Abercrombie denim is everything right now.
Denim should feel like this. confident easy like your butt has never looked better if you didn't know Abercrombie's Curve Love denim went viral in 2019 for eliminating waist gap, and it's still a game changer.
Between that and their classic fits with a straighter line from waist to hip, the perfect denim does exist.
Shop Abercrombie denim in the app, online, and in store.
This episode is brought to you by State Farm.
Checking off the boxes on your to-do list is a great feeling.
And when it comes to checking off coverage, a State Farm agent can help you choose an option that's right for you.
Whether you prefer talking in person, on the phone, or using the award-winning app, It's nice knowing you have help finding coverage that best fits your needs.
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
You know, we talk a lot about building confidence here, how to feel more charismatic, how to nail those social interactions.
But what if I told you that a lot of what we think confidence is, well, it's kind of a myth.
Like, have you ever looked at someone who just oozes confidence and thought, wow, they must have been born that way? or they just don't have any self-doubt.
If that's you, stick around, because today we are debunking some major confidence myths and uncovering what genuine, sustainable self-belief actually looks like.
And trust me, it's probably not what they taught you in school or what you see in the movies.
All right, let's get into it. So starting off with myth number one, confidence is a feeling you have to wait for before you can act.
So many of us think, okay, once I feel confident, then I'll ask for that raise.
Or then I'll invite that person to do that event.
Or once I feel less anxious, then I'll go to that party.
But. Here's the secret they don't tell you.
Confidence. is not the prerequisite for action.
It's the byproduct of action. Think about it.
When you learned to ride a bike, were you oozing confidence before you even hopped on the bike?
Probably not. You were wobbly, maybe a little shaky, maybe a little scared, but you did it anyway.
You push the pedals. Maybe you fell a few times.
I know I did. I still have a scar on my knee from that.
You got back up and slowly with each success, that feeling of, hey, I can do this, started to grow.
That, my friends, is confidence being built.
It's earned through experience, not conjured out of thin air.
So instead of waiting for the feeling of confidence to happen, focus on taking that first small manageable step.
The feeling of confidence will catch up.
I promise you. Okay, myth number two. Truly confident people don't experience fear or self-doubt ever.
Oh my goodness, this is a big one. You know, we see charismatic leaders or smooth talkers and assume that they're just fearless, but that's kind of like saying a brave firefighter isn't scared running into a burning building.
Of course they feel fear. The difference is that they've learned to act despite the fear.
Genuine confidence is not the absence of fear, it's rather the courage to move forward even when that little voice of doubt is whispering or shouting in your ear.
Confident people still have moments of, what if I fail?
Or am I really good enough? Or will they think I'm a phony?
They've just developed a stronger voice, it says.
Yeah, maybe. But I'm going to try anyway.
I'm going to do what scares me anyway. And they've used reframing, right?
They've reframed their relationship with fear.
It's not a stop sign. Instead, it's a signal that something important is on the line.
So the next time you feel that fear creeping in, remember that it does not mean that you're not cut out for this.
It means that you're human. The question is, what are you going to do with that feeling?
Myth number three, confidence is this universal blanket tree.
You either have it or you don't. across all areas of your life.
So this is super misleading, right? Think about it.
You might be an incredibly confident chef able to whip up a gourmet meal for 20 people without even breaking a sweat, or just by looking at the few ingredients you have in your kitchen, you can come up with something amazing.
But ask that same chef to give a public speech or make a toast at a wedding, and they might be a bundle of nerves.
Or you could be an amazing public speaker, but feel absolutely awkward at a networking event.
The truth is confidence is often domain specific.
It's built on evidence of your competence and past successes in a particular area or field.
You build confidence in speaking by speaking.
You build confidence in your social skills by socializing.
You build confidence in your cooking by, well, cooking.
So. If you're feeling unconfident in one area of your life, it does not mean that you're an unconfident person.
It just means that an area where you haven't built up enough evidence of your abilities yet is still waiting for you to explore that arena, right?
And that's okay. It just shows you where you can focus your growth.
Your grass is green where you water it. So start small.
Get some wins under your belt in that specific domain and watch your self-belief in that area grow.
So if confidence isn't just waiting for a feeling or being fearless or a one-size-fits-all treat, then what is this genuine self-belief we're all striving for?
So if confidence isn't just waiting for a feeling or being fearless or a one size fits all trait, then what is this genuine self-belief we're all striving for? genuine self-belief is quieter than the bravado we often associate with confidence.
It's more like a steady internal knowing.
It's self trust, which is believing in your ability to figure things out, to learn, to adapt, to grow. even when you don't have all the answers right now.
Resilience. knowing you can handle setbacks and failures, learn from them, and get back up.
It's not about never failing. It's about knowing you can rise again. competence-driven.
It's rooted in your actual abilities and your experiences.
You know that you can do something because you've done it or something like it before.
Or you trust your ability to put in the work to learn it.
Action-orient it. As we said, it comes from doing.
It's a belief that says, let's try, rather than I need to be perfect at this first, or I need to feel perfect first.
Building this kind of self-belief is truly a journey.
It's not a destination. And it's gonna take some time, particularly to recalibrate your thoughts around this and to change your cognition. but it can be done and it can be done by consistently showing up for yourself. telling yourself you're going to do the hard things, taking those small actions, learning from your experiences, both good and not so good. and recognizing your own growth, and of course, celebrating those milestones.
It's about understanding that courage comes before confidence, not the other way around.
So here is a little challenge I would love for you to do this week. pick one small area where you would like to feel more self-assured.
And instead of waiting to feel confident, what's one for a teeny tiny action that you can take to build some evidence of your capability.
Maybe it's speaking up in one meeting or initiating one conversation or inviting somebody someplace or trying one new recipe. one small thing.
Let me know in the comments below what myth resonated the most with you or what small action you're planning to take.
I would love to hear from you. And hey, if this video helped you reframe your understanding of confidence, then you can always give it a thumbs up because it really helps out this channel.
And if you haven't already hit that subscribe button and notification bell so that you don't miss out on any insights to help you level up. your social skills, your charisma, and of course your authentic self-belief.
Thank you so much for watching. Remember, you don't have to be fearless.
You just have to be willing. So take that first step.
You've got this. I'll see you in the next one.
