I am fully in the middle of an allergy attack right now.
I sat down to record like 20 minutes ago and immediately started sneezing uncontrollably, sneezing over and over and over again.
And after like 60 sneezes, I was like, I have to do something.
So I took my allergy pill earlier than normal because I do have seasonal allergies.
Although it's starting to feel like they're not seasonal and they're just year round allergies.
Yeah, they're they're not specific to one season anymore.
When I was a kid, I used to get them, like, during the spring because there's all this pollen.
Now I just constantly have really, really severe pollen allergies.
Anyways, and so I took my allergy pill.
I normally take it in the afternoon.
Not today. Needed to pop it early, so I popped it early.
And then my ears started itching and burning, so I went and got some cortisone cream and put that in my ears with a Q -tip, life hack if your ears are itchy from having allergies.
By the way, one of the worst feelings in the world, having itchy inner ears.
Oh my god, and it happens to me all the time.
And sometimes it's so excruciating that I have to make a horrible sound like this.
I'll do it for you right now.
Are you ready? I have to snort like that because it for some reason, itches the inner ear, and you can't get your finger in there to itch, so you have to snort and vibrate your inner ear through the snorting to itch it.
It's a catastrophe.
So yeah, I just got over a little allergy attack, but I still feel it.
My ears are still itchy, my nose is still itchy, I'm on the verge of a sneeze, it is just a mess, okay?
But the show must go on, and it will.
So with that that being said, welcome back to Advice Session.
A series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on.
And I give you my unprofessional advice, and today's topic is how to face moral dilemmas.
Okay, we're faced with them every day.
We're faced with them every day.
The moral dilemma is always a little different.
it feels like, you know.
We rarely get the same one twice.
But every time, we're forced to find the best way forward.
And it's not easy. And that's why today, I am going to give you some unprofessional advice on how to face yours.
So without further ado, let's begin.
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Now back to the episode.
Somebody said, I found out my friend's boyfriend sent a naked picture of her to his group chat.
Do I tell her? How do I tell her?
She's so in love with him.
Ooh, this is really hard.
It is a horrible feeling to know something about your friend that you know will hurt them, but that you know is wrong not to tell them.
And I've noticed in life, people tend to have two complete opposite perspectives when it to telling your friend about their romantic relationship, right?
Some people are like, don't ever get involved like the golden rule is just don't get involved.
And then some people are like, no, you have to get involved.
Like, if you know something, you have to tell your friend.
That is being a good friend.
And I just noticed throughout my life, it seems to be like a 50 -50 split.
But I tend to fall on the side of to be a good friend is to tell them.
That's where I tend to fall I'd say 90 % of the time.
And I would say in this specific scenario, I think you need to tell your friend.
Because here's the deal.
There's a really high chance that your friend doesn't want her nude in the group chat.
Listen, is there a chance that your friend doesn't mind and is like, hey, I'm proud of this nude.
Show all your fucking friends.
I don't give a fuck.
You know, some people are like that.
In fact, if I took a really good nude, I would tell my boyfriend to shows friends.
I'd be like, fuck yeah, it looks really good.
Unfortunately, I don't take nudes because I'm too afraid of having them on my phone.
And something about it just has always felt kind of ingenuine to me like inauthentic to me as a person.
and I've never been somebody who really takes nudes.
But, but, I think if you were to put yourself in your friend's shoes in this scenario, I would assume that you would also wanna know.
And that's a good test.
Like, should I tell my friend about this?
Should I not? Put yourself in your friend's shoes.
If you were them would you wanna know?
Of course you would.
We always wanna know what's going on.
If something's happening behind our back, we wanna know.
And there's a really high chance that this is happening behind your friend's pack.
She's unaware of it, and this isn't okay with her.
This wouldn't be okay with her, right?
You gotta tell her.
But I do think it's important to tell her in the right way, okay, this is a very sensitive situation.
It sounds like your friend really loves this boy.
You wanna handle this tactfully.
You wanna communicate it tactfully.
And there are some ways to do it wrong, right?
You don't wanna tell her in front of anyone else, okay?
That would be bad, right?
You want to tell her in private.
That's number one number two.
You want to communicate it Gently and you want to communicate it Honestly, right like you don't want to make light of it.
You don't want to make a joke of it But you also don't want to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be like you want to present this information to her in a way that is Gentle and calming and because she might freak out, right?
Let her be the one who dictates the energy of the conversation, okay?
Don't come in and be like, oh my God, oh, I'm so sorry I found this out.
Oh my God! Like, be like, hey, you know, I'm gonna be honest, I found out about something.
And if I were you, I would really want to know about it.
And there's a chance that you don't mind or that, you know, you guys have talked about this and this is totally fine or whatever.
But I have to tell you, because it would feel wrong if I didn't.
Your boyfriend sent your nude into the group chat.
I found out about it.
And I just had to tell you and I'm I'm sorry if this is something that upsets you but I really Felt like it was my duty as a friend to let you know That's all you have to say do it in private Say it gently say it really calm and rational like I just did and then you go from there and then you just be a supportive Friend from there.
I really do think because this is something that is Usually wrong like that's kind of an objectively wrong thing to do.
Like I think 99 .9 % of people would look at that and say, that's not right.
And when that's the case, I think you can safely tell your friend about it and not worry about overstepping.
If it's an objectively bad thing to do, I think it is generally considered wrong to share someone's nudes when they shared those nudes with you in confidence and private, right?
So I would say, tell your friend.
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Okay. Next somebody said, I hate my job.
I don't agree with the ethics of the company.
But I desperately need the money.
I feel like I'm betraying myself.
What do I do? Well, to start, I would say you're not betraying yourself.
You're doing what you have to do.
This is how life works.
We have to work, and sometimes we have to work somewhere that we don't want to work for survival.
So don't feel bad, don't feel guilty, don't feel betrayed by yourself.
Reframe the situation that you're in right now.
You know your morals and your values.
values, it's clear that you're connected to what they are.
That's an incredible thing, okay?
The fact that you are aware of the fact that your job goes against your morals and values only confirms your morals and values, right?
And that's a beautiful thing, I think.
Your job doesn't reflect those morals and values.
Your feeling about the job does.
So find confidence in the fact that you know how you feel about this job.
You know what I'm saying?
You aren't the problem.
You're not doing anything wrong.
You're just showing up to work because right now this is your job and that's totally okay.
You are not the CEO of the company.
You are not the founder of the company.
You are not responsible for what this company does.
This is not your weight to bear.
So let that go. and also understand that this is just a stepping stone in your life getting you to the next step in your career.
This is not your career.
This is a stepping stone in your career.
Every single person on this planet, I think probably at some point in their lives, work a job that in some way goes against their morals or values.
Or, they work a job that they look back on later and they're like, Oh god, like that was so bad for my spirit.
Like this is a common part of the career journey I look back at my career and I have moments like that where you know maybe I I did something that Ended up not being right, maybe went against my morals or whatever like we've all done it We've all done it good luck finding somebody who hasn't I think this is a common challenge.
I think What is valid in true though is like working a job that goes against your morals and values is bad for your spirit right It's bad for that was really spiritual.
It's bad for your spirit the fuck.
I Sound like like a psychic or something.
It's really bad for your spirit, baby Let me pull another taro and then I pull another one and then Anyways, yeah, it just it doesn't make you feel good so I think to to sort of put power back into your hands, into sort of, I don't know, feeling control of the situation, I think just start dedicating a little bit more of your energy to figuring out your next step, you know?
A current, maybe unfavorable situation feels a lot less horrible when you're working towards moving on from it.
So, I would say focus as much energy as you can right now to figuring out your next step, figuring out how you can leave this job.
And it's not gonna happen overnight, and that's okay.
But just working towards it, I think, is enough to sort of, I don't know.
Again, I hate to talk about the spirit again.
I mean, we're really getting into the spirit.
But it will be good for your spirit and your soul to be working on the next step in your career that has nothing to do with this job that sort of goes against your morals and values.
Next, somebody said, I really want to date, kind of low -key, am dating, my ex -boyfriend's best friend.
Oh wow, I'm scared of what other people might think.
What do I do? Well, to start, I kind of think that vibe is hot.
It is a little messy, but there's something about it that I have fantasized about before.
Like, I'm not gonna lie, after breaking up with every boyfriend I've ever dated, afterwards, I've fantasized about dating their friends because of how like satisfying it'd be and how angry would make them and it's totally petty and It's totally messy, but I've always fantasized about it and you're living my fantasy so good for you However, it is a bit complicated, right?
It is Listen, even though you might be living my dream.
This is still a really complicated situation I am sort of perplexed by the fact that Like, how are you dating your ex -boyfriend's best friend right now?
They can't be best friends.
If they were truly best friends, this would not be happening.
So something is going on with the friendship and it's not good.
That friendship, like I think I need to be giving advice to the two boys in that friendship.
Not you. Because their friendship sounds a bit corrupt.
I think everyone knows that it's not great to date your best friend's ex, to date your acquaintance's ex, to date your friend that you hang out with once a year's ex. It's still a bit messy, but I don't know, like it's like whatever.
It's obviously not ideal.
It's a bit uncomfortable, but there's only so many options of who we can date in our local community.
And sometimes things become a bit I almost use the word incestual but we do not want to use that word and that's not even what I mean.
Yeah, sometimes you end up sharing, you know what I'm saying?
It just sometimes you end up swapping.
It just happens. But best friends that's that's not your fault, you know?
Like I don't think you're really doing anything wrong.
Once you break up with somebody, you kind of don't owe them anything anymore, you know?
And if you end up falling in love with their best friend, it's not, in my opinion, your job to say, well, you know what, that's morally wrong.
I'm not, you know, this was my ex -boyfriend, you don't really owe anything to your ex -boyfriend anymore.
It's up to the best friend of your ex to do the right thing in their eyes, right?
I really don't think it's your job to handle that situation.
However, if I were you, I would sort of see it as a red flag that the guy that you're dating now is best friends with your ex and he's dating you anyway.
He's not very loyal to your ex, his best friend, you know, that's kind of a red flag to me.
It's a sign of his loyalty and I don't love that.
So that's definitely something to keep in mind.
However, maybe you too are soulmates and like, Like, for whatever reason, the universe put your ex and his best friend into your life as the middleman to bring you together.
Like, who am I to say, right?
I think a lot of this depends on how serious these relationships are.
You know, how deep is his friendship with your ex?
How deep was your relationship with your ex?
How deep is your relationship between the two of you?
Like, how serious are all of these relationships?
Because, depending on the severity of each relationship, you know, the morality of the situation sort of changes, right?
If you two are soulmates and both of your relationships with your ex and his best friend are were not that deep and not that serious or potentially even like deeply flawed or something like that, then it's not that wrong to me.
I'm like, that's fine.
But if you had a beautiful beautiful relationship with your ex, and like you're still friends and it's like this beautiful thing and You know you truly like loved each other and you want to remain friends after and all this and like the guy that you're dating now You know they've been best friends since they were two years old and and they've helped each other through life And they had a friendship then it's like oh, this is really messy and not great I can't safely say that what's happening is necessarily morally right and good.
At the same time, it's not really your job though to manage their friendship.
You don't owe anything to your ex. Let's focus on that perspective.
Ask yourself why you're scared of what people might think because that's what you said.
You said, I really want to date and I kind of low -key am dating my ex boyfriend's best friend.
I'm scared of what other people might think what do I do?
You're not asking me like how do I make this official?
You know, whatever you're asking me.
What do I do because I'm afraid of what other people might think Why are you afraid of what other people might think?
Why are we ever afraid of what other people might think?
well I mean It's a very normal human thing but what I've noticed, at least in myself and my loved ones, is we tend to be self -conscious when we deep down are insecure about something, or we know it's wrong, or we know it's bad.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I tend to be self -conscious about things that warrant, or not warrant, I shouldn't say warrant.
I don't think I'm irrationally self -conscious.
And people would say, No, Emma, like, don't be self -conscious about that.
Like, that's, it's totally fine.
I think, usually when I'm self -conscious about something, it's because, like, it's actually rational and valid.
It's like, no, you know, that isn't ideal.
That isn't great. Whatever.
I don't know. So like, you're scared of what people might think because you, deep down, know that it feels wrong.
It feels wrong to you.
it goes against your moral compass that is why you're worried about what other people might think if you felt confident in the fact that dating this person was like the right thing to do in your life if you could you'd be putting it up on billboards you know what I'm saying because you'd be so excited you know that this isn't quite right something about it isn't sitting right with you okay and so now you're faced with a choice option number one is to find confidence in your choice.
Because you love this boy.
You truly want to be with him and you aren't doing anything terribly wrong and neither is he.
Or you can honor your feelings of discomfort and moral hesitation and cut things off.
And just deal with the heartbreak and find someone else.
You'll find someone else.
But I think that that's sort of the choice that you have to make, you know?
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Next, somebody said, I have a weird 60 year old math teacher that calls me baby.
What do I do? So let's go ahead and talk to the school counselor about that one instead of asking a podcaster that didn't even finish high school and definitely didn't go to college.
This is something to talk about with the school counselor, this is something to talk about with your therapist, this is not something to discuss with me.
However, I'll still give you advice on what I would do if I was in this situation.
I guess I'm not gonna give you advice because I think my only the only advice that I can give in good faith is Go talk to the Administration at your school go talk to the school therapist go talk to the principal go talk to somebody and say this is a little Bit weird.
I don't think it's professional.
It's making me a little bit uncomfortable This teacher's a little bit eccentric Just wanted to put it on your radar and and let you know that is obviously the right thing to do However, if I was in this situation, this is what I would do, and I'm not saying that this is right.
I'm just saying that this is exactly what I would do.
I like, and again, I'm not saying it's right, okay, because I think going to the principal or going to the school counselor or going to, you know, administration, that's obviously the right thing to do.
However, I, knowing myself in high school, would've handled things differently.
I feel like what I would have done is, because I was kind of, I wasn't like a troublemaker or anything, but I I did sometimes have a little bit of an attitude for some reason but I also like I also don't want to demonize somebody or like if they genuinely are not meaning any harm right I don't want to get someone in trouble just because they're weird or like whatever and I'm not it's not okay to be calling you baby okay that's weird right however if this is some sort of like six year old Italian man is like come on baby you know this like if But that's how he's saying baby.
It's very clearly not sexual.
It's not sexual. It's not inappropriate necessarily.
It's still, you know, it's not ideal.
He probably shouldn't be calling you baby.
But if it's in that way, to me, it's not dangerous.
It's not as dangerous.
It's just maybe a bad practice.
And so how I might have handled it when I was in high class or something or like, when he called me, baby, I'd be like, you know, you're going to get in trouble one of these days.
You can't, you can't be calling people that.
I would just check him on his shit in person.
Is that the right way to handle it?
No, you should go to administration, but that's probably what I would have done.
I would have given him a chance, in a way, and been like, you can't say that.
And he would have been like, what do you mean?
I've been saying this for generations.
I'm Italian. And by the way, I don't know, I just think of like, like a really like warm Italian like grandfather vibe when I think of somebody like calling you baby in a way that's like not sexual and harmless.
Like, that's what I think of in whole.
And if that's the case, great, because that's not truly harmful.
It's still not, you know, maybe okay, but it's not dangerous.
You know what I'm saying?
And so I would check him in person just because I think, too, like, if that's the case, and And if, you know, if you can be of help and be like, hey, we don't say that, right?
Let's not say that.
And here's why, you know, if we can do that, great!
Again, school, I still, I do think it's best to run it by the administration, but that's how I would have handled it.
And then if he continued doing it and it was making me uncomfortable, still, I would say, you know what, enough's enough.
and I'd go and I would have told administration, but I probably would have done the confronting myself first.
But I don't think that works for everybody, and I don't think it has to.
In a school environment, it is supposed to be one of the safest environments.
So if someone's doing some weird shit, you got to report it.
You got to report it.
Okay. Moving on. How to tell your roommate that you're moving in with your boyfriend friend next year.
I don't want to put her in a bad spot, but I need to move forward with my life.
I feel bad. Well, to start, there's absolutely nothing to feel bad about.
You are doing nothing wrong.
There is nothing wrong about what you're doing, so stop feeling bad.
There's nothing more useless than feeling bad about something that we don't need to feel bad about.
There are moments in life when we should feel bad.
We did something wrong.
We heard somebody's feelings.
This is not something to feel bad about.
That doesn't mean it's uncomfortable, though.
This is a very uncomfortable situation.
And it is, you know, a situation that will cause unfavorable feelings, your roommate is going to be sad, you might be sad, you probably less so because you are excited about moving in with your boyfriend.
You know, you get to have cuddle time every night.
How fun is that? No one's home.
Just you guys, so much fun.
It's like playing house so much fun.
You're not that sad.
They are going, your roommate's going to be sad.
You know, your roommate is going to be sad.
And so, you know, to an extent, you can feel a level of, like, oh, you know, I don't like making anyone feel sad.
But at the same time, like, you're not doing anything wrong.
So don't feel bad. Don't feel guilty.
Be aware of the fact that yes, you know, it may cause some some sadness in your in your roommate.
And yes, it may cause some sadness for you.
But ultimately, it's for the better and it's a normal part of growing and moving through life.
And I think the best thing that you can do is have the conversation as soon as possible.
Don't put it off to the last minute because then you actually have something to feel bad about.
If you screw your roommate over because you don't tell them until the last minute that you're not gonna live together next year, that's when you need to start feeling bad because that's not fair to them, right?
So tell them immediately and be like, I'm so sorry.
You know, like I've been talking to my boyfriend.
We made this decision.
I'm going to miss you so much.
Like it's been such a joy.
Like, and then if you're still feeling bad and you really want to help out even more, offer to ask the leasing person in your building that you're moving into with your boyfriend, if they have any open units, offer to help your friend find a new roommate, like offer to help make a plan on how you both can stay connected, whether it's like, why don't we live in the same building?
That would be fun. Or if that's not an option.
and maybe we live in the same neighborhood, on the same block.
You know, there's ways that you can lessen the blow and make it less of like a depressing thing that you're no longer roommates, like I think helping them in their process moving forward, making a plan on how to maintain the friendship, you know, potentially planning to even live kinda close together.
Like all of these things can lessen the blow for both of you and make it less traumatic for both of you, I think there's something to be said for presenting bad news with good news.
A lot of us don't think to find a silver lining or to find a way to lessen the blow.
We're like, oh god, we have bad news.
We just have to present the bad news, and that's it.
You can get creative and find good news to pair with the bad news, and I try to do that whenever I can.
If I'm going to somebody and telling them something that they're not going to want to hear, I'll pair it with something that actually they would want to hear.
I don't think we can be roommates next year, but there's an open unit in my building and maybe you could check it out this weekend.
Like, do you see what I'm saying?
There's different ways that you can put a positive spin on it and I think by doing that, you'll lessen the blow and it won't be so bad.
next," somebody said, and I'm sorry that now you can hear the allergy attack in my nose and in my throat but let's just ignore that.
Somebody said, I'm in college studying something that I'm good at but I don't love it.
How do I tell my parents?
I'm scared that they'll be disappointed in me.
Well to start, you're the one who has to live this life okay?
You're the one who has to go to school every day, study this topic, do the homework, take the and ultimately get the job that you're gonna work for the rest of your life in.
Perhaps potentially if you know, that's kind of what you're working towards right now.
So, you're the one who has to live this life.
Not your fucking parents.
You have to live this life for the rest of your life.
And it's important to respect our parents opinions and hear them out, but at the end of the day, it's your fucking life and you're an adult.
And obviously we want to impress our parents.
We wanna please our parents.
we want to make them proud, but it's not actually right of them to try to control our future.
They should be open -minded.
And if they're not, they're in the wrong in my opinion.
In my opinion, your parents are in the wrong if they judge you for shifting directions, changing your path.
I think that that's wrong.
Just because they're your parents doesn't mean that everything that they do is right.
And them being disappointed in you because you want to take your life in a different direction to me is wrong.
As long as you're not doing something that's self -destructive, I don't think that they can ultimately be disappointed in you.
I mean, I guess they can but I don't know that it's fair to inflict that upon you, you know.
They just, they have to get over it.
They have to either get over it, or they have to put a strain on the relationship between you and them which is so harmful and unnecessary, you know?
Unless you're doing something that's destructive to their lives or to your life, it is not good parenting for them to like cut you out, you know what I'm saying?
So like find confidence in the fact that you're doing the right thing by maintaining control of your own life, living life for you, and making this decision because it's what's going to be the most fulfilling for you, because you're the one who has to live this goddamn life.
You got to do it, okay?
Not that. We love your parents, but you can be firm with your parents.
You can tell your parents that they're wrong.
You can tell your parents that they're overstepping.
You can tell your parents that what they want for your life is not what you want for your life.
That is all okay. They are or they were your authority for many years, but they're not anymore.
You are now your own authority.
And part of that is taking responsibility for your decisions and also making decisions yourself.
That is a part of being a functioning adult, making decisions based on your own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.
Breaking away from your parents, that is a part of being an adult.
When you're a kid and you're living under their roof and they're your bills, you do kind of have to do what they say.
Now you don't. And to truly mature is to truly break free from your parents and their beliefs and their ideas about your life.
And this is a great sign that you're questioning some of their beliefs and you're like, okay, this isn't right for me.
And so this is a conversation that you need to have with your parents.
Embrace yourself for disappointment.
They might be disappointed, but find confidence and comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing.
Okay. I also think, like I mentioned earlier, it can be really helpful and it can really soften the blow to your parents to present a bit of good news with the bad news.
Okay, so if you know that this was going to be bad news for your parents because they really wanted you to study this topic, they really wanted you to go into this field for your career, find a way to present them with good news instead of just saying like, I'm dropping out.
I'm not doing this major anymore, I'm going to do a different major, I'm going to major in something else.
I want to go on a different career path." And that's it.
Instead of just saying that, say, I'm switching my major, I'm going on a different career path now, but you know what?
I'm really excited because I'm going to major in this now, and I'm really excited because this is what I want my career path to be.
And I actually just started talking to this company about an internship.
Like, before you present it to them, take some action in the step of, you know, where you want to go in your life, so that you have something promising to present to them.
You don't necessarily owe that to them but I think it could lessen the blow and be very positive.
It could potentially reframe it for them.
And just remember that whatever comes of that conversation is necessary for the sake of of your quality of life in your well -being, because this is your life, okay?
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Next, somebody said, my bestie is hanging out with a guy with a million red flags recently.
Do I say something to her?
Okay. As I mentioned earlier, I tend to be someone who believes in communication.
Like if I see something wrong, if something feels off, I just say it.
As I mentioned earlier, it tends to be like a 50 -50 split.
Some people believe don't get involved in your friends or loved ones romantic situations because it just always goes wrong.
And other people are like, if I was in their shoes, I'd want to know if some shit was going awry, okay?
And so, you know, I feel it's the right thing to do to communicate.
For the most part, I tend to fall in that category.
As I mentioned earlier, I tend to believe it's better to tell your friend because if I was in that situation, I would want to know, however, in this case, I'm a bit less sure, you know, like, I can't safely say, you should just tell them, because red flags are technically subjective.
Right? Like, a red flag to you might not be a red flag to me, and vice versa.
It depends, right? great.
To some people, shyness and mysteriousness is a red flag.
To other people, it's an exciting challenge.
Like I'm going to crack this person open and find out who they truly are, and I don't mind that.
To some people, a red flag could be a certain type of sense of humor.
But then to other people, it might be a green flag, like, oh my God, I think this person is so funny.
Red flags vary in severity.
So it's harder to say, but I do think that there are some objectively wrong red flags.
We would all agree that these things are wrong.
For example, cheating in some way, not being loyal.
Disrespect is obviously objectively wrong.
Lying is obviously objectively wrong.
If you know that this guy is actively doing things that are objectively wrong to her, I think it's OK to gently bring it up and be like, hey, you know, you can do whatever you want, and I know you really like this guy.
But I, as a friend, am watching him mistreat you, and it really bothers me.
And like I just, I can't stand idly by.
Like I have to bring it up to you and tell you that like you don't deserve this shit.
You deserve somebody who treats you like a little princess.
You deserve to be treated with love and respect, because that's how you treat other people, Well, assuming that your friend is a beautiful angel.
Although, you know, she might not be.
But you know, if the red flags are a bit less obvious, they're a bit less intense, they're a bit less glaringly obvious, I would say a lot of times it's better for people to find out for themselves that someone isn't right for them, because usually that's what they're going to do anyway.
Like, you can bring shit up to them, but they're just going to end up figuring out on their on their own anyway.
They're not going to listen to you.
Because in the case of like love and romance and lust, good luck.
It's so tough. Like, it's really hard to break through and be heard.
Like, even when somebody is treating you wrong.
Like, I remember in the past, I've been dating guys who have maybe sort of not treated me the best and people have told me like, Hey, I don't like that.
Like, I don't like the way that they treat you.
I saw the way that they said that to you.
I saw the way that they handled the situation.
I heard that story about what they said to you.
Whatever. And like, that doesn't sit right with me.
And guess what I said?
No, no, but, but they're so but they, but I love them and they, this was just like an off day for them and I made excuses.
So it's like, and it actually if anything made me resent them in the moment.
Now in retrospect, I'm like, you were totally right, but I had to figure it out on my own.
I had to touch the stove long enough, and get burned bad enough to learn that I shouldn't touch the stove.
Sometimes you have to, you know, play in the knife drawer to realize that playing in the knife drawer is a bad idea.
And that you shouldn't do it again.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, that's how we grow.
That's how we learn through experience.
A lot of us struggle with like, a lot of us, like hear advice, and we're like, okay, and we end up making the mistake anyway, we don't follow the advice.
But the advice sticks with us, and it's not all bad, right?
It makes us aware of, you know, huh, okay, I'm going to pay attention to, like, maybe they are right, but I don't care, because I'm going to do what I'm going to do anyway.
But then later it only further sort of solidifies like, oh, shit.
I don't want to do that again.
I got that advice. I should have followed it.
I didn't. I learned the hard way.
Now I'm here. Now I know even more, certainly, that I should never do that again.
And so, So, I don't know.
I think you can maybe subtly give some advice or even ask, is it a Socratic question?
Yes, it is a Socratic question.
You know, you can ask your friend sort of Socratic questions, which if you don't know what a Socratic question is, Socratic questioning is a method of asking and answering questions to explore ideas and debate logical responses.
It's a collaborative process that involves asking open -ended questions to encourage people to think critically.
So instead of like saying, Hey, I don't really think it's good how that person is treating you.
Instead, you say, how does it make you feel when that person does this to you and you let them answer and you let them come to the conclusion, you know where I learned this from my dad because this is what my dad does to me instead of like my mom will tell me like, sorry, like that is fucked up.
Like, I don't like the way that that person treats you, or, oh, I don't like that.
I don't, I don't like your hair like that or like whatever my mom will just tell me.
My dad, on the other hand will be like, how do you feel about your new haircut?
Or how do you feel when that person talks to you that way?
Or how are you doing with that person?
And then I'll answer and be like, well, I don't really like my haircut.
Like it's, it's not, it's not great.
And I, I've been feeling kind of self -conscious about it.
Or, you know, I don't know, like when that person talks to me like that it makes me feel small and it makes me feel disrespected and I really don't like it or whatever.
And then from there, he'll be like, well, what kind of haircut are you gonna get next?
What do you think would look better?
Or what are you gonna do about that?
How are you gonna handle that situation with that person?
And then I end up finding a solution myself.
And that is far more empowering and far more helpful than just being told what to do, because number one, it's less personal, you know, it's not like, we all need to handle situations differently, right?
Because we're all very different.
So there are moments when somebody will tell you like, this is how you need to handle the situation.
And that's what worked for them.
But what would work for you is actually a bit different.
And only you can figure that out through Socratic questioning, you can actually figure that out quicker, because you're being asked, and you're being forced to answer.
And through the answering, you're figuring that out yourself.
So you're you know, oh, ow, sorry.
I was being very expressive with my hands, and talking with my hands, and then my cat bit my little finger.
Because he thought it was a little sausage.
It's not a little sausage.
It's my finger. It's my finger.
Let's not bite it anymore.
Okay. We don't play like that.
We play nice. Anyway, that's the last one.
That's it for today's advice session.
I had a lot of fun.
As always, I was on the verge of a sneeze the entire episode.
The second I stopped recording I'm just gonna sneeze for the next hour.
But I had a lot of fun and I hope you did too.
And if you did tune in to Anything Goes Every Thursday and Sunday, episodes are available anywhere you stream podcasts and video episodes.
So you can watch me and hang out with me with your eyes.
Video episodes are available on Spotify and on YouTube.
So check it out. And And Anything Goes is on social media at Anything Goes.
I'm on social media at Emma Chamberlain, and my coffee company is on the internet at Chamberlaincoffee .com and at Chamberlain Coffee on social media.
And we are also in person at some grocery stores near you.
We're talking Whole Foods.
We're talking Target.
We're talking Sprouts.
We're talking Albertsons.
C4 in a store near you on the store locator, online, Chamberlaincoffee .com and that's all I have for today.
Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
It's always a joy. It's always a pleasure.
I also have to pee really bad, like I had to sneeze.
This entire episode I also had to pee for the second half.
I just need to sit on the toilet and fucking put my little legs up on the Squatty Potty and I just need to blow my nose.
And I need to just sit there and see what happens.
Yes I do put my feet up on the Squatty Potty even when I'm peeing.
I just love the Squatty Potty.
I love the way it feels.
Anyway, that's it for today.
Thank you all for listening and hanging out.
It's always a pleasure.
I love you all. I appreciate you all and I can't wait to talk to you very soon in a few days here on Anything Goes, the podcast.
Okay. Love you all.
Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye.
