Ted Audio Collective.
Hi everyone, you're listening to HBS After Hours.
This is a very special episode.
I'm here tonight with my son, Tilo, who is a senior in high school and two of his friends who are also seniors in high school, Monsie and Sean.
Hi guys. Hi. Howdy.
So I spend a lot of my time doing work with consumer facing firms and one of the things that I've discovered is just about every firm out there has an intense interest in understanding the lives of teenagers.
So I'm going to throw a bunch of questions at you and then we're just going to have a conversation.
So we're test subjects basically.
Well, you're here to essentially represent an entire generation.
No, baby. I've done it before.
All in a day's work.
It's all good? All right.
Question number one.
Ready? I want you to tell me something you're really passionate about.
Monsie go. I'm really passionate about Indian classical dance.
I've been doing it since I was four years old and my mom actually is the one that put me in the classes.
Dance is in her blood.
She's very very graceful.
And I was not a graceful kid at all.
I was always in the back of the room the worst dancer in the class and my teacher was like there's no hope for this girl.
And I think part of it is because I grew up like I'm an Indian and I grew up in America and I always desired to be like the typical American girl.
But I think my mom was really clever by putting me into dance because it was the one time I was really submerged into like an Indian environment.
And so as I grew older and I started to celebrate my heritage, I kind of became more attached with dance.
And so I think that's how I connected with my mom and I connected with you know being Indian and that was my outlet for really balancing my two different lives.
Fantastic. Tylo. The thing I'm passionate about is crew.
I wrote for our high school and the crew team.
When I was young I was like garbage at sports.
I would run away if you threw a ball at me essentially.
To avoid getting it.
Yeah pretty much. So coming into the high school I wanted to do a sport and like I mentioned ball sports were out of the question and so I tried crew because it didn't involve throwing anything.
When I started it was just an activity.
But as I progressed further it became the thing that sort of gave structure in my life.
It alleviated that ennui I had every day and then the more I got into it the more I met great people.
Some of my closest friends are on this team.
Like Sean who's right here and it made me much more diligent much more motivated or self motivating and disciplined person.
I think that without it I would be a lot less happy now.
Okay. Sean what about you?
I'd have to say language I think is something that I'm very passionate about.
My mother is Polish and I grew up speaking to her in English and I think for like from zero years of age to like nine I didn't speak Polish at all.
And I think there's one day I remember my dad he was like you know what you're really missing out.
And so it kind of motivated me to start learning Polish and from that day on I was like only Polish the rest of my life to these guys.
And so that's kind of how I got into Polish but I'm also passionate about it.
Sean I got to tell you I love when I hear you speak Polish but I love even more when I hear you speak Chinese.
When I speak Chinese.
That started so I went up to my dad one day and I was like that I need your PayPal password and your PayPal account.
And he was like why on earth do you need and I was I think like 12.
No like 13. But I was going up to him asking for PayPal.
So he was like okay what for and I was like I need a Chinese teacher.
And so I kept on approaching him about PayPal and eventually I found my tutor who I'm still with and we Skype on Saturdays.
Awesome. Sean's actually one of the reasons I started Chinese in high school.
Really. I just thought you know if Sean can do it.
Fun. Alright, Masi.
Okay. Okay. Question number two.
If you lost all access to social media, which site would you miss the most?
None. I don't use social media.
Seriously you're not on much social media?
He doesn't have Facebook.
He used Snapchat. But then he stopped.
So is he a total aberration?
I'm a ghost. I'm a ghost.
I'm a complete ghost.
Wait, in Masi, you're on social media.
I am. I'm pretty active.
I would say probably Instagram because I think growing up our generation used Instagram more than other people.
Like I know my older cousins that are maybe like 12 years older than me, they use Facebook.
Like Facebook is their go -to.
Facebook is for older people.
Yeah, pretty much. But like if you're over 30.
I want to be generous to like the older, mature members of our audience.
So 30. Let's call it 30.
If you're older than 30.
I appreciate that. But just for the record after you hit 30, then you're over the hill?
It's all downhill. It's all downhill after 30.
I'm sorry. All right.
Okay. Thanks. I appreciate it.
But Monty, you were saying so Instagram is the one that you would.
Yeah, I think Instagram would be the one.
I think it's just what I gravitate towards most.
I just, Instagram is the app I use.
All right. And then you said Reddit.
Yeah, I'd probably misread it.
All right. Question number three.
What is the most disturbing thing you've seen on social media involving people you know?
A former student at our high school put out a video with racial slurs directed at students that go to our high school currently.
And I think that was pretty disturbing.
And the entire school reacted in that pretty interesting way, actually.
How did it all get out?
In other words, it was I think it was a Snapchat, right?
So it was sent towards a specific student.
And then another student just happened to be nearby and he saw the video.
And so when he saw the video he was like, wait, replay the video and I want to like film this video because I think it's terrible.
So then he filmed the video and then put it out there on social media.
I remember I went to a hockey game that night and people were just going crazy.
I mean, it was a, I was, I agreed with the response.
I thought it was terrible.
But we actually had a walkout, right?
Every single class that day.
I think that the adults at our school, they didn't really know what to do themselves.
So I think it was good that we took it.
Like our headmaster bumbled his way through the entire thing.
He really did. I think had there not been a student response, I, I don't know how much of a response would there have been.
How much? I don't think it would have been that much.
I think the adults were like afraid to even approach a topic because I remember there was a round break.
When we were in biology, it was just such a hard thing for people to talk about.
People were dancing around the subject when like clearly someone had to - The teachers were dancing.
The teachers. Yeah, specifically.
Even students too. I was just saying, you know, very vague things.
I just thought it was not handled the best way from the adults.
I think the students reacted much better.
I think it's, it's a hard issue to talk about because people feel so strongly about it one way or the other.
So that when you try to make your point, it feels like you're attacking the other side.
And so if you feel personally attacked in a debate, it can very easily lose the sort of this ability to discuss something like that.
As a result, I feel like a lot of, I'd say like authority figures like teachers or adults in general dance around the subject and take a very neutral stance, which there's an argument to say that that's good, that the teachers should let the students express how they feel.
But you also have to create an environment where everyone feels comfortable voicing their opinions even if not everyone will agree with them.
It's hard for me to imagine what is the argument defending.
I think the argument defending it was mostly - Like it's a joke.
Yeah, it's a joke. I think what people were actually like, they were just, you're ruining these kids' futures for a five second video.
Why are you ruining their future?
And I mean, that's just, you think before you do, basically, that was kind of what people had to learn from this.
And I also think people were finding excuses for the behavior.
Yeah, exactly. Like that they were intoxicated or they were under the influence and that was ultimately what led them to say those racial slurs in the first place.
My guess is that you also see really positive things happen all the time on social media.
Can you give me an example of some of the ways that people use social media that ends up being quite constructive?
I think celebrating any personal accomplishment, for example, running the Boston Marathon is what I've seen recently in my feed.
And that's really impressive, you know?
And it's nice to see people doing that.
But at the same time, it's a fine line that you have to deal with when you're posting achievements because - Don't brag.
Yeah, exactly. Bragging comes across - if you think they're bragging through you in real life, I feel like it's amplified 20 -fold in social media.
Like when people post what college they're going to, I feel like, you know, that's okay.
But sometimes when you get like post after post - After post, after post.
After post, and you're just - Like repping their T -shirts, repping their gear like, check me out, I'm outside the school store looking fly.
I'm like, all right, like calm down.
Okay. But there's a fine line.
Like do it tastefully.
Yeah, exactly. Do it tastefully.
And also, I've seen a lot of people put out a little bit too much, you know, personally.
There's some stuff where you're like, oh, I did not have to know that.
Yeah, like family. Yeah, like I don't care about that.
Exactly. So you just need to find a fine line.
Okay, question number four, is bullying really a thing in high school?
And if so, how does it actually play out?
At our high school, it's different than other high schools.
For example, I know my cousins, they grew up in the South and Delaware, not that South, but like he - The very southern Mississippi - South Mississippi.
Delaware. He was from India, right?
So like he didn't speak any English.
So like sometimes his friends would stick him into the trash can.
And I don't think I've ever seen that.
His friend is friends.
Both of them classes.
He became friends with them after, but like that was his initial experience.
But then our high school is completely different.
I think we have a lot of good platforms such as like the day of courage and like the LGBTQ day, where we celebrate people's differences.
But still, you're still going to have people that don't agree and people that bully other kids for being different and - Which nuance.
Yeah, it's a lot more subtle.
It's a lot more like if you don't like someone, if you don't really vibe with them, then you're going to just stay your distance.
I also think there are people that make memes out of students, which is kind of sad.
But is it affectionate?
No. No, never. No, it's not affectionate at all.
I think that is kind of - I think the best thing to do would just be like, just let it be.
Keep your distance.
If you don't agree with how someone chooses to live their life, avoiding them, I think is like fine.
The most common bullying I've seen is talking about people behind their back.
Bullying is too strong of a word almost for what you're talking about.
It's like bullying implies it's very much in a school level.
Harsh gossip. When I look at your generation, I feel like there's so much tolerance and openness.
So I look at the way, for example, if you're a gay teenager.
Well, yeah, I especially think in this time too, like 30 years ago, like I feel like it would be so much more difficult.
I think that I do know people who are older who appreciate it and say, I wish I had this opportunity.
And they're kind of stuck in the life that they've created.
And so it's hard. It's hard to see that.
I think we're in this transitional phase.
Where as like my younger brother already has friends who like have come out and he's only in eighth grade.
So I feel like that's really interesting to see because I don't think when I was in eighth grade, I knew about anyone coming out yet.
I think it's our school too.
Very welcoming. And yeah, that's good.
I think it's a different experience for kids, depending on where they live.
Question number five, tell me something you learned in high school that you actually found kind of interesting.
Sean and I are taking a history classes here called human geography.
And I think that's been like overall pretty interesting.
For example, something that we learned about population.
So I never really before this thought about different populations like China and India struggling with too much of a population.
But I never really thought about a declining population.
And so this year I learned about Japan and how they have a declining population, how that's going to affect their economy in the future.
So that I found super interesting and how immigration could ideally solve this issue if it was done properly and the best way possible.
And I'm thinking, why don't we do it?
And then there's all these other factors that we learn about.
So I just think it's really interesting to learn about what's going on today rather than what we've learned about in normal history classes.
What about you, Sean?
I took a class last year, global leadership.
Okay. And we had to do 30 minute or 40 minute presentations.
And the final project, we were given like $5 million.
And you could solve any issue that you want to tackle in the world.
And so my group did FGM, female genital mutilation in the afar region in Ethiopia.
And so we just developed a big plan to eradicate FGM and how we would also spread awareness about the issue throughout the entirety of Africa.
So I think that class was really special because it taught me not only how to present in being comfortable in front of an audience, but also like I got real world knowledge that I don't like sometimes in school, we learn things that I don't think is real world knowledge that I'm never going to need
to remember. But this class was really hands on and I learned about like what's going on in our world, in our society right now.
Like I was in the now.
That sounds so fascinating.
All right. Question number six.
If you could fast forward your life to after college and choose any job, what would it be?
How many years? 10 years?
Just through college.
Right after college.
Right after college?
Yeah. I would want to go on the path to be a diplomat, I think.
Really? Yeah. What do you know about that life that you find attractive?
Not much to be frank with you.
But I think that it's just like the idea of communicating with other people and people of different cultures and stuff that I find that appealing.
So relationships are the cornerstone of foreign policy, I think.
And if you're a diplomat or an ambassador, you can maintain those, you can form new ones.
And I think that power is one that's very strong to have and it's a lot of responsibility.
And I think that's just something I find appealing about it.
So right now I'm going to major as a chemical engineer.
And so I know there's a lot of things within chemical engineering.
Specifically, I'm interested in distillation and pharmaceuticals.
So I think distillation is really interesting, especially because of all the waste that we've been producing and how we're trying to purify it now.
And then pharmaceuticals, I'm super fascinated how, as technology becomes more and more advanced, they're able to just take these drugs and form new ones and target specific parts of the body.
It just fascinates me.
Wow, fascinating. What about you, Ty?
You guys really know what you're gonna do with your life, moving forward?
I'm very tentative.
Well, I just got...
It's a good change.
I picture myself somewhere in the math or science field.
Those are just the areas I traditionally found enjoyable.
But beyond that, I really can't say.
How do you learn about jobs?
So when you look around at the older people you know and you...
The above 30s. I think you develop an understanding of what you're interested in.
Yeah. And so you can base that off.
I am not interested in math.
So I'm not gonna go down the same path as Tylo.
But at the same time, I like languages.
And so you know, maybe I may end up doing like the whole ambassador diplomat thing.
The difficulty for me is I don't really know what a job entails.
So I agree with Sean that sort of you have this idea of the things you're interested in and then as you learn more, as you explore it more, you start to realize, oh, this part of this is not for me.
So I'm going to focus on this other aspect.
You kind of inch your way there a little bit.
Like you were finding.
Yeah. And so you'll do things that you don't particularly enjoy along the way, but it's all subservient to the goal of finding that path that's right for you.
Question number seven, was the college admissions process stressful?
Extremely. I think there is an abnormal amount of pressure for...
It may just be me, but what school we get into, I feel like this is...
I'm going to be 100 % real.
It has a direct impact on your self -confidence and how you portray yourself.
So there's even a little bit of embarrassment that I get when I tell people where I'm going to college.
And it's so superficial because you're looking at rankings and you're looking...
Can I just say you're going to a great place.
Yeah, that's true. But at the same time, it wasn't my first choice and that kind of eats away at you a little bit.
I think it's just difficult because when you tour these colleges and make your first five choices or whatever, you see yourself going there.
Because I think when I did college tours with my dad, we'd walk around the campus and he was like, this is so cool, could you picture yourself here?
And I was like, yeah, I see myself sitting in this library doing whatever.
And now I'm going to a completely different school.
And it's still a great school, and I struggled with becoming proud of it and accepting, this is my next word.
Yeah. And I wonder if I'm ever going to get there.
I think eventually...
You're not there yet?
No. I think like I still am a little bit disappointed.
I feel like it's a personal failure on my part.
Like I should have worked harder.
And I think that's something that eventually it probably will resolve itself when I go there and kind of get into the flow, get into the mix of things.
And then maybe I'll start building some school pride.
You guys are all going to do great.
You know that. You're all going to do great.
You're my hope. You are.
You are my hope. Okay.
Question number eight.
What's your favorite brands?
Lululemon. Lululemon.
What about you guys?
Nike. I like. Nike's...
Hypebeast stuff too.
Yeah, me too. Like, raised by wolves.
I don't like their newest stuff.
No, it's not that nice.
I mean, there's like the cliche like Supreme.
Supreme. Kiss? Undefeated.
Undefeated. Dusty. Thrasher.
You like that, Sean.
I like Thrasher. Monsee.
Lululemon. Lululemon.
I feel like... I don't know, like really basic like Brandy Melville, Lululemon, Patagonia.
I mean, like that's like a Northeast thing, I guess, right?
Question number nine.
What media do you watch?
Movies? Grey's Anatomy.
Friends? You're addicted to Grey's Anatomy in Friends?
I got my parents addicted to Grey's Anatomy too.
Her dad walked like, he was like, oh, have you caught up on season 10 yet?
Yeah, he loves it. Do they cry when they watch?
Yeah, my mom's a crier.
She's a crier. My mom also the biggest cry.
Shh. She was watching.
Oh my god, you think so?
Wait, the show, well Parenthood?
Oh, Parenthood. Weeping.
Love. You're weeping?
Weeping? Absolutely loved that show.
Emma Weeper, when I watch...
Like I'd go to talk to her, she'd be in tears.
I'd be like, oh, come give me a hug.
Parenthood, Grey's Anatomy, Friends.
I'm sorry. Just kill more girls.
Oh my god. All right, last question, guys.
Are you guys optimistic about the future?
Like global warming?
Pessimistic. Pessimistic.
Clean water, pessimistic.
But like, my future, I don't know.
We're going to have to wait and see.
I have a good work ethic and I think that'll help me through my life, but I also am not confident in my abilities, and I think that's where I'm going to falter.
What are you most worried about?
What do you feel like is your biggest challenge?
I'm always grappling with the feeling that I'm never good enough.
Lack of self -confidence.
Lack of self -confidence is something that I personally...
All of you guys feel this?
No, him. No, because I'm never satiated with what I've done.
Everything, if I've accomplished something, there's always a next goal.
I never take the time to be like, you know what, I did that and that's pretty cool.
What about you, Ty?
I'm optimistic in the sense that I'm looking forward to doing something different with my life.
But I don't know if I'd call it pessimistic, but I have that fear, because I'm a person that can very easily just get stuck going in a circle and then reflect on it later and be like, I wasted a lot of time.
So I'm worried that I won't have that push to keep going after I reach some level of comfort.
But I'm also optimistic, because I feel like it's just a matter of my drive to do it.
What about you, Monsey?
I'm a pretty stubborn person, and that's kind of my thing in the family.
Everyone's like, oh, Monsey's a stubborn one.
You know, she's not flexible at all.
And so I think that that's what I'm working on changing.
And as I'm changing that, I'm becoming more and more optimistic.
So, like, at first, when it came to the college decision, I was like, this sucks.
Like, I wanted to go here.
Like, I don't even care about the future, all this stuff.
And now, like, you know, I'm, like, pretty psyched to go to California and seeing what the future holds.
I think I'm pretty optimistic about my future.
I worry that I will be held back by my stubbornness, but I think that it...
I also think my stubbornness helps me at times.
So, before I let you guys go...
Finally. Free from my torment.
What I love is to go around and ask each one of you to offer a recommendation for our listeners.
Let's go in reverse order with Tyler first.
Okay, Tyler. So, Montsey can attest to this, but I recommend that people check out Cardistry.
It's something that I've recently gotten into, and it's a lot of fun.
What is Cardistry? It's essentially just doing fun things, doing flourishes that are visually pleasing, aesthetically pleasing with a deck of cards.
You can find lots of videos and, like, montages of it on YouTube.
And it's a lot of fun.
And if you're inspired, pick up a deck of cards and try it out.
Wait, so you're recommending a hobby called Cardistry?
Yes. That's my highlight of physics, watching him perform Cardistry.
I thought you said Carpentry.
Tyler to Physics. Tyler doing Cardtricks.
Yeah. Doing Cardistry, apparently it's a form of art, apparently.
So, it's not Cardtricks, it's Cardistry.
Yeah, it's kind of like juggling, essentially, except just with the deck of cards.
Montsey. I'm going to recommend a TV show, which is Parenthood, because I love Parenthood, and I think that there are so many characters, you're bound to relate to one of them.
And I definitely think you should watch it.
It's not something that's like high intensity.
It's really low intensity.
You can watch it whenever you want to.
That sounds pretty high intensity.
No, it's such a good show.
I'm telling you, you're going to love it.
Just try it. I cry from the emotion, it's not.
Like happy or sad? Both.
Like life. It's great.
Now, I'm telling you, watch it, watch it, watch it.
Okay. Sean. I think there was a book I read recently called Living With the Seal by Jesse Itzler, and I read it, and it's just about this guy who hires a Navy SEAL to live with them for 31 days in the training they go through.
And the book itself, it's okay, and I recommend reading it, but I really recommend researching the SEAL, who is...
I don't think they revealed his name.
The Navy SEAL. The Navy SEAL.
I don't... No, no, no, no.
Just wait, just wait.
I was picturing some SEALs.
You know, Navy SEALs.
All right, keep up with the program.
Anyway, so they have this guy, and he is crazy because he won't sleep for 48 hours straight and does ultra marathons running, and he breaks the metacarsals in his feet, and he still goes and finishes the races, and he is just super inspirational because he's all about motivating yourself, and he's like,
I go through all this pain and suffering because that's how I discover myself, and I think it's really relatable because he's like, you always have to push the envelope and test your limits, and I think that's something that I really relate to, just like with crew, with learning new things.
I relate to that never being happy with what you've done so far and always pushing to get more, and so I think just listening to some of his, I think, like, speeches are pretty cool.
Those are three really great recommendations.
Thanks, guys. That was fun.
It was fun. Thanks, everyone, for listening.
This is HBS After Hours.
