Welcome to the Listening Time podcast.
Hey everybody, this is Connor and you're listening to episode 160 of the Listening Time podcast.
I hope you're all doing great today, and The topic of today's episode is not the happiest topic, but it's still an interesting one, I think, because it's one that really shows a lot about cultures around the world, and that is funerals.
So as you know from my last episode, my mom recently passed away.
And we are currently in the middle of getting everything ready for her memorial service.
A memorial service is basically a funeral.
The only technical difference is that a funeral is a service that also includes the body of the person who passed away.
And at a memorial service, you don't see that.
So it's basically the same thing, but that's the one difference.
So we're in the middle of planning my mom's memorial service and I thought it would be a really educational topic to talk about, because I think we can learn a lot about different cultures around the world.
When we examine how they do weddings and how they do funerals, I think that this really reveals a lot about what type of culture that country has.
So I'm going to talk a little bit about this in general, but I'm talking about it kind of in relation to our planning right now, because we're currently planning for all of this.
And so there are some things that we will have that other funerals don't have that, And there are some things that you might see at other funerals that we won't have at my mom's memorial service.
So I'll talk about this in general, but I'll focus more on the things that we're going to include in my mom's memorial service.
So i'm sure this will be educational for you.
And, as always, remember that if you feel ready to practice with my advanced episodes in which i speak fast, then you can sign up to become a listening time family member and you'll receive two new advanced podcast episodes every month.
The link to sign up is down below in the description, And if you feel ready to practice with my conversations that I have with other English speakers from around the country, you can also sign up for that.
The link is also down below.
That's my US Conversations podcast.
And the transcript for this podcast episode is also in the description below.
All right, let's get started.
Are your ears ready?
You know what time it is.
It's listening time!
Okay, let's talk a little bit about funerals.
I'll use the word funeral and memorial service interchangeably, because they're basically the same thing, okay.
So one of the most important things when it comes to a funeral is the venue.
A venue is a place where an event happens.
So there might be a different venue for the service and the reception, or these two things might be at the same venue.
The word reception is a really important word that I want you to try to learn in this episode.
My wife was just asking me about this word yesterday and I was explaining it to her.
A reception is kind of the party, but it's not a party in this case because it's a funeral, right?
But it's that second part of some event, either a wedding or a funeral, usually where the ceremony is already over and everyone can go somewhere else to talk and eat and spend time together.
So at a wedding, the reception is the part after the ceremony where everyone is talking and dancing and eating.
That's the reception.
And at a funeral, of course, we do different things at the reception, but the idea is the same.
It's what happens after the service, the ceremony.
So sometimes the service and the reception are at different places and people have to drive to where the reception is.
In our case, we're having the reception at the same place where the memorial service is.
So that's really convenient because people don't need to drive anywhere, right?
And usually funerals take place at churches.
That's what's most common here, especially if the family is religious, if they're Christian.
And so you have the service in a church usually.
And people are sitting in the pews.
Pews are long benches where people can sit.
You've probably seen these before if you go into churches that were built before.
In the past.
If they're old, or even churches that aren't so old, a lot of them still use pews instead of individual chairs.
So oftentimes the people who are attending the funeral are sitting in these pews.
And then, of course, The person who is talking is in the front addressing the people who are sitting in the pews.
When you address someone, we're saying that you are talking to them.
You are talking with the expectation that they are listening to you, right?
So if I address you, I'm talking to you, okay?
So that's usually where these funerals take place.
And let me mention some of the elements that you'll see at a funeral in the U.S.
Oftentimes there will be a guest book.
So this is a little book at the entrance of the church where people can write their name and Maybe their information, contact information, and they can write a little message to the person who passed away or to their family.
So there might be a guest book at the entrance, and people often receive a program when they enter the.
A program at a funeral is like this little paper.
It's like a pamphlet, we might call it.
It folds, and so it might fold in two parts or three parts or whatever, but it's something that contains the person's picture.
It probably has a little story of their life inside and It contains the order of events that will take place during the service.
Like it will say okay, opening message, then speech, then this, then that.
It often says what's going to happen and who's going to speak during the service.
And you'll probably see pictures of the person.
You might see pictures in different places or maybe just one big picture of them.
You'll probably see flowers.
That's a big one.
And the type of flower will depend on the family's preferences, or maybe that person had a favorite flower.
I think that my mom really liked sunflowers and that's something that my dad really likes.
And so we're going to have some sunflowers there, which is nice, right?
Because sunflowers are bright and happy flowers.
And they kind of help you feel like you're celebrating and not just feeling sad.
Right.
So I like that choice.
But at other funerals you'll see different types of flowers depending on where you're having the funeral, depending on the church or the venue.
There might be a big screen where you can project things onto digitally.
So in our case we have like a big TV that people will be able to see and will use that during the service as well.
You might see easels with pictures on them.
An easel is like a stand where you can put either a painting or a picture.
Artists use these to put their canvas where they're painting.
A canvas is that thing that an artist paints on or draws on right.
So the thing that holds these up is an easel.
And so we'll probably have a couple easels with big pictures of my mother on them.
Oftentimes there's music, So we'll have kind of soft low music playing in the background before the service starts and at the reception too.
And in our case, we also have someone who's going to play the piano.
And so that will be very nice to have someone playing live there at the service.
When someone does something live, this means that the person is doing it there in the moment, right?
So in this case, we're not using a recording of someone playing the piano.
There's the actual pianist who's playing, right?
And of course, there's an officiant.
This is the person who conducts and structures the service.
In our case, it's my mom's older brother who's going to do this.
So the officiant will make sure that everything is running well.
They are the ones that are structuring the service.
They'll usually give a short sermon.
A sermon is a religious message, right?
They'll pray and just make sure that all the elements are there that need to be there.
And sometimes there is A scripture reading like someone will read a Bible verse or a couple Bible verses, and this can be the officiant or other people.
In our case, a couple other people will read some verses and usually they try to make those verses somewhat related to the person who passed away or just related to death and heaven and all of that right.
And another really big element when it comes to funerals and memorial services is the different eulogies that people give.
A eulogy is a speech about a person who has died.
And this speech is meant to honor them, tell stories about them, praise them, talk about the good things about that person, right?
So there will be a few people giving eulogies at my mom's service, and the number of speeches that people give at a funeral really depends.
It could be just two, it could be three, it could be five.
It really depends.
In our case, we'll have three.
And I'm currently writing a speech right now for my mom and I'm almost done, but it's really hard.
It is not easy to write a eulogy like this.
So it's something that is very challenging, but it does help you kind of remember things about the person, and it's a nice thing for everyone, because the people that hear these speeches get to learn more about the person who died, who is probably someone they loved.
They like to hear stories about them and hear about their wonderful traits and attributes.
So it's something that's good for everyone involved, I think.
And then sometimes there's a slideshow of the person.
So a slideshow is a collection of pictures that play one after the other and there's usually music in the background.
So we'll have a slideshow for my mom as well.
And then sometimes, after the service is over, people will line up to give their condolences to either the spouse of the person who passed away or the closest family members to the person who passed away.
And so...
That depends as well.
That doesn't always happen with a long line of people.
So that might happen.
And then after that, it's time for the reception, right?
People will leave the church at that point and go to wherever the reception is.
In our case, the reception is just outside the church building.
So people will walk over there And this is a time for people to talk to one another, to reminisce.
Remember that the word reminisce means that you remember things from the past with enjoyment.
So people reminisce about the person who died and they talk about their memories of the person and And a lot of times at funerals and at the reception afterwards, you reconnect with people that you haven't seen in a while, right?
Maybe you see cousins or old friends that you haven't seen in many years.
So that's kind of nice that you get to reconnect with people at funerals and at It's because you and the other person both loved the person who passed away right.
So you have that thing that connects you together right with these other people at the funeral and at the reception.
And so people will be talking and reminiscing.
And of course, there is food.
This is a hard part for the family because when you've just lost your loved one.
The last thing you want to think about is providing food for a bunch of people, right?
It's not a fun or easy part of this process.
So usually you don't need to provide an elaborate array of food.
An array refers to a wide selection of something.
So you don't need to have a gourmet meal prepared for everyone.
Usually just something simple.
And there need to be drinks, of course.
I think we'll have water, lemonade, iced tea, and coffee.
That's a big one.
At funerals, people expect to be served coffee, usually.
So all of that needs to be prepared in advance.
There is probably music at most receptions, maybe soft music playing in the background.
And I think that's something that we might do at the reception is allow people to give little informal speeches about my mom, sharing their memories of her.
So like I said, this is informal speech.
It's kind of like an open mic.
An open mic is an event where anyone who wants to can go up and say something about whatever.
So there will probably be an open mic and people can talk about their experiences, their memories of my mother.
So that'll be nice.
And this reception is meant to be a little bit lighter than the service.
The service is usually sad and emotional and it's not that easy to get through because it really is kind of a heavy, sad thing for a lot of people.
The reception is hopefully a little bit lighter.
Hopefully people can laugh a little more when they're talking about their memories of the person.
It's meant to be a little bit more cheerful, let's say.
Something that's cheerful is something that is happy and light in that way.
So that's kind of the point of the reception.
And, in our case, even after the reception is over, We still want to continue reminiscing about my mother.
So we will have some people, probably whoever wants to, they can go to my sister's house afterwards.
And especially people that have come from far away and that will be here all weekend.
It'll be nice for them to continue socializing and reminiscing and all of this.
So we are going to have people come back to my sister's house, most likely.
And that means we'll also need to provide food there, of course.
And what we'll do there is we'll probably just continue reminiscing, telling stories.
We also asked people to send a video of themselves talking about their memories of my mom or their greatest memory of her.
And We'll probably watch some of those videos together at my sister's house afterwards.
So it's just kind of like a continued time to remember the person, honor them, tell funny stories about them and just comfort one another as well.
That's not something that always happens.
The funeral and the reception those are the standard things that normally take place.
However, some people don't want to stop there.
They want to continue even when the reception is over.
So that's the idea with going back to my sister's house.
Uh, we don't want it to end at the reception.
We want to spend more time with family and friends, uh, and, uh, remembering my mom like that.
So that's not something that you'll always see, but it might happen.
Right.
So um, those are the elements that I was able to think of um when it comes to memorial services funerals, receptions and all of that, but of course, there are some elements that we won't include, that you'll see at other people's funerals.
So this isn't an exhaustive list of all of the things that you'll see at a funeral, But hopefully you learned a little bit about our culture here and what it's like to go to someone's funeral.
This is something that really says a lot about the culture.
Right.
Because in your country you probably do things differently at funerals and when people pass away, so i think it's interesting to learn about the different customs and traditions in different countries.
So i hope you enjoyed this episode and, of course, remember that if you feel ready to practice with my advanced episodes, then make sure to become a Listening Time family member.
The link is down below.
That's patreon.com slash listeningtime.
And make sure to sign up for my US Conversations podcast to practice with my conversations with other English speakers.
It's a lot of fun.
It's really educational.
And you get to learn a lot about the US and the different cities and states where these people are from.
And of course, I provide the transcript for you with definitions of key words and phrases.
So that link is also down below.
That's patreon.com slash us conversations.
And if you need the transcript for this episode, you have that for free down below as well.
All right.
Thank you for listening to this episode, and I'll talk to you on the next episode of Listening Time.
