Building trust, whether you're a team leader at work or volunteering for a project in your community, is a superpower.
When you know how to build trust on a team, you're creating a foundation that makes everything else work efficiency innovation motivation, problem solving and progress.
So how do you do that?
How do you build trust in an English speaking environment?
A lot of my students struggled with this because it's not about being nice having perfect grammar or using complex vocabulary.
It's about culture.
When we talk about building trust in English speaking workplaces, there are specific cultural expectations around how trust is built and, of course, the language we use with those expectations.
So if you've moved to an English-speaking country or now you're working with people in the US, Canada or Australia, for example, those expectations can feel invisible.
And that's why, in this lesson today, I want to walk through six specific ways to build trust and influence in English-speaking environments.
And this isn't only about the English phrases you need.
I'm also going to explain why these behaviors matter, so that you can make informed choices about how you communicate in English.
So let's start right away with step number one. getting to know each person on your team.
In English speaking cultures, this matters more than you think.
Trust starts when people feel like you see them as an individual, not just as someone who completes tasks or helps you complete a goal on a project.
And when i say get to know someone, it's more than just asking someone their name, where they're from or what they do in their free time.
It's about showing genuine interest through what you remember or what you follow up on.
Let me give you a quick example.
Let's say that two weeks ago a coworker mentioned they were feeling a little bit nervous about presenting to a new client and the next time you see them you could ask the standard how was your week question.
And there's nothing wrong with that, it's a polite question.
But it's also generic.
It doesn't show that you remembered anything specific about what they said two weeks ago.
So instead you could say oh, i remember you had a client presentation coming up.
How did that go?
Now you've done two things.
You've shown that you were actually listening the first time when they mentioned that presentation and you cared enough to remember it and follow up on it.
That small shift from a generic question to a specific one is what builds trust.
So, when you want to do this, when you want to ask a question that follows up on something someone has said previously, here are two great phrases you can use for that.
The first is, I remember you mentioned.
How did that turn out?
Or, I noticed you've been working on.
What's been the most interesting or the most challenging part so far?
These two question starters work because they show that you're paying attention.
You paid attention to something they shared with you previously or you're paying attention to something that they're focused on now.
Now, when i work on these skills with my students, some of the reactions or responses i get sound like this but in my culture, asking personal questions at work feels intrusive.
And you're right.
In many cultures keeping work and personal life separate is the professional standard.
But in English-speaking workplace culture in places like the US, the UK and Canada, showing interest in someone else's projects, work challenges and even weekend plans is seen as respectful.
It signals that you value that person, not just their output, what they're doing for you at work.
So if you've felt surprised by how many people ask you about your weekend in English, now you know why.
Now, super quick.
I have two notes that I want to share with you on this topic before we move to step two in building trust.
First yes, asking questions and showing interest is a common practice, but there are still boundaries.
It's generally safe to ask about weekend plans, how a project is going, professional achievements or other work-related interests.
But we avoid asking about romantic relationships, family planning religion, politics or personal finances.
And if a colleague seems uncomfortable, respect that boundary and instead stay focused on work-related topics.
The second thing I want to add here is that this isn't just about asking questions.
It's also about sharing appropriate information about yourself.
When you share a little bit about your own weekend or a challenge that you're working through.
It builds reciprocity, This sense of give and take that makes a relationship feel balanced.
And, of course, when it's appropriate, you can always acknowledge important moments like a work milestone or a completed project.
Those small moments of recognition add up.
Now, if you're thinking, this all sounds great, but Where do I actually practice these kinds of conversations?
I'm not really comfortable trying them at work.
That's exactly what we do inside the Confident Women community.
Every month, we explore real life topics like work-life balance, setting boundaries, career goals, relationships and navigating change.
All of these topics require having the right knowledge and the right language to use in those conversations.
These are things that matter in real life.
So inside the community, you get clear study guides with the vocabulary, grammar and pronunciation you need, plus workshops and casual conversation sessions where you can practice that language with women from around the world in a safe, important environment where mistakes aren't judged.
They're welcomed.
It also means getting to practice on topics just like this asking questions, sharing details about yourself and building connections along the way.
Now, if you want to learn more about the Confident Women community, I'll leave a link in the episode notes or you can visit speakconfidentenglishcom slash community.
And now, in step number two, we're going to talk about what happens after someone shares something with you.
Because asking questions is one thing, but if people don't feel like you're really listening, then none of this works.
So once you've shown interest in getting to know others, the next step is proving that you actually value what they share with you.
And this is where active listening comes in.
And here's something I notice when I work with my students, particularly those who are feeling nervous in the moment of the conversation.
It's easy to spend your listening time more worried about what you might say when it's your time to speak.
In other words, when people are talking in the conversation.
Rather than intently focusing and listening to what someone is saying, you might be more focused on the thoughts and the anxiety in your mind of what am I going to say.
What might someone ask me?
And what you're doing is trying to plan your response while someone else is still talking and you're not focused on what they're actually saying.
But when you shift your listening to really understanding what someone is saying instead of worrying about what you might say or what someone might ask, two things happen.
Number one you become better prepared to respond, and the reason you're better prepared is you've heard all the details, you know exactly what someone is talking about and when they do ask you a question, you have all the background information you need to provide a better answer.
And the second thing that you do is that you show the other person that you respect their perspective.
Now, of course, in any conversation, we might need to clarify what was said.
Maybe we're trying to make sure we got all the details right.
When we take a moment to clarify, we're actually showing active listening because In the process, we're likely to paraphrase what we heard.
So we're repeating back what we heard and understood.
And that is a sign of active listening.
So when you want to do this, there are a couple of great phrases to use.
The first one is, let me make sure I understood you.
You said, and then you repeat back what you heard.
This confirms that you got the information just right. or it gives opportunity to clarify if needed.
In the English-speaking workplace, this is seen as professional and helpful.
It shows that you care about understanding the message correctly.
You're not just waiting for your turn to talk now.
A second phrase that you can use to show active listening and to get more detail is simply tell me more about that.
And a third one i hadn't thought about it that way.
Now, depending on your background, that last one, i hadn't thought about it that way.
It might feel risky.
It could sound like you're admitting that you didn't know something, But actually it shows intellectual humility and an openness to learn new perspectives.
And that builds trust.
So let me show you what this looks like in a real situation.
I want you to imagine that a team member comes to you with a concern.
They're worried that a new software launch is going to slow down customer support response times.
Here's a response that doesn't work.
The IT team tested it thoroughly, so it should be fine.
We just need to give it time.
That response totally dismisses their concern.
It doesn't validate what they're feeling or what they might be observing.
A better response would be, let me make sure I understand you.
You're saying that the new software might slow down response times because the support team hasn't been trained yet.
Is that right?
Tell me more about what you're noticing or hearing.
Now you've done three things.
You've confirmed what you've heard, you've validated their concern and you've invited them to share more.
That creates a safer environment for people to speak up.
With that in mind, step number three is where things get culturally a little tricky, because what I'm about to tell you might sound completely wrong depending on where you're from.
In English-speaking culture, one of the most powerful trust-building behaviors is to own your own mistakes.
And I know that this can be a tough one.
Even though this is part of my culture the way that I experience trust I still find it challenging.
Most of us do.
And I've learned from many of my students that in other cultures around the world, admitting a mistake publicly can undermine credibility.
It's not something that is encouraged.
So what I'm about to share can sound very counterintuitive, But in English-speaking cultures, like here in the United States, admitting mistakes is seen as a sign of honesty and courage.
When you own your mistakes, you build up respect rather than lose it.
In fact, in most English-speaking workplaces, when a leader or colleague admits to a mistake, it creates an environment where others feel like it's safe to do the same.
And that openness builds trust.
So if you observe that this is happening where you work, I want to give you a few phrases that you can use when you need to own up to a mistake.
The first one is simply saying, I made a mistake and here's what I'm doing to fix it.
And then of course, you would outline exactly what's happening.
A second phrase is simply saying, you were right.
I should have listened.
This one does two things at once.
First, it validates the other person's judgment and it shows humility.
And if you're a team leader, when people see you doing this.
It creates a culture where others feel safe admitting their own mistakes.
And when someone admits a mistake, it creates an opportunity to fix it and prevent it from happening again in the future.
And now here's one more phrase that you can use.
And this is great if you're having a one-on-one conversation with someone after a mistake has been made.
You could say, I didn't handle that situation well.
What would have been more helpful?
This phrase turns a mistake into a learning opportunity.
Let's take a look at a real situation where you might need this kind of language.
Perhaps you forgot to CC a coworker in a project update email and it caused confusion for the entire team.
Here's what wouldn't work in that situation.
We want to avoid something like Sorry, I was totally swamped with work and I just had too many emails to respond to.
That answer, it's deflecting.
You're making an excuse instead of accepting responsibility.
So a better response would be, I made a mistake. by not including you in the email thread.
I should have made sure that you were part of the conversation from the very beginning.
I've added you now and I've sent you the full context.
And, of course, going forward.
I'll double check my communications to make sure that the right people are on every email.
That response states exactly what happened.
It takes responsibility and explains how you're going to prevent it from happening again.
It moves forward in an authentic way without being performative.
In other words, you're not just going through the motions.
You're actually doing something about it.
Now there's one quick note I want to add here.
When we own a mistake, especially at work, we don't need to over-apologize.
Instead, we simply state what happened, take responsibility, explain what we'll do differently next time and then move on.
That's how we sound confident and sincere even when owning up to our mistakes.
Okay, by this point, you've built a strong foundation.
You're paying attention to people, you're listening and even owning up to mistakes when they happen.
So now it's time to move on to step four. which is to show generosity.
And here I'm talking about the kind of generosity that says you genuinely want the people around you, your team, to succeed and you want others to be recognized for the work that they do.
When you recognize specific efforts, people trust that you value their contributions and you're not just going to take credit for yourself.
And when it comes to recognizing others, giving specific recognition is always more powerful than just general praise.
So instead of saying, great job team, you name exactly what someone did and why it mattered.
Now I actually have a full lesson on how to compliment colleagues at work.
But I do want to give you three phrases right now that can help with this.
The first one is, this wouldn't have been possible without.
For example, this wouldn't have been possible without Maria's work on the initial marketing strategy.
The second phrase starts with someone's name, and then you add on something like gave us the idea we needed, and it completely changed everything about our approach too.
And then the third one is simply starting with thank you, naming the person for what they did and why it mattered.
So thank you Maria for stepping in and working extra hours when we needed to meet that deadline.
Now again.
If you want to learn more on this topic, I've got a full lesson for you on how to give compliments at work in English without sounding awkward or insincere.
So I'll leave a link to that in the show notes below.
It's a great one to watch once you're finished here.
Okay, moving on to step number five.
We're going to talk about one that I've definitely struggled with.
This is all about knowing when to say yes and when to be honest about what we can't do.
In other words, over promising and under delivering.
These are two of the fastest ways to erode trust.
Now, one thing I've learned or I'm still in the process of learning is that people don't expect you to be perfect.
They don't expect you to say yes to everything, but they do expect you to be honest about what you can actually do.
Setting realistic expectations and then actually meeting them is far more valuable than making promises that you can't keep.
So when you're working to communicate, clear, honest expectations.
I want to share three helpful phrases with you.
The first one is right now I can commit to, and then you name precisely what you're able to accomplish and the date and time by which you'll finish it.
And now the second one is, I can't promise that, but here's what I can do.
This particular phrase shows respect both for the other person's needs and your own capacity.
You're not saying no directly.
You're just offering an alternative.
And then the third phrase that you can use for this is, I'm not really sure at this time.
Let me check and I'll get back to you by.
And then you name the specific day when you'll share your final answer, your yes or your no.
Because I think this one can be a little tricky.
Let's take a look at how it would work in a real situation.
And this time I want you to imagine a colleague asks if you can help them prepare for an upcoming presentation, but you're already super overwhelmed with deadlines.
Of course, you could say yes and try to stay up all night and maybe not get everything finished, which just leads to stress and guilt.
So in that case, you could say, sure, no problem.
I'll take a look tonight.
And then you're left feeling super stressed and regretting that you agreed to this.
So here's a better response.
I really want to help, but I can't give this the attention it needs tonight with my current workload.
But here's what I can do.
I can spend 30 minutes on a call with you right now and talk through a few of the key points, or I can review your slides tomorrow morning.
What feels most helpful to you right now?
With this response, you've been honest about your limits and you've offered two very helpful options.
Again, this is what builds trust.
And there's one more thing I want to share here.
Admitting your limits and setting boundaries isn't rude.
It's professional.
And that brings me to our final step.
Step number six.
This is all about making sure that your actions match your words.
Because people don't just listen to you.
They watch what you do.
For example, if you talk a lot about work-life balance but then people notice that you're sending emails at 3 o'clock in the morning.
Or if, for example, you talk a lot about transparency but you make a lot of decisions without anyone knowing how or why those decisions were made.
These differences between what was said and what was done can erode trust.
So if you're working to align your words and your actions with others on a team, there are a few phrases you can use to help you do this.
The first one is I'm going to, because this sentence starter helps you show your values and your priorities through your actions.
When people see the why behind what you do, it gives them permission to make similar choices with their own values.
And here's another one.
Since this is what we agreed on, i will stick to it too.
And then a third one i value And I encourage you all to do the same this week.
This kind of language shows the boundaries that you want to demonstrate through your values.
And then of course, the next step is following through with your actions.
And here's what that might look like.
Let's say that your team has been working super long hours to meet a tough deadline and everyone is starting to show signs of burnout.
So here's what you could do to support your team with both your words and your actions.
You could start with something like this.
I know we're all feeling pressure right now, but it's also important to protect your evenings and your weekends.
So, with that in mind, I'm leaving work today at 6pm, because I know having some time to rest tonight will allow me to do my best work tomorrow.
I encourage you to do the same.
All of us will be more effective if we're not running on empty now.
If something comes up and it truly is an emergency, please feel free to give me a call.
Otherwise i'll plan to respond tomorrow morning.
And then, once you shared those words, the next step is actually following through with them.
When you do that, when you align your words and your action, that builds trust.
Okay, we've just walked through six important cultural steps to build trust in english-speaking environments.
But this isn't some magic formula that creates instant trust.
Inspiring others and gaining trust takes time and consistency.
And if you're feeling a little overwhelmed by everything we've shared today, it's okay to just start with one for now.
Maybe start by getting to know everyone on your team or take a moment to share credit, share recognition in an upcoming meeting.
If that's something that you want to start with, don't forget that I've got a full lesson on giving compliments at work in English.
As I said, it's a great follow-up. to this topic today.
But super quick before we finish, I have one question for you.
I'd love to know what was most helpful to you in this lesson.
Did you learn something new or do you have a new phrase that you can use at work?
If so, I'd love to hear about it and you can share with me in the comments below.
As always, if you found this lesson helpful, Don't forget to subscribe or follow.
Wherever you're listening or watching from today.
Thank you so much for joining me and I look forward to next time.
