Sound check, are you checking?
Shoot me down, but I won't fall.
I'm titanium.
Okay, sound is checking.
Let's talk detachment.
The question is, how do I stop caring so much?
How do I stop obsessing?
How do I create distance between myself and those people and him and her and them?
Bebe, you are asking the wrong question.
You don't have a caring problem.
It's a foundation problem.
And you can't 48 laws of power your way out of a foundational problem.
Listen, we are humans.
And contrary to the wiles of some emotionally destitute people who talk about attachment and detachment with this extreme way where it's like, oh yeah, you should never be attached to anything.
Listen, we are humans, we are wired for bonding, we are wired for connection.
Connection has never been and will never be weakness.
It is biological, it's evolution, and trying to fight it is lame.
Okay, l-a-m-e lime.
As someone who doesn't like over complicating concepts, healthy adult attachment is simply fondness.
Okay, that's all all these extra things that people are pulling from the skies and from the sea, it's just fondness.
You like somebody, you love somebody.
Okay, like i like this community, I love this community, which is why I keep showing up.
You have affection for them.
The minute it becomes anything else, you are leaving biology and evolution and moving into an unhealthy relational dynamic where it stops being genuine fondness and starts being about survival.
We're not talking about childhood attachment, because there's a whole area about it, when a child needs attachment at that age for survival.
So the problem is not that you are attached.
The problem is that you have crossed the line where the other person stops being a person and starts being a requirement.
And for whatever reason, you know your reason.
You're no longer choosing them from a place of fullness, but clinging to them from a place of lack.
And if you just pause honestly, if you just pause for a moment and examine the shift within you, you will find the same issue that a lot of us tend to have, which is that without this relationship, without a connection like this,
Without this person, whatever this person represents for me, without it, I do not know who I am.
I don't know what I am.
I don't know where to go from here.
I'm telling you, this is literally the underlying diagnosis for most things when it comes to detachment and leaving things and going away from terrible situations and cutting off and moving away from relationships that are hurting you.
A lot of the times, this is the underlying diagnosis.
Because one thing about me, I'll tell you this, I like getting to the root of things.
There's no need, you know, trimming the symptoms and just going around the symptoms.
It will just keep going around in circles.
I like looking, you know, digging for the root of something.
You're literally using somebody else as a lifeline.
And that's a question I want you to ask yourself.
Quick thing, my loves, if you like what I share on here, you should be subscribed to my newsletter.
Hello.
Because why not?
I talk to you quite often on there.
Number two.
If you want deeper and more structured guidance for me, I made the Reclaim practice just for you.
Three deep guided workbooks.
You can find them at the neurocosmic.com.
All the links are in the description.
Go take a look.
Okay, moving on.
And that's the question I want you to ask yourself.
Whenever you are struggling to detach, whatever situation you find yourself in, be honest.
Ask yourself, is this a connection or is this a lifeline?
Oh, the clarity that comes with this question.
Because connection is straightforward.
Let's be honest.
What is connection?
It's simply, I genuinely like this person, okay?
I love this thing, this person.
I love them so much.
I'm so curious about them.
Their presence makes my life better.
It brightens the world.
I love all these things about them.
And in the same breath, If I had to live without them, I can.
Will I be happy that I have to live without them?
No, I will grieve it.
I'll be sad, but I will survive.
I will remain.
I will not disappear.
And then the lifeline.
On the other hand, you're like, oh my God, you know, I can't live without this person.
Your entire mood depends on how they react.
If they say something wrong, that's it.
Your day has destroyed.
You can't move on.
Your life has fallen apart.
If their body language is different, so it feels like you're enmeshed, like you're one with this person.
Everything they do affects how you move through the world.
When people talk about detachment or struggling to leave things, it's always, oh yeah, like I.
Just, you know, i kind of struggle with detachment.
I'm just like i just really have a tough time with leaving people.
Oh my god, i'm so soft, i care too much.
Girl, when you say it like that, it sounds cute.
Honestly, if you think about it, and i've thought about this deeply, it's an emergency and i'll, and i'll paint you a picture so you see what i'm saying.
Imagine that you, you put your hand on a hot stove.
The normal reaction, the healthy reaction, will be to pull back immediately because it's hot.
So that's your reflex reaction.
Imagine that you're standing in a room and you watch somebody put their hand on a hot stove and, instead of reflexively pulling back, they stand there and leave their hands on the hot stove.
Everybody in that room will agree that something is deeply the matter.
Every single person will agree okay, nobody will look at them and be like, oh my gosh, they just struggle to put their hand off the stove.
No, it makes no sense to look at somebody who you found in that position leaving their hand on a hot stove.
You're going girl, Like oh, you should have just not walked up to the stove.
Girl, you should have just sat away from the stove.
I didn't know you were drawn to hot stoves.
Oh, girl, avoid hot stoves, okay?
No.
The question is, why is it that in the presence of a hot stove, They couldn't pull away.
Something is not clicking somewhere.
So most likely if I was in a room like that, I would run and push the person off the stove.
For somebody to find themselves in a situation that is literally a hot stove.
And instead of flinching and moving themselves away, they stay in it.
There's something foundational wrong.
That's where you have to find the answer.
So maybe they're going to go see a neurologist.
Something has failed.
Maybe there's something deeply traumatic there.
The point is you start looking at the foundation.
Everything is symptomatic.
It's all treating the symptoms.
Oh, girl, avoid hot stoves.
You want hot stoves.
It's not funny.
It's an emergency.
That's how I see it.
I don't play games for a reason.
Listen, I am a very empathetic person.
I feel everything.
I will never in my life try not to feel.
That will kill me.
The advice to, you know, do this and do that, try to hold back a bit.
It's counterintuitive for somebody like me who actually cares, who actually loves.
I helped myself when I realized that my empathy was not an issue.
Something was leaking.
Something was unbalanced.
There was an imbalance somewhere.
And I went and treated and looked into that imbalance.
I'm going to sound like a broken record.
You might not like what I'm about to say.
But the ability to detach from experiences you no longer want to have Whether that's people places, things is a byproduct of building something inside yourself that is more valuable to you than any external source of validation.
The work for detachment begins way before you find yourself in situations that require it.
So what do we do?
If you want to master detachment, you can do so by building the thing that produces it, which is self-knowledge and self-respect.
I know.
I know, my love, I know, I know.
You know, when I opened up my Ask Me Anything form, this was months ago when I did my first season of TMBS.
This might be a spell.
I got over 1000 questions.
And yes, I loved answering those questions and season two will come sometime in the future but when i went through those questions, what i was thinking was the answer, and this is actually why i thought about doing a video like this sometime.
The answers to most of those questions bow down to this in one form or the other self-knowledge and consequent self-respect, Them mothers, them goddesses them gods, them masters, the seers and the poets of the past.
They never lied.
And you can do it.
Yeah, you don't need to be special.
No, because it always happens.
You know, it's something i've.
I've seen a lot now that i've opened myself up to the public.
I've heard it in my personal life too.
It's a very weird thing when people see somebody who does really hard things okay and i'm speaking from experience okay people start saying things like yeah, you know, but you know you're different.
Oh, you're just.
You know you.
You have an above average confidence.
Your way of seeing the world means that you're quite different.
So maybe what you do is unattainable, child.
It's not unattainable, okay?
Maybe I'm different.
Maybe I'm any, all these things you say.
But it's so interesting to me that, when it comes to doing hard things, it's easier to fall on the laziest option, which is to consider it unattainable.
Because if it's unattainable, you don't have to work for it.
You don't have to try.
But if it's aspirational, you have to do the work.
You think every time I walked away from things, I was smiling.
I was walking away going, ah, Pearl, you gorgeous, gorgeous girl.
No, I was walking away in tears.
My body was aching.
I was crying in pain, but I walked away.
Okay, and I'll tell you how I'm able to walk away no matter what.
This is how I've been able to do it.
I keep a list.
Yes, I keep a gazillion list, to be fair, but I keep a very, very specific list called what Pearl genuinely likes and what Pearl genuinely dislikes and hates.
What Pearl detests.
This list is real, a list that i have and internal.
This list is part of my way of treating myself as a separate entity.
I talked about being a separate entity in last week's video, so if you don't get the concept, go and watch it.
But I have this list because it makes me somebody that I relate to.
Things that make me feel alive.
The things that I refuse to tolerate.
The things that cost me.
The things that have cost me before.
Okay?
I know these things.
When you know yourself this specifically, you develop something.
Something so important, very simple, yet so powerful.
Objectivity.
Yes.
Objectivity does not need games.
Objectivity does not need planning and chess.
Objectivity does not need you to be a player.
Objectivity does not need you to know the game, to know the ins and outs, and to be better at poker.
Objectivity does not need any of these things.
With objectivity, you have the ability to step back far enough to see a situation as it is, not as your fears and your pride and your ego and your wounds and your feelings want it to be.
Objectivity makes detachment practical.
Right now, when you are consumed by somebody or something, you are operating entirely from your feelings.
And yes, feelings are valid.
Of course, they are real.
Come on.
But feelings are not the whole picture.
Objectivity gives you a second position, where you are not only feeling, but you are also watching yourself feel.
And from that watching position you can now ask Pearl girl is this about this person or is this about something older?
And this is where you're like, ah, it's that pattern showing up again.
Okay, is this experience showing up again?
This thing that has been running my life, this thing, you know the stuff.
Objectivity will bring you to the point where you're like, ah, ah, this is in love.
Oh my God, this is fear.
Oh, okay, I'm afraid, I'm afraid.
And then with self-respect.
When you have that self-respect merged with this subjectivity, all your relationships, all the people begin to be sifted through, your likes and your dislikes.
You know that you are an independent person whose likes and dislikes exist, independent of any relationship or any connection.
Your set of preferences, your values, your non-negotiables okay.
These things belong to you and you know that anything That does not fit into your list.
Nah, nah, nah.
Nah, nah, nah.
Because remember, that's your core list.
When you notice you're abandoning your own needs.
You're lying about what you need, abandoning your preferences.
You're doing emotional labor for free in 2026.
Have you seen the economy?
In every country of the world, you're working for free.
Girl.
Boy.
Oh, when you find yourself doing it, you look in your list and it's not on your list.
Working for free is not on your list.
You have a financial goal, but you're not being paid and you've been working overtime.
Ah, come on.
Oh, my gosh.
That list pulls you back into objectivity immediately.
You're not trying to detach.
You just detach.
You detach because you've built the self that is worth more than any feeling in the world.
It's foundational, babe.
I'm telling you them ancient knowledge, mothers and goddesses, the gods, the poets and the soothsayers and the seers, they never lied.
It's about self-mastery, self-knowledge, self-respect.
I'd be vanishing so quickly.
I'd be vanishing.
I'd be like, pew, out immediately because Pearl don't play that shit.
And I know her well enough to respect her.
Come on.
Come on.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.
That's all right, cause I love the way you lie.
Love the way you lie.
