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Get excited for some of the weirdest and funniest stories from the StoryPirates archives and this week they're all about farts.
Coming up right after a few words for the grownups.
I'm very different from everybody.
Confusion is the step before curiosity.
Okay, that's a really funny idea.
We have to send that in.
I just get some joy when I hear other people giggling.
I believe all of the things in my story.
Human beings are just able to create.
the story pirates. Welcome back to story pirates, dee cawprits, where we celebrate our favorite and weirdest stories from the story pirates archives.
And today's dee cawprits are all about farts because of course, February 18th was one of the most sacred of all story pirates holidays.
that's right, Fart Out Loud Day.
So in celebration, we thought, how about we do some more farting?
But first, let's get even weirder and funnier than just a normal fart.
Like how about a mountain fart?
This first story has exactly that.
And here's the author to introduce it.
Hi. I'm Hannah. I'm nine years old, and I live in Virginia.
This is my story, Mountain Fart.
Ah, another beautiful morning as Mayor of Mountain Town, Virginia.
Time to make the rounds.
Good Morning, citizens.
Good Morning, Mayor.
Wow, our mayor is so engaged.
He makes me feel valued as a constituent.
Good morning, birds.
Good morning, mountain.
We named the town after the mountain.
Isn't that right, Mountain?
Totally! Everyone feels valued in Mountain Town, Virginia because I'm the mayor that cares.
Time to go to my office.
Good morning, office.
Good morning, mayor.
Good morning, uh...
whoa! Who are you? How did you get into my office?
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Dr. Granite, an expert in geology and mountains.
Oh of course, Dr. Your Emmet Granite, the eccentric geologist, what brings you to my humble mountain town?
It's the mountain, mare.
Oh, no. It's on the verge of something awful.
A cloud of ash so dense it blocks out the sun?
No. An eruption of hot lava?
Worse. The ski lift is closed?
No, no, not that bad.
Oh phew, that's a relief.
No. Your mountain… is ready… to fart.
Mountains can fart?
Oh... oh my, yes. Oh, no!
Those winds! That rumbling!
We don't have much time!
Doctor, how much time do we have?
Mountain farts are difficult to predict.
Some are loud and boisterous, others silent...
but deadly. Oh no, a mountain is about to blow!
Oh, dear! Here it comes!
Ahhhh! Huh. That didn't sound so bad.
Hmm, no, I don't smell anything.
See, Dr. Granite, nothing to worry.
Whoa, there it is. Oh, that smell!
Woof! It's like broccoli but in a microwave made of sulfur.
Dr. Granite, look, your skin is turning green.
Your skin is turning green, too!
We have to warn the people!
panic in the streets today after the mountain town mountain has farted.
The National Guard has been mobilized.
We now go live to Kathy on the scene.
Kathy? Thanks, Shannon.
Mountain town has been fumigated with a thick layer of gas.
All roads out of town are clogged.
Kathy, is there any truth to the rumor that whomever smelt it dealt it?
We have heard that rumor, Shannon, although some say that whoever denied it supplied it.
Another citizen told me quote whoever said the rhyme committed the crime Shannon fascinating stuff Thank you, Kathy more on this story as it develops Attention mayor we have 5 ,000 troops each with a candle at the ready Thank You general a match team is inbound awaiting your order to strike the situation is dire general What hope do you think we have only a fool's hope mayor?
What am I doing? When all hope is lost, the smart move is to shut down the government!
What? Why? What's the point?
Nothing can stop the mountain fart cloud.
Tell your team to stand down and disperse those candles to the people.
They'll need them. Surely no one will show up at the last possible moment to save us now.
Someone call the Sewer Company?
What?! No! Who are you?!
Hey! I'm Mike the Plumber with the Sewer Company.
How you doing? Pretty bad.
Yeah, I heard you got a gassy mountain letting one rip, you know what I'm saying?
Why yes. You know, cutting the cheese?
I get it. The sulfur Samba, a worse smelling burp.
The devil's trumpet.
I haven't heard that one, that's fun.
An air biscuit? Enough!
What brings you here?
Turns out I can help you!
You can? Hey, wait a minute.
Your skin isn't green.
Hey you work with the sewer company as long as I have, your sense of smell can take a few hits.
Well how do you propose we save everyone?
Hey, I'm Mike the plumber, just leave it to me.
All right, first thing is got to dig a hole!
In the middle of the street!
Then divert the flow of gas with some new copper pipe.
Why copper? Why not?
Then we'll just turn the valve and release the steam.
The stink! It's fading!
Welp, that should do it.
My hero! The town is saved!
Yeah! Well done, Mayor.
Dr. Granite, where did you come from?
I was using your toilet.
And my professional opinion, you should not go in there.
Ugh. The end! Welcome back to Story Pirates, Decorts.
I don't know about you, but that last story makes me realize just how beautiful nature is.
Our wonderful planet is just full of animals, plants, and even mountains just farting it up.
It's beautiful. Now, I have a question for you.
Why do you think that farts are so funny to us?
I have a theory about this.
I think it's the sound of the farts.
Sure, it's funny that they stink, and it's even pretty funny that they come out of butts.
But without the sound of a fart, I think the other elements just wouldn't really matter and to prove it, this next story is only really about the sound of a fart and I still think it's pretty funny.
So there you go. And it's a really dee -caw from way, way, way, way, way back to our live radio show days.
From a second grader named Liam, here's this is National Whoopie Cushion Day in a galaxy!
In a galaxy that is out of this one there was a world called Whoopie Cushion World and in that world there was a town called Whoopie Cushion Town Where there were very few holidays.
All right, kids, we will now stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.
I pledge allegiance, to the flag of Whoopie -Cushion World.
One cushion, under bottom.
Inflatable, with air and fart sounds for all.
All right kids, everyone take your seats.
Okay, now why was there a Whoopie -Cushion on my chair?
We all have whoopee cushions on our chairs.
We live in Whoopee Cushion Town!
Oh, right! Sometimes, I forget where it is that I live.
Now anyways, today's lesson is on Whoopee Cushion World History.
Oh, my! It's recess already!
How the time flies!
All right, everyone!
Head on out to the playground!
Hey guys, I sure do love recess.
Yeah, it's like a little holiday from school.
Man, I wish it were a real holiday, you know.
That lasted all day.
You said it! We hardly have any real holidays here in Whoopee Cushion town.
You said it! In fact, I'd say that we don't have much fun things to do at all.
Guys! I just had an amazing idea.
What?! We should create our own holiday, get a big meeting and present it to the mayor!
Yeah! Let's go! Later that day at the mayor's!
Yeah, I don't know why he called the mayor's.
I don't know why he called the mayor's.
I don't know why he called the mayor's.
I don't know why he called the mayor's.
I don't know why he called the mayor's.
He's meeting. Thank you, thank you very much everyone, you may be seated.
Walloping wind bags, what was that?
Sir, all of our chairs have whoopee cushions on them.
Oh that's right, this is whoopee cushion town, I forgot.
Gets me every time.
Anyway, we are all here today to hear a proposal from some whoopee cushion town students, in regards to there not being enough holidays.
Are those kids present?
Yes sir. Alright then, step up to the microphone and stage your case.
Cuckoo, no, I'm leaving you I will do it Mr. Mayor, I think we should have one more holiday Order I say very well we shall put it to a vote all those in favor And all those opposed It looks like the yays have it I declare today a new holiday This hearing is adjourned Wait!
We forgot to name the holiday!
Great, gaseous, ghost. She's right!
Everyone sit back down!
All right, kid, what do you have to say?
Sir, I propose that we call the holiday Whoopee Kushin Day!
I know! All right, settle down!
Settle down! We'll put this to a vote!
All those in favor?
And all those opposed?
Fart. What was that?
I left my whoopee cushion at home.
I've got my eyes on you.
Fart. Then the yeas have it!
I declare to -day whoopee cushion day!
YAYYY! This hearing is adjourned.
So that day all the citizens of whoopee cushion town brought together all their whoopee cushions, cut them up, and then with the pieces made one giant whoopee cushion.
All right, citizens on the count of three.
We're all gonna jump on this single giant whoopee cushion We'll be right back after a few words for the grown -up You chose to hit play on this podcast today.
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Oh hey! Welcome back.
We've got time for one more DEECOM, about farts.
And OK, let's face it, this one is not a DEECOM.
it's very much a sheldon car meaning we all already love it and know it but we can't have an episode about farts without it so get ready to sing and fart along here's the author to introduce it Hey where you can fart out loud you don't have to be inrin?
Happy Fart Out Loud Day!
You can't just let out and have fun at the same time Everything was normal at the park until someone ate and then everybody sat Did somebody just fart?
I think it was the little girl.
And then everybody stared.
Which is what always happens when somebody farts out loud in public.
But instead of saying excuse me, the little girl who farted just gave a big smile and shouted out loud happy Fart Out Loud Day.
In a day where you can fart out loud, you don't have to be embarrassed.
Happy Fart Out Loud day.
You can just let it out and have fun at the same time.
Yeah, same day at the mechanical center.
The doctor ordered.
And the results of your test are.
Pfft. Pfft. Blood pressure's normal.
She farted like 18 million times.
That's just my big ol' old times, and it fires like a fire in history.
And the regrets she was done.
She fought it for him born, and she didn't have to worry, caused a brain just helping to be Happy, Fought Out Loud day Today's the day where you can let it out.
You don't have to hold it in.
Happy, Fought Out Loud day Parents, teachers, boys, and girls, yeah, everybody get the two.
You see in school on Fought Out Loud day, the government requires schools to teach students about, well, farts.
Social studies Read Ben Franklin's letter.
Fart proudly, which is all about Fart.
Fart. How and why do we fart?
Language arts. Write about how you feel when you fart.
Math. Chart the frequency of Farts.
Scam. On a program or robot to make Fart sounds.
Spanish. Por favor de repetir en Españort.
Tomás se tiró un pedo en la biblioteca.
Tomás se tiró un pedo en la biblioteca.
You can call it Folds for short National Fart Out Loud Day Call it Folds for short You can also call it Folds for short You can call it Folds for short It makes school more fun and enjoyable on that day Call it Folds for short Don't tell me what to do, backup singers Although Fart Out Loud Day seems all happy and full of laughs, you have to remember there are downsides Don't forget about the people and the animals Who are hard to paint it's an issue 2 that day tonight and happy 4 doubled day!
Thanks for listening to today's episode!
We'll be back next week with another one for you.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind, bye!
