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Learn more at hbs.me slash accelerate.
Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we talk about how to get happier.
This week, we'll talk about avoiding the seven deadly sins of disconnection and we will talk about a super easy hack for elevating your spaces.
I'm Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, and human nature.
I'm in my little home office in New York City, and joining me today is my sister Elizabeth Craft, my sister the sage.
That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer living in LA.
And Gretchen, I fear I am guilty of some of these seven deadly sins of disconnection.
So this is a good segment for me.
I think we all are.
So it's something for us all to reflect on.
But first, we got some updates.
Right.
We heard from Alyssa, who celebrates what we call Garbage Eve.
She's calling it Trash Eve.
But a listener had told us about Garbage Eve.
Yes.
It's cracked us up.
She said my husband and I celebrate Trash Eve every two weeks thanks to one of your previous listener tips.
We no longer miss Trash Day and we actually clean out the fridge on a regular basis.
It's amazing.
I'm writing in to share our recent financial habit success.
Throughout my marriage, I've tracked our family finances.
I don't mind doing this and I appreciate my husband's faith in my money skills.
However, after a miserable two-year period of co-unemployment, Our finances became strained and I felt he needed to be more involved in our money decisions.
I knew he would hate this.
Money can be stressful.
So, knowing how much trash Eve has bettered our lives, I took a cue from Liz and Sarah on Happier in Hollywood and created a named event.
Now, every Sunday, we sit down for Sunny Money.
We spend an hour going over our past purchases and we look at the bills for the week ahead.
The fun name takes the stress out of the conversation.
Instead of ominously saying let's sit down and talk over family finances, we just say can we do Sunny Money?
We are now both employed yay, and Sunny Money has us consistently paying down debt and saving again.
I feel like our financial goals are aligned and we both know the effect of splurging a little on a nice dinner date.
It has helped our happiness and our bank account.
Thank you for giving me some building blocks to tackle a hard thing.
This is so great.
And it's just...
So remarkable how just giving something a different name can really change it.
It's kind of bonkers, right?
It is baffling, but it is so true.
Nicknames and names make things so much more important than they otherwise would be.
Even something simple.
Yeah.
Sarah and I do every week a Killer Bee work hour, which is getting together with listeners on Zoom and just everybody works on something.
And I know, just for us, we're so much more likely to be consistent because we've named it the Killer Bee work hour.
Whereas if it was just oh, should we do a work hour on Zoom on Friday?
We'd probably be like eh, I don't know.
But because we've named it, we're like committed.
No, and it's like your point that you made a while back about.
If you give like a gathering a fun name Yes,
Like the Fiero Fiesta or something like that.
It just elevates it.
There's something about having a name.
Now, I think what's also very clever in what Alyssa did is by calling it Sunny Money.
Yes.
First of all, it's the rhyming heuristic, so that feels fun and memorable.
But also, it's putting a positive spin on it.
Yes.
And it is something like, oh, let's talk about family finances.
That just does not sound enticing.
But sunny money, just the word, it just puts a different perspective on it.
And these are the kind of things that, if you can make it even slightly easier to keep up with, it might have a huge consequence down the line.
And here's another thing that Alyssa did, which was something worked really well in one area.
So Trash Eve worked really well.
How can I adapt that into a different context?
And I think this is a really good thing with any time with habits.
If you're struggling with something, say to yourself is there an area in which I do this well, when this is much easier for me, when I have been consistent?
And maybe there's something there to learn.
Like I enjoy it much more if it's social.
I do much better if it's later in the day instead of first thing in the morning.
I do better on the weekdays than on the weekends.
A lot of times there's clues from what has worked that then you can use in other contexts.
So here she's like oh, giving it this name has really helped us be consistent in taking on our trash.
How do we adapt that approach in a different context?
Well with Sunny Money and it worked because clearly that is an approach that really resonates with both of them.
So well done.
And so old story again to the listener who thought of Garbage Eve, which is such a funny idea.
You are doing good in the world to this day.
Yes.
We all now celebrate Garbage Eve.
Also, I'm very excited to tell everybody about this new tool on my website, GretchenRubin.com.
It is my new happiness helpline.
It is a tool where you can ask questions about habits or happiness and you can get a tailored answer based on my books, my articles, the podcast.
It can just quickly go through all of that material.
So if you ask something like how do I break the habit of staying up too late scrolling on my phone?
It will...
It suggests a lot of different strategies, like how to make your phone less tempting switching it to grayscale or changing your bedtime routine so it's more appealing.
Or if you asked a question like how do I get myself to exercise after work when what I really want to do is watch TV?
It will come up with specific suggestions for you and also give you a lot of places to go deeper if you want to, so just go to gretchenrubincom and if you click on the icon in the bottom right hand corner, that's where you'll find it.
Or if you use the happier app, you can find it on the happier app.
But anyway, it's just a really good way.
If you're looking for particular information yes, among my materials.
It's just a very quick way to get it, so that's great.
Yeah, check it out and tell me what you think.
I'm really excited about it.
Yeah, more happiness for everybody.
Yes, exactly.
This week, our Try This at Home suggestion is to avoid the seven deadly habits that disconnect us.
Yeah, so Gretchen, I absolutely love this topic.
Go into it.
Okay.
Yeah, I love any kind of seven deadly anythings is an interesting thing, right?
There's a very interesting book called Modern Friendship by Anna Goldfarb.
And in it, she outlines the seven deadly disconnecting habits that push people away.
These were habits that were identified by William Glasser.
So they are all the seven deadly habits of disconnection, because they are an attempt to control another person.
And the theory is that this is a relationship killer because people want to feel free and autonomous.
And when they start to feel managed or coerced, they start to want to break away.
So for instance, one of them is criticizing.
So if you are pointing out what's wrong with what somebody's doing or saying, even if you're framing it as helpful, the criticism signals that you think the other person is deficient in some way.
So it puts them on the defensive and makes them feel judged rather than accepted.
Yeah, I know I'm guilty of this one, for sure.
I mean, we all are, right?
And then number two is blaming.
Holding someone responsible for your unhappiness or for things going wrong.
It's hard to feel close to someone who regularly casts you as the villain.
This is bad.
Like, I will say to Jamie, I'm looking for a way to blame you for this.
Like, I will just admit it.
I am somebody who is just like, especially if I'm at fault.
I just so much don't want to be at fault.
I remember that whole thing, when we were supposed to go on an international trip and Eleanor's passport had expired.
And that was clearly something that within... our family fell within my ambit of responsibility.
And I just wanted so badly to be able to blame anybody else.
And it was just like, nope, I'm the one responsible for this.
So that is something that I feel like I have to be very careful not to do.
And here's a super popular one, complaining.
Now, this is important to note that we all make one-off complaints.
That is normal.
That's not such a big deal.
But when people are habitually complaining, when they are chronically dissatisfied, that just creates an area of negativity that is very draining.
And it signals to somebody else that you fall short of their expectations or the circumstances fall short of their expectations.
That's very draining.
Yes.
Now, here's one of my worst ones, Gretch.
Number four, nagging. repeating requests or grievances over and over.
Nagging is essentially complaint on a loop and it communicates a lack of trust.
You don't believe the other person will come through on their own.
It's experienced as a form of low-grade harassment.
Now, what I have started to do, Gretch, is I'll ask Jack for permission to nag him about something.
Like how?
That's interesting.
Well, for instance, I'll say, you need to get that application in.
Are you okay if I nag you every night until you get it done?
And he'll say, oh, I guess that's a good idea.
Because he knows maybe there is something that needs to be done that he likely will keep putting off.
And if I don't nag him, it won't happen.
And that's my problem with nagging.
Is I feel like the reason I'm nagging is because if I don't nag, certain things will never happen.
So nagging is tough because I feel like I have the mental load of needing something to get done.
So what am I supposed to do if not nag?
Just say, okay, it'll never happen.
Okay.
And what I always want to say is like, if you don't want to be nagged, Just go ahead and do it.
And then I won't mention it.
I don't enjoy this any more than you do.
If you would just do it, then there would be no need to remind you.
This comes up because rebels are often nagged.
And I'm like whatever you do, don't nag a rebel, because you will incite the spirit of resistance with them.
And I think sometimes people are sort of like, well...
I'm going to let you bring it up five times and then I'll buckle down.
And you're like, but that's hard on me too.
Right.
Kind of a related mantra of yours is everybody should do exactly what they want.
I know.
I've not been upholding that well lately, Gretch.
I got to get back to that.
But especially with children, household things.
There's so many areas where you can't.
The stakes are too high to just let the chips fall where they may.
To mix a metaphor
Stakes are high and the chips are falling.
But I'm sure with all of these it's like people are like well, I have a good reason for what I'm doing.
I'm complaining because things are lousy.
So it's just something to be aware of.
But they do disconnect you.
They do.
And that's the point is they do cause a break in relationships.
But so maybe the thing to do and maybe we're jumping ahead here.
It's like with the nagging, you ask for permission.
So that's one thing to do.
Or maybe you put up a Post-it note.
So there's a reminder, but you're not, it's not your nagging voice in his ear.
Right.
There's a Post-it note, but he still sees that reminder.
Like you move it around.
So, you know, it's never just wallpaper.
Right.
Or remember what I try to do is like one word, like dishes.
Right.
Rather than don't forget to put your, because it's just like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So you just say like one word.
Do something on like.
What am I going to say?
And then there's a little air of mystery.
Gamify.
Gamify.
Maybe.
Yeah, we've all done it.
Okay.
Threatening.
All right.
I think I'm less likely to threaten.
So using the prospect of harm.
So this could be lots of different kinds of harm.
It could be emotional.
It could be social.
It could be other kinds of harm to try to get somebody to act a certain way.
That puts fear into a relationship.
Even if the threat is never actually carried out.
It causes the disconnection by going to the sense of safety that a person feels like.
So I think I score high on nagging, pretty low on threatening.
I don't think I threaten that much that I can think of, but maybe it's more subtle.
Maybe there's subtle threatening.
Yes.
Yeah, I think I'd probably do that a bit with Jack in terms of doing well in school.
Yeah.
Well, again, it's the chips and the steaks.
Yes.
Okay, Gretch, number six is punishing.
Treating someone badly in retaliation for a perceived wrong.
Withdrawing warmth, giving the silent treatment.
Being deliberately cold or unkind.
Punishment is a power move.
I don't think I do this one so much.
Hopefully.
Yeah, the silent treatment is an interesting one because again, I think, maybe from the person's, From their own vantage point, they don't see themselves as being like oh, I'm giving the silent treatment.
But it is very unpleasant if somebody is giving you the silent treatment.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it feels very petty.
Yeah, and it feels very, very draining.
I think all of these are very hard to manage.
And then finally, in this categorization, is bribing or rewarding.
These are both efforts to control.
So what you're trying to do is you're trying to get somebody to do something, so you're bribing them or rewarding them to do it.
And they point out that this might seem counterintuitive.
It's more subtle, but really that even positive inducements are perceived as a form of manipulation.
And so it also makes a relationship feel transactional.
Now, this I'm very aware of because of rebels, because one of the things that is very striking with rebels is that praising them will often ignite the spirit of resistance.
And this is something that people are very surprised by.
We're all said like don't praise the rebel for doing the right thing, because they'll think that you're trying to get them to do something.
Don't comment at all.
Let them do what they want.
Don't get in their way by like trying to get in their heads.
And so to me this is very obvious, but it took me a while really talking to rebels to understand why praise, which is a form of reward, or actually a reward or a bribe it feels like an attempt to control.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And this is like someone says there are strings attached.
One thing I will say about mom and dad, which was great, is I feel like there was never any strings attached to any help they gave us.
No.
Which I very much appreciate.
Yeah.
Now, is there anything that you would add to this, Elizabeth?
Are there other habits?
Now, maybe technically they would be one of these seven, but is there anything that stands out to you as like?
Maybe you would add
Well, here's one I would add for today's world is not responding to texts and emails.
Ah, well, maybe that's a form.
It feels like the silent treatment kind of.
Yes, that drives me bonkers.
Yeah.
I also think sometimes, when people are really easily offended or easily hurt, where they feel really touchy, I feel like that disconnects you, because you're like I'm so worried that I'm going to do something accidentally.
Yeah. to set them off that I just want to avoid them altogether.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
This is more rare, but I do know people who are like this, where they always feel guilty that they've hurt you or that they've done something impolite.
Or they've done something, you know, like they haven't like lived up to what they should be.
And you're like, I don't care.
It doesn't matter.
I didn't notice.
And yet they still feel bad about it.
And again, it's just sort of like, ooh, now I have to manage your feelings and reassure you.
Yes.
We've talked about don't over-apologize.
You know, there's definitely people who have the habit of just apologizing for walking into a room, and it is off-putting.
Yeah.
And then also asking for too many favors.
Well, and also, you know, the opposite of a profound truth is also true.
And people who are too solicitous, that can also be sort of off-putting.
And people are constantly like trying to do this and trying to do that and like constantly doing you favors.
Or I sometimes feel like this, like, when Jamie has a cold and I'm like...
Do you want me to get you some day cold?
Do you want a heating pad?
Do you want a glass of water?
And he's just like, no, thank you.
Leave me alone.
Yeah.
And I'm like, why am I doing this?
It's clearly I want to express it, but it's not bringing us closer.
It's actually just kind of annoying him.
Like, why am I doing this?
And so I've been trying to pay attention to that.
So these are super interesting.
Let us know what you think of these seven deadly sins of disconnection.
I'll post a link to the book in the show notes.
And let us know, are there examples where you've seen these in action?
Let us know on Instagram, TikTok, threads, Facebook.
Drop us an email at podcast at gretchenrubin.com.
Or as always, you can go to the show notes.
This is happiercast.com slash 582 for anything related to this episode.
We talk so much about how relationships are really the key to a happy life.
So anything that helps us connect more deeply with other people is important.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
All right, Gretch, coming up, we have a lighting happiness hack.
But first, this break.
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Our programs connect you with faculty at the forefront of their fields, introduce you to a global network of leaders and help you step into your full potential.
The next chapter is yours.
Let us help you write it.
Apply today to accelerate your future.
Learn more at hbs.me slash accelerate.
Okay, Gretch, we are back with this week's happiness hack.
Yes, this was a product that I did not know existed.
And it is a cord attachment that you can put on.
You know, most every ordinary lamp, as far as I understand.
That allows you to dim it.
And I am a huge fan of dimmers.
I have a lot of my wall switches and I love to dim lights and brighten lights and adjust them.
And I have a few lamps that have the settings where it's like bright and brighter lights.
But I didn't know that you could just do this to any lamp pretty much.
And I am so excited because I love to dim.
And is this an extension cord you're saying that has like a little dial on it or something?
Yes, that's what I've seen.
A bar that you push higher or lower and you just plug the cord into that and then you plug that into the wall.
And I'm so excited to know this existed.
But here's the thing that I learned from our no spend February.
My impulse was like, these things are amazing.
I'm going to get one.
Oh, it's a bargain.
If I get two, I'll get two and then I'll have them.
But because of no spend February, I stopped and I thought, where would I actually use this?
What is the lamp that I would actually use this on?
And I thought, well, I love the idea that I can do it.
But when I think of all the lamps that I have, there aren't actually any lamps that I could think of off the top of my head that I would ever want to dim.
We do have lights that we can dim like on the wall.
And so I thought okay, I'm very happy to know that this exists, but I will not buy it until I actually have a lamp where I'm like I really want to be able to dim this particular lamp.
I almost wanted to buy them just so that I didn't forget that this was a possibility.
But now that we've had this conversation, I'm like I'll remember that this is a thing that you can do.
But I didn't buy them just on the theory that, like, I'm glad that it exists.
Right.
I want to wait until I know why I would need it.
That is smart.
Yeah.
Yeah, Gretch, it really is true.
Dimming light can, like, turn a regular house into, like, oh, I'm having a party.
Yes.
Right?
Isn't it weird how— It is.
It makes— such a difference in like people's attitude toward what's happening.
You know, oh, this is supposed to be a party if there's like mood lighting.
Whereas if it's bright, it just doesn't feel right.
I remember right when Jamie and I were very first married, we had people over like a party and a friend of mine went around and said like it's way too bright in here.
And he went around and turned off a bunch of lights.
And I was like, oh, this is amazing.
But the lighting still wasn't that good. where I probably needed dimmer switches.
Yeah.
So the ability to control light and to think through light is something that can really affect the quality of the atmosphere.
So I love that this is something that we can do.
I'll put a link in the show notes to the example that I saw.
They're very inexpensive.
Okay.
But can I do a drive-by hack as well?
Sure.
Okay, so every once in a while we get a note from a listener saying, hey, you guys talk too fast.
And the fact is we do talk too fast, but we don't talk all that fast.
Well, you talk fast, Gretchen.
I do not talk fast.
I talk fairly fast.
But when they say you too are speaking fast, I think you have accidentally changed the setting in your podcast player.
And so this is just a reminder, you can change the speed of a podcast.
You can speed it up, which is what a lot of people do.
They speed it up so they can listen to more podcasts faster.
But if you feel like we're speaking too quickly, you can make us speak slower to suit the way you're listening.
And if you feel like all of a sudden we've started speaking much faster, you may have accidentally hit your settings and not realized it.
So I think some people aren't aware that this is a thing that can be fairly easy to affect without noticing that you've done it.
I do this from time to time.
My finger just strays onto the wrong place.
Yes.
And all of a sudden people are talking like chipmunks or they're like the record player going around very slowly.
Yes, this often happens if I'm listening to a podcast and wearing my Apple Watch.
If it shows up there, it can be very easy to accidentally change the speed on the watch.
So yeah, something to be aware of, to use how you will.
And now for a listener question, and this is a question, Elizabeth, aimed at you.
Sarah asks, Liz talks about reality TV all the time and makes it sound really fun to watch.
I have never been a fan, but I want to give it a try.
But there's so much, I don't know what is the right place to start.
So many Real Housewives shows, so many competition shows.
I don't think I would like anything too mean or too dangerous.
Okay, Alyssa.
So this is what is the starter pack on reality TV for the person who's intrigued but sort of overwhelmed by the options.
Okay, well, I'm only going to give a couple of options because, again, I don't want to overwhelm.
I mean, of course, I could list like 20 things to watch.
I would start with Traders on Peacock.
So Traders is a competition show where celebrities live, or theoretically live, in a castle in Scotland and they compete and one person ends up winning a pot of money.
It's really fun.
It's hosted by Alan Cumming.
He's so much fun.
He wears really wonderful, outrageous outfits.
A lot of people like to watch it just to see what Alan Cumming is wearing.
The stakes are low.
So if you don't want to again worry too much or have it be like oh, someone's life is going to be ruined if they don't win this.
It's not like that.
Although everyone cares a lot.
So you're very invested.
So traders on Peacock.
Mm.
And then, if you want to check out a Real Housewives show, I would suggest, for just pure entertainment, go back and start with season one of The Real Housewives of New York.
It was a fantastic cast with The Real Housewives.
It is nice to start into season one so you're getting to know everybody.
Famously, Bethany Frankel was on that cast.
She went on to create Skinny Girl Margaritas, which is a huge business.
It's got a lot of wonderful characters on it.
It's very entertaining.
So that's a couple of places.
It must be a real period piece, too, I would think.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
At this point, it's a real period piece because I think it started about 18 years ago.
Isn't that amazing?
So those would be a couple that I would suggest.
And if you want to watch with a kid, I think Survivor is always entertaining.
It's always a place to watch.
And that's just on CBS on Wednesdays.
So that you don't need any sort of streaming service for.
So Survivor is always great.
It's a classic, right?
Yes.
And then I guess the nicest, sweetest one is the Great British Bake Off, right?
Well, yes.
I do not watch the Great British Bake Off because I am just not that interested in baking.
Although I bet if I got into it, I would probably love it.
But yes, people absolutely love the Great British Bake Off.
Well, what's nice about all these shows is you can really pick your vibe.
Like if you want something that is mean and dangerous, they're mean and dangerous ones.
There's so many to choose from.
But yeah, both of my daughters really love Traders.
That's a fairly new show, isn't it?
It seems super popular.
Yes, and it is very popular right now.
So it's also a great one for water cooler talk.
Like if you're thinking, oh, there's so much conversation around these shows.
Yes.
I'd like to be able to chime in.
Traders is one that people talk about a lot.
It just finished a season.
Also, the English version is great.
Anyway, all these shows are in my mind Gretchen, and I am resisting the urge to just go on and, on and on.
Yes.
Yes.
Project Runway.
Oh, yeah.
Fashion.
Anyway, it's it's a big world.
There are many.
Yeah.
But thank you for the question, Sarah.
I love thinking about reality TV.
Okay, Gretch, coming up, I give myself a demerit related to Orange Theory Fitness.
But first, this break.
I have been doing a little spring reset with my closet lately, trying to focus more on quality over quantity.
Fewer pieces, but ones that are well-made and easy to wear every single day.
Gretchen, you know what I'm going to say?
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Okay, Elizabeth, it's time for demerits of gold stars.
This is an even numbered episode, which means it's your turn to talk about a demerit.
What's this orange theory demerit?
I think I can guess.
Yes.
So Gretchen, you know, I have on my 26th list to go to 100 orange theory classes.
I was right on track doing my thing.
And then I went to New York and I got sick when I came back.
And I have just had a really hard time getting back into it.
It's that thing where restarting something is harder than starting it.
I have gone, but I'm not in my groove and my routine.
So it's a problem.
I've got to just... book the classes and show up.
And I even did something I don't think I've ever done before, which is cancel something I'd booked.
Wow.
Yeah.
And I think part of it is I really had a bad cold that... really dragged and had a coughing element.
And so part of it is I was very aware of not wanting to be in class and have people not want me there because I was coughing and you don't know if you're going to cough until you're doing it.
So I have sort of layers of resistance, just the usual exercise resistance, the sort of worried I'll be bothering people.
They'll think I'm sick resistance.
The oh, if I do this, I'm going to be way more tired than I usually am, so that I won't be able to do these other things resistance.
So anyway, I just got to bite the bullet, get back into it, get back on track, which is why I wanted to give myself a demerit.
But you know what this reminds me of?
What?
Do you remember at the beginning of 2025, you got really sick?
Yes.
And you had the orange theory.
I think then it was only 50 at the beginning of the year.
But it was hard because you sort of were starting the year with all the New Year energy.
And I think you were sick like over the holiday break.
Oh.
Then I got COVID and then the flu.
I got both.
Oh, I'd forgotten that.
That's right.
So at least that didn't happen this time.
That's right.
But it was a bad lingering cold.
It was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You could barely talk.
So, yeah, this is better than that, but it is a similar thing.
I've been thinking about that, too.
And, like, how did I get back into it after that?
Because I did.
Well, that's the thing.
You get it, you know, one way or another.
Just get back in that Orange Theory saddle.
Yep.
Okay, Gretch, what is your gold star?
Okay, well, with fire.
I've been trying to think of things that I overlook or that I take for granted, that I really want to be grateful for and remember how much happiness they bring me.
And today's episode is context and reading glasses and glasses.
Eyesight correction. because I am very, very seriously nearsighted.
I wear contacts from the moment that I get up in the morning to the time I go to bed and I love them and I feel so grateful for them, and I remember the days of wearing glasses.
If you're really, really nearsighted, actually, Glasses don't correct your vision as well.
I remember how ecstatic I was when I got glasses for the first time, because I realized I really couldn't see anything.
Then getting contacts was amazing.
I could again see better and I love not having glasses.
But that's when I had to use solution and clean them every night and once a week, dissolve these tablets.
It was a whole thing.
Now I have disposable, which is so easy to use.
They're thin, but they're really easy to put in my eye.
They tint them just ever so slightly now so it doesn't make your eye look any different color, but they're much easier to see, like if you drop them in the sink or whatever.
And I just feel so, so grateful that I live in a world where these things are possible and part of my daily life.
I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have eyesight correction.
It's funny you say that because I just saw Project Hail Mary and there's a guy who's on a spaceship for many, many years and he has glasses.
And one of my things that was distracting me the whole time was I wanted to know that he had backup pairs of glasses.
Because I kept worrying, what if his glasses break?
I really hope that he has several pair.
It was bothering me the whole movie.
Well, remember that Twilight Zone where the guy I can't even remember the whole He wants to just read for life.
He wishes no one would exist, right?
So he could just read and then that happens, but he breaks his glasses.
Yeah, he gets his wish, but he breaks his glasses and he can't see.
So yes, gold star to all the scientists and manufacturers and companies that make these things, because I am very, very grateful for them.
The resource for this week.
Okay, so tax day.
If tax day is making you want to cut your spending, you can do a no-spend month at any time.
We did no-spend February, but any month can be a no-spend time.
One of the things that we both found is that if you go through a period of deprivation, it heightens your pleasure.
And if you break the habit of purchasing, it kind of makes you realize what you're buying, how you're buying, just like I realized, instead of just impulsively buying these dimmer things.
Why did I wait until I find out if I actually need them?
I just released a guide that will help you do an ofspend month if you want to do it whenever your timeline is.
You can decide what's on your buy list and your not buy list, what you're going to do with your savings.
It's all at happiercast.com slash resources.
And Alyssa, what are we reading?
What are you reading?
I am reading The All or Nothing Marriage, How the Best Marriages Work by Eli Finkel.
And I am just about to start All My Knotted Up Life by Beth Moore.
And that's it for this episode of Happier.
Remember to try this at home.
Avoid the seven deadly sins of disconnection.
Let us know what you think of these seven deadly sins.
What are your observations?
Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed, and everyone at Lemonada.
Here's your writing reminder.
We usually remind people to use word of mouth because word of mouth is the best, but we also really love a review.
If you're a fan of the podcast, review it fast.
Until next week, I'm Elizabeth Kraft.
And I'm Gretchen Rubin.
Thanks for joining us Onward and Upward.
What is it about being able to dim lights?
It just it just feels so luxurious to me.
It does.
And like if a light is too bright, it just kills the mood.
Although I will say like I like kind of brighter lights just day to day, whereas Adam would have everything dimmed all the time.
Oh, interesting.
Eleanor wants to put twinkle lights on everything, and that's a different kind of light.
That's also very fun.
Yes.
Hi, Gretchen, Craig Robinson, and my little sister Michelle here.
We host a new podcast called IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson.
We know you're the queen of giving advice, so we wanted to get a few tips from you.
Gretchen, a lot of our listeners are going through some major life changes.
What advice do you have for folks who are trying to stay grounded in the midst of major life transitions?
Craig and Michelle, I am so happy to be talking to you.
Here are a few questions that might help us gain perspective.
So consider questions like this.
What activities take up my time but are not particularly useful or stimulating for me?
Do I spend a lot of time on something that's important to someone else but is not very important to me?
If I could magically change one habit in my life, what would I choose?
And here's a question.
Would I like to have more time in solitude restorative solitude or would I like to have more time with friends?
You know, just thinking about questions like this can help us start to figure out how we might make our lives happier.
With greater self-knowledge, we're better able to make hard decisions that reflect ourselves, our own nature, our own interests, our own values.
In my own case, I found that the more my life reflects my nature, the happier I get and the more grounded I feel when I'm going through a period of major change or transition.
For more great advice, search for IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson wherever you get podcasts.
You can listen to Issa Rae on letting go of certain friendships, Kiki Palmer on why disappointment is actually the key to career success, Seth and Lauren Rogan on caring for aging parents, and so many more.
