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Hey weirdos, I'm Elena. And I'm Ash. And this is Morbid.
Minnie. Minnie, Minnie Morbid. Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie Morbid.
We love these mini Morbids. They're fun.
Yeah, I'm like really obsessed with the Minisodes, even though this is only our second one. but I'm obsessed with it already I'm obsessed with you I am obsessed you know what else I'm kind of obsessed with right now What?
It's something that I think a lot of people listening will dig.
That's why I want to make sure I plug it.
It's this shop called Murder Apparel. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. See, you know what I'm talking about.
And you can find them on Instagram at Murder Apparel, I believe.
And basically, they do every shirt that you could ever want being a murderino.
Their shirts are so funny too. I love it.
My favorite one is the husband did it. Yeah, that one's a good one.
They have one with Freddie and it says stay woke.
Yeah, it's like they're like super funny.
They're based off of like true crime. Horror movies.
Just horror in general. It's amazing. And actually.
We have one that says Basic Witch. For all our window latching covens.
It kind of looks like the Starbucks logo.
Yeah. This holiday, the holiday things they have out right now are like...
What did it say? There was one for Krampus.
But I feel like everybody listening to this... would dig them so i suggest you guys go check them out because they're awesome yeah you guys would be obsessed with them that's just i like to plug things that i actually dig so So I wanted to make sure I plugged that.
They have a zombie Santa one and it has like two candy canes like across almost like a skull and bones.
Yes, that's the one I was thinking of. But it says it like S-L-E-I-G-H.
I love that. Which is hilarious. And then the Krampus one says Mary Krampus and he's like holding like a little boy and running off with his child.
That's the one I was thinking of. Those two.
Wow, these are savage. And they're constantly coming out with new ones. the shirts are crazy comfy looking like i'm immediately ordering some like after we stop recording I know I want some too.
So everybody go check out Murder Apparel because they're rad and I feel like everybody would dig it.
Go buy yourself some shirts. And if you're listening to this next week, maybe you still have time to order them before Christmas. and we're just we just and that's literally like they're not sponsoring us we just really like them So go check them out.
This is like a legit plug. So that's going to be the end of our small talk for this episode because our mini morbid episodes are straight to the point.
And your mini-morbid episode is starting right now.
And we're going to dive in the deep, dark, savage world of...
So savage. I know it sounds like it's going to be whimsical and beautiful and enchanted and all that, but it's not.
It's not going to be any of that stuff. No enchantment here, bitches.
Because fairies... despite what Disney would have you believe, are actually terrifying.
And we'll murder you. Like, at a moment's notice.
So from what I've come... found just to give a little tiny it's like a really quick little history of fairies uh The word fairy, spelled F-A-I-R-Y, actually comes from the Latin worm fata, which means fate.
That's interesting. Yeah, right? And then the old French, F-A-E-R-I-E, which I think is a cooler way to spell it, actually means enchantment. oh I like that one better yeah I know that's kind of whimsical and fun that's as whimsical as we're gonna get French words are always whimsical of course they are Like escargot is just snails.
It's just snails. That sounds so fancy. But it's so fancy.
I love it. So now we think of fairies as we see them in like popular culture with like pretty wings and they're all pretty and they're there to help you and protect you and do fun magical things. for you cue tinkerbell yeah exactly but back in the day when the world was just like Dark as fuck.
Yeah, like I know the world is dark as fuck now, but like in a totally different way.
Back then it was dark because nobody knew what the hell was going on ever and everything was still mysterious because we didn't know anything about the world at that point.
That's... when people were horrified that they could offend fairies at any moment's notice, and that these fairies would cast evil spells or curses on them. did you just hear john yeah i'm not gonna get rid of that oh my god What the fuck was that?
That was amazing. That's what that was. Was he singing?
Yeah. He had a moment. He's having a moment in the kitchen.
Okay, fairies. John is actually a fairy.
He's a singing kitchen fairy. I love it.
He is. That's the elusive singing kitchen fairy. i love it i have deceased that's not as dark passed away that's the whimsical side of fairies So in Ireland in particular, because Ireland is all about the fairies.
They had such a fear of pissing off fairies that they don't, they wouldn't even refer to them as names.
Like they wouldn't call them whatever name their fairy was or they wouldn't even call them fairies.
They called them by like euphemisms, like little people, the gentry, or the neighbors.
It's like he who must not be named. It's like, exactly.
And... Fairies were the original Voldemorts.
Exactly. You heard it here first. news with ashley kelly this has been your six o'clock news and there was There were these things called ferry paths where the ferries were obviously just like would travel down specific paths.
And fairy hills that were forbidden to be dug upon.
And some houses had their corners removed because they were afraid that the corners were blocking ferry paths.
Wow. Legit. So the houses were round? Yeah, they would round them off because they didn't want a corner to be blocking a ferry pass.
And then cottages back then in Ireland were actually sometimes built initially with the front door and the back door like... perfectly in lined with each other.
And then at night, whenever the people thought that fairies were traveling about, they would open both those doors so that the fairies could just pass through their house and not actually chill in their house.
Clearly they never listen to our podcast.
Right? Because fresh air is for dead people, not for keeping fairies out.
I mean, we tell you to lock your windows, but, like, definitely close your fucking doors.
Step one. Because... If you leave both doors open in the middle of the night all night, you're gonna have a lot more than fairies to worry about.
Yeah. Yeah. Bugs. Coyotes. But then again, after hearing this episode... fairies are kind of scary so there's a lot so hide your kids hide your wife lock your door yeah And have a roundhouse.
Don't build it in a ferry path, I guess.
Well, and then back then fairies were actually even blamed for diseases like tuberculosis and birth defects.
Shit. So basically just all kinds of shit was just blamed on fairies.
You give fairies bad names. Awesome. I love it.
So we're going to talk about... There's so many that we might even revisit this subject again because I didn't even write down all the crazy ones I saw.
Oh, shit. So this may be a part one of fairies.
Who knows? P-R-A-T-1. We're gonna go over a few fairies now.
The first one being the Changeling. Now, changelings are interesting because...
I'm going to give you a real quick overview of it because there is a lore episode on Amazon Prime that covers this subject in a really good way.
So go watch the lore episode about this because it's really good.
So it's an Irish legend. And it's when a fairy child replaces a real child.
So the fairies will come... They'll steal your child and they'll replace it with a changeling.
The fuck? I'm saying. Now you're going to know. that this kid is not your kid because they're gonna look like sickly They're not going to grow to the normal size that a child should.
And there's also going to be really subtle things you're going to notice, like...
They might have a beard. Oh, you know. Are you?
What happened? Are you an old man? Are you perhaps an elderly fairy?
Are you a bridge troll? I can't put my finger on it but something's weird here.
Nothing's changed. They could also... they could also have long teeth that's another thing nom nom nom like so if your kid suddenly gets long teeth be wary that's all i'm saying Oh, you know what it is?
It's the fangs. That's what's different.
It's the fangs. Where'd you get those? It's not that beard.
It's the fangs. So these changelings will also be very intelligent, like beyond their years because they're fairies.
So they're like ancient. they're gonna have like crazy insight and like just be very intuitive they're gonna have traits that you're like this is weird for a child to have Yeah.
Now, why would your child be taken by a fairy?
Because they got shit to do. That's a pretty good question to ask.
They may take them because they want to use them as a servant.
They may... Just love the human child and want to take it to, like, be its parents, which is shitty.
But, like... Yeah, that's kidnapping. Or they're just dicks and they do it maliciously just to be assholes.
Now there are rare cases where super elderly fairy folk would be placed in like the place of a human baby just so that the old fairy could live out the rest of their days in comfort Like being loved by humans.
That just makes my heart hurt. So that made it like kind of delightful.
Do they really love you if you got a child beard?
I guess. A child's beard. the fuck now there is a way to ensure that your child does not get taken by in exchanged for a changeling i bet it's wild um you can wear an inverted coat so like inside out yeah Or you can leave an open pair of iron scissors where the child sleeps.
Dude. Which sounds safe. Yeah. When I moved to mom and papa's house, there's like a big old pair of like, um, like antique scissors.
And I always slept with them on my nightstand because I just thought they were cool.
Oh, Oh my god, they were trying to make sure that you didn't get taken and changed for a changeling.
Maybe. Man, they loved you. Ma is Irish.
They didn't do that for me. No, they did.
I found them in your old nightstand. Oh, okay.
So I didn't even know they did that. Yeah.
Wow. I gotta ask Ma about that. Yeah, I wonder if that's why she did that.
I will fall on my ass if Ma really did that. for that specific reason update next week yeah update next week guys to see if my mom is that awesome Because I remember one time my friend found them and she was like, what the fuck are these?
What's this big pair of iron scissors? yeah they're like rusty as fuck and you're right Ma's Irish this would make sense wow yeah we're learning things we're learning all kinds of things Now, there are two 19th century cases that actually are true like they're not this isn't legend this isn't folklore these are actual cases where people believed in changelings so much that they actually murdered people.
Oh, what? So, in 1826, a woman named Anne Roche bathed a boy who was four years old named Michael Leahy.
And this boy could not speak or stand. I'm not positive why.
I didn't really go far into it. But she bathed him three times in a river in Ireland called the Flesk.
On the third time she bathed him in it, he drowned.
Because she wasn't bathing him? Well, she swore that she was just trying to drive the fairy out of him because he was a changeling.
She got acquitted of murder for that. Yeah, that sounds like Andrea Yates-style shit.
I'm saying. I'm saying. And then there's another case, which is actually the subject of the lore episode on Amazon Prime that I was talking about before.
So go watch that for like the whole story of this.
But it was in 1895, a woman in Ireland named Bridget Cleary was literally murdered by several people. including her husband and her cousins.
What? So she had like this short bout of pneumonia.
And this local dick named Jack Dunn was like, oh, she's a fairy changeling because she's not getting better and she's sick because she had pneumonia.
So her husband, Michael, her cousins, this dude, I don't even know if there's anybody else there, but they literally... murdered her and then they were only convicted of manslaughter instead of murder Because they convinced the jury that they were just trying to kill a changeling, not Bridget.
What? Isn't that bananas? When was that?
This was 1895. Oh, believable. I mean, that's crazy.
Those 1800s won't really do you in. I'm saying.
So yeah, that's a very brief overview of changelings.
So that's terrifying. What you're going to notice is there's a lot of Irish ones, but there's a lot of Scottish ones too, which is kind of fun.
What up, Scotland? So the next one is called a Kelpie.
So they're a group called the Kelpies. They are a type of Scottish fairy and they're considered to be cannibalistic and they'll literally eat anything that they come across.
So if they come across animals they'll eat that.
But if they come across humans they're like yeah.
I'll do it. Whoa. Now, they're thought to live in the waters of Lox in Scotland, like Loch Ness, where the Urquhart Castle sits.
Just saying. And they enjoy eating humans and deer the most.
And what they'll do is they're amazing shapeshifters.
And what they'll do is they'll appear as a beautiful black or pure white horse.
And then they just offer rides to crazy humans that are like, oh, yes, horse.
I would love to take that ride. Thank you.
What a polite horse. I appreciate it. And once the person gets on them, they'll just carry them into the depths of the lock. and drown them sweet and then when they get them to the bottom of the lock they'll just tear them apart and then eat them So, they're kind of dicks.
Because other than the horses... They're also known to shapeshift into super good looking men and women to lure humans into the locks.
Because you know how dumbass humans are.
You know. And you put a hot person in front of them and they're going to be like, yeah, I'll walk into Loch Ness.
That's fine. Wow. Yeah. So those are the Kelpies.
The next one is, this is a fairy class from England, Ireland, and Germany.
And they're called the Banfion. I don't know if I said that right, but we're going to give it a shot.
The Banfione are a delightful class of fairies, part of a delightful class of fairies referred to as the, quote, drowner fairies.
Sounds so pure. Like I said, they're found in England, Ireland, and Germany.
And they're technically a water fairy that lives in lakes and streams.
The name means white woman because she, whatever this fairy appears, they're known to wear white clothes. gown and uh their whole shtick is they wait for children to come in or near the water and then they just reach up and drown them that's a little bit like uncalled for yeah like there's no rhyme or reason they're just that's what they do they're good at it they stick to it and they do their thing the end i mean respect the hustle the next one which I love the name of these ones Are called Bogarts.
Boogers? Bogarts. Boogers. No. Bogarts.
B-O-G-G-A-R-T-S. Bogarts. Now, Bogarts... Bogarts.
Are... They are kind of boogers. They're super boogery.
But they are earth fairies. And guess where they're found?
In your nose? Scotland. uh uh they look like a gnome which is unsettling i think gnomes are wicked cute i do not i think it's unsettling as fuck I know you don't like gnomes very much I think they're cute I'm not into it I don't know what it is about gnomes I don't know if I was wronged by a gnome at some point but I hope not.
That's fun. But I have like a weird resistance against them.
I like them because of that little kids movie, Gnomeo and Juliet.
It's so cute. It'll change your standpoint. point on i did not see that and i don't plan to ever see that well i'm gonna show it to your kids so you're welcome But they're not allowed.
We're going to want a bunch of gnomes. They cannot have gnomes in my house.
I'm going to get them gnomes for Christmas.
No, because gnomes look... Apparently, Bogarts look like dirty-ass gnomes. like they don't look like regular gnomes that are all like together and have like their lives together they look like dirty messy gnomes If I was a gnome, I would be a boogart.
Boogarts. okay it's more fun to say it wrong well and apparently you're not gonna like this i don't think Their clothing is wrinkled.
It's dirty. It's like covered in a layer of dust.
It's like unkempt. You know, we've all been there.
We have. Yeah. Like day five. Well, and apparently they're very malicious and very bad tempered.
Same. No, I'm kidding. Now, once Bogarts, Bogarts enter your home.
And once they come into your home, they're super hard to get out.
Just like boogers. I mean, in your home.
And they kind of act like poltergeists. which I think kind of differentiates them from boogers a little bit.
Their favorite things to do. And it's funny because their favorite things to do are just kind of like dickish things.
Like they seem like shitty little kids kind of.
Their favorite things to do are dumping over cups or jugs with milk or liquid just because they like to see messes.
Which I'm like, those are my kids. It makes them feel at home.
They also like to torment dogs. oh that's like torment like i can't get down and make them bark all the time and then cats hate bogarts So they'll try to stay away from them as much as they can.
And what's different about Bogarts is usually fairies are terrified of cats and Bogarts aren't. so bogarts will pull cats tails they'll pull their whiskers make them howl and scream like they love just fucking with cats and dogs cats know what's up they do And the Bogart also, like a poltergeist, will slam doors.
They'll turn on and off lights. They'll, like... fray your electrical cords.
And they also, which this is like the ultimate shitty Bogart thing, they like to torment sleeping babies.
They will literally pinch sleeping babies.
They'll pull their hair or they'll poke them until they wake up screaming.
That's scary. And if you get a Bogart in your house, it's hard to get out.
What do you do? You can hang bells on the doors.
You can bang pots. You can... Like scream and yell.
And basically the whole idea is to make a ton of noise.
Basically, you're trying to be more annoying than the booger. you gotta you gotta out annoy them yeah you literally have to out annoy them There's also, you can also put iron nails on windowsills and hang iron horseshoes above doors, which Ma also did.
I was going to say Ma still does that. There's a horseshoe in the kitchen.
So that's kind of funny. um if you already have a bogart these things aren't going to help but these the horseshoe and the iron nails will stop one from coming to your house So maybe Ma was trying to keep Bogarts out of our house, which I appreciate.
I think that's just a good omen in general.
I think we have to thank Ma for a lot right now after doing this episode.
Yeah. Dear Ma, thank you. Thank you for putting iron scissors in my bed stand so that I wouldn't be turned into a changeling.
And thank you for hanging. a horseshoe above the door so we wouldn't get boogers at our house.
Yod. So what's funny about Bogart, the name, is...
It's now used as a verb to mean things like, like you would be like, stop Bogarting the butter.
My roll is dry, bitch. Like it means like stop hogging the something.
It's also Xander Bogart's last name. There you go.
I wonder if he's annoying in real life. I wonder.
Who knows? Do a poll. Who knows? his team the next fairy i have is called i'm gonna i might mess up a few of these names because they're weird you know what what you're trying i'm doing the best i can and that's all we can ask for right I was just going to say, that's the only thing I ask of you.
I'm just giving my best. I leave it all on the field.
So the next one is called the Veracus. I don't think that's it.
Veracus? Varicas. Varica. Varicas. Something like that.
Varicas. V-I-R-I-K-A-S. so you do with that what you will i like that that sounded pretty you're welcome thank you So the things about these ones are they're never more than 18 inches tall.
And they're apparently like spectral entities.
And you can see them by seeing their flaming red face and blood-stained teeth.
Great. Yeah. In their whole show. Is that when someone is about to die in your house?
They'll just stay outside of your house in a big group and just like chitter chatter excitedly. while this person is dying that's really insensitive and that's it like they'll just hang out at your house and just giggle and laugh and chitter chatter about the person who's dying in your house i'd kick and while they're doing that they have blood-stained teeth and red faces So they're just like scary and rude.
Where does the blood come from? I don't know.
Maybe they just like... I don't know. Maybe they rub the dead person's blood all over them afterwards and that's why they're all excited.
Yuck. But it's like, what the fuck, man?
Maybe they're really all about the vampire facial.
The vampire facial. that's exactly what it is I think they just really like a smooth youthful complexion who doesn't I'm saying The Veracast sure do.
Apparently. Well, that's it. That's all I really have on them.
They're just mainly they're just scary looking and. very unpleasant because when someone's dying in your house you really don't need these little 18 inch fucking blood covered shit bags just chitter chattering outside and laughing yeah Fuck that.
So the next ones, these ones are pretty terrifying, mainly because of what they look like, but also because they are homicidal.
So these ones are called Anthropopagy. Anthropology?
Exactly. I love that store. The overpriced store. is a homicidal terrifying looking fairy i think it's an anthro papagi i think it's called And they originate from England.
This name translates to man-eating. so they're just they're pretty upfront about what they do she's a man to make you work hard what's interesting about that is that's how they enter all situations with that song uh And when they walk they want attention.
Okay, I'm done now. They really do. Actually, they're all about getting attention with what they look like.
So this is not a pretty fairy, and this is not anything like you're picturing in your head.
This fairy is headless. Oh. And they do have very tiny little brains that are placed near their reproductive organs.
The what? Now this fairy's eyes are placed on its shoulders because remember it doesn't have a head.
It has eyes just on its shoulders and its mouth is this gaping mouth in the center of its chest.
Oh. Yeah. And it doesn't have a nose. And the reason it doesn't have a nose is that it's good because it won't gag while it's eating raw human flesh.
I mean... yeah every body part is useful right so they're said to only kill when they're hungry but like same so but they're basically just always homicidal Like they might not act on killing you, but they sure want to kill you.
If they're full, they just might not kill you because they're like, I'm full.
But once they get hungry, watch out. Hate that.
Exactly. And they are actually featured in...
William Shakespeare's plays Othello and Merry Wives of Windsor.
Never seen them. Never seen them. Well, he kind of made them famous because he put them in his plays.
So people were like, what are these? And then they...
You know, way back then they Googled them on the old-fashioned Google machine, got some pictures of them, and were like, those things are scary as fuck.
So those are the Anthropopoggy, which I'm saying wrong, but we're going to go with it.
Papa G. Papa G. The next. The next ones, these are, this is just a quick one because in this one I found more funny than anything.
It's called the Crooker Purr. I'm sure I'm sure that's exactly what that's called they are from South America And they are a great friend to tortoises.
This is important because if you dare... harm or hunt a tortoise, then these little bastards are coming for you.
And what they do? They have red eyes. swollen knees and they're fly.
I don't know. I don't know. Getting icy hot.
It's Like, duh. Swelling continues if you do not ice.
Keep pressing your front bump. Swelling continues if you do not ice.
I know. I think they just need to know, you know, they just need help.
Well, and this is kind of a problem. Their feet are turned around backwards.
And the reason... So they can't walk forward?
Well, the reason for this... is people know to look for these specific ones in South America because they look for their footprints.
And since their feet are turned around backwards, they fuck with people because it looks like they walked one way?
And so people walk the other way. But in reality, they walked that way because their feet were on backwards.
That sounds like a shitty math equation.
It does. lost. So basically their feet are on backwards so they can fuck with you by making you think they walked one way when they walked another.
Yeah, no thanks. Backwards feet. And if you harm or hunt a tortoise...
They attack you with their backwards feet and they murder you.
Wow. And I just thought that one was kind of funny.
That is funny. And I think a lot of us are safe from that one because I don't know a lot of people who hunt tortoises, but if you hunt tortoises, watch out now.
Tortoises are so cute. I know. Tortosai.
Tortosai. So this one is odd. It's called the bendis.
And it translates into mother's blessing, which is ironic for this one.
They're a clan of Welsh fairies. And they... engage in kind of the same behavior as the changelings do.
They just kidnap kids. rude so they're like the goblins and labyrinth oh okay yeah and they so they kidnap the human baby and then they leave their own deformed offspring called crimbrills in their place and The parents of the kids that are kidnapped, the only way to even try to get their kids back, they have to consult a witch.
And sometimes they'll be lucky enough that the Bendis will just come and return the baby.
But But there's a specific time that they will do this.
Only after... They have taught them to appreciate good music.
I'm in favor of that. They make sure that they are up on their Bowie.
Yep. That they... It just sounds like you're parenting.
Right? I feel... Yeah. They make sure to put some doors in there.
And then they send them home. Stevie Nicks. so stevie nicks tom petty you forgot them oh i'm sorry stevie nicks tom petty i was hoping you would jump in with those how could you So aside from just being kidnappers and like shits, they also tend to tire out horses by riding them frequently. which that's just weird which is just inconsiderate like i guess they just like will ride horses consistently until they tire out the poor horse and then they're like bye bitch We're done here.
Yeah. Now to make these fairies happy and to keep them from stealing your kids. people would leave milk outside of their houses and would only speak these fairies names in like reverence and Never in, like, nasty tones.
Never a bad word. So yeah. So people didn't want to offend these bitches because they'll take your kids.
Now the next one I have, I have two more and then I just have one crazy little... gang of fairies to talk about.
This one's called the Fackins. Sounds like the Fackins.
Yeah. I'm probably saying it wrong, but I like that way of saying it the best.
So deal with it. I love it. And these are Scottish fairies again.
So these ones look terrifying. They... are so hideous and horrifying that they were said to stop a man's heart just by somebody looking at them.
I believe it. Now the Fakins are covered head to toe in fur and hair.
And they only possess singular body parts.
So they only have one eye, one hand, one leg.
One finger, one toe, one foot. You know, like everything is one.
One ear. Yeah, that's weird. Just think about that for a second.
One tooth? All of these body parts. are placed in a center line down their bodies.
That's just stupid. That's just stupid. that's just stupid that's not scary that's stupid that's just like bad that's like bad planning if i saw them i would say You stupid.
You stupid fucking. Literally though. And they're also the kind of fairies that can't fly.
Well, what do they do then? They got nothing going for them.
Except... They are very violent and very territorial. now what are you gonna do hit me with your one hand well what they're gonna hit you with is a spiked club or chain that they always care with carry with themselves Listen, guys, I don't know where the hard feelings came from.
I don't either. We're good. We're bros. I mean, we're bros.
So if you trespass onto these hideous beasts land and don't immediately get scared off by them having a center line of body parts down their bodies they're just gonna bang you in the face with a spiked club or a chain I mean, it seems like fair enough.
So my word to all of you listening right now is stay away from the Fakins.
Stay the fuck away from the fucking. Stay the fuck away from the fucking.
Also, it's probably pronounced like. fashion or something maybe it's the food but i think it's the fucking because it's scottish so i feel like it's like right Because I feel like that's how it all sounds.
Is that how Scottish people sound? That's nice.
We just lost all our Scottish listeners.
I meant that like the best way. Like Scottish accents to me are beautiful and amazing.
I love Scottish accents. Yeah, you really made them sound that way with your sound effects.
But they're all very like meh. It's slightly harsh.
Yeah. So those are the Fakins. Stay away from them.
The last singular, you know, kind of fairies I'm going to talk about are pretty gross.
They're called the Red Caps. Oh, no. Guess where they originated in?
Scotland. Oh, I was like, I don't have a guess.
They look like... gaunt, sickly old men, but they also have sharp claws and sharp teeth.
Oh. Although they look gaunt and sickly, they have super crazy strength and can overpower a grown man.
Yikes. They also carried around a scythe and they would use this scythe to hack and slash people to death if you come near them.
The hash slinging slasher. Now, they're not done.
After they hack and slash you, they... will mop up your blood with their caps, and that's how they get their name, the red caps, because their caps are just full of blood. that's gross and i just thought of something nasty oh no what they just got tampons i literally knew you were going there You a tampon head.
That's what I would say to them. And then they would hack you with their Sith scythe.
They would still have a tampon head, so who's the real loser here?
Who's the winner here? I may be in pieces, but you got a blood-soaked hat on your head.
Now, they also join a couple of their other fairy friends in being cannibals.
Who will eat both humans and other fairies after they kill them.
Phenomenal. Yeah, they're serious. The only way to ward these delightful little men away from you...
Is to recite biblical verses. I'd be fucked.
And yeah. And you have to be real quick. with this biblical verse recitation that you have to do out of nowhere because they are very quick and very strong so they will come at you like Like, wah!
And you just have to be like, Jesus! And just start.
One more time, like what? Wah! Oh, okay.
Just so I'm prepared in case. I mean, it doesn't say that they use that sound, but... i feel it okay i feel it's right now the last thing i'm just going to talk about which was just interesting to me and it was also kind of a callback to the last episode where we talked about santa's scary ass helpers okay this is called now it looks like it's it's pronounced the slog But it's actually pronounced the slua.
Oh. And me just saying that is pretty bad, apparently. now you said it good okay we're in this together I'm glad I made you say that I tricked you shit bitch So now we're in this together.
So this is a Wild Hunt callback. Do you remember last episode we talked about the Wild Hunt, where it's just a bunch of goblins, fairies, and ghouls, and demons just... wreaking havoc and causing mischief.
Yes. Well, the sluah... Stop saying it.
Is the name of the Unseelie Court or the Evil Fairies?
The name means the host, which is actually, because there's a lot of times where they'll use euphemisms to say these things. instead of saying them because saying them is supposed to invoke them.
In this case, the host is the euphemism to avoid invoking them.
Because if you say their name, then you could be invoking them.
Thank you, asshole. You're welcome. So what they are is, because we should know now because we've invoked them.
They are a group formed of the darkest, most vile creatures imaginable.
So that's fine. So they're supposed to be like super thin, gaunt heads. haggard looking they have skin that's barely just like just hanging off their bones um And they also can look bird-like even when they're not flying around.
They have leathery wings that they keep super close to their bodies.
And it kind of looks like a cape or like a creepy ass cloak.
Their hands and feet are like bony claws.
They have like stringy, sparse, dark hair that covers their heads. and they have creepy-ass gnarly pointed fang teeth that are coming out of a beak-like mouth.
Hate that. Yeah. They hang out with the Wild Hunt with all those hooligans and heathens. and so they they just fly around the night skies and they basically i mean this is going to be a shock but they stem from scotland and ireland But there's also accounts of these creatures being, like this whole gang of creatures. being seen in Germany, France, the Czech Republic, Poland, Scandinavia,
Russia, all kinds of places. They're basically riding For hapless souls.
Like they're trying to steal people's souls.
Me too. It used to be thought to be... like the telltale sign of some horrible war that was going to happen or some kind of widespread... like plague or catastrophe or some kind of awful thing that was like always associated with that.
Which I mean, again, if you're seeing the Wild Hunt, if you're seeing like a fucking gangle of demons and fairies and fucking misshapen... turd creatures flying all over the place like something bad's gonna happen yeah i mean something bad's already happened if you're seeing that i mean That's bad.
Hey, hey, hey, it's happening. It's happening.
They were seen as, quote, fairies gone amok.
And they're kind of believed to be just kind of like a fucked up version of fairies.
Like a distorted anti-fairy. And they basically have no logic, no reason, no loyalty, and no mercy.
Which is everything that fairies are supposed to have.
Now, when this was—that's what they were thought of pre-Christianity, but then Christianity came around to Ireland and Scotland, and this—
Slua became a pack of... Stop saying it.
We already said it. It's happening. They became.
There's no we. I said it once. You said it, man.
You're in this with me. Yeah, but you said it like so many times at this point.
But you know what? You're thinking it now.
You're hearing it and you're thinking it.
It's in your brain. It's in your head. No.
Well, once Christianity came and got a hold of this, this gaggle of... of ugly fairies became thought to be just a bunch of unrepentant dead sinners that's what they referred to them at like fallen angels kind of thing Oh.
So there's... So what we're seeing is like they've been looked at as either anti-fairies or... if you're looking at it from a Christianity point of view, these were once humans that are now these like...
Just crazy creatures that were just thrown into this wild hunt and have to spend eternity here.
Now... Their prey are humans. They go after humans.
Their main purpose is to steal souls of the living and specifically the dying.
But that doesn't mean that if you're in good health and everything's fine and you're not dying and you're happy, they won't come and take your soul too.
They're happy to do it because they're dicks.
If they come for you, you're going to be lifted up from a great height and then you're going to be dropped from that great height.
No, that's okay. Thanks, though. They're just, they're the worst.
And they're like a terrible version of that ride that you love.
Where it like shoots you up and then just drops you from a great height.
Oh, that's my favorite fucking ride ever.
At Six Flags, it's called Scream. So you would love this.
I'm not opposed. They're known to have a penchant for sadism.
They are sometimes known to force their victims to shoot at other people and animals with poisoned arrows.
That's like ridiculously intense. Right?
Now, there are ways to try to fend them off and you can do something that we've been telling you to do from the beginning.
Close your damn windows. Lock your fucking door and close your fucking window.
And specifically close your windows and lock them, the ones that are faced west.
Because that's usually... I don't even know where the fuck that is.
Well, you better find it out because that's where the swarm of crazy heathenous anti-fairies are coming swarming to your house. from no thank you now apparently the other way that you can always tell that they're coming is they smell like shit like they're gonna be this big bunch of flying they're gonna smell like a bunch of corpses just flying through the air Oh, and the other, this is another dick move that they do.
They like to prey on dying souls before they're given their last rites.
Oh, that's really sad. Like, that's, like, their specific dick move.
Like, they're, like... How is that... even fair game yet right they're just dicks so they wait until they're like right at the brink and right before they're about to get their last rights and then like haha we gonna take your soul bit In my opinion, that's cheating.
You get it. But you know what? They don't care because they're anti fairies.
To this day, in some places, doors and windows on the west sides of houses are kept locked and closed if there's a sick or dying person in the house.
Like this is still something that people believe today.
You better be superstitious. The writings in the West.
No, there's the way that you're going to call them upon you is one by uttering the name.
Good job. Whoops. Oh, tell me. Yeah. that's the only way to get out of it so i.e a human shield so you literally have to be willing to sacrifice another person Which, I mean, I'm not opposed.
I'm ready. I'm glad we're on the same page.
I wouldn't use you, though. I wouldn't use you either.
So we'll find someone to throw in their path.
We'll be together when I have at least five people in mind.
Yeah, there you go. I have a couple of people that I'll throw in their path.
And I will feel nothing. I will feel nothing at all.
So that is the... uh anti-fairies that i'm not going to say their name one more time because i feel like i'm testing fate yeah you are Those are my crazy-ass, murderous, cannibalistic, blood-soaked fairies.
This is the first half of our murderous...
Crazy ass fairies. And who knows when you'll get part two.
I do, but you don't. You don't. But you'll know soon.
You don't even know. You don't even know. there's so many more guys like once you start looking through dark ass fairies you realize how many Gary.
It's like Santa's dark helpers. You don't realize that they're there until you start looking for them.
There's a lot of dark corners in the world.
I know and I love it. Yeah. So we're definitely going to be back with another round of dark fairies that Ash is going to tell you all about.
And that's going to be on another Mini Morbid episode.
So stay tuned. Keep listening to Mini Morbid.
Yes. mini mini morbid exactly That's the theme song.
I should just put that as the intro song.
I dare you. I will. Can you make that the theme song, please?
Yes. All in favor say aye. Aye. Aye. Done.
Cool, everyone's in favor. That was so easy.
Executive decisions. Made. So by this point in the episode you already know whether that was the intro or not.
But now it's explained. And this isn't a mini episode anymore, guys, so we'll see you next week with our different case.
Yeah, so stay tuned for our holiday extravaganza.
Yeah, and it's going to be either, what is it, our last holiday case?
Yeah, it'll be our last holiday case, and it's going to be a two-parter.
Because it's a biggie. So look out for that, guys.
So we hope you keep listening. And we hope you keep it.
Weird. Stay away from fairies. And don't say that last one's name.
And if you do... Lock your fucking West Wing and if you do that and they still get you...
Find a human shield. Everybody's got an enemy.
Guys, find someone to toss in their path and you're good.
Everyone has got a human enemy. Everyone has a human shield in mind.
Yeah. You all do it. Bye. Bye. Thank you.
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The town of Agde in France is famous for sun, sand, sea and sex.
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The town's mayor, a respected pillar of the community, has been arrested for corruption.
His wife claims he's been bewitched by a beautiful clairvoyant.
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As the mayor is unable to carry out his duties, I would like to address you all.
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