Discussion keeps the worldturning.
This isRoundtable. Long before Americansitcom, the Big Band Theory declared that smartness than yousexy, we humans have been redefining what it means to be attractive in the datingmarket.
Ofcourse, quarterbacks and cheerleaders still get the mostattention, but nerdy members of the society also are earning their fair share of respect from theirpeers.
And if someone can excel at both sports andmath, they are practically angels onearth.
Hello, I'm Limeing and this isRoundtable.
With Lee and BradenYeats, we seek to find out why more and more people seem to be looking for high-eye intelligence in theirpartners.
So there's a newterm, say puresexuality, that people are talking about over theinternet.
It stands for the kind of a sentiment weget, or some peopleget.
The kind of a people find smart people sexuallyattractive.
That seems to be the concept that people arediscussing.
Is thattrue? Imean, there's been a study showing that about8% of the population exhibit that kind oftendency.
Yeah,actually, when we talk about a sapientsexual, people might already be quite familiar with thisconcept.
In a simpleway, Ithink, sapiosexuals really find smart brainsattractive.
So if you are more attracted by the contents of a person's mind compared with the appearance of theirbody, then the chances are you might be asapiosexual.
And I think it's much more complicated than the simple perception that they like to date smartpeople.
I think many people find intelligence attractive and nobody really wants to date don'tpeople, but I think forsapiosexuals, they usually have a muchstronger, as yousaid, sexual interest in thisquality.
And according to relevantresearch, between1% and8% of people aged 18 to 35 may besapiosexual.
And I think it's a rather newterm, because in thedictionary, I mean the Websterdictionary, the first and the one use of this word was in2004.
And also we see more discussion about thissapiosexuals, especially in onlinedating.
SoBrandon,8% of thepopulation, is it enough to challenge the rank of quarterbacks andcheerleaders?
I thinkso. I think it also depends on what you deem to beintelligence.
And I think it also depends on what people are lookingfor.
So I think from women'sside, forexample, I think that generally women start becoming more interested in finding longer term partners earlier than mendo.
That's been myexperience.
And I think that when you are looking for something long term or a little bit more serious than just a fling orwhatever, then I think intelligence and having things in common and being able to converse withsomebody, I think that becomes more and moreimportant.
That beingsaid, if you are just looking for a summer fling or somethingcasual, then I think that intelligence and having something to talk about becomes less important and then physical appearance and physical chemistry becomes moreimportant.
That beingsaid, I also think that I think we're also coming to a point where intelligence is being as highly valued as physical appearance and athleticabilities, etcetera, etcetera.
But I don't think it's necessarily becoming moreimportant.
I think it's kind of on a level playing field and generally the most appealing men and women have multiple areas that people findattractive.
So it's not justphysical.
It's also intelligence and being interesting and being funny andbeing, having emotionalintelligence.
So I think that it's great to hear that men and women are expanding their horizons in terms of what they findattractive.
But that beingsaid, I don't think they are necessarily valuing one trait over theother.
I think they are looking for people with multipletraits.
Allright. I want to get a context right because I think here inChina, we might get some distorted perception about this tendency because for over a thousand years here inChina, we've valued intelligence over the physical attributes in terms of seeking apartner.
Yeah, because there's a culture promoting education and encouragingeducation.
We've been selectingofficials, court officials and regional officials through examinations for more than a thousandyears.
Thankfully. Beginning from the time that's actually coming from the town dynasty about the eighth to 10thcentury, if I remembercorrectly.
So we have always put the smut before the brutality or the physicalforce.
And there's always being the case for the deadend.
Does that apply to the dead end world aswell?
Or is that just the professionalworld?
Because Imean, I thinkglobally, intelligence is definitely valued and always been valued in the professionalsector.
But I don't know if it's always been a very highly sought after trait in terms of finding a long-termpartner, even just a short-termpartner.
Has that always been something that people look for in the dating space in Chinaspecifically?
Well, if you're believing the stories that were so popular for the past several hundred years in novel or romances that people would like to talk about and then listen to and enjoy andappreciate, then it's always about a scholar or young lad who's studying veryhard, who want to go to the capital to attend the college or the imperial examination todo.
That might be relatively unique to China because I think when you look atancient, but when you look back at relatively old Englishliterature, forexample, I think a lot of the malecharacters, forexample, I think they are often revered for their status or for their physicalappearance.
That might be changingnow, but when I think of Romeo and Juliet and other literatureexamples, I think the most focused upon traits were either emotionalintelligence.
Someone, two partners getting along and really enjoying each other's company or just being physicallyattractive.
But their education orIQ, I don't think particularly inliterature, has been focused upon in Westernculture.
I think that's changingnow,thankfully, buthistorically, I don't think that waseffective, but it's interesting to hear that that is something that has featured in Chinese literature for manyyears.
It's precisely this kind of discrepancy in culture or in literaryworks, that I would like to beg European on whether things have changed a lot dramatically and how the Western population would deem this new tendency of people really wanting a smarter partner as compared to an able-bodied and brutal and strongpartner.
Like I saidearlier, here inChina, we always put the brains before the physicalforce.
Like I saidearlier, in legends and stories andromances, there's always somebody that'swell-learned, well-learned and educated and who is yet to make a stem in the imperialexamination.
I think the mentality really applies also to the relationship area here inChina, not only because of the literature or where Roman strama you talk aboutit, but also because I think there used to be a widespread worship for good grace or academic results or academicintelligence.
But I guess that still existsthere,right?
It's still very important in Chineseculture.
Yes, people do have this perception that if you are say more intelligencecapable, then there's a good chance that you can enjoy better educationopportunities, say betteruni, and then also better employmentopportunities.
So as apartner, if you're having this partnerwith,say, highintelligence, there's a better chance for you to enhance your social standing as well because this person could just enjoy more socialresources, which is in line with the traditionalperception, but I think it's really being changed rightnow.
I think people do have a more diversified criteria for finding a good partner because people start to question whether intelligence could really make a person a goodpartner.
I think it also hugely depends on what people are actually lookingfor, and I think that might also varydemographically.
So forexample, I generally find that people that are coming out of their 20s are mostly looking for long term partners and maybe seeking a wife or a husband and wanting to have kids and settledown,etc.
Then I think their criteria of selection becomes a lot more diversified because to have a long termpartner, you need multiple factors to keep that going and just intelligence or just physical attractiveness won't cutit.
You need a variety ofthings.
But that beingsaid, forexample, amongst the youngergenerations, I don't know if this applies to Chineseculture, but in Westernculture, there definitely seems to be a distancing from long termrelationships.
People seem to be going between partners a lot more frequently than they did in thepast.
I think a lot of that has to do with people just having access to more people than they did in the past through onlinedating, through socialmedia,etc.
So it's a lot more difficult for peopleto, Ithink, remain young people in particular to remain committed in long termrelationships.
So for people that are looking for something maybe a little bit more shortterm, then they might just value intelligence or just value physical attractiveness or whatever it maybe.
But thenagain, when you are looking for something moreserious, then I think that intelligence just becomes one of a variety of factors that determines whether people will stay together ornot.
So the duration of the relationship that people are looking for might have an impact on theirpreference?
Whether there will prefer intelligence over other qualities or whether there will go forsomething, forinstance, romantic experience or higher EQ as compared to or higherIQ.
And Igenerally, this might be ageneralization, but I also generally find that women are a lot more selected in terms of these traits than menare.
I think ifmen, this might be astereotype, but I generally find that men that are looking for something casual or shortterm, emotional intelligence is abonus, but it's not necessarily a determiningfactor.
Normally in those situations men are looking for women that they findattractive, but physicallyattractive.
But then when it comes to women that are seeking generally longer term situations or a partner that they might stay with for a indeterminate amount oftime, I think physical attractiveness is still veryimportant, but I don't think it's the only qualifyingfactor.
We do have a woman on the show and we do if sheagrees.
I think it really depends on differentculture.
I think according to my personalobservation, I think men and women are equally selective when it comes to finding a goodpartner.
I think people are for longerterm,right?
For longerterm. For longerterm.
I think for both longer term and shorterterm, I don't really think people have one single brutal criteria for their boyfriend or girlfriend here inChina.
That's a long term thingthough.
I think maybe that's something that doesn't necessarily exist or is very popular inChina.
Honestly, forexample, in SouthAfrica, people that are young in their20s, there are so many people that and women actually as well that are remaining single for very long periods of time and just cycling through multiplepartners.
And a lot of that is downto, like Isaid, accessibility to multiple people and also men becoming less and less loyal because of all of those options that they now have available tothem.
So there's a lot lessboyfriend, girlfriend situations and long term relationships in younger demographics in SouthAfrica, forexample, and other Westerncultures, Isuppose, whereas inChina, I suppose younger people are seeking more serious relationships as opposed to other countries in theworld.
Maybe. What would you say tothat?
When you were looking for yourpartner, did you value a higher IQ overmaybe, I don't have to letit.
I think it's really a very trickytopic.
I think if anyone really labels themselves as aCEO, it could be a quite tricky thing because I don't really think there are people who are deliberately looking for dumbpeople.
I think people simply want good quality partners both in terms of intelligence and emotionalstrategies.
That's assuming they're looking for apartner,right?
Yes. And I think there might be some people who are lookingfor, orwho, where there are people who are limiting themselves as a CEOsector, because maybe in the longer termrelationships, they are also having this consideration forgenetics.
Maybe they think like smart genes can also make a goodchoice.
Yes, smart parents also make smartchildren, so that's one very important consideration for people out there who label themselves assepiosexual.
But for mepersonally, I think it really depends on whether this person is cuteenough, because there are people who aresmart, Imean, intelligencecapable, but if they are too aware of theirintelligence, which could also make them annoyingsometimes.
Yeah, that'sinteresting.
They can have really hugeego.
And they can be just as egotistical as like super hot quarterbacks orwhatever.
Yeah, yousee, I think that's the tricky parthere.
It really depends on what kind of partner you're lookingfor.
I don't reallythink, or forme, I don't really think I can live with a person who are extremely confident about theirintelligence, because that also makes your relationship quiteimbalanced.
Yes. Also make you are also the upper side and me as the lowerside.
I don't really enjoy thatfeeling.
Yeah, I think this is universalthough.
I think regardless of the culture where you comefrom, I think if you're looking for a long-termpartner, generally the amount of traits that you're looking for is a lot morediverse.
That beingsaid, I think that long-term relationships and boyfriend and girlfriendsituations, particularly in youngerdemographics, is becoming less popular in Westernculture.
That's what I'venoticed.
Well, still people are studying afamily, are still raisingchildren.
Butlater.Eventually, there will be thatpoint.
When they reach thatpoint, intelligence is only one of the factors that they put intoconsideration.
That'suniversal, forsure.
Also, study a found that it's not the smarter theyget, they're moreattractive.
Theybecome.Sometimes, there's a point beyond which high intelligence becomes a nuisance rather than aprivileged, infact.
Some study found that threshold seems to be 120 in when it comes to the IQs or theother.
So there can be pros and cons when it comes to dating a really smartpeople.
Like, he saidearlier, some people feel that they can learn from the really smart partner and the guidance and wisdom and also the kind of humor and the kindof...
Or on the flipside, their partner makes you feeldumb.
So there are definitelyextremes.
You don't want to be with somebody that's super smart and makes you feel dumb or feel lucky to be withthem.
I think it depends on how that person values keys or hurtintelligence.
I think if youreally...
And how they value theirpartner,right?
Yes. I think if you are already having a highintelligence, Imean, highIQ, and inmeantime, highEQ, emotionalintelligence, I don't think you would just make your partner feel that they are inferior toyou.
I think that's a very good quality for a good partner aswell.
Youknow, who's a good example of a variety of theseattributes?
I would say as JamesBond.
Youknow, supermanly, youknow, supertragic, but also anathletic, but also superintelligent.
But the problem with that is that he is now highly desirable amongst a huge pool ofwomen.
So now he becomes less likely to find apartner.
And as we know throughout all of the James Bondseries, the only time he found a partner was in the last movie and that's when hedied.
So, youknow, I think there's problems in that sense because Ithink,again, the more desirable somebody becomes because they have a variety of traits that makes themdesirable, so being physicallyattractive, beingintelligent, etcetera, it also makes it quite difficult for them to settle down and find a partner because they've got so many options available tothem.
Imean, to ask thequestion, is it fair for people who are not reallysmart, who are not physicallyattractive, then I guess you just found theanswer.
Imean, even for somebody who is as perfect as JamesBond, if someone was to choose to spend their life with somebody like JamesBond, there is the riskof,well, James Bond being soattractive, being quoted by so manypeople, then the relationship probably wouldn'tlast.
So I guess there are so many factors that will go into the calculation as to who would be the perfect partner withyou.
So in a real lifesituation, although people are in theory looking for somebody that's reallysmart, but at the end of theday,well, it's not always the smart people with smart people and dumb people coupling with dumbpeople.
Imean, the real life situation is much more complicated thanthat.
Imean, forexample, forme, I'm definitely not looking for anything long term at themoment, but if Iwas, I think some traits that I would value areloyalty, and I think that's one of the issues that I think that would counter everything that we've already discussed is that no matter how desirable or not the personis, if that person is loyal to you and wants to remain withyou, I think that's an incredibly importanttrait.
And also just someone that I enjoy spending my time with and sharing my lifewith.
I think that also becomes a lot more important than intelligence than physicalattractiveness, etcetera, just somebody that you enjoy having a very lengthy conversation with or just sitting next to and not evenspeaking.
So I think those are also two factors that people really need to be aware of when seeking someone that they potentially want to spend the rest of their lifewith.
And also we keep talking about same talrogens and smart peoplewith.
Imean, what's the definition of smartpeople?
Ofcourse. And you can only define the people with high IQ as smartpeople, but I think in reallife, there especially one that comes to looking for apartner, there's a so much more diversified criteria for beingsmart.
There's emotionalintelligence,history,smart, there's somany.
Yes. And if that person understands you and if you can really have really deep and engagingconversation, these are all the traits that can contribute to the satisfaction to your ownrelation, I think that's also a factor to be consideredhere.
And especially when we talk about the smartpeople, we are usually especially here inChina.
Imean, the traditional perception is only referring to academicintelligence, which is sonarrow.
So I think it's really important to encourage people to have a more diversified criteria for evaluating and validatingpeople.
What shesaid.Yes,yes,yes.
So we really put so much thought into dating andrelationships.
I think it's a mind field outthere.
It's noteasy. It's important to really get out there and meet people rather than you know coming up with all these kind of criteria and standards that people are not able tomeet.
Or just show up at your date with your list of criteria and hand it to them before you even startspeaking.
That's a reallygood, not a goodidea.
Not a goodmove. You're listening to round table motivationalMonday.
It'snext. Welcome back to round table is the weekly motivational Monday segment and we begin with Brandonthis.
Yes, I've got a quote here from Maya Angelou and shesaid, my mission in life is to not merely survive but to thrive and funnyenough, it actually goes back to James Bondagain.
In the last James Bondmovie, when well spoiler alert everybody he passes away in no time todie.
When his colleagues were celebrating his life once he had passedaway, one of the quotes that was used to acknowledge how he lived his lifewas, I'm going to live and not just survive or not justexist.
I'm going to use my time and not waste my time trying to extend mytime.
So the message from both sides is go out there and find a purpose and live the life that you want tolive.
Don't just get by everyday, justsurviving.
Go out there and try and make the best of whatever situation you in pursue apassion, try newthings, explore theworld, spend time with friends and family and live alife.
Don't just let life passby.
A big contrast between surviving and thriving is the practice of what perhaps office workers are choosing to stay at home and recuperate and relax as compared to office workers who really like to go out and do some physical exercises and enjoy the nighttime as thecomparison.
Plenty of options inChina, my time marketsetc.
You got to be a smartperson, you got to beintelligent, know what is good foryou, you can'treally, of course it really pays and makes you feel good to just sit at home and watch TV andrelax.
And at the end of the day what pays off is perhaps some sweating sessions at a basketball court and it really helps you longterm.
You guys are really good at callingback,right?
That's what I'mdoing. So today I really want to share another quote from an American author and a motivational speaker way indire.
It's everything you do is based on the choices youmake.
It's not yourparents, your pastrelationships, yourjob, theeconomy, the weather and argument or your age that is toblame.
You and your only you and your always responsible for every decision and choice youmake.
So I think a takeaway from the quote is ready to make good decisions and also be responsible for the decisions youmake.
I think especially foreveryone, basically life is nothing but a series of conscious or unconscious choices that wemake.
And the thing is that we are responsible and accountable for decisions we make inlife.
And unfortunately not every decision could be quote and quotecorrect.
But sometimes we just attend to find it easier to blame someone or something else for our wrongdecisions.
But actually it is only we ourselves who areresponsible.
So take responsibility for your thoughts and actions you will never have any kind of control over yourlife.
It's really important to be responsible for what you say and what you do not only for yourself but also forothers.
And another takeaway is that control was on your mind most of the time and not letting outside influences determine your thoughts so that you can be driven to take the correct or important actions to succeed in pursuing yourgoal.
That's about makingdecisions.
That's verywise. I think a lot of anxieties and worries that we have arise from not knowing what we are afraid of and sometimes what we are afraid of is the prospect of assuming the responsibilities for the decisions we've made or we are about tomake.
So spending time worrying about external factors that you cannot control can definitely destroyyou.
So I definitely agree that you need to focus on what's within yourcontrol.
So choices that you make and the way that you think is veryimportant.
A smart people with high intelligence will like to think itthrough.
They wouldn't let the emotional labor occupy or consume themsometimes.
But thenagain, they've done people probably don't have that much to worry aboutanyway.
So it kind of works for bothparties.
Maybe a lot of the worrying and anxiety goes on in the backdoor.
We don't even know what's goingon.
And that seems to be the issue for a lot of people who are facing difficult decisions andchallenges.
My quote this week is from Lev Torstoy and hesaid, the best stories don't come from good versusbad, but good versusgood.
Come to think ofit, it means the video games and plays and literary works when they are soclassic, they are when they take up so much of yourtime, be it videogames, several hundred hours of game time or literary works and then plays and a lot ofthem, they are not about good versusbad, not about white walkers trying to take over the world and then all the seven kingdoms have to stand together to fightthem.
Imean, these are goodstories.
But oftentimes even better stories are people who unfortunately have very good intentions and they cometogether, their ideas clash and they are fighting wars of ideas and sometimes their good intentions end up leading to very badresults.
So by sharing this quote thisweek, I would like to introduce my observation from this quote and that is sometimes we need to avoid getting quotes in a goodstory.
Unfortunately, we don't want to be in such a good story where the good clashes with thegood.
We must know that someserious, serious arguments take place because of good intentions and we need to acknowledge that maybe a friend or a relative that's really trying to mess with youraffairs.
They are coming at you with very good intentions and what you need to do is not to argue with them but to infact, acknowledge their good intentions and then go about doing your own business without fighting the goodfight.
We need to pick the right fight and then also we must be aware that our good intentions can backfire aswell.
We don't necessarily know what the other person is going through and sometimes even coming from a goodpoint, we are not necessarily given the right advice and by imposing our opinions on our friends andrelatives, we sometimes make itworse.
So that is the point of my quote this week and the best stories don't come from good versus bad but good versusgood.
Acknowledge that we can all dogood, greatthings, acknowledge that we can do all do bad things even with good intentions and go about maintaining and building good relationships with those aroundyou.
That's all the time we have for thisdiscussion.
