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I have been listening to the Martha's Vineyard Beach and Book Club, which actually Elena recommended to me.
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Hey weirdos, I'm Ash. And I'm Alayna. And this is Morbid.
Very morbid. Super morbid. Yeah, this one's a morbid one.
Yeah, this is gonna be morbid. And this one's kind of fun because I don't see it covered a whole lot.
I've never listened to this case get covered, I don't think.
Yeah, I've just heard, I know Last Podcast on the Left did a great coverage of it, so...
After you listen to us, you should go check them out.
Last podcast on the left. Not on the right.
Other than that, maybe a couple have breezed over it, but this is one of those cases, and I'll tell you what it is in a second. that it's actually, like, shocking that this guy is not up there with, like, Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy.
Like, no, like... Notoriety-wise. He killed a lot of people.
And he was just, like, the whole thing is crazy.
So tonight we're going to be covering Robert Hansen.
AKA the... Bob the Butcher. Yeah, the Butcher.
The Butcher Baker. Bad Bob. And... Sideshow Bob.
Just kidding. Someone definitely called him that.
But we're going to be doing it in two parts because there's just a lot of information for this one and we don't want to skip over anything.
So we'll give you part one tonight. But yeah, this one, he's pretty brutal.
And it's just, he's unique. As you'll find out.
Yeah, I feel like a lot of unique things about this and it takes place in Anchorage around Anchorage, Alaska.
So that's kind of why. I think it hasn't become... Because it's like in the middle of nowhere.
Yeah, because it's like not in the lower 48.
You know what I mean? It's like... They just get lost in the shuffle when it comes to true crime, I think.
So we're going to be covering that today.
But first... I just wanted to say how freaking excited I am for Guillermo del Toro's real scary stories to tell in the dark.
Coming out now is my favorite. That is a great, great name.
Guillermo. Guillermo. But it's coming out, I think, August 9th, maybe?
But either way, it's coming out in August of this year, and...
For anybody, which I'm sure a lot of people listening to this grew up with those books...
They're sitting right in front of me in my bookshelf right now.
And I posted on the Instagram earlier some of my favorite illustrations by Stephen Gammill, the guy who illustrated those books.
And I just wanted to know everybody else's favorite ones, and it's been fun to see everybody else's, like, the ones that, like, ruined them as a child, because you- Oh, yeah.
I was looking through those books last night and like showing John because I don't think he was as into those books.
And I was telling him how excited I am for the movie.
As I would get to like a certain story and a certain illustration, I was like, oh my God, I remember this like... ruining me as a kid like this one picture i remember we used to bring them to like my after school program and i would be so fucking scared And then people would make up their own ghost stories about like our town.
Oh yeah. And be like, this sounds like what happened in our town.
And then I'd be like, what happened in our town? and then i was like i'm scared but tell me i'm not gonna sleep for weeks but tell me and then i legitimately did not sleep for weeks i wonder if kids do that anymore No, they probably just, like, read it on their stupid iPhones.
Now it's just creepypastas. Like, it's not, like, that's the, that was, like, the OG version of creepypastas.
They're actually just talking about creepypastas. on reddit right now yeah exactly but i think there's something to be said about like those old books I was, like, young.
I was, like, eight. Yeah, I was in probably third grade.
And I remember getting them, and I just remember that was my first introduction to, like... creepy things.
Those illustrations, the way he has the ink dripping, everything looks like festering and just really...
And just, like, everything looks like you're, like... Like, it's just... Even just the cover... like the skull on the cover yeah and there's just a couple of pictures that just stuck in my brain yeah and i still they still give me like I used to hate when someone would bring the book out because I'd be like, fuck.
But then I'd also be like, I can't wait.
Fuck me up, fam. Well, and I had mentioned in one of the things, because this did bother me, I read an article.
And it was this woman, because as I'm sure a lot of people know, these books were banned or on the banned list forever.
Oh, I'm sure. And... So recently in the last few years, they replaced the illustrations with somebody else's illustrations that are way tamer.
Not the same feel at all. But that's stupid.
I mean, fine illustrations, like the illustrator's a good illustrator, but...
Not a horror illustrator. Right. And it takes away everything from them.
So people were like outraged and they went back to them.
Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed. But this woman was writing an article saying that she doesn't think they should have gone back to the old ones because the old ones are horrifying and she doesn't understand why kids were allowed to look at them.
And I was like, girl, I'm fine. I grew up but one of her main things was she pointed out and she used the story Oh Susanna, which is a scary story and And she said, why did it get in that book?
I know it was scary. It was a scary story.
I don't know how it fit in there. That's so strange that they put a scary story.
It ended up in there. Weirdly enough. And somehow I remember it.
I don't know. Maybe because it was an outlier.
I don't know. But the visual that goes along with that story is like really abstract.
Wicked creepy. It's like this person in a creepy old wheelchair being led through the sky by this like weird eyeball that's like got all this flesh attached to it.
And on top of them is like this weird skull.
It's like all abstract and really weird.
Interesting. And she was like, this artwork doesn't even have anything to do with the story.
It's stupid that, like... at least the new artwork has the story in mind.
And I was like, no, you just don't know how to interpret it.
Just because it's not literal to the story doesn't mean it doesn't have anything to do with the story.
Yeah, it's art. And it's amazing art. It's like, no matter what, it made you like, it was jarring.
That one picture was like, I don't know what's going on here.
But I feel... But I want no part of it. But I feel unwell.
I feel unsettled. I need an adult. I don't know what's going on.
I feel unwell. so yeah that just i got all nostalgia fest today about it so i had to chit chat about it with people who would understand this you get us guys exactly Because I ranted about it to my husband last night.
And he was like, totally. And he was just trying to be really into it for me.
Because he's wonderful that way. But I was like.
Whenever we talk to him about true crime, he's just like, And he likes true crime, but he likes it to a certain extent.
He only wants the surface level of it. He doesn't want details. when we were talking about Marilyn Monroe's um autopsy photo and he was like I think it's her and we were like no it's not her he was like why are you guys so mad why are you upset about this you don't Forget it.
But yeah, that was my little tangent for the night.
Oh, I have a little tangent, too. Do you know what I did last weekend?
What did you do last weekend? I met Em and Christine from That's Why We Drink, and I didn't shit my pants. figuratively no wait literally but i did figuratively I went to their live show at the Wilbur and it was so good.
I'm so jealous. And I fangirled like really, really, really hard.
I love it though. Annie's the best girlfriend in the whole wide world.
And she got me tickets to meet them afterwards.
Which I love. and em gives like the best hugs like she gave such a good hug and i said like she just gives off that vibe that she just gives good hugs she does she's one of those people And Christine was, like, so nice.
I love that they're really nice in real life.
They're so nice. They were talking about, like, Annie's haircut or something like that.
I forget. And I was like, wait, but really quickly.
And then they didn't hear me because I was probably barely speaking.
I was probably just like. and then we like took a picture and it was almost over and I was like oh my god Elaine it's gonna murder me if I don't say this And so I said to Christine and she like, literally, cause I was like, clearly like, so like distraught.
She like held my hands. I think that's what he said.
And I was like, I don't want to be that person but I have a podcast too with my sister and it's like it's pretty good.
And people, people say that we should collab and I would really love to do that.
And she was like, Oh my God. Yeah. Like send us an email.
Like, She was so nice and I was literally like, I'm dead.
I'm deceased. I did everything but throw up. laugh on her it was fine which is good that's the line you want to not you know just walk up to yeah And not cross.
Yeah, you just don't throw up on people.
And then just don't cross it. I was so scared.
I'm so proud of you. Thank you. And I'm so glad you just like put a little earworm in there.
I did. And I feel like they're like one of the podcasts that I feel like we would just vibe well with.
Like I just feel it in my bones. Me too.
And I was just like so proud of them being up there.
I know, because you look at it and you, like, see where they came from.
And you're like, man. One of our followers... like answered my story because like i posted that i was there and they were like have so much fun that's so cool or like whatever and then they were like that could be you guys someday and then i was like oh my god i love that and i was trying to think of like me sitting on the stage at the wilbur and then i got even more nauseous and i just ordered another sangria and i was like I fully, fully am putting into the universe that that is happening.
I want it to happen, but also... Oh, I'm terrified at the thought that I want it to happen.
I'm just going to drool on stage the whole time if that ever happens.
I'm just going to let my awkward flag fly.
Just go with it. I'm going to need to be heavily medicated.
So yeah, we're going to put that into the universe, hopefully.
Someday we'll do a live show. Yeah, exactly.
And sell it out. They sold out the Wilbur.
We're going to sell out the Wilbur someday.
Someday. Someday When I'm awfully low And in the meantime We're in the process of kind of getting together our merch to throw up on the website.
Merch. We're just getting the last couple of numbers together so we know what to tell you guys, so we're not just throwing up things and being like, just order this right um so we are getting that done really quick so stay tuned for that we're gonna have a meeting soon we are gonna have a meeting soon about it.
How fucking legit does that sound? Legit.
I've never gone to a meeting except here I have.
I was gonna say, I feel like you have. I have.
And we're also going to be recording a Patreon bonus episode this week, which will be out next week.
So Patreon donors, Patronuses, keep a lookout for that next week.
We'll let you know when it's going to hit.
We're going to be shouting out our Patreon donors, our patronuses in our mini-sode this week.
Is your dog okay? If you hear some panting in the background, that is my dog.
It's not Ash. She has some booty troubles.
So she's just scooting around the floor right now.
Do with that what you will. Everything's going to be fine.
So we'll be shouting out our patronuses in the mini-sode this week, which will be out at the end of this week.
And we'll be an Ash-centric episode. Ash.
And I think on to the show. Right? Here we go.
So. In 1939, in Iowa, a beautiful little baby was born.
And his name was Robert. And he was born to parents Christian and Edna Hansen.
Oh, that's why his middle name was Christian.
Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. so yeah his dad was a danish immigrant and they owned a bakery the family So his dad was apparently super strict and made Robert work like super long hours at the bakery.
So Rob was apparently like a super skinny kid.
He had severe acne and a really bad stutter.
That's tough. And so because of that, he was pretty much a loner in high school and didn't date very much, if at all.
Bummer. One time he explained in an interview, quote, this quote is sad, but also I think I know which one you're talking about because I was actually like, oh.
Well, it's sad, but it made me laugh and I'll tell you why in a minute.
So he says, going back in my life, I was, I guess what you might call very frustrated.
I would see my friends and so forth going out on dates and so forth. and had a tremendous desire to do the same.
From the scars and so forth on my face, you can probably see I could see why girls wouldn't want to get close to me.
And so forth and so forth and so forth and so forth.
And so on and so forth. He said so forth so many times and I was done.
I was done. But also I felt really bad. Sorry, Rob. i know but like not sorry sorry but not sorry at all so he goes on to explain that he couldn't get his stutter under control and because of all that he just like really hated school that i mean that's sad i always feel bad when they start out with like something like that because you're like yeah you kind of didn't have a quick chance yeah my kids are so mean yeah and he was like tormented at school he said that's rough um also weird fact he was forced to be right-handed he like was supposed to be left-handed but oh yeah That was like a normal thing that they used to do back then.
They'd force the kid to be right-handed.
Well, I don't know whether or not he went to Catholic or private school or whatever.
But I know that a lot of times in Catholic school, they make you write with your right hand because the left hand is like the devil's hand.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, back then that was, like, very widespread.
Oh, yeah. It was like, we don't want you to be different. but they he said that the stress of that like because imagine how hard that is to like you're not supposed to be right-handed And he said it stressed him out so much that it made his stutter worse.
Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, he was like really upset about that.
And high school really sucked for him. So two years after graduating.
I mean, I feel bad, but I don't at all. I don't feel bad at all it's like I feel bad for a minute then I'm like oh wait but wait he did some shit he fucked up shit shitty fucked up shit shitty fucked up shit shitty fucked up shit shitty fucked up shit shitty So in 1960, which was two years after he graduated high school,
He convinced a 16 year old bakery employee to burn down the school bus garage with him.
I mean, haven't we all? You know, kids will be kids.
So it's fine. So everyone chill out, okay?
Calm your titules. So in his mind, this was really to get back at the town that outcasted him.
He was like, you made fun of me in high school. and school was hard and I had to write with my right hand and I had acne.
And so I think it's only fair that I burn down your school bus garage.
I'm gonna burn down your school bus's house.
That's funny. But also not good. Don't do that.
But also funny but tragic. So yeah, he did that.
Yeah. He did the damn thing. But the 16-year-old eventually succumbed to a guilty conscience, and he turned himself and Robert in for the crime.
Well, Robert was probably like, thanks. Thanks a lot.
Well, like, that's what you fucking get for convincing a 16-year-old to do anything with you.
You should have done it by yourself if that's what you really wanted to do.
You don't involve other people in your shit. help and like he was i think he was 21 why do you need a 16 year old yeah you're asking for trouble yeah you stupid idiot Moron.
Dumbass. So he was sentenced to only three years.
Which, like, doesn't seem fitting. I know.
He successfully burned it down. Yeah, that doesn't seem like a lot.
But he was paroled, actually, after only 20 months.
He got, as we'll see later, this dude got out of a lot of shit.
Don't they always? Oh, this guy had the cops, like, doing backbends to get him out of this shit.
That's what they fucking do. They're master manipulators.
They really are. So during his stay, his therapist diagnosed him with an infantile personality. marked by childlike hysteria, volatile emotions, and a clingy fixation on others.
That seems like a rough diagnosis. Totally.
Like, basically he wrote... You suck and you fucked.
You a little baby man. It's not going to work out for you.
No one's ever going to be able to tolerate you.
So good luck. Bye. Also, while he was in jail, his wife divorced him because apparently he was married.
Oh, yeah. But there's not a lot about his first marriage or his first wife that I found.
No, the only thing I found was that her parents really didn't want her to marry him.
Well, they must have been pretty young. Yeah.
Because it was only two years after high school.
And she started divorcing him like the second he got arrested.
Like she was like, oh, yeah, no. So he was sentenced to three years.
Six months in, she divorced him. But then he was paroled after 20 months, like I said.
So after he was paroled he was married again.
Again in 1967. Or I'm not sure if he was married in 1967.
No, 63. 63. And then in 1967, the couple moved. to Alaska for a fresh start and they lived happily ever after and Rob was like totally reformed.
Yeah, everything was totally fine after that.
And, like, now the podcast is over, so thanks for listening.
Yeah, part two is just gonna be about their life painting, um... you know, the wilderness landscapes of Alaska.
Yeah, they also went kayaking a lot. Yeah.
So that's fine. It's not at all what it's going to be. um take it away elena so like ash said they got married in 63 they moved to alaska in 67.
And over the next few years, he was jailed several more times for petty theft.
Good. All like really small jorts. Jorts.
He stole jorts? You know, I would not put that past him.
He stole really small jorts. That's all.
Just really small jorts over and over. No.
No. It was every time it was a pretty small jail sentence.
Like it was just like in and out. But like a lot of these guys, he was a kleptomaniac.
And he started with stealing because he was getting the thrill.
He was kind of... thrown up the middle finger at authority, and this is what these guys like to do.
So a lot of them started out as little petty theft fuckers.
Yes, that's exactly, that's what they are called when they get sentenced.
You are being sentenced for being a petty theft fucker.
Wow, I'm surprised you were able to say that that many times.
I know. I'm not even going to try. It took, like, concentration, so I'm glad it happened.
So, you know, that was in and out of jail, but nothing too crazy.
Now growing up in Iowa for a while. He had learned one thing that he was actually good at.
Because he wasn't good at a lot of things.
Was it weird? No, he was good at hunting and trapping.
Because Iowa, you know, what else are you going to do?
Yeah. So this skill that he had honed in Iowa actually served him even better in Alaska.
Because Alaska's just fucking wilderness.
Well, that's, like, what you gotta do to live out there. have to so i mean he was really good at stalking game and apparently he had dead eye aim with both a rifle and a bow wow i wonder which hand he used Yeah, I know.
That's a good point. I wonder if he reverted back to a left hand.
Or if he became ambidextrous. Wow. Because don't fuck with someone that's ambidextrous.
Do not fucks with ambidextrous people. Don't do it.
Ambidextri. Just don't do it. I don't know.
That's a good point. Yeah. So... He, apparently his Anchorage house was literally filled with animal trophy mounts because he was one of those.
He like loved to show off his trophies. I mean, if you like that, that's your thing.
Yeah, like I'm not going to judge you. I personally don't love hunting.
It's not for me. I'm not going to tell people they can't do it.
So one of his trophy animal mounts actually included a record-breaking doll sheep.
Which are those sheep with like those really big curly horns.
Oh, is that the picture of him posing? I saw that.
The picture of him, which, okay. Truth bomb time.
Not bad looking. He's not bad looking in that picture.
I'm glad we both, we were feeling it together.
Because when I saw that picture, I was like, hate that you're holding giant animal horns.
Yeah, I don't like that. But like, it's okay.
It was very Georgia O'Keeffe. It was. I love her as an artist.
I mean, if he had just got his shit together, he wouldn't have been...
He looked like a modern day hipster. Like he wasn't, yeah, he really did.
Like he wasn't a hideous beast on the outside.
No, he really wasn't. I mean, he had like scars from acne and stuff, but like a lot of people, you know. shit happens yeah i know plenty of people with scars with acne that are super hot i'm glad we're both on the same page also i think he got his glasses at warby parker he for sure did Before Warby Parker even existed, he got them there.
I knew it. Yeah, because those were good glasses.
They really were. I'm not trying to give this dude any kind of props.
And he was wearing, like, a flannel. yeah all right but he he sucked he did he sucked a lot yeah i mean he had grizzly bears he had all the things that you like trophy hunters you bring a grizzly bear home.
Brag about killing. So, and in 1969, 1970, and 71, He had four animals entered into the Pope and Young record book.
What's that? It's apparently like a trophy hunting record book.
So it's like if you get entered in, it's like the Guinness Records book for hunting.
So he had four animals that are apparently record-breaking.
And his name was entered into this book.
You know, he could have just really not killed people and just turned his life around.
But the problem is this hunting, you know, actual game was not enough.
He did end up earning a decent living by opening up his own small bakery.
Because, you know, he grew up in a bakery.
His dad was a baker. This doesn't turn into a Sweeney Todd situation, does it?
It does not, which would have been kind of delightful, but...
You know, he ended up opening this bakery and he became known around town as, you know... a really good baker, and a decent dude.
Bob the Baker. Bob the Baker. And a lot of people went to this bakery.
A lot of cops went to this bakery. It was...
He was known as respectable around town because he did portray an air of respectability.
He wasn't walking around like a big weirdo creep being like, like he was just baking stuff and living his life he was married Maybe that's an endangered species in Alaska.
It's a morph species. A hunk gorilla bass.
People would be like, you are a big weirdo creep.
That's not a thing. yes it is but again he was married he had two kids at this point He was BTKing it up.
So people had no idea. So again, even though he was being a super respectable guy on the outside.
He was really a super freak. You know, was a business owner.
He did have, you know, besides the stutter and all that.
He had some quirks and some, one might say, darker interests as well.
In killing people. Not quite yet, but still a little on the seedier side.
So he didn't have to look too hard to find the women that would eventually become his victims.
Because apparently in the 70s... Tons of young women were drawn to Anchorage, Alaska from like the lower 48 because there was a trans Alaska pipeline being built there.
So all these workmen were up there, lots of money up there, lots of dudes with huge wallets. ready to pay for this stuff.
And apparently a road next to this Trans-Alaska pipeline that was being built was the Dalton Highway.
And at this time, Anchorage had an extremely... like dark district in it called the Tenderloin District.
Tenderloin. Yeah. And apparently it was run by a crime boss.
I think his name was Frank... Calacursio?
Calacursio? I don't know. Frank. He did it.
Frank. Wrong. Frank ran the place. Of course he did.
It was centered on a place called Fourth Avenue.
Fourth Avenue was where... all the dark shit went down.
If you were like, I'm going to go to 4th Avenue, everyone knew where you were going.
Don't. The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
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I like that that was a combo of Australian and British.
Listen! This is where all the quote-unquote dancing clubs are.
Where with names, like, these names are amazing.
Wild Cherry. Arctic Fox. My favorite, Booby Trap.
Shut up. And another one, The Great Alaskan Bush Company.
Wow. They weren't even trying to hide it.
That last one is still open. It's just in a different location.
But it's still there. Arctic fox is a type of hair dye.
Oh really? I believe. It's also an actual animal. so there's that whoa i wonder if uh bobby boy hunted an arctic bobby boy So these were all places where, you know, unfortunately, his type of victim were at the ready.
They were chilling. Unfortunately. There was a big oil boom in Anchorage during this time, so the population started rising.
People had disposable income. It was like a really good... financial time for them like and so there was a lot of women that were making a lot of money and they said it was like wicked seedy like there was clubs There was kind of dancing clubs.
There was peep shows. There was magazine stands that had child pornography in them.
Oh, God. Like, this place was a scary place.
And this also became a part of Anchorage that was ripe with violence.
People just getting beaten and armed robberies everywhere. firebombs, murders, like police were pretty busy in this area.
Sounds like great. Yeah. Like, between 1979 and 1983, police responded 207 times to disturbances at the booby trap alone.
Whoa. Yeah. 207 times. 207 times. Major, yikes.
Just at one club. So needless to say, Robert was kind of a regular at the strip clubs on 4th Avenue.
Which one do you think he liked best? I think he liked the Alaskan Bush Company.
Do you know that or why do you feel that?
I just feel it in my bones. He strikes me more as a booby trap guy.
I don't know. Now, since he became a regular at these places, obviously the dancers and escorts and sex workers began to know who he was.
They could spot him. knew who he was hey it's bobby boy and they all said he had kind of a quirk they said that They always had to make the first move no matter what because it was part of his weird elaborate fantasy to like demean women.
Like you have to ask me for it. No thanks.
Yeah. And in fact, he said, quote, she had to come out and say we could do it, but it's going to cost you some money. then she was no longer, I guess, what you might call a decent girl.
So the way that he would get these women and the way that he usually ended up later, which we'll discuss killing these women, was once they transformed from a regular, in his eyes, a regular girl.
Into a sex worker, which he deemed a whore.
That's when they had to go. Because he was like, you're no longer human to me.
But like, it's not up to you to play God.
No, it's not, you fucker. Here's the thing.
Robert Hansen was one of the original incels.
He just was. Breaking news, everybody. Because he was frustrated.
He wasn't getting it. I mean, he had a wife, but obviously he's very frustrated.
For most of his life, he was not getting a whole lot of ladies.
And he wasn't saying... It seems like he almost takes a little response.
Like, I understand why women didn't want to come near me when I was in high school.
But now he's, like, twisting it on its ear.
And basically being like, these women are the problem, not me.
So I'm going to take them out. So it's like a total incel way of looking at it that it's like...
They should accept all my grossness and still want to sleep with me.
But they don't. So now I need to... Kill them.
Punish them. And it's, like, gross. Grow up.
So, girls, however, that talk to police later, some of the girls...
A lot of them said right at the beginning of talking to him, they said they always felt pretty safe with him just because of his physical appearance. because they said he just looked like a normal dude they said quote he sort of looked like the perfect dork And they all described him several times.
He was described by women like, he's a literal dork.
They were like, he is the ideal of a dork. oh and it's like he kind of was like he like he had the glasses the stutter you know i mean like he did i wonder if he ever got rid of the stutter I don't know.
I think he still had it later. I think it chilled a little bit, but I think it was still there.
Yeah. So I think the dorkiness in his like his appearance is like kind of a dork just made them feel a little safe, which is which worked out really well for him.
Never be thrown off. by the door because they're going to overtake us all.
Do not be thrown off by the door. Look at Steve Jobs.
Exactly. He didn't kill anybody. That we know.
No, I'm just kidding. Let's be smirch. I'm totally kidding. so in the mid 70s at least two sex workers told cops that Hansen was a nut job and had like showed them his rape fantasies, like made it pretty clear to them.
I hate that. And they were like, we feel like endangered by him.
I'm afraid he's going to do something because this is not normal behavior that we're used to.
Well, the complaints fell on total deaf ears and police were like, you're sex workers.
I'm not. concerned. Which is so fucking messed up.
Which seems to be a pattern throughout this, that every time like any, because most of his victims were sex workers of some kind whatever they would come forward somehow it would become his word against theirs even if there was evidence involved and they always took his side because that's just like why listen to the woman so it's like it's so frustrating that really is so messed up so So in December 1971 was when Hansen really began his descent into madness, I would say.
No. In December 1971, he followed a female customer from the bakery that he owned back to her fucking house.
When he got there, he like crept up on her and asked her for a date.
I'd be like, what? And she was like, dude, no.
Like, she's like, are you real right now?
Like, you just followed me? from your fucking bakery.
I'm a customer and you just followed me home.
That's so scary. That's not romantic. That's not a grand gesture.
That's stalking. Ask me while you hand me my baguette.
Exactly. That's romantic. She was like, you just followed me to my house, you big creepy weirdo.
Yeah, just hand me the carbs and then ask me.
Yeah, and then get the fuck out, man. So in the moment, he seemed to take it fine and in stride.
But a week later, he returned to her home with a gun and attempted to kidnap her.
What the hell? luckily he was arrested in the process of this jesus basically didn't get in prison for attempting Well, basically, this incel couldn't handle the fact that a woman didn't want him.
Like, that she was like, no. I don't want to.
Well, she was probably just like, why did you follow me home, you psycho?
He ended up getting out on bail and tried to do the same exact thing.
Was he still married? Yep. Well, like, what did his wife think he was in jail for?
I have no idea. So... This one is not confirmed by him.
Like he hasn't admitted to this one, but they're fairly certain that this is him who did this.
On Christmas Day, so only a few days after the attempted kidnapping of the female customer.
Uh-huh. After, because he got out on bail, like, right away.
Of course. The body of Celia Van Zanten in McHugh Creek State Park was found.
Oh, no. Her hands were tied behind her back with speaker wire.
And she had been slashed across her chest, like, multiple times.
Which... to me indicates some little bitch of a dude did it.
So that points me to Robert. Yeah. Like, cutting up her chest seems to be something, like, I'm mad at women.
I'm going to cut up your chest. So, I mean, like, Robert, I'm looking at you.
Because you're a little bitch of a dude.
I'm not looking at you because I don't want to look at your face.
I'm disgusted. This was not what killed her, though.
She did not die because it was just slashes.
Oh. It had been negative five degrees below zero the previous night, so they found out that she had frozen to death.
While trying to escape or hiding from her assailant.
Oh my god. Which fits his M.O. Because as we're going to find out later, let me just drop the bomb on you now.
Boom. Robert Hansen liked to bring his victims after torturing and raping them. for whatever amount of time, he would put them on a little bush plane fly them into the Alaskan wilderness, let them run in the middle of the night in the Alaskan wilderness after he had already weakened them.
And then he would hunt them like fucking animals.
This is like the most dangerous game. The most dangerous game.
So this fits him out, his M.O., that she had already been slashed up.
She was... bound, and that she died from trying to hide from her assailant.
Jesus Christ. So that, he denies that one, but...
You know, he's a little fuck, so we don't believe him.
The next kidnapping, which they did officially connect to him. after this was while police were asking local sex workers for any information about who could have kidnapped and murdered Celia, An informant named Robin Patterson told police that she had like a weird slash bad experience with a short guy with acne scars on his face and a stutter.
Now, not a lot of guys have that combination.
True, true. She then said, for sure, she was kidnapped by Robert Hansen at gunpoint.
When she was kidnapped, because she said she had gotten in his car, he immediately pulled the gun. drove her to a motel where he raped her.
After this, he put her back in the car, drove her to the Alaskan wilderness, and told her he couldn't let her go. what but robin was smart and she literally talked her way out of it oh How?
One thing she said to him was she hated cops and she was like, look what line of work I'm in.
I hate cops. I am not going to talk to the cops.
Right. I won't. So Robert went through her purse, she said, found her parents' address and wrote it down on a piece of paper.
Oh my God. And then he told her he'd kill both of them and her if he found out that she went to the cops.
He said to her he'd kill her like he did kill all the girls before her.
Oh, my. And then when he dropped her off, he said that he wished they had met under better circumstances.
I'd be like, yeah, I wish that we hadn't met at all.
Like, what the fuck, dude? So apparently, I think what she had done is she humanized herself in some way to him.
So he was like, but. like that's no fun anymore wow so cops brought him in after this finally And they had a handwriting sample from when he signed them into the motel where he raped her.
He used a different name, like an alias, but it was handwriting that they could compare to his.
Right. So when they got him in the interview room, they asked him to empty out his wallet for a sample to compare to.
Well, what fell out was a scrap of paper with Robin's father's name and address on it.
Oh my god. Literally confirming what she had told them.
Like... Boom. Right there. How did he get out of this?
One cop suddenly became worried that they needed a search warrant to look in his wallet.
This one cop was like, it might not be admissible because we didn't get a search warrant.
Which I think literally this was their way of just getting him out of this.
What the hell? So they let him go. They're like, he makes really good cheesesteak.
Literally, I think they're like, he's a good baker.
But also... He had a ton of friends, like respectable friends around town, like business owners. who would come in and vouch for him.
Some of them, and like his wife's friends would come in and vouch for him.
And then some of them even would give him fake alibis.
Like they'd be like, oh, I was with him.
No, you can't do that. It's a matter of life and death.
Like, come on. And later it was found that they really, they were like, yeah, we did not That's so messed up.
And it's because they really believed. It's almost like the Ted Bundy thing.
You see some of those people on the Ted Bundy tapes that are like, no i literally believe there was no way that he did this like and rule yeah And it's like, so these people were like, no, there's no way he did that, so I'm not worried about it.
That's wild. Yeah. In 1972, Hansen was convicted of assault and he was placed on a work release program after serving only six months in prison. prison.
In 1973, a school teacher who was living in the lower 48... who was in Alaska because her side hustle was an exotic dancer.
It's like, good for you, man. Everybody needs a side hustle.
And, you know, make that money because you're not making it as a teacher.
Sure not. You might as well. So he apparently assaulted her and she reported it.
But he got off because the Alaska DA wouldn't let the woman testify through a mediator. because she didn't want to testify herself because she was worried she was going to lose her job if people found out that she was an exotic, which she would because everything sucks. i feel like i'm starting to remember this case because i remember that story like she wanted to it through a mediator so that she could get the story out and testify but not have to show her face admit that she was doing this on the side right So the DA was like, no, you either do it or that's it.
And she was like, well, I'm not doing it.
My job is more important. So he got off once again.
In 1976, he pleaded guilty to larceny after he was caught stealing a chainsaw from an Anchorage department store.
Awesome. For that, he was sentenced to five years in prison and was also required to receive... like psychiatric treatment because he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
What's up with like criminals stealing super incriminating shit?
And you know what he said the chainsaw was for?
He said he stole it to give to his father for Christmas.
But, like, why couldn't you just pay for it?
Like, why? You have money. Well, that's the thing.
So he... And actually, so he was... Sentenced to five years, but the Alaska Supreme Court reduced his sentence to 16 months.
16, that's barely over a year. What the hell?
And he was released with time served. That doesn't make any sense.
Now, during his confession to this stealing the chainsaw, He basically said that he had a thing about taking things and he just liked to see if he could get away with it.
So he was basically saying, like, I like the thrill of doing something that's bad.
And he basically said that he, like, ejaculated his pants when he was able to steal something and get away with it.
Bye. I just threw up all over the place and it's time for me to leave now.
And then... Ew. What the fuck? Even if that did happen, dude, don't fucking admit to that shit.
There are some things that are better left unsaid.
And that is the first one of all. So, the first victim that Robert Hansen admitted to murdering was in the summer of 1979 she is currently unidentified still that's sad But she is known as a Kletna Annie.
Oh. Robert admitted that he drove this woman out to Eklatna Lake, which is northeast, somewhere northeast of Anchorage.
His truck got stuck in the snow and he told her that he was going to get it unstuck and just bring her home.
She didn't believe him because he'd already been a big weirdo creep to her.
Oh no. And she got out and ran away into the night.
He chased her. He grabbed her hair. She pulled a knife out of her purse like a fucking badass and tried fighting him.
But he got the knife away from her, knocked her down, and he stabbed her to death.
He admitted to this. Yeah, he admitted to this one.
A couple months later, he tried this whole thing again.
He tried it in his camper this time, not his truck.
But the woman did get away. Police didn't believe this woman, even though she showed up at a house nearby naked with her hands and feet all cut up from being tied up with guitar strings. oh wow that hurts I know doesn't that make I'm like yeah guitar strings are like so in the scenario so she shows up naked with guitar strings tied to her arms and like cut up and these women are not saying like oh it's some guy blah blah blah they're like it is robert hansen this is who it is like i can tell you who it is every single time the cops are like it's really just your word against his and we're taking his word I feel like I'm moving away from Alaska.
How are all these women just like, are they all just conspiring against the local baker?
Like that doesn't make any sense that they would only take his word.
Did the police get into any trouble after this?
I don't think so. I don't think a lot happened here.
That's so fucked up. But in that scenario, they took Robert's word again.
That she's crazy. I don't know what she's talking about.
I can't even imagine how frustrating that would be.
Oh my god, seriously. And terrifying. Yeah.
It's like, cause you're literally, she's walking out of there being like, nothing was done about that.
Like I just ran away naked bound with guitar strings and nothing's being done about it.
I know who did it. Yeah, you would literally have to move away because what else are you going to do?
Yeah. I mean, that's bonkers. How do you sleep again?
So six months later, Roxanne Eastlin became his second victim, murder victim.
Not victim. Murder victim. She was found by Hansen actually leading police to her body when he was caught later.
I don't know a lot about that murder. There's not a lot about each of the murders.
There's really only a lot about some of them.
She was found in the Alaskan wilderness in the same area. bound all that terrible stuff hansen again led police to her body later What a guy.
The third victim, the third murder victim, was Joanna Messina.
She had met Hansen on the docks. somewhere and like they met and then immediately did like went to dinner together like she agreed to go to dinner with him She kept telling him during the dinner date that like she was looking to make money.
She was looking to get some work. Like she was a sex worker.
Oh. And she was basically trying to give hints for a while that she just like wasn't really interested in just a date.
She was like, I need to get paid here. So finally she was like, dude, I will have sex with you for money.
Like, let me just lay it out for you. Like I need some money.
Like you're not getting it. And he said until this point, he wasn't going to kill her.
But when that happened, she was no longer, quote, a decent girl.
So she was killed on the Kenai Peninsula just because of that.
You don't get to decide that. Oh, he's God, man.
What is wrong with people? Like, you don't get to decide who stays and who goes.
These dudes all think they're God. And she was killed because of that.
Because she was like... I need money. Listen, I'm gonna...
Just give me money and I'll sleep with you.
Can you imagine how like desperate you'd have to be to do that?
That's so awful. And then this is how it ends.
And that's, like, your biggest fear, too, I'm sure, as a sex worker.
Like, every single time you have to just...
Take your life in your hands and hope that this isn't the time.
It's like, it's awful. Ugh, stresses me out.
Now, when investigators found her body, it turned out that a black bear had already begun to eat her. oh god that's when they got oh yeah that's like i'm surprised this didn't happen in more of these cases actually But this bear actually came back when the investigators were there and aggressively chased them off so he could finish eating her. and black bears are endangered so they couldn't do anything about it Oh, shit.
And it's like, what a sad statement that they're not helping these women at all.
But they're having blackberries. Which I'm like, I don't want them to cheat the blackberry.
No, I don't. Because, I mean, he's just doing it.
He's just living his life. But it's like, but look at how...
Like, where are your morals? Where are your principles standing?
You're like, well, this is an endangered species, but Like, women are going to be sued, too.
Actual humans, we don't care. Well, you know what's scary?
How many people did that happen to, and then they didn't even find the remains?
Exactly. Like it was just gone. That's so scary.
Like never to be found again. And there are a few women that they haven't found the bodies yet.
I'm sure. Now, three months after Joanna Messina was the next victim, Lisa Futrell.
I don't know a lot about this murder either.
If I can find more about it I'll talk about it next week.
But basically it was a whole year between Lisa Futrell and the next victim, which is where we are going to take our break.
That's interesting that he waited a whole year.
Exactly, which I think it's because... He was starting, I don't want to say he's starting slow because these are all horrific, but...
He hasn't quite got his MO down yet by this point.
And I think he's just slowly in the escalating phase.
And then he's going to go through that like bonkers phase where he just like goes cray cray.
Because what he ends up doing is he ends up killing a woman like every six months or so.
Jesus. At least. In the end. And we're going to get into all that and the rest of his victims and how he was caught in... Which, how he was caught is a very...
It's a very dramatic story. Is it satisfying?
Well, if anybody has seen... the movie about this case, because there is one movie about this case called The Frozen Ground.
It's got like John Cusack playing him, which he looks just like him.
Vanessa Hutchins plays a very important character, which we'll discuss later.
Next week. But it also has Nicolas Cage playing, like, the investigator.
So Frozen Ground is pretty, it's all right.
It's, like, fine. you know nick john cusack looks just like robert hansen so he does a really good job with it So yeah, if anybody's seen that movie, then you know how he got caught.
But don't spoil it for everybody else. So we'll discuss that next week and we'll shout out our Patreons on the minisode this week.
Again, just so you know, you're not being forgotten.
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