Welcome to the Listening Time podcast.
Hey English learners.
This is Connor and you're listening to episode 228 of the Listening Time podcast.
I hope you're ready to practice your English listening comprehension with another episode.
I hope that you have enjoyed all of the episodes that you've listened to so far and that you feel like your listening comprehension is improving.
And in today's episode we're going to talk about getting.
This is an important topic, in my opinion, because anger is something that is a normal part of people's lives.
People get angry, but of course there can be some negatives that come from anger if we don't manage it correctly.
Hopefully you enjoy this episode and that it's good practice for your listening.
And for many of you it's probably time to move on to my advanced podcast episodes, in which I speak at normal speed, not slowly like in these normal episodes.
So make sure to sign up for those.
That link is down below.
And also check out my US Conversations podcast, in which I talk to different English teachers from all around the US about different topics.
It's a lot of fun.
We talk at normal speed and I provide the transcript for you, so it's great practice for your listening.
And this is a good way to get to know some different online English teachers who you can take classes with.
I've had different listeners tell me that they've taken classes with some of these different teachers.
This is a great way to choose a teacher, because you can use hear about them first and hear how they talk and get to know their personality so that you can choose a teacher who is right for you.
So if you're ready to start practicing your speaking, sign up for my US Conversations podcast and check out those different teachers and take a class with some of them.
All right, let's talk about getting angry.
So the idea for this topic came from a sermon that I heard maybe a month ago, I think.
My pastor preached a sermon at my church about anger, anger and specifically having a short fuse.
When someone has a short fuse, we're saying that they get angry very easily, they explode very easily.
So if someone has a short fuse then they're probably constantly getting angry and blowing up at people, exploding and yelling.
So the sermon that I heard preached was about this topic, and I wanted to talk about this today because if we're not careful, anger can ruin our lives.
So it's important to be able to manage and control our anger and control not get angry so easily.
The emotion of anger is not a problem in and of itself.
Meaning itself.
The anger itself is not a problem because there are times when it is right to be angry.
I know some people might say that you should never be angry.
I don't agree with that idea, because there are certain things that provoke anger and you should feel angry when you see this thing happening, when you see that thing being done.
There are some things that we should get angry about.
However, what I want to talk about today is not getting angry too easily or for the wrong reasons.
There are some things that we shouldn't automatically get angry about.
And another thing is to not...
Constantly be angry, not constantly be characterized as an angry person.
So let's talk about some of these things, and let's talk specifically about the negatives of being angry easily angered or being constantly angry.
So one thing that happens when you get angry very easily or you're constantly angry is you do things and say things that you later regret.
This could be in the context of your marriage.
It could be with your family.
It could be with your friends, your co-workers.
It could be in many different situations.
So when you get angry, you might say things or do things differently that you shouldn't and that you later regret.
In the moment, you think it's right to react that way because you're angry.
You think it's right to say that thing because you're angry or do that thing because you're mad.
But later, When you're calm, once you've calmed down, you think, oh no, why did I say that?
Why did I do that?
I'm sure you've had that experience before.
And even after you realize that and maybe you apologize for having said that bad thing or having done something, even if you recognize that, that you were wrong to do that and you apologized to the other person, that other person might not forget what you said or what you did.
Even if they forgive you, that thing might stay with them.
So just because you were mad and you said something that you shouldn't have, and then you apologized.
That all happened and for you, it's over.
You recognize you were wrong, but that thing might stay in the other person's mind.
They might never forget that mean thing that you said to them when you were angry.
And that can even ruin a relationship.
You might do something so bad when you're angry, or say something so mean that the other person just can't get over it and it ruins the relationship.
And so there can be very serious consequences of getting really angry and doing something when you're angry.
So that's something we all need to be careful with.
And another thing is that you might provoke the wrong person.
When you are angry and you act on your anger and do things when you're angry, you show that you're angry at another person.
You might provoke the wrong person.
I'm talking about getting angry at a stranger, perhaps.
I've seen videos of people who get really mad at someone and And they start yelling and screaming at the person.
And then the other person ends up attacking them and injuring them or, doing something even worse, taking their life.
When we say you take someone's life, it's a nice way of saying that you kill them.
So that sounds crazy, but people can react that way.
Hopefully not many people, but it's possible that when you're angry and you blow up at someone, meaning you start yelling and screaming at them.
You don't know who that person is and maybe they have some serious mental issues, and when you do that, they end up attacking you.
One thing that comes to mind is when people get road rage.
This refers to when people get really mad when they're driving because of something that another driver does.
So many people get mad on the road.
Even if they don't have road rage, they still get annoyed and angry.
And I've seen people that are... in the middle of a fit of road rage.
A fit of something refers to like an episode, an experience of some emotion or something.
So I've seen this firsthand.
Meaning I've seen it myself when people get really angry on the road and they start driving really crazy and following the other car and almost trying to cause the other car to crash.
They do crazy. crazy things sometimes.
For some reason, people get really mad on the road.
So if you get angry when you're driving and you do something to another person and you don't realize that that other person is prone to road rage, meaning they are vulnerable to becoming really mad they are likely, they are predisposed to become really mad on the road.
If you don't know that, you can provoke the wrong person and you might pay the price.
They might start doing crazy things on the road.
They might follow you.
I remember one time being with my mom in the car and she just made a little mistake.
She wasn't trying to do something mean to someone else on the road, she just made a simple mistake and And another driver got really mad and started following us and tried to follow us all the way home.
It was scary.
People are absolutely crazy on the road sometimes.
So you don't want to get angry and provoke the wrong person because you might pay the price.
Another thing that might happen is you might make people feel uncomfortable around you.
If you're constantly angry or you're easily angered, people might need to walk on eggshells around you.
We use this phrase to mean that people have to be really careful with what they say when they're around you, because they don't want you to get mad.
We don't want people to have to walk on eggshells around us.
That's not cool.
And people don't like to do that.
People don't like walking on eggshells around other people.
They want to feel comfortable to say what they want to say.
And so, because they want to feel comfortable, they might keep their distance from you if you're someone who's always angry.
They might not want to be around you.
People might distance themselves from you and not spend as much time with you.
They might avoid you.
I've had people in my life whom I've had to...
Keep some distance from because they have a short fuse They get angry really easily.
So I have to walk on eggshells around them.
I have to Spend less time with them because I don't want them to blow up and get angry, so That's not a great thing.
We don't want people to have to worry about everything that they say when you're with them.
That's not something that we want.
And another big negative of getting mad easily is that life isn't fun when you're constantly angry.
You waste your time.
You waste time that could be spent in a positive way, with positive things, having positive experiences.
You waste that time just being angry.
And what does this constant anger accomplish?
Not much.
It just makes you angry.
It makes you less healthy.
It makes you have less fun and you don't have a good time with other people.
There isn't really anything positive that comes from it constantly getting angry and having a short fuse.
Again, there are situations when it's normal to get angry, but I'm talking about being constantly angry, having a short fuse, being characterized as someone who is an angry person.
That's what I'm referring to.
If you are that type of person, life isn't going to be much fun.
You're going to have a ton of negative experiences.
I know that when I get angry foolishly, Meaning it wasn't a good reason.
I'm just angry for a reason that I shouldn't be angry.
It just makes my whole day worse.
It ruins my day.
I don't enjoy myself.
And so I don't want to spend all my time like that.
So that's a big negative.
Now let's talk about some ways that you can prevent anger from ruining your life, ruining your relationships.
So the first thing that comes to mind for me is is to be quick to apologize.
When we get angry, when we're interacting with other people, our family members, especially our spouse, your husband, your wife.
Of course, you're going to get angry from time to time.
It's not just one person who's 100% at fault for everything.
If you acknowledge your fault in it and you apologize, it usually leads to the other person apologizing.
And then you can make up.
As we say, when you make up, this means that you reconcile.
You stop being angry at each other.
You make up and you stop being angry.
This is a quick way to resolve your anger because the other person did something that made you mad.
If you apologize... usually it makes them think about what they did wrong and they will apologize.
And that will make you calm down and not be angry hopefully, because the other person acknowledges what they did wrong and and they apologize, and then no one needs to be angry and you can make up.
This is especially good in marriage, right?
So it's good to do that, Even if you feel like they're the one that needs to apologize first, just be the first person to apologize.
Be quick to ask for forgiveness and then apologize.
It's very likely that they will do the same, and then you can talk calmly, resolve the issue and not be angry.
And you won't say things that you later regret.
You won't say things that harm or damage your relationship with the other person.
So being quick to apologize and recognizing your fault, this can help you because of what happens afterwards.
The other person apologizes, you make up, you're no longer angry.
So I think this is good advice.
Another thing that is good to practice, another piece of advice to take some time to cool down when you're fighting with someone, when you're arguing with someone again.
This is especially good for marriage, by the way.
When we say that you take time to cool down, it means to let your emotions and become less intense, to calm down, to stop being so emotional and angry.
You cool down.
So this is something that has helped me before many times, actually.
I'm someone who likes to resolve conflict right there now, in that moment.
I don't like to have unresolved conflict and anger, especially in my marriage, and so i usually try to solve the issue with my wife immediately when we're mad at each other.
But this is not always possible, because sometimes I'm angry and my wife is angry, and we're not really able to think clearly and communicate well.
And so when we take some time to cool down, it helps us calm down and be ready to talk to each other in a mature way again.
So I've found that for me, the best thing is to take a walk.
When I take a walk outside, my anger diminishes, meaning it goes down.
I feel like I can think clearly.
And when I come back from my walk, I'm ready to resolve the issue that I have.
So I think that if you take some time to cool down when you're angry, this can really prevent some bigger problems from occurring.
It will help you not do things that you do just because you're angry and you want to show your anger.
Let yourself calm down, help yourself cool down and then you won't do things that you regret and you'll be able to resolve things.
Another piece of advice is don't look for fights.
Some people are just constantly looking for a fight, and that's not good.
We need to remember that, like i mentioned before, that we don't know what other people are capable of doing, especially strangers.
They can do some pretty crazy things.
So don't look for fights, don't try to provoke people and this can be hard for some people, But it's actually good to know how and when to walk away from a potential fight.
Sometimes you just have to walk away because the situation is getting too tough out of hand meaning uncontrollable, and you don't want something bad to happen.
You don't want to get in a physical fight with the other person, so you have to walk away.
Even if the other person is yelling at you and making fun of you for walking away, who cares?
It's not worth it, right?
Just know how to walk away, when to walk away, and don't go looking for fights.
Don't go around provoking people, And one other piece of advice is to be humble.
Realize that you're not perfect.
You're not the person that always does things right and the other person always does things wrong.
If we can realize and accept that we're imperfect, we do things we shouldn't, if we are humble like that, then hopefully we will not hold other people to a really high standard and get angry when they're not doing things exactly the way we want them to do things, or whatever.
And when you're humble, you won't like.
You always need to be right.
You always need to be correct in every situation.
Sometimes we need to accept that we are wrong.
Okay, we are are the person that needs to apologize because we did something wrong, okay.
And talking about, in the context of a marriage, a relationship.
It's important to remember that you are a team.
The husband and wife are a team, so we should work together as a team, not against each other.
Nobody wins if we are against each other.
We both lose because our marriage is worse if we are against each other.
We should view ourselves as a team and we want to resolve this as a team and not be against each other, and one person wins and the other person loses.
If that's the mindset, then that marriage is going to have a lot of problems, because you will constantly be battling each other.
I always try to have the mindset that my wife and I are on a team.
And so I don't want to just get angry and get mad at her and win the fight against her.
No, I want us to win together.
OK.
So I think that if you have that mindset, you will not allow your anger to ruin your relationship.
Okay, I talked a lot about anger.
Hopefully, this was interesting for you.
Hopefully, it gave you something to think about.
And I'm sure that it was good practice for your listening.
And for many of you, you need to start listening to my advanced podcast episodes so your ears can become accustomed to real English, spoken at normal speed.
Of course, I provide the transcript for all of those episodes.
So check those out.
The link to sign up is down below.
And use my US Conversations podcast to practice your listening with my authentic conversations that I have with other English teachers.
And use that to find a teacher to start practicing your speaking with.
I know that many of you need to start speaking, but you're nervous.
You don't know who to talk to.
This is the perfect resource for you.
You can get to know different teachers and see who you like and take a class with them.
So that link is also down below.
All right.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode.
And I'll talk to you on the next episode of Listening Time.