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I always find when I'm able to do it, by the end, I drop in in some way.
And I know I'm better for it, but it's the practice part that's hard for me.
Well, but the practice part is what meditation is, right?
It's we practice because we forget.
Yeah. That's part of what the practice is about.
The practice is designed so that we remember what is already present, that awareness.
I think I have to unpack that.
Say that again? We practice to remember what is already present.
That's powerful. Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teacher on speed dial?
Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you could lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace.
Hi folks. here we are on this lovely crisp day with another episode of Dear Headspace, a podcast where each week I sit down with a Headspace meditation teacher and we answer your questions.
I am Robin Hopkins.
I'm a producer at Headspace.
I'm also your host today alongside one of our newest Headspace teachers, Rosie.
Hi, I'm Rosie, a mindfulness meditation teacher here at Headspace.
I've been teaching and studying mindfulness meditation for over 20 years, and it is not only a passion, it's also part of my North Star.
It's my purpose, and I love it so much.
If I wasn't a meditation teacher, I probably would be singing karaoke.
for fun. What's your go -to karaoke song?
I've been changing it every time, but Careless Whisper, George Michaels.
Well, obviously. Obviously.
The go -to. That's like the one that you only have one song to sing.
That's the one you're going to do.
So mine is Islands in the Stream.
And I'm going to do both parts.
That's right. And I'm going to do them badly.
Oh, I'm not saying I'm any good.
Let's get that clear.
I want everybody to know that coming from the...
My father's a mariachi singer.
So he is a professional singer.
And you don't have a voice?
Me? Yeah. Robin. So your dad like, what happened?
And the problem, here's the problem.
My dad was such a stage dad that when we were little, we would occasionally get on stage with him and sing a song, you know, and it was like a really cute thing that you do.
You might get us, you know, to do something.
But he was so very supportive, but very critical that there was a certain point where both my sister were like, we're out.
I don't want you to train me and both of us for very much.
This isn't fun. Yeah.
So you've just started at Headspace.
I don't know. How long have you been here?
I think it's been like a month.
Okay. So how's it going?
It's going well. I love it.
I've been such a Headspace user and just lover of content for years.
I mean, I read Andy's book when it came out, one of the first ones, and I just loved it so much.
I love the approachable nature of what headspace means and what it's about.
And I really love that, especially coming from a similar background and being able to study mindfulness in a way that was approachable for somebody like me, right?
So I was trying to manifest this since I started teaching.
So it's almost like a dream job.
I don't know that anybody here realizes what a big deal this is for me, but it's huge.
and I love it and I'm so excited.
So it's going well.
That's awesome. And you know, you really hit on something like with the approachable.
I was thinking, as you were saying that, I was thinking the word approachable because I'm new to the meditation world really.
I always say like, I'm trying.
I'm trying to implement it in my life and I do find it very approachable.
Yeah. And that's actually the best way I think to approach meditation to begin with.
I mean, I think back when I first started meditating, I was a teenager.
I'd been going through a really hard time.
I was getting in trouble with the law and I'd just been arrested and I just was having a lot of anxiety.
And I remember it feeling, you know, I was reading a book and, you know, you read the meditation and I'm like, okay, so I'm going to try and remember what this person's telling me to do and I'm going to close my eyes and try and do it.
And it just felt like I was doing it wrong, right?
So that's, I think, the initial introduction for people whenever they go into a meditative state or they try meditation is, oh, my mind is just racing.
I'm bad at meditation.
That's the one where I have such a heart felt like, oh, no, you're doing it right.
Don't worry about it being wrong because ultimately your intention and you trying to do something is already – you're already winning.
You're already there.
It's not about winning, but it's like you're already in the process of creating that space for yourself.
Well, I am so excited that we're doing this together.
Are you ready, Rosie?
Are you ready? Let's get into our first question.
Dear Headspace, I feel completely ashamed to admit this, but I recently cheated on my girlfriend.
I never thought I would be this person, and I know I made a big mistake in a moment of bad judgment.
Now, though, I don't want to tell her because I know she'll leave me.
I also don't want to tell her because I know it's never going to happen again.
And can I consider myself a good person if I just keep it to myself and move on?
You know, what's interesting about Dan's question there is he's not just talking about the infidelity.
He's talking about, like, can I bury it and can I be a good person?
And that's a really layered question.
Wow. I'm going to make you start, Rosie.
Oh, man, really? I did.
I did that. Yes. My advice is sometimes not popular.
In what way? You know, I've encountered a situation like this before.
And it's hard because if there is a pathology there, first of all, Dan, I would highly suggest you talk to a professional therapist about what's going on, what you're feeling.
And I think that it's worth you doing some self -inquiry and potentially even having some inquiry with a professional that can help you maybe work through some of these things so that it doesn't happen again.
Yeah, because I don't know that things necessarily happen out of the blue for no reason.
I mean, no judgment, Dan.
Yeah, not at all. Like if that's, you know, part of - Yeah, look, Dan, I've been there.
I've been on both sides.
Yeah. So I've been somebody who was the who cheated on - The cheater and the cheater.
Yeah, exactly. So here's what I would say.
I think it's important for you to inquire what being honest is going to do for you and what it's going to do for your partner.
So I come from a background of, you know, my father was in AA for many years.
And so I was very familiar with a 12 -step program from a young age.
And there's a lot of family members that I have that have gone through this program.
And I personally have not myself been in recovery, but I'm very familiar with people in recovery and going through the 12 steps, which I really love.
And I really feel like it's a system that a lot of people should do.
Absolutely. Just for the purposes of uncovering and really unraveling and getting to know yourself at a deeper level.
Yeah, because it's based in honesty and cleaning up and being responsible for yourself.
Exactly, being responsible, taking ownership, being of service, owning up to your mistakes, making amends, and that kind of thing.
Staying in your own business.
Staying in your own business.
So I really feel that for me, are you wanting to get this off your chest because you want to feel better or because you think this is going to make her feel better?
Because I guarantee it's not going to make her feel good.
And if your motivation for telling somebody what has happened is you're just doing it because you want to get it off your chest and wherever the cards lie, they lie, then that potentially could be a little bit selfish.
Let me ask you a question about that.
What if you're carrying this thing with you, Dan's carrying this thing with him, and because of that, it's really affecting his life?
I mean, you did at the top talk about therapy, and I concur with that.
And if it's not about like, oh, I just need to release the shame of it.
You know, like for me, I hid being gay for a really long time.
Like I had a whole relationship for a year that I hid and I was not my best self with my friends.
Like I was a weirdo because I had a secret.
And so I wonder like a secret can take you down.
Oh, yeah. And is it enough to process it with another person or do you have to come?
But it's, you know.
Yeah, but I love what you're saying.
That essentially is the gauge, right?
That's the barometer.
How is this affecting you?
And it's not, take out the being a good or a bad person out of it, right?
Because there's the shame that we have when we make mistakes.
I, again, will revert back to the beginning and talk to somebody about this because I think it merits a conversation, whether it's a pathology or not.
I think it's always good to be able to express this experience with somebody else and then make a decision.
But I mean, Robin, with what you're saying, I agree too.
if it's stopping you from living your life and it's completely tearing you apart, again, talk to a therapist, but definitely see what this looks like in the long run for you.
Is this somebody that you want to be with?
Is the girlfriend that you're with somebody that you want to be with forever?
You see a life, you want to marry her, this is your person, you are sure of it, then this requires a lot more attention and inquiry.
But if you're in a relationship with somebody and this happened once, but you're still sort of on the fence, then I would say talk to somebody and figure out why what happened happened so that it doesn't happen again.
Can I ask you a question in particular?
You are in a relationship with Dan.
Not this Dan, a Dan.
Yeah. Dan cheats on you.
Okay. And it truly was a mistake.
Yeah. He's loaded. He's in Vegas.
What happens in Vegas?
Whatever happens. Whatever the reason is.
Would you want to know?
Honestly, I don't think I would.
Yeah. I don't know that I could handle it.
Yeah, yeah. And if it was to me a thing where that will ruin our relationship and it just happened that one time and my partner is for sure and they're doing work around it, I wouldn't want to know.
I would say it happened, it was a mistake.
You were in Vegas doing whatever.
It was that bachelorette party?
Yeah, that bachelorette party.
You really went on one.
I personally, I wouldn't want to know.
Yeah, I would struggle if I knew I would struggle with the trust level.
But it does really go back to for me, I would be like, well, if everything was okay, why did you do that?
Yeah. And I don't think infidelity happens when you don't want to.
Yeah, no. And most of the time, I think people think, oh, you know, it was just this once and I, you know, everything's fine.
And I love my wife, or I love my husband.
And love has nothing to do with it.
It's deeper rooted than that.
when you are willing to succumb to your innate desires and there's no control there.
Well, and also you're breaking an agreement.
If you have an open relationship, then you have an open relationship.
Then you didn't do anything against the person.
But we were talking before we hit record and we were saying we were both in relationships for nearing 20 years.
It can even be something as simple as it's not as new as it used to be and maybe we're busy in our lives and we don't show the other person as much affection or attention as we did earlier on.
And by saying, oh, nothing is wrong, you might be negating some work that could be done that's not even wildly hard work, just a reconnection to come back so you feel validated and appreciated and loved.
So I liked in your answer, you said, I would want to know that person is doing the work.
Yeah. Because I think that part is important.
I mean, you know this being in a relationship a long time, you go up and down, right?
Sure. It's a constant learning.
Closer, coming back, closer, coming back.
Yes. And people are going through different phases in their lives.
I mean, you're not the same person you were 20 years ago.
No. I'm prettier and thinner.
I'm just kidding. I'm better.
I'm a better version of myself.
And I think that that has a lot to do with it as well.
How are you caring for yourself?
How are you loving yourself?
How are you preparing yourself to be loved.
So it merits a deeper look and a little bit more attention.
I think it's important.
I mean, obviously we're talking about mindfulness.
What could Dan do to bring mindfulness or meditation in that might be helpful in opening up where he is in this issue?
Well, I think right now, if I can make an assumption, Dan, and excuse me for doing so, But I think Dan is very concerned about being forgiven.
And instead, I would say, if he's done the inquiry to forgive himself, and if not, I would suggest doing a little bit of practice around that.
And, you know, I love the word forgiveness, right?
Because the word forgive, it means to give.
There is an exchange happening, right?
There is an energy exchange.
And I think this is where the practice of mindfulness really comes in because essentially giving yourself the space to not be in despair or in suffering is – it's a nice moment for you to rest and not berate yourself internally.
for being a bad, quote unquote, bad person.
So I would suggest creating a practice around forgiveness and forgiving yourself.
And like I said, talking to somebody that is qualified to have this type of conversation, but I would say incorporating some sort of forgiveness practice into your day would be great.
I think we need to just remember to be kind to ourselves and remember that we're human and, um, we all make mistakes.
Well, Dan, whatever it is, I, I, I don't want to speak for Rosie, but I hope that you release this idea of, can I consider myself a good person?
Yeah. That seems separate.
And you know, Dan, if you want to reach back out and let us know how it went, we're here.
Yeah. We're always here.
We're not going anywhere.
We live in the studio.
Yes. All right. Forever.
All right. I think we'll, let's go to question number two and good luck dan hi my name is rin and my question is can christianity and meditation go hand in hand quick but powerful question from rin and and by the way what are the chances that this question talk about the universe this question comes
right after you talking about being a recovering catholic like what are the chances you know this is a really great question rin and sorry if i'm going right into it.
No, please do. I feel like this is a conversation that I've had with other students and friends of mine.
I have a friend actually who's a pastor.
And I loved reading the Bible.
That was one of my favorite things to do.
I love the stories.
And anytime I wanted to freak out, I'd read the beginning of the Old Testament.
Because I'm like, this is gnarly.
This is you know, like an intense, very traumatic for a child to try and understand.
But one of the things that I really loved about reading the Bible and the practices of Christianity and the teachings of Jesus was this innate quality of kindness that was taught.
There were a couple of verses.
And I could totally, I'm not going to be able to know exactly what verses were, but I know that they're in some of the New Testament, I believe there is mention of meditation and inquiry, self -inquiry.
So I do believe that there is a correlation between the too.
And I always love this quote.
A friend of mine said this to me, that prayer is us talking to God and meditation is us listening.
Oh, that's interesting.
Yeah. And so I really love the idea of whether this is part of your practice or you're practicing, whatever religion you're practicing, that meditation is an opportunity for you to connect to that part of yourself that is your sanctuary.
That's your church.
That is your opportunity to create space within yourself and have that be a state of peace.
I don't know necessarily that that answers the question fully.
Well, but you are touching on something and it made me think of something too.
And my old boss, he said that he would go to church because the house of worship, the place, and he was a Catholic as well, it brought him down and it was a place where he could think and he could reflect.
And the only times I have gone, I've found that there's a meditative quality in the way that they talk.
And it made me think of what you were saying earlier about how there are different types of meditations.
And so can it go hand in hand in that regard?
You're bringing your meditation and yourself into this quiet space and into the listening and the way that they speak.
Yeah, it's not a this or that.
It's an and. Yeah, it's I can be both.
