Welcome to the listening time podcast.
Hey everybody, this is connor and you're listening to episode 176 of the listening time podcast.
Thank you all for listening.
I think that today's episode will be a really interesting one.
It'll be maybe a little personal, because I'm going to talk about intercultural marriage.
What does this mean?
Well, a marriage with two people who are from different cultures.
In other words, from different countries, or possibly two people from the same country, but different really really big country, and maybe they come from different parts of the country that have really different cultures.
But for most people this will mean people that get married and they're from different countries with very different cultures.
Right, and intercultural marriage.
So I say that this is a little bit personal because I am in an intercultural marriage and so I'll talk a little bit from experience here.
But of course, I'll just talk in general as well.
So I'll talk about the good and the bad. the positives and negatives when it comes to this.
I'll give some examples from my own intercultural marriage and just talk in general about this topic.
I'm sure you'll find this interesting and Some of you might be in an intercultural marriage.
So some of you might be able to identify with some of these things that I say here.
So I'm sure this will be an interesting topic.
And, like I mentioned in the last episode, if you want my help to improve your pronunciation, then make sure to join my membership and become a Listening Time super member, family member or VIP so you can get my pronunciation training.
And in these different seminars and training videos that I have related to pronunciation, you learn all about the different sound patterns in English and you learn to identify the correct sounds and you see what sounds you're making that aren't native sounding, and I help you fix those issues.
So if you're interested in all of that, make sure to go down below and click on the link to check out my membership.
And, of course, my advanced episodes are available for Listening Time, family members and Listening Time VIPs as well.
And you have the link down below for my U.S.
Conversations podcast and, If you want to practice, with my conversations with other people from around the US.
It's a lot of fun and it's great practice.
So the link to sign up is also down below.
All right, let's get started.
Are your ears ready?
You know what time it is.
It's listening time.
Okay, let's talk about intercultural marriages.
Like I mentioned, we're going to talk about the positives and negatives.
I want to start with the negatives.
I think it's always good to end on a good note.
We use the phrase end on a good note to mean that you end with the positive.
You end on a positive thing, a positive topic or whatever.
So I want to end on a good note.
So let's start with the negatives and then we'll talk about the positives.
Intercultural marriages have things that are great about them and things that are a lot harder than normal marriages.
Things that normal marriages don't really have.
They don't have these issues, right?
So what are some of these negatives?
The first and most obvious one.
This isn't for 100 of intercultural marriages, but for many of them it is, and that is the language barrier.
So if you speak a different native language than your husband or wife speaks, then of course there's going to be this language barrier if you don't speak each other's language natively, right?
Or if you're not super, super good in their language.
This might happen more at the beginning of the relationship and then maybe the two people get better at the other person's language, or maybe just one of the two people really learns their husband or their wife's language, and then this becomes less of a barrier.
But I think there's still a barrier because you speak different, different native languages.
So I remember when I was first dating, my wife and I was learning Spanish with her, because when I met her I didn't speak Spanish, I just spoke a little bit.
And so you can imagine, when we were dating and during the first few months or so I had to try to get to know her And have her get to know me.
All the while I was speaking Spanish.
This language that I wasn't too familiar with.
So you can imagine the difficulty of doing that and how that complicated things, especially during the times when there were arguments.
I think we can all agree that every relationship has arguments.
People argue, right?
And it's not easy to resolve these conflicts in a lot of cases.
And so imagine now having to resolve those conflicts, those arguments in a foreign language.
It's not easy.
It's definitely not fun when you're still learning the language.
It can be frustrating and it can make it harder to just understand each other.
So, of course, that's a negative.
Another negative is that oftentimes when you get married to someone who is from a different country or There are legal processes that are very frustrating and annoying when it comes to immigration and getting married and bringing your spouse to your country to live legally.
That can be a big issue.
And especially if you're from a country like the US that has a very big strict, complicated immigration system, this is not an easy process to go through.
So that one is just one that doesn't really have any positives to it.
It's just a completely negative one thing that you have to deal with sometimes when it comes to intercultural marriages.
So I've been through that.
I can talk from experience here.
It's not easy to go through those processes.
And so I don't think that anyone likes that aspect of marrying someone from another country.
Another negative might be that you and your spouse might have completely different worldviews.
You might have a different background and a different perspective.
When it comes to many aspects of life maybe things like goals and happiness even you might come from very different backgrounds and therefore you might have very different when it comes to things.
That can definitely be a positive as well.
You can teach each other and learn from each other, but it can also complicate things, for sure, because you are looking at things and you are approaching things from very different perspectives and And sometimes you don't see eye to eye.
We use that phrase see eye to eye to talk about two people kind of agreeing with each other and understanding each other's point of view and agreeing.
We say seeing things eye to eye.
So you might not see eye to eye on certain things, And that might complicate the relationship.
So that's something to consider.
Another negative could be that you probably have different habits, different customs from your spouse if they're from another country and things like your schedule your daily schedule might be vastly different.
When something is vastly different, that means it is very different.
So one of the hardest things for people to adjust to.
I know this because I've dealt with this myself and I've talked to many people who have had to deal with this.
One of the hardest things to adjust to When you're in another country or you have to deal with this difference in schedules, is the timing of your meals.
When you eat breakfast lunch, dinner or whatever meal.
This is really hard for people to adjust to.
It might not seem like a big issue but, trust me, I've talked to many people and I think we can all agree that this is something that's hard to change.
If you grew up your whole life with a more Latin American meal schedule.
I'm not saying all Latin American countries have this schedule, but it's more of a thing in Latin America to have a bigger lunch and that's your biggest meal of the day and it's kind of in the mid-afternoon.
It's not early.
Maybe it's at 2 or 3 or 330 or whatever.
If that is what you did your whole life, it's probably not going to be easy to come to the US and switch your schedule entirely and have your lunch at 1230 or whatever and then have your biggest meal be dinner, and then eat that at like 530 or 6 or something.
And That's a very different schedule and it's hard to get used to.
So these different habits can be hard when it comes to marriages, because you have to decide whose habit is going to reign supreme.
This means that that habit dominates, right?
Whose habit reigns supreme?
Who is going to adjust to the other person's habit or schedule or whatever?
And this isn't just for meals.
It's for a lot of things.
Money habits, right?
How you spend or save or invest your money.
This can be very different depending on the country that you're from.
So that's something that you have to work out with your spouse how you're going to reconcile these differences in these different habits.
Another negative might be in-laws.
So it might be very hard to connect with your in-laws and see eye to eye with your in-laws if they come from a very different culture.
They might not agree with how you are living your life with their daughter or their son, because Their daughter or son has adapted to your culture and now that might cause some issues with them, their family.
So you can imagine that that might cause some issues, right?
Yeah.
So that can be a negative.
And then even if you like your spouse's culture, their customs, maybe you can adapt easily to them.
Your own friends and your own family might not like their culture or their customs.
So it might be harder for your family and your friends to maybe connect and get used to your spouse.
So those are some of the negatives I was able to think of.
I'm not saying that all of those things are terrible and that they always cause problems.
But I'm just trying to be honest and say that there are some things that are harder when it comes to intercultural marriages.
But now let me talk about the positives, because there are a lot of positives when it comes to intercultural marriages.
I'm definitely someone who can talk a lot about this, and I've been blessed by all of these positive things as well.
For me, the positives greatly outweigh the negatives.
When something outweighs something else, this means that it is bigger or more significant than the other thing.
So for me, the positives greatly outweigh the negatives.
So I'm definitely not complaining, and I focus on the positives.
So one of the biggest positives about marrying someone from another country is that it opens up your world.
When I compare myself to other people here in the US, other Americans that I know, I usually have a much broader perspective than they do.
I'm able to see things differently than them.
I've had a lot of experience in places that are very different from the US, So that really helps broaden my perspective.
It really helps me see things from different angles.
Whereas people here in the US that have never left the country, for example, they probably don't see things in that way.
So that's a good thing for me.
I like the fact that my perspective has changed and I can see things differently now.
For me, that's a positive, right?
That's something that has benefited me and benefited my life in general.
I guess related to that.
Another thing that has broadened my perspective is that I have traveled more.
And that is often the case when you're in an intercultural marriage.
You get the chance to travel because you go to the other person's country.
Not always, but in many cases, you travel to your spouse's country.
Uh, to spend time with their family, uh, and to just, uh, be in their hometown or whatever.
And so that's great.
I think most of us, if not all of us like traveling.
So it's cool to have that opportunity. to travel more, you have an excuse to travel, right?
I have an excuse to go to Mexico because my wife's from there and we need to visit her family, or she needs to go back and be in Mexico for a little bit.
So it's a good excuse for me to go and travel to Mexico.
So I really like that.
That's a huge benefit, of course.
Learning a new language is another positive.
I know I mentioned the language barrier as a negative thing.
However, it's also a positive because you get to experience a new language.
You learn this new language, hopefully.
Of course, not everyone does this when they marry someone from another country.
But you can do this.
This is a choice that you have.
You have a great reason and probably a really good motivation to do this.
And if you do it, it changes your life.
If you learn a language, especially the language of your spouse, this changes your life.
It really does.
It changes broadens your perspective.
I'm still using that same phrase it broadens your perspective.
It helps your brain, of course.
It helps you communicate in different ways.
It helps you when you travel, if you travel to that country, and it just adds a lot to your life when you can learn the language of your spouse and you can communicate with them in multiple languages.
I think that's great.
I think it's cool.
I communicate to my wife in Spanish and in English, and it's something that I'm very thankful that I have.
I'm thankful that my wife was very patient with me while I was learning Spanish and she really helped me, and now I'm reaping the benefits of that at this point.
When you reap the benefits of something, we're saying that you are collecting or receiving the benefits of something.
So that's another positive.
Another one that I was able to think of is that you're able to learn to communicate better with people who are different from you.
This is something that can be hard for people, especially if...
They don't have a lot of experience with people from other cultures.
If you're married to someone from another country.
This really teaches you to communicate well with people who are different.
Because if you're married to someone from another country, another culture, of course they're different.
So this is a great skill that you learn.
And I feel like this really helped me as a teacher.
And I think it helps me now, even just making this podcast.
It helps me think and maybe see things from the perspective of the people who listen to me from different countries, and I feel like I can communicate more effectively to people from different countries because of my experience with my wife.
So that's a huge benefit for me considering what I do for a living.
I make this content for people who are from all over the world who are very different from me.
So that's a great thing that I was able to gain from my intercultural marriage.
Another positive is that you learn a lot from the other person and their culture.
You can learn lessons that are harder to learn about in your culture, maybe because maybe in the other person's culture they think differently this thing, and when you're exposed to their way of thinking, this can help you maybe get better in some areas of your own life or your own way of thinking, and for me, I think about the topic of stress and being content.
These are things that I can definitely value in my wife and in a lot of people in her culture.
They might have a different relationship to stress and contentment and all of that.
And I'm able to learn more about how to get better in these areas based on my wife and her background, her culture.
And speaking of contentment, I'm actually going to talk about this in the next episode.
So make sure you don't miss that.
These are things that I've learned about from my wife, like I said, and she's helped me Be a better person in different areas.
So that's something that can definitely happen in the context of an intercultural marriage.
And one last positive I wanted to mention is that it's really exciting and interesting to have this type of marriage.
It's very interesting.
Of course, not everything is easy, but it's exciting.
It really is exciting and interesting to have this type of relationship.
It's not for everyone, of course, but for people that have had a successful intercultural marriage, they know what I'm talking about.
That it just makes life pretty interesting when you're with someone who is from a different culture, different background, but you're still able to come together and be a great team and have a great marriage.
I love it.
So for me, this is a big positive.
So those are some of the negatives and positives.
I think I want to end by saying that this type of marriage probably isn't recommended for most people because, of course, it presents a lot of challenges and difficulties that most people probably don't want to face when it comes to marriage.
But for some people who are willing to overcome the challenges of an intercultural marriage, if they're able to find someone who matches with them well, even though they're from a different background, maybe a different country even this can be a really great thing.
But like I said, for most people, this probably isn't going to be their first choice.
They probably aren't going to want to look for a spouse somewhere else in the world.
It probably makes more sense to get married to someone from their own culture, their own country, right?
So i'm not uh, trying to convince all of you to go and marry someone from another country.
Like i said, it's probably not recommended for most people.
I think that most people would probably benefit from having A less complicated marriage.
Less complicated in terms of culture and country and legal processes and language differences and things like that, of course.
But I hope this episode was interesting for you.
And I hope that it was good practice for your listening.
And I want to remind you that if you want my pronunciation training, then make sure to join my membership and become a Listening Time super member or any of the higher tiers, and you'll get that practice.
I'll help you improve your pronunciation and see what the differences are between your pronunciation and a native speaker's pronunciation.
And my advanced episodes are also available for Listening Time family members.
So the link to my membership is down below and the link to my US Conversations podcast is down below as well.
I highly recommend that you use that to start listening to two people talking, two people having a conversation.
Eventually, you'll want to be able to understand people in that context when you're in groups of people and other people are talking.
So that US Conversations podcast is a great way to practice listening in that context.
All right.
Thank you for listening to this episode, and I'll talk to you on the next episode of Listening Time.
