Let me set the scene for you. It's 2016 I'm 15 years old And for the first time, I'm realizing that life is challenging.
The boys I like don't like me back. I'm drowning in homework.
I don't really like my friend group.
I'm worried I won't pass my driver's test.
I'm realizing that life is full of challenges.
And for the first time, I'm really aware of it.
Simultaneously, I'm falling in love with Pinterest.
And I'm becoming obsessed with inspirational quotes.
I'm addicted to reading inspirational quotes.
And I'm addicted to pinning them to my Pinterest board. hopes of building this archive of wise words that I can lean on during these Trying times.
I'm having sort of a philosophical awakening. or I think I am.
I'm experiencing challenges And I'm seeking answers through wise words.
For the first time, I feel present. And being present is kind of painful.
Now imagine during this time, someone comes up to me and says, Hey, Emma, what's your favorite quote?
What's the quote that you live by? Now, you would think, because during this time I was going through... a philosophical awakening, that my answer would be, deeply profound and heavily thought out.
Well, My answer would have been, everything happens for a reason.
Why would that have been my answer? Because during that time, that quote answered all the questions that I needed answered.
My challenges at the time were painfully simple in retrospect.
In the quote, everything happens for a reason, applied to all of my challenges in the most perfect way, But at the time, I hadn't analyzed that quote very deeply.
I loved it on a surface level. And that was about it.
For a long time I thought I would get that tattooed on my body somewhere.
As a teenager, as an edgy teen, I was like, I'm going to get everything happens for a reason on my arm. so that I never forget that this is my favorite quote.
And I have changed my mind. I will not be getting that tattooed.
And I thank my lucky stars every day that I never got a Pinterest quote tattooed anywhere on my body because I'll tell you, Inspirational quotes. look really good on the surface, but when you start to analyze them, they usually have some holes.
So I'm glad I never committed to an inspirational quote. to the extent that I put it on my body.
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Everything Happens for a Reason is... Not a terrible quote because it does comfort many people in many different challenging scenarios.
It's not useless. There's a reason why it's a popular quote. growing older and I'm reanalyzing beliefs and quotes and mantras that I've lived with for many years.
I'm starting to discover the flaws. in these things.
And I think that that's a good thing. because the mantras that we repeat in our minds especially during challenging times, are not irrelevant because... what we tell ourselves kind of becomes true in a way.
And so I think it's important to evaluate the quotes and mantras and words that we repeat in our heads to make sure that they deserve to be repeated in our heads.
Today, I specifically want to touch on My favorite teenage quote, everything happens for a reason.
Because I had an epiphany somewhat recently that...
This quote is actually very flawed. That's not to say that it's not helpful sometimes, But everything happens for a reason is not this... magical statement that you can shove into any scenario and it fits.
And I sort of used to do that. Things would get tough and I'm like, everything happens for a reason.
And it would just soothe my mind enough Where I could just kind of move on with my day.
But more recently, I deeply analyzed it and realized...
Okay, it's not a perfect life mantra. It's just not.
And today I want to discuss why. Let's start with what the quote even means.
What does everything happens for a reason really mean?
Well, technically, it means everything that happens happened because something else happened.
Everything happens for a reason in its most technical form is cause and effect of rephrased but This is very obvious and it's not very helpful.
Like that's not an inspirational quote in itself.
That's just sort of the law of the universe. verse.
In order for something to happen, something else had to happen.
Right? That feels more scientific than it does philosophical, I would say.
As an inspirational quote, everything happens for a reason means...
Bad things happen for an impactful reason.
Bad things don't just happen and then we're left in the dust.
Bad shit happens to teach us a lesson, to make us stronger, to make us wiser. to allow our lives to fall into place, to shift our direction in life.
Everything happens for a reason implies that a positive will always come from a negative.
You know, I think this is how the quote is usually used and perceived.
Now let's dig into why this quote is flawed.
Everything happens for a reason only applies to some situations in life.
And this gets overlooked greatly. by those who heavily believe in this quote.
Because it's easy to apply it to any challenging situation.
Events in life that are catastrophic, life-threatening, traumatic, etc., do not always happen for a reason.
And in fact, They usually don't. Extreme challenges in life don't have a reason all the time.
When someone dies, when there's a natural disaster, when someone is abused, You just can't say everything happens for a reason to that.
You can't. Because in those types of scenarios, it's not true. saying everything happens for a reason to yourself or to someone when there was a traumatic event, takes away the right to feel the unfairness of life.
Life is very cruel. Life is very unfair.
Things happen that are terrible. and catastrophic and awful.
For no reason. That's just how this shit works.
And to say everything happens for a reason to something like that, is ignoring that truth.
It's so important that we're honest with ourselves.
And it's undeniably true that... catastrophic, terrible things will happen in life and it won't be fair.
And the quote, everything happens for a reason, tries to... hide that truth and say, no, everything happens for a reason.
Everything in life is fair because everything happens for a reason. kind of insinuates that bad things that happen will lead to positive things down the line.
And that's not always necessarily true. Something really bad can happen and the best case scenario is that you heal from it.
And that's okay. Traumatic events are an inevitable part of being human.
And they can definitely inspire growth in an individual, even when they're the most catastrophic, most traumatic person. imaginable, those events can lead to growth in a prosperous life in a wild way.
People... can really turn the shittiest of situations into something so beautiful.
But we should never expect that. Sometimes the best you can do... after a situation like that, is just heal from that situation.
And then... Go and blossom as a result of other things in your life.
Does that make sense? Saying everything happens for a reason consciously or subconsciously puts pressure on the person suffering. to figure out the reason why something happened.
And that's not focusing energy in the right area.
It's much more helpful. to focus energy on accepting the unfairness of life and figuring out how to heal. and figuring out what your next step is in life so that you can get back on track. looking for the reason why something happened when it's a catastrophe, is torture.
For example, you're... Dog gets hit by a car and dies.
This dog was your best friend, your everything.
You are heartbroken. You are wrecked over this.
Imagine you say to yourself, everything happens for a reason.
In what universe could that apply to your dog just getting hit by a car?
Well, some might say it's opening up the door for a new dog to come into your life or it's It's giving you the time to travel because, you know, having a pet.
Makes it harder to travel. It's going to give you time to travel.
Yes, but also... I have a hard time with that.
And there was a period of my life when that's how I used to look at things.
And I do think that there is a kiss of positivity in that that is good.
But I feel like what's healthier is to say, fuck, this is so unfair.
Life is so unfair. And to allow yourself to feel that, for as long as you need, and then to just move forward in your life.
And let that situation rest. Does that make sense?
Like... I don't like the idea of life after a catastrophic event being positive and being good as a result of that catastrophic event.
Who's to say that you couldn't have... had those wonderful experiences that you had, following the catastrophic event if that catastrophic event hadn't happened.
Who's to say that? Do you see what I'm saying?
It gets a little dicey when we're discussing things Catastrophes. death, natural disasters, abuse, things of this sort.
It gets a little hairy for me. and it doesn't feel right.
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Please fuse responsibly. This quote states that everything, everything happens for a reason.
And yes, that's factually true. But... The way that majority of us perceive this quote is, makes it complicated.
If the quote was, some things happen for a reason. it would be much better because saying something's happened for a reason, exclude the traumatic experience unbearable challenges of life.
And I think that's an important exclusion.
The quote, some things happen for a reason, is my new favorite quote.
I love it. It works really well for me It's sort of a glow up.
It's sort of a quote glow up for me. I'm obsessed.
I cannot stop using it. Some things happen for a reason.
See, it rolls off the tongue. It sounds great.
It checks all the boxes. It just simply does it for me.
So that's exciting. So we just touched on the scenarios in life when...
This quote doesn't work very well. This quote applies to experiences in life where everyone is safe and their quality of life is not severely damaged. and their life is not being threatened.
It works great in these situations. For example, a breakup, having to move cities, small inconveniences. getting a new job, et cetera, et cetera.
Yet, even in the scenarios that this quote applies best to, it still fails to address the fact that you often have to put in work to get value from challenging experiences.
It doesn't happen automatically. Challenges are only incredible growth opportunities if you allow them to be.
Challenges can only shift your direction in life in a positive way if you allow them to.
Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on this quote to... solve all of my life's problems and questions.
But... everything happens for a reason insinuates Something bad happens and then something good comes from it. that doesn't just automatically happen.
We have to push that forward. We have to make that happen a lot of times.
It can feel automatic. I'll give an example. you go through a heart-wrenching breakup and then you end up meeting the true love of your life.
And if you hadn't broke up with that person, you wouldn't have met the love of your life, right?
And maybe you met the love of your life. randomly, spontaneously, and it felt like it just fell into your lap.
I don't know. You have to pursue that person.
You have to put yourself out there for that person It's not like things just happen to you and you don't play any role in those things happening.
Do you know what I mean? Okay, well, now let's be positive about the quote because it's not all bad.
I know I just ripped it apart, but I still have love for this quote.
It's like, again, I keep relating things to breakups For some reason.
It's like I was dating this quote for a few years and...
We had a really, really great relationship, but over time I sort of grew out of it.
And then I eventually decided that I needed to go my own way, break it off.
And we ended things cordially, so it's fine.
You know what I mean? And I still have love for this quote.
You know what I mean? That's how I feel about this quote.
It's like I still have love for the quote, but I will never be in love with the quote again, right?
So I still love the quote and I'll tell you why.
No, I don't love the quote. Love is a big word.
I still appreciate the quote. less catastrophic challenges in life, like breakups, moving cities, small inconveniences, et cetera.
This quote applies. It simply applies. It makes sense a lot of times.
Almost all minor challenges in our lives bring us a lot of value long-term.
But in the moment, this can be very hard to remember.
This quote can be a soothing reminder of, that good can always come from minor challenges if we allow the good to come.
When you compare major life challenges to minor life challenges...
Obviously, the minor life challenges look like nothing.
A breakup, moving cities, you get the idea.
That's nothing. Nobody died. Nobody got hurt.
Everyone's fine. But in the moment, those things can feel...
They're never going to feel as terrible as... when someone dies, when there's a natural disaster, when, you know, things like that.
It's never gonna feel that bad But it's all relative, you know?
Major challenges in life Do not discount the pain that comes with minor challenges.
Minor challenges are still incredibly challenging.
And we're all faced with them on a consistent basis.
And when it comes to a minor challenge, it reigns true that everything happens for a reason.
Because when no one died, nobody's quality of life is being threatened, etc., etc., everything's going to be okay.
You know what I mean? Like everything's going to be okay.
And a minor challenge was, will usually end up having a reason.
I also think that this quote can inspire people to welcome challenges in life. which I think is positive because challenges are inevitably going to come our way.
And there's nothing we can do to stop it.
So it's best to accept that as truth. In addition to that, minor challenges are usually beneficial to us.
They teach us lessons. They give us strength.
They help us develop our sense of self They help us develop wisdom.
Anything that... can help us accept challenge in this life, I think is good.
And I'd be lying if I said that this quote didn't help me through life. many minor challenges in my life.
I'll prove it to you Breakups suck They suck But every time I've ever gone through a breakup, I've reminded myself that, throughout the weeks of pain that everything happens for a reason.
And without fail, it has helped me get through those first few weeks that are just brutal.
Or you're crying all the time and... you're Googling how to know if I broke up with my soulmate or not, like that whole thing, you know, we've all been there.
During those weeks, it's brutal. And I've used everything happens for a reason. to help me get through those times.
And it's been incredibly helpful. Not only that, it's also been true.
I've never regretted a breakup it did happen for a reason you know and The pain was undeniable.
But long-term, I was happier. I am happier.
Right? My breakup experiences have improved my sense of independence. have taught me how to stand up for myself, have... allowed me to develop a better sense of who I want my long-term partner husband, baby daddy to be.
I've never regretted a breakup. Breakups happen for a reason.
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Use as directed. I've also used this quote during periods of loneliness.
I've had periods of time in my life where I haven't really had friends because I've maybe cut off some people that weren't clicking with me.
And then... had a self-inflicted period of loneliness where...
I've just felt lost about what to do next.
Those periods are very challenging. Friendship is such a beautiful part of life.
And... In the periods of our lives where we don't have friendship, are terrible.
But those periods of my life taught me how to spend time alone.
made me reconsider what I want in a friendship so that I'll never settle again. and made space for new friends.
Those lonely periods... happened for a reason.
They happened so that I could learn those lessons and make room for new friends.
This also applies to my parents' divorce.
Very much so. My parents got divorced when I was five years old, so...
I wasn't analyzing the situation when it first happened.
It was almost like I woke up as a 12 year old and was like, wait a minute.
Oh, now I see what's happening. So I processed it a bit later because when you're five years old, you don't understand.
And it was really hard for me. at times, not living under the same roof with both of my parents.
It was hard for me when my parents started dating other people.
There were a lot of challenges with my parents getting divorced.
And for a long time, it was... a huge struggle for me.
In the quote, everything happens for a reason. was helpful for me during that time.
And it ended up being true that their divorce was for a reason, a positive reason.
I have a very unique bond with each of my parents separately as a result of their divorce. living with each of them separately allowed me to develop unique relationships with each of them that I wouldn't have had otherwise.
I am an only child and I had one-on-one interactions with both of my parents constantly.
It wasn't them against me. It was a two-person relationship with each of my parents individually.
And that's a unique experience. And for me it was an incredible experience.
I am much closer to my parents as a result.
On top of that, I think both of my parents are happier and I want them to be happy.
And I think both of them are happier. And they're friends. which is very special.
And I'm very, very grateful for that because that's very unusual.
In the last example in my own life that I can think of today is...
When I was severely depressed in high school, This was one of the most challenging periods of my life.
I mean, I think... The most challenging periods of my life have been my... depressive episodes.
And my first real depressive episode was in high school.
And it was fucking brutal. It was absolutely brutal.
And it's hard to say that that happened for a reason because that was... such a painful and awful period of my life.
But weirdly, I do feel like it kind of happened for a reason because it led me to my career.
Me being depressed in high school forced me to pick up a hobby.
And that hobby was making YouTube videos.
And those YouTube videos... didn't do too shabby and people watch them and people like them.
And, and, That has led me to where I am today.
That's how my career happened, you know?
I would have never felt desperate enough to express myself, I don't think, without that depressive episode. which scares me in some ways.
Also, I shouldn't say that because I don't know for sure.
Who knows? I could have ended up doing what I'm doing now without that depressive episode, but I don't think so.
Because I think that episode was so traumatic for me that it... pulled me out of my routine.
It pulled me out of autopilot and It made me rethink my entire life.
And it forced me to put my energy towards something different. for me, which I don't know if I would have done otherwise.
Like, if I wouldn't have fallen into this depressive episode, I would have been so busy doing homework, hanging out with friends, going to football games, stuff like that.
I would have never thought to pick up a camera and start making YouTube videos. in a serious way.
That was... a way for me to put my energy towards something that wasn't wallowing in sorrow.
In some ways, that happened for a reason, you know?
Listen, in conclusion... The quote is not great.
This is not a great quote. We shouldn't get this tattooed on us.
And if you're listening to this and you already have it as a tattoo, no worries. okay you're gonna be okay you can cover it with a gorgeous flower or something it'll be fine Everything happens for a reason is not true.
Some things happen for a reason is true.
And the word everything is much more extreme than the phrase some things.
But I really like the quote, something's happened for a reason.
Because it's true. Some things do happen for a great reason.
Some things don't, but I think it's healthy to remember that that something's happened for a reason because...
Challenges in life are an opportunity for growth and for learning. and for wisdom, and for redirection in life.
That can be really positive and we should never forget that.
So I don't know, booking my appointment to get some things happen for a reason, tatted.
On me, can't wait, figuring out my font right now. probably going to do like Times New Roman on my back.
Some things happen for a reason. Whatever.
That's all I have for today. Let me know if I annihilated this quote too hard and it didn't deserve it.
Let me know if I overthought it. which I think I did.
And let me know what you think of the quote.
I really appreciate all of you listening and hanging out today.
It's always such a pleasure new episodes every Thursday and Sunday.
So tune in. You can listen anywhere you stream podcasts, watch video exclusively on Spotify.
Check out my Instagram at Emma Chamberlain.
Check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee.
Go to chamberlaincoffee.com for that. Head to our store locator on chamberlaincoffee.com to see where you can pick up Chamberlain Coffee in person if you don't want to order online but also you could order online and it's always such a pleasure to talk and hang with you.
And I hope that you're all doing really well and I'll talk to you soon.
Yeah, I'll talk to you soon. And I love and appreciate you.
That's all I got.
