Hi, everyone. It's Keisunga.
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Headspace Studios. Hi, everyone.
It's Robin. And today I am joined by Eve and Headspace therapist, Ryan.
And we have some really thought -provoking questions lined up for today's episode, including the topics of fear of dying and how to quiet a restless mind.
We also hear from a listener sharing a mindful moment about calming her sundown.
And I don't know if you're like me, but I love a mindful moment.
So let's get right to it.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
Or a therapist you can call after a long day.
Or a mental health coach you can lean on for advice.
Someone to help you see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace, a podcast where I sit down with Headspace experts and we answer your questions.
Hi, Eve. Hi, Ryan. Hi.
Hello. OMG, Ryan, it is your first time on Dear Headspace.
So I mean, on behalf of both Eve and I, welcome.
Thank you both so much.
I could not be more excited to be here.
It's so cool, frankly, to be a part of this show and the incredible audience that you guys have built and all the amazing questions that get asked.
So I'm ready to jump in.
I'm laughing because I thought you were gonna say, thank you so much.
I couldn't have done it without you.
And I was like, you really couldn't, I guess, if you were going to think about it.
All right, you too.
Well, I mean, I don't know if you heard the little intro, but someone sent us a mindful moment for today's episode and I am so excited to dig into that.
But first we have a question from Carmela who's looking for help with her racing mind.
So here we go. I am Carmela from Colorado.
Throughout the day, I notice I am always silently counting or there are just random thoughts running through my head constantly.
It's exhausting and I would like help in quieting my mind.
Thank you. Oh, thank you for this question, Carmela.
So this is now she didn't give a lot of detail, so I think there's like a lot of ways we could look at it.
But I'm interested in your initial takes.
What do you all think?
Yeah, I mean, Carmela, thank you for asking this question.
I think you're probably asking this question on behalf of probably a lot of people, I would say, and that our minds can often feel really, really busy and and hectic.
And it can be quite overwhelming.
You mentioned counting and I'm not sure if that's something that you've been doing for a while or you've noticed it as a new thing.
But I just want to reassure you that having a busy mind isn't try not to worry too much.
Of course, as Robin said, you didn't share a huge amount of context.
So we're not 100 percent sure what's going on in your life.
But I think generally speaking, life tends to be pretty busy at times.
It can be quite stressful.
You might be managing a lot, taking care of others whilst working all of the above.
And naturally that can can leave the mind quite busy.
Something that I have found really helpful as I too struggle with a busy mind, an anxious mind, a worried mind.
Plus one. Plus a lot there.
And actually it was anxiety that got me into meditation many years ago.
When I'm feeling really restless like that, I try as much as I can to go for a walk.
When we're feeling overwhelmed, anxious, maybe overstimulated, getting out and moving can be really, really beneficial for us to calm nervous system and actually paying attention to the movement of your feet.
So you're quite literally coming out of your mind and into your body and paying attention to your surroundings.
And we're coming up on fall and autumn and it can be a lovely time to get outside, seeing the trees change color, and of course, get some movement to help come out of the mind and into the body.
Yeah, that's really lovely and wonderful.
I also was thinking along those lines of maybe it not being the most detailed of questions of like that line of is it getting in the way of your living?
And there's something to be said for she called in with the question, so I'm making the assumption it might be a little bit.
And then I wonder if maybe that might be time to talk to somebody because if it is starting to be something that is, you know, maybe a little compulsive or like, like I said, impeding your day to day.
What do you think about that, Ryan?
Yeah, well, it's one thing for these types of thoughts to get in the way of your meditation practice.
It's another thing for it to get in the way of you being able to work or communicate effectively.
So I think this is a great point.
For me, I found myself wondering because she sort of expresses it as if it's constantly happening.
And my question would be like, is that true in that sense of 24 seven, you notice yourself counting constantly or is it more the case that when things start to slow down or when things are quiet or maybe when you would like to be able to meditate, you find yourself more distracted?
Or an anxious moments like to even like I know sometimes when I'm anxious, I start going through details of things and because it calms me down like, well, if I get out at five o 'clock, if then if I do this, like those kinds of things sometimes I quiet my mind.
So it's like what, like to your point?
Yeah. And the other thing, though, is she asks about quieting her mind.
I wonder what her concept of a quiet mind is because for everyone, I think, would probably define this differently because even I'm sure you could speak to this as a expert meditation teacher.
But quiet mind is not necessarily no thoughts.
Yeah, right. And I think when people want what they might think of as a quiet mind, they hope that that's possible because I don't want to be counting all the time, right?
But for me, a quiet mind also might be an engaged mind.
I'm engaged in an activity or I'm engaged with a person that I really like talking to.
So if Carmela notices times in which she's not counting or when these thoughts are not coming up, I'd be really curious to know, oh, well, when do you find yourself more engaged and more present, assuming that those opportunities exist for you?
Because if that's true, then, you know, because like for me, when I'm playing basketball or playing with my dog or, as you said, going for walks, playing with my daughter, there are very few thoughts happening because I appreciate the ability to be present in those activities.
And to me, that's the quietest mind that I get to experience.
Yeah. Yeah, that's such a good point, Ryan, around how do you define a quiet mind?
Because as much as we try, we can't turn off our thinking.
In fact, the mind is designed to think.
And I think in your case, Carmela, it feels like there's just it's in overdrive a little bit.
And I think the point Ryan made around is it constant or is it only at certain points of the day, like bringing, yeah, a little awareness to that.
And I think, you know, meditation can be a really great tool in terms of helping to settle the mind down, where I'm thinking of the noting technique where we actually label a name thinking as it arises.
But of course, right now that that also may may be quite overwhelming, particularly if your mind is feeling really, really overactive and because you just have pages of notes.
Well, exactly. Yeah.
And I think it's really important to highlight, though, that even in meditation, if your mind is really busy, it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.
Yeah. In fact, you're actually cultivating more awareness of the quality of your of your mind and how you're feeling.
And of course, that sometimes can be quite uncomfortable depending on what's arising.
And Robin, I think it's really wise to point out, like if this is something that is truly interfering with with your day to day, your ability to focus, to engage with others, even your ability to get to sleep at night.
Yeah. Often when we're feeling overstimulated, it can be very hard to get to sleep.
It could be really supportive to potentially meet with maybe a therapist or a health care professional, particularly if you are navigating other difficulties in your life that you need that support on.
But I think as some tools on the show, we try to provide techniques, exercises that might be supportive.
Is there something in your life that you can re -engage in?
Yeah. That might be a hobby.
It might be spending more time with family, with friends, whatever that might be, as a way to really, I say, mindfully distract you because there is some there is some wisdom in redirecting our attention.
Yeah. To something that feels enjoyable.
Yeah. I mean, it's like to your point, like Ryan was talking about time with his daughter and some sports and stuff like I've spoken at length about how tennis does that for me.
It's such an engaged sport that I cannot think.
And I welcome that time to shut my very busy brain off and just be thinking about the tasks at hand.
You know, but at the same time, I also think about if I'm really anxious and lots of thoughts are swirling, sometimes like focusing on my breathing doesn't work.
It makes me more anxious.
But listening for different sounds and naming them and being like, that's this and that's this or looking for colors like those kinds of things help bring me back in the moment.
Just those quick turn easily to get back into your body.
And I've learned that all from you guys.
I just I'm going to cry over here.
Just kidding. No, I love that Robin.
And I think in many ways like society, I especially see this with my daughter with kids.
We are used to a lot of stimulation.
So in quieter moments, our brain sort of has to adapt to not having to think, plan, choose, do all the tasks that we might be asking of it on a regular basis.
So sometimes it's getting comfortable with quiet and even noticing that when I don't have to be doing anything, I don't have to also have the TV on.
I also don't have to be with another device in your hand.
Well, and you know, it's a little bit of a scapegoat, but I do think that there's a degree of discomfort with nonactivity that is happening for people for sure.
Yeah. That's actually making me think if you are finding that you're being pulled in many, many different directions, is there a way of maybe doing a little bit of a review on how many things you're actually taking on and doing?
And that is also taking in.
So that might be news, social media, things on the TV being asked or saying yes to too many things.
So it might be might be really supportive to look, am I actually doing too much?
Yeah. Because often when we're trying to please so many people and then take in everything that comes at us from news and let's be honest, watching the news right now is pretty stress inducing and even being on social media as well, I've recently taken a little bit of not a huge break, but I'm trying
to be a lot more mindful of my social media use because it was really starting to stress me out.
And so maybe that could be also helpful to you.
But in terms of a course you might find helpful, it's one of our OG courses, I should say.
There's something so funny about OG coming out of your glorious accent.
Yeah, and it's our managing anxiety course.
It's a really in -depth 30 -day meditation course.
Try the first day maybe and see how you go.
If it's making your mind feel even busier and it's not supportive, that's OK.
Come back to it maybe.
We also have some really lovely mindful walks, meditations in the app as well, which you could also find helpful right now.
Amazing. All right.
Well, thank you for your question, Carmela.
I mean, I think if nothing else, I hope you heard you're not alone.
So we're sending you support and a quiet mind.
OK, let's take our next question from Sandra.
Hi, I'm Sandra from Finland and my question is about death or particularly fear of dying.
So ever since I was a small kid, I sometimes been hit by this kind of fear or anxiety relating to death.
The idea that this all ends some day and there might be nothing after kind of consumes me and I just get very anxious and just a very dark feeling.
So I was wondering about your perspectives or maybe some tips on how to cope with that when that feeling hits, because it really kind of takes you to a negative place and disables you from enjoying the moment and really being in the present.
So I would appreciate your thoughts on this.
OK, right out of the gate, I've got to say something.
OK, at first I was like, well, this is a big life question.
This is a huge, like, you know, one of those questions that are hard to answer.
But then at the end, I thought when she said because it takes you to a negative place, I thought that's the part where I'm not necessarily sure that's true.
It could take you to a place of appreciation for life or for like, if this is all we have, I don't you know, I want to go big and enjoy my life in a responsible way.
Sandra, of course. But it's like, you know, it is a big question wrapped up in like, well, but is that part true?
I think you nailed it, Robin.
I thank you, Ryan. I so rarely do.
So I appreciate you.
I want to make sure you recall that.
I think because we we give meaning to our thoughts.
Right. We can decide when we have any kind of thought.
Oh, that's that was a weird thought that came out of nowhere, much like when a random song gets stuck in our head.
But we can also decide, oh, no, I'm thinking about death.
That's bad. That's scary.
I must be, you know, dot, dot, dot.
And we assign all these judgments and assumptions to ourselves because we're experiencing that thought.
But I think to your point, we don't have to if we were to treat this thought like a friend coming in to say like, hey, you know, I've been thinking a lot about dying recently.
How would we respond to that person?
Right. Would we kind of welcome it?
We say like, oh, my God, well, let's not think about that.
Let's go distract ourselves and do something else.
Maybe. But my sense in listening to Sandra is that this thought has a desire behind it, that she wants something good to come from this thought, whether that's I want to live my life fully, I want to feel like I'm doing something, you know, aligned with my values or passions.
Or I just want to feel joy and not feel like sad or scared.
That's you know, there's an ask in there.
You're right. Yes. And to be able to recognize, well, what is it that I want to see happen when I feel this fear or when I think about this, hopefully far into the future event that's going to happen?
What would I like to see myself do in response?
Right. Would I like to see myself?
You know what? I haven't called my mom on the phone in a little while.
You know, I haven't, you know, we're talking about hobbies before.
I haven't done that thing I used to do when I was a kid in a while.
And then, well, I have this thought about death sometimes, but I experience it and then I use it as a reminder to do things that I care about or do things to help me feel like I am taking advantage of the times that I have.
Yeah. Yeah. I think the thing that stood out to me most from Sandra's question was towards the end where she specifically highlighted it really takes me away from being present and doing the things that, you know, I enjoy.
And I think that's for me, maybe really the crux of her feeling and her question, because when we're fearful and scared and worried, it does.
It takes us away. It takes us actually far, far forward into a future where it's unknown.
Yeah. You know, unfortunately, the big the big unanswered question that we all have is, you know, is there anything else out there?
No, not talking about aliens.
Or are we? Are we? No, is, you know, when is our time up and is that it?
Yeah. And I am inclined to think there is something else, but I can't really put it into words.
Only that since I lost both my parents, there have just been little signals that I get.
That brings me a lot of a lot of comfort.
And I think the other thing that Sandra is really touching on is impermanence.
Right. Life is not permanent.
And that is the one fact, the one guarantee in our life.
And that can be a really scary thought that it's going to be all over at some point.
But I think it's also a very natural thought because what I'm also hearing from Sandra is she wants to be able to engage in life.
She wants to be able to enjoy what she has, appreciate it, feel gratitude with the people, her friends, her family.
And that's a really beautiful thing.
And when something feels like that might take us away from that, it's it's scary.
Yeah. And it's only natural that those feelings of of anxiety or worry might arise.
And so as I've been listening to you both and again, just reflecting on your question, this idea of equanimity comes to mind in meditation and mindfulness.
That really, for me, means a sense of like balance, steadfastness, wholeness, being at ease with whatever arises.
And it's a really lovely practice.
I'm actually doing a lot of it myself at the moment as I navigate some of my own ups and downs.
But I'll often say, you know, may I be at ease with whatever arises?
May I be calm and centered and may I be kind and patient?
And it just helps me to both calm myself down when things are feeling overwhelming, but also as that point to come back to.
So I actually, whilst this thought is valid, it's actually not helping me right now.
And actually, to your point, Sandra, around that, I want to be present, I want to enjoy things, you know, really put that attention into those things that bring you, bring you joy and you appreciate and can you truly be there?
Yeah, if all things are possible, right?
If all things are possible, there's like to Eve's point, like I'm starting to get some signs that maybe there's something else there or maybe there's nothing there, whichever comforts you, why not choose that one?
We're never going to know in this time what happens.
Like likely, we're not going to know what happens after we're gone.
So why not choose the thing that makes you feel best?
Like I choose to believe that there's, you know, matter can never be created nor destroyed.
And our souls are out there and my parents are with me somewhere.
And I often while walking or meditating will vision them standing behind me like very Harry Potter in the in that glass, you know, in the mirror, like just standing and being like, oh, you got this, you got this.
And that brings me joy to believe that they're there and they're rooting for me.
So is there a choice you can make, Sandra, that's like comforts you and helps you through those moments?
I love that Robin. And I also wanted to kind of validate Sandra's choice in feeling this fear and wanting to speak it out into the world, because for me, that is an example of a skill that Sandra that you already have, which is bravery.
Right. And bravery is that action in response to fear.
So if this is a skill that you have to be able to feel I'm having this really intense personal experience that is uncomfortable for me, I'm going to leave a voicemail for a podcast out there, you know, in the world to share this experience.
Like what a brave choice to acknowledge that that's worth doing.
And I think being able to take that course of action and apply it to the next time that you feel this fear, well, what is bravery?
What is courageousness look like for me now?
I'm experiencing this thought while I, you know, I'm out for a walk.
OK, well, maybe bravery is just keeping going for another mile and then turning around.
And maybe bravery is turning around and deciding actually what I need right now is rest.
That that is what helps me feel like I want to take care of myself.
And that's the value I want to lean into when I, you know, worry about what's going to happen.
Hopefully, again, a very long time from now.
Yes, a very, very long time from now, Sandra.
Yeah. Yeah. And I also heard a lot of care in Sandra's question.
This is coming from a really a place of care and of love and of wanting to have a long and fulfilling and healthy life.
And I think that is something, as Ryan said, to actually speak out some of your fears, because I think you'll be speaking on behalf of a lot of people, actually, especially in the world that we live in today.
And so those are really amazing qualities to have of care, of wanting to be present, of wanting to make an impact, connections.
And so I think those are really amazing values to come back to, particularly when you maybe are feeling the intensity of the experience of fear of death.
Yeah. Plain and simple.
But I should say plain but not simple.
Plain but very not simple.
But not simple. The most least simple thing that could be.
All right. Well, thank you so much for your question, Sandra.
We really appreciate it.
And we're sending love to you and peace with this with this question.
Hi, I'm Lale Arakogli, host of Women Who Travel.
This summer, we visit a remote Danish island with strong Viking roots.
So I think it was also part of the history you told yourself with strong women here, with strong women.
This is the culture of this island.
We've crossed the country with a baseball stadium chaser.
Some games could be a day game and then you drive to your next location and take in a night game.
And then you turn around and try to get to a day game.
And well, how can it be summer without at least one mouthwatering moment in France?
I'm in a country where there's all these wonderful cheeses and fruits and I tasted a white nectarine and it was small and ugly, but it just had a sweetness and a juice that shocked me.
Join me, Lale Arakogli, every week for more adventures on Women Who Travel.
Wherever you listen.
All right, well, welcome back.
And now as a special treat, we have a mindfulness moment from Claire.
Hi, my name is Claire.
I live in the UK. I haven't got a question, but I was listening to one of your Dear Headspace podcast the other day and somebody shared a mindful moment.
So I wanted to share mine.
In the mornings when I work from home, my husband takes the children to school and he gets them ready.
And I got up and I do yoga practice and then I do a 10 minute meditation.
This morning is Monday morning and we've just come back from a lovely weekend away.
And the weather was amazing, a little bit sad and being home and a bit tired.
Meditate. I could hear my husband getting cross with my son.
I could hear my son.
He's seven getting upset.
I couldn't really hear what they were saying.
I could just hear the tone.
And then I heard him run up into his bedroom and I was feeling cross because it was my time to meditate.
It was the only time I have and I opened my eyes and those clothes I'm going to try to meditate and I couldn't because I could hear him upset.
And I thought, I can't ignore him when he's upset.
So I stopped my meditation and I went through to him and I just held up my arms and he climbed into them.
He was crying. I could feel his heartbeat going so fast.
I put my hand on his heart and we just breathed and he calmed down.
And I suppose that was my meditation for the day.
And it was just kind of a lesson in bringing my meditation to my family who then all came and had a big hug with me and everybody calmed down.
And we're still sad about being home, but it made our day a little bit better.
So I just wanted to share that.
Thank you. I mean, thank you so much for sharing this Claire.
I got goosebumps in the middle of that because I was just like, this is so lovely.
Because it's not just a reflection on the meditation or whatever, but it is also about flexibility.
And when we are so stuck in like a way something needs to go and she just like went with it and in going with it, it made everything better for everyone or most everything.
Oh gosh, Claire, thank you so much for sharing that.
Like it's just so beautiful.
And I love what you said about bringing your meditation out into your family and that actually that was the practice.
And really, truly the reason we take time out to meditate is so that we can actually integrate that skill, that compassion, that awareness into our relationships, into our community and the world around us.
And it's just so lovely.
And just you breathe together.
I was just picturing you all in this huge group hug.
Cuddle puddle, as they say.
It's just so, so lovely.
And I think just so wonderful.
I'm lost for words right now because it's just so beautiful.
Yeah, beautiful is the right word.
And to me, the phrase that was coming to mind was just this sort of radical acceptance of the moment that even though, Claire, you were trying to meditate, which you deserve that time and you deserve that space, you recognize what was going on.
And that choice to go to your son was probably also coming from an internal value of, I show up for my family even when I'm trying to take time for myself.
And what a beautiful way to bring that meditation in to him and to your family.
And I was just thinking, wow, this is such a great example of acceptance because acceptance is, and she said it, we are still sad about being home.
And I think that's such a beautiful way to recognize what acceptance is.
It's not resisting the emotion, it's just saying this is now, this is our moment, this is reality, this is where we are, and we're still sad.
And that is just, she came to the beautiful conclusion all on her own, which is just beautiful to hear and grateful for her sharing with us.
Yeah, I'm thinking of all the times as a parent when I was just like, and I'm just trying to make something like a square fit into a round hole.
And I'm just, I want it to go a certain way.
And guess what? Everybody gets activated if I'm activated.
Like there's no help to be had if I come in hot.
And I know this from all the times I've come in hot yesterday.
So it's like, for me, like I'm so thankful that Claire sent this, because this is just such a reminder to me of the choice that I have in a moment.
I don't necessarily have to come in screaming like a banshee.
Because by the way, if I'm putting myself in Claire's shoes, I could have been super mad at my husband, because this is my meditation time, I could have been super mad at my kid, because like, come on, can't you just listen to your dad, like, and then I could have just, I probably still would have lost
the meditation. And then everybody would have been at a seven.
And then suddenly, that's when you're like, get the keys, we're getting out of house, like, it's like then you're, everything is like, my shoulders are up here.
So I just, that was so lovely as a reminder for me.
And it's again, it's not just as a parent, how many times in my day do I have choice to do something differently?
And maybe I don't. Yeah, I'm thinking here around that choice of reactivity, or response.
And so often when something presses our buttons, it's easy to get irritated, angry, frustrated and take it out on those people.
Like, you know, you're so selfish for ruining my meditation time.
This is all I get, you know, I do mornings, like all that.
Yeah. And of course that is like, as Ryan said, that's so valid to feel like, come on, this is my time, this is all I get.
And I totally can understand that.
But I'm also thinking of, we have this really, really lovely animation in the Headspace Act called the Impatient Yogi.
And it's so lovely because this animated yogi character is trying to do their meditation and they're sitting down and it's nice and quiet in the room.
And then suddenly someone comes in the door interrupting and they're like, it's OK, just ignore it, it's fine, my meditation time.
And then they keep interrupting and then they kind of blow up.
But actually the person was coming in to ask them for their advice on something.
And so the lesson here, the moral is, and really you demonstrated that so well, Claire, is that sometimes the most skillful choice and the most compassionate choice is actually doing something for someone else in that moment and knowing that when it comes to your practice, and I'm sure you know this,
that idea of a beginner's mind, maybe the practice on that Monday didn't go as you intended, but there's always the next practice.
Yes. And actually it sounds like you all got so much more from you actually not doing your practice and doing what you did.
And I think there is just so much skill and it's a real lesson and a reminder to me as well of not everything in life goes the way you want it to.
It sure does. I'm actually more often than not.
More often than not.
And I don't care for that, Eve.
Someone should do something.
I know. Come on. Give me the manager, could we please?
Yeah, come on, please.
Wherever they are. It's not what I ordered.
Well, I mean, I just want to say thank you to Claire for sharing the mindful moment because I know that if that was a reminder for us, that was a reminder for everyone.
And just to be able to have a moment slowed down and to see a different choice.
That's invaluable. So we're so thankful.
I mean, and I just also like what a lovely and delightful way to end the episode, right?
It's just so nice. Even in the hard moments, we can stop and we can make a different choice.
Yeah, I would say if anyone else wants to share, you know, their mindful moments, that's, that's a really lovely way for us to not only talk about it, but also hear like, how are you actually integrating practices into your life?
I think that's, that's so, so lovely.
Yeah, amazing. And I also, I want to let folks know as we're, as we're getting ready to say goodbye to you, which always makes me sad, but, but happier for having had the conversation.
But I just want to let people know that Headspace is now offering mental health coaching in the Headspace app.
And once you sign up, this is what's so lovely about it.
You're connected with a trained expert, someone just like our new friend Ryan here, and they provide live one -on -one care and support.
Thank you, Robin. And I think what's great about that is it's an option of help on your time and from anywhere.
So whatever you're going through, your coach is there for you every step of the way.
Absolutely wonderful.
And I want to give a huge shout out to Carmella, Sandra, and Claire for your questions and that mindful moment today.
And if you'd like to ask a question or share a mindful moment with us, all you have to do is head to sayhi .chat.
And you're going to follow those prompts to record.
The link is of course in the show notes.
And if we are able to use your question onto your Headspace, you're going to get three months of Headspace for free.
I mean, it's just a win -win -win.
It really is. And I think to Claire's mindful moment, look at how that's impacting her family as well.
So definitely take Robin up on that offer.
And now is really one of my, yeah, it's my favorite part of Headspace, even though we're coming to the end of the episode, it's a time where we offer you a little moment to transition from all that you just heard.
And it's an opportunity to process, reflect, or even just be still before you move onto the next thing in your day.
So here are the peaceful sounds of a windy day at a lake.
As you listen, let your mind do whatever it wants to do.
Until next time, stay happy.
Stay healthy. And be kind to each other.
Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer and Sarah Cohen and produced by Taylor Jennings Brown.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Rosie Acosta, Keisunga Giscombe, Dora Kamau and Eve Louis Prieto.
Post -production by Dan Kroll, music by Scott Sorensen and Chris Marguilla.
It was developed by Ash Jones, Scott Sorensen, Robin Hopkins and Baron Farmar.
And a special thanks to Danny Kerasimi and Colleen Lutz.
