The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
Hello, welcome to or welcome back to Try Not to Care.
If you're new here, my name is Ashley.
I usually upload every single Monday when I'm not on my deathbed.
And unfortunately, you caught me at a bad time because I am on my deathbed, which is why I skipped last week's episode.
episode I have been down bad for the past week with what I think is the flu I didn't go to the doctor I don't have health insurance right now and my friends are nurses and they're like listen babes you probably have the flu if you go to urgent care they're gonna say take some Tylenol or some Motrin and drink some
water and get some rest and I just don't have the funds right now for that advice I simply could not be bothered so I have just been in bed for the past week minding my business, not seeing anyone.
I've watched too many episodes of Love Island All Stars.
I've watched the O .J.
Simpson documentary on Netflix.
I've watched A Good Girl's Guide to Murder.
I have been bored out of my mind.
I got so bored to the point where I waxed off the ends of my tails or plucked off the ends of my eyebrow tails.
They look a little crazy.
It's fine. But I physically could not record Monday's episode I was so sick and I'm just getting my voice back and I'm just feeling kind of like myself but I've just gotten so bored to the point where I was like no we're sitting down we're recording this episode I don't care if it sounds like I have a frog
in my throat I need to talk to my girls so originally I wanted to do two episodes for February where it was like centered around Valentine's Day I wanted to do it for the girls but obviously we skipped a week.
So I'm uploading this the Monday before Valentine's Day and I am really excited for this episode.
It is officially February and I'm not gonna lie.
I got hit with the love bug.
I'm so excited for Valentine's Day.
It is my first Valentine's Day as a fiance but I do know that Valentine's Day can be very difficult for people who are single or just went through a breakup or maybe it's their first valentine's day being single or maybe they're in a relationship that just doesn't live up to their expectations and they're
unhappy whatever the case may be february and valentine's day can be difficult and i know there's people that write it off as it's a stupid holiday it doesn't mean anything but i think if you're like me and you have very big emotions and you're very sensitive, any holiday can be very triggering.
I have a lot of difficulty with the 4th of July and New Year's Eve.
Any of like the holidays where people go out with their friends because I can struggle with FOMO.
And on my birthday, I cry every single year and I'm very emotional.
I just get very overstimulated.
I have these big expectations and they're never met and it's just something that I've always struggled with.
Holidays can be really hard when you aren't happy with yourself or you feel like you don't have a good support system or you're just going through a hard patch in your life.
Like I said, I cry every single year on my birthday and I know there's people that might be like, what is your problem?
Like your birthday is supposed to be the best day of the year.
You're supposed to be celebrating.
You're supposed to be happy and I actually feel more alone on my birthday and I struggle a lot on my birthday.
and that's kind of how people can feel when it comes to valentine's day valentine's day can be looked at as this stupid holiday this hallmark holiday doesn't mean anything but there are so many people who get in their heads and assign meaning to it so although valentine's day can be this stupid holiday
that means nothing you do grow up viewing valentine's day as kind of important like at least where I went to school I would look forward to going to class and getting valentine's day cards passed around and my dad asking me to be his valentine and you know in middle school having a crush and just doing
that whole thing people are going to attach meaning to it whether it be a positive or a negative thing I think a lot of people view holidays like Valentine's Day as like a checkpoint.
Like, okay, am I happy?
Am I in a healthy relationship?
Is this relationship going somewhere?
Why am I still single?
What am I doing wrong?
Why am I spending another Valentine's Day alone?
And it can cause people to spiral and overanalyze the relationships in their life.
Obviously, this can happen at any point in time.
It doesn't have to be around a holiday.
I just think that like holidays like Valentine's Day bring up these thoughts and emotions where we start questioning like does this person like me do they want to be with me why don't they want to be with me what am I doing wrong are we always going to be in a situation ship are they going to ask me
to be their girlfriend or am I always just going to be like a hookup to them are they going to ask me to be their valentine are we going to go out to dinner are we going to do the things that we're supposed to do on valentine's day before my now fiance i dated guys who couldn't even give me the bare minimum
i mean they gave me so much less especially on days like valentine's day my birthday i wasn't getting candy or a date i was lucky if i got a card like my last ex -boyfriend didn't even know my birthday didn't even know my birthday and instead of me looking at that and how these guys treated me and like
questioning wait a minute do I want this type of relationship do I want a boyfriend who can't even remember my birthday or can't even take me out on a date on Valentine's Day do I want someone who makes me feel so unloved instead of questioning any of that and focusing on the fact that they were mistreating
me I was sitting there being like what more can I do what can I do to make this person treat me better or love me more like doesn't this person even love me what am I doing wrong wrong having someone mistreat you or act uninterested in you does something really fun to our brain it fries our brain and it
makes us feral and instead of logically thinking okay this person doesn't like me they don't want to be with me they're not interested in me or you know they're not making me feel good about myself I'm going to back off and I'm going to stop pursuing them, or I'm going to break up with them, or I'm
just going to focus on myself.
Our brain says, no, no, no, no, no.
They're not interested in you anymore.
So that must mean you're doing something wrong.
This means that you need to work harder.
You need to regain their attention.
You need to make them like you.
You need to make them want you because it's not about them.
It's about you. There's something wrong with you.
Otherwise they wouldn't have lost interest.
they would like you still.
You would think that you would spend more time thinking about the people who show you how much they appreciate you and love you and want to be with you because you're so in love with them.
You can't stop thinking about them and everything's great, but you actually find yourself ruminating the most about people who make you feel bad about yourself because you're so focused on why don't they want to be with me?
Why don't they like me?
What did I do wrong?
What can I fix? We think because they're not interested in us anymore or they like someone else or they don't want to be with us or they're just being flaky and treating us bad that we must have done something and if we try harder and you know look more cool and more mysterious and we stop texting them
or we buy them something nice and we give ourselves a glow up then they'll want us.
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Now let's get back to today's episode.
There were people that I was in situationships with and I thought maybe if I just play it cooler and I get hotter and I stay persistent and like only pursuing them and showing them like hey I'm not seeing anyone else.
I only want you. That will translate to them of like oh she's the girl I want to be with.
She's so wifey. She's so loyal.
I want to be with her.
I want to turn this into a relationship and that just never happened.
The result typically stays the same.
They still mistreat you and you end up being crushed except you're spending so much more energy trying to figure out how can I change the outcome when you can't change how someone treats you or how they feel about you.
All you can change is how you react to the situation.
I've been with my fiance Josh for seven years and when I think about the guys I dated before him and I think about how badly they treated me I am stunned because I'm like what was that all about like why was I so head over heels and down bad for these people who were just so bad to me and like yes time
has passed so obviously I can see it with clear eyes now but it's just like so obvious looking at it now that I wasn't hung up on them because they were nice to me or they were romantic or they made me feel pretty if anything it's the opposite they made me question my worth so much that the reason I
held on so tight to them was because I thought that if I could make them want me if I could get them to affirm to me that I was worthy and that I'm beautiful and that i'm deserving of their love then i would feel worthy it was almost like a sick game of like if i can get them to want me then i deserve
it and if i couldn't make them want me i felt like i was undeserving of their love and there must be something wrong with me rather than just thinking this person isn't right for me and that's why i stuck around for so long it wasn't because i loved them so much or that the relationship was good.
It was just the fact that I was so attached to the idea of them loving me because if they could love me that meant that I was deserving of it and that's why it felt so good whenever they were nice to me because it was validating these thoughts of like, okay, I am deserving of love.
I do deserve this. It's just so frustrating because I was placing so much of my meaning on these guys and I was so focused on them rather than on myself.
If I could go back and give high school me some advice, well actually I would give her a lot of advice, but if I could give her some advice, I would tell her to stop focusing so much on does this person like me and ask myself do I even like them am I crashing out over someone who is deserving of being
crashed out over or am I crashing out over them because of my own feelings of myself and this goes for friendships too do I even want to be their friend or am I acting this way because of how they're treating me like I've had friends who have stabbed me in the back and gone and done something that really
hurt me so deeply. And although it hurt, there was still part of me that was like, okay, I need to kiss up to them.
I need to text them.
I need to ask them to hang out.
I need to buy them a gift.
I need to post on social media about them.
Like, I need them to like me.
I want them to like me.
Or even those friends that would distance themselves from me and stop talking to me and made it apparent they didn't want to be friends with me anymore.
Instead of taking that at face value of like, okay, they don't want to be friends with me i took it as okay this is a challenge for me to make them want to be my friend i need to try harder i need to make them like me because i was so worried about how they felt about me rather than how do i even feel
about them i think a lot of us lose sight of the purpose of dating when we really like someone or we think we really like someone we forget that dating takes two like you're pursuing each other you both have a choice to choose or to not choose each other you still have a choice whether you want to pursue
this person and wouldn't you want to pursue someone that you actually like wouldn't you want to try to make things work with someone who you're actually attracted to and that you actually enjoy being around and you actually think is a good person isn't that more important than pursuing someone just
to be able to pull them a lot of us trick ourselves into liking someone or wanting someone because we feel like we can't have them it's this desirable thing it's the forbidden fruit it becomes more of a challenge rather than an experience with someone that you actually like dating someone or even being
friends with someone and just like having a relationship with someone should not be looked at as a challenge for you for you to convince them that you're worthy and they should like you like you shouldn't be getting off over the fact that you finally got someone to treat you right and that's exactly
what was happening in my past relationships these guys would treat me so badly and I would work so hard for them to treat me good and when they would be nice to me for like a day that was a win in my book.
I was like hell yeah I did that.
I'm deserving. They like me.
They think I'm pretty.
They want to you know hook up with me.
And I took that as a W.
When I should have never thought that way.
I shouldn't have to work to make someone respect me.
How someone perceives you does not matter.
How they treat you is what's important.
Are they treating you good?
Do you feel good? do you like how this person makes you feel and also stop worrying so much about does this person like me do you like that person like stop worrying so much about do they think I'm beautiful do they think I'm sexy do they think I'm smart do they think I'm funny do you think they're
any of those things do you even like them or are you more worried about if they like you something that I had to come to terms with and ask myself is do I even like this person do I even want to be with this person or is this more about myself and like more about validation for myself am I trying to
prove something to myself if they were nice to me from the get -go if they never cheated on me if they never made me question my worth would I even like them or want to be with them or am I only trying to be with them to prove to myself that I didn't deserve to be cheated on and that I'm beautiful and I'm
smart and I'm all these things and that I can pull them?
Am I trying to validate my own worth?
Something that's also really difficult to ask yourself when you're in a situationship or relationship with someone who isn't necessarily the best is kind of mistreating you but you really like them or you really love them is asking yourself am I being realistic or am I romanticizing the situation am
I romanticizing the relationship am I making it better than it actually is in my head am I making them out to be a better person than they actually are because that's what was happening to me I was with these douchebags and it seemed like everyone even my dad knew that they were douchebags but I was like
well no like they're great you just like you don't see the side of them that I do you know he sent me a good morning message and we haven't fought in like a week and he complimented me like the bare minimum I'd be like well he's a really good guy and everyone's like no he's not unfortunately it takes
some people a really long time to see the real character of someone it takes them being out of the relationship to be like oh yeah he has a douchebag but something that has been helpful for me and for other people is if you're in the situation ask yourself if this was just a random person that I didn't
have feelings for would I like them like looking at this person what do I like about them if I was their co -worker if I just bumped into them at a party would I want to hang around them would I want to be their friend if someone were to say to you you remind me a lot of this person would that be an insult
or a compliment if in another lifetime you were to run into this person no strings attached no emotions attached they're the same person though and you realize they're not kind they're not funny they're not loyal they're not honest they're not a good person why would you want to date them in this lifetime
time this episode is sponsored by better help so many people are focused on giving back to their loved ones and wanting to take care of them and they often forget to give the same energy to themselves this february take some time to take care of yourself and show yourself love one of the best ways to
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give them advice and take time out of our busy schedules to see them, but sometimes we fall short on ourselves.
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Therapy is really great if you just need to unload how you feel, if you want to learn more about how life events have shaped you, how to cope in a healthy way, or if you just want life advice and guidance i definitely want to get back into therapy this year and if you want to give therapy a try too
you can do it with better help visit betterhelp .com slash tntc today to get 10 off your first month that's betterhelp .com slash tntc now let's get back to today's episode i think asking yourself these questions are so important like asking yourself do i feel safe sharing things with this person do i
feel heard do i feel understood do they respect my boundaries do we share similar beliefs and values like these are all important things in any relationship like you wouldn't want to be friends with someone who doesn't have the same beliefs as you or total polar opposite beliefs as you you want to want
to be friends with someone who is rude to you and leaves you out and talks badly about you you wouldn't want to be friends with someone who goes and spreads your secrets to everyone so if you wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that, why would you want to be dating someone like that?
Also asking yourself like how do I feel around this person?
Do I feel energized or do I feel drained when I'm around them?
Do I feel attractive in their presence?
Do they excite me? Do they bore me?
Like dating is supposed to be exciting.
Marriage is supposed to be exciting.
This is the love of your life.
This is your partner.
you're not supposed to settle especially not settle for someone who treats you like shit it's also not all about how that person makes you feel it could also be do i see a long -term healthy future with this person does this person bring something to the table that i'm looking for emotions aside is this person able
to provide me what i want what i'm looking for because when it really comes down to it yeah this person can be a match made in heaven emotionally you guys could really get down to it really get to know each other just connect on a soul level and be like twin flames but still want different things in your
life you might want to settle down and this person might be like I really love you and I really care about you but I don't want an exclusive relationship I'm so young I want to explore my 20s and yeah obviously there's the part of you that's like that's selfish that's fucked up fuck you but if they're
being honest with you and they're not stringing you along you can't really be mad you could be hurt but you can't really be mad because it's their life and they're being honest and you just have to accept that you want different things you can't expect people to change their mind if someone's telling
you I want something different than you I'm not changing my mind I'm not budging you need to look at that and say okay well am I going to change my mind without resenting them or do I need to change my plan do I need to change my person you might want kids one day and you've met someone who's the best
person ever they're so good to you they're so sweet you're so in love but they're like I'm never going to want kids they told you right when you got into a relationship I do not want kids and that's something that you're going to have to accept if you want to be with me because I'm not going to have kids.
You can't stay in that relationship hoping that they're going to change their mind.
Of course they might, but you can't expect them to.
And you can't hold that against them.
It's either you change your mind or you change your plan.
And that goes for anything.
That goes for marriage.
That goes for where you want to live.
Just if you have different lifestyles, you can't expect that person to change.
So you have to be really honest with yourself.
Does this person want the same things as me?
Or am I going to have to sacrifice myself for this person and am I okay with that?
It's so easy to lose sight of yourself when you're with someone especially when that person isn't willing to compromise with you.
It's like their way or the highway and when you love someone so much and you're attached to that relationship you kind of feel like I would rather be a stranger to myself with you than be without you and have you be a stranger to me.
That's why you see these girls lose their friends and ghost their friends when they get into relationships because they become so focused on making their partner happy and making the relationship work especially when their partner's like I don't like your friends or I don't like when you go out and party
and I don't like when you do this so that person drops everything that makes them them they drop their hobbies their passions their friends just everything that makes them happy because they're like well i want to make this relationship work and this relationship makes me the happiest when in reality
the relationship is making them miserable you don't need to sacrifice yourself for anyone there is no relationship other than like a parent to a child that requires you to give up things for another individual no significant other of yours or a friend of yours or someone who just like wants the best
for you and loves you is going to make you give up yourself for them they're not going to make you sacrifice things about you that make you you to make the relationship with them work like obviously it's annoying when golf season comes around and my fiancee wants to golf all the fucking time but I'm
never going to expect him to give up that hobby of his for me I'm not gonna be like it's either golf or me and honestly if I did say that he'd be like well golf like honestly but I would never do that and he would never expect me to stop posting on like social media for him he wouldn't be like well
it's either the podcast or me we'd never do that to each other we know how important these things are and that they make us us and I love him for him and he loves me for me so it's like why would I want him to stop doing things that make him him like that's what I love about him.
I love these things about him.
And these are things that he loves about me.
My ex -boyfriend would be like, you can't post on Instagram.
If you post that photo, we're done.
And the thing is, I would stop posting those things for him.
Because I thought if I did that, it would just smooth over the relationship and he'd be nice to me and everything would be okay.
But even when I did what he wanted, he still wasn't nice to me.
It was one thing after another of you can't do this, you can't do that.
Until I was giving everything that I had to a person who didn't even want me.
Someone who wants you for you, loves you for you, who sees you for you, is never going to make you shut those parts of you off or give up things to make them happy.
You being happy makes them happy.
The last thing that I want to talk about for this episode is how you can uphold yourself in a relationship or when you're in a situationship.
Because like I said, it's so easy to lose yourself trying to get someone like you or trying to keep a relationship from falling apart.
when feelings are involved and you're attached to someone and you feel like it's this relationship or nothing like I'm nothing without this person it's so easy to lose yourself the first thing you need to remember is your value is not determined by relationship just because a guy doesn't want to be
exclusive with you and only wants to be friends with benefits doesn't mean that you're not deserving of love it doesn't mean that you're not a relationship kind of girl It doesn't mean that you're lacking something because he doesn't want to wife you up.
And just because a guy does want to wife you up and wants to be exclusive with you and doesn't want to be with someone else and chose you over that person doesn't mean you're better than that person.
Men do not assign value to women.
You and that other girl are both incredible and has nothing to do with him.
You guys are not in competition.
He doesn't get to say, well, I think you're hotter, so you're better.
I think you have more to offer so you're better your value is not determined by that person after my ex and I broke up I would often find myself romanticizing our relationship like even though there were a lot of bad parts I would overlook them and think to the beginning of the relationship or like
the honeymoon phase and be like he was so in love with me he was so nice to me he would tell me how beautiful i am how special i am he would write long paragraphs to me i'm never gonna find that again no one's ever going to feel that way that he did about me and i was essentially crediting who i am
to him i was saying no one's ever going to think i'm as beautiful as he did no one's ever going to think i'm as amazing as he did but the truth is I was beautiful and I was amazing and I had nothing to do with him he didn't make me beautiful he didn't make me amazing I am those things he just got the chance
to experience those things he didn't give me my light I am the light and that doesn't just go away because that person does just because that person stops affirming those things doesn't mean those things are now not true to you I saw this video on TikTok like a month ago and it was this girl and her
I assume now ex at dinner and she's like laughing and being really bubbly and he's kind of just there and the caption on the video was like I don't understand how we can go from this to you wanting nothing to do with me how could you go from being so in love with me like look how in love you are here
to nothing and when you look at the video it's like she is there this beautiful girl laughing bringing all the energy and he's literally just there like smiling at her it's just so obvious looking at the video of like no like you were the light babe like he was just there and he amplified it you're
romanticizing this person you're being like oh well we have this beautiful relationship it's so amazing and it's like well no you are amazing you are the light and he is just there observing it you're crediting them for your beauty you're being there being like well they made me laugh they made me happy they
made me feel beautiful no you're capable of all of that without them they don't make you a bubbly person they don't make you a kind person they don't make that out of you.
It is there with or without them.
And honestly, if I'm being really, really honest, it's going to be there 10 times stronger without them.
Think about when you get dressed up for a night out and you do your makeup and you do your hair and everything's just coming together beautifully.
You're having one of those nights where you're like, I'm the hottest person alive.
You're taking a million photos.
You're like, hell yeah.
Like, I am so sexy.
I look amazing and you go out with your girlfriends and you're in a bar full of people that you don't know and no one compliments you do you feel less beautiful because no one complimented you no you don't expect anyone to compliment you you don't know these people you don't know them and you feel good
you know you look good so that's not going to make you feel any less beautiful obviously it feels good when someone does compliment you obviously it would feel good if someone came up to you and was like you are the most gorgeous person i've ever seen But with or without that, you know, you look hot.
That's the same thing with dating.
Just because a person tells you that you are beautiful and that you are special and that you are one of a kind and you're all these things, it feels good and you want them to tell you those things.
But just because they don't or just because they stop doesn't mean that you shouldn't still feel all those things about yourself.
It doesn't mean that you stop being beautiful.
It doesn't mean that you stop being special.
as long as you feel confident in yourself you will feel beautiful one of the most important things that you can do in your lifetime probably the most important thing is have a solid secure relationship with yourself learn to love yourself learn to trust yourself have a strong connection with yourself
that no one can break it think about like your ride or die best friend you do anything for them you have their back tenfold if someone were to come up to you and talk badly about your best friend to you you would shut that down you would say you're wrong as fuck that's my best friend don't talk about her
like that there's no wishy -washy of changing your mind about your best friend there's no turning your back on your best friend you are locked in for life with her that's your girl you need to be that way with yourself so no matter what someone says to you no matter what someone does to you you can't
change your mind about you they can't make you feel worthless because you know your value and you know you're that girl the second thing to remember is do not give up yourself for anyone but especially not for someone who wouldn't give up their phone passcode for you and I say that in a silly way but it's
also like why am I giving up my friends my hobbies my interests why am i giving up my fashion why am i staying in on a friday night why am i missing parties why am i giving up my life for someone who wouldn't even give me their passcode if i asked why am i giving that up for someone who puts their phone
face down when we're hanging out who puts their phone on the charger in the other room every single time And we hang out so I don't see their phone.
Why am I giving up so much for someone who would do that to me?
I remember my freshman year of college.
I was dating my ex -boyfriend.
And he had gone to the grocery store somewhere.
And he had left his phone in his bedroom where I happened to be.
And his phone was unlocked.
So naturally, I went ahead and snooped.
Because I had a little inkling that something was going on.
Am I proud of snooping?
everything yeah I am proud because I knew something was going on that he wasn't ever going to tell me about and lo and behold there was a bunch of FaceTimes from a girl that he definitely shouldn't have been FaceTiming so when he got back home I confronted him and I was like what is this and instead
of explaining himself and apologizing it was you're invading my privacy this is my phone this is my friend this is my life and not your business and looking back on it it's like okay that's your life and that's all of your business but when it comes to my life my life's also yours everything that's
mine is also yours my friends are yours what I do with my free time is yours you get to tell me how I live my life and what I do but when I say why are you talking to this girl that you spoke to before we were dating why are you facetiming her now it's a you're in my you're invading my privacy you're
all in my business me asking you to not speak to a girl because it seems disrespectful to me is an invasion of space and that's me being crazy but then I'm just expected to give up everything for you like I said before someone who actually wants to be with you and likes you for you is going to see you
as you are and like you because of that.
They're going to see your passions.
They're going to see your interests.
They're going to see your friends.
They're going to see what you do in your spare time and how you like to dress and just everything that you are and be like, that's fucking awesome.
I love that. They're not going to say, I don't like that.
So if you want to be with me, you need to lose that.
Do not lose yourself for another person.
Hang on to everything that makes you you.
Hang on to those friends because you know damn well that they're going to be there when things go ugly with that person.
Hang on to your hobbies because you know damn well when that person walks away, you can still go and film a video or, I don't know, knit a blanket.
Hang on to that music because you know damn well when you go through a breakup with that person, the lyrics are going to get you through it.
If someone tries to make you choose between them or the things that make you happy and make you you there's an obvious choice and that choice is you it's always you and then the third thing to remember is your time and energy is valuable and if they don't respect it they don't get access to it this is another
thing that i wish i could go back and tell my high school self because i just allowed people to walk all over me and treat me so poorly because i like them or i wanted them and I was attached to them I wanted it to work so badly that I thought the more that I tell them I want them to treat me better
and the longer I stick around eventually they will I thought well this person's telling me they love me and that they're sorry so they must mean they are and that they do but words without actions mean nothing you know like I would be so confused how someone could say that they love me so much, but then
they could just go behind my back and hook up with another girl and forget about me.
And it would hurt so bad.
But I would think like, well, they do love me though.
If they didn't love me, they would just break up with me and go be with that girl, but they're not.
So they must want to be with me.
And it's like, no, no.
I wish I could go back to freshman year Ashley and tell her like the reason that this guy is still dating you even though he's cheating on you is because he's not facing any consequences yes you scold him you tell him he's fucked up but then nothing changes so he gets to have his cake and eat it too
that's a lesson I wish I learned so much earlier on in life that when you stand on business and you do what you say you're going to do and you remove yourself from a situation when someone hurts you that's when they take you seriously someone is not going to take you seriously if you say to them you
crossed a boundary but i'm not going to do anything because they're not facing a consequence they're not losing you if i had said to that ex you cheated on me and that's it i'm done you lost me and i actually walked away and i stopped talking to him there's a higher chance that he might have been like
oh fuck i fucked up i need to change if i want ashley he probably wouldn't have because he was just a little man whore.
But if you don't stand on business and remove yourself when someone disrespects you, they're just going to continue disrespecting you.
It doesn't mean that you deserve the disrespect.
It doesn't mean that you deserved what they did to you.
But the longer you stay around and you allow it, the more the behavior continues.
You don't deserve to be treated badly.
You don't deserve the disrespect.
But sometimes we accept the love we think we deserve and that's why we continue to get it.
If you tell yourself I deserve someone who only wants me, who only has eyes for me, who is good to me, you won't allow any less than that.
So if someone's disrespecting you and not treating you the way that you deserve, don't allow it.
Cut them off or at least until they show you that they can give you what you deserve.
You can't force someone to treat you right but you can decide to leave when we're in love when we have a crush or just when our ego is threatened we kind of lose our minds and we kind of feel out of control but that couldn't be further from the truth you always are in control you always have a choice
it might not be the choice that you want but you always have a choice and I just want this episode to be a reminder that like no you can't control how someone treats you you can't control how someone views you you can't force anyone to give you what you want or be the person that you want them to be
but you always have control over how you go about things you still have control over how you view yourself and you have control over who is and isn't in your life i know that it can be so confusing and heartbreaking when someone that you have such strong feelings for isn't giving you what you're giving
them. But don't let that make you question your worth and if you should be giving them more.
Like don't try to overcompensate by giving someone everything that's giving you nothing.
Someone who isn't able to recognize what you bring to the table doesn't deserve to be given more someone who's closing themselves off to you isn't a sign for you to open yourself up more and just pour everything you have into them and if you do feel like that's what's happening and you feel inclined
to do that that's a sign that it's time for you to pour more love into yourself that's like the biggest sign that you need more you time you need to focus on you you need to turn your attention from them to you.
And the more that you give yourself, the less that you're going to feel like you need to give to them.
I hope that this episode was just like your big sister being like, okay, girl, it's time to stand up.
It's time to stop giving these people so much power over you.
I hope that you liked today's episode and I hope that you have the most incredible valentine's day whether you're celebrating with your loved one or your friends having a galentine's day or you just dedicate the day to yourself and you go and buy yourself flowers and you take yourself on a date and you
get yourself a coffee and you do a self -care day and you just relax and watch your favorite show you are so deserving of all the love that you want to give to other people don't let other people and how they treat you make you want to close off and not give any love give it to yourself and if you're
listening to this episode past valentine's day the same thing applies just give back to yourself love yourself because you're deserving of it you're the most deserving and i love you so i hope you enjoyed today's episode if you want to follow me on my social media my instagram is at ashley corbo tiktok's
ashley c corbo my youtube's ashley corbo 444 everything's in the show notes as always thank you so much for listening to today's episode I love you so much and I will talk to you next Monday thank you for listening to me and my very raspy voice I had such a good time okay love you
