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Can you believe 2025 is already trekking along?
let's check in. How are you doing with your resolutions?
Mine is simple. Focus on my well -being.
And I know my well -being starts with great sleep.
If I could do one thing to improve my sleep and overall health, it's taking the number one mineral for that – magnesium.
Specifically, magnesium breakthrough by bi -optimizers.
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Honestly, I can't even fully describe how much it helps me.
Let's face it, even if your goals for this year aren't health -related, how can you achieve any goal without quality sleep and stress support?
Magnesium breakthrough gives you the vitality you need to conquer your dreams. Do yourself a favor and make this a part of your routine this year.
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Again, that's buyoptimizers .com forward slash HEADSPACE.
Let's Space Studio!
Sam, best way to start a new season?
I think a great way to start a new season is to reflect.
Just take some time and journal.
Ask yourself what you're looking forward to, reconnect with your values and the way you You want to show up to the family functions coming up, Thanksgiving and the holidays.
And just be intentional and give yourself that time to kind of reset as you enter the new season.
Have you ever wished you had a wise meditation teach -o on speed dial?
Someone you can call after a long day.
Someone you could lean on for their advice.
Someone to listen and help you to see things differently.
Welcome to Dear Headspace.
Hi folks! We are back with another episode of Dear Headspace, a podcast where each week I sit down with a Headspace meditation teacher and we answer your questions.
Now I am still Robin Hopkins, and I am here with today's co -host and of course Headspace meditation teacher, Sam.
Sam, we're back together again.
I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
Well, so it's been a little bit of a minute since we recorded the pilot.
How have you been? What's happening with you, Sam?
Yeah, I've been really well, just doing things I enjoy.
I play a lot of board games.
I do a lot of trivia.
And I've been working on scripting a course on fear, which has been incredible because it's such a huge topic.
I mean, it's the most primal emotion that we have. And I'm, as I'm writing it, I'm just thinking about how it's beyond an emotion.
You know, fear is like, it's our most basic impulse toward or away from something.
And it's just been an incredible process to really dive deep into that topic.
You know, what's so funny is I'm currently having this conversation about fear with my son because he's really scared.
He's at that age now where he's starting to take himself on the subway to and from school.
And so we were talking a lot about how you can make choices to make yourself feel safe, but then at some point you have to move your life forward in spite of the fear, that two things can be true at the same time.
Right, exactly. And actually the research shows that the way we tell the story of fear to ourselves, and you're spot on, like this strength and the resilience that we're showing in spite of fear, gives us the confidence to keep showing up in moments of fear, to keep acting courageously.
So it's really important to have that.
I'm so happy to hear that, that you're helping him create that narrative for himself.
All right, now, before we get to our questions, we do have a pitch for our listeners, Sam.
That's right. So now you know we want to hear your questions, but we'd also love for you to share with us some of your mindful moments.
So think about those times when your practice changed your day for the better, or even just a simple moment of gratitude.
Just those times when you find your practice is starting to weave itself into your everyday life.
We want to hear about those moments.
Yes please share those with us.
And if you would like to share a moment of gratitude or a mindful moment, you can record it for us at sayhi .chat slash dear headspace.
It's easy peasy and that link is going to be in the show notes.
And if we use your moment on air, you're going to get three months of free headspace for yourself.
Or, you can share that with a friend or a loved one.
Absolutely. Now, Sam, are you ready to get to those listener questions?
Let's get to them. Today, we're going to be talking about when is the right time to get into a relationship, dealing with early menopause, and feeling stressed at work, which I think everyone can relate to.
I mean, we have a wide range of questions today.
I'm ready. Okay, here we go.
Question number 1. Hello dear Headspace.
My name is Bantimo.
Half of me wants to be in a relationship, to receive and also give the love and affection to a special someone.
But the other half wants the self -care and the focus of a single life.
So, how and when do I know that I am ready for a relationship And is it even okay to crave love and affection like this?
Oh, Valentino. I mean, before you even say anything, Sam, we have to say to Valentino, of course, you're valid and worthy and you should have a relationship if you want it.
For God's sake. Oh yeah, absolutely.
And of course, it's so natural and human to crave love and connection.
I mean, I feel like that's what we're here for, Relationships are everything, not just romantic relationships, but every kind of relationship is the core of our existence.
It seemed to me like there was a couple of things that were collapsed in on itself with that question.
Like there was a part of the premise of like, does it mean I'm not whole and complete if I crave affection?
And I, I feel like absolutely not.
Like, you know, I do think there's a connection to being whole and complete and love often shows up when you are, like healthy love shows up, but like, that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.
I mean, I think that that part just really jumped out at me.
Yeah, you know, I always thought of, from the relationships I've been in, that I learned so much about myself in them, and I've always jumped just headfirst into relationships.
I've haven't thought much about it, which isn't, I'm not giving that advice, but I think that that idea of wholeness, I would explore that more.
You know, what does that mean to you?
does wholeness look like.
I think as we get older we become more insightful as we're seeking, you know, wisdom and we're trying to figure ourselves out, we learn more about our attachment patterns and our tendencies and what we, you know, our preferences for, you know, romantic partners.
So yeah, I mean we could spend lifetimes trying to perfect our self -knowledge and our self -awareness but so much of that grows when you're in a relationship.
And I used to go on a of dates just to when I had this small little window of singleness, but I would get so excited about going on dates because I saw it as a way to just get to know someone.
I brought my curiosity, let go of expectations, and you see what you enjoy about the person's company and what you enjoy about how you feel in their company, and you see where it goes.
It doesn't have to be something that we set out to do.
Get into a relationship, you know, and then make it conform to what we think it should look like.
But, it can be this openness to meeting people and getting to know people on a human level.
I absolutely love what you just said about showing up on a date and and how you're looking at it.
Can you can you dig into that a little bit more because I feel like that's not a common approach to dates.
Yeah, well I think it starts with loving people.
I am fascinated. I'm like an anthropologist at heart.
I love people. I love hearing human stories.
So I always thought of dates that way, like I'm going to go hear someone's story, and just open myself with absolute curiosity to see what is happening between us.
In mindfulness, we talk about anchors like our breath, or sounds, or body sensations, but you can make another person your anchor.
Just continually bringing your attention back to them, noticing what comes up in you as you're listening to them.
Just trying your best to get to know them in that short period of time, if that's the one and only date that you'll have. That's how I would go into dates, and I made some really good friends, but I never felt it was wasted time.
I think some people can think of it as you start to feel aversion to dates because you're on a schedule.
If you feel like, I want to have a relationship or a partner by December, or you know, I'm getting older, all these stories about time passing, that gives you the sense of urgency.
I think if you can let go of that and really open to the mystery of human interaction and realize that you can't make anything happen, really.
It's not something that can be forced ever.
So if you can let go of that and just really bring curiosity and fascination with human beings as they are, as they're showing up, then it can be a really joyful and fun process.
And I feel like we're skirting around Valentino's question, like I think you're going to know When is the right time?
And I think there's a lot of should in the question of like, I should be doing this, I should be doing that.
But I would just say like, what do you want?
You know, if you, if you're interested in meeting a person, then like Sam said, go out and show up with an open mind and meet people and have experiences, but if you feel like you don't necessarily want that right now, that's okay too, and none of it means you're a bad person or you're not whole and complete, none of it.
Exactly. That's why.
So well said. And I would just say too that a big lesson for me was giving what I was seeking.
So instead of requiring or expecting people to give me this like warm, kind attention and be very interested in who I was as a person, that was a big moment for me in my 20s where I realized I'm not special and that's okay.
But I think we need that… Wait, I need you to say more about that.
I don't like, claim that to me because you are a special Sam.
Oh, thank you. No, but I guess what I mean to say is that no one owes me anything.
I had this epiphany that no one is responsible for my emotions, no one's responsible for soothing me.
I completely let go of expectation and wanting.
I mean, the wanting might still be there, but I let go of anyone being responsible for that.
And it was a really pivotal moment in my life because then I was able to focus on giving.
I was thinking about how you were saying, Valentina, the half -half.
Half wants to be in a relationship.
Half wants to take care of yourself, and you can do both, right?
You can take care of yourself and explore relationships.
It doesn't have to be one or the other, and so maybe just exploring that belief a little bit.
Maybe there's a fear that if you enter a relationship, you'll stop.
You'll neglect yourself in some way, so finding a way to include both of those things.
I absolutely love that.
Wonderful, wonderful advice for our friend Valentino. Well done, Sam.
I'm glad to help. All right, here is question number two from Kay.
Hi, I'm Kay from London.
I've recently been diagnosed with the perimenopause at the age of 35.
This is due to the fact that my mother went through an early menopause and often these things are hereditary.
It's something that I'm finding really tricky to come to terms with given it feels so early my life to be going through this.
Can you help me understand how I can best unpack these emotions and feelings as I think about it every day and recommend things outside of meditation?
I've been looking at different things around community building, speaking to other women who might be going through the same thing, but ultimately it still feels like quite an isolating experience and one that I would love some help with.
Thanks so much! Kay, that is such a good question.
And I'm so glad that you asked it because women don't talk about these things enough.
I think there's a real cultural shame that is attached to it about aging, about your body betraying you at some point, you know?
There's a lot that's attached to it.
So I'm so glad you asked this question.
You know, whenever we're having a health -related issue, our mind is like a vortex sucking us in to worry and spiraling thought and rumination, and it can feel so overwhelming to be drawn in that way.
And loneliness. When you want to carry on with your life, yeah.
And loneliness. And you want to be present, but you're pulled into, oh my god, what does this mean?
I think there's a lot of grief.
There's a lot of letting go of certain expectations.
I don't know if you have children or want children, but that becomes a consideration And so it's so natural to be drawn into the realm of worry and grief and concern, you know?
And I think what first comes to mind for me is what a soothing balm self -compassion is.
It never runs out. It's with you all the time, that capacity, you know.
It's something you can do that no one knows you're doing, right?
It's simple as putting a hand on your heart or on your face, just some soothing touch saying, I see you and I see how hard this is and I'm here, and you're not alone.
It feels lonely, but you're not alone, there are many other people going through this.
And you can do that as many times of day as your body and mind need, you know, and it never runs out.
So I think that could be really helpful and it's not meditative per se, you know, it does require like going inward a little bit, but it could be done in a moment, you know, in couple seconds or minute where you just take that time to acknowledge all the feelings and see if you can name them, too.
It's like our emotions are sometimes like children.
I think of them that way, like they want attention.
They want to know that you see them, right?
So if you turn toward them and go, I see you sadness, I see you longing, I see you loneliness, and greet them with that kind of love, that real compassionate love, then it'll help you to not get sucked into the vortex of worry uncontrollably.
Yeah, and I was so glad to hear her mention that she's trying to build community and to talk, because I just, I think that that's, that's really critical and I think there are a lot of ways to find community in something like this.
I think social media can be bad for a lot of different reasons, but it can also be good in terms of a resource.
Like Facebook has an inordinate amount of groups where you can like, you And when I was going through fertility stuff, because I'm part of the LGBTQ community, like obviously we can't make a baby without some help.
The Facebook groups were really, really an empowering place because everyone in that room was going through what I was going through.
And everyone in that room had varying levels of being okay with it or information or, and just a simple question.
And, and everyone wants to help.
And I think that's a really a great place to, to reach out for connection around the issue, because it's, it's already hard for women to go through menopause, but to go through it at 35.
Suddenly you've got, as a person who's, I guess I'm probably in perimenopause right now, but like you've got the wild hormones, your sleep is disrupted.
There's just so many other things that happen.
And it's not easy, and so, I think having a place where you can go where someone else is where you are, so you don't feel crazy.
Yeah, absolutely. Just to be reassured, I remember one time going to a therapist when I was in my 20s, but I was severely anxious and had insomnia for the first time in my life.
And I thought I was going crazy because I couldn't distinguish which thoughts were normal to have. It just felt like I was losing control over managing my thoughts, managing my emotions.
And she would say to me, I'll never forget, she would listen very kindly, and she would say, sweetheart, all you need to do is sleep.
Once you sleep, everything will be fine.
And she would say this to me over and over and over.
But it was like, I just needed to hear that.
That was the medicine.
I needed to hear that.
Like this is, there are biochemical things happening in your body that are causing you to think differently, feel differently, have volatility that you've never knew before, and that's gonna be a process, you know?
And it's like, you just have to know that it's temporary and you have to know that it's a transition and that it's not you.
There's nothing you're doing wrong or, you know, it's not a reflection on you as a person.
And you know what? it's a finite thing you're not going to be in peri or in menopause forever you're going to come out on the other side and then you'll have some balance.
I mean we've been kind of dancing around this but like actual meditation I think would really be very helpful for this issue because it's like I'm thinking about sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't sleep, waking up angry because of hormones, like putting some of the practice in place I think would likely be helpful.
Yeah, I totally, I totally agree with you.
I think you're spot on.
I think it's, and it's nice too maybe invite some loving -kindness phrases and highlight the kindness aspect of mindfulness in your practice and think about, I like this idea of thinking about what I most want someone to say to me, like a good friend or the perfect friend that doesn't exist, but what would that friend say to me to soothe me and to Let me know that I'm seen and that I'm okay.
And then journal about it, reflect on it, and then offer yourself those phrases in the loving kindness meditation.
So for me, those phrases are around lovable, being lovable.
And I'll say to myself, like, Sam, may you trust that you're lovable, may you see your lovable -ness, right?
And it's exactly what I need, you know?
It didn't come from somewhere outside.
It came from within.
And that's just a really soothing way to meditate So you don't have to, you know, focus on the meditation.
That's about paying very rigid, close attention and developing maybe your attentional capacity right now, but you can focus on that warm, compassionate, kind relationship that you're building with what's going on within you right now, the emotions and the sensations and the, you know, how your body's shifting.
So Kate you find your people find your people that you can talk to about this.
find yourself and be compassionate to yourself and check back with us and let us know how it's all going.
We're here for you.
Yeah, please do. Please check back in.
Can you believe 2025 is already trekking along?
Let's check in. How are you doing with your resolutions?
Mine is simple, focus on my wellbeing.
And I know my wellbeing starts with great sleep.
If I could do one thing to improve my sleep and overall health, it's taking the number one mineral for that, magnesium.
Specifically magnesium breakthrough by biophthomizers.
This supplement contains seven forms of magnesium, each supporting over 600 biochemical reactions in your body.
It's a powerhouse, improving sleep, brain function, metabolism, stress management and so much more.
Honestly, I can't even fully describe how much it helps me.
Let's face it, even if your goals for this year aren't health related, how can you achieve any goal without quality sleep and stress support?
Magnesium breakthrough gives you the vitality you need to conquer your dreams. Do yourself a favor and make this a part of your routine this year.
Go to buyoptimizers .com forward slash headspace and use code headspace to get 10 % off of any order.
And if you subscribe, you'll unlock incredible discounts, free gifts and so much more.
Again, that's buyoptimizers .com forward slash headspace.
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Oh, it goes by so fast, Sam, but we are on our third question from Kate.
Are you ready? I'm ready.
All right, here we go.
Hi, this is Kate from Korea.
I feel very stressful at work that I sometimes always dream about work at night and cannot sleep well.
But I'm feeling that I'm still learning from the job and I'm not sure what to do.
Yeah. I thought about what we just talked about with sleep deprivation, you know, the emotions get amplified and it gets hard to problem -solve.
So thank you for being so vulnerable and asking your question.
Well, Sam, I am particularly leaning in on this one because I am a person who wakes up, three, four, five a .m. and the work thoughts start.
So what are your thoughts for Kate?
How to balance this so better sleep's coming?
Yeah, well, first, I think just realizing that work is a core part of our lives.
It's tied to our survival.
So it's very natural and normal and common for us to dream about work and school.
I don't know if this happens for you, Robin, but I still have nightmares that I didn't and then I have to go back.
Mine is college. My dream is always there was a class I forgot I was in, and I just never went, and then it was the day before graduation and I was supposed to go take a final.
Yeah, that's my exact dream except high school.
But what's behind it is anxiety.
Anxiety feels a lot of these dreams where we're maybe questioning our skills or questioning our worth or just like our workload is ramped up temporarily, and so our adrenaline is up and our anxiety is up.
And so our dreams become more vivid often and tied to these anxious moments in our lives when these points of time where we were graduating or losing or gaining a job.
So yeah, just to call that out as something that is very, very normal, but I think going back to the job, k, I don't know what job you have Or if you, if you like your job, you did say you're, you're learning from your job.
And that probably feels really good.
I think it's helpful to take time and really reflect on, on your job, what are you enjoying about it?
What are some of the challenges?
Um, just to get clear on what you would like to change.
Yeah, I think that's important because in theory, when you're dreaming about something, it means there's something unresolved in your brain's trying to work it out.
whether it's just general anxiety or it's like I don't feel good enough in the workplace or I'm new and I don't like to be new.
Like you said it's you've got to get to what's underneath.
Exactly, and it comes with looking at what's coming up and and greeting it with you know with the same.
I think the common thread here is that kind openness, that curiosity.
If you can greet it that way and take time to really process it then you know you have less anxious dreams and it starts to work itself out.
It's so funny because you say that because I'm thinking, I think I just was accepting or was thinking, well, this is just how my brain works at 4 a .m. I'm going to start thinking about work and I'm going to be stressful.
But then I was like, as you were saying that, I was like I wonder what it is I am stressed about and I know for me, there was like a big change after college and beyond.
I worked in a nine to five environment for a really, really long time and then the last a couple of years, I gave up the day job and I'm more freelance and I gave up some stability to kind of bet on myself.
I know that there's an inherent stress that comes with that about what pressure am I putting on the family by doing this?
What am I forgetting because I'm working alone and all those things are what resulted in me waking up at 4 and I have to write things down because I'm afraid I'm going to forget.
And so, I don't know that I would have ever looked at that unless you had said that.
Yeah, exactly, and taking time, carving out some time to reflect on the way that this new venture is affecting your family and worries that you have. I don't have hard science on it, but I read enough to say confidently that it reduces the anxiety when we're sleeping.
Well isn't it true that if you have a meditation practice during the day, it helps your sleep at night?
Is that? Can we say that definitively?
Did I make that up?
Yeah, no research has confirmed that quality and duration of our sleep improves with meditation, with a mindfulness meditation practice.
Yeah, for sure. So you're saying that plus you're saying there's like an extension of that by looking into what's underneath it for you.
What's really going on with the anxiety?
Yeah, exactly. It's almost like having a dialogue with yourself.
Right? I used to do this with an exercise from this book called The Road from Abandonment to Healing.
and it's a fantastic book.
And she recommended having this dialogue between little and big.
And little is the part of ourselves that's scared, that's anxious, that's worried.
And big is the part of you that is kind, compassionate, clear seeing, that inner kind of sovereign as I think of it as an archetype.
That part of you that makes wise decisions or that you would like to make wise decisions from.
And you allow them to just talk to each other.
And I found it incredibly helpful at many different times in my life, whether it was a breakup or moving to a new place and being alone for the first time, any kind of stressors, but giving that voice of anxiety free rein to talk to you and to say what it needs to say.
And then responding with, often the response for me was like, I see you I'm here, tell me more about this.
It's not necessarily the answer that's being delivered through this voice.
It's more of, I'm here and I'd like to keep listening.
Yeah, so that could be just a more structured exercise to do with yourself, to get clarity on what that voice of anxiety is really concerned about.
Well, so Sam, let's say Kate is particularly anxious and is waking up in the middle of the night and can't sleep.
Do you have tips for helping her soothe and be able to get back to sleep?
Yeah, I would say, you know, what I do is sometimes I'll read and often that will lull me to sleep.
But if that doesn't work, it's actually not good to stay in bed and try to make yourself go to sleep because that's impossible.
The more we try, the more wakeful, more alert we are.
So it's helpful sometimes to actually get out of bed, you know, just go downstairs, go to another room in the house where you can maybe read or write about what feelings are coming up or what you were dreaming about.
And then wait and kind of pay attention to when that sleepiness, that drowsiness starts to set in again.
And I know that can be kind of a luxury for like if I have to get up early I get anxious when I wake up in the middle of the night because I'm like, oh I'm not going to get enough sleep.
I'm missing hours of precious sleep by being awake.
So when that happens I like to say to myself what we said at the beginning actually which is like all parts of you are welcome.
There are many other people who are lacking sleep today, tonight, and will be lacking sleep tomorrow, and you can make adjustments as needed.
You can show up as best as you can, but if you need to go home early or you just stay present for how you're feeling during the day and then adjust as needed and you'll be able to do that.
Ah, those were just such amazing conversations Sam.
It feels so good to connect, and I know it's kind of one sided, but just to hear your stories and to think about have us reflect on our own experiences and stuff we've learned along the way and offer whatever we can.
It's so nourishing.
So thank you so much for bringing those questions to us.
Absolutely. And you know, we couldn't have this show without the questions from our listeners.
So this is the moment where we're going to say to you if you have a question for our teachers, just send them to us.
All you have to do is go to say hi .chat slash dear headspace.
And again, that will be in the show notes.
You're going to follow the prompts to record your question.
You can do it on desktop.
You can do it on mobile.
It's so simple. And if we use your question on the show, you're going to get three months of headspace for free, and you can use it.
You can give it to a loved one.
And again, that link will be in the show notes, if you don't have a pen handy.
Yeah. Please send us those questions.
And I have to say there hasn't been a bad question yet.
Not that there ever can be.
No question is a bad question.
That is correct. All right, Sam, it is time for one of my favorite parts of this podcast. Yes, where we've built in some time here so you can take in what you just heard. This is really a moment to let your mind do whatever it wants to do to transition from this space into the next part of your day.
So today we're leaving you with some wildlife soundscapes recorded in India.
I love it. So till next time, stay happy.
stay healthy and please be kind to each other.
And. Dear Headspace is a Headspace Studios original podcast. It's produced by Robin Hopkins, Ash Jones, and Scott Sorenson.
It's executive produced by Morgan Selzer, Sarah Cohen, Baron Farmar, and Danny Christamy.
It's hosted and produced by Robin Hopkins, Keisanga Giskombe, Dora Kamau, Samantha Snowdon, and Eve Lewis Prieto.
Sound recording and post production is by Dan Kral.
Music is by Scott Sorenson and Chris Murguia.
And a very special thanks to Colleen Mottz.
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