep, sheep.
Okay. So maybe the tense E wasn't too tense, but there was no confusion there, but it was a lax E that was trickier for me.
So first of all, identify the one that is harder and focus on that and then treat it like any other sound that you want to address.
It probably means that you need more drilling.
So lists of words and repetition, bring it back.
I I know you've done the work, but go back and spend five minutes every day of just drilling.
Ship, rich, list, fish, kidding, finish, simple, mission, hips, sick, list, right?
And you just drill the words.
And then phrases and sentences, you have all of that in new sound.
And then from there, you go into intentional practice.
So you kind of like ground yourself with a sound that is challenging.
and then you go into intentional practice, really thinking about that is sound, okay?
So you make it hyper -focused, your intentional practice, and you create the right circumstances for you to succeed in it by drilling it and anchoring the sound before you go into the intentional practice.
One more thing, a lot of times there is the element, the physical features or the physical element that we can take into consideration.
So, for example, again, if it's the laxed I, you want to expect yourself to see your jaw dropping more significantly.
Or if it's the tense U, you want to see your lips rounding for a longer period of time.
So you can work with a mirror specifically looking for the physical quality when you practice intentionally.
So you can do that, you do it in front of the mirror, in front of the camera, not only thinking about the sound, but also expecting to see the lips move or the jaw move in the way that is associated with the sound, okay?
That is also another element that could help you anchor yourself or focus better on producing the right quality of sound.
I think with that, you're going to be more consistent with your practice.
And then it's kind of like when you start seeing success with something that you haven't seen success with, then you're more motivated and then it helps you understand what works, what doesn't work and to keep on with what does work.
Okay. King says, I'm an avoider and I can't bring myself to join conversation groups.
I know that they are useful, but I feel that everybody and beyond speaks English better than me.
How can I overcome this fear?
King, I just want to say that you are amazing to be able to send that question and to acknowledge the challenges that you're facing.
And then to be like, what do I do?
You know, it is getting in your way.
And you see that otherwise you wouldn't have written this.
So what do you do? And there is a reason why you're an avoider, right?
It's in the text. An avoider is someone that prioritizes the fear of what people are going to think if you're not as good as them or if you're not performing according to a certain level that is only in your head, by the way.
So you prioritize that over your own personal development and progress.
I'm going to say it again because it's pretty harsh.
An avoider who is still someone who prioritizes what other people think, and the fear of being judged over your own personal development, your progress, and your goals.
It sounds pretty ridiculous, right?
Because there's no reason why other people's opinions should matter more than who you are, what you do, and your achievements in life, and how you show up in the world.
Yet we're wired to be people pleasers.
We're wired to always feel like we're not good enough and as a result to not show up and to curl in and to wait until it's perfect so that we could show up but in reality it doesn't work this way to be able to get to a place where you can have a conversation there will be a lot of awkward situations
where you get stuck where you make mistakes when you say one thing and you think you're so clear and then the other person does not understand you, like what happens to me in Spanish often.
You just have to welcome it with open arms and say, okay, but if I do it enough times, there will come a point where this will no longer be my reality.
But if I don't do it enough times, I will stay where I am today.
Improvement doesn't come from you avoiding.
Improvement doesn't come from you not doing this work or doing it on your own?
Because the struggle is to confront other people, confront their judgment, confront what they think about you and do it anyway.
That is progress. That is how you grow in the language.
Now, even though it might be painful and all your demons are shouting and saying, do not do this because they're going to think you're not smart enough.
They're going to think about why are they here in beyond because their level is not good enough.
No one is going to think that.
It's only in your head.
And even if they think that, I'm going to use Mel Robbins's new phrase, let them, let them think that and let you do what it takes to be in a place where you no longer avoid, where this is not a struggle, where you are equally good, as equally good.
Because that, you know what made them speak better?
Being able to confront these fears and to no longer avoid because they, all of those people that you think speak better than you, they were where you are today.
Some of them were there for two weeks, others for six months, and others for 10 years.
And there was a point where they said, I don't prioritize my fears anymore.
I prioritize my progress.
And they confronted it and they faced it and it was painful and they got to a point where someone else thinks that their English is better than theirs.
but it wasn't easy for them and it will not be easy for you but it will be possible it is possible you just need to make a freaking decision to join a conversation group that's all it takes and let me tell you this don't focus on what's going to happen in the conversation group just focus on logging
in going into your zoom account clicking on that link and joining that is all you need to think about.
Don't think about the outcome.
Don't think about what's going to happen later.
Don't imagine the worst case scenarios because this is probably what you're doing.
And that's natural.
I've been there. I know that.
I think most of the people have been there.
But what you could do is just focus on getting yourself into that Zoom room.
You can always log out, okay?
You can always quit.
And if you quit, you're going to try again next time.
That's okay. But focus on that and see what happens.
You might surprise yourself now in addition you might need to train yourself to speak so make sure that you don't avoid speaking on your own as well practice speaking every single day to yourself so take a question answer it out loud even record yourself that is something that it's just you and you
that could get you feel more confident okay maybe you need training wheels maybe you need a few more steps before you're confident enough to do it but don't avoid those steps even if it's just speaking to yourself because I want to tell you that beyond is the best place for you to explore that and to
fail no one's going to laugh at you no one's going to make you feel bad no one's going to be angry that you're taking time to come up with words this is the place for you to try out and if you won't do it here you're not going to have a lot of places in the real world that will be as safe as this place
to do it. And I'm saying that because I want you to use the time that you have here to get to the next stage of an anxious speaker.
And an anxious speaker is not ideal.
But an anxious speaker is someone who has made the decision to speak and feel the fear anyway.
okay and an anxious speaker to me is the bravest speaker of them all and I think I think that it's just a matter of decision for you to do it okay good Danielle says I've been very busy lately and I feel like I always struggle with losing motivation I studied for a few weeks and then something happens
and I stopped for a few months how do I stay motivated okay good thanks Ivana How do you stay motivated?
So a few things. First of all, whatever you're experiencing is really, really natural and human -like.
Most humans struggle with that.
It's rare to find someone who is consistent for years with their habits.
It's not impossible.
There are many people, many successful people who are able to do it.
That's what makes successful people, successful people?
Them being able to stick to their habits.
That's it. And what are the habits?
The habits that will help them turn into the person they want, whether it's working out, learning a language, meditating, journaling, writing every day for writers, right?
So you think about the person you want to become, you think about your goals, and then you realize that the only way to do it is to build habits.
Motivation is recognizing why you want to achieve those things, why you want to do those things.
And motivation doesn't last.
So we can't bank on motivation.
We can't count that motivation is going to get us up in the morning and we're going to be excited about the work.
No, that's not the case.
That's why I said at the beginning, I feel motivated at the beginning of January because the beginning of January and it happens once a year.
And then I could lose motivation, but I already have a track record of daily habits that I've developed over years that are related to work, content creation.
Do you think I enjoy creating reels or content every single week?
No, I do not. Do you think I enjoy going to meetings several times a week?
No, not necessarily.
Sometimes yes, but sometimes I prefer to, I don't know, hang around or hang out.
But that's the foundation for the things that I want for myself so you've got to build the foundation because you're not going to always be motivated and you can't be disappointed when you don't feel it and use it as the reason for why you're not doing what you want to do you're not doing what you want
to do because you haven't established the habit that is it okay and you were able to convince yourself or talk yourself out of doing something even though you wanted to do it so that's a question of self -integrity you say you're going to practice in the morning and then you don't because you convince
yourself that there are more important things to do.
That is okay. Again, it happens to me all the time.
But this is why building habits and making it non -negotiable is really important.
But I'm going to tell you something else.
Sometimes we stop following our habits because we get bored or we feel like we're not progressing.
And this is where you need to have a conversation with yourself.
A, are you seeing progress?
Do you know how to recognize your progress?
Do you know how to acknowledge your progress?
Are you measuring it somehow?
How do you measure it?
By setting goals, by reflecting on what you have achieved, of reflecting on what's possible for you in comparison to what was possible a year ago.
If you've seen progress, then you are making progress.
You are not stuck. That could be very motivating to acknowledge that.
You need to take the time to do that.
So we need to to make sure that we know how to measure our progress.
And also, you know, thinking of, of stopping and starting, sometimes you're just bored and you need to change.
So maybe what it is that you're learning needs to change.
Maybe you need to focus on something else.
Maybe you need to do it at a different time during the day.
Maybe you need to join new classes.
Maybe join scene study or join a writing workshop, find new ways to excite you.
Maybe you have a hobby or an interest.
You can start reading out loud content related to that, imitate videos, right?
So think about how you can combine other passions in your life with English and make English the means to consume the content or to participate in activities that bring you joy.
So it's kind of like a multidisciplinary experiment right so it's both the habits not expecting motivation to always be there for you and also making sure that you keep it interesting and effective for you okay have a beautiful beautiful day everyone i love you all thank you for being here today take
care and i'll see you soon bye
